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(http://www.angels-of-love.com/images/bush_alien.jpg)
-
I have a scanner and it should work.. I will post a pic of my mom. I think it would be funny to laugh at her.
I wonder if someone will put a mulated picture of Alex Plank.
-
(http://www.geocities.com/johnniemccoy/wipeonfolders.gif)
-
Alex Plank is mullato?
-
One point for McJ - it worked. ;D
-
(http://img301.imageshack.us/img301/4693/captbodyfucn0.th.png) (http://img301.imageshack.us/my.php?image=captbodyfucn0.png)
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You all make Me laugh. :laugh:
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nah flo, you made me sad.
-
I thought PMS Elle would like that. Don't you mean horny, Mc Jagger? :-*
-
this is about the third time that i've posted this picture on various forums, but i think it's worthy:
(http://img135.imageshack.us/img135/9048/prez2yq9.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)
-
What is worthy in the end. Not laughing at all for Us all in the end.
-
i would definitely laugh if Bush developed a fatal disease that could've been cured if he hadn't blocked stem-cell research.
-
now that is funny, omega.
and the actually scenerio playing out would be ironicle.
-
i would definitely laugh if Bush developed a fatal disease that could've been cured if he hadn't blocked stem-cell research.
I'd send flowers... thistles. :laugh: >:D
-
I suggest that you don't watch this at work, and remove the kiddies from the room before clicking on this. This a clip from a movie I plan on buying soon. So funny but oh so wrong.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=4CZObgajyAU&search=grandma%27s%20boy
-
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/keighleymd/Good20Baby20copy-1.jpg)
-
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/keighleymd/1800Flowers.jpg)
-
funny. :laugh: :laugh:
-
An American GI gets on a train in England. The train is full, except there is one seat that is occupied by a big French poodle. The American walks up to the lady sitting next to the poodle, and nicely asks her if he could please sit down. She glares at him, says "No, my dog needs that seat", and looks out the window. The GI looks around the train, still see no other available seats, and asks her again "Please ma'am, I've been fighting in the war and I'm on my way home and I'm really tired. Could you move your dog so that I can sit?" And she just humphs, and continues to look out the window. So the GI opens the window, lifts up the poodle, and throws it out the window.
A Brit sitting across the aisle, who has been observing the interaction, speaks up. He says to the GI: "You Americans, you've got it all wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you cut up your meat with the wrong hand, and...
...you threw the wrong bitch off the train!"
-
(http://www.stuffonmycat.com/media/2/20060711-MISO.jpg)
-
damn - i've got a great one with my bestest cat holding a packet of three - sadly, i haven't got a scanner... :(
-
(http://img75.photobucket.com/albums/v228/clichekitty/votebushkitten.jpg)
-
A Cat's Diary
DAY 752 -- My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 -- Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. Must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 -- Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep deprivation, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 -- Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm...must try this with one of their other captives...
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. however, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.
-
(http://www.thespiderawards.com/AwardsPass/WINNERS-NOMINEES/AM_abstract/images/filthy-bush.jpg)
-
An old thread I know, but I keep seeing funny stuff and thinking I should post that on Intensity- I forgot about this thread till today.
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/keighleymd/255488081_2366992536_o.jpg)
-
:laugh:
-
(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i308/snakeskowren/465.gif)
-
An old thread I know, but I keep seeing funny stuff and thinking I should post that on Intensity- I forgot about this thread till today.
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/keighleymd/255488081_2366992536_o.jpg)
PMSL
It reminds me, when we first suspected I was pregnant with our daughter, it was about midnight and I said I would get a pregnancy test from the doctor first thing the next morning. My husband wanted to know right then, so we went to an all-night drugstore and bought a pregnancy test. There was a woman there with her sister also buying a pregnancy test at the same time. The woman said to us, "I'll tell you just like I told my sister. Planned Parenthood." For some reason, my husband and I found this extremely hilarious. I mean I had recently undergone endometrosis surgery hoping to see if it would help me get pregnant and if I was pregnant, then we were absolutely thrilled about it, and she thought we should have gone to Planned Parenthood.
:laugh:
When the test was positive, we walked and talked all night and picked out her name. If she had been a boy, we had it narrowed down to two or three boy names that night, but we agreed on a girl's name right away.
-
(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i308/snakeskowren/465.gif)
Does that boy have his name in his underwear? :P
:laugh:
-
Does that boy have his name in his underwear? :P
:laugh:
I never noticed that at first :laugh:
-
Does that boy have his name in his underwear? :P
:laugh:
I never noticed that at first :laugh:
/dies
-
(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i308/snakeskowren/465.gif)
Does that boy have his name in his underwear? :P
:laugh:
i just hope it is seen as good natured ribbing.
-
or very stretchy ribbing at least... >:D
-
This may require up to an hour of your time for the "kitten" series to be read to completion but it's kind of worth it: http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=000626
-
:laugh: :LOL: :laugh: :LOL: :laugh:
-
All of these are legitimate companies dealing in regular products and services, but they didn't think their domain names through. Some of them are prime candidates for the "What was I thinking?" award....ALL these websites actually exist, selling something totally benign (and work-safe, in case you're wondering).
1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name... wait for it... is
http://www.whorepresents.com/
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
http://www.expertsexchange.com/
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
http://www.penisland.net/
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
http://www.therapistfinder.com/
5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company...
http://www.powergenitalia.com/
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
http://www.molestationnursery.com/
7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always
http://www.ipanywhere.com/
8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
http://www.cummingfirst.com/
9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
http://www.speedofart.com/
10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
http://www.gotahoe.com/
-
:clap:
thats just fucking funny.
hey yeah, could you find me a rapist?
-
(http://www.eyebeam.org/reblog/archives/mordor.gif)
-
frodo always looks like a girl, aragorn is sex on a stick, and all of them need to wash their bloody hair. and where the fuck was legolas, cos all that hair and rapid arrow firing is definitely dribble-inducing...
-
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/keighleymd/tickle_me_emo.jpg)
-
frodo always looks like a girl, aragorn is sex on a stick, and all of them need to wash their bloody hair. and where the fuck was legolas, cos all that hair and rapid arrow firing is definitely dribble-inducing...
Aragorn definitely washes his hair. It's still wet from the shower in every shot.
-
(http://growabrain.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/obey_this_sign.jpg)
-
(http://www.pastorkarl.com/uploaded_images/trick-knee-744127.jpg)
-
One more; I keep doing google image seachres for other things and coming up with stuff that can go here.
(http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c163/antius777/Icky_Kitty_by_noomcin.jpg)
-
Aragorn definitely washes his hair. It's still wet from the shower in every shot.
squeak...! squeak...!
/takes deep breath, and squashes image of Aragorn getting out of shower...
that kitten is bloody hilarious! :laugh:
-
/takes deep breath, and squashes image of Aragorn getting out of shower...
Awwdamit, now I'll be obsessing about that image at odd moments for weeks. I bet there's a photoshopped pic of it somewhere on the internet.
-
christ on a stick - i was hoping to get back to my knitting tonight, but i can see what i'll now be doing, for the next however long. ::)
watch this space...
-
(http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=tbn:0Vu9AtQdptkdvM:http://www.20six.de/-/pub/lea_ysaye/Viggo_47.JPG)
can't...speak...
:woohoo:
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(http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=tbn:0Vu9AtQdptkdvM:http://www.20six.de/-/pub/lea_ysaye/Viggo_47.JPG)
can't...speak...
:woohoo:
not with that thing in your mouth. but, you can still hum. :squit:
-
my mouth?!
nah - what a waste...
:laugh:
-
Its so small :-\
-
There are growers and showers, he may be a grower.
-
There are growers and showers, he may be a grower.
LOL- but I meant the picture (which is so small I can't tell whether he's a grower or a shower) :LOL:
-
There are growers and showers, he may be a grower.
I saw that on Saturday Night Live. :LMAO:
-
random: I just added a digit to callaway's karma. I feel so fucking powerful.
-
Oh, i didn't actually look at the pic. But you're right, it is hard to see.
-
it is a small pic, but it's the only one i could find, after looking for a while, you ungrateful cunts! :grrr:
-
it is a small pic, but it's the only one i could find, after looking for a while, you ungrateful cunts! :grrr:
I for one am eternally endebted for your obtaining such a wangarrific picture.
-
it is a small pic, but it's the only one i could find, after looking for a while, you ungrateful cunts! :grrr:
I'm sorry for seeming ungrateful- I just feel its like being offered a box of chocolates and getting a chocolate chip instead :P
-
so let me get this straight:
the picture is small, but his wanker is not.
thank god.
-
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/keighleymd/screwdo.jpg)
-
Do you think a gerbil would be better off iwth the ambiguous implied fate above, or...
(http://www.marsupilami.free.fr/Flash/Apercus/Gerbil.jpg)
-
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Nihilism
Sorry, it made me lol. But I'm a nerd.
-
how persian cats are made:
(http://b3ta.hnldesign.nl/beta166.gif)
-
When I first saw their page on it, i just thought my browser was slow or I had some kind of weird error. (This was a long time ago, i have since got their joke.)
-
Wisdom from my mom (just got this in an email form her):
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v202/Mullipuff/amanislikecards.jpg)
-
I got a few funny pictures but they aren't very good.
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/790749.1.gif)
-
PMSL !!
that's brilliant, nomaken - i must send it to my sister! (someone remind me later, cos i have to go to work, please?).
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/789945.1.gif)
-
:laugh:
-
Another one my mom sent me:
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y212/naughty9grrl/BigPumpkinButt.jpg)
Don't that make you feel like going trick or treating?
-
Honestly, that makes that ass look much more attractive. My compliments to the artist.
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/790383.1.gif)
-
wtf
it's not showing up
:'(
-
That's because the link contains this text, which is not enough to find anything: http://790383.1.gif.
-
I've done that a few times before, but usually I catch it and edit it before anyone notices.
-
So do we get to see the picture? :)
-
When clicked says can not find server
The page can not be desplayed
The page you are looking foris currently unavailable. etc etc.
-
Ah, ta. :)
-
Two source code comments of mine:
//we are pressed to handle the keypress; a key question, it is
/* Message:
* Prints the messy message <mess> using the mess that is _Message.
* (see below)
*/
...
But nothing beats the beauty of this comment I found in the FLTK library: (a GUI toolkit I make use of)
// NO !!!! FORTY TIMES NO!!!
// NO DO NOT SCROLL TO THE FOCUSSED CHILD
// NO DO NOT DO IT
// IT BREAKS THE CONTROL PANELS IN NUKE
// DO NOT ATTEMPT EVER TO KEEP THE FOCUSSED WIDGET IN THE SCROLL
// DO NOT DO IT
// IT DOES NOT WORK
// PLEASE PLEASE STOP PUTTING THIS CODE BACK BILL
// IF YOU SCROLL SO THAT THE FOCUSSED WIDGET GOES OFFSCREEN, CLICK THE FOCUS
// OFF THE CONTROL PANEL TO THE DAG WINDOW, THEN ANY CLICK IN THE CONTROL PANEL
// WILL ZIP THE SCROLLGROUP AWAY FROM WHAT YOU CLICKED ON, AND IT IS EXTREMELY
// ANNOYING AND A BUG. PLEASE TALK TO ME BEFORE MAKING ANY CHANGES TO
// SCROLLGROUP OR PACKEDGROUP. NOTHING IS MORE FRUSTRATING THAN DESIGNING CODE
// SPECIFIC TO A UI LIBRARY AND HAVING THAT LIBRARY CONSTANTLY CHANGE FROM UNDER YOU.
-
(http://www.buttonsandmore.com/sarah/b306.jpg)
This one made me laugh from sheer ridiculousness.
-
It is a little hard describing why I find this so funny, but seriously, the first time i saw it i was bawling in laughter for an hour, and chuckling for hours there after and still I can laugh about it, and have it tickle me.
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/791274.1.gif)
It has something to do with that being such a true and appropriate warning message, and being so straitforward. I mean, if you've ever been in charge of something but should contact someone if something goes wrong, but you dont know how wrong something needs to go before you notify them, this kind of a description is such a beautiful and clear and accurate description of when to make that call. And anybody could see what was happening in that construction yard and know if to make that call. Just ask yourself.... is this a HUGE fuck up?
-
i doubt that there is such a thing as a construction site where there was NO alcohol involved.
i think we should call Todd.
-
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v420/mrlogic/HoodiesBIG.jpg)
-
/dies
and not too far from the real Daily Heil, i feel... ;)
-
hey wanna make someone cringe.... or laugh dependant on personality type etc etc....
then creep up behind them and whisper the word "tampon" in their ear (unless they're deaf cos they'll prbably accuse you of assault)
-
#if IN_SOVIET_RUSSIA
# define BJARNE_STROUSTRUP "evil"
#endif
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1155528400936.gif)
-
hey wanna make someone cringe.... or laugh dependant on personality type etc etc....
then creep up behind them and whisper the word "tampon" in their ear (unless they're deaf cos they'll prbably accuse you of assault)
I don't know why that's as funny as it is.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-C6R2jetbk
-
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/keighleymd/chickegg.gif)
-
bok, bok, bik booook!
-
Apart from being new to most here, now improved:
My article on getting a life (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Get_a_life).
-
Yes, I stole this from b3ta again- the theme was Hollywood Dyslexia.
-
(http://pic.piczo.com/img/i165808726_68573_2.jpg)
-
no wonder he is scared.
-
not as scared as...
(http://pic.piczo.com/img/i165894673_49624_2.jpg)
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/sl201.gif)
-
Why is there no :lol: emote?
-
Why is there no :lol: emote?
This is it :LOL:
-
You have to capitalize? Why? WHY? NOBODY ON INTENSITYSQUARED EVER CAPITALIZES!!!!
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/sl201.gif)
I have to say I enjoyed this. :eyebrows:
-
You have to capitalize? Why? WHY? NOBODY ON INTENSITYSQUARED EVER CAPITALIZES!!!!
THAT A GOOD QUESTION.
-
You have to capitalize? Why? WHY? NOBODY ON INTENSITYSQUARED EVER CAPITALIZES!!!!
THAT A GOOD QUESTION.
FLO DOES! :LOL:
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1154775709160.gif)
-
:LOL:
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1154775709160.gif)
I appreciated this one too. ;D
-
anybody for a tapdancing penis and vagina?
(http://www.costumes.org/shows/lysistrata/photos/8/8003.jpg)
-
I always feel o immature when I come on this thread and laugh at dancing dicks and the like.
-
anybody for a tapdancing penis and vagina?
(http://www.costumes.org/shows/lysistrata/photos/8/8003.jpg)
I can't believe I found another one that was similar:
(http://img66.exs.cx/img66/1678/untitled592.jpg)
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1154775709160.gif)
Ain't that the truth!!! i shold send this one to my parents. (they'd disown me for it, but oh well, that would'nt be a great loss.)
-
anybody for a tapdancing penis and vagina?
(http://www.costumes.org/shows/lysistrata/photos/8/8003.jpg)
:LOL:
-
ooooh tasty... (hmmmm well umm NO)... :(
WTF is wrong with you peoples eh..... this is just too damn weird for me right now....
i cant say that i'll make you laugh but i'll certainly raise an eyebrow or two (hopefully!!!).
this is me - off my face - at the First "Underground Party Society" Night with lots of Dark Music, Funky decorations and mad people on lots of weird things (me included ;D )...
P.S I'm in the Light Blue and on somethings wonderfull ;D
(http://www.lamp.ac.uk/su/ents/gallery/ups_30sept06/DSCF0032.JPG)
(http://www.lamp.ac.uk/su/ents/gallery/ups_30sept06/DSCF0010.JPG)
And the Man Himself... DJ Rob Schofield... Lampeter's Finest Export and spinner of maaasive Tuneage 8)
(http://www.lamp.ac.uk/su/ents/gallery/ups_30sept06/DSCF0066.JPG)
-
(http://www.lamp.ac.uk/su/ents/gallery/ups_30sept06/DSCF0032.JPG)
at first i thought it was a cross between stephen king and dan aykroid.
-
no its me with a small dose (thankfully) of Medical LSD (not half as trippy as my BigBird but still you didnt see what happened after that lol oh the Pain)...
-
medicinal LSD!?
-
medicinal LSD!?
that's a new one to me!
-
yea Its LSD for people who have recognised conditions...
not prescribed by a legal drug dealer (chemist) but the ill kind...
for those who wat the occasional moment of mental-unclarity ;D
-
What condition are you treating with LSD?
-
What condition are you treating with LSD?
boringlifesyndrome
-
I got that. I got that! Shit man, hook me up!
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1154666949906.gif)
I'm a mushroom cloud-laying motherfucker, motherfucker. I love that line. That is the most badass line ever.
-
PMSL
-
wow Garfield heh heh heh...
*reads on*
OMFG w00t :P
that cartoon is sick but good 8)
-
what does PMSL mean?
-
what does PMSL mean?
Pissing myself laughing
-
Ahh thank you. And all this time I thought it was some new weird syndrome related to PMSing.
-
Ahh thank you. And all this time I thought it was some new weird syndrome related to PMSing.
PMSL
:LMAO:
-
Doesn't anybody use a toilet anymore, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, I'l go get the fucking mop and bucket.
Damn it Jim, I'm a Narcissistic King of Kings, not a janitor! :eyebrow: :darnit:
-
ROF(after ozy's mopped)PMSL :P
-
Doesn't anybody use a toilet anymore, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, I'l go get the fucking mop and bucket.
Damn it Jim, I'm a Narcissistic King of Kings, not a janitor! :eyebrow: :darnit:
I just now got the joke.
+
-
Jeeeeeeezzzzzzz, this place is beginning to smell like a New York City subway station!
-
Jeeeeeeezzzzzzz, this place is beginning to smell like a New York City subway station!
You do know that these things should not always be taken so literally, don't you?
:evillaugh:
-
NYC subway stations don't smell bad...not the ones I was in at least...
-
well the underground in london sure does....
it smells like blood and faeces...
-
NYC subway stations don't smell bad...not the ones I was in at least...
you haven't been in very many then! :o
-
NYC subway stations don't smell bad...not the ones I was in at least...
Back in 1978 when I lived there they did! OY VAY!
-
wow you sure are an Old Geezer aint'cha ;D
-
Watch it whippersnapper, I'll throw my dentures atcha! By Cricky
**shakes cane at BadgerTom***
**Then the Alzheimers kicks in, ozymandias forgets what he's crotchety about, pulls his pants back up to his chest and goes back to complaining about the government full time****
-
wow your really cumudgenly then :P
-
NYC subway stations don't smell bad...not the ones I was in at least...
you haven't been in very many then! :o
or maybe my memory/sense of smell is off. :laugh:
-
The Skippy List
Explanations of these events:
a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. (I had a Major shake my hand for the piss bottle thing, for instance.)
b) I witnessed another soldier do it. (Like the Sergeant we had, that basically went insane, and crucified some dead mice.)
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. (Like start a porn studio.)
d) Was the result of a clarification of the above. (“What about especially patriotic porn?â€)
e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (“Schwarz...what is *that*?†said the Sgt, as he pointed to the back of my car? "Um....a rubber sheep...I can explain why that's there....")
To explain how I've stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly..... I'm funny, so they let me live.
The 213 Things....
1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I'm supposed to be working.
2. My proper military title is "Specialist Schwarz" not "Princess Anastasia".
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
6. Not allowed to play “Pulp Fiction†with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
7. Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy†to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.
9. Not allowed to title any product “Get Over itâ€.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on government time.
11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.
12. Not allowed to join any militia.
13. Not allowed to form any militia.
14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to “Sic Brass!â€
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my “Samson like powersâ€.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous “Barbie Girl Dance†while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.
20. Must not taunt the French any more.
21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
22. Must never call an SAS a “Wankerâ€.
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.
25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
26. Never tell a German soldier that “We kicked your ass in World War 2!â€
27. Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
28. Don't take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
29. The Irish MPs are not after “Me frosted lucky charmsâ€.
30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
35. Not allowed to sing “High Speed Dirt†by Megadeth during airborne operations. (“See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my makerâ€)
36. Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn't over).
37. Our medic is called “Sgt Larwasaâ€, not “Dr. Feelgoodâ€.
38. Our supply Sgt is “Sgt Watkins†not “Sugar Daddyâ€.
39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
40. I do not have super-powers.
41. “Keep on Trucking†is *not* a psychological warfare message.
42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters.
43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
44. I am not the atheist chaplain.
45. I am not allowed to “Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddy's little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undiesâ€.
46. I am not authorized to fire officers.
47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.
48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for “magic beansâ€.
50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
51. Not allowed to quote “Dr Seuss†on military operations.
52. Not allowed to yell “Take that Cobra†at the rifle range.
53. Not allowed to quote “Full Metal Jacket “ at the rifle range.
54. “Napalm sticks to kids†is *not* a motivational phrase.
55. An order to “Put Kiwi on my boots†does *not* involve fruit.
56. An order to “Make my Boots black and shiny†does not involve electrical tape.
57. The proper response to a lawful order is not “Why?â€
58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.
60. “The Giant Space Ants†are not at the top of my chain of command.
61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean “I have been promoted three more times than youâ€.
62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.
63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.
64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.
65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
66. There is no “Anti-Mime†campaign in Bosnia.
67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.
68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to “Block out the space mind control lasersâ€.
69. May not pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper, while on duty.
70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.
71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.
72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
73. No military functions are to be performed “Skycladâ€.
74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.
75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.
76. "Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence.
77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."
78. I may not call block my chain of command.
79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.
80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.
81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.
82. May not form any press gangs.
83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."
84. Must not use military vehicles to “Squish†things.
85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.
86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the “field of honorâ€.
87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as “Momâ€.
89. Must not refer to the Commander as “Dadâ€.
90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.
91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.
92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony “Romper Bomper Stomper Boo†is probably not appropriate.
93. Nerve gas is not funny.
94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.
95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
96. “Redneck Zombies†is not a military training aid.
97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.
98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not “Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.â€
99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.
102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war".
103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a “Cool Mint†Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.
105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.
106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.
107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.
108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.
109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.
110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.
111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.
112. When saluting a “leg†officer, an appropriate greeting is not "Airborne leads the wa- oh...sorry sir".
113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from “Full Monty†every time I hear the song "Hot Stuff".
114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.
115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.
116. Crucifying mice - bad idea.
117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.
118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.
119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.
121. I should not use government resources to “waterproof†dirty magazines.
122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.
123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.
125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.
126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.
127. “No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages†does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable.
128. "Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.
129. The Microsoft ® “Dancing Paperclip†is not authorized to countermand any orders.
130. “I’m drunk†is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.
131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.
132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.
133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.
134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.
135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.
136. Shouting “Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole fucking village!†while out on a mission is bad.
137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
138. Even if my commander did it.
139. Must not teach interpreters how to make "MRE" bombs.
140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.
141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove “The Pen is Mightier than the swordâ€.
142. “Calvin-Ball†is not authorized PT.
143. I do not need to keep a “range card†by my window.
144. “K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free†is not an authorized uniform.
145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.
147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.
148. Putting red “Mike and Ike's†® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.
149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.
150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.
151. The proper way to report to my Commander is “Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir†not “You can't prove a thing!â€
152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries.
153. I should not assign new privates to “guard the flight lineâ€.
154. Shouldn't treat “piss-bottles†with extra-strength icy hot.
155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.
156. I will no longer perform “lap-dances†while in uniform.
157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts.
158. The revolution is not now.
159. When detained by MP's, I do not have a right to a strip search.
160. No part of the military uniform is edible.
161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.
162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.
163. Take that hat off.
164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.
165. I do not get “that time of monthâ€.
166. No, the pants are not optional.
167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.
168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
169. Not even if they *are* “especially patriotic filmsâ€
170. Not allowed to “defect†to OPFOR during training missions.
171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General's helicopter.
172. “A full magazine and some privacy†is not the way to help a potential suicide.
173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.
174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it's actually DOD policy).
175. We do not “charge into battle, naked, like the Celtsâ€.
176. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office.
177. I am not to refer to a formation as “the boxy rectangle thingieâ€.
178. I am not “A lesbian trapped in a man's bodyâ€.
179. On Army documents, my race is not “Otherâ€.
180. Nor is it “Secretariat, in the thirdâ€.
181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.
182. There is no FM for “wall-to-wall counselingâ€.
183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ®
184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something “I saw in a cartoonâ€.
185. My name is not a killing word.
186. I am not the Emperor of anything.
187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.
188. May not challenge officers to “Meet me on the field of honor, at dawnâ€.
189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.
190. Must not make s'mores while on guard duty.
191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
192. The proper response to a briefing is not “That's what you thinkâ€.
193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.
194. Shouldn't take incriminating photos of my chain of command.
195. Shouldn't use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.
196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.
197. I am not allowed to sing “Henry the VIII I am†until verse 68 ever again.
198. Not allowed to lead a “Coup†during training missions.
199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.
200. My chain of command is not interested in why I “just happen†to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.
201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.
203. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.
204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."
205. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")
206. Not allowed to get shot.
207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)
208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civilians who are "hearing conversations" from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.
209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism...this was the same dinner.)
210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
211. Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.
212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don't have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.
213. Do not convince NCO's that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.
Taken from http://skippyslist.com/skippylist.html
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:LMAO: :thanks:
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Watch it whippersnapper, I'll throw my dentures atcha! By Cricky
**shakes cane at BadgerTom***
**Then the Alzheimers kicks in, ozymandias forgets what he's crotchety about, pulls his pants back up to his chest and goes back to complaining about the government full time****
LOL from another grumpy old man. :laugh: +
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Watch it whippersnapper, I'll throw my dentures atcha! By Cricky
**shakes cane at BadgerTom***
**Then the Alzheimers kicks in, ozymandias forgets what he's crotchety about, pulls his pants back up to his chest and goes back to complaining about the government full time****
LOL from another grumpy old man. :laugh: +
+2.
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I want to plus one Nomaken but I CAN'T! HIS KARMA'S TOO COOL!
Are we maintianing him at 69 as well?
>>
<<
>>
Oh god, I can picture the slew of dirty jokes now.
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Could someone make me laugh here?
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Bollocks to the skippy list. I was at the doctors the other day and he reckons i have myopia and need to wear glasses or things will deterioate. I said that i'm not wearing glasses they'll make me look silly. He said "you're being short-sighted".
I was in a taxi the other day and the fair was £4.50. I gave the driver a fiver. I woul'dve said "keep the change" but that phrase is a bit hackneyed.
I was in the TA and called up for duty in the Gulf. I said to my commanding officer i cant go. He said "why?" , "Because i've got Iraqnaphobia" i replied. It's terrible what their doing out there. The place is going to Iraq and ruin. It'saddam shame if you ask me. I was eventually called out anyway and the engine in my armoured car broke down. I said to the soldier beside me. "I think the Russian government were involved in this". "They want to bring about our downfall in reply to afghanistan" "What are you saying, said soldier number 2" "I'm saying there's Kremlins in the engine"
You've been a lovely audience, i would like to take you home with me but apparently poorhouses are frowned upon these days by my peers. Thank you and good day.
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+1 for effort.
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I want to plus one Nomaken but I CAN'T! HIS KARMA'S TOO COOL!
Are we maintianing him at 69 as well?
Nope; it used to be higher, but has recently began to decline, just as mine...
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This list is easier to appreciate if you are an anime fan.
If I Ever Become a Magical Girl:
1. I will find out if there is a less revealing
transformation sequence.
2. In the same vein, I will discover if there are other
clothing options besides a mini-skirt, as those tend to be
drafty.
3. I will invest in a good pair of sneakers, so as to
reduce the possibility of a twisted ankle due to my
boots/high heels/sandals.
4. If I see anything even remotely resembling tentacles on
the monster I'm fighting, I will immediately remove myself
from its striking range, and resort to large firearms.
5. If I have any attack sequence of more than two words and
single gesture, I will work to shorten that. If I cannot, I
will begin using alternate methods of attacking, such as
really big guns.
6. If the villain has a sudden change of heart, I will
immediately take him to an anonymous hotel room and watch
over him. Either he's faking it and will attempt to betray
me, at which point I will kill him; or he's serious, at
which point his former colleagues will attempt to kill him.
In either case, I will be certain to pump him for
information.
7. If my magical sidekick has a nasty habit of forgetting
important information until it's too late to act upon, I
will insist upon some kind of memory classes.
8. If I have a protector who swoops in, interrupts my fight
with the monster just for a motivational speech, and then
leaves me without helping in any other way, I will dump him
and look for a protector that will fight at my side.
9. No matter how ridiculous the villain may seem, I will
give him/her/it my full respect until proven otherwise.
10. Attacking from behind is NOT the act of a coward. It's
the act of a magical girl who wishes to minimize fights.
11. If an ally speaks only in riddles, I will give him/her
the chance to speak clearly. If he or she refuses, I will
find new allies.
12. If an ally claims to know the future, I will tell him
or her to quick speaking nonsense, and quote Yoda if I have
to.
13. If I discover other magical girls, I will force them to
learn such strategies as ambushes, flanking maneuvers, rear
guards, and catching opponents in a crossfire.
14. If my enemy consistently uses the same tactics over and
over, I will use that predictability to plan an attack to
kill that enemy.
15. If I discover that I am reborn from a previous time, I
will not be surprised by what my past self was like.
16. If an enemy stops to gloat, I will take that as the
opportunity it is and kill him/her/it.
17. If my enemies consistently use minions that shout out
random attack phrase right before striking, I will learn to
dodge at those shouts.
18. I will NOT make any speeches about "love," "justice,"
or any other foolishness until AFTER I've defeated my enemy.
19. If my enemy is revealed to be a human, highly-placed or
otherwise, I will remember that he or she is undoubtedly
attempting to destroy or take over the planet and that
professional assassins exist for a reason.
20. I will deliberately walk into walls, gorge myself while
eating, and make a general fool of myself, so as to surprise
my enemies when I show competence in battle.
21. If possible, I will create attacks that require no
words, so as to surprise my enemy when I kill him/her/it
with it.
22. If my magical animal sidekick has any
weapons/powerups/useful magical devices, I will insist upon
getting them immediately, and not wait until my enemies are
stronger than me.
23. I will NOT save my most powerful attack until after the
monster is weakened by my friends. Instead, I will use it at
the beginning of the fight, in the hopes of making the fight
a short one.
24. If I come to possess an artifact of great power that
can aid me in defeating evil, I will use it as often as
possible, without raising a serious threat to myself.
25. I will learn how to properly use said artifacts before
anything else.
26. I will NEVER trust a villain's word. There's a reason
why he/she is the villain, after all.
27. If my enemy asks if I could find it in my heart to let
him or her go, I will say, "Yes," then turn and walk away.
When my enemy attempts to shoot me in the back, my allies
will kill him.
28. I will not announce my attacks. If I must, I will use
attack phrases that are totally unlike the attack.
"Beautiful Love Heart Attack," for example, will produce
some kind of magical napalm.
29. In the event that I have a choice between my teammates
and completing the mission, I will both remember that if I
do not complete the mission, my friends will undoubtedly die
anyways, and that they knew the risks when they signed up.
30. I will ensure my magical uniform has protective
properties. If it is unable to favorably compare to a
bulletproof vest, I will get rid of it and find a new
magical uniform.
31. Just because someone *can* destroy the world, doesn't
mean that they *will.* I will keep this in mind when my
allies have frightening powers.
32. If several members of my group have weapons/special
accessories, I will discover if the rest of my group should
have something as well.
33. I will not try to defy prophecy, as that never works.
Rather, I will find a way to manipulate said prophecy to my
favor.
34. I will remember that cheating is defined by the winners
and will use every under-handed, dirty, or otherwise cheap
trick in the book in order to ensure winning the fight.
35. If the villain takes a hostage, I will mourn for said
hostage, then act to avenge their deaths. Any promises the
villain makes in regard to the hostage will be regarded as
the lies they most likely are.
36. If performing an attack leaves me immobilized or unable
to defend myself, I will make sure my teammates know about
this, and are able to give me cover while I initiate it.
37. If my One, True Love is captured by the other side and
brainwashed to fight against me, I will not hold back
against him, as I know he would not want me to be hurt
because of him.
38. If I have a magical device capable of driving the evil
out of people, I will use it on the evil minions. At worst,
it will do nothing, and I will have to kill them. At best,
it will work on them, and they will turn to my side.
39. If said device can also remove a person's humanity,
making them happy zombies, I will try to find a way to
remove that feature.
40. I will remember that while magically charged attacks
are good, magically charged ammunition (especially fired
from automatic weapons) is better in many, many cases.
40. I will make all of my allies take at least rudimentary
first aid.
41. If a friend starts to date or care about a villain, I
will present logical, comprehensive data as to the villain's
true nature. Videotapes, pictures, pie charts, and other
easily understood factors will be included.
42. Just because an enemy appears to be defeated does not
mean he/she is. I will remain on my guard until I'm
absolutely sure they can't squeeze out one final attack.
43. If my most powerful ability might destroy the world
when used, I will research less risky methods of mass
destruction.
44. I will create an attack that is silent, invisible, or
in some other manner hard to detect until it strikes the
target.
45. I will NOT seal away an evil opponent, leaving it free
to escape and make trouble for my children. Instead, I kill
it.
46. If I am unable to kill the opponent, merely seal them,
then I will seal them, and then kill them while they're
helpless.
47. If a villain begs for mercy, I will remember how much
mercy they have shown themselves to be capable of, and show
them the same amount.
48. I will never assume an enemy has just one minion.
Instead, I will assume there are many minions and plan
accordingly.
49. No matter how ridiculous our opponents look, I will
assume they are incredibly dangerous and act accordingly.
50. I will NEVER rely on any device to transform into my
magical persona.
51. If I must rely on a device, I will never reveal it.
Instead, I will hide it somewhere about my body and use a
large, flashy object to provide my enemies with something to
try and steal.
52. If I invade the villain's base, on my way out I will
steal anything that looks even remotely magical and not
nailed down. If I cannot steal it, I will use my magical
powers to destroy it.
53. The near-magical powers of plastic explosives will not
be overlooked.
54. If my enemy starts a long, drawn-out attack sequence, I
will kill him/her while he/she is still preparing it, not
wait until AFTER it is cast.
55. If my daughter from the future appears suddenly, I will
investigate her claims. DNA testing, a quiz about the
immediate future, and personal questions about me that my
daughter should know will all be included.
56. If my daughter from the future is proven to be my
daughter, and is INDESCRIBABLY annoying, I will investigate
possible methods of birth control immediately.
57. I will remember that I am a Magical GIRL, and that
kicking the male villain in the groin repeatedly is a
perfectly valid way to fight.
58. If my most powerful attack takes a large amount of time
to cast or strike, I will fix those faults. If I cannot fix
it, I will develop a different attack.
59. Whenever I hear a prophecy, I will try to figure out
all the possible alternate interpretations rather than just
going with the obvious one.
60. I will NEVER de-transform unless I am certain it is
safe.
61. I will not forgo my weaker, faster attacks in favor of
my slower, more powerful attacks.
62. If I must seal an opponent, I will ensure that they are
sealed in a location that is as difficult to reach as
possible, ensuring that they will not be released by
accident/too early.
63. If I must seal away an opponent, I will make sure ALL
my children know about it. Not just the ones that I think
will have to deal with it.
64. Not all of my allies have to be magical girls. There is
something to be said for allies carrying assault weapons.
65. If I get a magical advisor who constantly advises me to
be more like my last life and doesn't give useful advice for
the fighting in this one, I will stop listening to her and
try to get another advisor. Preferably one who used to be a
warrior.
66. Since I know that a well-developed intellect is my
greatest weapon, I will study all material given to me by my
teachers thoroughly. I will also intensely study materials
not assigned to me in school.
67. Even though I have studied intensively, I will score
badly on ALL tests. By doing so, other people will assume I
am a bubble-headed moron. And you know what they say about
assumptions.
68. Any new students or other people my age that I meet
will be closely observed. They are likely to be Masked
Protectors (particularly if we constantly argue), other
Magical Girls, or Villains in Disguise.
69. I will be PRO-active, not RE-active.
70. If one or a few of my presumed allies spends the whole
series acting pretty much like the villains, I will remember
that when they attempt to beg for forgiveness. After all,
how trustworthy were they before?
71. I will use my powers and influence to acquire wealth,
status and political power. I will then use that to crush
any organized villains when they show up, thus sparing myself,
my alllies and innocent bystanders the hazards of combat.
72. I will tell a few friends or family my secret identity
so that they can make excuses for me when fighting requires
me to miss school or work.
73. I will wear a mask.
74. I will fight in different uniforms. Hopefully, my
enemies will think there are several different heroes out
there. If necessary, I will cross-dress.
75. I will hit on the villain. It will confuse him/her, and
might even get him/her to change sides. If the villain is
the same sex as me, it will probably creep them out. If not,
then the original plan still applies.
76. I will start an aggressive merchandising campaign. I
will use the majority of the funds thus earned to help hunt
down the villain. A very large bounty on his/her skull
should help a bit.
77. I will earmark a significant portion of those funds to
be placed in a safe place. I'll need something to live on
after the villain is dead, after all.
78. If one of my allies has a computer that is light-years
beyond current tech, I will use and abuse that computer.
Hacking into the Pentagon to classify our enemy as a serious
national threat is a perfectly valid tactic, after all.
79. Said computer will also help us live a little more
independently. After all, taking money away from criminals
is justice. And college is expensive.
80: If I am destined to rule the world, I will still make
sure to finish my education and build up a large nest-egg.
Destiny never says *how* something is supposed to happen,
after all.
81: I will not limit myself to one form of attack. For
instance, if my powers are primarily magical, I will
research technological alternatives. Or if my powers are
primarily ranged attacks, I will seek melee and hand to hand
training.
82. I will do the unexpected.
83. If the unexpected doesn't work, I'll attempt the
impossible
84. I will not pay attention to odds.
85. When in doubt, kill it.
Taken from http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~dkb1/anime.txt
-
eamonn, you had me laughing.
but then again, i am a cheap date.
-
:LMAO:
-
eamonn, you had me laughing.
but then again, i am a cheap date.
You've succesfully lowered the bar once again with your cheap and colourful tackiness, just like American sit-coms, empty-headed valley/prep girls (see above) and burger 'joints and politicians.
-
'joints
What does the ' stand for in 'joints?
-
What does the ' stand for in 'joints?
Everyone's a comedian and a critic and an english examiner these days. It was supposed to read 'joints' to point out that we dont use that vulgar word here, as a matter of course.
-
We don't use the word joint? Personally, if i had a joint right now, i would not hesitate in describing exactly how good the shit in it was. And if you are refering to the word joint as meaning place, i have just not had the opportunity to need to use the word joint in a sentance, but i can think of some tones in text i could be going for that would make the word joint most appropriate, just as there are some tones that make the word aint sound appropriate and best.
-
eamonn, you had me laughing.
but then again, i am a cheap date.
You've succesfully lowered the bar once again with your cheap and colourful tackiness, just like American sit-coms, empty-headed valley/prep girls (see above) and burger 'joints and politicians.
i have no shame admitting that you are 100 percent correct.
expect the bar to lower even more.
-
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/keighleymd/5489405.jpg)
-
i find myself wandering towards the platform edge.
-
i find myself wandering towards the platform edge.
You'd better be careful you might fall off.
-
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/keighleymd/5489405.jpg)
So is this a place with "fond" memories for you! :eyebrows:
-
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/keighleymd/5489405.jpg)
So is this a place with "fond" memories for you! :eyebrows:
:laugh: I've never actually been but I don't need no stinking sign to tell me what to do. ;)
-
After reading about yours and Dunc's depleting the condom market, I bet you don't! ;)
You and the Dunc man are GODS! :headbang: :david:
Note: worship these GODS at an altar made out of a firm mattress and no squeeky springs, otherwise you will incur their wrath. Upon this altar stand two inflated dolls, one man and one woman with the appropriate faces of the respective deities on their respective gender dolls. Worship these GODS by offering your body to either one of them or for maximum worship both. If your a guy and your sacrifice pleases them, then the ENZYTE that your taking for natural male enhancement will actually work and you will never need the Viagra that your currently using. If your a woman, then the hot stud muffinthat captures your eye and attention will not turn out to be GAY as you found out your ex husband/boyfriend was. If your Bisexual, then the GODS will grant you the energy to keep up with them, hence the term "GODHEAD"!
Suitable offerings that you can make for minor favors incude, condoms (if you can find any), a nice lubricant and any sex toy that is endorsed by "Talk Sex's" Dr. Sue Johannsen now showing late night on the Oxygen Channel.
Incurring of their wrath may result in shrinkage, dryness and or inflamed intensely itchy rashes in places that you cannot scratch in public. And an overwhelming desire to point and laugh at your lovers attributes at the worst possible moment!
-
:LMAO: That last post was definetely in the right thread Ozy :)
-
Your too kind! But thank you! :heart:
-
:LMAO:
+
-
:LMAO:
+
+2
if i was correct in assuming that it was for ozy.
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/790689.1.gif)
-
So as I'm driving by the sign, I shake my head and ponder WTF, and as I resume my normal speed, suddenly see that the bridge is o.................................
-
(http://pic.piczo.com/img/i168026129_7341_2.jpg)
-
porno
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L1zVHwhfI4
-
http://www.knitemare.org/cats/
My personal favorite:
(http://www.knitemare.org/cats/270915351_bc8e626c68.jpg)
-
:laugh:
-
I'm laughing hysterically at this one. It's really not funny at all but...
(http://www.knitemare.org/cats/1157597885088.jpg)
EDIT: Oh man, that WAS an evil post; my 1666th.
-
I think it is hilarious.
/me hides from HG.
-
http://www.knitemare.org/cats/
My personal favorite:
(http://www.knitemare.org/cats/270915351_bc8e626c68.jpg)
No connection to that server. :(
-
No connection? Meaning you can't see the picture?
-
http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/dbj_001.htm
I am going to hell for posting that. I swear to god I am.
-
Well, you will be in good company! ;) I'll save a place for ya!
-
http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/dbj_001.htm
I am going to hell for posting that. I swear to god I am.
Most of those also work as "Roadkill Lawyer" jokes. Promoting a high number of roadkill lawyers is something I've given some thought to.
-
Those dead baby jokes are not funny, Nomaken. My baby died and I find the jokes offensive.
-
-
That's very sad Callaway.
We lost four in pregnancy, but one was during the sixth month and the family had already given lots of gifts. It was a very real 'baby' to us. It's not the same, but it still ripped us apart, when it happened.
I'm really sorry for you.
-
I just hope to god if someone I love dies in a huge fuck up in a construction yard, this won't lose its flavor to me.
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/791274.1.gif)
-
http://www.muchosucko.com/video-fuck.html
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1163711966525.gif)
Although I don't agree with it, I still think it is hilarious.
-
Schadenfreude alert! http://www.fmft.net/archives/BBC_NEWS.htm (http://www.fmft.net/archives/BBC_NEWS.htm)
-
Schadenfreude alert! http://www.fmft.net/archives/BBC_NEWS.htm (http://www.fmft.net/archives/BBC_NEWS.htm)
All I can say in response to that is:
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1163572295018.gif)
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1163711966525.gif)
Although I don't agree with it, I still think it is hilarious.
I don't agree with it either. It's absolutely horrible. And I wonder if they have sheets like that in human version? I'm always stumped for what to buy my boyfriend on holidays, and Christmas is coming!
Get it? Coming?
Wow. I'm so immature.
-
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/keighleymd/jesuscard.jpg)
-
(http://img213.imageshack.us/img213/4522/image17cg.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)
Fragment of a real estate sign battered by snowplows. I caption it, "Real Estate is Dirt Cheap Around Here"
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1163711966525.gif)
Although I don't agree with it, I still think it is hilarious.
I don't agree with it either. It's absolutely horrible. And I wonder if they have sheets like that in human version? I'm always stumped for what to buy my boyfriend on holidays, and Christmas is coming!
Get it? Coming?
Wow. I'm so immature.
:laugh:
-
Jingle Bells played backwards
I'm sure you've heard of cryptic messages when you play songs backwards, listen to this one all the way through; you'll be amazed.
Click on the link below ... You have to listen carefully.
http://pub.sinuspl.net/flash/Jingle_Bells_Reversed.swf
:)
-
Jingle Bells played backwards
I'm sure you've heard of cryptic messages when you play songs backwards, listen to this one all the way through; you'll be amazed.
Click on the link below ... You have to listen carefully.
http://pub.sinuspl.net/flash/Jingle_Bells_Reversed.swf
:)
You are wicked, DirtDawg! ;D
-
Very bad DirtDawg. :evillaugh:
-
Was there an image? I wasn't watching. My prank sense were flaring.
-
You are wicked, DirtDawg! ;D
Thank you.
Try this one ... old but classic.
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After six children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God!"
Silence fell upon the congregation. No one dared challenge the thought. In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Snow and rain are also acts of God, but when we get too much we wear rubbers!"
-
:LMAO:
-
Karma for DirtDawg! :laugh:
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1157077533830.gif)
-
:LOL: I love you, Nomaken. + ;D
-
^_~
-
Nomaken stolen the idea from Me from another thread, You son-of-a-bitch . >:(
-
LMAO
-
Actually I had that picture for a long time before the cats thread. I've been slowly doleing out my funny pictures. It did remind me of it however. But I like the joke delivery in mine better than the cat picture.
-
Actually I had that picture for a long time before the cats thread. I've been slowly doleing out my funny pictures. It did remind me of it however. But I like the joke delivery in mine better than the cat picture.
Yeah if You say so. :P
-
I save images from /b/ all the time, and I group the images by months. That one was saved in my august folder.
-
I save images from /b/ all the time, and I group the images by months. That one was saved in my august folder.
Okay. ;)
-
A few more beers. :beer:
-
I can see that. This is the "make someone laugh" thread. :laugh:
-
Dogwood trees?
-
:green:
-
Dogwood trees?
Ah, Morning wood! :eyebrows:
-
Dogwood trees?
Does anyone else think that that looks more like anal than doggystyle?
-
Maybe a little, but mainly, it just makes me want to add extra lubricant to everything I do.
I don't who's more perverted, the guys who made it so they could put it on the internet or the guy who found it and pasted in his favorite forum.
-
(http://www.cortstratton.org/gallery/d/8063-2/lube.jpg)
:P
-
It appears to be a tree..... fucking a tree...
I would like to take a moment to thank god for whatever weird ass pattern recognition humans have been blessed with that they can recognize, assign significance to, and post like a childish monkey it to a webpage things like that.
-
I'm laughing hysterically at this one. It's really not funny at all but...
(http://www.knitemare.org/cats/1157597885088.jpg)
EDIT: Oh man, that WAS an evil post; my 1666th.
Damn it! It's vanished from the internet! It was the "rape is imminent" one. I wish I'd saved it.
-
(http://www.vgcats.com/comics/images/050516.jpg)
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1163985662456.gif)
-
i never noticed that mean cat in the background before.
no i find it funny.
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1163989775187.gif)
-
night jimbob.
night sally may.
night ma.
night pa....
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1163985662456.gif)
w00t! Thanks!
-
I just made the following article (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Audio_mastering) on audio mastering. Should hopefully be enough to make most people atleast somewhat knowledgable laugh. Perhaps it was a bit risky to post it while the Forest Fire Week is still going on, but I think this one has significantly greater potential than all my previous ones.
-
I just made the following article (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Audio_mastering) on audio mastering. Should hopefully be enough to make most people atleast somewhat knowledgable laugh. Perhaps it was a bit risky to post it while the Forest Fire Week is still going on, but I think this one has significantly greater potential than all my previous ones.
I laughed.
Of course, since modern recordings are so unlistenable, I just play them through the little computer speakers. They have all the resolution the overcompressed, one hundred percent distortion disks need, anyway. I've got a really nice modern tube system to bring out the best in those 'low-fi' tube recorded sessions from the fifties and sixties, though.
I + ya for the effort.
-
:P
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/060213.gif)
-
(http://www.vgcats.com/comics/images/061121.jpg)
8)
-
This made me laugh anyway... :evillaugh:
SHOUTBOX TROLL! (from last.fm this morning)
*nazi troll who ignored my 'fuck off and go back to licking Hitler's sweaty arse crack' disclaimer*: Gothic music sucks.
*me*: Racist brain donors suck their own cocks. Are you TR00 GR1M as well as a RAC loser? HAHAHAHA!
*nazi troll, dimwittedly replying on his own shoutbox*: I thought we were the immature, brainless dorks? And please explain why I shouldn't have pride in my race, heritage and culture, and want to preserve them.
*me*: er, because 'white pride' is fucking stupid? its possible to have pride in who you are and where you come from without hating everyone who isn't white, advocating violence against non-aryans, and hero-worshipping a genocidal maniac who got royally pwned sixty years ago. If white supremacists are the defenders of 'white' culture, its already fucked. Also, you started it Mr. Maturity - so fuck off!
:flamer: :moon: wonder if he'll take the hint? :eyebrows:
-
+1 for pwnage.
-
LOL, the last one was funnier because he started from the premise that I was 'a pathethic self-diagnosis case', and used teh big words to attempt to make himself look less full of shit. Highlight: response to 'everyone except you believes so' - 'So if I say everyone except you beieves that you dress up as a Bavarian tavern barmaid and wank off to your Nazi music, it must be true! OMG the logic!! *head explodes*'... he gave up after that. :LMAO:
-
Some guy on msn is asking me to cut my sister's hair.
isaac says:
hi
thepeaguy says:
Hello. You're the buyer for ZoE 2, right?
thepeaguy says:
Any problems that I can help you with?
isaac says:
hi
thepeaguy says:
Hello again, buyer. Anything I can do for you?
isaac says:
do u have a bro
thepeaguy says:
Why do you ask that?
thepeaguy says:
I have a sister, if you must know. But what is that got to do with anything? I'm confused.
isaac says:
how old is ur sister
thepeaguy says:
Twenty-two, and she's not single.
isaac says:
is she at home
thepeaguy says:
Yes.
isaac says:
go get her and a towel and sisscors
isaac just sent you a Nudge!
thepeaguy says:
I'm rather confused here.
isaac says:
have u got ur sister and a towel and sisscors
thepeaguy says:
No. What's that going to achieve?
thepeaguy says:
Why do I get the weirdos? :/
isaac says:
tell u when u have done that
isaac just sent you a Nudge!
thepeaguy says:
...Oookay.
thepeaguy says:
So, who are you?
thepeaguy says:
And how did you get my address?
isaac says:
have u got ur sister and a towel and sisscors
thepeaguy says:
...What?
thepeaguy says:
I have a sister, but no, I don't have any towels or scissors, unfortuantely for you, bucko.
thepeaguy says:
Yes.
thepeaguy says:
I NOW have them.
thepeaguy says:
Now what?
isaac says:
do u have anything that can cut hair
thepeaguy says:
yes
thepeaguy says:
if you are about to ask me to cut my sister's hair then don't bother coz she hasn't got any.
isaac says:
k
thepeaguy says:
Is that all you want?
isaac says:
do u need a haircut
thepeaguy says:
No, thank you -- I haven't got any.
-
I think I speak for all of us, when I say, What the fucking fuck? Sounds like one of the crank calls I used to get when I was a customer service serf. :LOL:
-
I think I speak for all of us, when I say, What the fucking fuck? Sounds like one of the crank calls I used to get when I was a customer service serf. :LOL:
Indeed.
-
I got some beauties... my favourites were the guy who played spliced clips of action movies and IRA music (until finally blocked, lol) and a possibly confused Scottish bloke who kept calling because he 'wanted to speak to a gay guy'. After our fourth exchange I finally persuaded him to look in a phone book under gay and lesbian support organisations, cos unless he wanted a ridiculously expensive loan I couldn't help him. :wallbutt:
-
I got some beauties... my favourites were the guy who played spliced clips of action movies and IRA music (until finally blocked, lol) and a possibly confused Scottish bloke who kept calling because he 'wanted to speak to a gay guy'. After our fourth exchange I finally persuaded him to look in a phone book under gay and lesbian support organisations, cos unless he wanted a ridiculously expensive loan I couldn't help him. :wallbutt:
Why do we attract the headcases? Oh why?!
-
LOL, the last one was funnier because he started from the premise that I was 'a pathethic self-diagnosis case', and used teh big words to attempt to make himself look less full of shit. Highlight: response to 'everyone except you believes so' - 'So if I say everyone except you beieves that you dress up as a Bavarian tavern barmaid and wank off to your Nazi music, it must be true! OMG the logic!! *head explodes*'... he gave up after that. :LMAO:
"Self-diagnosed case"?
-
I know! Twats like that deserve to look stupid. By the way, the reason I'm getting lame pwn attempts in my last.fm shoutbox is for leaving comments on white power bands' pages like 'I hope they get buggered by black men', '*shits in shoutbox*', and 'HA HA I pissed in your gene pool, wankers' :LMAO:
-
What do you people see in this link? http://prophotos.pr.funpic.org/index.php?pic2038.jpg
-
What do you people see in this link? http://prophotos.pr.funpic.org/index.php?pic2038.jpg
No suitable nodes are available to serve your request.
-
What do you people see in this link? http://prophotos.pr.funpic.org/index.php?pic2038.jpg
No suitable nodes are available to serve your request.
Same as me, eh? Figures.
I had some kid, who I don't know, showing me his picture which I cannot see.
-
I'm probably going to pay for this.
-
Fucking golfers ...
-
... at least learn to READ English.
-
What's it like to run out of places to tattoo?
-
I've got to get some of these.
-
(http://pic.piczo.com/img/i165857723_12123_2.jpg)
-
I am going to intentionally believe that is real. Because that is funny as fuck.
-
i was gonna give u a +1 but cos u dont like it ur -sed
-
...
-
This is why I love children.
-
http://www.globalorgasm.org/demo.html
"No, these guys look way too hot to be scientists, okay, this guy looks like he hasn't seen much daylight."
LOL
-
Here a picture that made Me laugh
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1163534105876.png)
That is osaka fucking pyramid head. The full wrongness of this cannot be understood unless you are familiar with both azumanga daioh and silent hill.
-
...
-
...
-
...
-
(http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=985.0;attach=1309)
JEEZ, if you could DX aspies by looking at pictures, I think I see at least four or five. FUCK!
:evillaugh:
-
(http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=985.0;attach=1309)
JEEZ, if you could DX aspies by looking at pictures, I think I see at least four or five. FUCK!
:evillaugh:
i see several child molestors and future billionaires.
-
(http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=985.0;attach=1309)
JEEZ, if you could DX aspies by looking at pictures, I think I see at least four or five. FUCK!
:evillaugh:
i see several child molestors and future billionaires.
+1 figuratively.
-
(http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=985.0;attach=1309)
JEEZ, if you could DX aspies by looking at pictures, I think I see at least four or five. FUCK!
:evillaugh:
i see several child molestors and future billionaires.
+1 figuratively.
fuck that shit, i want my point, literally.
-
I gave you one.
I find his wise cracks kind of funny and ironic, actually.
-
I gave you one.
I find his wise cracks kind of funny and ironic, actually.
ironic in the hypocritical sense?
-
You like having karma, I like you liking having karma. I dont like having karma. Why can't I not have karma? Because of techinical limitations. So if I must have karma, why cant I set it to something I cant keep track of?
-
You like having karma, I like you liking having karma. I dont like having karma. Why can't I not have karma? Because of techinical limitations. So if I must have karma, why cant I set it to something I cant keep track of?
Did anyone say you shouldn't be able to?
-
Well mcjagger seems to be getting pissed at me and calling my a hypocrit for +1ing him but me not liking me having karma. And I don't see anything hypocritical about it.
-
Well mcjagger seems to be getting pissed at me and calling my a hypocrit for +1ing him but me not liking me having karma. And I don't see anything hypocritical about it.
I thought he meant that it was hypocritical to say you hated the karma system and wouldn't use it but still saying +1 (even though you don't actually give the karma point). But I could have read him wrong.
-
Well mcjagger seems to be getting pissed at me and calling my a hypocrit for +1ing him but me not liking me having karma. And I don't see anything hypocritical about it.
No, I think he just wanted his actual literal karma point from you if you said +1 to him.
If you don't like the karma system and you don't actually want to literally + somebody, maybe it would be better to give them a different compliment rather than +1.
-
...
-
Did you see the one that said not to complain or question him if he was home late for dinner or even if he stayed out all night long?
Nonsense! How was a wife expected to have dinner waiting for him if she had no idea of when he was coming home?
If he stayed out all night long unexpectedly and she said nothing, he might get the idea that she did not even care about his well-being at all.
How did these fifties women put up with it?
-
I like the part about not bothering him with what your day's been like cos it can't be that important anyway. :laugh:
-
How did these fifties women put up with it?
They took it for a few years and started burning their bras and wearing boots.
Coincidentally, I latched onto a good sized book, at an antique shop, from the turn of the previous century which is basically the same theme. It includes dressing in circa 1900 feminine finery, proper dietary considerations women should make, maintaining a home, full chapters on proper lady-like behavior for various situations. I only skimmed through it, but it is such an "out of touch with reality" volume, I couldn't resist buying it. Open any chapter and you will laugh, before you finish one page.
-
How did these fifties women put up with it?
They took it for a few years and started burning their bras and wearing boots.
I thought about burning my bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out.
:laugh:
-
I thought about burning my bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out.
:laugh:
Put it out? You're not supposed to put it out if you burn it as a protest, ya know. :laugh:
+
-
How did these fifties women put up with it?
They took it for a few years and started burning their bras and wearing boots.
I thought about burning my bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out.
:laugh:
:LMAO: I can imagine the glow would have been visible for miles! :eyebrows:
+
-
Shouldn't the thought count for more than a number?
-
Shouldn't the thought count for more than a number?
A letter? :P
-
Shouldn't the thought count for more than a number?
no, i like numbers.
actions speak louder than words. if you click it then i will be grateful, a +1 lie, well then i am saddened.
-
Assume that I +1ed you and somebody else -1'd you at the same time. I didn't think you'd pay enough attention to the number to know whether or not I really did.
-
Did you see the one that said not to complain or question him if he was home late for dinner or even if he stayed out all night long?
Nonsense! How was a wife expected to have dinner waiting for him if she had no idea of when he was coming home?
If he stayed out all night long unexpectedly and she said nothing, he might get the idea that she did not even care about his well-being at all.
How did these fifties women put up with it?
They were chained to the stove and got five across the eyes if they left it. 8)
-
Did you see the one that said not to complain or question him if he was home late for dinner or even if he stayed out all night long?
Nonsense! How was a wife expected to have dinner waiting for him if she had no idea of when he was coming home?
If he stayed out all night long unexpectedly and she said nothing, he might get the idea that she did not even care about his well-being at all.
How did these fifties women put up with it?
They were chained to the stove and got five across the eyes if they left it. 8)
I'm picturing you chained to something right now. >:D
-
Oh, don't get me wrong. I just wish that faith to narcissistic NT bitches. 8)
-
Time for a Cristmas story:
Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip....but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
The Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress!
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. Totally frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hit the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbel rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree fat man?"
And that, boys and girls, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas Tree!
-
We don't have angels on top of the Christmas trees in Sweden, we have a Christmas star. And it's a tradition not to buy the tree but to steal it, at least if you live in the countryside or a suburb. And that's not even a joke. 8)
-
Another funny story: Pearly Gates
A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!"
St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple minutes ago..."
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This made my day. The missile was a bottle of piss, apparently... :evillaugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YHLPjEQL0A (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YHLPjEQL0A)
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Why do you want the lead singer to get hit with a bottle of piss?
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Read the clip title again. :evillaugh:
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Is getting bottled some expression in the UK that I am not familiar with?
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Some nursing humor that may be of general interest:
Did you hear about the nurse who died and went to hell?
It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn't at work anymore!
You know your a nurse if.....You believe that every patient needs TLC, Thorazine, Lorazepam and Compazine.
You would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark alley one night!
Eating popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
You find ourself checking out other customer's arm veins in grocery waiting lines. (yes I do that)
You believe not all patients are annoying...some are unconscious.
Almost everything can seem humorous............ eventually!
You notice that you use more four letter words now than before you became a nurse!
Your bladder can expand to the same size as a Winnebago's water tank!
**In case you were wondering, how a nurse keeps their sanity!** :P
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Is getting bottled some expression in the UK that I am not familiar with?
No. You don't find the lead emo getting floored by a bottle of piss hilarious I take it?
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Kitty
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This made my day. The missile was a bottle of piss, apparently... :evillaugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YHLPjEQL0A (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YHLPjEQL0A)
Done those kind of gigs, before ... but what's the deal?
It looked like it hit him on the shoulder. Is he that much of a puss? .. or is that simply an emo demonstration? He was so devastated psychologically by the symbolic rejection that he couldn't even stand?
Sorry, but this is just stupid to me, but then I've worked with several guitar players who had multiple sets of teeth marks gouged into their guitar heads from defending themselves. We accused one guy of "taking scalps", because he smacked a guy once and came back with about a half inch diameter wad of oily hair stuck between his strings.
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He's a total emo pussy, and Panic! At The Disco are one of the lamest things ever to happen to music. Does that answer your question? >:D
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I like some of their songs. I don't know who the artists are, or anything about them, but it seems kind of mean to embarass them in front of a huge audience.
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He's a total emo pussy, and Panic! At The Disco are one of the lamest things ever to happen to music. Does that answer your question? >:D
Yes, but is there a request line?
Can I get other things thrown at other worthless acts on demand?
:eyebrows:
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I never pretended to be nice. I have a mental list of
twats 'artists' I'd like to see bombed with piss, and if I had been able to afford a ticket I'd have added my piss grenades to those fired at Travis at Leeds festival a few years back. :green:
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I don't really pay attention to the artists. I like the songs, but I couldn't remember the names of the artists if my life depended on it, and it'd be like russian roulet remembering the band names. Besides that fact, i am generally inclined to be kind.
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This is cute, pappy, sappy, sugary, emo, and not really funny, but it just struck me as a little overlooked, even though the message is so obvious.
Installing the Love Program
Technician: Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?
User: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me through the process?
Technician: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
User: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?
Technician: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?
User: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
Technician: What programs are running ma'am?
User: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM
running right now.
Technician: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
User: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Technician: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.
User: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
Technician: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
User: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
Technician: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the upgrades.
User: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
Technician: What does the message say?
User: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS. What does that mean?"
Technician: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in nontechnical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
User: So what should I do?
Technician: Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
User: Yes, I have it.
Technician: Excellent. You're getting good at this.
User: Thank you.
Technician: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MY HEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty our recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
User: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
Technician: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go.
User: Yes?
Technician: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.
User: I will. Thanks for your help.
-
This is cute, pappy, sappy, sugary, emo, and not really funny, but it just struck me as a little overlooked, even though the message is so obvious.
Installing the Love Program
Technician: Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?
User: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me through the process?
Technician: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
User: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?
Technician: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?
User: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
Technician: What programs are running ma'am?
User: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM
running right now.
Technician: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
User: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Technician: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.
User: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
Technician: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
User: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
Technician: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the upgrades.
User: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
Technician: What does the message say?
User: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS. What does that mean?"
Technician: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in nontechnical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
User: So what should I do?
Technician: Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
User: Yes, I have it.
Technician: Excellent. You're getting good at this.
User: Thank you.
Technician: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MY HEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty our recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
User: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
Technician: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go.
User: Yes?
Technician: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.
User: I will. Thanks for your help.
That actually cheered me up a bit. (Close to home)
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So thats what Thagomizer and you do for foreplay! :eyebrows:
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That actually cheered me up a bit. (Close to home)
Thank you for saying so. I was a little embarrassed after I put it up, because it is pretty corny and most think stuff like that is so silly, but since it made one person think good thoughts, it was worth all the embarrassment. The funny (strange) part is that it is all true.
:green:
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alex's new youtube video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeQ4hwimeO0
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alex's new alltel commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgnSgW-xz3c
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He's putting on weight.
:laugh:
I love the first few seconds of the first video when he realizes that his space is being invaded by the guy with the slate marker.
:)
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alex's new alltel commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgnSgW-xz3c
haha
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alex's new alltel commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgnSgW-xz3c
haha
is it him?
they both carry around the same i am cool but extremely scared mannerisms....
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alex's new alltel commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgnSgW-xz3c
haha
is it him?
they both carry around the same i am cool but extremely scared mannerisms....
OMG ... it's that over animated expression tendency that caused me to stay away from in front of cameras. The first few tmes I saw myself doing that I gave it up, even though I was really good at lines, reading and interpretaton of direction notes. Video introductions were becoming a popular way to promote bands when amatuer video cameras became inexpensive. I tried to use my leverage to enter that market, but I looked like that on camera. Promoting a product, even if it's a band, people have to believe that you are telling the truth. It takes a steady eye, relaxed posture and much slower change of expressions.
"Normal" people don't just switch expressions, they morph them from one to the other, a talent I lack.
:evillaugh:
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alex's new youtube video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeQ4hwimeO0
:laugh:
+
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*My apologies to the more sophisticated among us and to those from other shores who do not know how this relates to the American way of life.*
You might be a Redneck Jedi if...
You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
Wookies are offended by your B.O.
You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle."
If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, congratulations you are a cracker knight, now use your powers for good not evil......and question your parentage.....and possibly what that last meal consisted of. (Mynock stew again ma?)
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Bwahahahahahahahahaha
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So thats what Thagomizer and you do for foreplay! :eyebrows:
What exactly are you implying we do?
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So thats what Thagomizer and you do for foreplay! :eyebrows:
What exactly are you implying we do?
Nuuuthin, :angel:
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A quote from another forum that made me laugh out loud:
"We are the dyslexics of Borg. Futility is resistant. Your ass will be laminated."
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Nice one. :laugh:
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+ for that one! :laugh:
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(http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f287/findtheriver/biblesaur.jpg)
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(http://pic.piczo.com/img/i174606952_76471_2.jpg)
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(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1166070064522.gif)
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(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/keighleymd/aae42c6c7963a21752618b0af23c553f.jpg)
Admitedly they forgot to add a lane for those that just want to quickly do their shopping and get the fuck out of there.
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They don't need a lane, they have the sense, and common decency to move about without needing specifically labeled lanes.
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(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/keighleymd/aae42c6c7963a21752618b0af23c553f.jpg)
Admitedly they forgot to add a lane for those that just want to quickly do their shopping and get the fuck out of there.
:laugh:
... but fuck a bunch of shopping. I'm there to BUY SHIT and SPLIT as fast as possible.
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I find that a common feeling among men. However there are some items which are worth being picky over. I was really picky over my morter and pestle. I went to 3 different places, spent almost 30 minutes at each, looking for just the right one.
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I find that a common feeling among men. However there are some items which are worth being picky over. I was really picky over my morter and pestle. I went to 3 different places, spent almost 30 minutes at each, looking for just the right one.
Now, you're talking about a tool for yourself. That may change things a bit.
I use one for Tex-Mex food preparation, sometimes. The pestle can not have the same radius as the bowl of the mortar. It must be slightly smaller in radius from it's center axis, so that you can get a powerful grinding action. Finding the right difference between the two is not so easy with hand made products, either. I can sort of relate to the need for taking extra time to choose a properly made tool.
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Doesn't everyone take their time over choosing tools though, not just men?
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Oh! The one liners ...
But, I certainly hope so. That's what I meant. Tools are different from gifts.
Back on topic so that no one gets pissed at us, my brother e-mailed me this:
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, 'Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives may depend on it.'
'Dear,' the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, 'I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!!!!!!!'
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Actually, considering that I knew I was never going to use the morter and pestle(for more than 5 minutes after buying it), it is more like an ornament.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdIe0ZWDGDQ
I find it very funny.
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Not sure where else to put this, but I think it's really funny, anyway. Not a bad payoff for Heather for a few years work! Poor Paul :laugh:
http://au.launch.yahoo.com/061211/10/10cv8.html (http://au.launch.yahoo.com/061211/10/10cv8.html)
"Sir Paul McCartney will give his estranged wife Heather Mills a US$235 million divorce package to safeguard his health, according to a British newspaper.
The 'News Of The World' reports the former Beatle was urged to agree the deal by his daughters Stella and Mary because they are concerned the bitter divorce battle is affecting his well being.
The siblings reportedly told their father, "If this goes on, it could kill you. Being happy is more important than money."
The newspaper claims McCartney will publicly give his estranged wife a mere US$$19.5 million, most of which she'll donate to charity.
But she'll actually secure an enormous secret package including US$5.9 million a year as a divorce settlement, US$15.7 million to buy homes in America and Europe, US$5.9 million for English accommodation and more than US$3.9 million a year for staff and general expenses for the next 15 years.
One of McCartney's aides tells the newspaper, "It's a done deal and Paul is relieved." "
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Sir Paul should be able to make it anyway. If everything else fails, he can license a Beatle song to another pointless commercial. >:(
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Sir Paul should be able to make it anyway. If everything else fails, he can license a Beatle song to another pointless commercial. >:(
I'm not pissing his way, just laughing at the Ho's successes. I've read, elsewhere, that's about a tenth of his net worth. I really don't think she deserves half that much, but I paid out more than a tenth once to get a bitch away from me for good.
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Come on that's a bit harsh do you even know that he wasn't a complete twat to her?
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He could have been, but it doesn't seem like his thing.
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Don't know, but I've read so much about their ending and that's the impression I came away with. She has been quoted saying how he wasn't around enough. She married one of the most successful pop stars of our time, she has to share him, sorry. He didn't hide his identity from her.
I guess calling her Ho is a bit much. She certainly isn't a cheap one. Honestly, I admire her involvement in charities. OK, I'm kind of taking it back, but I'm still going to laugh at short celebrity marriages and especially large divorce settlements. Please, don't take any of that shit seriously.
I'm often reminded of some of the Johnny Carson divorces from gold diggers who were only around for a short time and came away with loads of loot. He even added it to his schtick, saying that women come up to him in a bar and tell him how sexy he is and how they would really like to divorce him.
:laugh:
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We're in second grade and the teacher has a book clear full of lessons on etiquette, except that they are all presented as sarcastic, reverse advice. Here's the phone etiquette, example. I think it's very funny, but I'm not a fan of using this kind of irony as a teaching tool on a seven year old autistic child. Damage control has already started, but anyway, laugh it up.
Excerpt from "Don't Forget Your Etiquette!" by David Greenberg
Merely saying a short, "Hello"
Has such a commonplace tone,
So here's a list of stylish ways,
For you to answer the phone.
Try lifting up the mouthpiece
And giving it a slurp,
Then speak into the receviver
With a sharp explosive burp!
Answer with a juicy snort
Instead of simply speaking
Or swing the phone around your head
While mysteriously squeaking.
Daintily hoist the receiver,
Then graceful as a swan,
Drop it down the kitchen sink
And turn the disposal on.
Answer the phone with baby talk
Or an agonizing groan.
Train your dog to grab one end
And gnaw it like a bone.
Throw it like a boomerang,
Bake it in a pie,
Or do the whole thing backwards-
And answer with "Goodbye!"
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:laugh: You mean its not good etiqutte to answer the phone with 'yes, what the fuck do you want?'
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That's more my inclination ... or "If your ass is on fire - call 911. Otherwise, this better be a crank call" Telemarketers used to be a problem here, and very few could keep their train of thought going after something like that.
The classics always work, too. "Hello, please, hold on. I have a cat in the oven I need to attend" ... or pretend to be talking abusively to someone in the room and the call is coming at a very bad time. "You stupid bitch! I told you that if you keep fucking the mailman I was going to kill his ass ... (back to the phone, overly calm voice) ... "I really have to clean up some stuff - can you call back later, please?"
My family know our routines and when not to call. Telemarketers, who always call during dinner, are shown no mercy.
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My dad knows someone who pretended to be a police officer investigating the murdere of the person who called and sort of implied that the caller was a suspect because they called.
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I'll have to add that one to my repertoire!
:laugh:
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That's more my inclination ... or "If your ass is on fire - call 911. Otherwise, this better be a crank call" Telemarketers used to be a problem here, and very few could keep their train of thought going after something like that.
The classics always work, too. "Hello, please, hold on. I have a cat in the oven I need to attend" ... or pretend to be talking abusively to someone in the room and the call is coming at a very bad time. "You stupid bitch! I told you that if you keep fucking the mailman I was going to kill his ass ... (back to the phone, overly calm voice) ... "I really have to clean up some stuff - can you call back later, please?"
My family know our routines and when not to call. Telemarketers, who always call during dinner, are shown no mercy.
When I have to answer the phone I'm usually too stressed out to come out with anything more than a tentative 'hello' unfortunately- there's plenty of things I'd like to say to people that force me to answer the phone.
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I just practice being an asshole until it becomes almost a reflex action, no matter how much stress I feel.
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I read that Heather Mills McCartney accused Paul McCartney of stabbing her in the arm with the broken stem of a wine glass which he broke after he smashed another glass throwing it at her. They have a three year old daughter together and if that is true, it was not a good environment for the child to live in. If the settlement is less than a tenth of his net worth, then he got a bargain, IMO. She might have gotten half in court.
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But the mere fact that there is a settlement points in another direction. I certainly hope that Sir Paul wouldn't stab his wife in the arm with a broken wine glass.
The tabloids will publish almost anything, on the other hand, so we'll probably never know what really happened.
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There was also a report that because he wouldn't allow her to have a bedpan she had to crawl to the toilet if she needed it in the night (although why she didn't just hop I don't know). The point is though if we accept that the newspaper reports about what he's supposed to have done to her may not be true, we should also accept that the newspaper reports about what she has done to him may not be true.
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... reasoned to perfection and lightly sautéd. i Esquésito !
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http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4555948164718446159&q=genre%3Acomedy+sign+language&hl=en
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Now we know what the White House, Thanksgiving turkey had to do to get his presidential pardon, this year.
(http://about.reuters.com/pictures/prints/galleries/Stories/631934490326523750/Previews/x001570020011124dxbn00001.jpg)
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Now we know what the White House, Thanksgiving turkey had to do to get his presidential pardon, this year.
(http://about.reuters.com/pictures/prints/galleries/Stories/631934490326523750/Previews/x001570020011124dxbn00001.jpg)
Yep thats our "dear shrub" suck his dick and he'll follow you anywhere! Laura Bush really must know how to deep throat to keep him interested in her ugly ass! :evillaugh:
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(http://www.wastingmytime.net/e107v616/e107_images/newspost_images/camel_toe_cup1.jpg)
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Eeeehhhwwwwwwwwwww.
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wow i'm more interested with the Velcro Mullet ;D
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even better :naruto4:
(http://www.computerpranks.com/download/images/computer/pampers.jpg)
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That does remind me of this one girl who wore some pants one day that gave her a camel toe. The juxtaposition between her camel toe and the fact that she was VERY cute was entrancing.
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My mom saw this and had me take a picture of it:
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v202/Mullipuff/ZionUnionChurch.png)
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I'm failing to see the humor here. Could you please explain to the stupid what the punchline is??
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It's an outside toilet just behind that board...
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It's an outside toilet just behind that board...
:laugh:
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+ For the Sacred Outhouse
-
+ For the Sacred Outhouse
+ for the quote, as I can't justify posting a + someone gave me in the member's choice forum. That would just be way too cheesy.
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My mom saw this and had me take a picture of it:
I like her sense of humor.
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+ For the Sacred Outhouse
+ for the quote, as I can't justify posting a + someone gave me in the member's choice forum. That would just be way too cheesy.
:cheese:
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A woman's husband, Arthur, disappeared so she reported him missing to the police. Some time later the police called her and asked her to come to a location, which turned out to be an artist's studio. The officer in charge explained that the artist had been killing people and using them as the base for his statues. "Yes," the woman replied, peering at one of the figures, "but is it Art?"
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(hot tea came out of my nose)(I should have known better)(it hurt like hell)(it sure smelled good, though)
:LMAO:
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I wonder if these two companies have considered a merger.
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Please, don't tell him.
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I wonder if these two companies have considered a merger.
:LMAO: + I wonder how many other people have made the "connection".
Consider the commercial possibilities, "So come on down to Dick's Sporting Goods, we're right after BJ's in the mall".
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I wonder if these two companies have considered a merger.
Is the photo undoctored? I've seen them near the same area but never in the same plaza.
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I wonder if these two companies have considered a merger.
Is the photo undoctored? I've seen them near the same area but never in the same plaza.
I don't know. I saw it on a pic thread at a music forum, I frequent, with the question "Does this give anyone ideas?" That was just my first idea. I think it might be interesting to park in between to get to both places, easier, if that's your thing. Help me out, please. I'm working on reduced resources, today.
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Thank Thagomizer for sharing these with me:
http://www.masterninja.com/smartass/?remark=vampirepersonals
http://www.masterninja.com/smartass/?remark=vampirepersonals2
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A belated, politically correct, legal staff approved seasonal greeting for all:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, un-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great.
Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than either any other country or the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting these greetings, you are accepting the aforementioned terms as stated. This greeting is not subject to clarification or
withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the
original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself/himself/others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the
wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the
issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Half a page to replace Merry Christmas ans Happy new Year ...
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I have discovered a cache of geeky humor.
(http://photos.pe.facebook.com/v57/51/82/511611201/n511611201_10661_2479.jpg)
(http://photos-259.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v57/71/9/15908095/n15908095_33305259_5871.jpg)
(http://photos-582.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v57/100/42/1065870789/n1065870789_30104582_5849.jpg)
(http://photos.pe.facebook.com/v57/51/82/511611201/n511611201_10198_6602.jpg)
(http://photos-149.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v56/195/19/120407932/n120407932_30466149_3581.jpg)
(http://photos-969.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v56/90/5/67702678/n67702678_30248969_2743.jpg)
(http://photos-529.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v57/250/108/9806431/n9806431_30564529_409.jpg)
(http://photos-155.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v56/83/40/9393662/n9393662_35586155_4391.jpg)
(http://photos-153.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v56/83/40/9393662/n9393662_35586153_4152.jpg)
(http://photos-709.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v56/169/40/36301014/n36301014_30084709_3667.jpg)
(http://photos-435.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v56/165/45/36910206/n36910206_32143435_2205.jpg)
(http://photos-460.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v55/22/19/500797013/n500797013_8460_2443.jpg)
(http://photos-459.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v55/22/19/500797013/n500797013_8459_1481.jpg)
(http://photos-344.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v55/181/66/10033895/n10033895_33264344_4670.jpg)
(http://photos-448.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v55/85/71/57503997/n57503997_30588448_7552.jpg)
(http://photos-684.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v55/174/32/1124461037/n1124461037_30166684_8573.jpg)
(http://photos-896.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v51/175/72/187902199/n187902199_31125896_6667.jpg)
(http://photos.pe.facebook.com/v55/51/4/223601659/n223601659_760402_1609.jpg)
(http://photos-072.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v54/13/110/23922844/n23922844_32026072_274.jpg)
(http://photos-636.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v55/50/31/820251/n820251_33359636_6110.jpg)
(http://photos-942.facebook.com/ip002/v55/20/17/13609301/n13609301_31971942_4658.jpg)
(http://photos-347.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v47/43/59/511532063/n511532063_6347_7845.jpg)
More to come.
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(http://photos-507.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v54/76/110/12329532/n12329532_32292507_8415.jpg)
(http://photos-262.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v47/39/16/28123899/n28123899_32468262_1623.jpg) (to reiterate)
(http://photos-260.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v47/250/43/25504219/n25504219_31533260_7888.jpg)
(http://photos-828.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v47/171/4/1103820201/n1103820201_30007828_3055.jpg)
(http://photos-826.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v47/171/4/1103820201/n1103820201_30007826_2713.jpg)
(http://photos-825.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v47/171/4/1103820201/n1103820201_30007825_2467.jpg)
(http://photos-989.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v47/162/4/5700241/n5700241_32426989_451.jpg)
(http://photos-315.ak.facebook.com/ip006/v36/249/32/58016230/n58016230_32388315_6370.jpg)
(http://photos-281.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v47/245/59/23931246/n23931246_31859281_722.jpg)
(http://photos-282.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v47/245/59/23931246/n23931246_31859282_1559.jpg)
(http://photos-198.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v48/169/15/122504662/n122504662_30474198_9705.jpg)
(http://photos-624.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v48/157/2/4304417/n4304417_30348624_701.jpg)
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The last one is just so fucking right.
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Crazy bitch + :laugh:
-
Rules of Drunk Dialing:
1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false advertisement.
2. It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don’t remember it, it didn’t happen.
3. If you are going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. Ex. “Mom, I’m in McDonald’s and they’re playing our song. I love you.â€
4. Dirty talk while drunk dialing is always preferred. Who doesn’t want to hear your best raspy, phone sex voice at 3 in the A.M. asking to bend them over something??
5. Voicemails are always better. This way your friend can let their friends have fun at your expense for days, even weeks to come.
6. Drunk texting is alright… if you are prepared to read what you wrote the next day when you are sober.
7. It is definitely a good idea to call all of your exes and remind them that you were the best lover they’ve ever had and everything they know, they learned from you. This way you can sleep well at night.
8. You can also call this same ex and let him/her know, that you know that he/she still loves you. Then explain to him/her that “I would still love me too!â€
9. If you are a frequent dialer, never get mad if someone dials you. Be happy they thought of you in this special time.
10. It is always a good idea to sing on someone’s answering machine or voicemail. Especially a show tune.
11. Drunk dialing should be fun and light hearted or dirty and sex crazed… never angry.
12. Most likely you will never drunk dial your best friends. They are usually the ones taking your phone away and reminding you that “you have a problemâ€.
13. If you deleted a number sober, it was probably for a good reason. Do not try to retrieve this number. Nothing good can come from it.
14. Always call someone you know. Finding random numbers in phone books is bad and usually leads to angry dialing.
15. If your cell phone dies, remember everything happens for a reason. Never borrow a friend’s phone to do your dialing.
16. Drunk dialing to a foreign country is usually too costly to be a good idea. But, if you really feel like if you don’t call this person you’ll just die, break rule 15 and use a friend’s phone.
17. Drunk dialing may lead to drunk muffin stuffing… be prepared.
18. When dialing remember that “hanging out†at 3 in the a.m. usually doesn’t involve cards it’s probably going to be more like cheap lube and handcuffs. So be prepared when you really do want to play X-box when your drunk… “you want me to do what with your box? Play with it?â€
19. Don’t drunk dial in the pool, tub, or rainstorm. It only ends up with you blow drying your phone when your far too drunk to be using electronics and you won’t be able to drunk dial anymore that night.
20. Never, I repeat, never drunk dial your boss, preacher, grandpa, or friend’s parents. If you are that hard up to call someone, there is an 800 number on Budweiser boxes. The person on the other line always sounds cute, plus I think they are used to drunk dialers.
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CrazyBitch, you're just crazy.
I+You
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http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/
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(http://www.partiallyclips.com/storage/sharpeis_lg.png)
(http://www.partiallyclips.com/storage/comedian_lg.png)
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I can't even think of a witty way to introduce this one. Just click the damn link. It's a gangsta penguins music video. (http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1574755863)
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I can't even think of a witty way to introduce this one. Just click the damn link. It's a gangsta penguins music video. (http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1574755863)
blacks and whites coming together for a walk-a-thon.
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A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a
woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a
description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes
of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor,
or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down
except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and
are extremely good looking "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep
going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and
help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly
stand it"Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: .
Fl! oor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help
with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign
reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to
please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
A New Wives store opened across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and
have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited
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>A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well
>groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a
>good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an
>upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid
>eighties).
>
>The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a
>sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
>
>
> <><><><><><><>
>
>
>An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
>
>He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set
>of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
>
>The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
>said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you
>can hear again."
>
>The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around
>and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
>
>
>
> <><><><><><><> Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement
>center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other
>and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and
>pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
>
>Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really!? Like a newborn
>baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Keep Reading
>
>A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're
>getting married?" "Yep!" "Do I know her?" "Nope!" "This woman, is she good
>looking?" "Not really." "Is she a good cook?" "Naw, she can't cook too
>well." "Does she have lots of money?" "Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
>"Well, then, is she good in bed?" "I don't know." "Why in the world do you
>want to marry her then?" "Because she can still drive!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second
>one says,"No, it's Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a
>beer."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost
>me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
>"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few
>days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous
>young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris
>and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
>
>Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
>cheerful." "The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a
>heart murmur; be careful."
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> and finally
>
>
>A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
>himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he
>ordered a banana split.
>
>The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
>
>"No," he replied, "arthritis."
-
You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.
Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything
in, but you can see right through them.
Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it
takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective
reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed,
but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often
over-inflated.
A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go
anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of
course, there's the hot air part.
Sponges are Female, because they're soft,
squeezable and retain water.
A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting
hit on.
A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old
lines to pick people up.
An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the
weight shifts to the bottom.
A Hammer is Male , because it hasn't changed much
over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have
around.
A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd
be male , didn't you? But consider this - it gives a
man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he
doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he
keeps trying!
-
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is
it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes
scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
:LMAO:
+ Ozymandias
-
God bless you for those ozy.
-
A very, very good Final Fantasy parody series of four parts I saw linked to on another forum:
Part 1 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPutYwiiE0o&mode=related).
Part 2 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wy4sxiAn-9E&mode=related).
Part 3 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYpG938CNZ8&mode=related).
Part 4 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwC08cDeSzg&mode=related).
Such things seldom get done particularly well, but this one was. The real filming fits in remarkably nicely. They got the stereotypical RPG-effects just right.
-
:LMAO:
+ Ozymandias
+2
-
Just a favourite of mine. Three men facing God....
God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend on how faithful you were to your wives on Earth. Man 1: Please God, I can''t count how many times I cheated on my wife. There were just too many beautiful women on Earth, and I had to have them all.
God: I am ashamed of you, my man, For that, I give you a run-down truck that barely moves.
Man 2: Dear God, please forgive me! I cheated on my wife once, just once! We were going through problems and I took the wrong turn. Please forgive me!
God: My man, I am ashamed of you too. But I will be kinder to you. For that, I give you a convertible BMW.
Man 3: Dear God, you will be so proud of me. I loved and worshipped my wife. I brought her roses everyday after work, I brought her gifts every aniversary, and we went travelling, and had dinner out three times a week, and...
God: Okay, my man, enough! I get the point. I am very proud of you! For that, I give you any car you desire!
Two weeks later Man 1 and 2 are driving on the freeway when they see Man 3 ahead of them, stopped in the middle of the road in his Black Jaguar.
Man 1 and 2: Hey Man! Why are you sitting in your car and crying your eyes out? You''re acting like some ungrateful bugger! Look at your car, man! What is your problem?!
Man 3: "I just saw my wife on rollerskates!"
-
(http://homepage.ntlworld.com/eileen.ratcliffe/Images/lollerskates-small.gif)
OMGWTFLOLLERSK8TZ!
+
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/pants.gif)
-
Note: I, personally, never use the word Poopie.
The Poopie List
• GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
• CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
• WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.
• SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.
• POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
• LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
• GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.
• DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
• CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.
• GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
• SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.
• WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
• THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.
• THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!
-
:laugh: Hate to say it, but that's my kinda humour...like the last one, but never done it. I always do a test run on the fart to check if anything is waiting :P
-
As a nurse and general all round nutjob, I find that funny! I have a slightly similar list in my humor folder!
-
:laugh: Hate to say it, but that's my kinda humour...like the last one, but never done it. I always do a test run on the fart to check if anything is waiting :P
quick, get me a change of undies. i just farted but it wasn't gaseous.
-
:laugh: Hate to say it, but that's my kinda humour...like the last one, but never done it. I always do a test run on the fart to check if anything is waiting :P
quick, get me a change of undies. i just farted but it wasn't gaseous.
(http://www.megacoolstuff.com/3dbiohazard/Biohazard200.jpg)
-
I have two books that I picked up at a local hiking center store:
"How to Shit in the woods" 2nd edition "An environmentally sound approach to a lost art" by Kathleen Meyer published by Ten Speed Press, Berkeley, California
"Up Shit Creek" "A collection of Horrifiyingly True Wilderness Toilet Misadventures" by Joe Lindsay (same publisher)
And for what it's worth
"Sex in the Outdoors" "A humorous approach to recreation" by Robert Rose, MD. and Buck Tilton, M.S. Illustrated by Marc Bohne
Published by ICS Books, Inc. 1370 E. 86th Place Merrillville, IN 46410
The shit creek book is hilariously gross and has a great list of all sorts of euphemisms for taking a shit! "drop the kids off at the pool" being one. >:D
-
I've read part of "How to shit in the woods." I was stuck in EMS while my mom shopped around (in her element).
-
(http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p209/renaeden/economy-class.jpg)
i think that elephant probably always has that non-plussed look on its face during tourist seeason.
-
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses! I thought the results were pretty interesting:
85% of women think their ass is too fat...
10% of women think their ass is too skinny...
The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.
-
Ole married an attractive woman, Lena, half his age. After several months, Lena complained that she had never climaxed during sex; and according to her Grandma, all Norwegian farm women are entitled to a climax once in a while.
To resolve the problem, they went to see the large-animal Vet since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in Mower County, Minn. The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his Mother and Dad, Olga and Sven, would fan a cow that was having any difficulty birthing a calf to cool her down and make her struggles easier.
The Vet told them to hire a strong, virile, young man to wave a towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to climax.
So the couple hired a young man from the big city of Minneapolis named Lars to wave a towel over them as the Vet suggested. After many efforts, and still no climax, they went back to the Vet. The Vet said for Lena to change partners and let Lars have sex with her while Ole waved the towel.
They tried it that night and Lena went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one after the other. When it was over, Ole smugly looked down at Lars and said, "Ya see, city slicker, now THAT's how ya wave a towel!"
-
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.
He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, with foul smelling fluid all over him, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!"
-
What is a son of a bitch, exactly?
[attachment deleted by admin]
-
:LMAO:
DD+
-
There must be some benefit to surfing the web for hours everyday. ::)
YouTube link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc)
-
:LMAO:
DD+
+1 DD. its been a few days, and i generally + you daily. because you deserve it.
-
Here's a few phrases for taking "a dump" for all you fecalphiles:
I gotta.....
coil one
crank a rad
download the database
drop a load
drop a log
drop the kids off at the pool
grind a steamer
grow a tail
lay some cable
lay some pipe
make a stinky
pinch a loaf
push one through the hoops
release the hostage
steam one
unleash the kraken
attend a presidential news conference
pass an act of congress
cast my ballot
-
... but you forgot my personal favorite.
"Blow some mud"
:laugh:
-
Oh I'm sure there's plenty more out there! :eyebrows:
In college we used to say: "Flush twice for <insert name of dining hall here>.
-
For reference:
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/forreference.gif)
And here's the pope:
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/niggaplease.gif)
-
Oh, wow! That was a great work out. I'm going to treat myself. One cookie, YES!
-
An old lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Old Lady: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Old Lady: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Old Lady: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Old Lady: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see ... Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?
Old Lady: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Old Lady: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Old Lady: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Old Lady: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.
Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.
A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Old Lady: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Old Lady: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Old Lady: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Old Lady: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.
__________________
-
Click the GW pic and pause a moment for a Macromedia Flashplayer page to load. He bounces around on the balls like falling dead meat and if he gets stuck, you can move him with your mouse. Or you can do what I do and just grab him with the mouse and slam him into stuff and spin him around. Pretty funny.
(http://i10.tinypic.com/2isgs5t.jpg) (http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm)
-
An elderly Ukrainian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Ukrainian perogies, with fried onions wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame. Gazing into the kitchen, where, if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table was literally hundreds of his favourite perogies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his Ukrainian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the perogies was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered man trembled on his way to the perogies at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.
"Fuck off!" she said. "They're for the funeral."
-
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now"
"Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from bird crap."
"No, but it was my first day with the hook."
-
A guy enters ER with both ears severely burned.
"So," says the Doctor examining him. "What happened?"
"I was ironing my shirt," the man explains, "and the phone rang, and well, I had to take the call..."
"Oh." The doctor thinks for a moment. "But what happened to your other ear?"
"Well, see, I had to call the ambulance..."
-
So, the guy confused the iron with the phone? I'm not sure I get that one.
-
Twice. Think of the action of lifting that phone and putting it onto your ear...
-
i thought he had a call waiting!
-
'kay. I get it. My jokes suck. :'(
-
'kay. I get it. My jokes suck. :'(
Surely, not all of them - just that one, right?
(The first clue is when you have to explain it. I find people asking me to explain my jokes several times and then they laugh, but probably not at the joke.)
-
'kay. I get it. My jokes suck. :'(
Surely, not all of them - just that one, right?
(The first clue is when you have to explain it. I find people asking me to explain my jokes several times and then they laugh, but probably not at the joke.)
Been there, felt that, + for feeling your pain!
-
Hey, I got it. I read a bunch of confused posts, and then went away, came back later and read the actual joke, and got it. It earned a small inner chuckle.
-
THE ZIPPER
A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady
cashier
walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open. Not a phrase
that
men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.
When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly
is
open." He zipped up and finished his shopping.
At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the lady
was
that told him about his "barracks door." He was planning to have a
little
fun with her, so when he reached the counter he said,
"When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a Marine
standing in there at attention?"
The lady (naturally smarter than the man) thought for a moment and
said,
"No, no I didn't. ..All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a
couple
of old duffel bags.
-
This is not a joke. It's advanced technology that we really don't need. I can't help, but laugh.
(http://www.atechflash.com/images/PIC-iCarta-Large.gif)
-
A Catholic priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of a northern University.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first."Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, " WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.
The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
__________________
-
A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar and sees a picture of President Bush hanging behind the bartender. He calls the bartender over and says, "You should take that picture down. George Bush is a blight upon this nation. He should be impeached."
The bartender, a life-long Republican, is completely offended. "Why you liberal piece of garbage. How dare you come into my bar and tell me how to run my business!"
"Listen, I'm the customer, so I'm always right." the man says. "That picture offends me, so I want you to take it down."
"That tears it," the bartender says, "How would you like it if I came into your bar and told you what to do?"
"Well, you'd be the customer, so you'd be right," the man says.
"Fine, then let's switch places," the bartender says.
So, they do. The man takes the bartender's place behind the bar, and the bartender walks outside, waits a moment, and then comes back inside. The bartender sits at the bar and says to the bar, "You should take that pin off. The Democrats are destroying our country with their liberal agenda."
"Sorry," the man says, "but we don't serve Republicans here."
-
+ DD. Awesome.
-
King Arthur was getting ready to go on a Quest. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful and said to come back in a week and he'd see if he could come up with something.
A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. "This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed, "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?"
"Ah, sire, just observe." said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.
"Merlin, you are a genius!" said the greatful monarch, "Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected." After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest.
Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection. Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.
"Sir Galahad", exclaimed King Arthur, "The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!"
But Sir Galahad was speechless.
-
It took me a second to get the punch line, but :emb: +
-
One more evil thing to despise in our western infidel culture:
(http://i3.tinypic.com/4998xaw.gif)
-
One more evil thing to despise in our western infidel culture:
(http://i3.tinypic.com/4998xaw.gif)
{begin bad Homer Simpson imitation}
hhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmm, bacooooooooon, goooooooooooood :drool:
{end bad Homer simpson imitation}
-
But good ol' Gallahead was trying to do her a favor!
OK, here's one my professor told today.
How does a crazy person find his way through the woods?
He takes the psycho-path.
-
OK, True story here.
I was taking the train from Angels Stadium to Lompoc (Surf station) We stop in L.A. and this guy gets on and sits next to me. He's in his late teens/early twenties. He puls out a Gameboy and is soon focused on his game and oblivious to what's going on around him. We pull out of L.A. Station about 5:00 PM and the sun is still a couple of hours from setting. We come up to the Chatsworth tunnel between San Fernando and Simi Valleys. This tunnel is somewhat long (takes about 5 min to go through) and it's pitch black (except the interior light in the train). This guy finnaly notices that it has gotten dark.
He looks at me and says: "WOW is it night already dude??"
I turn to him and say:"No, Gov. Schwarzenneger forgot to pay the Sun bill so they turned it off"
Well?? was that a good one liner or not???
-
+ :green:
-
(http://www.tmcm.com/comics/tmcm070108.gif)
-
+ good one :laugh:
-
Another damn post that got stuck at the bottom of the page....
OK, True story here.
I was taking the train from Angels Stadium to Lompoc (Surf station) We stop in L.A. and this guy gets on and sits next to me. He's in his late teens/early twenties. He puls out a Gameboy and is soon focused on his game and oblivious to what's going on around him. We pull out of L.A. Station about 5:00 PM and the sun is still a couple of hours from setting. We come up to the Chatsworth tunnel between San Fernando and Simi Valleys. This tunnel is somewhat long (takes about 5 min to go through) and it's pitch black (except the interior light in the train). This guy finnaly notices that it has gotten dark.
He looks at me and says: "WOW is it night already dude??"
I turn to him and say:"No, Gov. Schwarzenneger forgot to pay the Sun bill so they turned it off"
Well?? was that a good one liner or not???
-
Just cos it was stuck on the bottom of the page it doesn't mean that people haven't/won't read it-or is this just a sneaky attempt to post whore? :laugh:
-
i was complaining to my wife that it has been months since i had gotten any.
she says, "but we had sex right before the baby was born. remember when we were trying to get him out?"
i said, "yeah, but i didn't cum so it doesn't count."
she responds, " even though i have three kids, i must be a virgin."
-
she responds, " even though i have three kids, i must be a virgin."
Pwned, like, totally.
:LMAO:
-
Just cos it was stuck on the bottom of the page it doesn't mean that people haven't/won't read it-or is this just a sneaky attempt to post whore? :laugh:
Damn!!! you figured me out!! >:D :evillaugh:
-
http://youtube.com/watch?v=BcFBbsApsv4 (http://youtube.com/watch?v=BcFBbsApsv4)
It starts slow...but damn this is funny! XD
-
This article on sanity (http://editthis.info/illogicopedia/Sanity) did it for me, though I don't know if anyone else here has that kind of humor.
-
Two guys, honoring a pact, go into a vasectomy clinic together. The nurse tells them to fill out several forms, then takes them into a back room, where she tells them to strip. While they are undressing she studies the first guy's forms, then his friend's. When they are both naked, she tells the first guy to get up on the table, lie back, and relax. She carefully examines his cock and balls, complimenting him on the thoroughness of the shave he did at home.
Then, to the astonishment of both guys, she pours some oil into her hands and begins jerking him off. Although the oil is pretty cold, the guy quickly rises to the occasion. Still, he is surprised (he hadn't read about this at alt.support.vasectomy!), and, between moans, asks the nurse, why the handjob? The nurse, without missing a stroke, explains that the treatment is a standard part of the pre-vasectomy preparation, as the tubes are easier to cut if they have been recently cleared.
After a few more seconds of pretty brisk pumping, the guy splatters all over his belly, and the nurse declares him ready for the knife, wiping her hands on a tissue, and tossing the tissue into the trash. Then she tells the second guy to take his friend's place. The second guy, who is already hard from watching what the nurse did to his friend, quickly lifts himself onto the table.
He lies back and closes his eyes. But things are even better than he expected. Instead of a handjob, he gets a long, slow blowjob, the best of his life! When it is finally over, and he is lying exhausted and sweaty on the table, his friend can't help complaining: "How come all I got was cold oil and a handjob, and he gets the best blowjob of his life?" "That," explains the nurse, as she dabs daintily at the corners of her mouth, "is the difference between private care and the National Health Service!"
-
We all remember what it was like in high school. Most of us were not really thought of as being very cool, but we have learned many skills since then and made great progress in our lives. It's time to find out how successful you have been at becoming cool. Open this link and follow the instructions, exactly, to see how cool you are, now.
COOL PERSON TEST (http://www.elks590.org/main/cooltest.htm)
8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
-
We all remember what it was like in high school. Most of us were not really thought of as being very cool, but we have learned many skills since then and made great progress in our lives. It's time to find out how successful you have been at becoming cool. Open this link and follow the instructions, exactly, to see how cool you are, now.
COOL PERSON TEST (http://www.elks590.org/main/cooltest.htm)
8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
I got, "Nope, you're still a dork." ;)
-
I got "Wow, you're the coolest person on earth!"
-
Really? I wish I was cool :(
-
Really? I wish I was cool :(
Yeah, me, too. That mean old test doesn't even let me have much of a chance, because I'm so uncool. I know I can be cooler than this.
-
I was wondering if the answer depends on your comp settings, so I tried it on both my XP and OSX machines, and got the same 'you're a dork' result.
-
I went back and clicked it again. Now it says "People don't get your sarcasm, so you've made yourself into a liar. HAve a nice day."
:P
-
I went back and clicked it again. Now it says "People don't get your sarcasm, so you've made yourself into a liar. HAve a nice day."
:P
I kept taking the test to see if I could ever get a different result because of you.
:LMAO:
+
-
I went back and clicked it again. Now it says "People don't get your sarcasm, so you've made yourself into a liar. HAve a nice day."
:P
Oh, I got it, but I couldn't very welll bust you until you had a few trophies in the bag.
:laugh:
I+you
-
I, too, was onto AspieKitty's joke. I actually had a look at the site's source code, which is as simple as I thought it was :)
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/teapot.gif)
What is the first thing you think after reading that?
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/part1.gif)
And
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/part2.gif)
I am having trouble preventing myself from cracking up every couple of minutes.
-
What is the first thing you think after reading that?
I wonder if a certain friend of mine would get pissed at me if I sent it to her.
-
What is the first thing you think after reading that?
I think several things. "I like that quote."
"Richard Dawkins"
"The Beer Garden"
-
Every time I think I've seen the limit of stupidity, I find something else... http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/01/24/germs.sponges.reut/index.html (http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/01/24/germs.sponges.reut/index.html)
enjoy.
-
WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Reports about a study that found microwave ovens can be used to sterilize kitchen sponges sent people hurrying to test the idea this week -- with sometimes disastrous results.
A team at the University of Florida found that two minutes in the microwave at full power could kill a range of bacteria, viruses and parasites on kitchen sponges.
They described how they soaked the sponges in wastewater and then zapped them. (Microwave zaps germs on sponges.)
But several experimenters evidently left out the crucial step of wetting the sponge.
"Just wanted you to know that your article on microwaving sponges and scrubbers aroused my interest. However, when I put my sponge/scrubber into the microwave, it caught fire, smoked up the house, ruined my microwave, and pissed me off," one correspondent wrote in an e-mail to Reuters....
:LMAO:
+
-
The thing that really topped the whole thing off for me was the last line in the advisory the university sent out: "Last, people should be careful when removing the sponge from the microwave as it will be hot." :laugh:
-
It makes you wonder how people manage to get themselves dressed and arrive safely at work most mornings without doing something utterly retarded. :laugh:
-
:laugh:
-
"Just wanted you to know that your article on microwaving sponges and scrubbers aroused my interest. However, when I put my sponge/scrubber into the microwave, it caught fire, smoked up the house, ruined my microwave, and pissed me off," one correspondent wrote in an e-mail to Reuters.
It made me wonder if the person who complained was actually standing there watching the dry sponge catch fire and burn, but was too dumb to stop the microwave and put out the fire. I have microwaved some unusual things before, but I was smart enough to wet them first if it was appropriate to do so and also to watch them carefully.
-
I once microwaved a pair of just cleaned underwear... It ruined the elastic
heh
-
First thing I thought was, "That teapot is not between Earth and Mars."
-
First thing I thought was, "That teapot is not between Earth and Mars."
First thought I had is 'I'm not scrolling back and forth so I can read that thing' :laugh:
-
What is the first thing you think after reading that?
In this world, would "I'm a little teapot" be an ancient hymn?
-
.
-
So thats how they buried Evel Kneivel!
-
Reincarnation of Steve Irwin.
-
A picture of horridly burned hands was posted at work today. Apparently, someone used Purelltm hand sanitizer (which have just been placed by entrance doors here at work) and then stepped straight outside to smoke. This stuff is like Napalmtm when ignited! The burns were very severe.
-
DB- I laughed, then felt ashamed. I + you but I deserve to be -ed.
-
I just realized I forgot to post this one here!
Q. What's the latest released version of the multiaxial manual of kinky sex practices?
A. BDSM-IV-TR
-
DB- I laughed, then felt ashamed. I + you but I deserve to be -ed.
:spank:
I didn't even realize that I posted it in the "make someone laugh" thread! Now its even more funny ..... :rofl:
I was thinking about burning sponges!
P.s. U can use purell to start campfires when camping.
Did the attachment come through?
-
Research on bread indicates that:
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
-
NOPE! YOU`RE STILL A DORK! *TEST COMPLETED*:
-
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Bradford (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Bradford)
Well, I thought it was funny...
-
For anyone who wonders why I have such a filthy mind, here's what I grew up watching:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUzxdulMGN4 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUzxdulMGN4) :o
please note this episode didn't really air till I was grown up it was made as a joke for just the crew but I'm still using it as a defence
-
:laugh:
-
http://qdb.us/leetness
-
Yays, weebl has a new viral toon out! :party:
CLICKY (http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/mango)
-
http://atom.smasher.org/error/gallery/
Hilarious.
-
.
-
.
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/sl050.gif)
-
let's move this thread to the top.
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/curves.gif)
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/curves.gif)
LMAOROTF!!! :LMAO: :rofl:
-
(http://img.thedailywtf.com/images/200701/pup2/notnice.gif)
From http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/Chocolate_Covered_SQL.aspx
-
Linux Genuine Advantage (http://www.linuxgenuineadvantage.org/).
-
2008 Democratic National Convention Schedule (tentative)
7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning
7:15 P.M. Pledge of Allegiance to the United Nations
7:30 PM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship: Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton
8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:05 P.M Ceremonial tree hugging
8:15-8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding: Barney Frank, presiding
8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally: Cindy Sheehan, Susan Sarandon
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech: "The Proper Etiquette for Surrender", French President Jacques Chirac
9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay: Sean Penn
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military: A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton
9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
9:50 P.M. Dan Rather receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award, presented by Michael Moore
9:55 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
10:00 P.M. Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers ", by Howard Dean
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton for President by Mahmud Ahnadinejad
11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet
11:15 P.M. "Our Troops are War Criminals", presented by John Kerry
11:30 P.M Coronation of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton
12:00 AM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:05 A.M Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home
-
:LMAO:
+
-
(http://img.thedailywtf.com/images/200701/pup2/notnice.gif)
From http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/Chocolate_Covered_SQL.aspx
:LMAO:
-
12:05 A.M Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure? :P
:LMAO: +
-
12:05 A.M Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure? :P
:LMAO: +
There is a Senator named Ted Kennedy, who in 1969 drove a young woman named Mary Jo Kopechne, who was a worker in his or his brother's campaign, home from a party at Martha's Vineyard. He was drunk and drove the car off a bridge at Chappaquiddick, the car went into the water, Ted Kennedy got out and left Mary Jo Kopechne to drown.
-
12:05 A.M Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure? :P
:LMAO: +
There is a Senator named Ted Kennedy, who in 1969 drove a young woman named Mary Jo Kopechne, who was a worker in his or his brother's campaign, home from a party at Martha's Vineyard. He was drunk and drove the car off a bridge at Chappaquiddick, the car went into the water, Ted Kennedy got out and left Mary Jo Kopechne to drown.
... and what happens to well connected, rich politicians who commit horrible crimes like this? How do we punish their heinous behavior?
They get re-elected to Congress year after year!
-
12:05 A.M Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure? :P
:LMAO: +
There is a Senator named Ted Kennedy, who in 1969 drove a young woman named Mary Jo Kopechne, who was a worker in his or his brother's campaign, home from a party at Martha's Vineyard. He was drunk and drove the car off a bridge at Chappaquiddick, the car went into the water, Ted Kennedy got out and left Mary Jo Kopechne to drown.
... and what happens to well connected, rich politicians who commit horrible crimes like this? How do we punish their heinous behavior?
They get re-elected to Congress year after year!
Can you picture anything more hideous than having to serve in Congress! I sure as hell couldn't do it!
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12:05 A.M Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure? :P
:LMAO: +
There is a Senator named Ted Kennedy, who in 1969 drove a young woman named Mary Jo Kopechne, who was a worker in his or his brother's campaign, home from a party at Martha's Vineyard. He was drunk and drove the car off a bridge at Chappaquiddick, the car went into the water, Ted Kennedy got out and left Mary Jo Kopechne to drown.
Oh, I know that, Callaway. Which is why the movie title "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" felt as an obvious choice for me. :green:
-
12:05 A.M Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure? :P
:LMAO: +
There is a Senator named Ted Kennedy, who in 1969 drove a young woman named Mary Jo Kopechne, who was a worker in his or his brother's campaign, home from a party at Martha's Vineyard. He was drunk and drove the car off a bridge at Chappaquiddick, the car went into the water, Ted Kennedy got out and left Mary Jo Kopechne to drown.
Oh, I know that, Callaway. Which is why the movie title "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" felt as an obvious choice for me. :green:
I thought it was hilarious. Not sure if I +ed you or not. I probably owed you one anyway.
-
GUIDE TO TRANSLATING "PERSONAL" ADVERTISEMENTS
Independent Thinker . . . . . . . Crazy.
High-Spirited . . . . . . . . . Crazy, hyperactive, and throws things.
Free-Spirited . . . . . . . . . Crazy and irresponsible.
Ample . . . . . . . . . . . . . Large.
Huggable . . . . . . . . . . . . Large.
Curvy build . . . . . . . . . . . . . REALLY Large.
Cuddly and Happy . . . . . . . . . Large and loudmouthed too
Slender . . . . . . . . . . . . Skinny.
Svelte . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anorexic.
Petite (I am). . . . . . . . . . Short.
Petite (you are) . . . . . . . . Size 10.
Dynamic . . . . . . . . . . . . Pushy.
Assertive . . . . . . . . . . . Pushy with a mean streak.
Excited About Life's Journey . . No concept of reality.
Moody . . . . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive.
Unpredictable . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and off medication.
Soulful . . . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and quiet.
Poetic . . . . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and boring.
Looking for Mr/Mrs Right. . . . . Looking for Mr/Mrs Rich.
Very Human . . . . . . . . . . . Quasimodo.
Uninhibited . . . . . . . . . . Lacking basic social skills.
Irreverent . . . . . . . . . . . Mean and lacking basic social skills.
Aging Child . . . . . . . . . . Self-centered adult.
Freedom-loving . . . . . . . . . Un-dependable.
Young at Heart . . . . . . . . . Over 40.
Youthful . . . . . . . . . . . . Over 50 and in major denial.
Chatty . . . . . . . . . . . . . Never shuts up.
Humorous . . . . . . . . . . . . Watches too much TV and never shuts up.
Financially secure (I am). . . . Has a job.
Financially secure (you are) . . Rich.
Affectionate . . . . . . . . . . Horny.
Romantic . . . . . . . . . . . . Horny.
Passionate . . . . . . . . . . . REALLY horny.
-
:LMAO: +
-
Cat herding video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTdqqJI02HE)
-
it's peaguy on the weakest link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4V-Fs4s1TcI
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Cat herding video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTdqqJI02HE)
I didn't click it, but I know what it is, so :laugh: anyway.
-
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- They don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend.....but she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever......so far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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+ :laugh:
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GUIDE TO TRANSLATING "PERSONAL" ADVERTISEMENTS
:laugh:
... but you left a few of them out.
I+You
Steven Wright has always been one of my favorites!
I've seen him do stand up, twice - ages ago, and I was immediately aware that he was way too weird, but now that I know a little more, I wonder if he's autistic.
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Here is one.
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One more.
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A wonderful link to send people on valentine's day:
http://www.fat-pie.com/love.htm
(it's not quite how it appears at first)
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And here is Uncyclopedia's arcticle on Intelligent Design (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Intelligent_Design).
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And here is Uncyclopedia's arcticle on Intelligent Design (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Intelligent_Design).
That is absolutely hilarious.
+
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(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/158/384094703_3741199ae6_o.jpg)
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(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/158/384094703_3741199ae6_o.jpg)
:LMAO:
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(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/158/384094703_3741199ae6_o.jpg)
So that is why He lives in New York state. :evillaugh:
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Why it's better to be a Woman!
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her ass.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorise football leagues to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
30. We have enough sense to realise that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
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Embarrassing Medical Exams
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
5.. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see thenjelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!................
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name (Can't blame him!)
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(http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o5/erickbates/Fatwhiteguy.gif)
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Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed & threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian,"I'm fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it invariably does) & Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends & bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark" came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."
Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed ...
"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian!"
-----
The Bungling Brothers Circus was touring Europe with their prize comedy act, a flock of large flightless African birds trained to ride a moving staircase. However, as they unpacked their tents after reaching Warsaw, they found that the birds' tent had been damaged beyond use. They decided to rent a replacement locally, but found when they went to make a deal for the rental that a language barrier was making it impossible to close the deal. So they did the logical thing...
They sent for a Pole lease negotiator to cover an escalating ostrich situation!
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police negatiator for a hostage situation?
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police negatiator for a hostage situation?
actlyex.
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police negatiator for a hostage situation?
actlyex.
what do i win?
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Brass screw for a belly button (http://editthis.info/illogicopedia/Brass_screw_for_a_belly_button)
The doctor said to the mother of a newly born son, "I don't really know how to tell you this, but your son has a brass screw instead of a belly button."
"You're kidding!" the mother replied, aghast by the news.
"No," stated the doctor, "I'm not. I'm ever so sorry."
For years the boy with a brass screw in his belly button searched for an answer to his ailment, seeking medical help whenever he could. Until one day, a doctor gave him hope. This doctor told him he didn't know what to do, but that he knew a witchdoctor who would.
The boy, who was now a man by this time, flew straight out to speak with the witchdoctor. Upon arrival, the witchdoctor examined the man, and then said that he should lie, nude, on the top of Table Mountain on a full moon.
The man climbed to the top of the mountain, and laid down naked in the snow. Then a beam of light projected from the moon and hit the screw, and the screw started undoing. The screw got about half a foot long and then fell out sideways into the snow. The man stood up, rejoiced, and then his bum fell off.
-
that was awful
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I think that was part of the point, as with many of the relatively coherent things written there.
-
Did the brass screw thing actually make sense, or was it just a nonsensical anecdote?
police negatiator for a hostage situation?
actlyex.
what do i win?
You are now allowed to punch Dr. Phil in the face while wearing brass knuckles, if you see him. before, the brass knucles had to be silver or gold.
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i have never hit anybody in the face before, in my life.
is it fun?
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i have never hit anybody in the face before, in my life.
is it fun?
If it was Dr. Phil, and I was wearing brass knuckles, and I didn't get caught, I might find it pretty fun.
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I was forced to plus you for the prawn one. it was so bad it was good.
i have never hit anybody in the face before, in my life.
is it fun?
depends who you're hitting. >:D
I find it hard to believe you've got to 37, as a delinquent and a docker, without having to lamp anyone. You're either really fucking mellow, or you've led a charmed life mate.
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I was forced to plus you for the prawn one. it was so bad it was good.
i have never hit anybody in the face before, in my life.
is it fun?
depends who you're hitting. >:D
I find it hard to believe you've got to 37, as a delinquent and a docker, without having to lamp anyone. You're either really fucking mellow, or you've led a charmed life mate.
actually i have a hard time taking peoples shit.
maybe its the rabid look in my eyes that turns people away. seriously, i should have been clocked several times i am sure.
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Guess which kid gets in trouble ...
(http://i13.tinypic.com/3zal7r9.jpg)
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the tall girl in the back. yellow shirt?
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the tall girl in the back. yellow shirt?
That's my guess too.
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Too obvious, I say, boy in front row, red shirt...
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the tall girl in the back. yellow shirt?
Are we choosing the autie? Is it her or the other one with her head down, smaller than the rest, probably doesn't eat well and when she does eat the prescribed foods, they fight her? She's not just closing her eyes, she's hiding them.
8)
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Too obvious, I say, boy in front row, red shirt...
I concur, though I hope he has no idea what he's actually doing.
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Too obvious, I say, boy in front row, red shirt...
the kid with the glasses.
i don't get it. it looks like he was adjusting his glasses on his nose and as he was pulling his hand away they snapped the photo.
i mean, he doesn't have a guilty look on his face. ;)
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Its the boy in the yellow shirt in the front row, he looks like butter wouldn't melt but he just left a skinned kitten on the teacher's desk.
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Too obvious, I say, boy in front row, red shirt...
the kid with the glasses.
i don't get it. it looks like he was adjusting his glasses on his nose and as he was pulling his hand away they snapped the photo.
i mean, he doesn't have a guilty look on his face. ;)
+ for awesome lyingness.
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:LMAO:
Too obvious, I say, boy in front row, red shirt...
the kid with the glasses.
i don't get it. it looks like he was adjusting his glasses on his nose and as he was pulling his hand away they snapped the photo.
i mean, he doesn't have a guilty look on his face. ;)
:rofl:
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This is not a joke, but I had to laugh, anyway. Be sure to watch the video demo of this elegant item. I guess when your fish die you don't have to go far to dispose of them.
Fish 'n Flush (http://www.fishnflush.com/fnf-video.html)
*jaw jutting forward, like Brando's "The Godfather" *
I shit with the fishes.
(Don't some fish species have really sensitive tympanic membranes? This thing must be a nightmare for them.)
-
.
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Never saw that coming! :o :laugh:
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I was a little disheartened when it said I should spit.
I'm not a cocksucker, but if I was, then in an effort to do a really good job, I would swallow.
:laugh:
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I was a little disheartened when it said I should spit.
I'm not a cocksucker, but if I was, then in an effort to do a really good job, I would swallow.
:laugh:
I'm with Dirtdawg I thought the spitting was a terrible suggestion >:D
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To the front page!
-
I like this for a bump:
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt."
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants... you might have gotten disability."
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:laugh:
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To my darling husband,
Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.
I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.
I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife.
P.S. Your girlfriend called.
(http://i12.tinypic.com/30n896a.jpg)
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:LMAO:
-
Do i look fat in this?
Man Answer: no.
Man Meaning: i dont care.
or
Man Answer: Yes.
Man Meaning: never ask me that question again.
Do you find her attractive?
Man Answer: of course not.
Man Meaning: yes, but i like my testicles attached to my body...
Why dont you find her attractive. i think she's better looking that me. dont you?
Man Answer: no. i like comley women... that is... er...
Man Meaning: i think she's fantastic, but she wont sleep with me, she's too fit... that is to say you will and thats why i love you... oh shit, i'm dead now arent i?
Shall we go to my mothers this weekend?
Man Answer: Sorry love, the car's playing up/i'm dying/i'm dead.
Man Meaning: the footy's on, and she's a cow.
-
These are charting mistakes published in a nursing magazine;
"The patient had had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."
Patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.
Patient refused autopsy.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
I'll be happy to go into her gastrointestinal system; she seems ready and anxious.
Patient was admitted through the emergency department. I examined her on the floor.
By the time she was admitted to the hospital, her rapid heart had stopped and she was feeling much better.
While in the emergency department, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room.
Rectal examination revealed a normal sized thyroid.
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989, when she got a divorce.
Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
Patient was to have a bowel resection. However he tooka job as a stockborker instead.
Patient complains of indigestion since last night when he ate a stake.
Patient was in his usual state of good health until his plane ran out of gas and crashed.
Examination reveals a well developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
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More charting errors:
Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized.
Indwelling urinary catheter draining clear yellow roses.
Examination of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
Indwelling urinary catheter draining large amount of urine the color of American beer.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accomodation. (This is actually an eye exam, but somebody was obviously focussed on something else.)
The test indicates abnormal lover function.
Discharge status: alive, but without permission.
Because she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you'd like to work her up.
I saw your patient today, who is under our car for physical therapy.
The baby was delivered; the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
She is numb from her toes down.
Healthy appearing, decrepit 69-year old female, mentally alert, but forgetful.
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Discharge status: alive, but without permission.
This one was particularly amusing. ;D
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Shakespearean insult generator:
http://www.webweaving.org/
+ ozy.
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Medical terminology for politicians! ::) :-*
Artery....Study of paintings
Bacteria...Back door to the cafeteria
Barium....What doctors do when patients die
Bowel....A letter a, e, i, o, u,
Caeserean Section..A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan...........searching for kitty
Cauterize......made contact with her
Colic...a sheepdog
Coma.....a punctuation mark
D and C......Where Washington is
Dilate....to live long
Enema.....not a friend
Fester.....an uncle in the Addams family
Fibula........it's a small lie
Genital.......not a jew
G.I. Series.....soldiers baseball playoffs
Hangnail.......a coat hook
Impotent.....Distinguished well known
Labor Pain......getting hurt at work
Medical Staff......a doctors cane
Morbid.......a higher offer
Nitrates.......cheaper than day rates
Node........was aware of
Outpatient......a patient who has fainted
pap smear....a fatherhood test
Pelvis......a cousin of Elvis
Post-operative.......is a letter carrier
Recovery Room.........a place to do upholstery
Rectum...........Dang near killed him
Secretion.......hiding something
Seizure......a roman emperor
Tablet....a small table
Terminal Illness......vomiting at the airport
Tumor......more than one
Urine.....opposite of "You're out"
Varicose...is nearby
Vein....is conceited
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What is d and c actually, Oz?
-
What is d and c actually, Oz?
It stands for Dilation and Curettage.
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:LMAO: Ozy, that is hilarious.
-
Shakespearean insult generator:
http://www.webweaving.org/
+ ozy.
Thou roguish pottle-deep moldwarp!
I think this is hilarious. I have posted it, or another one like it, on several sites and no one ever notices it. I think they are missing out on a lot of fun.
O illiterate loiterers! ... the lot of them!
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What is d and c actually, Oz?
Google "D & C" and then look at the first item. Simply put it is a medical surgical procedure to collect tissue samples from the Uterus. Remove an embedded IUD, part of an abortion procedure, etc. Dilation is to expand the vagina to allow the instruments access to the Uterus to perform the procedure, the "Curettage".
-
:rofl:
Ozy +
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Satan's little cotton fingers (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0999/cotton.html)
I realise the site is a spoof but its still funny. A quote from this article:
"The young woman was trying to buy tampons," Mrs. Crockett said, barely able to hold back tears. "I snatched that girl by the hair and pulled her outside... there were children present! Can you imagine how they'd be damaged by hearing such evil ideas?"
“I explained to this young lady that we do not carry such phallic devices as tampons and when attending to her monthly curse," Mrs. Martin said, adding that "Satan himself controls the manufacturing of those things." The young woman then began to verbally abuse her, she said.
"A Godly woman is only to use a Maxi-Pad," Mrs. Crockett stated. "Why, they even have them with little angel wings now! I handed her a box and told her unless she wanted my handprint across her face she was never to utter that evil T word again!â€
-
All church members are encouraged to join in the BBQ and bring a covered dish as we celebrate yet another Victory over Satan. Marshmallows for roasting over the bonfire will be provided by The Ladies of Landover. Due to the nature of this event, the roasting of hot dogs will be prohibited for obvious reasons.
:LMAO:
-
All church members are encouraged to join in the BBQ and bring a covered dish as we celebrate yet another Victory over Satan. Marshmallows for roasting over the bonfire will be provided by The Ladies of Landover. Due to the nature of this event, the roasting of hot dogs will be prohibited for obvious reasons.
:LMAO:
That sort of reminds me of the double entendre from the Simpsons, when Ned Flanders and his wife addressed his aversion to "Foot longs" as in Hot Dogs!
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/cookie2.gif)
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/cookie2.gif)
that is cute.
-
(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/141/396745021_48a890499b_o.gif)
-
.
-
Humor from my nursing days......... ::)
"It has come to our attention from several emerency rooms that many EMS (staff) rarratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.
1) Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).
2) Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP (Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe psychological care patients.
3) Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper". Similarly,
descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome".
4) HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms".
5) Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted".
6) Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants".
7) The homelsss are not "urban outdoorsmen", nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as "PVC Challenge".
And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up, ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).
I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives and log entries.
Questions will be directed to the author. If you can find me to wake me up!"
-
I love the slang of various professions and crafts. They always come up with clever shit.
-
Ozy- OMGWTFROFLLMAO+
-
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table.
A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."
With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled,
"Come on, baby.... Southern Girl needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down... and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers... and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."
Moral ---
Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But, all men..... are men.
-
Knob-headed Jock has made me laugh with his brief return. Nuff said.
-
So, I am now in possession of a Mitsubishi Mirage (96 or 97, I forget which). My old car, a 1993 dodge spirit, has been excorcized. My dad drove it back from my house in Massachusetts to his home in Rhode Island last night. I saw him today and (after driving the old car on the highways) said, "I'm sorry." :laugh: He didn't realize how crappily it drove.
So anyway, I called the old car the OCD- the obsessive-compulsive dodge. My new car's name?
Well, it's a Mitsubishi (once called diamond star motors), it's my fourth car, and it's what I use to ride in- it's "the ride."
So:
DSM-IV-TR
:green:
-
:laugh:
-
:laugh: +
-
DSM-IV-TR
:green:
:laugh:
Good one and good luck with the "Itchybitchy". A neighbor has a "larger" Itchybitchy sedan (don't know the model) with over two hundred thousand miles on it and he still loves it.
-
Very funny list of things to say when you are caught sleeping at work.
1. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.
2. This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time-management course you sent me to.
3. Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time.
4. I wasn't sleeping, I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.
5. I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.
6. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminating toward people who practice Yoga?"
7. [url]XXX://Kinky.software-download.110mb.com/direct-download.html[/url bollocks] Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
8. The coffee machine is broken.
9. Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot.
10. It worked for Reagan, didn't it?
11. My Physician has recommended to me that I take a nap each day in order for me to be more productive at work
12. I had a long night on Intensity, trying to figure out which drugs to take next.
-
7. [url]XXX://Kinky.software-download.110mb.com/direct-download.html[/url bollocks]
???
-
7. [url]XXX://Kinky.software-download.110mb.com/direct-download.html[/url bollocks]
???
Peter, look at it! It's fake, you aspie.
Some people lie for fun.
-
Pete, :asthing:
-
Pete, :asthing:
:woohoo:
Grease it up, Peter.
-
I keep finding myself behind one of this firm's (http://www.emmottsprings.co.uk) vans lately, and it usually makes me snigger. :evillaugh:
(http://www.emmottsprings.co.uk/assets/images/emo.gif)
-
I keep finding myself behind one of this firm's (http://www.emmottsprings.co.uk) vans lately, and it usually makes me snigger. :evillaugh:
(http://www.emmottsprings.co.uk/assets/images/emo.gif)
Do you, yet, doubt destiny?
Console yourself with the fact that you have not smashed into the rearend of one of those vans.
:laugh:
-
http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp08312004.shtml
There is a T shirt, but the graphical instructions are better in the comic, i think.
-
The Hormone Guide
Women will understand this and the men should memorize it!
Every woman knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!
DANGEROUS What's for dinner?
BETTER Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST Where would you like to go for dinner?
BEST Here, have some wine.
DANGEROUS Are you wearing that?
BETTER Wow, you sure look good in brown!
SAFEST WOW! Look at you!
BEST Here, have some wine
DANGEROUS What are you so worked up about?
BETTER Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST Here's my paycheck.
BEST Here, have some wine.
DANGEROUS Should you be eating that?
BETTER You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
BEST Here, have some wine.
DANGEROUS What did you DO all day?
BETTER I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST I've always loved you in that robe!
BEST Here, have some wine .
13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
and my favoUrite one.
13. Potential Murder Suspect
And remember: Money talks .... but Chocolate SINGS
-
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/330044/champagne_da_la_all/
Life is short. :o
-
.
-
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/381527/stupid_woman_driver/
Need I say more. :LMAO:
-
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/385463/very_funny/
Sports bloopers. :laugh:
-
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning
submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are
asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have
gained.
3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you
are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief
that, when you die, your Soul flies up on the roof and gets stuck
there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn
by Jewish men.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
:LMAO:
+
-
:LMAO:
+
So how are You laughing at.
-
The latest thing is Ozymandias' list.
-
.
-
:laugh: +1 to Ozy and Peter.
-
Oompa Loompa Airlines
(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/178/407887386_072a025447_o.jpg)
-
+ for making me laugh and then immediately feel bad.
-
Missouri Horseshoes: (or choose your favorite ethnicity to insult)
(http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t133/9anda1f/Mini_Redneck20Horseshoes.jpg)
-
It took me a minute to figure out waht was going on there.
-
Missouri Horseshoes: (or choose your favorite ethnicity to insult)
(http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t133/9anda1f/Mini_Redneck20Horseshoes.jpg)
Texas Horseshoes. (EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas. Texas is like a whole other country.)
Aren't you from Texas, DirtDawg?
:laugh:
-
Missouri Horseshoes: (or choose your favorite ethnicity to insult)
(http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t133/9anda1f/Mini_Redneck20Horseshoes.jpg)
Texas Horseshoes. (EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas. Texas is like a whole other country.)
Aren't you from Texas, DirtDawg?
:laugh:
What's wrong? Are you from Missouri?
Yes, I was raised in Texas, but we take the game of horseshoes very seriously, down there, most of the time.
-
I am not from there originally, but I lived in Saint Louis for several years and my daughter was born there. I'm an Alabama girl.
Don't you remember the saying that everything is bigger in Texas? Those toilet seats look like shoes from really big horses to me.
:green:
-
Don't you remember the saying that everything is bigger in Texas?
:green:
No. How does it go?
-
Don't you remember the saying that everything is bigger in Texas?
:green:
No. How does it go?
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.
When he arrived on the plane,he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"
The person next to him answered,"Everything is big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar.
Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"
The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally went past the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting...
"Don't flush Don't flush!"
-
Thagomizer is to blame for my being aware of this:
http://censoredporn.ytmnsfw.com/?56b9407c9559f2e921e7a1ef205e3263
-
http://www.kvraudio.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=170324
-
http://www.kvraudio.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=170324
I'm not quite geeky enough to get that one, but this one on the same thread cracked me up: :laugh:
(http://elliottback.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/sandwich.png)
-
http://www.kvraudio.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=170324
I'm not quite geeky enough to get that one, but this one on the same thread cracked me up: :laugh:
(http://elliottback.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/sandwich.png)
I don't get that one.
-
Having read that comic before, and a fan of the XKCD comic from which it came, I was confused about it too.. I only just got it today...
'SUDO' is a code in a coding language (not sure which) that basically tells the program what to do. "SU DO" the SU means something but I can not remember what...
Though..I could be completely wrong.
-
Actually, sudo is an instruction for executing something as another user. If you use Linux, it's commonly used to gain root access for commands that require it.
-
Sounds like Hebrew or Chinese to me. ???
-
Actually, sudo is an instruction for executing something as another user. If you use Linux, it's commonly used to gain root access for commands that require it.
That makes it even funnier to me. I had intuit'ed something along the lines of GA's exlpanation from the context, but to access the roots of a command is next to godliness.
-
Ah yes that's right. Linux! I recently installed Ubuntu on my PC so I should've realised that..But then that's the first Linux based Operating System I've ever used, and I rarely boot it up :P
-
lol yeah, its a *nix joke - su = superuser, i.e. root. so sudo is the instruction used to get root permissions to execute a system command. ;)
-
And a good joke it was, too! :laugh:
-
Nerds! ;)
-
Nerds! ;)
Thanks.
-
You're welcome! ;D
-
Due to extensive research done by the Fourchon University of Science, diamond has been confirmed as the the hardest metal known the man. The research is as follows.
Pocket-protected scientists built a wall of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed.
They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an out into the wall, and the wall came out fine.
They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors.
They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond traveling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours.
They rammed a wall of metal into a 400 mile per hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted the earth's orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards midwestern Prussia at 400 billion miles per hour.
They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused two wayward airplanes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with two buildings in downtown New York.
They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive.
Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall traveling at miles, and the result proved without a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known the man.
-
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America , Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE"
3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
5 . She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"
-
The vi Assistant: (posted by someone on a programming-related forum)
http://www.allegro.cc/forums/thread/590400
-
lol. I hate vi but that was funny... 'resistance is futile' :laugh:
-
http://www.soundboard.com/sb/westmar.aspx
Out-of-context soundboard from Dateline NBC. It's really perverted. Major karma to anyone who uses this in a prank phone call.
-
http://www.allegro.cc/forums/thread/590351
Another thread from a certain programming forum I frequent(ly lurk, mostly). Not all of the things posted in that thread are funny, but plenty are. To me, at least.
-
http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnsfw.com/
I was lolling.
-
Bird Flu Sweeps The Trailer Park
(http://i16.tinypic.com/29zugi8.jpg)
-
+ DD. Literally lolling.
-
You just never know about rednecks ... Here's a pic of redneck dogs, a redneck doorbell and a redneck gas grille.
-
Seems like that guy with the gas grill is enjoying himself too much !!! :eyebrows:
-
Subject: Goodbye Mom
You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One!
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year's Eve Party.
We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our
pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived
And we opened the front door to leave the house.
The cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house.
We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat
The bird.
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat.
The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my
wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for
the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon,
"He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said,
As we drove away.
"That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat
hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her
by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from
scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw
her out into the back yard!"
The cab driver hit a parked car.......
-
The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM .
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied,
"I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon."
She looked down at his shoes and said:
"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
But always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
"Not this time!"
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz ," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity."
So, he removed it stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
"I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said, "pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
"How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
"Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied:
"Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied: "The same thing
I'm doing to his business down here."
The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:
"I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted,
"I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work".Â
Â
-
Paddy McGuire's Night Out:
Paddy staggered home very late after an evening with his
drinking buddy, Mick.
He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Bridget.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their
upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught
himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on
his rump.
The bottle of "Jameson" in each back pocket broke and made
the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Paddy sprung up, pulled down his
pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were
cut and bleeding.
He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and
began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He
then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and stumbled his way to
bed.
In the morning,
Paddy woke up with searing pain in both
his head and butt
Bridget sat staring at him from across the room. She said, "Paddy
McGuire, ye were drunk again last night, weren't ye?"
Paddy said, "Why are ye accusin' me of such a thing?"
"Ah, well," Bridget said, "it could be the open front
door; it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs; it could
be the drops of blood trailing through the house; it could be yer
bloodshot eyes; but mostly,
I'm thinkin', it's all those Band-Aids stuck to the hall mirror."
-
A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was
>done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note
>and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled
>clothes : 'USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!'
>
>She got the clean laundry back, and was still
>dissatisfied with the results, so the following week
>she enclosed another note: 'USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!'
>
>The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed,
>and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a
>note from HIM:
>'I USE PLENTY SOAP ON
>PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!'
-
+, especially for making affairs funny.
-
Not really funny, but there are some entertaining driving skills displayed, while driving, I think, a herd of Hyundais.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kv5d2mXy7dY (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kv5d2mXy7dY)
-
How is that funny.
-
How is that funny.
It's snot.
I said it's not really funny, but I also thought it would be a little entertaining to some and I didn't really want to start a thread of stuff that's not really funny.
Did I type that last one too fast?
:laugh:
-
http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnsfw.com/
I was lolling.
i was PMS Elleing
(http://www.weirdspot.com/images/uploads/1oh.jpg)
-
http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnsfw.com/
I was lolling.
Yes, it is funny.
:laugh:
-
An idea my dad and I had awhile back that I decided to illustrate:
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v202/Mullipuff/samnellacomplt.jpg)
-
An idea my dad and I had awhile back that I decided to illustrate:
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v202/Mullipuff/samnellacomplt.jpg)
Cute. If it said, "Seafood twice", I would worry.
-
I don't get it...
-
I don't get it...
I just meant that seeing your food twice would be bad. ... like eating food with a round-trip ticket, it comes back the way it went. :laugh:
-
I meant I didn't get the original joke.
-
Oh.
The sign makes a play on "salmonella".
-
Ah!
Hehe, that's amusing.
-
"Now serving Peter Pan" ???
-
"Now serving Peter Pan" ???
Peter Pan Peanut Butter has been recalled recently in the U. S. because it had salmonella in it.
http://www.fda.gov/bbs/topics/NEWS/2007/NEW01563.html
FDA Warns Consumers Not to Eat Certain Jars of Peter Pan Peanut Butter and Great Value Peanut Butter
Product May be Contaminated With Salmonella
The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is warning consumers not to eat certain jars of Peter Pan peanut butter or Great Value peanut butter due to risk of contamination with Salmonella Tennessee (a bacterium that causes foodborne illness). The affected jars of Peter Pan and Great Value peanut butter have a product code located on the lid of the jar that begins with the number "2111." Both the Peter Pan and Great Value brands are manufactured in a single facility in Georgia by ConAgra. Great Value peanut butter made by other manufacturers is not affected.
If consumers have any of this Peter Pan or Great Value brand peanut butter in their home that has been purchased since May 2006, they should discard it.
Symptoms of foodborne illness caused by Salmonella include fever, diarrhea and abdominal cramps. In persons with poor underlying health or weakened immune systems, Salmonella can invade the bloodstream and cause life-threatening infections. Individuals who have recently eaten Peter Pan and Great Value brand peanut butter beginning with product code 2111 and have experienced any of these symptoms should contact their doctor or health care provider immediately. Any such illnesses should be reported to state or local health authorities.
FDA's warning is based on a just-completed epidemiological study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the states and local health agencies, which links 288 cases of foodborne illness in 39 states to consumption of varying types of Peter Pan peanut butter. This report was provided to FDA on February 13.
The outbreak appears to be ongoing and the first consumer may have become ill in August 2006. The cause of foodborne illnesses can be difficult to identify. As a result of extensive epidemiological testing and recent case control studies, CDC was recently able to identify Peter Pan peanut butter as the likely cause of illness. Great Value brand peanut butter beginning with product code 2111 is manufactured in the same plant as Peter Pan peanut butter and, thus, is believed to be at similar risk of contamination.
ConAgra is recalling all Peter Pan and Great Value peanut butter beginning with product code 2111 that already was distributed. The company also is destroying all affected products in their possession. The company will cease production until the exact cause of contamination can be identified and eliminated. ConAgra will advise consumers to destroy any Peter Pan and Great Value brand peanut butter beginning with product code 2111 in their possession. To assist in this endeavor, FDA has sent investigators to ConAgra's processing plant in Sylvester, Georgia where the products are made to review records, collect product samples and conduct tests for Salmonella Tennessee.
FDA will provide regular updates as more information becomes available.
Consumers who have questions should contact ConAgra at 866-344-6970.
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That's a funny name for peanut butter.
:laugh:
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Never choke in a restaurant down South!
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no.
"Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says, Ya know, I'd heard of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seen nobody do it!"
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In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
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Good ones, Ozymandias.
:LMAO:
+
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I+Ozy.
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Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
BWEH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH....
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FIVE MOST IMPORTANT MEN IN A WOMANS LIFE
1. Doctor: Take it all off
2. Dentist: Open wide
3. Milk-man: Do you want it in the front or back?
4. Interior-decorator: Don't worry, when it's in you will love it
5. Banker: Don't withdraw too soon or you will lose interest
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A little prayer
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hid the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me to always give 100% at work......12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Friday.
And help me to remember.... When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to "BITE ME!".
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+ :rofl:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2EfWYGvJTk
When I youtube it, you know it HAS to be good.
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I was about to ask if that is the guy who does karaoke for the deaf... then the song started.
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(http://www.dark-sanity.com/0101.gif)
Sorry if this was already posted.
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Effects of drugs on spiders. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc)
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>
>Blondes are back!
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a
> >>> drive-in movie?
> >>> They went to see "Closed for the Winter"
> >>>
> >>> Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children?
> >>> She heard that one out of every four children born in the
> >>> world was Chinese.
> >>> Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
> >>> There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on
> >>> the escalators for over four hours.
> >>> A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a
really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a
blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
> >>> So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees
> >>> and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."
> >>> A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked
for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the
left eye while covering the right eye.The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that th eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters. As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.
"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses.""I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart
set on wire frames."
A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a
silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up
and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, "That's ! a thermos . . . it keeps some things hot and some things cold." "Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked. "
coffeee and two popsicles
> >>> Saved the Best for Last!
> >>> This has to be one of the best blonde jokes around. This should make all you technologically challenged people feel GOOD:
> >>> A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife,
Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he
decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.
SUSIE as excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to
her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he
said, "how do you like your new phone?"
Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
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Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly, hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car is impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
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Subject: Southern Grandmas
Lawyers should never ask a Southern Grandma a
question, if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney
called his First Witness, a Grandmotherly, elderly
woman to the stand. He approached her and asked,
"Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Smith.
I've known you since you were a young Boy, and
frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs. You
think you're a big shot, when you haven't the brains
to realize you never will amount to anything more than
a two-bit Paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do,
he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do
you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, Yes I do, I've known Mr.
Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy,
bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build
a normal relationship with anyone, and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not
to mention he cheated on his wife with three different
women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench
and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you
idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the
Electric Chair."
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+ ozy and callaway.
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AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver, and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well, your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are Coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling', and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did theTrick," and I could hardly contain myself.
"BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it."
"CASE DISMISSED."
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While I was watching the play-off games last weekend, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills.
During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle.
She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.
Sometimes it's tough being married to a smartass bitch.
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A unique store opened earlier this year in New York City to sell Husbands to single women.
These instructions are posted at the entrance:
"You may visit this store only once. There are six floors to this store. The value of the potential husband increases each time you go up to the next higher floor. You may choose a husband from any particular floor, or you may decide to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building."
So, a single woman goes to the store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign reads: "Men Who Have Jobs".
She proceeds to the second floor. The sign reads: "Men Who Have Jobs and Love Kids".
She climbs the stairs to read the sign on the third floor: "Men Who Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking."
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going up.
At the fourth floor the sign reads: "Men Who Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Extremely Good Looking and Help With Housework."
Still, she continues up to the fifth floor where the sign reads: "Men Who Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Extremely Good Looking, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak."
While tempted to stay on the fifth floor, she quickly climbs up to the sixth floor and final floor where the sign states: "You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that most women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store."
The owner of the Husband Store recently opened a Wife Store just across the street. It also has six floors.
At the first floor the sign reads “Women Who Love Sex.â€
The second floor sign says “Women Who Love Sex and Have Money.â€
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
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Two redneck teens are walking along the sidewalk and see a dog sitting on the grass bent over in half licking itself. The first redneck says, "Boy, I wish I could do that" to which the second redneck replies, "You better not even try it or that dog might bite you!"
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http://mischeathen.com/heathen/BeavisBushCheney.jpg (http://mischeathen.com/heathen/BeavisBushCheney.jpg)
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easter with richard gere.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrQ36RPPy0k
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easter with richard gere.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrQ36RPPy0k
:bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:
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my son is so fat....
how fat is he?
he is so fat that he has more folds than my daughters origami.
yes, i made that one up.
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Alanis Morisette cover of fergie's My Humps. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W91sqAs-_-g)
It's just so... moving... :'(
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Laugh at this.
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No thanks.
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I was just fucking with everybody. ;)
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I was just fucking with everybody. ;)
Ah. I thought it was the - laugh 'cause other people were thing. Never got it.
Always laughed at their misery instead.
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Was that from some spaking fetish site?
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I'm in the middle of a bit of a prank, and I'm seeing how far it will go. I'm in a fiction writing workshop, and I submitted a story that will be handed out tomorrow. Two people in that class watch my blog. I posted the following on my blog:
Oh, by the way, to people in my workshop: The entire story is written in a code known as ROT26, just as a heads-up. If you can't read ROT26, reading my story will be pretty much impossible, so you should probably start looking for on online translator or even buy yourself a book on the subject, if there are any. There may not be, though, because it's such an obscure code.
I've gotten responses from two people. one is a tiny bit nerdy and I'm pretty sure he got the joke and is playing along (judging not only by what I know of him but by his actual post), but the other one is from my class and she's completely falling for it. here's our converstaion thus far:
one word: WONDAHFUL! :o/
You mean you can't read ROT26???
hm...dont think so
It's a very important life skill if you want to read much of anything on the internet; and, to my understanding, there's a good deal of print out there that's in ROT26 as well.
If more comes of it I'll try to remember to update.
I've been feeling kind of evil lately. then again, all she'd have to do was google it and look around for a few minutes and she'd get the joke, so i'm not the only one at fault here.
-----
I guess I'm in a prank-y mood after a friend of mine asked one of the psychology professors at my school to hijack her class for a moment. he was wearing a suit (senior photo) and he looked all official, and he went into the class and had her wait in the hall with me, and he told the class that she'd won the lottery and wouldn't be in today. Meanwhile, she and I were outside the class, chitchatting as she said over and over that she couldn't believe this (she was very amused). Finally she went into the classroom and everybody realized that it had been a prank.
This is the same professor who came in one Monday morning to a room full of balloons (well, a floor coated in them- I guess the helium diffused somehow because they were on the ceiling when we left them the day before) because we didn't know what to do with our Psi Chi decorations and we thought it would be kind of funny.
I never knew the kind of stuff that went on in the psychology department, but I guess it makes sense, considering we make a living out of fucking with people's heads. I don't expect anyone to laugh at my anecdotes, but please enjoy the evilness with a smirk if you can manage.
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ROT26? Hah; that's nothing! Try reading something written using the extended ASCII table characters rotated 256 steps. Now that's a challenge!
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ROT26? Hah; that's nothing! Try reading something written using the extended ASCII table characters rotated 256 steps. Now that's a challenge!
I think I might have treid that once or twice. I love a challenge. :laugh:
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Your psychology department is a lot more fun than mine. I wanna hear more stories.
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Your psychology department is a lot more fun than mine. I wanna hear more stories.
Hmm... those are the only decently funny prank stories I have (other than the same guy who pranked the entire class giving a professor an empty chocolate bar wrapper that looked like it was really chocolate- zero calorie chocolate bar was what he called it), but apparently a lot of pranking goes on. It doesn't hurt that two profs are married to each other and another two are dating each other. They have some great cartoons on their doors; I think one of my favorites can be read here: link (http://www.cartoonbank.com/product_details.asp?mscssid=WXKN3AXNQVKQ9HEJ8URJRA3KAUQS84EA&sitetype=2&sid=119414&pid=1003&did=4) if you kind of quint.
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I'd rather make them bleed and leave them with a permanent limp.
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http://worsethanfailure.com/Articles/Yes,_That_0x27_s_Exactly_What_I_Meant.aspx
Google's search suggestions strike again.
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http://worsethanfailure.com/Articles/Yes,_That_0x27_s_Exactly_What_I_Meant.aspx
Google's search suggestions strike again.
LOL!!!
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It's actually one of the most important things to do with organic explosives; washing them. Otherwise, remains of acids can make them explode spontaneously.
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It's actually one of the most important things to do with organic explosives; washing them. Otherwise, remains of acids can make them explode spontaneously.
?
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It's actually one of the most important things to do with organic explosives; washing them. Otherwise, remains of acids can make them explode spontaneously.
?
"Nitro" is short for "nitroglycerine". After you've made nitroglycerin or any other explosive that involves strong acids (which almost all explosives do), you have to wash the traces of acids away with distilled water or something.
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No ....... but if they laugh, good for them.
I want to tie someone's head to their knees and tie their feet to the rafters. I'm tired of a sand filled punching bag. Besides I want a punching bag that screams.
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An American Indian boy asks his father how he decided what to name each of his children.
The father replys, "After your sister was born, I walked out of the house and saw a deer against the sunset, so she was called Deer of the Evening Sky. After your brother's birth, I emerged to find an eagleswooping into the trees. So he was called Eagle of the Forest Wind. Why do you ask, Two Dogs F**king.
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What is a Yankee?
The same as a Quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag.
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different Bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time "
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****....
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one is tall enough to go on the good rides
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A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
'You got Male!'
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On the subject of BMWs, why do men like them?
Well, they can spell it...
And now for some jokes that got posted in a pun community of mine:
(1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
(2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire, and we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
(3) A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
(4) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
(5) Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
(6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
(7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
(8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
(9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
(10) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
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And a little doozy I came up with myself that's utterly true:
I'm unapologetically nerdy; I love school. Psychology, more specifically. At my college, the main psychology building is called Hart Hall (most psych classes are held there and that's where the psych offices are as well), and I was thinking just now about how school, especially this building, almost feels like a second home to me. Yes, that's right, I feel like for me, Hart is where the home is.
(yes, I know that you guys can resultingly probably find my school out from this joke but it's too good to give up on anyway)
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I'm on my way now to talk you out of pulling the trigger! Hold that thought! :P
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I'm on my way now to talk you out of pulling the trigger! Hold that thought! :P
While you call a team of cheerleaders to say "Gimme a BANG! Gimme a POW! Do yourself IN! Kill yourself NOW! Goooooooo TO HELL!"
And then organize a party?
Everyone loves a party with cheerleaders.
Who ask that people bang them.
:)
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Actually, I was thinking I might join you! The other stuff just sounds like too much sensory overload! Besides I'm not into cheerleaders, all that cliquey social standing BS...........yeesh.
-
Everyone loves a party with cheerleaders.
Who ask that people bang them.
:)
I'd like to bank whoever is in your avatar ...... she's cute. :eyebrows:
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Thats Serissa and she's with Thagomizer. But, yes, I agree, it's a cute pic!
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Everyone loves a party with cheerleaders.
Who ask that people bang them.
:)
I'd like to bank whoever is in your avatar ...... she's cute. :eyebrows:
Does "bank" mean you'd like to change my angle, or you'd like to start putting money into me, getting more and more interest, until you think that I'm a sure thing?
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Well there would be a penalty for early withdrawal! :eyebrows:
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Well there would be a penalty for early withdrawal! :eyebrows:
I'm sure he'd be very professional about giving me his number: "Here's my card." Then of course he'd go about trying to press my buttons just the right way.
-
But would you sound like the keypad as each button is being pushed! :o
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But would you sound like the keypad as each button is being pushed! :o
It's OK. More of what I say should be beeped anyway.
-
Of course if your talking about his "angle", an ancient (and horny) mathemetician once figured that: "The angle of the dangle times the heat of the meat was directly proportional to the mass of the ass factoring in the cube of the boob."
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Of course if your talking about his "angle", an ancient (and horny) mathemetician once figured that: "The angle of the dangle times the heat of the meat was directly proportional to the mass of the ass factoring in the cube of the boob."
:plus: for ridiculousness
-
Of course if your talking about his "angle", an ancient (and horny) mathemetician once figured that: "The angle of the dangle times the heat of the meat was directly proportional to the mass of the ass factoring in the cube of the boob."
:plus: for ridiculousness
Yeah, it's an old thing I learned in high school back in the dark ages of the 70's.
-
Two of the professors in our psychology department are married to one another. I took one class with the guy, and he was my thesis advisor. I'm taking my second class with the woman, and she likes to tell us jokes in class. Last class, she brought in the folloring:
(http://www.fakecrap.com/images/stickers/marriedmrright.jpg)
My immediate response:
"That's AWESOME!"
I might have said it a little too loudly. :laugh:
-
Everyone loves a party with cheerleaders.
Who ask that people bang them.
:)
I'd like to bank whoever is in your avatar ...... she's cute. :eyebrows:
Does "bank" mean you'd like to change my angle, or you'd like to start putting money into me, getting more and more interest, until you think that I'm a sure thing?
Damn typos !!! :-[
Where do I insert the money ?? :laugh:
-
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
-
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
Slurp slurp.
-
:plus: ozy.
-
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
:LMAO: +
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kids say the darndest things.
-
kids say the darndest things.
Speaking of kids saying the darndest things, be careful what you say to them:
A mother and father take their six year old son to a nude beach in Miami.
As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.
She tells her son, "The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is."
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger penises than his dad does.
She replies, "The bigger THEY are, the dumber the man is."
Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.
Shortly thereafter, the boy returns again, and promptly tells his mother: "Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."
-
:laugh: chuckle :laugh: chortle.
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kids say the darndest things.
Speaking of kids saying the darndest things, be careful what you say to them:
A mother and father take their six year old son to a nude beach in Miami.
As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.
She tells her son, "The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is."
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger penises than his dad does.
She replies, "The bigger THEY are, the dumber the man is."
Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.
Shortly thereafter, the boy returns again, and promptly tells his mother: "Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."
hahaha
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"Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.
Good one, Callaway.
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Four nuns die and arrive at the pearly gates, St Peter says "before you enter heavan, you must wash all unclean body parts in this bowl of water".
The first nun says, "I have seen a man's penis, I will wash my eyes." She does so and Enters.
The second nun says, "I have touched a man's penis, I will wash my hands." She does so and Enters.
The Fourth nun pushes the Third out of the way and says "I'm going first - if I have to mouthwash that stuff, I'm not doing it after she's dipped her arse in it!"
-
Told it before. Still funny. :evillaugh:
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(http://www.dark-sanity.com/cannibis.gif)
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:green: :stoned:
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Am hoping this hasn't already been posted...if it has, I can delete it.
lessons the movies taught us. A complete and regularly updated collection of funny and predictable lessons the movies teach us every single time.
1) During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
2) All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
3) The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
4) When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
5) Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
6) Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
7) A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of football stadium.
8) It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
9) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
10) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
11) Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
12) An electric fence powerful enough to kill a large dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
13) If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
14) It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
15) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, you need not speak the language. A German accent will do.
16) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
17) The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
18) You're very likely to survive any battle in any war - unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
19) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince in agony when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
20) If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade- at any time of the year.
21) All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. And the bread is always sticking and longer than the bag can cover.
22) It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
23) Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
24) Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
25) Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
26) If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.
27) Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.
28) Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
29) All single women have a cat.
30) Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
31) 1 man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at 1 man.
32) Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cutting - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
33) When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
34) Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them
35) When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
36) Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste.
37) Whenever a natural or man-made disaster is about to occur, the hero escapes (alive) nano second before its too late and is catapulted into the air by the force- but is never harmed
38) No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
39) If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
40) You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one.
41) All Americans have phones which can reach throughout the house-even if it has a cord. If its cordless- you can pick up perfect reception all around the house...unless there is a insane killer about
42) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
43) Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one.
44) Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.
45) Building ventilation ducts are always clean.
46) Film stars are always super-human- they never need to use the bathroom
47) Any computer, anywhere, even in the jungle, can hack into the most secure government system.
48) Any aliens from outer space that you meet will speak your language.
49) No matter how many times you punch someone they will always come back for more - and their wounds have healed dramatically the next day
50) All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
51) All handcuffs can easily be opened with nothing more than a paper clip.
52) Grocery shopping bags are made out of brown paper and there is always enough shopping to fill two bags exactly.
53) If you need to open a locked door make sure you have a credit card handy, that will do. Unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
54) If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
55) If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
56) Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
57) No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
58) When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
59) Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.
60) At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
61) Should you decide to defuse a bomb don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
62) Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
63) If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
64) Even if you've been set up for murder, been framed and you have the whole world wide police force hunting you down, you will automatically live happily ever after as long as you break away from the police and kill the bad guy.
65) If you desire to send any car into flame for any given reason, just shoot it three times, even though in real life you could stand right in front of a vehicle and shoot the gun into the gas tank, it wouldn’t ignite the fuel, only 1 or 2 bullets in the world can cause a spark, and it seems every police man in movies who blow up vehicles have those bullets!
66) Any woman who has just witnessed her father ,(brother, husband, family member etc) killed right there in front of her, will never be traumatized , morn, or be effected in anyway to resist making love to the hero who saved her!
68) Why when the hero of the movie gets the girl at the end, it seems like they will live happily ever after, yet doesn’t even mention her name or remember her in sequels!
69)You never need to look up the phone number for the pizza delivery service and the delivery guy is always psychic -you never need to tell him where you live or what you want on your pizza.
70) After witnessing a horrible crime being committed- don't call the cops, instead conduct your own Private Eye investigation.
71) If a lifetime of watching movies has taught me anything at all, it's to MAKE SURE that a captured secret agent is dead BEFORE you walk away from your miscellaneous torture device.
72) That, and to always look behind you when you hear menacing violin music begin to play.
73) In school, teachers will always be interrupted mid-sentence by the end-of-class bell.
74) Rather than wasting bullets, Megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
75) Never disarm a bomb unless it has one second left on the timer. The same goes for escaping from areas with a timed locking mechanism.
76) Always trust the most annoying person you can find because he/she will always survive.
77) If you are being chased by zombies run as fast as you can, even though they can barely walk they will still catch up with you.
78) Secret agents cannot drown because they have special lungs that allow them to breathe forever.
79) If someone you love dies then start mourning and crying, doing so will mean that they will then magically appear in front of you!
80) If someone or something is about to kill you and you have a gun then you are screwed because even if you have a loaded gun, the bullets will mysteriously disappear once you start shooting.
81) If you are in a vehicle and you have a vision of a huge accident and then get out of it then beware, because afterwards, any random object could kill you in any random way. (From Final Destination)
82) If your wife is having an affair, never kill the person she is having it with, you may have to eat him the next day. (From The Cook, The Wife, The Thief and Her Lover)
83) No matter what your mission is you will be given the latest gadget (or have it installed in your car), which will be the exact thing you need to complete your mission (and it will always work). Also no matter how much experience and training someone has shooting, they will always miss the hero.
84) No matter how fast someone runs through the woods, the killer will be able to walk and manage to get just in front of the person as they fall or turn around.
85) All of the killers’ victims will fall out of trees and become visible only when the last person alive is running for their lives.
86) Being a camp counselor at a summer camp is as good as a death sentence
87) All zombies roaming the streets have only been bit once or twice, yet when a zombie gets someone on screen they always tear them to pieces
88) Two gophers and a piece of clothes can be made into the deadly weapon known as gopher-jackus
89) If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.
90) A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
91) When in love, it is customary to burst into song.
92) When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.
93) Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be investigated more closely.
94) If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.
95) Freelance helicopter pilots are always eager to accept bookings from international terrorist organizations - even though the job will require them to shoot total strangers and will end in their own certain death as the helicopter explodes in a ball of flames.
96) All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software.
97) You can tell if somebody is British because they will be wearing a bow tie.
98) When driving a car it is normal to look not at the road but at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire journey.
99) Having a job of any kind will make father’s forget their son's eighth birthday.
100) The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.
101) Taking the stairs will always be faster than the elevator even if there’s 50 flights of stairs.
102) If you frantically pound on a keyboard and hit ENTER, all classified information can be pulled up on anybody in the world, AFTER you wait for the bar to load to 100%.
103) every college dorm roommate will be messy and dysfunctional like a punk-rocker, goth, metal, drug user, or other similar stereotype
104) before injecting a patient with a syringe, you must first point it straight up to squirt and waste some of the liquid in it
105) you can bypass all hospital security by grabbing a doctor’s uniform stashed away in the janitor’s closet and rolling a cart down the hall. You can even get into the patient file records room but you must have a small flashlight to bite on while you dig through the files with your hands.
106) all human bodies contain about 5 gallons of blood
107) when the good guy and bad guy scramble for the gun, the gun will fire off as they are wrestling and both will suddenly freeze up as the bad guy falls to the floor bleeding and then confesses to his crimes just before he dies.
108) a belt buckle, wallet, wad of money, police badge can all stop a bullet.
109) when firing a machine gun, it is routine to warm-up on some vases, flowerpots, and mirrors before aiming for the bad guy. This routine often is usually the result of missing the bad guy and letting him get away.
110) during interrogations, if pointing a loaded gun to someone’s head isn’t enough to make them give you important information, loudly cocking the gun always does the trick
111) all bombs are composed of several sticks of dynamite taped together with black electrical tape and coiled copper wires. The remaining time left can easily be read off an oversized digital readout.
112) a pool stick is a great weapon that can beat up everyone in a bar but for some reason always breaks when used on a victim’s back in a quick downward motion
113) all dead bodies should be left alone. Should you decide to poke or touch one, the dead body will come to life and grab you
114) all laboratories have at least one Pyrex beaker filled with a colorful liquid burning over a Bunsen burner, still on even with nobody is watching it.
-
:laugh:
-
:rofl:
This one makes some sense, because you have to get the air bubble out:
104) before injecting a patient with a syringe, you must first point it straight up to squirt and waste some of the liquid in it
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:rofl:
This one makes some sense, because you have to get the air bubble out:
104) before injecting a patient with a syringe, you must first point it straight up to squirt and waste some of the liquid in it
Oh good, I'm not the only one who wondered if that was somehow realistic.
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:rofl:
This one makes some sense, because you have to get the air bubble out:
104) before injecting a patient with a syringe, you must first point it straight up to squirt and waste some of the liquid in it
Oh good, I'm not the only one who wondered if that was somehow realistic.
My mother was a diabetic who used insulin and I have given myself IM injections before, so I know how to do it.
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What 4 animals do you see after sex ??
2 tired asses, 1 wet pussy and 1 dead cock. :P
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http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=231
Enjoy.
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http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=231
Enjoy.
i didn't know that mario knew how to do chidori.
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MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add cha racter. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading
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An old lady was standing at the rail of the cruise ship holding her hat so that it wouldn't blow away in the wind.?
A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam.
I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "But I need my hands to hold onto my hat."?
"But madam, he said, "you must know that you're derriere is exposed!"??
The woman looked down,then back up at the man and said,
"Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old, but I just bought this hat yesterday!"
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:laugh:
-
+
/me realizes too late that that's meaningless.
-
+
/me realizes too late that that's meaningless.
Oh cool. I'm going to do it all day then.
Actually, I read that one long long ago.
Probably in Playboy.
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I have discovered what many of you already knew: b3ta stuff is great.
(http://b3ta.hnldesign.nl/beta210.gif)
(http://b3ta.hnldesign.nl/beta211.gif)
(http://b3ta.hnldesign.nl/beta180.gif)
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I have too damn much free time. Sorry.
But this is hilarious.
http://b3ta.com/features/phalliclogoawards/
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I have too damn much free time. Sorry.
But this is hilarious.
http://b3ta.com/features/phalliclogoawards/
It's worth a chuckle, maybe I'm missing the good parts of the site. :-\
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I love b3ta. ;D
Try the 'name that beard' and 'spot the clifference' games. :eyebrows:
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http://ildrag.at.infoseek.co.jp/syosa/syosa_vs_os_english.html
View at your own risk. Not safe for most company. Of the hentai-ish fanstuff I have seen, nothing else comes close to being quite as ridiculous and overbearingly nerdy. If you haven't already, make sure to read a bit about the OS-tans (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OS-tans) beforehand in order to be able to appreciate it fully.
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NEWS RELEASE!!!! Rosie O'Donnel has died!!!
Her body was found,face down, in Ricky Lake....... :P ;) :laugh:
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True story from where I work:
The company I work for was bought out by the Japanese in 99...So naturally there are Japs running around all over the place here. Many don't speak or write the best engrish.....it very entertaining and frustrating all at the same time.
Anyway, one of them who works in customer service wrote an e-mail to one of our customers to respond to a problem/complaint.
What he meant to write was "We apologize for you inconvenience"
What was actually written and sent to the customer was "We apologize for you incontinence"
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:LMAO:
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Do you feel like working today?
(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)
Tomorrow?
(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)
The day after?
(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)
Next week?
(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)
Next Month?
(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)
(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)
(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)
(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)(http://i16.tinypic.com/4kef18o.gif)
Me neither!
I just want to party!
(http://i12.tinypic.com/54bbvyu.gif)
They are supposed to be animated gif images, but I'm not seeing any movement. I'm hoping my browser cahe is corrupt. et me know if you see them, someone.
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They move. ;D
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They move. ;D
And are oddly arousing
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They move. ;D
Ditto.
:plus:
-
(http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/b/bb/Roflmao.jpg)
-
I know that sometimes some pervertes men (real sickos) will masturbate into socks. That's fine solo, however, the inclusion of socks would make intercourse lousy. That's right, in the sack, sick sex socks suck.
-
I used to frequent a bar where a guy
would stuff his privates into a sock
and let it hang out of his pants.
-
I know that sometimes some pervertes men (real sickos) will masturbate into socks. That's fine solo, however, the inclusion of socks would make intercourse lousy. That's right, in the sack, sick sex socks suck.
Once again PMS, you prove why you are in fact, the Anti-christ. >:D:P ;)
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/glancingblow.gif)
Back and to the left. Back and.... to the left. Back..... And to the left.
-
This is an old one, but I just heard it and got a good laugh out of it.
Have you heard that the Rolling Stones have released a Scottish version of one of their classic hits??
Insteda of "Hey you, get off of my cloud, its: "Hey McCleod, get off of my ewe!!"
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/glancingblow.gif)
Back and to the left. Back and.... to the left. Back..... And to the left.
I wish I could shoot cum like that.
-
So do I, although i've never had a living target so I dont know it would deflect like that.
-
(http://www.dark-sanity.com/glancingblow.gif)
Back and to the left. Back and.... to the left. Back..... And to the left.
I wish I could shoot cum like that.
I can. Haven't done it for a while, though, but I can. 8)
-
Bob was in trouble. He had forgotten his wedding anniversary, and his wife was very angry. She told him " tomorrow morning when I wake up, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds flat...AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!
The next morning Bob got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift wrapped sitting in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale
...Bob has been missing since Friday.
-
:LMAO:
-
Ohhhhh! That bastard!!!
-
The question is.............why is he missing?? :eyebrows:
-
Because he's busy fertilizing the garden, right now?
-
More likely he was smart enough not to come home....
-
:o That was so horrible.
-
A spam email I got, I think they must be using the term 'star' very loosely here :laugh:
(http://images.rabota-5.net/2007/partywithastar/creatives/img/vanillaice_email.jpg)
-
Party with a HAS BEEN, enter and you'll BE HAD! He had one hit back awhile ago and now he's on the celebreality circuit stretching out his 15 minutes of fame.
-
Stolen from B3ta:
(http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/54553/1176223335.jpg)
-
A spam email I got, I think they must be using the term 'star' very loosely here :laugh:
(http://images.rabota-5.net/2007/partywithastar/creatives/img/vanillaice_email.jpg)
i would have thought that it would be two-day trailer park accomodations.
-
Another stolen from b3ta- this is really bad but it still made me laugh.
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/keighleymd/officesupplies.gif)
-
i think they meant to say, "surprise!."
-
So that's where my sledgehammer went. Cheers McJ. :smarty:
-
They did that in reverse.
Nips say "R" not "L"
-
Mr Jones related an incident from "some time back" when IBM Canada Ltd. of Markham, Ontario, ordered some parts from a new supplier in Japan. The company noted in its order that acceptable quality allowed for 1.5% defects (a fairly high standard in North America at that time).
The Japanese sent the order, with a few parts packaged separately in plastic. The accompanying letter said: "We don't know why you want 1.5% defective parts, but for your convenience, we've packaged them separately."
- excerpted from an article in The (Toronto) Globe and Mail
-
the nese take pride in their perfection.
-
Mr Jones related an incident from "some time back" when IBM Canada Ltd. of Markham, Ontario, ordered some parts from a new supplier in Japan. The company noted in its order that acceptable quality allowed for 1.5% defects (a fairly high standard in North America at that time).
The Japanese sent the order, with a few parts packaged separately in plastic. The accompanying letter said: "We don't know why you want 1.5% defective parts, but for your convenience, we've packaged them separately."
- excerpted from an article in The (Toronto) Globe and Mail
:laugh:
:plus:
-
Mr Jones related an incident from "some time back" when IBM Canada Ltd. of Markham, Ontario, ordered some parts from a new supplier in Japan. The company noted in its order that acceptable quality allowed for 1.5% defects (a fairly high standard in North America at that time).
The Japanese sent the order, with a few parts packaged separately in plastic. The accompanying letter said: "We don't know why you want 1.5% defective parts, but for your convenience, we've packaged them separately."
- excerpted from an article in The (Toronto) Globe and Mail
Lol!!!
-
http://www.engrish.com/
Always amuses me...especially the clothing section.
-
(http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/31XV6jqa0iL._AA280_.jpg)
Saw one of these on a girl today.
Thought there was an "I do" in there though. :angel:
-
Mellisa Ethrige passed away today..................... she was found face down in Ricky Lake.
-
Damn I had a spat with her last night, but this time I paid attention to how I felt. As I said, AS is not so bad if your not a complete dumbass. I did a very different thing this time and I am so proud. I am ready for that manager postion at Taco bell but they're smart enough to not hire me, and ready to marry her assbecause her ass looks better than her face. I knew I could if I put my mind to it. I just keep getting better and better everydaywhich doesn't say much, each day is a day that I have healed my body against non celiac gluten sensitivity with casein allergy, which is responsible for all my disfuctionalness including CPSTDbecause i refuse to take responsibility for myself. Those disorders drain the body of life and make it easy for me to jack off constantly. I have been acting like my brother more and more now showing that I am indeed becoming a total fucktwit. We are almost ferternal twins and that shouls scare you. Before I did not want a tatooe then one night I was thinking because my stupidbitch has been bugging me to get one. I am pussywhipped now, and I will go for the earrings she wants to. They do no lasting damage to my body only my self-respect. I treat women the same as my brother, only I am far more genetically damaged than him. He is a little more of a liberal than me, and I think its too much. I do slip around myself but not as much as him. I don't drink alcohol and I workout. The dirty sexual shit me and my gf have planned is something we will never get around to doing, but I think our favorite place to fuck is lame.
Fixed.
-
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Kitten_huffing
I laughed.
-
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Kitten_huffing
I laughed.
on a related note: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Catsturbating
-
Not really funny, but I thought McJ might appreciate this one.
http://www.superlaugh.com/1/oops.htm
-
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Kitten_huffing
I laughed.
on a related note: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Catsturbating
+
-
CURTAIN RODS---- PRICELESS
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home......
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
-
(http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/31XV6jqa0iL._AA280_.jpg)
Saw one of these on a girl today.
Thought there was an "I do" in there though. :angel:
Thought she was the girl of your dreams for a moment then, did you?
-
Nah. I figure I wouldn't mind someone who
was hooked on trying a dog once - but if
it was normal for them, I think I'd be bothered.
-
+ for callaway.
And I had to share this dog breed's name. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shih-poo) It's really, really immature but I think it's extremely funny.
-
My mom always got a kick out of their name.
Just before she'd kick them.
-
A Shih-Poo? It's a cute little dog. I had a Peke-a-poo once.
-
Little dogs are just evil.
-
Little dogs are just evil.
I don't find them evil, but some little dogs are too yappy for me.
-
Tend to nip ankles.
-
Now that you mention it, my neighbors had an evil little black chihuahua when I was a kid. He was fine with adults, but he would bark and snarl and snap at children. His name was Buddy. ::)
-
Have you ever known anything named buddy that WASN'T evil?
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qnq7N6X4x84
I guess it's been around for a while, probably even
posted here, but I thought it was funny.
Terminator saving christ.
-
A Shih-Poo? It's a cute little dog. I had a Peke-a-poo once.
Oh, I agree it's cute, but it's still the worst breed name ever.
Have you ever known anything named buddy that WASN'T evil?
My mom's ex had a dog named buddy that wasn't evil, but was extremely inbred, stupid, and annoying. It got hit by a car, but that didn't finish it off. My mom's ex running it over the next day did. I feel bad that I don't feel more bad about its death.
-
A Shih-Poo? It's a cute little dog. I had a Peke-a-poo once.
Oh, I agree it's cute, but it's still the worst breed name ever.
Have you ever known anything named buddy that WASN'T evil?
My mom's ex had a dog named buddy that wasn't evil, but was extremely inbred, stupid, and annoying. It got hit by a car, but that didn't finish it off. My mom's ex running it over the next day did. I feel bad that I don't feel more bad about its death.
don't be.
and never name a dog buddy. the worst dog i ever had was named buddy. the dog was Stooooooopid.
-
http://www.addictinggames.com/spamalot.html
silly game.
-
Have you ever known anything named buddy that WASN'T evil?
My mom's ex had a dog named buddy that wasn't evil, but was extremely inbred, stupid, and annoying. It got hit by a car, but that didn't finish it off. My mom's ex running it over the next day did. I feel bad that I don't feel more bad about its death.
Sounds like we define evil differently. At least for
a working definition.
Was the execution intentional?
-
No, it was an accident. And + for the spam game.
-
A Shih-Poo? It's a cute little dog. I had a Peke-a-poo once.
Oh, I agree it's cute, but it's still the worst breed name ever.
Have you ever known anything named buddy that WASN'T evil?
My mom's ex had a dog named buddy that wasn't evil, but was extremely inbred, stupid, and annoying. It got hit by a car, but that didn't finish it off. My mom's ex running it over the next day did. I feel bad that I don't feel more bad about its death.
don't be.
and never name a dog buddy. the worst dog i ever had was named buddy. the dog was Stooooooopid.
My dogs name is Buddy >:( He's named after Buddy Guy.
-
A Shih-Poo? It's a cute little dog. I had a Peke-a-poo once.
Oh, I agree it's cute, but it's still the worst breed name ever.
Have you ever known anything named buddy that WASN'T evil?
My mom's ex had a dog named buddy that wasn't evil, but was extremely inbred, stupid, and annoying. It got hit by a car, but that didn't finish it off. My mom's ex running it over the next day did. I feel bad that I don't feel more bad about its death.
don't be.
and never name a dog buddy. the worst dog i ever had was named buddy. the dog was Stooooooopid.
My dogs name is Buddy >:( He's named after Buddy Guy.
is he a smart dog?
-
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/April_1st_RFC
Just found these. :green:
-
Something we saw in a church parking lot in Freeport Maine Saturday May 26, 2007
(http://img184.imageshack.us/img184/6113/image5nm9.jpg)
-
Something we saw in a church parking lot in Freeport Maine Saturday May 26, 2007
(http://img184.imageshack.us/img184/6113/image5nm9.jpg)
Towed to a very hot place perhaps?
-
In a MAine winter, thats not a bad place to be! :eyebrows:
-
Sin no more and you shall be allowed into Heaven, with free parking space?
-
http://youtube.com/watch?v=D3Lr70lwaVg
http://youtube.com/watch?v=wbc3amCSr70&mode=related&search=
Kids getting hurt. At least it makes me laugh.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=mVAo7F91MWw
-
http://youtube.com/watch?v=D3Lr70lwaVg
http://youtube.com/watch?v=wbc3amCSr70&mode=related&search=
Kids getting hurt. At least it makes me laugh.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=mVAo7F91MWw
Done the first one on the dance floor a few times yourself?
Watch some skateboarding clips...they are even more tragic...hold on to your nuts though, they can be painful just to watch them.
-
Nah. I don't breakdance. It's impressive,
but more like gymnastics. Less to do
with the music, and more with the show.
-
Nah. I don't breakdance. It's impressive,
but more like gymnastics. Less to do
with the music, and more with the show.
I more meant flipping off some poor bastard on the side!
-
I flip off the whole damned audience.
Managed to keep that under control recently though.
Only give them my pinky again.
-
I flip off the whole damned audience.
Managed to keep that under control recently though.
Only give them my pinky again.
So you do tend to dance like Peter Garrett then.
-
So you do tend to dance like Peter Garrett then.
Never saw him. But I was thinking about
the whole 'giving the finger' thing, and
the feelings involved. It's like this sense
of, none of you can do this shit, and yeah,
I'm probably destroying my legs doing it,
but at least there's some power running
through me, right now.
-
(http://photos-728.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v72/13/100/776305647/n776305647_371728_5633.jpg)
-
(http://photos-728.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v72/13/100/776305647/n776305647_371728_5633.jpg)
I LOVE IT!
I want that framed and in my kitchen!
-
I LOVE IT!
I want that framed and in my kitchen!
I don't have it framed, but I do have a slightly more colorful version of it hanging up in my kitchen. 8)
-
I am tempted to post about jessica, but doctor patient cofidentality. I am about to say fuck it.
-
I am tempted to post about jessica, but doctor patient cofidentality. I am about to say fuck it.
You're not a doctor, you moron. You're so disabled that you can't even keep a job at McDonald's. Grow the fuck up and take your meds.
-
I am tempted to post about jessica, but doctor patient cofidentality. I am about to say fuck it.
You're not a doctor, you moron. You're so disabled that you can't even keep a job at McDonald's. Grow the fuck up and take your meds.
For Randy, this is pretty funny though. ;)
-
This is how to deal with people threatening to sue your evil website. :LMAO:
CLICKY (http://snipurl.com/fuck_nugget)
-
Did you look at some of the baby photo edits on crazy doll lady's site? I'm not even sure how to label the perversity, save to say it's perverse.
-
Aye. She's clearly off her chops, but what does that say about her customers? :GA:
-
This is how to deal with people threatening to sue your evil website. :LMAO:
CLICKY (http://snipurl.com/fuck_nugget)
:LMAO:
First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the people who Photoshop children into scary doll creatures
and I did not speak out
because I did not Photoshop children into scary doll creatures.
Then they came for me
and I couldn't move because my face was a freakish abomination nullifying the existence of any possible god.
:rofl:
:plus:
-
I am tempted to post about jessica, but doctor patient cofidentality. I am about to say fuck it.
And You want to be a doctor. ::)
-
I am tempted to post about jessica, but doctor patient cofidentality. I am about to say fuck it.
And You want to be a doctor. ::)
It's all part of the hypocritic oath that he has to take.
-
This is how to deal with people threatening to sue your evil website. :LMAO:
CLICKY (http://snipurl.com/fuck_nugget)
This guy is a fucking master. :headbang:
-
A birthday present for every married man.
-
Never
Never
Never
Ever
Fart in a wet suit!
-
A little privacy, please.
-
I think the worlds ugliest dog-like creature has been located.
-
A little privacy, please.
LOL!!!!!!
-
(http://planrawsto.blolol.com/Pix/dividedbyzero.JPG)
haha.
-
I think the worlds ugliest dog-like creature has been located.
You must be mistaken...
(http://monkeysaurus.net/wp-content/sam_ugly_dog.jpg)
-
Or from another angle
(http://static.manilasites.com/images/doc/samdog.jpg)
-
(http://barista.media2.org/wp-content/very%20very%20ugly%20pooch.jpg)
(http://happycarpenter.blogs.com/the_happy_carpenter/images/ugly_dog_winner_chinese_meat_crested_1.jpg)
-
Yeah, I'm done now :)
-
I'm not sure which is more scary looking- that dog or its owner. :o
-
(http://planrawsto.blolol.com/Pix/dividedbyzero.JPG)
haha.
Was that sarcasm by any chance? ???
-
I'm not sure which is more scary looking- that dog or its owner. :o
It always reminds me of the dogs in Ghostbusters
(http://wallpapers.infinitecoolness.com/halloween/tn_ghostbusterswp03.jpg)
-
I think the worlds ugliest dog-like creature has been located.
You must be mistaken...
(http://monkeysaurus.net/wp-content/sam_ugly_dog.jpg)
I've known many people with Mexican Hairless dogs. They are indeed ugly as hell, but they are good fighters if you get a chance to attend a well promoted dogfight. They don't get big, but they have their own league, so to speak. They often appear as the "prize fight" heat at a dogfighting event. They are faster than cats and very strong.
-
haha.
Was that sarcasm by any chance? ???
No; I know in math dividing by zero is for some reason logically impossible. I've seen nerd jokes on it before so I looked it up, although it promptly fell out of my tiny little sieve head as to why dividing by zero is evil, exactly.
-
For the most part it is just a joke, but I am guessing it is evil because it is breaking the system.
-
Not nessecarily evil, but if you could actually divide by zero, it would stand to reason that the universe would collapse in on itself. As much that house was doing :)
-
I divide by zero regularly.
Given that you can derive
anything, in such a case,
it is not evil, but rather the
key to ultimate control.
-
Control leads to Power
Power leads to Corruption
And Corruption leads to Evil. Mmmm
-
Control leads to Power
Power leads to Corruption
And Corruption leads to Evil. Mmmm
Not absolute power, in the right hands.
I think that I would simply destroy the
all, if I had such power, which would
be neither evil nor corrupt.
Though I might make people dance around
and look silly, until I got bored with it. :laugh:
-
(http://img516.imageshack.us/img516/952/churchsignxx1.jpg)
I have SO got to get religion.
-
(http://img354.imageshack.us/img354/4747/judgementdaydi0.jpg)
Or, maybe not.
-
haha.
Was that sarcasm by any chance? ???
No; I know in math dividing by zero is for some reason logically impossible. I've seen nerd jokes on it before so I looked it up, although it promptly fell out of my tiny little sieve head as to why dividing by zero is evil, exactly.
Dividing by zero is not evil, it's just undefined. If you take the quantity y = 1 / x where x is a positive number, as x approaches zero, y increases without bound. If x is a negative number, as x approaches zero, y decreases without bound.
Here is a graph which I hope will help make it more clear:
(http://illuminations.nctm.org/java/whelk/Whelk-Graph1OverX.jpg)
-
So those red lines never touch the 0? Or something like that.
I never thought that dividing by zero was bad. When I divide a number by zero on my calculator, it reads MATH ERROR.
-
POSIX standards require that it
return NaN (Not a Number) now.
It's really hard to get them to
blow up anymore.
-
So those red lines never touch the 0?
That's right. Cool, huh?
-
haha.
Was that sarcasm by any chance? ???
No; I know in math dividing by zero is for some reason logically impossible. I've seen nerd jokes on it before so I looked it up, although it promptly fell out of my tiny little sieve head as to why dividing by zero is evil, exactly.
Dividing by zero is not evil, it's just undefined. If you take the quantity y = 1 / x where x is a positive number, as x approaches zero, y increases without bound. If x is a negative number, as x approaches zero, y decreases without bound.
Here is a graph which I hope will help make it more clear:
(http://illuminations.nctm.org/java/whelk/Whelk-Graph1OverX.jpg)
It's great to have a real Mathematologist among us.
:)
-
,
-
:laugh: Good one, Kevv!
-
.
-
Is the fact that the overgrown shrubbery is glowing yellow the funny part or is it just the addition of a twatwig that is supposed to be funny?
-
So those red lines never touch the 0? Or something like that.
I never thought that dividing by zero was bad. When I divide a number by zero on my calculator, it reads MATH ERROR.
That's exactly right, Renaeden.
Also, as you approach x = 0 from each side, positive or negative, the red lines go off in different directions.
-
Is the fact that the overgrown shrubbery is glowing yellow the funny part or is it just the addition of a twatwig that is supposed to be funny?
It just gave Me a good laugh.
-
(http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/6707/unmathtg7.jpg)
-
(http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/6707/unmathtg7.jpg)
:laugh:
:plus:
-
I posted a crapload of nerd humor thingies on this thread awhile back, but here are some newer ones:
(http://photos-286.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v75/220/125/6218032/n6218032_33895286_5202.jpg)
(http://photos-292.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v50/73/61/1032810263/n1032810263_30015292_4294.jpg)
(http://photos-990.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v56/8/122/503055602/n503055602_15990_4597.jpg)
And this last is for Calendale:
(http://photos-453.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v72/29/26/1481250659/n1481250659_30166453_3399.jpg)
-
:plus: >:D
-
"As a math atheist, I should be excused from this."
:LMAO: :plus: (or more accurately -1 to keep you at 420).
-
You know you got shit when you got shit, right?
How about when you live with a bipolar and she is bipolar?
My own mom had me pic out sunglasses, and I am the retard with no taste, so why ask me? I picked a good pair, as my brother agreed, and last time she tried on her own she did bad. That was nothing on till I reflected on what it meant later. At my grandmothers she made comments about flowers and cum with me being the only man in the room. She also made a comment when I came home all sweaty from the gym a while back. There was another time she said something about me be having a"nice body."
Risky sexual behavior is a symptom of bipolar disorder, and fucking your son is risky, not to mention me not allowing it. The sunglasses made me think it was a, what would turn me on the most bit?, for one who resmebles his dad. She said in the car "Your father is old but he is one of the most nice looking man I have ever seen." "All Men suck" She sees I act much better than my dad, and that coupled with bipolar symptoms makes me think that nasty fuck your son thought crossed her mind. The something about a lesbian comment with her bisxeual friend, Christi. I know that was a joke but not so sure about the other things. I don't trust her and that unstable mood, so maybe its me and not her. She tires to bother me when she is in a bad mood, and I get hyped up before she opens her mouth when she is in mania. That right there is my psychic gift that kicks in when something is really stressful. Maybe I do have such a gift maybe not, but the thought is scary.
Now do the appropiate AS thing, and laugh inappropiately! >:D
-
"As a math atheist, I should be excused from this."
:LMAO: :plus: (or more accurately -1 to keep you at 420).
I'm being foiled in all directions. I have to figure out
a new angle of attack (or a different angel)
-
"As a math atheist, I should be excused from this."
:LMAO: :plus: (or more accurately -1 to keep you at 420).
I'm being foiled in all directions. I have to figure out
a new angle of attack (or a different angel)
You better follow through on that. Don't just dangle a newfangled angel angle in front of our noses!
-
this on'es for you, PMS:
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/1161919309904.jpg)
-
RRREEOOOOOWWW!!!!
-
Try this one:
-
I love to laugh... this one is one of my personal favorites. The most true things are always the funniest! ;D
-
1 more...
-
+ for the last.
-
:LMAO: :plus:
-
:plus:
-
"As a math atheist, I should be excused from this."
:LMAO: :plus: (or more accurately -1 to keep you at 420).
I'm being foiled in all directions. I have to figure out
a new angle of attack (or a different angel)
You better follow through on that. Don't just dangle a newfangled angel angle in front of our noses!
Or what? Will you hurt me?
You should know I'm a tease anyhow.
-
SHEEP DOG BRA
The success of the "Wonder Bra" for under-endowed women, has encouraged the designers to come out with a bra for over-endowed women. It's called the "Sheep Dog Bra." It rounds them up and points them in the right direction.
TALENTED FROG
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune. "Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to perform oral sex!" "Really?" the woman replied. "It hasn't been proved but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said. The woman thought it would be a great gag gift for her husband, and if it were true, she'd be able to avoid performing that burdensome act for her husband. She bought the frog. When she explained the frog's alleged ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this unappealing act again. In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked. The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone."
FROG JOKE II
A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says, "Sex frogs! Only $20 each! Money back guarantee! Comes with complete instructions." The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully." The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do: 1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume. 3. Slip into a very sexy teddy. 4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place. She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens. The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the girl calls the pet store. The man says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over." Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there." The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says, "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
BAR ENCOUNTER
A guy sees a gal in a bar. Walking up behind her he says, "Hi there, good looking! How's it going?" Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye, and says, "Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean, it just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-ass love it." Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, "No kidding? I'm a lawyer, too! What firm are you with?"
LOST POWER
Q: How did the electrician lose all the power in his home?
A: He got married.
MALE ORGAN
According to a new book, 50 women were asked what they'd do if they had a male sex organ for one day. Most said, "Probably get a salary increase."
HEALTH VIOLATION
A man orders a hot dog with relish from a street vendor. The vendor grabs the dog with his bare hands and puts it on a bun. He then applies the relish with his fingers. The man pulls out a badge and says, "I'm the health inspector and I'm shutting you down!" The vendor pleads with the inspector and promises to clean up his act. The inspector agrees, but warns he'll be stopping by unannounced another time. A month later, the inspector returns and orders a hot dog with relish. The vendor carefully grabs the dog with a pair of tongs and uses another pair to put on the relish. "You've passed," the inspector says before noticing a string hanging out of the vendor's zipper. "Wait!" he says. "What's that for?" "The vendor replies, "I'm so clean that when I go to the bathroom, I don't even touch myself. I pull it out with the string." "And how do you get it back in your pants?" the inspector asks. "Easy," says the vendor. "I use the tongs."
WICKER BOX
Q: What is the definition of wicker box?
A: It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Britney Spears.
SKINNY GIRL
Did you hear the one about the girl who was extremely skinny? She had to tease her hair just to keep her pants up.
ONE ON TOP
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when two people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling." Little Tony just said, "Oh, O.K." He went back outside to talk and play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called bunk beds! And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you!"
-
What comes in litres?
Elephants
-
What comes in litres?
Elephants
:laugh:
-
Like I can read all that drunk?
-
You should know I'm a tease anyhow.
Some of the best screams have been coaxed from teasers.
-
You should know I'm a tease anyhow.
Some of the best screams have been coaxed from teasers.
Screams? Nah. Just tears.
-
Like I can read all that drunk?
Who knew you were all that drunk?
-
Like I can read all that drunk?
Who knew you were all that drunk?
Fuck. I'm still drunk. How can I answer that?
I can barely type.
-
You should know I'm a tease anyhow.
Some of the best screams have been coaxed from teasers.
Screams? Nah. Just tears.
I get it. You have not had your teasing pursued beyond tears. You have some more teasing to do.
-
You should know I'm a tease anyhow.
Some of the best screams have been coaxed from teasers.
Screams? Nah. Just tears.
I get it. You have not had your teasing pursued beyond tears. You have some more teasing to do.
Apparently.
-
It's a Big Ad (http://youtube.com/watch?v=aWDNy43ATjc)
-
"Make someone laugh", huh?
A man walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He walks up to the bar, sits down on a stool and waves the bartender over.
"Bartender", says the man, "I bet you a hundred dollars this octopus can play any instrument there is in the entire bar!"
The bartender, clearly convinced the guy is a nutcase, points over at the piano and says: "Sounds fine to me. See that piano over there? You can start with that."
So the guy walks over to the piano and plops the octopus down on the stool in front of it. The octopus lifts the lid of the piano and then tinkles out the melody to the song "Stardust" perfectly from start to finish. He even finishes it with a little flourish before closing the lid up and taking a little bow.
"Well I'll be a sonofabitch", says the bartender. "But wait! I got another instrument in here." He plucks down an acoustic guitar from the wall and hands it to the octopus. "Let's see if he can play that!", the bartender says.
The octopus picks up the guitar, tunes it up a little bit and then plays the melody to "Man of Constant Sorrow" from start to finish without any errors while tapping his arms to the beat. He then hands the guitar back to the bartender and takes a bow.
"Well I'll be goddamned", says the bartender. "But wait, I got another instrument somewhere in here." He walks into the back room and comes out with a clarinette. "Let's see him play that", he says to the guy.
The octopus picks up the clarinet, tightens the reed and plays out a sonata by Schumann on it perfectly from start to finish. He then hands it back to the bartender who just stands there gaping.
"Now can I have my money?", says the man.
"Wait a minute, wait a minute", says the bartender, "I think I have one more instrument back there." He walks into the back room again and rummages around for a good minute or so. Finally, he emerges with a bagpipes. "Let's see him play that!", he says and hands it to the octopus.
The octopus looks the bagpipes over. He reaches out and lifts one pipe, then lets it drop. He reaches out, lifts another pipe, lets it drop. Same thing with a third pipe and a fourth one. Finally, he just backs up and squints at the bagpipes. The guy gets nervous and comes over to see what's wrong.
"What's the matter", he asks, "Can't you play it?"
"Play it?!", the octopus asks, "Man, once I figure out how to get her clothes off I'm gonna fuck her!"
Here's a shorter story on the same theme:
A rabbi, a Buddhist monk and a Catholic priest walk into a bar and the bartender says "What is this, some kinda joke?"
-
(http://jon.thompsonstaggs.com/Media/darthbrit.jpg)
-
"Make someone laugh", huh?
A man walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He walks up to the bar, sits down on a stool and waves the bartender over.
"Bartender", says the man, "I bet you a hundred dollars this octopus can play any instrument there is in the entire bar!"
The bartender, clearly convinced the guy is a nutcase, points over at the piano and says: "Sounds fine to me. See that piano over there? You can start with that."
So the guy walks over to the piano and plops the octopus down on the stool in front of it. The octopus lifts the lid of the piano and then tinkles out the melody to the song "Stardust" perfectly from start to finish. He even finishes it with a little flourish before closing the lid up and taking a little bow.
"Well I'll be a sonofabitch", says the bartender. "But wait! I got another instrument in here." He plucks down an acoustic guitar from the wall and hands it to the octopus. "Let's see if he can play that!", the bartender says.
The octopus picks up the guitar, tunes it up a little bit and then plays the melody to "Man of Constant Sorrow" from start to finish without any errors while tapping his arms to the beat. He then hands the guitar back to the bartender and takes a bow.
"Well I'll be goddamned", says the bartender. "But wait, I got another instrument somewhere in here." He walks into the back room and comes out with a clarinette. "Let's see him play that", he says to the guy.
The octopus picks up the clarinet, tightens the reed and plays out a sonata by Schumann on it perfectly from start to finish. He then hands it back to the bartender who just stands there gaping.
"Now can I have my money?", says the man.
"Wait a minute, wait a minute", says the bartender, "I think I have one more instrument back there." He walks into the back room again and rummages around for a good minute or so. Finally, he emerges with a bagpipes. "Let's see him play that!", he says and hands it to the octopus.
The octopus looks the bagpipes over. He reaches out and lifts one pipe, then lets it drop. He reaches out, lifts another pipe, lets it drop. Same thing with a third pipe and a fourth one. Finally, he just backs up and squints at the bagpipes. The guy gets nervous and comes over to see what's wrong.
"What's the matter", he asks, "Can't you play it?"
"Play it?!", the octopus asks, "Man, once I figure out how to get her clothes off I'm gonna fuck her!"
Here's a shorter story on the same theme:
A rabbi, a Buddhist monk and a Catholic priest walk into a bar and the bartender says "What is this, some kinda joke?"
I anticipated that punchline. I heard some version before, I think.
-
I have a hunch some people might laugh at this but not admit it...
Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer. One man applied for the job but he had no arms.
"How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo.
"That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head.
BONG!
"That's amazing!" said Quasimodo. "Could you show me that again?"
"Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower. A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, "Does anyone know who he is?"
Quasimodo came out and said...
"I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"
The day after the guy with no arms fell to his death, another fellow shows up and said that he was the brother of the man with no arms and he wanted to audition for the bell ringers job. Quasimodo takes him to the bell tower, the guy picks up the wooden mallet and starts to ring the bells. He took a huge swing, missed the bell and fell over the balcony to his death. Quasimodo runs outside and the policeman asks him who the fellow was. Quasimodo says,
"I never got his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother!"
-
:laugh: in a groan-worthy way. :plus: (sorry you'll have to get someone to ghey you I've been wanting to plus you for days).
-
(http://images.amazon.com/images/G/01/video/stills/muppets5-large.jpg)
BOOOOO
-
Here's another (I found a couple of pages of them and am feeling especially sadistic):
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:
"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
:laugh: in a groan-worthy way. :plus: (sorry you'll have to get someone to ghey you I've been wanting to plus you for days).
I've been waiting to see how long before my karma reached a tipping point and stopped being "TIME FOR MARIJUANA!" I think it may have gotten there.
-
Three strings walk up to a bar. They see a sign in the window that says: "WE DON'T SERVE STRING HERE!" , but choose to risk it anyway and see if they can't get a beer. So the first string walks into the bar.
"Hey there, I'd like a beer", he says to the bartender.
"Hey, get lost! Didn't you see the sign that says we don't serve string here?"
The first string walks out again. The second string walks into the bar.
"Hey there, I'd like a beer", he tells the bartender.
"Fuck off already! Can't you see we don't serve string here?"
So the second string walks out of the bar. The third string, who's a bit more clever, sees his two friends leave and hatches a cunning plot. So he ties himself into a loop. And then he musses himself up so that the cords he's made out of stands out in all directions. Then he walks into the bar.
"Hey there, I'd like a beer", he tells the bartender.
The bartender looks him over. "Hey... aren't you a string?", he asks.
"Nope", the string says, "I'm a frayed knot."
-
(http://www.bustedtees.com/bt/images/BT-shithappens-catalog-2174.jpg)
Does this actually kind of bother anyone else to look at and think about?
Edit This was my 4444th post!!!!
-
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender puts the drink down on the bar in front of him. "Here", he says, "for you, no charge!"
-
Sorry, PMS, had to :plus: you. ;D
-
Ah, time to fix the travesty.
-
http://www.vertigogaming.net/sog.htm
Neat little game. Sim earth lite.
-
How do you start a jelly race?
Get set.
-
Un petit d'un petit [1]
S'étonne aux Halles [2]
Un petit d'un petit
Ah! degrés te fallent [3]
Indolent qui ne sort cesse [4]
Indolent qui ne se mène [5]
Qu'importe un petit d'un petit
Tout Gai de Reguennes. [6]
[1] The inevitable result of a child marriage.
[2] The subject of this epigrammatic poem is obviously from the provinces, since a native Parisian would take this famous old market for granted.
[3] Since this personage bears no titles, we are led to believe that the poet writes of one of those unfortunate idiot-children than in olden days existed as a living skeleton in their family's closet. I am inclined to believe, however, that this is a fine piece of misdirection and that the poet is actualy writing of some famous political prisoner, or the illegitimate offspring of some noble house. The Man in the Iron Mask, perhaps?
[4,5] Another misdirection. Obviously it was not laziness that prevented this person's going out and taking himself places.
[6] He was obviously prevented from fulfilling his destiny, since his is compared to Gai de Reguennes. This was a young squire (to one of his uncles, a Gaillard of Normandy) who died at the tender age of twelve of a surfeit of Saracen arrows before the walls of Acre in 1191.
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Two guys are sitting in a luxorious penthouse bar at the top of a skyscraper, getting wasted.
One of the guys is good-looking, really big and muscular with jet black hair and glasses. The other guy is a tiny little runt who can only just see over the bar. He's also got glasses, although he's so near-sighted he needs contacts just to be able to see through them.
The two guys are sitting in the bar, steadily getting drunker and drunker.
Finally, when they're very, very drunk, the big guy turns towards the little guy and says:
"Hey, you know what? We're really high up in the air here. The windsheer on altitudes this great is kinda funny. I'll bet you anything that if I went over to the window and jumped out of it, I wouldn't fall to my death and go 'splat' on the pavement. I'd slowly fall out of the window, make a little loop in mid-air and then sloooowly fall back in again, unharmed."
"Bullshit", says the little guy, struggling to focus on the big guy. "I'll believe that when I see it!"
So the big guy goes over to the window and opens it. He leaps out of the window, but doesn't fall to his death and go 'splat' on the pavement. Instead, he slowly falls out of the window, makes a little loop in mid-air and then sloooowly falls back in again, unharmed. He closes the window back up and flashes a triumphant grin at the little guy.
"Well I'll be a sonofabitch", the little guy says. "I gotta try that myself!"
So the little guy also goes over to the window and opens it. He leaps out of the window and immediately falls to his death and goes 'splat' on the pavement.
The big guy watches him go while chuckling to himself. Then he closes the window back up, smiles, and goes back to the bar to get another drink.
The bartender brings his drink over, and then leans over the bar and stares angrily at the big guy.
"You sure turn into one mean guy when you're drunk, Superman."
-
Weekend Photoshoppery - Passed Out Guy (http://www.kvraudio.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=180510).
A most "interesting" thread on KVR.
-
(http://www.bustedtees.com/bt/images/BT-shithappens-catalog-2174.jpg)
Does this actually kind of bother anyone else to look at and think about?
Edit This was my 4444th post!!!!
Eek! That would make me spit and curse for the better part of an hour if that happened to me whilst playing Tetris.
-
This dachshund, Rusty, suffers from Narcolepsy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zVCYdrw-1o).
This dachshund, Rusty, also suffers from narcolepsy. But with music (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzyGDOmGpm4&mode=related&search=)!
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(http://www.bustedtees.com/bt/images/BT-shithappens-catalog-2174.jpg)
Does this actually kind of bother anyone else to look at and think about?
Edit This was my 4444th post!!!!
Eek! That would make me spit and curse for the better part of an hour if that happened to me whilst playing Tetris.
I thought you would be the most likely person to see the horribleness of that pic.
-
(http://www.bustedtees.com/bt/images/BT-shithappens-catalog-2174.jpg)
Does this actually kind of bother anyone else to look at and think about?
Edit This was my 4444th post!!!!
Eek! That would make me spit and curse for the better part of an hour if that happened to me whilst playing Tetris.
I thought you would be the most likely person to see the horribleness of that pic.
I missed it the first time. I now have brainache. :tantrum:
-
The first time I looked at it all I could think was that the colours were all fucked up and for some reason that really bothered me. :laugh:
-
It still doesn't bother me.
Seems like it would make
the game easier.
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The first time I looked at it all I could think was that the colours were all fucked up and for some reason that really bothered me. :laugh:
They're selling it on teeshirts so they want it to look kind of match-y.
-
Gotta love the paris Hilton soap opera....
-
:plus:
-
That's hot.
-
The problem - There's a box with a hole at each end and there's a rabbit in the box. The rabbit sticks his head out of the hole in one end, and a minute later he sticks it out the other end. Half a minute later, his head appears at the opposite end, a fourth of a minute later it appears at the end opposite to that one, an eighth of a minute later...etc., etc.
How long will it take before the rabbit sticks its head out of both ends of the box at the same time?
In theory, two minutes.
In practice, no answer is possible unless you split hares.
-
hehe
To split hairs even further, the rabbit and hare are two different species, so while splitting hares will give you...or two halves...it won't solve the rabbit's predicament. ;)
-
hehe
To split hairs even further, the rabbit and hare are two different species, so while splitting hares will give you...or two halves...it won't solve the rabbit's predicament. ;)
GA is on the case!
:GA:
-
hehe
To split hairs even further, the rabbit and hare are two different species, so while splitting hares will give you...or two halves...it won't solve the rabbit's predicament. ;)
:plus:
-
hehe
To split hairs even further, the rabbit and hare are two different species, so while splitting hares will give you...or two halves...it won't solve the rabbit's predicament. ;)
:laugh:
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What do you do if you come across a lion in the jungle?
Wipe it off and apologise.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zA64g3pi97M
Calvin and Hobbes spoof from adult swim.
-
http://www.superlaugh.net/1/oops.htm
-
I found the perfect Fathers day gift!!!
-
:plus:
-
:plus: too
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if someone could make me laugh, i'd be very grateful.
-
if someone could make me laugh, i'd be very grateful.
I love you.
-
yep, that'll do it. :laugh:
i may have to sue, though, for damages to my lower jaw, which i dislocated when it dropped at the sheer suspension of disbelief that required.
-
if someone could make me laugh, i'd be very grateful.
I love you.
:LMAO: :plus:
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if someone could make me laugh, i'd be very grateful.
I love you.
:LMAO: :plus:
Ditto. Brilliant.
-
here's one for ya then...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWvAznIRVLA
I wanna be a Dark Elf :D
-
that guy's accent just pissed in my ears.
-
lol :naruto4: glad to help
-
i dunno why. did he grow up all over or something? or do some people actually talk like that in one area? the twilight zone? very annoying. i sometimes like accent combos but that was terrible.
-
here's one for ya then...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWvAznIRVLA
I wanna be a Dark Elf :D
who the fuck is that knob?! :o
-
here's one for ya then...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWvAznIRVLA
I wanna be a Dark Elf :D
who the fuck is that knob?! :o
Sounds like he's from the West Country.
Ooh arr, mein fuhrer.
-
here's one for ya then...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWvAznIRVLA
I wanna be a Dark Elf :D
Warhammer makes me sick.
But only a little.
-
OK, so I was looking at apartment ads today, and several said "No pets, no smoking." That lead my dad to ask, "Does your cat smoke?"
Me: "Only when I set him on fire."
(As for me, I only smoke after sex.
And then, only if I ran out of KY.)
-
OK, so I was looking at apartment ads today, and several said "No pets, no smoking." That lead my dad to ask, "Does your cat smoke?"
Me: "Only when I set him on fire."
(As for me, I only smoke after sex.
And then, only if I ran out of KY.)
:LMAO:
-
:naruto4: +1
-
Britney Spears metal covers. (http://infostore.org/info/2944242) Some are death metal. You may die laughing.
-
From a Catholic school teacher's memoirs:
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom while the children were drawing.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shalt not kill."
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael; he's a doctor."
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of an elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was
a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
-
Why some men wear earrings:
A farmer was at a diner one day having lunch when he noticed an old friend. What really caught his attention was that this friend was wearing an earring.
The farmer knew his old buddy to be a fairly conservative fellow, and was curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
The farmer walked up to him and said, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," the fellow replied sheepishly.
The farmer was silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity got the best of him and he asked "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck," the man replied.
-
A country doctor wanted to go hunting but couldn't afford to close down his clinic for a day, so he asked his assistant to cover for him. When the doctor returned, he asked Jim how it went. Jim said, "Well, Doc, I only had three patients. The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol." "Excellent, that's exactly right. How about the second?" "The second one had a stomach ache so I gave him Maalox." "Bravo. Good job. What about the third patient?" "Well, doc, this woman came in, stripped down naked, laid down on the table, spread her legs, and shouted, 'Help! I haven't seen a man in five years!'" "Good god, Jim! What did you do?" asked the doctor. "I put drops in her eyes!"
-
Quite strangely, the television studio suddenly fell silent:
-
:LMAO: +
-
Dog days of summer.
-
A country doctor wanted to go hunting but couldn't afford to close down his clinic for a day, so he asked his assistant to cover for him. When the doctor returned, he asked Jim how it went. Jim said, "Well, Doc, I only had three patients. The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol." "Excellent, that's exactly right. How about the second?" "The second one had a stomach ache so I gave him Maalox." "Bravo. Good job. What about the third patient?" "Well, doc, this woman came in, stripped down naked, laid down on the table, spread her legs, and shouted, 'Help! I haven't seen a man in five years!'" "Good god, Jim! What did you do?" asked the doctor. "I put drops in her eyes!"
+
-
Jurisprudence fetishists get off on technicalities.
-
Jurisprudence fetishists get off on technicalities.
Heheh
-
(http://i108.piczo.com/view/n/r/4/9/0/v/4/q/c/u/p/img/i197440750_52004_2.jpg)
-
INDEED.
(http://www.sg1france.com/im/phtealc.jpg)
-
Hallowed are the Ori...
(http://images-007.cdn.piczo.com/i18/view/n/r/4/9/0/v/4/q/c/u/p/img/i141950688_49644_2.jpg)
-
DARTH BADGER
(http://i108.piczo.com/view/n/r/4/9/0/v/4/q/c/u/p/img/i197460357_4606_2.jpg)
-
Darth.
-
aha was wondering why it appeared then disappeared lol
-
(http://i108.piczo.com/view/n/r/4/9/0/v/4/q/c/u/p/img/i197440750_52004_2.jpg)
LOL!
-
GRANDMOTHERS DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,
"Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?"
She was a little taken aback, but recognizing that things are different from when she grew up, she decided to just tell him the truth.
"It's called sexual intercourse, darling."Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK, thanks" and went back outside to play with the other kids.
She watched him go and just shoook her head, wondering what she had been worried about. A few minutes later he came stomping back in and said angrily,
"Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds, you got me in trouble and Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you. "
-
Two sign carrying beggars were standing next to the road, near the Mexican border on opposite sides of the street. Juan gets about four dollars per day begging, but continues to see Jose, who stands on the other side of the road, leaving everyday with his pockets full of ten dollar bills. He asks to trade sides one day and the same thing happened. Finally, Juan approaches Jose and asks what his secret is.
Look at your sign. It says "Out of work. I have nine kids and a wife to support. Please, help." Look at mine. Juan admits that his cousin made his sign and he can't read English. Juan asks, "What does your sign say?"
Mine says: "My family only needs to get ten more dollars so we can afford to move back to Mexico."
-
"Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds, you got me in trouble and Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you. "
i saw that coming a mile away.
-
(http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/8/86/Roid_rage.gif)
(http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/3/3b/BenoitTime.jpg)
(http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/e/e9/Chris_Coffin.jpg)
(http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/3/3f/Benoit.gif)
(http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y132/Livedog/guam.jpg)[/quote]
These all made me laugh. I felt bad, then I looked at them again.. and laughed some more.
-
I am glad to be taking an antiepileptic for that first one.
That third one made me laugh.
-
eheheheheee roid-rage :laugh:
-
I am glad to be taking an antiepileptic for that first one.
That third one made me laugh.
I Adblocked the first one in less than two seconds. It was too much for me, too.
-
i don't get it. did benoit strangle his kids?
-
i don't get it. did benoit strangle his kids?
He smothered his 7 year old son who was mentally disabled to death and left a bible next to his bed. The day before he strangled his wife (kid's mother) and then afterwards watched wrestling with his son. He hung himself after all of this.
-
i don't get it. did benoit strangle his kids?
He smothered his 7 year old son who was mentally disabled to death and left a bible next to his bed. The day before he strangled his wife (kid's mother) and then afterwards watched wrestling with his son. He hung himself after all of this.
Article:
http://www.newsvine.com/_news/2007/06/26/803231-benoit-strangled-wife-smothered-son
-
WOW!
-
nice pentagram alex.
-
cotton reels are fun !!!
-
Please humor me as I regress into childhood......
Ahem ....... (sung to the tune of row, row, row, your boat)
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck a duck, screw a kangaroo!!
Fingerbang an orangutan, support your local zoo!!
-
Please humor me as I regress into childhood......
Ahem ....... (sung to the tune of row, row, row, your boat)
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck a duck, screw a kangaroo!!
Fingerbang an orangutan, support your local zoo!!
Nah, Bullshit. Ya gotta record it. Post a link.
-
what a great song!!!
-
http://www.funny-tshirts.biz/customer/home.php?cat=249
-
:plus:
i want the Vandelay shirt!!! 8)
and "i piss excellence" :laugh:
and clone one :laugh:
and the bong one :laugh:
and the ebaygay one :laugh:
and the clown shirt, omg :o
and the why choose shirt :laugh:
and the opinion shirt :laugh:
omg there's so many... i'm starting to nod off...
-
:plus:
i want the Vandelay shirt!!! 8)
and "i piss excellence" :laugh:
and clone one :laugh:
and the bong one :laugh:
and the ebaygay one :laugh:
and the clown shirt, omg :o
and the why choose shirt :laugh:
and the opinion shirt :laugh:
omg there's so many... i'm starting to nod off...
I actually went through all of them.
I'm a loser like that. :)
-
i will go through them too after a break. :P i'm just really tired, i can't even concentrate on BB live anymore, especially now that Seány's gone.
-
(http://www.tshirthell.com/shirts/products/a943/a943_bm.gif)
-
makes a change from the other way round... ::)
-
(http://www.tshirthell.com/shirts/products/a943/a943_bm.gif)
That's sexy.
-
(http://www.tshirthell.com/shirts/products/a943/a943_bm.gif)
That's sexy.
no no, PMS, you're wrong - it's not. honestly.
-
(http://www.tshirthell.com/shirts/products/a943/a943_bm.gif)
That's sexy.
no no, PMS, you're wrong - it's not. honestly.
*Wishes he had worn a different shirt today*
-
(http://www.tshirthell.com/shirts/products/a943/a943_bm.gif)
That's sexy.
no no, PMS, you're wrong - it's not. honestly.
*Wishes he had worn a different shirt today*
Flip it around backwards or, maybe better, take what ever energy you saved from using a teh shitty car and put that energy towards deciding which direction you want to measure that huge dick of yours in and you could make it work for you.
-
if it's that big, you'd have to bend it in half, anyway. no peritonitis here, thank you very much.
-
http://www.funny-tshirts.biz/customer/home.php?cat=249
That site is great! :plus:
"Heck is where people go who don't believe in gosh."
"The Big Bang Theory: And God said, "Pulleth my Finger.""
-
"The Big Bang Theory: And God said, "Pulleth my Finger.""
omg is that a tee shirt? :laugh:
i should finish checking out the rest.
-
(http://www.tshirthell.com/shirts/products/a943/a943_bm.gif)
That's sexy.
no no, PMS, you're wrong - it's not. honestly.
OK, fine, but it gives me penis envy and makes me want a time machine, so that I could wear that teeshirt for the two years I had to endure the capriciousness of a dying Dodge Spirit.
-
Some of you guys have to fine these funny:
http://tv.truenuff.com/mac/
It ain't called the Geek Syndrome for nothin'.
-
if it's that big, you'd have to bend it in half, anyway. no peritonitis here, thank you very much.
Rather than measuring mine in the three typical dimensions (yards, acres, gallons) I have begun to measure mine in time, since using the other measurements seems so common. Besides, it would seem so unspectacular if measured in acres.
-
Some of you guys have to fine these funny:
http://tv.truenuff.com/mac/
It ain't called the Geek Syndrome for nothin'.
I've seen all of those, and I did find them most amusing, For I am a Geek. :D
-
Some of you guys have to fine these funny:
http://tv.truenuff.com/mac/
It ain't called the Geek Syndrome for nothin'.
I've seen all of those, and I did find them most amusing, For I am a Geek. :D
I just went through and watched all of them. I kind of hate myself. I also feel kind of attracted to PCs and Macs now.
-
Why would you hate yourself? Feel free to let the inner-geek roam!
-
(http://www.therealtabularasa.com/images/teletubbies.jpg)
-
:laugh:
i LIKE!
-
INDEED! :laugh:
-
I'm not sure what's funnier, one of our scuzzy fuckers defiling another town's streets, or the prissy write up. >:D
From yesterday's local paper:
Defecated on street
A ________ man caught with his trousers down was arrested when he defecated in full view of a female police worker.
Burnley magistrates heard how unemployed Andrew Woolley, 55, of Crescent View, _________, had gone into Colne Police Station asking to use the toilet but was refused permission.
He proceeded to defecate behind a bench in front of the station in Craddock Road. <snip>
Elizabeth Reed, prosecuting, said Woolley had asked to use the lavatory but the assistant explained they were not open to the public.
The defendant said nearby toilets were closed. He then went outside and took down his pants right outside the woman's office window. Police arrested him at the scene last Friday with his trousers round his ankles.
:rofl:
'Its like that eh? reight then, ah'll fuckin show thee' :poop: :poop: :poop:
-
A conversation about Lit's backdoor preference has inspired me to a tasteless quip.
A young girl was getting married, with only a partial of her mothers blessing to Mr. Tiligiuos. The mother knew she was powerless to stop her daughter from marrying this man, who she did not trust from his previous reputation. Being a good mother, her advice was to watch out for him to make certain requests of her.
About two years of married bliss passes and one day the request finally comes that her mother had warned her about. The young, loyal wife said, "NO!" and a confused Mr. Tiligious expected an explanation of her continued refusal. "My mother warned me that this day would come and that I should not allow you to do what you are suggesting," she told him. "All I asked you to do was turn over in bed," he replied. "And the answer is still, NO," she insists.
He tries again, "But Darling, we have been married for over two years and things are going so well, I thought we could start a family."
:LMAO:
(Sorry, it was just too easy!)
-
:rofl: nice one. 'Mr Tiligious' :P
-
A conversation about Lit's backdoor preference has inspired me to a tasteless quip.
A young girl was getting married, with only a partial of her mothers blessing to Mr. Tiligiuos. The mother knew she was powerless to stop her daughter from marrying this man, who she did not trust from his previous reputation. Being a good mother, her advice was to watch out for him to make certain requests of her.
About two years of married bliss passes and one day the request finally comes that her mother had warned her about. The young, loyal wife said, "NO!" and a confused Mr. Tiligious expected an explanation of her continued refusal. "My mother warned me that this day would come and that I should not allow you to do what you are suggesting," she told him. "All I asked you to do was turn over in bed," he replied. "And the answer is still, NO," she insists.
He tries again, "But Darling, we have been married for over two years and things are going so well, I thought we could start a family."
:LMAO:
(Sorry, it was just too easy!)
:plus:
-
I don't get it
-
I don't get it
Mr. Tiligious has a preference for anal sex. He got married to a young, inexperienced girl, whose mother warned her not to just take anal sex and told her that he would ask for her to "turn over" someday. The joke is that when he asked for her to turn over, he had been assfucking her from the beginning. It just occurred to me and I thought it was funny. If you have seen some of his posts, you would get a better view of the humour.
-
I don't get it
Mr. Tiligious has a preference for anal sex. He got married to a young, inexperienced girl, whose mother warned her not to just take anal sex and told her that he would ask for her to "turn over" someday. The joke is that when he asked for her to turn over, he had been assfucking her from the beginning. It just occurred to me and I thought it was funny. If you have seen some of his posts, you would get a better view of the humour.
In that case I misinterpreted it. I thought the mother didn't want the girl to have vaginal sex because she didn't want Tiligious to knock the daughter up. (which by the way actually makes more sense, consdering the fact that rear-entry can still be vaginal.)
-
If you can figure out how to make something funny you should do it, regardless of what is meant from the beginning.
Your interpretation is certainly more farsighted for the mom's part.
-
A conversation about Lit's backdoor preference has inspired me to a tasteless quip.
A young girl was getting married, with only a partial of her mothers blessing to Mr. Tiligiuos. The mother knew she was powerless to stop her daughter from marrying this man, who she did not trust from his previous reputation. Being a good mother, her advice was to watch out for him to make certain requests of her.
About two years of married bliss passes and one day the request finally comes that her mother had warned her about. The young, loyal wife said, "NO!" and a confused Mr. Tiligious expected an explanation of her continued refusal. "My mother warned me that this day would come and that I should not allow you to do what you are suggesting," she told him. "All I asked you to do was turn over in bed," he replied. "And the answer is still, NO," she insists.
He tries again, "But Darling, we have been married for over two years and things are going so well, I thought we could start a family."
:LMAO:
(Sorry, it was just too easy!)
This joke usually has a Greek husband, but ...... same difference.
-
So, it's not original, sorry. Usually I'm late to the punchbowl, too.
-
Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? (http://www.columbia.edu/cu/augustine/arch/omnibus.html)
-
Who loves their energy drinks?
Try POWERTHIRST! (http://youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs)
-
:rofl:
:plus:
-
:plus: GA. That was HORRIBLE.
-
(http://www.neophi.com/home/danielr/fun/dalmation.gif)
-
Who loves their energy drinks?
Try POWERTHIRST! (http://youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs)
:LMAO:
:plus:
-
http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/
>:D
-
http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/
>:D
I saw that one awhile back. It's hysterical.
-
A little laugh: www.willitblend.com (http://www.willitblend.com)Click on the iphone one to see it diced!
-
http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/
>:D
:LMAO:
the narration is the killer.
"...WORLD-du-du-du-du-du-du!"
you bastert!
-
I can't get "Quicktime" to work on my machine, so I can't hear it, but it's still funny. It also seems familiar.
:laugh:
-
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/pages/mostpopular.html
-
I still laugh hysterically every time I hear that reading of the breakup letter. A case could be made that it should be shown to high school students in English classes, if only to make the point that if you don't have a decent grasp of the English language, you will sound like an idiot.
-
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willie.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of blackmen in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
"In fact, "he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gaymen in contemporary society."
After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery ?" asked the couple.
"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."
-
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter
being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was
wonderful.
He asked the waiter,
"What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied,
"Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro,
bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy"!
The cowboy said,
"What the heck, bring me an order".
The waiter replied,
"I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is
only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order,
we will be sure to save you this delicacy".
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening
was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said,
"These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday".
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied,
"Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins".
-
An old one, but it is now more relevant than ever ...
-
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very
attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his
watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any underwear......."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
The man replied, "Damn thing must be running an hour fast."
-
How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food
-
is that last one funny? i thought it was more insightful, myself.
;)
-
I would say that some of the posts in that "What Women want from a man" thing are a little juxtaposed, and possibly mutially exclusive.
-
is that last one funny? i thought it was more insightful, myself.
;)
Absolutely.
A moment of eureka can be very funny.
;)
-
lol.
:-*
-
i love the condom one.
-
is that last one funny? i thought it was more insightful, myself.
;)
Absolutely.
A moment of eureka can be very funny.
;)
Only question is, do you more pity the person who needs so much to be happy, or do you pity the person who has to do so much to get the little it takes to make HIM happy? :laugh:
-
Maybe this? I don't know if this has been posted but bear with me here. :)
http://pbfcomics.com/
-
I like. :green: :plus:
-
is that last one funny? i thought it was more insightful, myself.
;)
Absolutely.
A moment of eureka can be very funny.
;)
Only question is, do you more pity the person who needs so much to be happy, or do you pity the person who has to do so much to get the little it takes to make HIM happy? :laugh:
They are both pathetic creatures and should be wiped from the face of the earth, except for a few token examples.
-
(http://63.135.123.142/_media/imgs/articles/a81_g15.jpg)
(http://63.135.123.142/_media/imgs/articles/a81_g4.jpg)
The graffiti removal one is pretty funny...
-
I hear it's amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space, with the tuning fork, does a raw blink on hari-kari rock. I need Scissors! 61!
-
I hear it's amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space, with the tuning fork, does a raw blink on hari-kari rock. I need Scissors! 61!
:agreed:
-
huh. it's all very well for you to say that. >:(
-
Indeed
-
i like the graffiti picture. it's self-ironic. or stuff.
-
How about I put a my used condom on your head? :-*
Oh god, can't keep quite in the libary. Hungry and horny.
-
you're making me sweaty. :-*
-
How about I put a my used condom on your head? :-*
Oh god, can't keep quite in the libary. Hungry and horny.
Because they keep throwing you out?
-
:plus:
-
http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/
>:D
I was actually cying with laughter during that
-
(http://drawn.ca/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2007/01/matthammill.jpg)
(http://fminus.net/images/webmonkeyfart.jpg)
-
The bottom one is fucking hilarious. I can see me doing that. :LMAO:
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/collecting_double_takes.png)
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thoughts.png)
-
XKCD! :D
-
poor semi-hound.
what is that jelly joke about?
-
poor semi-hound.
what is that jelly joke about?
KY Jelly is a lubricant, making sex, or other forms of penetration easier. He's standing in the Vegetable isle looking contemplatively at the items whilst holding the KY Jelly.
-
i get it. :laugh: i'd go for the cucumber.
-
i get it. :laugh: i'd go for the cucumber.
Do you remove the little prickles first or go natural?
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/collecting_double_takes.png)
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thoughts.png)
:LMAO:
but i've actually DONE that! well, without the KY, though.
i get it. :laugh: i'd go for the cucumber.
you're better off with courgettes. trust me on this. ;)
-
The zucchini in my garden are getting quite large.
-
No-once fancy trying out a marrow then? :laugh:
-
The zucchini in my garden are getting quite large.
is that a euphemism for your knob going big? :P
:eyebrows:
-
No-once fancy trying out a marrow then? :laugh:
/goes quite, quite pale...
*wince*
-
+ Tesla for the veggie one. :LMAO:
-
i don't think i could fit a zucchini. :P think of the girth. :P
-
i don't think i could fit a zucchini. :P think of the girth. :P
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
oops, sorry - i was thinking of the girth. :-[
-
:laugh: what you think i have some gaping hole down there? :P tut.
-
the whole point of spending ages getting funny looks in greengrocers/supermarkets is that you select ones to fit, silly.
depends on the effect you require, obviously. :eyebrows:
-
No-once fancy trying out a marrow then? :laugh:
/goes quite, quite pale...
*wince*
I had to look up what a marrow was... this is the first picture I found:
(http://www.bigpumpkins.com/Gallery/GalleryImg/DSCF0680.JPG)
-
now you know why i winced.
:laugh:
-
Damn I thought a normal sized marrow sounded painful enough, but that one makes my eyes pop out :o
-
made my bloody cervix pop out. of my nose.
(ouch! smiley please!)
-
Indeed. Not to mention the texture of the the thing....
-
yes, thank you. moving right along, now, please.
how about answering this:
(she said, desperately trying to change the subject...)
The zucchini in my garden are getting quite large.
is that a euphemism for your knob going big? :P
:eyebrows:
-
the whole point of spending ages getting funny looks in greengrocers/supermarkets is that you select ones to fit, silly.
depends on the effect you require, obviously. :eyebrows:
yes so i would go with the cucumber. :laugh:
-
too long. you'll rupture something.
-
i can always snap it in half. :P
-
i am SO glad i knew what you're referring to.
:rofl:
-
yes, thank you. moving right along, now, please.
how about answering this:
(she said, desperately trying to change the subject...)
The zucchini in my garden are getting quite large.
is that a euphemism for your knob going big? :P
:eyebrows:
Before or after reading your email?
-
LOL.
after, preferably. :-*
-
LOL.
after, preferably. :-*
After reading your email... My basil is going to seed.
-
LOL.
after, preferably. :-*
After reading your email... My basil is going to seed.
best check it again, in a couple of minutes, then - we could be talking major horticulture.
:eyelash: :-*
-
i think i have a little S/M dominatrix inside me. :P i have this thing about snapping phallic objects in half.
-
do it online - you can earn a fortune!
someone i know (sort of) does - want a link?
-
um, no. i have enough accidental porn sites on my log. :laugh:
what does she "sort of" do?
-
lol. no, i "sort of" know her - she's a friend of a friend, sort of thing. she's an online dom.
-
oh. :laugh:
-
i think i have a little S/M dominatrix inside me. :P i have this thing about snapping phallic objects in half.
:yikes:
-
:eyebrows: mwah mwah mwahaha
-
Here's one my husband told me:
Q) Why do computer scientists mistake Halloween and Christmas?
A) Because OCT 31 = DEC 25
-
Here's one my husband told me:
Q) Why do computer scientists mistake Halloween and Christmas?
A) Because OCT 31 = DEC 25
:plus:
-
does not get it.
-
bases, hon, i think. it's maths - don't worry about it.
-
yeah that's what my brain use to say to me in math class. :P
-
OCT refers to a "Base Eight" number system or Octal. And DEC refers to a "Base Ten" number system or Decimal. We commonly use decimal for all our numbers. Decimal goes 0-9 and then adds the next digit (1) and starts again and so on. So 0-9 10-19-20-100-1000 etc.
Octal on the another hand goes 0-7, so eight digits. After seven it would go 10 all the way up to 17. So 0-7 10-17-20-70-100-700-1000 etc.
The number 25 in the Decimal system is equal to the number 31 in the Octal system.
There are four number systems that I know of (there is surely more.
Decimal, Base 10. 0-9
Octal, Base 8. 0-7
Binary, Base 2, 0-1
And Hexadecimal. That's base 16. 0-F. 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D,E,F After F is 10 all the way to 1F. If you thought Octal was confusing try translating Binary numbers in to Hex and back again... I had to do that for a networking course I did.
-
cool, thanks
-
(http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive/phd071307s.gif)
(http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive/phd0106.gif)
(http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive/phd010704s.gif)
-
The girl in the last one was a nerd. :D
OK, here's a math joke my mom told me:
What's the square root of sixty-nine?
Eight something.
:)
-
(http://www.math.nyu.edu/~muller/math_joke_findx.jpg)
-
(http://www.math.nyu.edu/~muller/math_joke_findx.jpg)
:LMAO: :plus:
-
don't laugh. i get things like that all the time... :laugh:
-
Do you get things like this:
(http://web.mit.edu/mna/Public/math4.gif)
-
(http://beconfused.com/images/2007/01/no-there-is-an-elephant-in-the-way.jpg)
-
Do you get things like this:
only occasionally, sadly. i've seen all three on this page, though - examiners tend to share howlers. :eyebrows:
-
(http://beconfused.com/images/2007/01/no-there-is-an-elephant-in-the-way.jpg)
The best thing in that question is the frictionless ramp, i love it when they say assume no friction.
As for the exam howlers, check the examiners reports, they are full of them...
-
The girl in the last one was a nerd. :D
OK, here's a math joke my mom told me:
What's the square root of sixty-nine?
Eight something.
:)
:laugh:
-
(http://www.malfunctionjunction.net/comics/01292007.gif)
This is one of my favourite maths jokes:
(http://www.math.tulane.edu/~cogan/joke_1.jpg)
-
As for the exam howlers, check the examiners reports, they are full of them...
sigh... do pay attention, hadron. i write those reports. ::)
and renaeden - the second one made me lol. :laugh: :plus:
-
The girl in the last one was a nerd. :D
OK, here's a math joke my mom told me:
What's the square root of sixty-nine?
Eight something.
:)
:laugh:
Oh I love it! Bless your Mum.
Can't wait to tell my Dad!
-
As for the exam howlers, check the examiners reports, they are full of them...
sigh... do pay attention, hadron. i write those reports. ::)
and renaeden - the second one made me lol. :laugh: :plus:
You never said you were a senior examiner, just that you mark papers. Surprisingly I know the system too.
-
obviously not - the senior examiner's reports are compiled to include a collation of reports from all examiners.
-
This is one of my favourite maths jokes:
:laugh: I used to do that... I was just shy of the best grade in my calculus 3 class, yet I still don't know my multiplication tables.
-
This is one of my favourite maths jokes:
:laugh: I used to do that... I was just shy of the best grade in my calculus 3 class, yet I still don't know my multiplication tables.
I don't know my multiplication tables either. But then I'm dyscalculic. I can't remember my own phone number if I don't have it written down on a scrap of paper in my wallet. I have no problems mentally retaining large portions of text, though.
It's too bad Dyscalculia wasn't an established diagnosis when I was in elementary school (and later on, as well), since my lack of math skills made me pretty much be labelled as an idiot by my teachers.
-
obviously not - the senior examiner's reports are compiled to include a collation of reports from all examiners.
Oh right, i never knew that all examiners wrote mini reports, no one mentioned it to me when i was researching how to play the exam system, and i talked to several markers. If someone gave you the job of senior examiner, would you take it Lucifer?
-
i learned the multiplication things well cuz my mom made it fun for me, i didn't learn it at school but at home. mom made it into a game so i could concentrate better.
-
:laugh:
-
i have no idea what that means, but it's hilarious. :laugh:
-
i have no idea what that means, but it's hilarious. :laugh:
Two fingers up the cunt and two fingers up the ass. :laugh:
-
i'll never look at Spock the same. :'( :laugh:
-
It should have said two in the slit, two in the pit and one for the clit ...
-
Not really funny, but a nice paint job.
-
I think this one IS funny.
-
it's hot. :wanker:
-
I think this one IS funny.
I think I know where that is... :o
-
looks like camel toe.
-
my sister has just emailed me this (i've edited it, cos it was looooooong):
> > These are genuine clips from letters sent to the Council Housing Department
> >
> > 2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't
> > take it anymore.
> >
> > 4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my
> > knob off.
> >
> > 6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my
> > fence.
> >
> > 9. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and
> > fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
> >
> > 10. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
> >
> > 11. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50 % are just
> > plain filthy.
> >
> > 13. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
> > cleared.
> >
> > 14. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and
> > not fit to drink
> >
> > 15. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
> >
> > 16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
> > unsightly and dangerous.
> >
> > 17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third
> > so please send someone round to do something about it.
> >
> > 18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do
> > something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
> >
> > 19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my
> > wife.
> >
> > 21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get
> > BBC2.
:LMAO:
-
my sister has just emailed me this (i've edited it, cos it was looooooong):
> > These are genuine clips from letters sent to the Council Housing Department
> >
> > 2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't
> > take it anymore.
> >
> > 4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my
> > knob off.
> >
> > 6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my
> > fence.
> >
> > 9. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and
> > fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
> >
> > 10. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
> >
> > 11. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50 % are just
> > plain filthy.
> >
> > 13. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
> > cleared.
> >
> > 14. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and
> > not fit to drink
> >
> > 15. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
> >
> > 16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
> > unsightly and dangerous.
> >
> > 17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third
> > so please send someone round to do something about it.
> >
> > 18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do
> > something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
> >
> > 19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my
> > wife.
> >
> > 21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get
> > BBC2.
:LMAO:
:LMAO:
-
I think this one IS funny.
I think I know where that is... :o
Same. We are going close to where that is on Thursday, if I can I will take a photo from that point.
-
darnit, i meant to say the boob one was hot. i love Crash but i don't jack off to car crashes.
-
darnit, i meant to say the boob one was hot. i love Crash but i don't jack off to car crashes.
Sure sure, we all know your secret fetish ;)
-
darnit, i meant to say the boob one was hot. i love Crash but i don't jack off to car crashes.
I did wonder what was such a turn on about the car crash pic :laugh:
-
darnit, i meant to say the boob one was hot. i love Crash but i don't jack off to car crashes.
I don't jack, either, but I just think some spoiled rich kid having to call Daddy to tell him that he wrecked the Ferrari is hilarious.
I do love the boob hood, though!
-
my sister has just emailed me this (i've edited it, cos it was looooooong):
> > These are genuine clips from letters sent to the Council Housing Department
> >
> > 2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't
> > take it anymore.
> >
> > 4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my
> > knob off.
> >
> > 6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my
> > fence.
> >
> > 9. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and
> > fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
> >
> > 10. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
> >
> > 11. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50 % are just
> > plain filthy.
> >
> > 13. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
> > cleared.
> >
> > 14. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and
> > not fit to drink
> >
> > 15. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
> >
> > 16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
> > unsightly and dangerous.
> >
> > 17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third
> > so please send someone round to do something about it.
> >
> > 18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do
> > something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
> >
> > 19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my
> > wife.
> >
> > 21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get
> > BBC2.
:LMAO:
:LMAO:
-
i'll never look at Spock the same. :'( :laugh:
Attention MCJ!!!!! (Or anyone else with a fair amount of perverse knowledge): We need pics of the teaser, the pleaser, the rocker, the spocker, and the showstopper, stat!!! (I think I might be forgetting one or two of 'em, but I'm 100% certain you'll know what I mean.)
I'd try to find pics myself, but I reeeeaaalllly don't want to do a google search on this topic.
-
(http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u32/Balaoroc/shocker_101.jpg)
-
:plus:
Thank you!
-
I'll add that to my list of things I didn't need to know. :)
-
(http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u32/Balaoroc/shocker_101.jpg)
:plus:
That put you on :69: Tesla. Now let's see how long you stay here before Calandale ruins it.
:laugh:
-
darnit, i meant to say the boob one was hot. i love Crash but i don't jack off to car crashes.
Sure sure, we all know your secret fetish ;)
my secret fetish is James Spader jacking off to car crashes and having sex with a crippled Elias Koteas. :)
-
(http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u32/Balaoroc/shocker_101.jpg)
lol that's funny. :laugh:
-
When you're switching between the Spocker, the Rocker and the Showstopper, do you just forget about the manicure?
-
(http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=985.0;attach=3598;image)
(http://galileoace.com/Misc/carcrash.jpg)
-
??? How did you....
-
darnit, i meant to say the boob one was hot. i love Crash but i don't jack off to car crashes.
Sure sure, we all know your secret fetish ;)
my secret fetish is James Spader jacking off to car crashes and having sex with a crippled Elias Koteas. :)
That movie takes me to a place that is wrong.
-
This (http://www.gorillamask.net/essay.shtml) has probably been posted before. Possibly. If so, I'm sorry. I'm Swedish and everything. Give me a break. Plus, I didn't have the patience to search the entire thread. Sheesh.
Can your minds handle the Greatest Essay Ever Written?
-
??? How did you....
Our psychologist's office is very nearby that location :)
-
This (http://www.gorillamask.net/essay.shtml) has probably been posted before. Possibly. If so, I'm sorry. I'm Swedish and everything. Give me a break. Plus, I didn't have the patience to search the entire thread. Sheesh.
Can your minds handle the Greatest Essay Ever Written?
:LMAO: :plus:
-
Ridin' in the Benzo, poppin' my colla
see sum fine wenchez, I hafta holla
diamonds, gold and the allmighty dolla
I'M OEDIPUS, BITCH, the original balla!
I bust out my 9 to light up yo Impala.
Fuck dat Police!
Oedipus snorted two lines of pure cocaine off of his dead dad.
This is a folk tale. What'd you expect, a goddamn oxy clean commercial?
WHERE IS THE TEXT???
-
darnit, i meant to say the boob one was hot. i love Crash but i don't jack off to car crashes.
Sure sure, we all know your secret fetish ;)
my secret fetish is James Spader jacking off to car crashes and having sex with a crippled Elias Koteas. :)
That movie takes me to a place that is wrong.
oh it's not wrong, it's ever so right. >:D :heart: :drool:
-
I lol'd several times at the Oedipus essay. I still remember that story.
-
This (http://www.gorillamask.net/essay.shtml) has probably been posted before. Possibly. If so, I'm sorry. I'm Swedish and everything. Give me a break. Plus, I didn't have the patience to search the entire thread. Sheesh.
Can your minds handle the Greatest Essay Ever Written?
LLLLOOOOLLLL!!!! :plus:
-
Eh, some random blonde jokes:
>>**BLONDE LOGIC**
>>Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one
>>blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away.. Florida
>>or the moon?"
>>The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida
>>?????"
>>
>>**CAR TROUBLE**** **
>>A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
>>died.
>>After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
>>She says, "What's the story?"
>>He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
>>She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
>>
>>**SPEEDING TICKET**
>>A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if
>>he could see her license.
>>She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
>>Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
>>show it to you!"
>>
>>**RIVER WALK**
>>There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
>>another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I
>>get to the other side?"
>>The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,
>>"You ARE on the other side."
>>
>>**AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE**
>>A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her
>>body hurt wherever she touched it.
>>"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger,
>>pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and
>>screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she
>>pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
>>The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
>>"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
>>"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
>>
>>**KNITTING**
>>A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
>>Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
>>wheel was knitting!
>>Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the
>>trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
>>"PULL OVER!"
>>"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
>>
>>**BLONDE ON THE SUN**
>>A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
>>said, "We were the first in space!"
>>The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
>>The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
>>The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
>>"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
>>To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at
>>night!"
>>
>>**IN A VACUUM**
>>A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn She
>>rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was,
>>"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
>>She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
>>
>>**FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!**
>>A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
>>and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that
>>one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever
>>heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered
>>the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
>>
>
-
:plus:
-
I thought id put some jokes in, hopefully I havent repeated any:
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly ... and for the same reason.
How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
1) "I want a detailed memo about this issue till tomorrow's morning."
2) "You were supposed to have changed that light bulb last week!"
3) "We haven't got a policy on that".
4) "I am on my way to a very important meeting, so we'll discuss it some other time."
5) Three. Two to find out if it needs changing, and one to tell an employee to change it.
Little Johnny came home from school one day and went by his mom's room. The door was open, so he looked in and saw his mom lying on the bed naked moaning and touching herself saying, "Ooh, I need a man! I need a man!"
The next day, Little Johnny got home from school and saw his mom lying on the bed naked with a naked guy on top of her. So Little Johnny ran to his room, stripped down naked, and started to touch himself, while moaning, "Ooh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
Sister Catherine was asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up.
Little Sheila said, "When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!"
Sister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she barked, "What did you say?!"
"A prostitute!" Sheila exclaimed.
Sister Catherine breathed a sight of relief and said "Whew! Thank God! I thought you said 'A Protestant'!"
When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'
They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" exclaims the President.
"It's the Abortion Bill, Mr. President - what do you want to do about it?"
"Just go ahead and pay it."
-
This (http://www.gorillamask.net/essay.shtml) has probably been posted before. Possibly. If so, I'm sorry. I'm Swedish and everything. Give me a break. Plus, I didn't have the patience to search the entire thread. Sheesh.
Can your minds handle the Greatest Essay Ever Written?
LLLLOOOOLLLL!!!! :plus:
Some versions say the rude Laius drove over Oedipus's sore foot, making him lose his temper. This is bull [sic] shit don't believe it or I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU, AND YES THIS IS A WRITTEN THREAT! And that's what Oedipus told his father.
-
(http://www.xes.cx/Frank/kickass6.jpg)
Erk..
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpbmNPnuxfc
-
PRESIDENT IN 2008?
Here we are already discussing the future President of the United States in the Year 2008.
For those of you who would like a choice for President, we have a solution: It is probably time we have a highly qualified woman as President. One choice is a very special lady who has the answers to all our problems.
PLEASE give it a thought when you have a moment...
MAXINE FOR PRESIDENT!
Very eloquently put ... don't you think?
Maxine on "Driver Safety". "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures."...
Maxine on "Housework" "I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible."
Maxine on "Lawn Care" "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless."
Maxine on "The Perfect Man" "All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed."
Maxine on "Technology Revolution" "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice."
Maxine on "Aging" "Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a Margarita."
"I'm telling you ... she's the perfect candidate."
"The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals ."
"The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket."
"To err is human; to forgive, highly unlikely."
"Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos and pierced navels?? (Now that's scary!)"
"Money can't buy happiness--but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than a Kia."
< /FONT>
"After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching somewhere ... you may be dead."
(Maxine is a character from humorous Hallmark cards. She's a crotchety old biddy! ;) )
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com.
-
(http://www.xes.cx/Frank/kickass6.jpg)
Erk..
And the funeral will be when??
-
(http://galileoace.com/Misc/Breast.jpg)
-
This is probably "old news" to some, but I found lots of weird things by following links from Bob and Tom Show (wiki) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bob_and_Tom_Show) website.
Martha Stewart's Prison Diary (http://www.bobfromaccounting.com/marthadiary.html)
B & T jokes page (http://www.bobandtom.com/gen3/jokes1.htm)**
**my favorite:
At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question", noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh", replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes", replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."
"I see!" replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi", he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste", answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."
:rofl:
-
:LMAO:
-
USS Enterprise
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.
Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ENTERPRISE,THE LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
The Writing Assignment
This assignment was actually turned in by two English students:
Rebecca {last name deleted} and Gary {last name deleted}
English 44A SMU
Creative Writing
Prof Miller
In-class Assignment for Wednesday
Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.
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At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
You total $*&.
Stupid %&#$!.
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USS Enterprise
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.
Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ENTERPRISE,THE LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
that's farkin hilarious. ;D :plus:
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:plus: renaeden
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USS Enterprise
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.
Yeah, just like the cactus which was so full of spiders that it exploded belonged to an ACTUAL person. Fucking navy. They get billions of our tax dollars a year and they still don't have the technology to differentiate between a lighthouse and a mobile ship.
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Holy shit I am going to have to send that to some of my friends in the navy. I am sure they have already heard about it, just doing it to rub it in and poke fun at them as usual.
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Proper use of the “F†word.
When is @#$% acceptable ?
There are only eleven times in history when the “Fâ€word has been considered acceptable for use.
They are as follows:
11. “What the @#$% do you mean, we are sinking?â€
– Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912
10. “What the @#$% was that?â€
– Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945
9. “Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?â€
– Custer, 1877
8. “Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that.â€
– Einstein, 1938
7. “It does so @#$ %ing look like her!â€
– Picasso, 1926
6. “How the @#$% did you work that out?â€
– Pythagoras, 126 BC
5. “You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?â€
– Michelangelo, 1566
4. “Where the @#$% are we?â€
– Amelia Earhart, 1937
3. “Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!â€
– Noah, 4314 BC
2. “Aw c’mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?â€
– Bill Clinton, 1998
and a drum roll please…………!
1. “Geez, I didn’t think they’d get this @%#*^ing mad.â€
– Saddam Hussein, 2003
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:plus:
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:laugh:
(http://207.199.174.56/img/hZYHVShotp_scissorsbeatpaperhg3.jpg)
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heheheh :D
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:laugh:
(http://207.199.174.56/img/hZYHVShotp_scissorsbeatpaperhg3.jpg)
:LMAO:
:plus:
Is this thread over?
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Snopes did debunk the USS enterprise myth BTW- but it's still funny as fuck.
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Couples who shouldn't hyphenate their names:
(http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/7b7406afc11a2926dd070d75cf7ac2f96cc27f0b)
(http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/f775ef80172f3639f0a4b81a9f1fa28c1757f42f)
(http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/2abcc47698385116924f7842f0cd354d2e708660)
(http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/08c70f206de62935bf0b1d201b85d9a8df3ab769)
(http://llnw.content.jibjab.com/content/a4d153155615c3df8ebc79665f96be260484173d)
I am sure whoever has to sort this out wishes they took a sick day instead:
(http://aycu03.webshots.com/image/23322/2003038162119013809_rs.jpg)
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lmao, traylor hooker
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After reading through some of the worst sex experience ever posts on B3ta, I just had to share this one. :laugh:
shagged a guy from work, whom she'd been after for ages. all went well, great sex, lovely guy. in the morning she had the day off and he didn't. but despite him being really sweet and telling her to have a lie in and even bringing her tea and toast in bed, she was desperate for him to leave.
because she was even more desperate to go to the toilet but couldn't bring herself to do it whilst he was there. she lay in stomach cramping agony whilst he had a leisurely shower, shave, cleaned his teeth, sat on the edge of the bed to chat. all the time feeling as if she were about to soil herself and his nice bed.
eventually he left. result! helen dived for the bathroom and released a killer richard the third. but relief was swiftly followed by disaster. so inflated and swollen was this richard (she blamed the delay in releasing it into the wild for its size and stench) that it refused to disappear. shit. shit. literally.
so helen mashed it up with the toilet brush, but it still wouldn't flush. by this point she was beginning to panic. he had said his flatmate, who worked nights, would be home at 10 and it was almost that now. in a frantic hurry, she scooped the whole disgusting mess out of the bowl and wrapped it in toilet roll. she decided to dump it, no pun intended, in the nearest dustbin.
problem solved, she gathered her stuff together, and headed for the door. then thought it would be sweet to leave him a little note. she set everything down, rummaged in her bag, found paper and pen. "you were amazing, see you tomorrow, h xx" she wrote.
then picked up her bag and happily left the flat.
only after she was standing on the street, on the wrong side of two yale locks, did she remember she had left the wrapped up pile of turd mash right next to the note.......
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:LMAO: :plus:
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that's so gross :laugh: tsk tsk
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A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.
His horse has already died of thirst.
He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath - when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case.
He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.
She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull gray dress.
There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
"Well, cowboy," says the genie! ... "You know how I work. You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this", said the cowboy. "I'm not going to trust an
IRS genie."
She smiled and said, "What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
He said, "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
The genie said, "OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare
gold coins and precious gems.
The genie said, "OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish.
Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says.. "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."
***POOF***
He turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.
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(http://aycu03.webshots.com/image/23322/2003038162119013809_rs.jpg)
I LOVE this.
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:LMAO:
:plus: Thagomizer
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(http://www.b3tards.com/u/a609ede35986cfd048a1/safe-sex-condom-staple.jpg)
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:LMAO: Is that from b3ta by any chance?
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Indeed it was. :eyebrows:
as was this one:
(http://www.b3ta.cr3ation.co.uk/data/jpg/lolipoplady.jpg)
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:LMAO: at both!
:plus:
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:lol:
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at this point, i feel this one needs repeating...
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:plus: for still being funny. :laugh:
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^Those were hilarious!
LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE
Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your
nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Laws of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.
Any small, extremely expensive part that is
accidentally dropped, will disappear from view...
forever.
Law of probability:
The probability of being watched is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get
a busy signal.
Bath Theorum:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the
telephone rings.
Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a
machine won't work, it will.
Theatre Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest
from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,
your boss will ask you to do something which
will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they
will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing
face down on a floor covering are directly correlated
to the cleanliness (newness) and cost of the carpet/rug.
Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like,
they will stop making it.
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Those are not funny at all!
To much truth, there.
:laugh:
:plus:
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I saw a van tonight with the words "I'm straight so please don't rear end me" on the back of it.
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A guide to smiling for aspies:
http://www.basicinstructions.net/images/37smile.gif
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:plus: pm.
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(http://trushel.disted.camosun.bc.ca/jokes/mathho2.jpg)
(http://web.mit.edu/dmredish/www/wwwMLRF/links/Humor/TrekSimpsons.gif)
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How do you people add images from files without having to use photobucket, url's, etc.?
Well, looks like I don't have to go to Spokane anymore because I found out there is a Spokane near me about a mile away. Here:
(http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i156/likedcalico/Portland/53405655.jpg)
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When you make a post there is a link under where you type the text that says 'additional options', if you click on this it gives you the option to load an image from your computer to Intensity's server. (Just hit 'browse' and find the right file on your computer).
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>:D
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:LMAO:
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when i was 18 i knew everything also. anybody else remember being 18 and a know it all?
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When you make a post there is a link under where you type the text that says 'additional options', if you click on this it gives you the option to load an image from your computer to Intensity's server. (Just hit 'browse' and find the right file on your computer).
Thanks. Now I don't have to use photobucket anymore.
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when i was 18 i knew everything also. anybody else remember being 18 and a know it all?
SG, you are cute, but it was Hadron's post that made me laugh. :laugh:
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When you make a post there is a link under where you type the text that says 'additional options', if you click on this it gives you the option to load an image from your computer to Intensity's server. (Just hit 'browse' and find the right file on your computer).
Thanks. Now I don't have to use photobucket anymore.
Not a problem :)
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when i was 18 i knew everything also. anybody else remember being 18 and a know it all?
SG, you are cute, but it was Hadron's post that made me laugh. :laugh:
Which one? I was under the impression that I made more than one post :laugh:
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when i was 18 i knew everything also. anybody else remember being 18 and a know it all?
SG, you are cute, but it was Hadron's post that made me laugh. :laugh:
Damn.
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when i was 18 i knew everything also. anybody else remember being 18 and a know it all?
I'm 24 and still a know it all.
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I drove my last BF crazy when I always had to be right and I whenever I thought I was right, I had to prove it to him and it drove him crazy too. To him he thought I was self centered but everyone else I know say it doesn't make me self centered.
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I don't know everything. I'm just verbose and tend to come off sounding more pretentious than I mean to. I try to counteract that by swearing like a sailor.
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at this point, i feel this one needs repeating...
Taken from one of your classes?
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When you make a post there is a link under where you type the text that says 'additional options', if you click on this it gives you the option to load an image from your computer to Intensity's server. (Just hit 'browse' and find the right file on your computer).
Thanks. Now I don't have to use photobucket anymore.
Not a problem :)
Maybe I'll remember, some day.
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I don't know everything. I'm just verbose and tend to come off sounding more pretentious than I mean to. I try to counteract that by swearing like a sailor.
I used to do that.
Now that I'm stupider,
I don't need to.
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Milla's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two boys in a locker room,
one of the boys will give the other a wank. :police:
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Milla's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two boys in a locker room,
one of the boys will give the other a wank. :police:
No WONDER I feared gym class.
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(http://www.bentoandstarchky.com/doodles/pugs.bmp)
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Ooh let the choice comments flow.
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:laugh:
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(http://www.bentoandstarchky.com/doodles/pugs2.bmp)
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:plus: PI
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oh that's such a crying shame, she looks just like a woman. :laugh: should prolly photoshop the nuts away.
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Milla's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two boys in a locker room,
one of the boys will give the other a wank. :police:
If both boys are wearing pashminas, then yes... :P
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Someome who lives in the B&J house probably does the same thing as Benny and his friends do in the movie. Getting together and playing 5 card stud betting on items they don't want. Photo taken of the backyard of the house.
(http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i156/likedcalico/Spokane%20pics/53405535.jpg)
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A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof" stores looking for a job. The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid said, "Sure, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I?ll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to see how things went.
"How many sales did you make today?"
The young man replied without hesitating, "One."
The boss said, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid said, "$101,237.64."
The boss said, "$101,237.64?! What the hell did you sell?!"
The kid said, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn?t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Blazer."
Amazed, the boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a truck?"
"No, he came here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mhqaeb_hObY (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mhqaeb_hObY)
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(B&J joke)
How do you kill Sam?
Give him a knife as he is imitating The Prom Queen Multator.
("No Cindy No Cindy." Starts stabbing himself in the chest using his fist as he falls against the jukebox at the diner)
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http://xkcd.com/275/
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDu351QNoZE
It's on my iPod now. :D
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(B&J joke)
How do you kill Sam?
Give him a knife as he is imitating The Prom Queen Multator.
"No Cindy No Cindy." Starts stabbing himself in the chest using his fist as he falls against the jukebox at the diner.
:tumbleweed:
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A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible
>sunburn. He goes to the hospital, and is promptly admitted after being
>diagnosed with second degree burns.
>
>With his skin already starting to blister, and seeing the severe pain he
>is in, the doctor prescribes an IV with saline, electrolytes, a sedative,
>and a Viagra Pill every four hours.
>
>The nurse, who is rather astounded, asks, "What good will Viagra do him,
>Doctor?"
>
>It'll keep the sheets off his legs."
::)
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:laugh:
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explain. ???
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Viagra= erection, which holds the sheets up off his legs.
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Here are some of the more "intriguing" names of spambots I have encountered at The Neurolands and AspergianIsland.
petersongg (Peter, is there something your not telling us?? :eyebrows: )
Boommiganes ???
loavourobar (say that three times fast)
Boupgoorp (sounds like something I ate in the school cafeteria)
NableDok ( :P )
dilldonwol (sounds like something a woman uses when she's bored.)
PIORNEAPARL (three guesses as to what that could be.)
Bobononoll (sounds like a bad anime cartoon title)
dobNomWoday (sounds like fightin words to me! >:( )
Testowys (what does that sound like to you! :eyebrows: )
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A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible
>sunburn. He goes to the hospital, and is promptly admitted after being
>diagnosed with second degree burns.
>
>With his skin already starting to blister, and seeing the severe pain he
>is in, the doctor prescribes an IV with saline, electrolytes, a sedative,
>and a Viagra Pill every four hours.
>
>The nurse, who is rather astounded, asks, "What good will Viagra do him,
>Doctor?"
>
>It'll keep the sheets off his legs."
::)
:plus:
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Here are some of the more "intriguing" names of spambots I have encountered at The Neurolands and AspergianIsland.
petersongg (Peter, is there something your not telling us?? :eyebrows: )
Nothing to do with me.
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.
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:plus:
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Viagra= erection, which holds the sheets up off his legs.
thank you kind ma'am. :laugh: :plus:
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mmm hoffsoap :plus:
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http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=15216090
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(http://img510.imageshack.us/img510/6948/c1vj6.jpg)
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
A penguin goes to get his car fixed…
The mechanic says,†it will be about an hour before we can figure out what’s wrong and fix it, so you can wait in the lobby, or go get some lunch or whatever until then.â€
The penguin decides to go get ice cream. But since he’s a penguin with a beak and all, it’s kind of hard, and he gets ice cream all over his face, that he can’t wipe off due to his flippers not being long enough.
He gets back to the mechanic’s an hour or so later, and when he walks in the mechanic tells him, “You blew a seal.â€
The penguin yells, “No! It’s ice cream, I swear!â€
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:laugh:
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I thought I would have to quote my stepsister regards Polish people...
"They are Polish, but they have been trained to speak English"
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This is about cats and is long.........
Cat Resolutions
I will not run through the house with a condom wrapper in my mouth, especially when my human's grandmother is over.
I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.
I will not sniff at my male human's feet after he takes his shoes off, freeze my mouth open in disgust and then sniff my private parts to compare odors. My female human might find it amusing, but my male human does not appreciate it, especially in front of company.
I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink's drain.
I will not bite my human on the rear while she is sitting on the Big White Drinking Bowl.
I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so my humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.
I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching The X-Files.
I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
I will not drag dirty socks up from the hamper in the middle of the night, deposit them on the bed and yell at the top of my lungs (Bengal LOUD yowling) so that my human can admire my "kill."
I will not knead my male human's groin at 2 a.m. with claws extended. It seems to cause him some discomfort and he wakes up all grumpy.
I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.
I will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over my humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.
Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.
I am a (neutered) cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail fluffed up will not make my balls grow back.
I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
I will not back up off the front porch and fall into the bushes just as my human is explaining to his girlfriend how graceful I am.
I will not complain that my butt is wet and that I am thirsty after sitting in my water bowl.
If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it dissolves in boiling coffee.
When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to have my human open every door so I can check.
Birds do not come from the bird feeder. I will not knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds out.
I will not stuff my rather large self into the rather small bird feeder (with my tail hanging out one side) and expect the birds to just fly in.
The dog can see me coming when I stalk her. She can see me and will move out of the way when I pounce, letting me smash into floors and walls. That does not mean I should take it as a personal insult when my humans sit there and laugh.
Yes, there are still two very large dogs in the backyard. There have been for several years. I don't have to act as if I've just discovered the Demon Horror of the Universe each time one of them appears in my window.
I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.
I will cease my obsession with the box my humans keep their condoms in This box is not for me. I will not knock it on the ground, I will not sit on it, I will not try to scratch it open. Especially when my humans are using the condoms.
I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.
Computer and TV screens do not exist to back light my lovely tail.
I am a walking static generator. My human doesn't need my help installing a new board in her computer.
Any critter that lives in the house (hamsters) stay in the house and any wild critters (frogs and earthworms) stay outside. I am not allowed to set the hamster free in exchange for finding a frog to put in the fish tank.
I will not watch the guinea pig constantly as the guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while.
The goldfish likes living in water and should be allowed to remain in its bowl.
I will not put a live vole in my food bowl and expect it to stay there until I get hungry.
I will not eat spider plants and hallucinate behind the toilet.
I will not drag the magnets (and the papers they are holding up) off of the refrigerator and then bat them underneath it so that they adhere to the underside.
I will learn to relax at the vet's office so they will start writing things in my records like "Good Kitty" and "Sweet Kitty" instead of the stuff that's there now like "MEAN!!", "BITER!!!", and "GET HELP!!!!!"
I promise I will think more on the causal relationship between going dumpster diving on Sunday afternoon and projectile vomiting Monday, and being brought to the Evil Place Where They Stick Things Up My Butt on Tuesday evening. I realize that if I hadn't done the first, none of the other things would have happened.
I don't need to check my male human's aim in the bathroom.
I will not bat at my male human's family jewels while he is engaged in the act of mating with my female human, no matter how tempting the danglies are. My humans get mad and I might get free flying lessons.
If I must give a present to my human's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.
I will not soak my catnip toy in the water bowl to make tea. I will not get high and sit there drinking my tea and kneading the floor afterwards. I will not then get delusions of grandeur and make tea in the toilet bowl or the tub. And I will not try to make tea with used socks, dirty panties or hair scrunches when my humans take the catnip toy away from me.
After my (female) human has enjoyed the company of a larger, but equally gorgeous, hairy animal, I will not leap onto the bed, smell where he's been, and then jealously pee there to eradicate his traces.
A warm pepperoni pizza is not a good place for a nap.
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(http://img516.imageshack.us/img516/7968/comictot14gb8.gif)
-
(http://www.visualjokes.com/funny/badday.jpg)
-
http://www.break.com/rushhour3/man-vs-kids-karate-war.html
My day at the park started out well,
but the damned kids learn fast.
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(http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p209/renaeden/20061210151138_funnypic2341.jpg)
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Waggy's scared of cats. She saw one in the garden a couple of nights ago and stood in the doorway while she growled at it, then came to me for protection and refused to go outside.
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Waggy's scared of cats. She saw one in the garden a couple of nights ago and stood in the doorway while she growled at it, then came to me for protection and refused to go outside.
Have faith, Peter. She'll be eating cats in a few months.
The little dog I lost around February, grew up with a huge powerful cat in the house that intimidated him at first. That tough old had cat had no front claws though and Snuggles got used to pressing his luck and began to win the battles for the good seats, after a while. You should seen his confidence fail the first time he tangled with a fully equipped cat outside. Him running back to me for protection was really funny, in the same way.
-
Waggy's scared of cats. She saw one in the garden a couple of nights ago and stood in the doorway while she growled at it, then came to me for protection and refused to go outside.
Have faith, Peter. She'll be eating cats in a few months.
The little dog I lost around February, grew up with a huge powerful cat in the house that intimidated him at first. That tough old had cat had no front claws though and Snuggles got used to pressing his luck and began to win the battles for the good seats, after a while. You should seen his confidence fail the first time he tangled with a fully equipped cat outside. Him running back to me for protection was really funny, in the same way.
How're you and the family coping with the loss? It took me a long time to get over Scruffs. She caught a cat in her kennel one time and nipped it as it ran out; there was some blood, but I don't think she seriously injured it. She loved to chase squirrels and cats and things, but in her later years her eyesight was too bad for her to see them, and right at the end she couldn't even see me when I was standing 5 metres away in bright sunlight.
Waggy's very confident about approaching other dogs, even when they're 10 times her size and in a group, and isn't put off even when they bark and lunge at her, though she tends to roll over and act submissive at first with larger dogs.
-
(http://www.b3tards.com/u/a609ede35986cfd048a1/odd-bints-winehouse.jpg)
:LMAO:
-
:rofl: +
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Waggy's scared of cats. She saw one in the garden a couple of nights ago and stood in the doorway while she growled at it, then came to me for protection and refused to go outside.
Have faith, Peter. She'll be eating cats in a few months.
The little dog I lost around February, grew up with a huge powerful cat in the house that intimidated him at first. That tough old had cat had no front claws though and Snuggles got used to pressing his luck and began to win the battles for the good seats, after a while. You should seen his confidence fail the first time he tangled with a fully equipped cat outside. Him running back to me for protection was really funny, in the same way.
How're you and the family coping with the loss? It took me a long time to get over Scruffs. She caught a cat in her kennel one time and nipped it as it ran out; there was some blood, but I don't think she seriously injured it. She loved to chase squirrels and cats and things, but in her later years her eyesight was too bad for her to see them, and right at the end she couldn't even see me when I was standing 5 metres away in bright sunlight.
Waggy's very confident about approaching other dogs, even when they're 10 times her size and in a group, and isn't put off even when they bark and lunge at her, though she tends to roll over and act submissive at first with larger dogs.
He was the best dog I've ever known and I've had many great dogs. I think about him every day, but time is passing and it will do its job. The kids are distracted from the loss by the kitten we got, three months ago. She's turning out to be a very affectionate cat. Getting another pet soon after was a huge step in the right direction, I think. My wife doesn't care much for animals and doesn't seem to become attached to them. To her, they're just a bother.
It takes a while to get over a loss.
(I owe this thread a good joke, now)
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(http://www.b3tards.com/u/a609ede35986cfd048a1/odd-bints-winehouse.jpg)
:LMAO:
That's funny. It must be an interim picture, before she hit bottom.
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she's so beautiful.
-
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of "Jeopardy!"
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword.
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
Every minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
The horizon swallowed the setting sun like a dog sucking an egg, but not quite.
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:laugh: :plus:
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lol. i use something similar with my undergrads - how NOT to write. ;)
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'It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.'
:LMAO:
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:plus:
The descriptions start off nice.....
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For some reason this cracked me up.
We don't have these in New Zealand. (squirrels) :laugh:
(http://img476.imageshack.us/img476/9136/75fjo2.gif)
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(http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgags/images/Stoplights.jpg)
(http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgags/images/MirrorsOnly.jpg)
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she's so beautiful.
Yes, so let's hope this is a recovery picture, taken recently.
I opened it in Photoshop to find the image info and there is no date stamp. Doesn't really mean anything, but it does tell you that a pic is at least as old as the date of the net image.
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That is hilarious, Tesla. It is difficult to choose favorites, because they are all so funny.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
Every minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
:LMAO:
:plus:
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I have to wonder if nerdy guys who don't get laid in high school are more prone to becoming successful later in life due to the innovation that their high school experience forced upon them.
You know what I mean, right?
They had to learn to think outside the box.
(The pun's a WIP but you get the drift.)
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she's so beautiful.
Yes, so let's hope this is a recovery picture, taken recently.
I opened it in Photoshop to find the image info and there is no date stamp. Doesn't really mean anything, but it does tell you that a pic is at least as old as the date of the net image.
i mean she's beautiful like that. a stick.
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she's so beautiful.
Yes, so let's hope this is a recovery picture, taken recently.
I opened it in Photoshop to find the image info and there is no date stamp. Doesn't really mean anything, but it does tell you that a pic is at least as old as the date of the net image.
i mean she's beautiful like that. a stick.
Are you arguing about personal preferences? I don't quite understand.
Of course she's beautiful as a stick, but no matter how beautiful she is, she deserves to be healthy. I don't mean healthy like I'm a beef grower on my way to market. I mean if you look at her complexion and the shape of her eyes in this pic compared to the pics that show her at rock bottom, about two days from the hospital, she looks healthy. Healthy is sexy, no matter the size.
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Yeah you don't want to see people that look like they are about to die. That isn't beautiful to me, that is being in desperate need of help.
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she's so beautiful.
Yes, so let's hope this is a recovery picture, taken recently.
I opened it in Photoshop to find the image info and there is no date stamp. Doesn't really mean anything, but it does tell you that a pic is at least as old as the date of the net image.
i mean she's beautiful like that. a stick.
Are you arguing about personal preferences? I don't quite understand.
Of course she's beautiful as a stick, but no matter how beautiful she is, she deserves to be healthy. I don't mean healthy like I'm a beef grower on my way to market. I mean if you look at her complexion and the shape of her eyes in this pic compared to the pics that show her at rock bottom, about two days from the hospital, she looks healthy. Healthy is P.I.y, no matter the size.
she has a right to look like she does. if she wants to be like that it's her right and i support it. she's gorgeous. sides underweight people live longer.
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Yeah you don't want to see people that look like they are about to die. That isn't beautiful to me, that is being in desperate need of help.
i don't think she looks like she's about to die. she looks quite normal. and beautiful.
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this is my favorite.
(http://www.bassobike.ch/eva/ana1.jpg)
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this is my favorite.
(http://www.bassobike.ch/eva/ana1.jpg)
I'm sorry, Milla, but that girl looks like she is at death's door. It makes me want to cry to look at her.
There is such a thing as a healthy weight, but that girl is far below it. Her muscle mass is dangerously low. I would be very surprised if her heart is not damaged by her anorexia.
When was this picture taken? Is she dead yet?
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it was taken years ago. i saw it like a decade ago or something. i thought it was the most beautiful anapic ever. i never forgot it. i don't know if she's alive or not. i know it's deadly to be that thin but i can appreciate its beauty.
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she's so beautiful.
Yes, so let's hope this is a recovery picture, taken recently.
I opened it in Photoshop to find the image info and there is no date stamp. Doesn't really mean anything, but it does tell you that a pic is at least as old as the date of the net image.
i mean she's beautiful like that. a stick.
Are you arguing about personal preferences? I don't quite understand.
Of course she's beautiful as a stick, but no matter how beautiful she is, she deserves to be healthy. I don't mean healthy like I'm a beef grower on my way to market. I mean if you look at her complexion and the shape of her eyes in this pic compared to the pics that show her at rock bottom, about two days from the hospital, she looks healthy. Healthy is P.I.y, no matter the size.
she has a right to look like she does. if she wants to be like that it's her right and i support it. she's gorgeous. sides underweight people live longer.
*melodramatic sigh*
I agree, but you still don't get what I'm saying at all.
Of course she has the right to look how ever she wants to and abuse chemicals to her death or even to the point of injury to internal organs, such as kidney and liver disease. In fact, it was kidney failure that put her into the hospital last time. No one is stopping her.
You will never convince me that it is a good thing to do, though. All I'm saying is that she looks better when she's healthy.
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and i think she looks better like that.
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and i think she looks better like that.
You used to be anorexic, didn't you?
Do you think that this woman looks good?
(http://aoluar.blogs.sapo.pt/arquivo/anorexia_55.JPG)
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she looks nice though it must be photoshopped. i like real thinness better than photoshops.
i didn't used to be anorexic, i'm ED non specified. but if i could choose one defined i'd take anorexia of course. :P
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Eh that is like a starving person in Africa. That isn't attractive at all. Looks like she is going to die. There is a happy median you know.
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it's not about sex appeal. it's aesthetic beauty. therein lies her attractiveness. and she is.
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it's not about P.I. appeal. it's aesthetic beauty. therein lies her attractiveness. and she is.
I believe she would make an incredibly interesting photographic subject for someone like me, who likes to work light play into textures with deep shadows.
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Agreed Dawg. As someone who draws, I usually excessively shadow stuff myself. It is usually darker than the subject actually is sometimes. Shadows are really fun to play with, depends on the technique used in shadowing. I don't go for the crosshatch style myself, blurry using the edge of my hand. Need to get my dad's camera and post a few. My art journal was pretty raped due my parents finding it and destroying the more perceived evil content.
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Agreed Dawg. As someone who draws, I usually excessively shadow stuff myself. It is usually darker than the subject actually is sometimes. Shadows are really fun to play with, depends on the technique used in shadowing. I don't go for the crosshatch style myself, blurry using the edge of my hand. Need to get my dad's camera and post a few. My art journal was pretty raped due my parents finding it and destroying the more perceived evil content.
That's really a shame and really fucked up, dysfunctional parenting in my opinion. Someone's art can never be replaced. You should never destroy something you can not replace.
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Well I did draw my dad pinned to the lawn with tent stakes and me running him over with our lawn mower. Had his intestines shooting out the sides and everything. I also had various pentagrams, symbols and a nude sketch of my ex. That isn't to mention the fonts I tried to make, that were used in pretty explicit messages. They were ok. I have done better art on school desks and pieces of paper left at various locations. Me and a Filipino fellow student went back and forth each day with pencil drawn art on a desk top (he was in the class after mine in the room). I wish I took a picture of our end product. He was more anime and I drew comic book style. I had my best drawing of Spawn on that desk.
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Agreed Dawg. As someone who draws, I usually excessively shadow stuff myself. It is usually darker than the subject actually is sometimes. Shadows are really fun to play with, depends on the technique used in shadowing. I don't go for the crosshatch style myself, blurry using the edge of my hand. Need to get my dad's camera and post a few. My art journal was pretty raped due my parents finding it and destroying the more perceived evil content.
i'm really sorry to hear that. artworks are like babies, it's hard when that happens.
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Just a thought but why do we do these things?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds†when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an “S†in the word “lisp�
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?†Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?â€
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And a favorite…
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.
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"Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?"
yeah. why not?
"If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?"
i've wondered about this.
"Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?"
i do this. :laugh:
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you."
lol it IS me.
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"If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?"
i've wondered about this.
For the same reason there are multiple species of birds and fish and lizards and dogs and cats and monkeys and apes.
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And a favorite…
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.
I only have four friends and we are all insane, birds of a feather. How does that help or hurt the statistics? Does that just mean that one of us is closer to the edge than the other four or that several groups of friends are missing their nutcase?
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The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.
I only have four friends and we are all insane, birds of a feather. How does that help or hurt the statistics? Does that just mean that one of us is closer to the edge than the other four or that several groups of friends are missing their nutcase?
Yes. ;D
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"If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?"
i've wondered about this.
For the same reason that there are still Europeans despite Americans being descended from them.
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The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.
I only have four friends and we are all insane, birds of a feather. How does that help or hurt the statistics? Does that just mean that one of us is closer to the edge than the other four or that several groups of friends are missing their nutcase?
Yes. ;D
Good answer!
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Ceiling cat is watching your mouse debate *groan*
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"If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?"
Because people evolved from lemurs. There are still lemurs because the species have been isolated and nothing changed in their environment.
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Ceiling cat is watching your mouse debate *groan*
:plus: :lol::heart:
Just a thought but why do we do these things?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Probably in case of a last-minute repraisal, or in case there needs to be an investigative autopsy.
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.
Actually, it's closer to half the population as far as meeting the criteria for some DSM-IV-TR diagnosis, and more than 50% if you include substance abuse/dependency. :P
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no we evolved from lemurians.
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Looking for a place to live and ran across the
following, in roomates wanted:
I am a conscious, easy-going person and hoping for the same in a roommate
:laugh:
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it's not about P.I. appeal. it's aesthetic beauty. therein lies her attractiveness. and she is.
In a sense. But only as death is beautiful.
I'd never want to have sex with something
like that.
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Agreed Dawg. As someone who draws, I usually excessively shadow stuff myself. It is usually darker than the subject actually is sometimes. Shadows are really fun to play with, depends on the technique used in shadowing. I don't go for the crosshatch style myself, blurry using the edge of my hand. Need to get my dad's camera and post a few. My art journal was pretty raped due my parents finding it and destroying the more perceived evil content.
That's really a shame and really fucked up, dysfunctional parenting in my opinion. Someone's art can never be replaced. You should never destroy something you can not replace.
:agreed:
Killed me when some of humanities treasures
have been destroyed recently.
Fuck Bush, and Fuck the Taliban both.
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(http://i186.photobucket.com/albums/x45/randomhot/icesign.jpg)
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http://www.basicinstructions.net/2006_07_01_archive.html
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(http://forums.bottomrunggaming.com/uploads/attachments/kbeer0001_186.jpg)
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it's not about P.I. appeal. it's aesthetic beauty. therein lies her attractiveness. and she is.
In a sense. But only as death is beautiful.
that was very poetical, Cal. :plus:
i wouldn't all that badly want to have sex with a bag of bones but some people very much would. some people think it's hot.
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lol. that beer thing is hilarious. i love that way of looking at it. ;D
Looking for a place to live and ran across the
following, in roomates wanted:
I am a conscious, easy-going person and hoping for the same in a roommate
:laugh:
lol. i woudn't want that kinda roommate. :green: i don't like being all that conscious. :glug:
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(http://www.lolpix.com/_pics/Funny_Pictures_70/Funny_Pictures_7019.jpg)
(http://www.travellerspoint.com/photos/1/information_centre.jpg)
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(http://www.travellerspoint.com/photos/1/information_centre.jpg)
:plus: I needed that.
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This may or may not be funny to anyone but me, but:
Below is the grocery list I wrote for myself that I had to try and decode today in Stop and Shop. I understood most of my own jibberish today in the store: 3 small containrers of yogurt (I put them in smoothies), one bag of apples, 2 bottles of soda, one box of Total cereal, no cat litter (though I initially thought I needed some), one bottle of cranberry juice, some paper towels, and some gum. I got all that stuff together as well as a bag of frozen strawberries to go with the yogurt (though I coudln't find it on the list), then spent a good two or three minutes in the frozen foods section trying to figure out what the hell a bag of "sleeermes" was, and if I ate it often. I finally gave up and left with what I had, then realized that "sleeermes" probably was "strawberries."
This is what happens when I write most of my grocery lists while half asleep and with the kitchen lights out.
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(http://www.travellerspoint.com/photos/1/information_centre.jpg)
A picture summarizes more adequately than a thousand words could the misery of trying to get anything accomplished with the administration at BSC.
-
This may or may not be funny to anyone but me, but:
Below is the grocery list I wrote for myself that I had to try and decode today in Stop and Shop. I understood most of my own jibberish today in the store: 3 small containrers of yogurt (I put them in smoothies), one bag of apples, 2 bottles of soda, one box of Total cereal, no cat litter (though I initially thought I needed some), one bottle of cranberry juice, some paper towels, and some gum. I got all that stuff together as well as a bag of frozen strawberries to go with the yogurt (though I coudln't find it on the list), then spent a good two or three minutes in the frozen foods section trying to figure out what the hell a bag of "sleeermes" was, and if I ate it often. I finally gave up and left with what I had, then realized that "sleeermes" probably was "strawberries."
This is what happens when I write most of my grocery lists while half asleep and with the kitchen lights out.
the fact that you put a gun on your grocery list was disturbingly funny.
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...and some gum.
:lol: Could've sworn that said "gun" ;)
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...and some gum.
:lol: Could've sworn that said "gun" ;)
the fact that you put a gun on your grocery list was disturbingly funny.
The subconscious mind reveals itself during somlistbulism.
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Yogurt looked like "Tog" to me. :lol:
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I saw:
sleeprnres - 1 6g
tog - 3
ypples - 16j
slda - 2
total - 1 6x
1cyzree
P tcuels
gun
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What kind of gun did you buy Serissa??
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I saw:
sleeprnres - 1 6g
tog - 3
ypples - 16j
slda - 2
total - 1 6x
1cyzree
P tcuels
gun
That reminds me, I need to get some cyzrees next time I go to the store too.
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The gun was the only reasonable thing.
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I love eating ypples, but they leave me feeling kinda queasy. So I have to take some P tcuels to sooth my upset tummy.
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What kind of gun did you buy Serissa??
A ridiculously long-lasting gun. (http://www.stridegum.com/#)
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I never got to read this one...
(http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p209/renaeden/rivetz2.jpg)
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I never got to read this one...
(http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p209/renaeden/rivetz2.jpg)
+
I loved those.
-
I loved Choose Your Own Adventure as well. Didn't most kids though? The artwork on that makes me want to think back on whether I actually read that one or not.
-
(http://humour.200ok.com.au/img/caution.jpg)
-
I never got to read this one...
(http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p209/renaeden/rivetz2.jpg)
+
I loved those.
I kept losing.
"It is dark here. To explore further, go to page 53. To turn back, go to page 35."
<flip>
"Page 53: You have been eaten by a grue."
-
I loved Choose Your Own Adventure as well. Didn't most kids though? The artwork on that makes me want to think back on whether I actually read that one or not.
Its actual title was THE ANTIMATTER FORMULA, by Jay Leibold.
(http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/ciu/be/28/151a1363ada031a17e0cc010.L.jpg)
-
MIS-DIAGNOSIS
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man
walking with his legs spread apart.
One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome.
Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has
Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached
him and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and
couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the
syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you'll tell me what you think."
One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome."
The old man said: "You thought......... but you are wrong."
Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said: "You thought.......... but you are wrong.
So they asked him: "Well, what do you have?"
The old man said: "I thought it was GAS........... but I was wrong."
-
This has to be the funniest thread ever to appear on a mountain biking forum (http://www.singletrackworld.com/forum/read.php?f=2&i=3141618&t=3141618&phpsessid=30cf846286610800c227e14b8b2fd63a)... check out the adventures of the poster 'blu-tone'. I cried.
-
:lol: :lol:
As these foolish thoughts are noodling around in my head a butterfly in the Amazon flaps it's wings. . . . .
A storm of geological cataclysmic ferocity fuelled by an apopleptic "Agent" Picolax is gathering pace, mass and will reveal itself too late upon the unwary.
:plus:
-
This has to be the funniest thread ever to appear on a mountain biking forum (http://www.singletrackworld.com/forum/read.php?f=2&i=3141618&t=3141618&phpsessid=30cf846286610800c227e14b8b2fd63a)... check out the adventures of the poster 'blu-tone'. I cried.
I didn't cry, but I had to stop eating for fear of asphyxiation.
-
I saw this the other day but didn't have a camera; I finally bothered to actually take a picture and thought I'd share, though honestly I want to go backa again with a friend and have them take a picture of me standing/posing next to the sign.
Yes, I'm immature. So shoot me.
-
I don't get it...Am I missing something?
-
It is a stop sign at Beaver Street. We have a Beaver Street around here, it isn't the best place to stop at though haha (they are restoring the ghetto parts). There are places to stop and eat on Beaver Street.
-
i loved those choose your adventure books, i read one about a vampire. i can't remember how it ended.
-
i loved those choose your adventure books, i read one about a vampire. i can't remember how it ended.
There were like three vampire ones, including a space vampie one with a vamp that could grow his neck like three fucking feet extra (which you'd die if you didn't anticpate- that's the only ending I remember because the artwork for that death was fucked up).
-
i loved those choose your adventure books, i read one about a vampire. i can't remember how it ended.
There were like three vampire ones, including a space vampie one with a vamp that could grow his neck like three fucking feet extra (which you'd die if you didn't anticpate- that's the only ending I remember because the artwork for that death was fucked up).
I read all of those that might school library had. Many times, in fact. However, I only remember the first one -- Third Planet from Altair.
-
Never let your kids play with flip phones.
-
Would you? Could you?
-
I saw this the other day but didn't have a camera; I finally bothered to actually take a picture and thought I'd share, though honestly I want to go backa again with a friend and have them take a picture of me standing/posing next to the sign.
Yes, I'm immature. So shoot me.
Yeah your immature, but your just so cute, I want to just eat you up. Except I gave up cannibalism for Lent, as well as Beavers. :P
-
Would you? Could you?
:LMAO: :emb: To honestly answer and if I was single.......yes and yes, that is if I could stop laughing and not visualize the face/thoughts that the tattoo artist must have had while they were doing the work!
-
Any parent can relate to this scenario ...
-
More cartoons ...
-
This has to be the funniest thread ever to appear on a mountain biking forum (http://www.singletrackworld.com/forum/read.php?f=2&i=3141618&t=3141618&phpsessid=30cf846286610800c227e14b8b2fd63a)... check out the adventures of the poster 'blu-tone'. I cried.
That was absolutely hilarious and well worth reading.
:plus:
-
(http://www.ohgizmo.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/esc.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0C4ZDO5r58
-
This has to be the funniest thread ever to appear on a mountain biking forum (http://www.singletrackworld.com/forum/read.php?f=2&i=3141618&t=3141618&phpsessid=30cf846286610800c227e14b8b2fd63a)... check out the adventures of the poster 'blu-tone'. I cried.
LMAO. :lol:
"After the first whoosh you'll be clear :)
Just go on the ride. Explain the situation to your friend, he'll understand, and take his camera."
WTF does his buddy need that camera for i wonder... :yikes:
-
I don't know why, but this picture cracked me the fuck up.
(http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/1161535376-1161393959410.jpg)
At least I know Calandale will like it.
-
Yesterday I was shopping with a couple friends and was debating whether or not to buy a very thick bracelet that looked like a men's watch band. I asked one of the friends if it looked OK. She said, "It looks artistic."
Only she has a Masachusetts accent. As in: Pahk the cah in hahvud yahd.
I was like, "Heeeeeeeeeyyyyy." :laugh:
-
:laugh:
autistic bracelets, a new fad.
-
:laugh:
autistic bracelets, a new fad.
BTW, it was this:
(http://media.kohls.com.edgesuite.net/is/image/kohls/257218?wid=400&hei=400&op_sharpen=1) (http://www.kohls.com/products/product_page_vanilla0.jsp?PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=438898715&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=167800573&ASSORTMENT%3C%3East_id=3440897&CONTENT%3C%3Ecnt_id=432556409&bmUID=1188046899753),
(pic is linky) I didn't buy it partly because I wanted more to buy something else so I chose it instead, but also because I was afriad it really was men's/afirad it was so masculine it'd be a male repellent. (Not especially logical but it was late and I was on sudafed- the real stuff that they regulate, not the fake substitute.)
-
^ I really like that bracelet. Men's jewelery is awesome. Some of the better stuff is made for them. If you like it, you should buy it. :)
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^ I really like that bracelet. Men's jewelery is awesome. Some of the better stuff is made for them. If you like it, you should buy it. :)
it's not even men's! :)
-
^ I really like that bracelet. Men's jewelery is awesome. Some of the better stuff is made for them. If you like it, you should buy it. :)
it's not even men's! :)
:laugh: I thought it was because you wrote:I was afriad it really was men's/afirad it was so masculine it'd be a male repellent.
Also I wasn't sure because I can't judge the proper size from the picture. I have wanted to buy a men's bracelet/bangle for GA but he said he won't wear one. :( When I bought my wedding ring I was dismayed by the lack of choice for women's rings.
-
^ I really like that bracelet. Men's jewelery is awesome. Some of the better stuff is made for them. If you like it, you should buy it. :)
it's not even men's! :)
:laugh: I thought it was because you wrote:I was afriad it really was men's/afirad it was so masculine it'd be a male repellent.
Also I wasn't sure because I can't judge the proper size from the picture. I have wanted to buy a men's bracelet/bangle for GA but he said he won't wear one. :( When I bought my wedding ring I was dismayed by the lack of choice for women's rings.
Did you ever post a picture of your ring?
-
Did you ever post a picture of your ring?
Not here but I have on another site (well, really it was of my hand and the ring got included). I can find that picture tomorrow, I am about to go to bed, heh.
-
The owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
The owner asks the new clerk: "What's with the guy over there by the wall?"
The new clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative"
The owner, wide-eyed and excited shouts: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!"
The new clerk calmly responds: "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough."
___________________________________________________________________
Some Computer Terminology
BIT - A word used to describe computers, as in "Our daughter's computer cost quite a bit."
BOOT - What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skill.
BUG - What computer magazine companies do to you after they get you on their mailing list.
CHIPS - The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.
COPY - What you have to do exams because you spend too much time playing games on your computer and not enough time studying.
CURSOR - What you turn into when you can't get your computer to perform, as in "You %@& computer!"
DISK - What goes out of your back after bending over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.
DUMP - The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install games on your computer.
ERROR - What you made when you first walked into a computer showroom "just to look."
EXPANSION UNIT - The new room you have to build on to your home to house your computer and all its peripherals.
FLOPPY - The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food (see "CHIPS").
HARDWARE - Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you haven't laid a finger on since getting your computer.
MENU - What you'll never see again after buying a computer because you'll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.
PROGRAMS - Those things you used to look at on your television before you hooked your computer up.
RETURN - What lots of people do to their computers after they receive their first billing from their internet service provider.
TAB - What your friends pick up when they meet you for lunch because you spent all your money on new software.
TERMINAL - A place where you can find buses, trains and really good deals on hot computers.
WINDOW - What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally erase a program that took you three days to set up.
-
Lol!!! :plus:
-
hehe that was funny. ;D
-
Ew...yuck.
Which reminds me of an old joke:
If your nose runs and your feet smell then you're built upside down.
-
Lipstick In School
According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
-
:laugh:
-
The owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
The owner asks the new clerk: "What's with the guy over there by the wall?"
The new clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative"
The owner, wide-eyed and excited shouts: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!"
The new clerk calmly responds: "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough."
___________________________________________________________________
Some Computer Terminology
BIT - A word used to describe computers, as in "Our daughter's computer cost quite a bit."
BOOT - What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skill.
BUG - What computer magazine companies do to you after they get you on their mailing list.
CHIPS - The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.
COPY - What you have to do exams because you spend too much time playing games on your computer and not enough time studying.
CURSOR - What you turn into when you can't get your computer to perform, as in "You %@& computer!"
DISK - What goes out of your back after bending over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.
DUMP - The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install games on your computer.
ERROR - What you made when you first walked into a computer showroom "just to look."
EXPANSION UNIT - The new room you have to build on to your home to house your computer and all its peripherals.
FLOPPY - The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food (see "CHIPS").
HARDWARE - Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you haven't laid a finger on since getting your computer.
MENU - What you'll never see again after buying a computer because you'll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.
PROGRAMS - Those things you used to look at on your television before you hooked your computer up.
RETURN - What lots of people do to their computers after they receive their first billing from their internet service provider.
TAB - What your friends pick up when they meet you for lunch because you spent all your money on new software.
TERMINAL - A place where you can find buses, trains and really good deals on hot computers.
WINDOW - What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally erase a program that took you three days to set up.
I laugh so hard I had tears in My eyes. :plus:
-
Lipstick In School
According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
:roflol:
:plus:
-
(http://www.stevenwillingale.com/fun/sign.jpg)
-
(http://sunboar.files.wordpress.com/2006/10/warning.jpg)
Trying to find texturing for a new building in Second Life... :laugh:
-
Pulp fuckin' fiction. (http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/6699/)
-
Ten things I hate about commandments (http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/434/)
-
I loved Choose Your Own Adventure as well. Didn't most kids though? The artwork on that makes me want to think back on whether I actually read that one or not.
Kids? I still like them.
Especially the ones which
went with Runequest.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pT6RzQK_luI
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(http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/605/globalwarminglm8.jpg)
-
(http://www.angelzfunnyz.com/Portals/0/Gallery/Album/4/timmay.jpg)
-
:LMAO: :plus:
-
:laugh:
-
A Wish for All of the
Difficult People in Your
Life
-
:evillaugh:
-
Eating beans around the campfire will never be the same again! :(
-
Got this in an email. A little trite, but kinda funny.
-
...........one week after "The Fast and the Furious" opened up in Hickville, USA.
-
I've actually seen this one happen.
-
Why NOT to fuck your mistress in the backseat of your car.........
-
She misspelled bastard.
-
Got this in an email. A little trite, but kinda funny.
Serissa, that is funny. I will send it to my friend, I think she will really appreciate it!
These last few posts here :laugh:
-
me too. my friend would like the fucking frog.
-
Things to do in the bathroom stall...
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"
6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place six to eight feet. Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"
11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters.
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"
13. Say. "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
15. Say, "Darn, I Knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"
20. When you're in a bathroom stall take a Snickers candy bar with you and when someone is next to you, squish it in your hand and reach under the stall wall and say "You got any more toilet paper over there, This side's completely out."
-
:emb: :LMAO:
-
:LMAO: :plus:
-
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/suntzu_2002/bike6.jpg)
-
7000 km/s?
-
7000 km/s?
:smarty:
-
If you can stretch your mouth that wide
AND wiggle your tongue, I regret that you're
happily married.
-
:laugh:
-
Damn I am no longer 1337. Though I laughed at this video, it was posted on another forum I post on. Probably worth at least a watch for the lolz and depression factor. Sorry if you have seen it before.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=lWWKBY7gx_0
-
^ :laugh: I would love to see someone present that at a serious business meeting!
(http://i.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop/08-03-07-signs/TellAGram4.jpg)
And one of my favourites from Far Side:
(http://www.hintermueller.de/Lustig/Didn_t_wash_hands.jpg)
-
Damn I am no longer 1337. Though I laughed at this video, it was posted on another forum I post on. Probably worth at least a watch for the lolz and depression factor. Sorry if you have seen it before.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=lWWKBY7gx_0
you have chocolate here. a raw potato there. this is water. and this would be her neck.
:laugh:
brilliant.
-
And one of my favourites from Far Side:
(http://www.hintermueller.de/Lustig/Didn_t_wash_hands.jpg)
:laugh:
we need those in real life.
-
Damn I am no longer 1337. Though I laughed at this video, it was posted on another forum I post on. Probably worth at least a watch for the lolz and depression factor. Sorry if you have seen it before.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=lWWKBY7gx_0
LOL!!!!!
-
(http://www.cs.helsinki.fi/u/hprajani/phun/kmartvz5.jpg)
-
:plus:
Gave me some great ideas.
-
When I was a really young child I would hide in the clothing racks (the circular ones were best) and jump out and ambush people. I pretended that the racks were my fortress and that the people shopping were invading forces.
-
BE ALERT!
We need more lerts.
-
BE ALERT!
We need more lerts.
I think that the fact that I laughed as hard at that as I did shows that I need to start sleeping more.
Eventually.
-
Sleep is for the tired!
-
Ah Aussie Humor
Australian Tourism: questions answered
These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism website. Obviously the answers came from fellow Aussies.....just trying to help:
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?
(UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.(USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
-
:LMAO: :plus:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_BZWjCQv4A
-
Sorry but I didn't find that in the least bit funny.
-
I saw it on WP and thought I post it here. Sorry. I gave it a 5 in the youtube game because of animal cruelity.
-
It was on TV here a few years back, my Dad found it amusing, though I did not. My empathy runs more toward animals and less toward humans. So if it were a human having their head depacitated in the sunroof of an Evil Ka, I might find it somewhat amusing heh
-
Here is something by Robert E. Howard written during prohibition. It's a spoof of the poem "Let me live in a house by the side of the road and be a friend of man."
"The bar by the side of the road'
There are liquorless souls that follow paths
Where whiskey never ran--
Let me live in a bar by the side of the road
And drink from the old beer can.
Let me live in a bar by the side of the road,
When the race of men goes dry,
The men who are "drys" and the men who are "wets,"
(But none are so "wet" as I.)
I see from my bar by the side of the road,
A land with drouth accurst;
And the men who press on with the ardour of beer,
And men who are faint with thirst.
I know there are bars in Old Mexico,
And schooners of glorious height,
That the booze splashes on through the
long afternoon,
And floods through the gutters of night.
But still I take gin when the travellers take gin
And scotch with the whiskey man
Nor ever refuse a thirsty soul
A swig from my old beer can.
For why should I praise Prohibition's restraints,
Or love the revenue man?
Let me live in a bar by the side of the road,
And drink from the old beer can!
-
http://youtube.com/watch?v=FqbRpB6yVBQ
Looks like the dolphin is humping the guy when he jumps out of the water and he is flapping his body.
-
:plus:
Instant boner.
-
http://youtube.com/watch?v=FqbRpB6yVBQ
SG (and anyone else posting YouTube), would you please post something about the link, not post the link and that's all. Sorry, but I won't have a look if I don't know a bit about it first. I like predictability.
(http://www.slapyo.com/wp-content/owned006.jpg)
(http://www.slapyo.com/wp-content/pigeonboy2.jpg)
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... an email I received from a friend.
THE BEST COMEBACK LINE EVER!
Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on
the radio the other day and you'll love his reply to
the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and
children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws
you gotta love this!!!! This is one of the best
comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of
National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a
female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General
Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop
visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what
things are you going to teach these young boys when
they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them
climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit
irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be
properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is
a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be
teaching them proper rifle discipline before they
even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to
become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped
to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
You gotta love the Marines!
AMERICA , THE HOME OF THE FREE
BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE
-
(http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x28/kp600/118950773788.gif)
(http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h170/kmcdude/hulksmashwtc500.jpg)
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sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look I’m sorry. I’m just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. I’m in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Don’t fucking laugh at me!
bloodninja: This shit is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a fucking break
bloodninja: I’m serious.
sweet17: I don’t get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: I’m wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: It’s kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are fucking sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren’t one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I’m not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: fuck you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren’t you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don’t want to send you the picture cause I’m not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren’t
sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKSHIT!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What’s your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I’m looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I’ve lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I’m not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn’t you.
bloodninja: I’ll be damned if it ain’t!
sweet17: You don’t look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy….
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go fuck yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won’t get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn’t have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You’ve done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn’t hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can’t believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can’t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!
bloodninja: You’d break both of his legs.
sweet17: You’re a fucking wanker!
sweet17: I’ve been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don’t even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I’m sorry.
sweet17: No you aren’t
bloodninja: You’re right. I’m not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I’m done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I’m sorry.
sweet17: I’m putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: I’ll eat your kitty
sweet17: You’ll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I’d eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn’t get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I’d like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I’m not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don’t know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I’m afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn’t that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to
sweet17: I didn’t say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp… you say “HARRRR!!!â€
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can’t be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It’s my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you’ll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh …going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I fuck harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: …still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple…
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: FUCK YOU DICKHEAD!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin…
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: …going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
-
:laugh: That was really funny! And disturbing. :o
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<Anonymous> Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
<Anonymous> Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.†Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!.†By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
<Anonymous> Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.â€
<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.
<Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.
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Brilliant :D
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This would have been GA about 10 years ago:
(http://www.unquality.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/01/addictiongamespc.jpg)
(http://www.isityourneed.com/funny/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/4xwcemd.jpg)
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Oh ha..
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I just tried to order pizza online from an American website, thinking it was the Australian one, I got increasingly frustrated when my postcode wasn't coming up in the system. Then I thought, oh fuck it, I'll just ring for one and I might try out that new crust I saw on the site....
I get on the phone and asked for a Brooklyn style crust..... and the girl says 'what', I say 'Brooklyn style'....then I twigged. Oops.
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:laugh:
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I just tried to order pizza online from an American website, thinking it was the Australian one, I got increasingly frustrated when my postcode wasn't coming up in the system. Then I thought, oh fuck it, I'll just ring for one and I might try out that new crust I saw on the site....
I get on the phone and asked for a Brooklyn style crust..... and the girl says 'what', I say 'Brooklyn style'....then I twigged. Oops.
Did you ring an international number? Or was it a well known chain that exists here but you went to the US based site and called the Aus number?
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:laugh:
See how dumb I can look to people when I get focused? All I can think is "Fuck, I want that Brooklyn thing....the super thin crust..... and it says I can fold it, and wow that pepperoni looks gooood, I want it now!"
I just tried to order pizza online from an American website, thinking it was the Australian one, I got increasingly frustrated when my postcode wasn't coming up in the system. Then I thought, oh fuck it, I'll just ring for one and I might try out that new crust I saw on the site....
I get on the phone and asked for a Brooklyn style crust..... and the girl says 'what', I say 'Brooklyn style'....then I twigged. Oops.
Did you ring an international number? Or was it a well known chain that exists here but you went to the US based site and called the Aus number?
No, I rang my local store, I have the direct number to it...and start repeatedly asking for a Brooklyn style pizza...I even described it to her the first time..... Dickhead I am!
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Nah, not a dickhead, just temporarily confused, we all get like that from time to time.
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Nah, not a dickhead, just temporarily confused, we all get like that from time to time.
I wasn't confused, do or die, I WANTED A BROOKLYN PIZZA!! :green:
I went here.
http://www.dominos.com/Public-EN/Site+Content/Primary/See+the+Menu/
Lucky I didn't take a fancy to the Oreo Pizza!
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Here's another funny story from today. I'm shopping. I pass a jewelry store. All I can focus on is this beautiful bracelet, it's diamonds and sapphires, sparkly and gorgeous. Make my mind up to look at it on the way back, telling myself I haven't bought something really nice like that for such a long long time.
I go back to the store on the way to the car. Tell the lady I want to try it on, she's lovely, takes it out and doesn't just show it to me, puts it on my wrist. I do my sums, and think I know I can have this if I save, I can have this. I reach confidently for the price tag, because I MUST have this bracelet. It's sparkling like all hell and I know I am going to be so glad I got it and went without to get it. Right, now I can't read the price tag, because I don't have my glasses, it looks like it's 1 thousand and something...OK. I can deal with that as a special treat.
I ask the lady, 'sorry, I don't have my glasses, what is the price?'
$17,800.
Yeah, well, needless to say, I won't be having that sparkly thing.
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Ouch. Not really funny.
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Ouch. Not really funny.
No, but an example of how focused I get. Of course, this shop is in my town, renowned for being the most expensive shop, did I think that, did I see that, no, I see the fucking bracelet and tell myself I can have it. I think at the time I don't care if I eat baked beans for 3 months, I have to have it.
Now I see that I will have to eat grass. And since we are in a drought, I am fucked! :laugh:
Have to laugh at myself. I even started thinking what could I sell to have it.
It's a fucking bracelet for fuck's sake.
But ooh, it was soooo sparkly.
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I'm way too tight for me to think
along those kind of lines. BUT, when
I was considering the hassle involved
in buying a car (to go cross country),
it seemed easier to try and jack one,
and I was seriously considering it.
Kinda the same obsessing, but with
a different focus.
-
I'm way too tight for me to think
along those kind of lines. BUT, when
I was considering the hassle involved
in buying a car (to go cross country),
it seemed easier to try and jack one,
and I was seriously considering it.
Kinda the same obsessing, but with
a different focus.
I can't steal.
There's one thing worse than eating grass. Being in jail!
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Yeah. I just don't really make the connection sometimes.
Didn't do it, but just like you're not going to sell off things for
this. What crimes I commit tend to be moment of passion things.
Like fights.
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Yeah. I just don't really make the connection sometimes.
Didn't do it, but just like you're not going to sell off things for
this. What crimes I commit tend to be moment of passion things.
Like fights.
Yes, annoying when that happens.
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Nah, not a dickhead, just temporarily confused, we all get like that from time to time.
I wasn't confused, do or die, I WANTED A BROOKLYN PIZZA!! :green:
I went here.
http://www.dominos.com/Public-EN/Site+Content/Primary/See+the+Menu/
Lucky I didn't take a fancy to the Oreo Pizza!
An Oreo Pizza!? There is wrong and then there's the 7th Level of Hell Wrong. What was Dominos thinking!?
I dislike Oreos with an intense and burning passion.
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Nah, not a dickhead, just temporarily confused, we all get like that from time to time.
I wasn't confused, do or die, I WANTED A BROOKLYN PIZZA!! :green:
I went here.
http://www.dominos.com/Public-EN/Site+Content/Primary/See+the+Menu/
Lucky I didn't take a fancy to the Oreo Pizza!
An Oreo Pizza!? There is wrong and then there's the 7th Level of Hell Wrong. What was Dominos thinking!?
I dislike Oreos with an intense and burning passion.
I think it's because the chocolate biscuit doesn't taste like the ones we have in Australia.
7th Level of Hell, Wrong. :laugh: yes, you are quite possibly correct!
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Nah, not a dickhead, just temporarily confused, we all get like that from time to time.
I wasn't confused, do or die, I WANTED A BROOKLYN PIZZA!! :green:
I went here.
http://www.dominos.com/Public-EN/Site+Content/Primary/See+the+Menu/
Lucky I didn't take a fancy to the Oreo Pizza!
An Oreo Pizza!? There is wrong and then there's the 7th Level of Hell Wrong. What was Dominos thinking!?
I dislike Oreos with an intense and burning passion.
I think it's because the chocolate biscuit doesn't taste like the ones we have in Australia.
7th Level of Hell, Wrong. :laugh: yes, you are quite possibly correct!
Yeah, I agree with the idea of Oreo pizza, WTF.
Oreo's don't even taste like "real" chocolate. I'll eat them, but to call them chocolate flavored is blasphemy of the highest order! :grrr:
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Oreos are poser cookies. The mint ones are kinda ok, and the double stuffs ones are ok if you just eat the cream, but basically pointless.
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Oreos are poser cookies. The mint ones are kinda ok, and the double stuffs ones are ok if you just eat the cream, but basically pointless.
Pointless non-food, indeeed. I cover them in peanutbutter, sometimes. It helps a lot, but for sweets, I usually go for something really rich and disgusting. I have made my wife sick, just watching me, by dipping things like baklava or flan in honey.
:hide:
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I love oreos. Soaked in cold milk.. they're awesome.
-
Oreos are good, but they were better
when the inside was made of lard.
Drowning them is bad.
-
Did I post this pic yet??
-
nice. :) that woman is funny. :laugh:
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You'd be screwed if the boat moved.
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Dogs just know things...
Have you ever heard that a dog "knows" when an earthquake is about to hit?
Have you ever heard that a dog can "sense" when a tornado is stirring up, even twenty miles away?
Do you remember hearing that, before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia , dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed?
I'm a firm believer that animals - and especially dogs - have keen insights into the Truth.
And you can't tell me that dogs can't sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance.
Simply said, a good ol' hound dog just KNOWS when something ain't right . . . when impending doom is upon us . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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i'd vote for her if i could, probably, but :plus:, nevertheless. :laugh:
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i'd vote for her if i could, probably, but :plus:, nevertheless. :laugh:
Honestly, I didn't listen to her at first, when she was First Lady and I took her Congress seat as a gimme. But, lately, I have been listening to her. The only one who makes as much sense is Rudy, but I'm very scared to have another Republican in the White House for a while. We have lost so much ground.
She may get my vote.
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Rudy pocketed a ton of money from a charity. is this not so?
i'd vote for Kuchinich.
you're a republican?
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Rudy pocketed a ton of money from a charity. is this not so?
i'd vote for Kuchinich.
you're a republican?
Uh, no. I'm closer to a Libertarian in my views, but no party actually fits me very well.
Rather than "pocket" I think what he did was to conscript an inordinate amount for his constituency. Many people feel that represents good leadership in the view of State vs Federal rule.
Oh, that's one of the reasons I don't trust him. I have a fear of his old alliances surfacing, with even greater power. We've seen this, recently.
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ok there's two types of libertarians. the idealist kind and the money hungry kind. do you want freedoms for all or freedoms to screw people over? i'm also libertarian. i want personal freedoms kaboom. but the money thing worries me.
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http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=ded_1186637239
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vs616jp_hEE
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqVBe_SMQe8
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Shy like I am.
-
Shy like I am.
:laugh:
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http://www.jimmyr.com/blog/img/1028_27_226_2007.jpg
http://www.jimmyr.com/blog/img/1028_7_226_2007.jpg
http://www.jimmyr.com/blog/img/1028_8_226_2007.jpg
Hotlink bans are ghey... >:(
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Of course, renaeden didn't realise this until I looked at her post on my machine...
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Of course, renaeden didn't realise this until I looked at her post on my machine...
And was horrified. :o
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6rE0EakhG8
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pacJDl4pZqg
For flo.
And thag, were he here.
and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSZ16Rgf8sY
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Fresh linky goodness from an infamous web newsletter wot I get.
CLICKY (http://www.vexappeal.com/lolgod/)
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A big baby.
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(http://www.texaschapbookpress.com/magellanslog96/insanities/spotteddickpudding.jpg)
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(http://www.spacepimp.net/420/Animation14.gif)
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(http://profilejewels.net/grafix/specialties/Goodmorning/goodmorning21.gif)
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Haha, that spotted dick is a real food in the UK. The first I read of it was in Enid Blyton books.
Not a funny pic but it made my brain feel funny:
(http://ablk.com/img/22.jpg)
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Haha, that spotted dick is a real food in the UK. The first I read of it was in Enid Blyton books.
Not a funny pic but it made my brain feel funny:
(http://ablk.com/img/22.jpg)
There are a number of new ones out therre, based on the work of Escher and a couple of others. The always make me nauseous if I look into them too deeply. I get vertigo fairly easily.
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Haha, that spotted dick is a real food in the UK. The first I read of it was in Enid Blyton books.
Not a funny pic but it made my brain feel funny:
(http://ablk.com/img/22.jpg)
There are a number of new ones out there, based on the work of Escher and a couple of others. The always make me nauseous if I look into them too deeply. I get vertigo fairly easily.
i was looking at a the brush strokes on a painting in a restaurant, thinking about how the variations in thickness, colour, opacity, weight, etc give my brain cues to interpret the painting as three dimensional. then i started wondering if there are people who have brains that visually interpret two dimensional pictures as actually being two dimensional (that is, it actually "looks" flat to them).
-
(http://www.picsoap.com/Thumbs/a53e81c30cb94e06b778.gif)
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:plus:
BIRDIE!
But...he didn't pay. :-\
-
:plus:
BIRDIE!
But...he didn't pay. :-\
I read about that a couple of weeks ago- apparently the locals have gotten so fond of him they've started paying for the crisps he keeps stealing :laugh:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/north_east/6907994.stm (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/north_east/6907994.stm)
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I read about that a couple of weeks ago- apparently the locals have gotten so fond of him they've started paying for the crisps he keeps stealing :laugh:
:laugh: Thanks for the link! It was good to read about it.
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(http://www.kuvaton.com/kuvei/emo_wall.jpg)
-
:laugh:
-
:rofl:
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Emo Wall!
:LMAO:
-
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/020.jpg)
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(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/020.jpg)
parts, I'm glad your here! :green: :plus:
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This will either make you laugh or cry!
>It's time again for the annual "Stella Awards"! For those unfamiliar with
> >these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled
> >hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico
> >where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the
> >coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever
> >think one could get burned doing that, right?
> >
> >
> > That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and
> >verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch
> >your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.
> >
> >
> > Here are the Stella's for the past year:
> >
> >
> > 7TH PLACE :
> > Kathleen Robertson of Austin , Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of
> >her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running
> >inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by
> >the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.
> >
> > 6TH PLACE :
> > Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical
> >expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman
> >apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he
> >was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
> >
> >
> > Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.
> >
> > 5TH PLACE :
> > Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house
> >he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the
> >automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage
> >door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door
> >connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut.
> >Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi and a
> >large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company
> >claiming undue mental Anguish.
> >
> > Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson
> >$500,000
> >for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.
> > Keep scratching. There are more...
> >
> >
> >
> > 4TH PLACE :
> > Jerry Williams, of Little Rock , Arkansas , garnered 4th Place in the
> >Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being
> >bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the
> >beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as
> >much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been
> >provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the
> >fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.
> >
> >
> > Grrrrr ... Scratch, scratch.
> >
> >
> >
> > 3RD PLACE :
> > Amber Carson of Lancaster , Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a
> >Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled
> >soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the
> >floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during
> >an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own
> >actions?
> >
> >
> > Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there; there are only two more
> >Stella¢s to go...
> >
> >
> >
> > 2ND PLACE :
> > Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in
> >a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor,
> >knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through
> >the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury
> >said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah,
> >plus dental expenses. Go figure.
> >
> >
> >
> > 1ST PLACE : (May I have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos please)
> > This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv
> >Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased a new 32-foot
> >Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game,
> >having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and
> >calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make
> >herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway,
> >crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued
> >Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the
> >driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded
> >her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago
> >actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just incase Mrs.
> >Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.
> >
> >
> >
> > Are we, as a society, getting more stupid...?
-
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/020.jpg)
parts, I'm glad your here! :green: :plus:
My wife found it in a novelty and thought it was appropriate with my Catholic upbringing and funny stories about it I tell her about it ;D
-
:plus: ozzy. Those are sickening and
funny at the same time.
-
:plus: ozzy. Those are sickening and
funny at the same time.
Except that they're all false (and quite old, net legend-wise). http://www.snopes.com/legal/lawsuits.asp (http://www.snopes.com/legal/lawsuits.asp)
-
:plus: For being even cooler,
and knowing that they were false.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKEi6GeGGBo&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cYqERk-i6k&mode=related&search=
-
(http://heykidscomics.com/1162web.jpg)
-
(http://www.11th-hour.info/images/uncle_2.jpg)
-
(http://www.foundmagazine.com/images/finds/full/papercantwin.jpg)
-
:LMAO:
-
hahaha
-
renaeden, just answered the same question thats been on my mind for a long time! :P :laugh: :plus: :lol:
-
Done that, only I used the other hand.
Renaeden strikes again!
:plus:
-
http://www.madblast.com/funny/2426_momma-mia.html
Parody of Abba song "Momma Mia"
-
(http://blog.advoor.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/procrastination.jpeg)
-
LOL!
-
OMG!
-
HOLY FUCK LOL.... Renaeden got me with that one. Basically sums up my life. I am doing work for a class that starts in 1 hour right now lol.
-
yeah. procrastination is basically my religion.
-
And on that note:
(http://dm.lcc.gatech.edu/~osamanci/ozgescomics/april2007/web/12april2007.jpg)
;)
-
This will either make you laugh or cry!
>It's time again for the annual "Stella Awards"! For those unfamiliar with
> >these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled
> >hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico
> >where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the
> >coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever
> >think one could get burned doing that, right?
> >
> >
> > That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and
> >verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch
> >your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.
The Stella Liebeck versus McDonald's coffee scalding case was not a frivolous lawsuit, by the way. For the record, these are the facts of the Stella Liebeck case:
Know the Facts: The McDonalds Coffee Case
There is a lot of hype about the McDonalds scalding coffee case. No one is in favor of frivolous cases of outlandish results; however, it is important to understand some points that were not reported in most of the stories about the case. McDonalds coffee was not only hot, it was scalding - capable of almost instantaneous destruction of skin, flesh and muscle. Here is the whole story.
Stella Liebeck of Albuquerque, New Mexico, was in the passenger seat of her grandson's car when she was severely burned by McDonalds coffee in February 1992. Liebeck, 79 at the time, ordered coffee that was served in a Styrofoam cup at the drive-through window of a local McDonalds.
After receiving the order, the grandson pulled his car forward and stopped momentarily so that Liebeck could add cream and sugar to her coffee. (Critics of civil justice, who have pounced on this case, often charge that Liebeck was driving the car or that the vehicle was in motion when she spilled the coffee; neither is true.) Liebeck placed the cup between her knees and attempted to remove the plastic lid from the cup. As she removed the lid, the entire contents of the cup spilled into her lap.
The sweatpants Liebeck was wearing absorbed the coffee and held it next to her skin. A vascular surgeon determined that Liebeck suffered full thickness burns (or third-degree burns) over 6 percent of her body, including her inner thighs, perineum, buttocks, and genital and groin areas. She was hospitalized for eight days, during which time she underwent skin grafting. Liebeck, who also underwent debridement treatments, sought to settle her claim for $20,000, but McDonalds refused.
During discovery, McDonalds produced documents showing more than 700 claims by people burned by its coffee between 1982 and 1992. Some claims involved third-degree burns substantially similar to Liebecks. This history documented McDonalds' knowledge about the extent and nature of this hazard.
McDonalds also said during discovery that, based on a consultant's advice, it held its coffee at between 180 and 190 degrees Fahrenheit to maintain optimum taste. He admitted that he had not evaluated the safety ramifications at this temperature. Other establishments sell coffee at substantially lower temperatures, and coffee served at home is generally 135 to 140 degrees.
Further, McDonalds' quality assurance manager testified that the company actively enforces a requirement that coffee be held in the pot at 185 degrees, plus or minus five degrees. He also testified that a burn hazard exists with any food substance served at 140 degrees or above, and that McDonalds coffee, at the temperature at which it was poured into Styrofoam cups, was not fit for consumption because it would burn the mouth and throat. The quality assurance manager admitted that burns would occur, but testified that McDonalds had no intention of reducing the "holding temperature" of its coffee.
Plaintiff's expert, a scholar in thermodynamics as applied to human skin burns, testified that liquids, at 180 degrees, will cause a full thickness burn to human skin in two to seven seconds. Other testimony showed that as the temperature decreases toward 155 degrees, the extent of the burn relative to that temperature decreases exponentially. Thus, if Liebecks spill had involved coffee at 155 degrees, the liquid would have cooled and given her time to avoid a serious burn.
McDonalds asserted that customers buy coffee on their way to work or home, intending to consume it there. However, the company's own research showed that customers intend to consume the coffee immediately while driving.
McDonalds also argued that consumers know coffee is hot and that its customers want it that way. The company admitted its customers were unaware that they could suffer third-degree burns from the coffee and that a statement on the side of the cup was not a "warning" but a "reminder" since the location of the writing would not warn customers of the hazard.
The jury awarded Liebeck $200,000 in compensatory damages. This amount was reduced to $160,000 because the jury found Liebeck 20 percent at fault in the spill. The jury also awarded Liebeck $2.7 million in punitive damages, which equals about two days of McDonalds coffee sales.
Post-verdict investigation found that the temperature of coffee at the local Albuquerque McDonalds had dropped to 158 degrees Fahrenheit.
The trial court subsequently reduced the punitive award to $480,000 -- or three times compensatory damages -- even though the judge called McDonalds' conduct reckless, callous and willful.
-
Well its funny if you have played Halo.
(http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1002/1414602308_2ce28c6eca_o.gif)
-
(I'm the first guy in white, the second guy is my team-mate...if you can believe that ::) )
(http://galileoace.com/Misc/BentBackstab_1.jpg)
(http://galileoace.com/Misc/BentBackstab_2.jpg)
(http://galileoace.com/Misc/BentBackstab_3.jpg)
-
I am sure people are already figuring out glitches. The swordflying and sword warping in Halo 2 was awesome before they patched it online. Could get to the top of some stages, crazy shit.
-
Well its funny if you have played Halo.
(http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1002/1414602308_2ce28c6eca_o.gif)
carp. now i want to play Halo. the graphic is awesome. i wanna play Halo with Ryan Donowho.
(http://www.indiewire.com/ots/photos/onthescene_040716ipop_Ryan.jpg)
he would have to sit next to the TV so i could look at him while i played.
-
(http://halbot.haluze.sk/images/2006-03/1986_jak_rozesmat_kraliky.jpg)
-
angel fluffy bunnahs! :)
-
Well its funny if you have played Halo.
(http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1002/1414602308_2ce28c6eca_o.gif)
carp. now i want to play Halo. the graphic is awesome.
It is awesome! What I think is really cool, though, is the gun that can knock down a flying jeep and not throw the one shooting it backwards with the same energy from recoil.
-
Well its funny if you have played Halo.
(http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1002/1414602308_2ce28c6eca_o.gif)
carp. now i want to play Halo. the graphic is awesome.
It is awesome! What I think is really cool, though, is the gun that can knock down a flying jeep and not throw the one shooting it backwards with the same energy from recoil.
What gun? That clip only has the Gravity Hammer and a Plasma Grenade in it.
-
Well its funny if you have played Halo.
(http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1002/1414602308_2ce28c6eca_o.gif)
carp. now i want to play Halo. the graphic is awesome.
It is awesome! What I think is really cool, though, is the gun that can knock down a flying jeep and not throw the one shooting it backwards with the same energy from recoil.
sweet. can you drive it?
-
angel fluffy bunnahs! :)
Lol and + to you and reneaden.
-
carp. now i want to play Halo. the graphic is awesome.
It is awesome! What I think is really cool, though, is the gun that can knock down a flying jeep and not throw the one shooting it backwards with the same energy from recoil.
sweet. can you drive it?
Yes, you can drive the Warthog. They even have a mini version.
Yeah the gravity hammer kicks ass kinda. I haven't used it much to be honest. I have always loved the sticky plasma grenades.
-
angel fluffy bunnahs! :)
Lol and + to you and reneaden.
thanks! i'd plus you back but i assume you don't want to upset your magic number. :angel:
-
It looks as if those bunnies are eating marajuana leaves. I have seen that pic before somewhere, can't remember where though.
-
Well its funny if you have played Halo.
(http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1002/1414602308_2ce28c6eca_o.gif)
carp. now i want to play Halo. the graphic is awesome.
It is awesome! What I think is really cool, though, is the gun that can knock down a flying jeep and not throw the one shooting it backwards with the same energy from recoil.
What gun? That clip only has the Gravity Hammer and a Plasma Grenade in it.
"I see", said the blind man with the disconnected telephone. I want them more than ever, now.
-
(http://halbot.haluze.sk/images/2006-03/1986_jak_rozesmat_kraliky.jpg)
:LMAO: :plus:
those are going to be some stoned bunnies. :laugh:
-
i thought those dandelion leaves looked a bit iffy.
-
(http://halbot.haluze.sk/images/2006-03/1986_jak_rozesmat_kraliky.jpg)
:LMAO: :plus:
those are going to be some stoned bunnies. :laugh:
What the fuck are you laughing at? This is not one bit funny! This is a disaster!
:laugh:
-
(http://www.neophi.com/home/danielr/fun/safe.jpg)
-
(http://www.neophi.com/home/danielr/fun/happy_ev.jpg)
-
http://www.actlab.utexas.edu/ephemerata/Anton.html
-
What the fuck are you laughing at? This is not one bit funny! This is a disaster!
:laugh:
WASCALLY WABBITS!
-
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK" she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
"Do you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
-
What the fuck are you laughing at? This is not one bit funny! This is a disaster!
:laugh:
Not really; the fan leaves aren't much good for smoking, and they give a crappy sleepy stone. I used to cook with them sometimes, but if you grow more than a few plants you'll have more than you'd ever want to consume.
-
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK" she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
"Do you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
I'd have explained precisely why the faeces differ.
-
What the fuck are you laughing at? This is not one bit funny! This is a disaster!
:laugh:
Not really; the fan leaves aren't much good for smoking, and they give a crappy sleepy stone. I used to cook with them sometimes, but if you grow more than a few plants you'll have more than you'd ever want to consume.
I know, Peter. I was just trying to be funny and cut-up with Dunc, but I guess he did not see it.
I have grown these beautiful plants before. It is truly a woody perennial and it lives for years where I grew up. My largest plant had a stalk larger than my not-insubstantial bicep muscles and it was four years old and over eight feet high (that includes some careful tending and lots of sexual challenging, by allowing it to flower and preventing it from becoming fertilised) when it was discovered and stolen. I generally composted the sun leaves (we called them) after they would drop in the spring, and dug them into the soil with chicken nesting materials.
The only thing that would really be disastrous is if the plants the rabbits ate were your only seedlings and you had wasted a couple of months of growth time, in the northern climates. It would not matter in the southern climes.
I used to give the seeds to a friend who fought chickens and they made the cocks really nimble on their feet, so he said. I never even bothered to keep the flowers from the plants that had turned hermaphroditic. I had plenty for me and all my friends without even bothering with the lower grade racemes.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdnJxDmJNmA
-
(http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z319/layedpbplayer/1189050451760.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?search=&mode=related&v=8i6Al2M_dMA
-
(http://usera.imagecave.com/iguanasaurusrex/MoreIguana/hockeykidpuke.jpg)
-
Metal loving cat (short vid). (http://www.metalstorm.ee/images/fun/video/metalcat.wmv)
-
http://gallery.whatistheexcel.com/main.php/v/edu/291066616_75d02b4dba_o.jpg.html
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiMWJ1xBo8w
-
.
-
:plus: because I love you, Dawg.
-
*turns red ... OK, redder*
:-*
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiMWJ1xBo8w
Bizarre.
Narrator: "What's the largest number you can think of?"
Idiot: "Umm... one hundred thousand?"
Moron: "Nine hundred and ninety nine thousand."
Imbicille: "A million."
Narrator: "In actual fact, it's neither of these. The largest number is about 45 billion, although mathematicians suspect there may be even larger numbers.
Narrator: "Maths stands for Mathematical Anti-Telharsic Harfatum Septomin. Think of it as the language of numbers, with one equalling A, two equalling 'the', three equalling 'hello' and so on.
-
*turns red ... OK, redder*
:-*
Well how can I not love somenoe who shows me a picture of a blonde hottie with HTML tages for her boobs?
-
(http://img375.imageshack.us/img375/5627/bigcats17wh3.jpg)
(http://www.skrattnet.se/images/joke_pic/1386.jpg)
-
*turns red ... OK, redder*
:-*
Well how can I not love somenoe who shows me a picture of a blonde hottie with HTML tages for her boobs?
Just don't give him your cold! Practice safe yearning! :P
-
*turns red ... OK, redder*
:-*
Well how can I not love somenoe who shows me a picture of a blonde hottie with HTML tages for her boobs?
Just don't give him your cold! Practice safe yearning! :P
I'm moving past a sinus infection, just now. I won't trade!
It's so much better, now!
I figured out that a stealth sumac was blooming in the yard. Sneaking bastard plant! It's my one plant allergy and my reaction to it is new. FUCK!
-
*turns red ... OK, redder*
:-*
Well how can I not love somenoe who shows me a picture of a blonde hottie with HTML tages for her boobs?
Geek!
(I thought it was hilarious, too. :D)
-
My brother is a network monkey for a major university - computers, phones, underground cabling, climbing poles, fishing cables above ceilings, upgrading the entire system every couple of years, the works! They just spent two years getting rid of these exact phones. Imagine his satisfaction upon finding this picture of a dumpster full of them.
(Sorry, Lucifer.)
-
*turns red ... OK, redder*
:-*
Well how can I not love somenoe who shows me a picture of a blonde hottie with HTML tages for her boobs?
Geek!
(I thought it was hilarious, too. :D)
*perks up*
Where?
-
Oh crap I remember training on those exact same types of Cisco IP phones for my VoIP class. That technology is always changing, and after a while in the class they taught us on routers that actually had HTML interfaces instead of doing configs through Hyperterminal. Those things are fucking stupid expensive for what they can do. The problem is that VoIP uses UDP for packet delivery and it is not guaranteed, that is why crap like QoS is necessary (still a hassle). I am not surprised that those phones are obsolete by now. Cisco are such whores anyways.
-
(http://img375.imageshack.us/img375/5627/bigcats17wh3.jpg)
(http://www.skrattnet.se/images/joke_pic/1386.jpg)
Tiger stew!
-
The problem is that VoIP uses UDP for packet delivery and it is not guaranteed, that is why crap like QoS is necessary (still a hassle).
UDP is exactly what you want for
telephone though.
-
The problem is that VoIP uses UDP for packet delivery and it is not guaranteed, that is why crap like QoS is necessary (still a hassle).
UDP is exactly what you want for
telephone though.
Yeah for bandwidth concerns, but it still is not guaranteed so packets can be and do get lost. Some of the codecs sound shitty too, but that is another issue and also related to bandwidth. Not to mention having to have a generator or battery backup so your phones don't go offline every time you lose electricity.
-
JHFCBOAGDSITPR!!!!
Somebody say something funny!
(I never meant to start all this shit.)
-
(http://www.industrialandmarine.com/ikeaninja.gif)
-
Yeah for bandwidth concerns, but it still is not guaranteed so packets can be and do get lost.
Right, but you also don't really mind missing a few packets.
Plus, UDP is so inherently unfair, that as long as it's only
a small part of the overall traffic, you can steal bandwidth
from silly TCP users. :green:
-
.
-
.
-
Yeah for bandwidth concerns, but it still is not guaranteed so packets can be and do get lost.
Right, but you also don't really mind missing a few packets.
Plus, UDP is so inherently unfair, that as long as it's only
a small part of the overall traffic, you can steal bandwidth
from silly TCP users. :green:
I know why it works. Just after that you need QoS (Quality of Service) and is different on the router side. Not really a good thing either bandwith wise. Especially not for security. Great for VoIP if you aren't a target of spyware and such even with QoS.
http://voip.about.com/od/voipbasics/a/voipproblems.htm
http://voip.about.com/od/security/a/SecuThreats.htm (this is the big problem for some businesses)
http://pcworld.about.com/news/May052005id120668.htm
-
<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.
<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> fucking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was
-
^ :laugh:
(http://www.cleverlittlepod.com/bugroffx.jpg)
Just for us!
-
(http://www.industrialandmarine.com/ikeaninja.gif)
:laugh: :plus:
-
<jumper comic>
AWESOME.
-
<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother fucker
_________
<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a fucken impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally
_________
<Sonium> someone speak python here?
<lucky> HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
<lucky> SSSSS
<Sonium> the programming language
________
<link>once upon a midnight dreary, while i porn surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.
<hokage> *cries*, scary....
_______
<DannyB> some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet
<DannyB> i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back
<DannyB> and can reload from there if i die
<DannyB> she was confused
_______
:laugh: Some more here: http://www.bash.org/?top
-
<jumper comic>
AWESOME.
:agreed:
-
(http://www.marcofolio.net/images/stories/fun/imagedump/demotivational_posters/powerleveling.jpg)
-
Steven Wright:
“So I’ve been e-mailing my answering machine which has been sending faxes to my cellular subconscious which has call waiting so in case I’m thinking about something else I can get back to myself later.â€
“I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit but it wouldn’t matter.â€
“I went to take her out. Her father said, ‘I want her home by eight fifteen.' I said, ‘The middle of August? That’s cool.’â€
-
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!! DON'T FUCKING GO IN MY CLOSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!?!?! GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'LL END YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23Te7QAsH6w)"
:lol:
-
Good to see you here.
The first cat reminds me of
one we had when I was young.
The camera man seems to have
some issues, however.
-
Polish man goes into off-licence.
Says to man behind counter:
"Could you recommend me your finest port?"
And the shopkeeper says to him:
"Aye, Southampton - now fuck off!"
:lol:
-
zer0, that was such a laugh. Saw it about six months ago but still laughed just as much today. I have a feeling that guy rarely yells at his cats like that, judging by the looks of complete shock on their faces.
:plus:
-
I suggest that you don't watch this at work, and remove the kiddies from the room before clicking on this. This a clip from a movie I plan on buying soon. So funny but oh so wrong.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=4CZObgajyAU&search=grandma%27s%20boy
"This video has been removed due to terms of use violation."
:(
-
TEQUILA TEST--a good un here
A guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.
He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it.
He approaches the bartender and asks. "What's up with the jar?"
Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money.."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the threetests?"
Pay first, those are the rules." says the bartender. So the man giveshim the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.
OK," the bartender says. "Here's what you need to do:
First , You have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once...and you can't make a face while doing it.
Second, There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth.. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.
Third. - There's a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never had asexual experience in her life and has always wanted to give it a try. You've gotta make things right for her."
The man is stunned. "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot, I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila,and then do those other things..."
Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."
As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks,Wherez zat tequila?"
He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp.Tears streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.
Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soon the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside.
They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then silence.
Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.
Now," he says. "Where's the old woman with the sore tooth?
-
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1771556
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1776175
Internet forum rules
in the corporate world.
-
my friend emailed me this link, and i've pissed myself!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU
so i watched this one too, and cracked up again:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-jVAHAuiS4&mode=related&search=
"get your hand off my tail; you'll make it dirty"!
:LMAO:
-
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=LkNvQYiM6bw
got this from Pea, kills me. :laugh:
dunno if he posted it here already.
-
(http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1284/1490471845_3dd2933943.jpg?v=0)
(http://www.photopumpkin.com/wp-content/uploads/english_in_japan_1.gif)
-
Noob is incorrect, because of the hyphon
con- or anti- would have been the correct
answers. :calandale:
-
Noob is incorrect, because of the hyphon
con- or anti- would have been the correct
answers. :calandale:
nerd ;)
-
noob.
-
PRO
-
(http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/217/nemo1wj9.gif)
(http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/1474/nemo2yy8.gif)
(http://img128.imageshack.us/img128/8605/nemo3ii4.gif)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pPlFrmkXlE
-
He's a card I got at the store the photo's a has some glare but it's the best I could get
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/025.jpg)
-
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
And:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the
weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
-
:plus:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TXjtbl2y3U
Prank call fun.
-
Boot shopping for lucifer (though halfway through)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=o-VtPT36r-I
-
Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
-
Parts, you do know that you are going to burn in Hell for that! :laugh: Make sure you look me up when you get there! >:D :evillaugh:
-
(http://www.jamesshuggins.com/i/hum1/addicted.jpg)
-
awesome! :laugh: i always wanted one of those!
-
:laugh: Laptop.
Post from the tub,
when I'm at my worst.
-
be careful. :P
-
I'll wear a condom.
-
will your laptop wear a swimsuit?
-
Your laptop will need the Urban Sombrero.
-
I think as long as one is protected,
'tis okay.
-
.
-
.
SOunds like he needs some "head". :eyebrows:
-
Schrödinger's jihadi:
-
Schrödinger's jihadi:
Nice they have their facts straight :P
-
Schrödinger's jihadi:
the picture didn't make me laugh so much as your caption did. :plus: :lol:
-
Schrödinger's jihadi:
the picture didn't make me laugh so much as your caption did. :plus: :lol:
:agreed:
Excellent work, Peter.
-
:plus:
:rofl:
-
Clever! :D :plus:
-
Schrödinger's jihadi:
Pretty damned deterministic of them.
-
(http://www.kevinbloodywilson.com/site/dirtyphotos/pics/43.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICW7eVlzhDc
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzmBaBNhTLM
This guy is great!
-
(http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p209/renaeden/Internetuse.jpg)
-
Diagnosing Cruella De Vil.
A. Qualitative impairment in social interaction,
as manifested by at least two of the following:
1) marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviours such
as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures
to regulate social interaction;
I don't believe so but how would I know if she meets that part or not. I can't read body language myself very well or don't understand it.
2) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental
level;
Yep. No friends, is by herself even though she has employees and servants but those aren't peers. They're her workers.
3) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests or
achievments with other people (eg: by a lack of showing, bringing,
or pointing out objects of interest to other people);
Defently. She is not interested in other people and cares about them and she is only into herself.
4) lack of social or emotional reciprocity.
I'd say yes because she doesn't care about other people so she will not respond to their emotions appropiataly and I don't think she is very social except when it comes to business.
B. Restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behaviour, interests,
and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:
1) encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and
restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity
or focus;
Yes. She is obsessed with fur and is obsessed with spots in 102 Dalmatians.
2) apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines
or rituals;
Yes. She wants everything her way.
3) stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (eg: hand or finger
flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements);
No
4) persistent preoccupation with parts of objects
No
C. The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social,
occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
I'd say so.
D. There is no clinically significant general delay in language
(eg: single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by
age 3 years).
I don't think she had a speech delay unless she had hearing loss or was born deaf or had another medical problem that would cause her to be speech delayed.
E. There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in
the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behaviour
(other than social interaction), and curiosity about the environment in
childhood.
Yes.
F. Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental
Disorder, or Schizophrenia.
Yes. She isn't a schizo and she doesn't have Rhett's or childhood dingintive (sp) dysfuntion and she doesn't meet the autistic criteria.
My diagnoses for her is Baspie.
-
:headexplode:
-
Well, these aren't as painful,
but
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWKOXvQ-TII&NR=1
-
The perfect response to social networking discussion (http://www.isolatr.com).
-
It's the psycho crazy jesus woman!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6B9GlayKS_0&mode=related&search=)
-
What about Ann Coulter?
"America would be soo much better off if everyone was Christian."
:D
-
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/440364/sexy_role_play/
-
What about Ann Coulter?
"America would be soo much better off if everyone was Christian."
:D
That's not true!!! America would be better off if we were all Muslim, 'cause then the terrorists wouldn't attack us anymore 'cause Islam is a religion of peace. ;) ::) ::) ::)
-
What about Ann Coulter?
"America would be soo much better off if everyone was Christian."
:D
That's not true!!! America would be better off if we were all Muslim, 'cause then the terrorists wouldn't attack us anymore 'cause Islam is a religion of peace. ;) ::) ::) ::)
Well it's no less a religion of peace than Christianity.
(x) is a religion of peace. :lol:
-
Pastafarianism is a religion of peace. except for the whole pirates thing, ARRR :arrr:
-
Additions to the "Poopie List".
Richard Simmons Poopie- You poopie so much you lose 30 pounds.
Corn Poopie- Self Explanatory!
Liquid Poopie- The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splatters all over the toilet, and at the same time chronically burns your tender poop chute.
Mexican Food Poopie- It smells so bad the room is condemned.
Fisherman's Bobber Poopie- That's the kind where you're in the public rest-room, and there are two people waiting for your stall. You poopie and flush two times, but several golf ball-sized pieces are still floating on the water..
The VanGough Poopie- That's where after you poopie, you are shocked to see all the different colors in your poopie, and try to figure out what you ate to do it again.
The Show-and-Tell Poopie- You're so impressed with your own poopie, you leave it in the bowl so all your friends can appreciate it too.
The Wipers Nightmare- That's the kind that breaks off too soon, so half falls in to the bowl and half stays hanging.
Paralyzing Poopie- When you're sitting poopie-ing so long your legs fall asleep.
He Just Poopied, Poopie- When you get done poopie-ing, you put your shorts back on and go out in public with those identifying bright red pressure circles on the back of your legs for all to see.
The "What Crawled Up Your Butt & Died?" Poopie- Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.
The Snake Charmer Poopie- A long skinny poopie which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.
The Ritual Poopie- This poopie occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
The Ranger Poopie- A poopie which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
The Porridge Poopie- The type that comes out like toothpaste, and justkeeps on coming. You have two choices: 1) Flush and keep going. 2) Risk it piling up to your crack while you sit there helpless.
The Peek-A-Boo Poopie- Now you see it, now you don't! This poopie is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.
The Mood Enhancer- This poopie occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
The "I Think I'm A Bunny" Poopie- When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
The "I'm Going To Chew My Food Better" Poopie- When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your poop shoot on the way out in the morning.
The Crowd Pleaser- This poopie is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
The Cliffhanger- Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off, because if you wipe now it's going to smear all over the place.
The Terminator- You poopie so hard you fall off the toilet.
The Pool Poopie- Usually performed by younger children. It's too much fun in the pool so why get out? Makes a great floatie toy afterwards!
Lost Poopie- That's when there's a poopie in the urinal.
-
________________________
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys". I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ..promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted."
________________________
-
________________________
I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ..promise!
________________________
GA's your WIFE now? :laugh:
-
Argh, that is why I put those lines there! I didn't want to quote it because the writing is smaller and now I have just realised when writing this that I can quote it and make the writing bigger so I think I will just go and do that right now to avoid being mistaken for a male and being asked if GA is my wife. :P
-
Oh, I KNOW you're female; and GA's male.
Just figured you had taken to wearing the
pants. Leaving him at home, to go out
with the guys and all.
-
How LOTR should have ended
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnUvw1rzziE&mode=related&search=
-
How the US is governed.
(http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/5/55/Separation_of_Powers.jpg/350px-Separation_of_Powers.jpg)
-
How the US is governed.
(http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/5/55/Separation_of_Powers.jpg/350px-Separation_of_Powers.jpg)
They forgot to include the most powerful lobbying orginization in D.C. .................. AARP.
-
Oh, I KNOW you're female; and GA's male.
Just figured you had taken to wearing the
pants. Leaving him at home, to go out
with the guys and all.
Maybe I'm more of a homebody :P
-
Or, homebooty. Oh, maybe not. Sorry.
-
LAFF GODDAM IT LAFF YOU FRICKIN BACKSTARD OR I'LL DISMANTLE YOUR JOINTS AND HANG YOUR BITS ON THE WALL. LAFFFFF DAMN IT!
-
If you hurt someone (even me) I'll laugh.
-
Kill a thousand war orphans and I'll consider thinking about laughing.
-
Kill a thousand politicians and I'll definitely laugh! :evillaugh:
-
In case you haven't seen it yet, Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager (http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=chad+vader) PWNS!!!
-
:plus:
-
Click this link to see the greatest art project I have ever seen. http://www.spermcube.org/
-
Link didn't work for me.
-
Link didn't work for me.
It didn't work for me either.
-
How about this:
Don't You Laugh (Japanese Game Show)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFX25FTDkio
-
Link didn't work for me.
It didn't work for me either.
Did for me, but slow as hell.
-
Halloween Buddha
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/100_4449.jpg)
A few keys
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/100_4450.jpg)
-
This is from George Carlin. I tend to think of him as a humourist, but he is also a deepish thinker.
Here is my problem with the ten commandments- why exactly are there 10?
You simply do not need ten. The list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. Here's what happened:
About 5,000 years ago a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people and keep them in line. They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so they announced that God had given them some commandments, up on a mountain, when no one was around.
Well let me ask you this- when they were making this shit up, why did they pick 10? Why not 9 or 11? I'll tell you why- because 10 sound official. Ten sounds important! Ten is the basis for the decimal system, it's a decade, it's a psychologically satisfying number (the top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed). So having ten commandments was really a marketing decision! It is clearly a bullshit list. It's a political document artificially inflated to sell better. I will now show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list that's a little more workable and logical. I am going to use the Roman Catholic version because those were the ones I was taught as a little boy.
Let's start with the first three:
I AM THE LORD THY GOD THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME
THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN
THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH
Right off the bat the first three are pure bullshit. Sabbath day? Lord's name? strange gods? Spooky language! Designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent civilized humans in the 21st century. So now we're down to 7. Next:
HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER
Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is that obedience and respect shouldn't be automatic. They should be earned and based on the parent's performance. Some parents deserve respect, but most of them don't, period. You're down to six.
Now in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we're going to jump around the list a little bit.
THOU SHALT NOT STEAL
THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS
Stealing and lying. Well actually, these two both prohibit the same kind of behavior- dishonesty. So you don't really need two you combine them and call the commandment "thou shalt not be dishonest". And suddenly you're down to 5.
And as long as we're combining I have two others that belong together:
THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY
THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE
Once again, these two prohibit the same type of behavior. In this case it is marital infidelity. The difference is- coveting takes place in the mind. But I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else's wife because what is a guy gonna think about when he's waxing his carrot? But, marital infidelity is a good idea so we're gonna keep this one and call it "thou shalt not be unfaithful". And suddenly we're down to four.
But when you think about it, honesty and infidelity are really part of the same overall value so, in truth, you could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments and give them simpler language, positive language instead of negative language and call the whole thing "thou shalt always be honest and faithful" and we're down to 3.
THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR"S GOODS
This one is just plain fuckin' stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods is what keeps the economy going! Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays "o come o ye faithful", and you want one too! Coveting creates jobs, so leave it alone. You throw out coveting and you're down to 2 now- the big honesty and fidelity commandment and the one we haven't talked about yet:
THOU SHALT NOT KILL
Murder. But when you think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, Cashmire, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folks take thou shalt not kill. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who's doin the killin' and who's gettin' killed. So, with all of this in mind, I give you my revised list of the two commandments:
Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie.
&
Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you.
Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fuckin' pocket. I wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama posting them on the courthouse wall, as long as they provided one additional commandment:
Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.
-
The first commandment is the important one.
It is the basis of any reasonable rebellion.
-
(http://random.unk.fi/kimi_satsit_naamalla.jpg)
-
(http://blogs.jobdig.com/wwds/files/2007/05/reserved-for-drunk-drivers.jpg)
-
How about a lovely poem? :angel:
The A-train never stops
And I am headed for your hole
I'd be so lucky if I
Could cream in your asshole
There's so much shit that we
Could make each other do
I'd rather fuck your asshole
If that's OK with you
Here comes the honey
When I am through
But I am not done cause
Your asshole is so new
Open up wide, here comes the train
If your head was between your legs
Id love to screw your brain
Let me lick your asshole
Let me lick it clean
I'll take you all to starfish land
I'll suck out all the peanuts
I'll suck out all the beans
I'll tongue fuck your rectum
I'll drive up your dirt road
I'll felch out my own semen
And spit it down your throat
I love bunnies
I love pink
I love my moms underpants
Especially when they stink
I love rainbows
I love balloons
I cried at Forrest Gump
And disney cartoons
Boba Fett, Boba Fett
Vader and Boba Fett
Lubed up mustard glove
Anal love
Traveling butt raping show
Steal a Mercedes
And grab the old ladies
And grease up your O
She said that I could touch it
She said she'd let me in
I warmed her up with my middle finger
Some anal ease and gin
My wang was in her crap trap
Just about to explode
Her 30 year old stepmom
Came in and drank my load.
-
More of a love poem. :laugh:
-
:plus: for what the person down there is going to say V
-
The poster above is a karma giving slut.
-
:laugh:
-
Speaking of karma, mine just went into overdrive. ::)
-
You got the the Dali Lama's karma now!
-
Does that mean he has mine?
-
Does that mean he has mine?
Oh that would be tough on him. But he's a resilient aul fella. I'm sure he'd be OK. :meditate:
-
Why do they call him the dali lama, I thought dolly was a sheep?
-
Why do they call him the dali lama, I thought dolly was a sheep?
Yeah, would that make him a meadow-tator then?
-
(http://random.unk.fi/kimi_satsit_naamalla.jpg)
:laugh:
poor Kimi.
(http://blogs.jobdig.com/wwds/files/2007/05/reserved-for-drunk-drivers.jpg)
:LMAO:
-
This bitch really knows how to do it doggy style. :eyebrows:
(http://www.bestiality.us/wp-content/uploads/2006/05/137_3702.jpg)
-
It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet. Why don't you have a seat?"
Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.
"Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it!"
Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby so he asks Carrie's dad to please repeat himself.
"Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"
A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out of the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad, it's called the twist!"
-
It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet. Why don't you have a seat?"
Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.
"Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it!"
Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby so he asks Carrie's dad to please repeat himself.
"Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"
A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out of the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad, it's called the twist!"
:laugh:
-
(http://blockbot.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/pikachu.jpg)
Welcome to Japan...!?
-
:plus: Ren.
-
(http://www.roflcats.com/images/0226.jpg)
(http://www.roflcats.com/images/0213.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGuCFE2AO-4
Ouch?
-
I did a very strange AS Thing at work yesterday. I was putting together a display to set out in the middle of the walkway, which will be loaded with various configurations of computer memory. The promotional angle is that they will donate a tiny percent of the profits from this display to Alzheimer's research. I did not understand that, at first.
So here I am putting this thing together from boxes of "little pieces parts" and I pull out the signs and it all says "Alzheimer's" on it. I said that I thought it was really weird that a supposedly popular company that makes computer memory would call their new stuff Alzheimer's. Why the fuck would anyone want to buy memory with Alzheimer's, etc. etc. ...
It all had to be explained to me in detail, before I got it. I felt a little stupid.
:hide:
:D
-
Hadron:> "That isn't maths, its arithmetic."
:lol:
Nice one :clap:
-
Hadron:> "That isn't maths, its arithmetic."
:lol:
Nice one :clap:
I know. Heres an analogy for you...
“Arithmetic is to mathematics as spelling is to writing.â€
-
That analogy is flawed.
These are more accurate.
"Numbers is to mathematics as letters is to language."
"Arithmetic is to mathematics as words are to sentences."
-
That analogy is flawed.
These are more accurate.
"Numbers is to mathematics as letters is to language."
"Arithmetic is to mathematics as words are to sentences."
Arithmetic is doing sums. It requires no maths skill as such. What maths is about is the problem solving skills.
-
"Numbers is to mathematics as letters is to language."
Not all mathematics is concerned with numbers.
"Arithmetic is to mathematics as words are to sentences."
And again.
-
"Numbers is to mathematics as letters is to language."
Not all mathematics is concerned with numbers.
It's not?
-
"Numbers is to mathematics as letters is to language."
Not all mathematics is concerned with numbers.
It's not?
No. Geometry is the easiest example,
actually. Sure, you can express it numerically,
but that's not necessary. Formal logics are
also a branch of mathematics, and they don't
deal in numbers (unless you want to consider
True and False numbers - but that's just a matter
of convention).
-
All mathematics deals with numbers. When you get to the core of it. Even geometry.
-
Everything deals with numbers,
if you want to take it to that extreme.
Letters are merely symbols, which can
be counted. One can formalize anything
as a numeric system, so math is no different
from anything else.
Kinda like the prison joke, where all jokes
are assigned numbers.
-
All mathematics deals with numbers. When you get to the core of it. Even geometry.
Depends on what you count as a number, I suppose. As far as what someone would commonly term a number, Complex analysis and cardinality can be mainly left out, its too abstract really. To a common outsider i doubt you could go further than Rationals, tbh.
-
ANYTHING can be considered a number.
Look at Godel's proof, for such an example.
-
:popcorn:
I find this one an amusing read. :)
-
:popcorn:
I find this one an amusing read. :)
Me too, but probably not for quite the same reasons you do. :laugh:
-
ANYTHING can be considered a number.
Look at Godel's proof, for such an example.
Infinity :)
-
ANYTHING can be considered a number.
Look at Godel's proof, for such an example.
Infinity :)
The concept itself can be.
-
ANYTHING can be considered a number.
Look at Godel's proof, for such an example.
Infinity :)
The concept itself can be.
Try treating it as a number in an exam and see what happens. You would learn an awful lot about another number in the process, I suspect.
-
So, are you claiming that Aleph-0 is NOT a number?
-
So, are you claiming that Aleph-0 is NOT a number?
Can you do arithmetic with Aleph-0?
-
So, are you claiming that Aleph-0 is NOT a number?
Can you do arithmetic with Aleph-0?
http://mathworld.wolfram.com/Aleph-0.html
-
:popcorn:
I find this one an amusing read. :)
No SHIT!
:D
-
"Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted."
-
http://www.worth1000.com/cache/gallery/contestcache.asp?contest_id=7920&display=photoshop
-
"Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted."
I knew we could count on you to tell us that!
-
"Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted."
I knew we could count on you to tell us that!
Actually that was Einstein :)
-
"Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted."
I knew we could count on you to tell us that!
Actually that was Einstein :)
Good ol' Albert ;)
-
All that is gold does not glitter?
-
Gary glitters?
-
Gary glitters?
Gary diddles with teh little critters?
-
then tries to take them up the shitters?
-
(http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4391/914/320/phone2.jpg)
-
(http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4391/914/320/phone2.jpg)
Yes and it's even worse when you are trying to sift through the phone menus at an insurance company. That is actually important that they get it right, but they don't really give a shit!
-
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/only_road_sign110307a.jpg)
-
:lol:
-
(http://home.cogeco.ca/~choot/forkoolyass.JPG)
-
There once was a necrophile, a fetishist, a sadist, a masochist, a zoophile and a coprophile and they were bored.
So the zoophile said: Hey guys, let's fuck a cat!
Everyone was thinking it was a little odd til' the necrophile said: And then we kill it and fuck it again!
The sadist said: But before we kill it we torture it!
The coprophile said: And then we take a dump on it!
The fetishist giggled and said: I want to make a fur of it after we're done!
Everyone was excited by this idea, but then realised the masochist hadn't said anything, so they asked what he thought about this whole idea.
The masochist answered: Meow?
-
(http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4391/914/320/phone2.jpg)
Yes and it's even worse when you are trying to sift through the phone menus at an insurance company. That is actually important that they get it right, but they don't really give a shit!
The best way to do this, is to just start mashing numbers, and they'll think you're a retard and get you directly to a person. The other thing to do is to start yelling at the recorded voice, I know it sounds stupid, but they actually monitor your voice for signs of aggravation.
-
There once was a necrophile, a fetishist, a sadist, a masochist, a zoophile and a coprophile and they were bored.
So the zoophile said: Hey guys, let's fuck a cat!
Everyone was thinking it was a little odd til' the necrophile said: And then we kill it and fuck it again!
The sadist said: But before we kill it we torture it!
The coprophile said: And then we take a dump on it!
The fetishist giggled and said: I want to make a fur of it after we're done!
Everyone was excited by this idea, but then realised the masochist hadn't said anything, so they asked what he thought about this whole idea.
The masochist answered: Meow?
:laugh:
-
Can't anybody take a good picture of him every one I see in the news makes me want to laugh
-
(http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4391/914/320/phone2.jpg)
Yes and it's even worse when you are trying to sift through the phone menus at an insurance company. That is actually important that they get it right, but they don't really give a shit!
The best way to do this, is to just start mashing numbers, and they'll think you're a retard and get you directly to a person. The other thing to do is to start yelling at the recorded voice, I know it sounds stupid, but they actually monitor your voice for signs of aggravation.
HAHA. I set that thing off unknowingly once. I had a hunch they had it rigged up to do that.
-
Can't anybody take a good picture of him every one I see in the news makes me want to laugh
Gods, he looks like shit now.
It's not a good job.
-
Can't anybody take a good picture of him every one I see in the news makes me want to laugh
Gods, he looks like shit now.
It's not a good job.
It looks like it was photoshopped but I got it straight from yahoo news
He is looking bad Chaney must be sucking extra blood out these days :P
-
Positions of constant stress do that.
I remember seeing Lee before and
after the war. Huge difference. And
that was just four years. He went from
looking like a middle aged man (which is what
he was) to the old grandfather figure we're used
to.
-
lolzors. (http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/s/1022757_cool_cash_card_confusion)
-
Feline Pillow Talk (http://www.ugoto.com/video_feline_pillow_talk.html)
-
(http://hacked.free-bsd.org/funstuff/pics/bike_corner.jpg)
-
A cross between Star Trek: First Contact, 300 and The Goonies...
(http://i242.photobucket.com/albums/ff183/cptlzr/truffleshuffle300fm2.gif)
-
(http://www.units.muohio.edu/psybersite/Humor/nseq522.gif)
(http://www.funkysmell.com/Comics/fsc79_tattoos.jpg)
-
(http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4391/914/320/phone2.jpg)
Yes and it's even worse when you are trying to sift through the phone menus at an insurance company. That is actually important that they get it right, but they don't really give a shit!
The best way to do this, is to just start mashing numbers, and they'll think you're a retard and get you directly to a person. The other thing to do is to start yelling at the recorded voice, I know it sounds stupid, but they actually monitor your voice for signs of aggravation.
I was paying a utility bill over the telephone using their automated system, which I do all the time.
Suddenly for no reason that I could see, it hooked me up with a real person.
This real person told me that the quickest way to get a person when dealing with an automated system is to swear at it. The voice recognition software is programmed to immediately connect you with a real person if you say a swear word.
I did not swear, however.
:laugh:
-
(http://www.pugdogposse.com/images/06009_crabby.jpg)
(http://www.pugdogposse.com/images/06021_boo_boo.jpg)
(http://www.pugdogposse.com/images/07003_girl.jpg)
-
There once was a necrophile, a fetishist, a sadist, a masochist, a zoophile and a coprophile and they were bored.
So the zoophile said: Hey guys, let's fuck a cat!
Everyone was thinking it was a little odd til' the necrophile said: And then we kill it and fuck it again!
The sadist said: But before we kill it we torture it!
The coprophile said: And then we take a dump on it!
The fetishist giggled and said: I want to make a fur of it after we're done!
Everyone was excited by this idea, but then realised the masochist hadn't said anything, so they asked what he thought about this whole idea.
The masochist answered: Meow?
LOL!!!!
-
(http://www.few.vu.nl/~wrvhage/images/pavlov.gif)
And some Universal Truths
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) the most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) the most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
-
(http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Rob/charlesboyfriend.png)
(http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/rfreud.jpg)
-
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
What if they're carrying a rottweiler?
-
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
What if they're carrying a rottweiler?
In that case respect would be because the man is able to carry a rottweiler. (not a puppy)
Aaaand that is a list I copied. I thought it was funny.
-
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
What if they're carrying a rottweiler?
In that case respect would be because the man is able to carry a rottweiler. (not a puppy)
How much respect would an adult great Dane get me?
-
A substantial amount I would assume...
-
...as long as you weren't 'carrying' it on your back. :green:
-
...as long as you weren't 'carrying' it on your back. :green:
Yeah... No respect there ;)
-
(http://www.birdandmoon.com/rostuff/vulch44.gif)
(http://carryabigsticker.com/images/war_on_environment_500.gif)
-
Nice name
-
:rofl:
Oh, the ballz it took to paint that on their van!
-
Nice name
So does their air conditioning make it colder than "a witches tit in a brass bra in January"!!!!!????? :evillaugh:
-
Sorry, I don't mean to sound terrible but I stumbled across this on YouTube and it's just a little too corny with the music. It's almost like South Park or something. I was waiting for a ultrasound shot of a penis going at it in a vagina or something....well, the SP team could have fun with this one!
ie; Like the sex scene in Team America.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmtKTx6Dj3c
-
A message I received and modified:
Date:
08 Nov 2007, 22:36
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject:
All the ways to find your victims on MySpace!
Body:
Hi Everyone,
There are new features on the site that make it even easier for you to find and stay in touch with your victims on MySpace!
Victim Finder: Use it to search your Yahoo, Gmail and AOL address books to see which of your victims are already on MySpace. Click here to try it out now!
Victim Search & Sorting: Sort your victims alphabetically, or only show those online, recently added, or by age. Check out the search & drop downs on the view victims page! Click here to try it out now!
Privacy & Spam Controls. We have new privacy & spam controls which can stop any unwanted contact you may receive. Block cease and desist orders with ease! Click here to try it out now!
Tagging Photos & Unlimited Photos. Now you can upload as many as you want, and use our new photo uploader to easily upload multiple photos. You can even tag your victims and link to their profiles! Click here to try it out now!
I know some people like MySpace just the way it is, if you don't like the new user home page, you can change back to the old one by clicking "classic view." Check the image below to see how you change it back:
Hope you have fun with these features! Don't get caught!
Tom
-
lol, just like Tom!
-
On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.
"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the attendant.
"Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a kafir. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!"
"Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class".
The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returns with the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help but look at the people around her with a smug and self-satisfied grin.
"Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in first class".
Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess continues: "It is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit next such an obnoxious person."
With that, she turned to the black man and said: "So if you'd like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you..."
At which point, the surrounding passengers stood and gave a standing ovation while the man walked to the front of the plane.
_________
Haha serves her right.
-
Video Game Medley and Marching Drill
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QNI3W8UB-s
Quite impressive.
-
That was awesome. I knew most of those tunes.
The tetris patterns made me laugh! :plus: GA.
-
haha tetris is much harder than that. :laugh:
i loved the mario flag and castle at the end. :) i love mario.
-
On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.
"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the attendant.
"Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a kafir. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!"
"Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class".
The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returns with the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help but look at the people around her with a smug and self-satisfied grin.
"Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in first class".
Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess continues: "It is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit next such an obnoxious person."
With that, she turned to the black man and said: "So if you'd like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you..."
At which point, the surrounding passengers stood and gave a standing ovation while the man walked to the front of the plane.
_________
Haha serves her right.
haha i knew she was gonna give it to him. :green:
-
I had a feeling that she was too, but I'm still glad that it turned out that way.
-
(http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/media/media/gm-writersstrike.jpg)
(http://www.penny-arcade.com/images/2004/20040319h.jpg)
-
(http://a716.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/29/l_d33bf397a09bf847e1afaf7c054b8e53.jpg)
-
Renaeden's airplane joke reminded me of this one:
A woman from Texas and another from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The woman from Texas, being friendly and all, said: “So, where are you from?†The New York woman said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.†The woman from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: “So, where are you from, bitch?â€
-
Renaeden's airplane joke reminded me of this one:
A woman from Texas and another from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The woman from Texas, being friendly and all, said: “So, where are you from?†The New York woman said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.†The woman from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: “So, where are you from, bitch?â€
:clap:
:plus:
-
http://www.fatcatsinpartyhats.com/
Made me laugh.
This is hilarious as well and has to do with Halo taking over the world.
http://www.loadingreadyrun.com/videos/view/228
-
On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.
"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the attendant.
"Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a kafir. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!"
"Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class".
The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returns with the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help but look at the people around her with a smug and self-satisfied grin.
"Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in first class".
Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess continues: "It is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit next such an obnoxious person."
With that, she turned to the black man and said: "So if you'd like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you..."
At which point, the surrounding passengers stood and gave a standing ovation while the man walked to the front of the plane.
_________
Haha serves her right.
haha i knew she was gonna give it to him. :green:
... and justly, so! No one should have sit sit next to such a disgusting human as that woman.
:clap:
-
On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.
"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the attendant.
"Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a kafir. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!"
"Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class".
The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returns with the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help but look at the people around her with a smug and self-satisfied grin.
"Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in first class".
Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess continues: "It is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit next such an obnoxious person."
With that, she turned to the black man and said: "So if you'd like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you..."
At which point, the surrounding passengers stood and gave a standing ovation while the man walked to the front of the plane.
_________
Haha serves her right.
True justice....................priceless!!!!!! :laugh:
-
Oh my GOD Ga, I'm laughing so hard I'm wheezing.
-
http://youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs
Powerthirst
http://youtube.com/watch?v=t-3qncy5Qfk
Powerthirst2 - The Re-Domination
-
This is hilarious as well and has to do with Halo taking over the world.
http://www.loadingreadyrun.com/videos/view/228
That would be so weird if people loved Halo that much. :o
-
Never admit to anything when you don't have to:
http://www.break.com/index/wife_prank_call_back_fires.html
-
:laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqOl-WJ7dtA
-
Stop the internet from cockblocking you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IB5ewUMDXdo
-
This guy is a :shol'va:
-
:laugh: :plus:
-
Never admit to anything when you don't have to:
http://www.break.com/index/wife_prank_call_back_fires.html
That joke was funny the first time, when Dave Chapelle told it.
-
Never admit to anything when you don't have to:
http://www.break.com/index/wife_prank_call_back_fires.html
That joke was funny the first time, when Dave Chapelle told it.
Oh Dear. Some secrets are just best to take to the grave!
-
Well, I don't know if this is funny or not, but when it starts to get hot in Australia in summer, the flying cockroaches can buzz their way into your home at the blink of an eye. One must have got in last night.
I'm lying there in a deep sleep and I hear this noise in my room, like huge rustling, I turn the light on, half asleep and see the fucker scurrying around on the floor, then flying around, huge bastard. (Normally these things freak me out, but I was half asleep and the adrenalin must have been going at a rush).
I go into this tirade of abuse, 'like what the fuck do you think you are doing in here you little bastard, I'm not putting up with this shit in the middle of the night you prick', (and rambling further obscenities) pick up the nearest thing which happened to be this evil looking black stilleto shoe and flung it at the bastard thing....the shoe literally spun round like a frisbee through the air, took out the cockroach in one shot, then I bashed the shit out of it on the ground. Then I said something like, 'try coming back for more now, you little fucking bitch' and then went to bed. Lying there, trying to get back to sleep, I wake up more from the previous adrenalin and realise how hysterical the whole episode would have looked and how funny it would have sounded to the neighbours if they heard!
-
lol it would make a funny scene in a movie. aussie movies rule. :laugh:
i also talk to bugs that bug me.
-
heh heh heh bugs....
i believe in bugs, i truly believe in bugs...
if you come into my restaurant at half past four,
you can see the little buggies as they walk on the floor singing,
I believe in bugs, i truly believe in bugs :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SyQaGdABcE
-
So, Dunc the primate walks into restaurant and orders lunch, when he's done he pulls out a gun and shoots at the ceiling and leaves. The startled patron in the next table looks at the waiter and asks, "What was that about??" The Waiter cleans up the mess and explains, "Thats just Dunc the primates way.........
He eats, shoots and leaves."
-
lmao....
+1
-
(http://www.wowt.nl/images/1193031186410.jpg)
-
:: eerie music ::
-
You know any Superhero jokes.
Two men are in a bar, one says to the other, "I bet you fifty dollars I can jump off this building and float like a feather."
The other guy says, "You're on."
They go on top of the roof and the first man jumps off the building and floats down like a feather and comes back up.
The second man hands him the fifty dollars and says, "Whoa, how did you do that?"
The first man says, "It's the air currents. You can jump off the building and float down like a feather,"and the other guy says "Cool" and jumps off the building and hits the ground with a SPLAT.
The bartender comes up to the roof and says, "God Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."
Superman is out flying around and sees Wonderwoman lying naked on the roof sunbathing. He flies down and fucks her quick and flies off. Wonderwoman says "Whoa what was that?" and the Invisible Man says "I don't know but my ass sure hurts."
-
:lol:
Haven't heard those ones before
-
Man of Steel,
Woman of Kleenex
By Larry Niven*
Things of the form (*text*) are footnotes in the original text.
He's faster than a speeding bullet. He's more powerful than a locomotive. He's able to leap tall buildings at a single bound. Why can't he get a girl?
At the ripe old age of thirty-one (*Superman first appeared in Action Comics, June 1938*), Kal-El (alias Superman, alias Clark Kent) is still unmarried. Almost certainly he is still a virgin. This is a serious matter. The species itself is in danger!
An unwed Superman is a mobile Superman. Thus it has been alleged that those who chronicle the Man of Steel's adventures are responsible for his condition. But the cartoonists are not to blame.
Nor is Superman handicapped by psychological problems.
Granted that the poor oaf is not entirely sane. How could he be? He is an orphan, a refugee, and an alien. His homeland no longer exists in any form, save for gigatons upon gigatons of dangerous, prettily colored rocks.
As a child and young adult, Kal-El must have been hard put to find an adequate father-figure. What human could control his antisocial behavior? What human would dare try to punish him? His actual, highly social behavior during this period indicates an inhuman self-restraint.
What wonder if Superman drifted gradually into schizophrenia? Torn between his human and kryptonian identities, he chose to be both, keeping his split personalities rigidly separate. A psychotic desperation is evident in his defense of his "secret identity."
But Superman's sex problems are strictly physiological, and quite real.
The purpose of this article is to point out some medical drawbacks to being a kryptonian among human beings, and to suggest possible solutions. The kryptonian humanoid must not be allowed to go the way of the pterodactyl and the passenger pigeon.
I
What turns on a kryptonian?
Superman is an alien, an extraterrestrial. His humanoid frame is doubtless the result of parallel evolution, as the marsupials of Australia resemble their mammalian counterparts. A specific niche in the ecology calls for a certain shape, a certain size, certain capabilities, certain eating habits.
Be not deceived by appearances. Superman is no relative to homo sapiens.
What arouses Kal-El's mating urge? Did kryptonian women carry some subtle mating cue at appropriate times of the year? Whatever it is, Lois Lane probably didn't have it. We may speculate that she smells wrong, less like a kryptonian woman than like a terrestrial monkey. A mating between Superman and Lois Lane would feel like sodomy-and would be, of course, by church and common law.
II
Assume a mating between Superman and a human woman designated LL for convenience.
Either Superman has gone completely schizo and believes himself to be Clark Kent; or he knows what he's doing, but no longer gives a damn. Thirty-one years is a long time. For Superman it has been even longer. He has X-ray vision; he knows just what he's missing. (*One should not think of Superman as a Peeping Tom. A biological ability must be used. As a child Superman may never have known that things had surfaces, until he learned to suppress his X-ray vision. If millions of people tend shamelessly to wear clothing with no lead in the weave, that is hardly Superman's fault.*)
The problem is this. Electroencephalograms taken of men and women during sexual intercourse show that orgasm resembles "a kind of pleasurable epileptic attack." One loses control over one's muscles.
Superman has been known to leave his fingerprints in steel and in hardened concrete, accidentally. What would he do to the woman in his arms during what amounts to an epileptic fit?
III
Consider the driving urge between a man and a woman, the monomaniacal urge to achieve greater and greater penetration. Remember also that we are dealing with kryptonian muscles.
Superman would literally crush LL's body in his arms, while simultaneously ripping her open from crotch to sternum, gutting her like a trout.
IV
Lastly, he'd blow off the top of her head.
Ejaculation of semen is entirely involuntary in the human male, and in all other forms of terrestrial life. It would be unreasonable to assume otherwise for a kryptonian. But with kryptonian muscles behind it, Kal-El's semen would emerge with the muzzle velocity of a machine gun bullet. (*One can imagine that the Kent home in Smallville was riddled with holes during Superboy's puberty. And why did Lana Lang never notice that?*)
In view of the foregoing, normal sex is impossible between LL and Superman.
Artificial insemination may give us better results.
V
First we must collect the semen. The globules will emerge at transsonic speeds. Superman must first ejaculate, then fly frantically after the stuff to catch it in a test tube. We assume that he is on the Moon, both for privacy and to prevent the semen from exploding into vapor on hitting the air at such speeds.
He can catch the semen, of course, before it evaporates in vacuum. He's faster than a speeding bullet.
But can he keep it?
All known forms of kryptonian life have superpowers. The same must hold true of living kryptonian sperm. We may reasonably assume that kryptonian sperm are vulnerable only to starvation and to green kryptonite; that they can travel with equal ease through water, air, vacuum, glass, brick, boiling steel, solid steel, liquid helium, or the core of a star; and that they are capable of translight velocities.
What kind of a test tube will hold such beasties?
Kryptonian sperm and their unusual powers will give us further trouble. For the moment we will assume (because we must) that they tend to stay in the seminal fluid, which tends to stay in a simple glass tube. Thus Superman and LL can perform artificial insemination.
At least there will be another generation of kryptonians.
Or will there?
VI
A ripened but unfertilized egg leaves LL's ovary, begins its voyage down her Fallopian tube.
Some time later, tens of millions of sperm, released from a test tube, begin their own voyage up LL's Fallopian tube.
The magic moment approaches...
Can human breed with kryptonian? Do we even use the same genetic code? On the face of it, LL could more easily breed with an ear of corn than with Kal-El. But coincidence does happen. If the genes match...
One sperm arrives before the others. It penetrates the egg, forms a lump on it's surface, the cell wall now thickens to prevent other sperm From entering. Within the now-fertilized egg, changes take place...
And ten million kryptonian sperm arrive slightly late.
Were they human sperm, they would be out of luck. But these tiny blind things are more powerful than a locomotive. A thickened cell wall won't stop them. They will *all* enter the egg, obliterating it entirely in an orgy of microscopic gang rape. So much for artificial insemination.
But LL's problems are just beginning.
VII
Within her body there are still tens of millions of frustrated kryptonian sperm. The single egg is now too diffuse to be a target. The sperm scatter.
They scatter without regard to what is in their path. They leave curved channels, microscopically small. Presently all will have found their way to the open air.
That leaves LL with several million microscopic perforations all leading deep into her abdomen. Most of the channels will intersect one or more loops of intestine.
Peritonitis is inevitable. LL becomes desperately ill.
Meanwhile, tens of millions of sperm swarm in the air over Metropolis.
VIII
This is more serious than it looks.
Consider: these sperm are virtually indestructible. Within days or weeks they will die for lack of nourishment. Meanwhile they cannot be affected by heat, cold, vacuum, toxins, or anything short of green kryptonite. (*And other forms of kryptonite. For instance, there are chunks of red kryptonite that make giants of kryptonians. Imagine ten million earthworm size spermatozoa swarming over a Metropolis beach, diving to fertilize the beach balls... but I digress.*) There they are, minuscule but dangerous; for each has supernormal powers.
Metropolis is shaken by tiny sonic booms. Wormholes, charred by meteoric heat, sprout magically in all kinds of things: plate glass, masonry, antique ceramics, electric mixers, wood, household pets, and citizens. Some of the sperm will crack lightspeed. The Metropolis night comes alive with a network of narrow, eerie blue lines of Cherenkov radiation.
And women whom Superman has never met find themselves in a delicate condition.
Consider: LL won't get pregnant because there were too many of the blind mindless beasts. But whenever one sperm approaches an unfertilized human egg in its panic flight, it will attack.
How close is close enough? A few centimeters? Are sperm attracted by chemical cues? It seems likely. Metropolis had a population of millions; and kryptonian sperm could travel a long and crooked path, billions of miles, before it gives up and dies.
Several thousand blessed events seem not unlikely. (*If the pubescent Superboy plays with himself, we have the same problem over Smallville.*)
Several thousand lawsuits would follow. Not that Superman can't afford to pay. There's a trick where you squeeze a lump of coal into its allotropic diamond form...
IX
The above analysis gives us part of the answer. In our experiment in artificial insemination, we must use a single sperm. This presents no difficulty. Superman may use his microscopic vision and a pair of tiny tweezers to pluck a sperm from the swarm.
X
In its eagerness the single sperm may crash through LL's abdomen at transsonic speeds, wreaking havoc. Is there any way to slow it down?
There is. We can expose it to gold kryptonite.
Gold kryptonite, we remember, robs a kryptonian of all of his supernormal powers, permanently. Were we to expose Superman himself to gold kryptonite, we would solve all his sex problems, but he would be Clark Kent forever. We may regard this solution as somewhat drastic.
But we can expose the test tube of seminal fluid to gold kryptonite, then use standard techniques for artificial insemination.
By any of these methods we can get LL pregnant, without killing her. Are we out of the woods yet?
XI
Though exposed to gold kryptonite, the sperm still carries kryptonian genes. If these are recessive, then LL carries a developing human foetus. There will be no more Supermen; but at least we need not worry about the mother's health.
But if some or all of the kryptonian genes are dominant...
Can the infant use his X-ray vision before birth? After all, with such a power he can probably see through his own closed eyelids. That would leave LL sterile. If the kid starts using heat vision, things get even worse.
But when he starts to kick, it's all over. He will kick his way out into open air, killing himself and his mother.
XII
Is there a solution?
There are several. Each has drawbacks.
We can make LL wear a kryptonite (*For our purposes, all forms of kryptonite are available in unlimited quantities. It has been estimated, from the startling tonnage of kryptonite fallen to Earth since the explosion of Krypton, that the planet must have outweighed our entire solar system. Doubtless the "planet" Krypton was a cooling black dwarf star, one of a binary pair, the other member being a red giant.*) belt around her waist. But too little kryptonite may allow the child to damage her, while too much may damage or kill the child. Intermediate amounts may do both! And there is no safe way to experiment.
A better solution is to find a host-mother.
We have not yet considered the existence of a Supergirl. (*She can't mate with Superman because she's his first cousin. And only a cad would suggest differently.*) She could carry the child without harm. But Supergirl has a secret identity, and her secret identity is no more married than Supergirl herself. If she turned up pregnant, she would probably be thrown out of school.
A better solution may be to implant the growing foetus in Superman himself. There are places in a man's abdomen where a foetus could draw adequate nourishment, growing as a parasite, and where it would not cause undue harm to surrounding organs. Presumably Clark Kent can take a leave of absence more easily than Supergirl's schoolgirl alter ego.
When the time comes, the child would be removed by Caesarian section. It would have to be removed early, but there would be no problem with incubators as long as it was fed. I leave the problem of cutting through Superman's invulnerable skin as an exercise for the alert reader.
The mind boggles at the image of a pregnant Superman cruising the skies of Metropolis. Batman would refuse to be seen with him; strange new jokes would circulate the prisons...and the race of Krypton would be safe at last.
http://www.rawbw.com/~svw/superman.html :laugh:
-
Superman sure ain't no virgin, not with those looks.
(http://www.kryptonsite.com/exile-so-gay.jpg)
-
You know any Superhero jokes.
Two men are in a bar, one says to the other, "I bet you fifty dollars I can jump off this building and float like a feather."
The other guy says, "You're on."
They go on top of the roof and the first man jumps off the building and floats down like a feather and comes back up.
The second man hands him the fifty dollars and says, "Whoa, how did you do that?"
The first man says, "It's the air currents. You can jump off the building and float down like a feather,"and the other guy says "Cool" and jumps off the building and hits the ground with a SPLAT.
The bartender comes up to the roof and says, "God Superman, you're a real angel fluffy bunnah when you're drunk."
Superman is out flying around and sees Wonderwoman lying naked on the roof sunbathing. He flies down and fucks her quick and flies off. Wonderwoman says "Whoa what was that?" and the Invisible Man says "I don't know but my ass sure hurts."
Superman is a Dick (http://www.superdickery.com/galleries.html)
-
I leaned back in my recliner to fast today in front of everyone at Thanksgiving of course they had the camera out
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/021.jpg)
-
:lol:
-
I think we've all done one just about like it!
I can remember some hard feelings associated with a bent-wood rocker, once too.
:D
-
Been there, done that.................now my recliner sits near a wall to prevent such things! :P
-
:plus: parts :laugh:
-
I leaned back in my recliner to fast today in front of everyone at Thanksgiving of course they had the camera out
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/021.jpg)
are you pregnant? your ankles look swollen.
-
are you pregnant? your ankles look swollen.
Why yes I am what do you like pregnant boys I read you were feeling gay :eyebrows:
My ankles are both fucked, sprained, once I think broken, so many times the are permanently like this
-
I saw this on the way home from a meeting the other day I found it funny in that someone would cut the branches of a tree and paint it white just really weird
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/016-1.jpg)
-
maybe they are going to decorate it for christmas then finish cutting it down in january.
keep us updated.
-
And people say I'M WEIRD! :P
-
I saw this on the way home from a meeting the other day I found it funny in that someone would cut the branches of a tree and paint it white just really weird
I would have painted it peach, with fingernails.
-
I saw this on the way home from a meeting the other day I found it funny in that someone would cut the branches of a tree and paint it white just really weird
I would have painted it peach, with fingernails.
Yes, I thought it was a hand too.
-
with seven fingers.
-
with seven fingers.
Nothing wrong with a little quirkiness! Seven could come in handy.
-
only Seven i'd wanna get handy with
(http://www.1956packardpanther.com/SevenOfNineJeriRyan.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_vv12NSSZ4
Singing U2 :laugh:
-
only Seven i'd wanna get handy with
(http://www.1956packardpanther.com/SevenOfNineJeriRyan.jpg)
She is moerre awesome in person than her pics can reveal. You may have heard the term "photogenic,.."
She is not.
for me it is the muscles, but that's a diffferent story.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luVjkTEIoJc
:laugh: star trek fun
-
only Seven i'd wanna get handy with
(http://www.1956packardpanther.com/SevenOfNineJeriRyan.jpg)
Somewhere, on one of my external HDDs, I saved pussy shots of Jeri Ryan. I'll have to peruse that dark area for some light when I have a chance.
:laugh:
They are not real, but the "stunt" body is amazingly similarr.
-
This will be me when I am older:
-
That would be me too with any animals I plan on a real menagerie :green:
-
I wonder how much the crazy cat lady stereotype was influenced by real cases of cat owners suffering toxoplasmosis-induced brain damage.
-
Seven IS TOO photogenic!
-
Fuck, I SWEAR I posted something here.
-
Let's try again:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2STN7onvrg
-
(http://www.marcofolio.net/images/stories/fun/imagedump/imgdmp_0711_1/november_07_1_07.jpg)
-
(http://loltheist.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/onyourknees.jpg)
(http://loltheist.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/goldenshowerz-mike.jpg)
-
Regular Everyday Normal guy rap song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PsnxDQvQpw
-
I hate rap songs. But that was fucking kick arse. Motherfucker! :P
:plus:
-
Bride and Groom's first dance:
http://my.break.com/content/view.aspx?ContentID=403233
-
Bride and Groom's first dance:
http://my.break.com/content/view.aspx?ContentID=403233
:plus:
-
(http://www.fivefourteen.net/motivational-posters/bunny.jpg)
He's no Vorpal Bunny.
(http://joeljohnson.com/images2/Can%20you%20pass%20the...%20BRAAAAIINNNNSSS%21.jpg)
Someone pass the BRAAAAAAINS
(http://www.freud.org.uk/shopslippers2.jpg)
Freudian Slippers.
-
Randy?
-
Didn't know Randy was that into Star Wars...
-
My daughter got a package from her grandmother in the mail the other day when she opened it she said "How did grandma know I love bubble wrap and packing peanuts" she then proceeded to play with them the rest of the night and waited two days to make the gingerbread house and men that where wrapped up in the bubble wrap and she still is playing with he peanuts and the box
-
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=suicide
Suicide isn't so bad, give it a chance.
Thinking about suicide but you're not sure if it's the right thing to do? Here are some tips to help you decide whether or not killing yourself is a good choice:
1. Do you live at home but your parents are always making you clean your room and do your homework? It's a sure sign that they don't love you and that they want you to kill yourself. Why else would they make you clean your room? What are they going to do next, ground you? Make you wear braces? Don't kid yourself, the message is clear.
2. If you just got out of a bad relationship and you feel like things are never going to get better; you're right. Everyone knows that suicide is the only option, stop procrastinating. Look on the bright side, at least your ex will feel guilty for a couple of minutes--but don't count on it.
3. Depressed? Don't have any friends? I guess nobody told you, but being depressed and feeling lonely isn't normal. Everyone else is happy, and has lots of friends so there must be something wrong with you. Put the prozac away, what you need is rat poison.
4. Spill a drink at a party? Drop a plate of food in a restaurant? Nobody else has to live with that kind of embarrassment; you know what you have to do.
5. Flunked out of college? Don't know algebra? Here's a question you should know the answer to: Flunked out of college + Don't know algebra = Time for _____. Chances are you still don't know the answer, so here's a hint: it starts with an 's' and ends in 'uicide'.
6. Traffic jam? Sometimes bad luck isn't a coincidence. Do you really want to sit in traffic for another half hour? Look on the bright side, if you're a viking you'll be going to Valhalla. Then again, you're probably not, but eternal damnation in hell is probably the next best thing.
7. Telemarketers keep calling? It's easier to hang yourself than to get rid of a telemarketer, am I wrong? If you're lucky, Home Depot might be having a sale on rope. After all, you don't want to die letting people think you weren't frugal.
8. Flu? You realize that there's no cure for the flu, right? Well, no cure that doesn't involve painting the wall with your brains.
9. Flat tire? Do I have to spell it out for you?
10. College application get rejected? Take the hint.
Hope you found this guide helpful, mention it in your suicide note. On second thought, why bother? Nobody will read it.
-
Hostile babies
-
Hostile babies
WHERE DID YOU GET MY BABY PICTURE!!!!! :laugh:
-
That's what I look like now. (The rabbit I mean)
-
Head lines on my internet service, Do yo thinlk they need spell check
Family: Hostage Suspect Needed Hlep
-
lol Parts i love Bubblewrap. it's so much fun. :laugh:
-
(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2248/2053458310_6a30f248b1_o.jpg)
___________________________
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The
monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on
the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I
start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the
beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He
proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after
mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,
don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10.We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11.When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take
this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12.The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the
Cherry".
13.The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub,
thanks for the grub, yeah God".
-
:LMAO:
-
(http://www.pbfcomics.com/archive_b/PBF238-Capital_Punishment.jpg)
(http://www.pbfcomics.com/archive_b/PBF193-Fun_Bot.gif)
(http://www.pbfcomics.com/archive_b/PBF106-Billy_the_Bunny.jpg)
(http://www.pbfcomics.com/archive_b/PBF195-The_Pacific_Council.jpg)
(http://www.pbfcomics.com/archive_b/PBF133-Love_Lizard.jpg)
(http://www.pbfcomics.com/archive_b/PBF227-Preserves.jpg)
-
(http://loltheist.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/onyourknees.jpg)
Body of christ my ass. That's God's wad. :laugh:
-
lol Parts i love Bubblewrap. it's so much fun. :laugh:
My mom used to always wrap me some up,
for christmas.
-
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The
monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on
the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I
start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the
beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He
proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after
mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,
don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10.We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11.When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take
this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12.The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the
Cherry".
13.The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub,
thanks for the grub, yeah God".
:plus:
-
lol Parts i love Bubblewrap. it's so much fun. :laugh:
My mom used to always wrap me some up,
for christmas.
I used to bring it to the kids all the time. They never get bored with it! Now I get some that has enormous pint-sized bubbles. They can't pop them with their hands. They have to step on them and it makes a lot of noise!
(It also requires some balance to pop them ... sneaky old dad)
-
Don't like the big ones. I'd just
kind of pop them as a nervous
habit.
-
(http://www.firebox.com/pic/p1973ex3.jpg)
-
lol Parts i love Bubblewrap. it's so much fun. :laugh:
My mom used to always wrap me some up,
for christmas.
that's so cute. :laugh: :)
-
This is a real photo they put in the window story http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/food/2007/12/06/2007-12-06_balduccis_offers_ham_for_chanukah.html
Balducci's in Greenwich Village advertises tasty boneless spiral ham as 'Delicious for Chanukah.' Store blamed a clerk for the gaffe.
-
I absoilutely despise PBF.
-
^plus 1 to GA above as soon as I can plus again :P
-
(http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_jul2004/GonnaBeABear.jpg)
-
lol Parts i love Bubblewrap. it's so much fun. :laugh:
My mom used to always wrap me some up,
for christmas.
that's so cute. :laugh: :)
You DON'T want to know the reality there.
She and my cousin would dress me up, as a
little girl.
-
(http://www.comics.com/comics/fminus/archive/images/fminus2033335071127.gif)
-
(http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/7731/karatesd3.jpg)
-
Kato, no!
-
Kato, no!
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
-
lol Parts i love Bubblewrap. it's so much fun. :laugh:
My mom used to always wrap me some up,
for christmas.
that's so cute. :laugh: :)
You DON'T want to know the reality there.
She and my cousin would dress me up, as a
little girl.
why? ???
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MACYpCdlQyg
This kid keeps playing and they keep filming for some reason.
-
(http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_jul2004/GonnaBeABear.jpg)
:plus:
-
lol Parts i love Bubblewrap. it's so much fun. :laugh:
My mom used to always wrap me some up,
for christmas.
that's so cute. :laugh: :)
You DON'T want to know the reality there.
She and my cousin would dress me up, as a
little girl.
why? ???
Torture? I don't know. My family has an
odd sense of humor.
-
This kid keeps playing and they keep filming for some reason.
Sounds like he's enjoying it. :laugh:
As to filming, I wouldn't stop.
A moment like that NEEDS to
be shared.
-
lol Parts i love Bubblewrap. it's so much fun. :laugh:
My mom used to always wrap me some up,
for christmas.
that's so cute. :laugh: :)
You DON'T want to know the reality there.
She and my cousin would dress me up, as a
little girl.
why? ???
Torture? I don't know. My family has an
odd sense of humor.
You too I was the youngest by ten years my sisters to put it mildly had a odd sense of humor
-
so how did you feel being dressed as a girl?
-
That wasn't that bad when only they were around but when their friends were well no so good
-
no
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/t-shirts.jpg)
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/schrodinger.jpg)
-
:laugh:
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dating_pools.png)
I found all the math stuff really interesting and wanted to know more, including the analyses.
(Sadly, I'm telling the truth.) :laugh:
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/graduation.jpg)
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/su_doku.jpg)
(Sorry guys, I just finished my first semester of grad school, am too tired for impulse control, and am on AIM and surfing webcomics.)
-
post some something positive stuff. i haven't read that in years. i should start.
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/su_doku.jpg)
(Sorry guys, I just finished my first semester of grad school, am too tired for impulse control, and am on AIM and surfing webcomics.)
'kay, but post some of yours, too.
:-*
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i love your stuff PMS. can i get the linky to it?
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Oh, thi stuff isn't mine, it's from http://www.xkcd.com
I took down my webcomic, though, if you meant that.
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XKCD!!! FTW!
:D
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Oh, thi stuff isn't mine, it's from http://www.xkcd.com
I took down my webcomic, though, if you meant that.
i meant your webcomic. why'd you take it down? :(
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Oh, thi stuff isn't mine, it's from http://www.xkcd.com
I took down my webcomic, though, if you meant that.
i meant your webcomic. why'd you take it down? :(
Didn't want it up any more.
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The world has suffered a great loss.
(Well, I thought it was funny, anyway.)
-
i thought it was hella funny.
-
I never saw it. :-\
-
:'(
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I never saw it. :-\
Same here.
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My wife was teasing my daughter and said, "I wish I had your butt."
My wife is an awesome forty, (a little soft around the middle) twenty something, forty two, amazing and extremely womanly shaped, "stacked" woman, but she wishes to be thinner, and my daughter is an overly shapely (for any six year old!!) example of perfect feminine beauty. Mom was playing, but my daughter got her and got her good!
My six year old daughter said that... "if you (her mom, my wife) had my butt, it would explode!!"
:LMAO:
I guess you had to be there, but it was very funny, coming from a six year old.
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http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=23901508
:laugh:
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My Little Golden Book About ZOGG. (http://www.whatisdeepfried.com/zogg/zogg1.html)
-
Like mormons
I like"
(http://www.whatisdeepfried.com/zogg/zogg_13.jpg)
-
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1778733
-
Some seasonal humor ...
-
...
-
...
-
...
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:plus: :lol:
'Specially for the rabbit one.
-
Watch out for evil Santas.
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like this one?
(http://spudboy.duncsdrivel.biz/badsanta.jpg)
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:plus: :lol:
'Specially for the rabbit one.
i used that rabbit with the hair dryer for an avatar last year on another forum. i thought more people would get it, but i even had to explain the cartoon.
:'(
it's good to be among relatively intelligent people here who have a sense of humor.
-
like this one?
(http://spudboy.duncsdrivel.biz/badsanta.jpg)
The little girl looks turned on.
it's good to be among relatively intelligent people here who have a sense of humor.
I'm not sure that EITHER is really the defining
issue. We just happen to have a DIFFERENT
sense of humor. I think one with more appreciation
for subtlety.
-
it's good to be among relatively intelligent people here who have a sense of humor.
I'm not sure that EITHER is really the defining
issue. We just happen to have a DIFFERENT
sense of humor. I think one with more appreciation
for subtlety.
nope! We're supposed to be the the retards, remember?
:D
-
aaaaaaa that's the terrible face. god, i left WP partly because of that face. someone had it as an av. :laugh:
-
ahh, brian peppers. still amusing. :evillaugh:
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not amusing when you don't have an adblock? >:(
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or should i say avblock. :zoinks:
-
get an adblock then. theyre ace. :green:
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I want some fucking capsicum!
(http://a442.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/1/l_1c48d2d7391705e5c2dc101d27a24a99.jpg)
-
Just ran across this,
and love it:
"Build a man a fire, you keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, you keep him warm for the rest of his life."
-
:laugh:
-
Give a man a fish and he'll be fed for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll quickly wipe out the local fish stocks, put both of you out of business as fishermen and then demand to be supported by someone else after he's spent all the money he made from the crass exploitation of natural resources on a big car and expensive nights out with shallow money-grabbing women.
-
You sound like my Canadian social studies teachers. :laugh:
-
Interesting facts of the day: Seals are legally fish in Canada (http://www.fisherycrisis.com/seals/Seal%20Disease%20Update%20Oct%2006.htm#1), and thus aren't screened for any of the dangerous diseases like rabies, trichinellosis, mycoplasma and brucellosis that they're known to be commonly infected with before being sent to market as human-edible meat and oil.
Also, Atlantic cod on the Scotian Shelf are starving (http://www.fisherycrisis.com/nscod.htm) due to a catastrophic collapse of the ecosystem in which even zooplankton (http://www.fisherycrisis.com/fisheggs.html), barnacles (http://www.fisherycrisis.com/Galleries/barnaclegallery.htm) and seaweed (http://www.fisherycrisis.com/Galleries/weedgallery.htm) are dying.
-
Bumper sticker I saw on a truck recently
"Earth First......................we'll strip mine the othe planets later!"
-
(http://www.stargazersrealm.com/MAIN/funnies/images/compcat.jpg)
-
:laugh:
-
(http://stashbox.org/30087/cornerstone.png)
-
(http://kuvaton.com/kuvei/british.jpg)
(http://politicalpartypoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/cheating.jpg)
(http://www.in-public.com/store/image/file/2183/02KAR1980002W00036-37C_72-660.jpg)
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I don't get the last one but I like the BiC one!
Calandale that guy is freaky. I think that is the guy they had to knock a hole in the wall for just so he could leave the house.
-
God shave the queen.
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I don't get the last one but I like the BiC one!
Calandale that guy is freaky. I think that is the guy they had to knock a hole in the wall for just so he could leave the house.
This man's name is Manuel Uribe and he lives in Mexico. He has lost a lot of weight on a special diet, even though he is still bedridden. I fail to see what Calandale finds funny about him. Here is an article about Manuel Uribe:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/6612719.stm
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I found him large.
That's enough.
-
I found him large.
That's enough.
So you think that large people are funny?
-
ALL people are funny.
Especially me.
I was feeling big.
Still am. Wish I could
stop/
-
I don't get the last one but I like the BiC one!
Calandale that guy is freaky. I think that is the guy they had to knock a hole in the wall for just so he could leave the house.
I can't decide if that's his nut or his butt.
-
I don't get the last one but I like the BiC one!
Calandale that guy is freaky. I think that is the guy they had to knock a hole in the wall for just so he could leave the house.
I can't decide if that's his nut or his butt.
Yeah...Same. And it scares me.
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I found him large.
That's enough.
So you think that large people are funny?
People that have to get a helicopter to pull them out and have a hole cut in their house are funny to me. Its funny that they have to go to such lengths. I don't understand how you can get that fucking bad. It is insane and disgusting.
-
I don't know that sanity is in play but you would think that something could be done before it goes this far.
Not really funny, though.
I sometimes watch enormous people and their expressions are so fitting. Of course it hurts to be that way and it hurts to move at all.
I have also known some medium fat people who were the strongest people I have ever seen. Yeah I can do about forty push-ups, but if I weighed four hundred pounds and I could get to my feet, I would call that a victory. Then to see them almost move normally is an awe-inspiring thing.
I wonder what this guy's half-ton problem really is.
-
He eats constantly and lies around in bed all day. Probably has an enabler that feeds him in bed. I know a guy from AA that did that. He went from alcoholism to food addiction. I laughed at him because it was predictable. I guess I don't like food that much. I don't eat as much as the rest of the fatasses I know around here. Does this even happen in Europe? You don't see this in Africa or anywhere poor. It is just here in the US for the most part (and with Sumo wrestlers in Japan to some extent). I don't care how strong they are, it is fucked up and disgusting. Obesity here is out of fucking control. People need to wake the fuck up and stop making excuses for it.
-
Maybe Americans are adapting to an aquatic existence in preparation for the sea level rise from global warming.
-
Maybe Americans are adapting to an aquatic existence in preparation for the sea level rise from global warming.
I don't see it happening this generation. Hopefully people will wake up and stop being such wasteful greedy fucks with food. It is pure gluttony. Japan oddly enough throws away more food per capita than any nation. It is just as bad as people who abuse drugs all of their lives and expect people to not laugh at them for the health complications that come with said abuse. As a drug abuser I laugh at people who can't just limit their usage to one drug like marajuana. My friend Garrett, is addicted to oxycotin. I joke about it, even knowing fully how dangerous it can be for him to be addicted to it. I told him not to mess with the stuff. My brother's ex-girlfriend's stepdad killed himself due to oxycotins and same goes for someone I knew in the last drug rehab I was in.
-
I don't know that sanity is in play but you would think that something could be done before it goes this far.
Not really funny, though.
I sometimes watch enormous people and their expressions are so fitting. Of course it hurts to be that way and it hurts to move at all.
I have also known some medium fat people who were the strongest people I have ever seen. Yeah I can do about forty push-ups, but if I weighed four hundred pounds and I could get to my feet, I would call that a victory. Then to see them almost move normally is an awe-inspiring thing.
I wonder what this guy's half-ton problem really is.
http://www.zoneliving.com/ZoneLiving/TheManuelUribeStory/tabid/472/Default.aspx
He has lost about 400 pounds on a special diet called the Zone. I think that is doing something to help himself.
I think that getting so overweight is very sad rather than funny.
-
Fat men are aspie funny to Calandale.
I have seen plenty of quote on quote normal people laugh like that to, he is not much different.
-
He eats constantly and lies around in bed all day. Probably has an enabler that feeds him in bed. I know a guy from AA that did that. He went from alcoholism to food addiction. I laughed at him because it was predictable. I guess I don't like food that much. I don't eat as much as the rest of the fatasses I know around here. Does this even happen in Europe? You don't see this in Africa or anywhere poor. It is just here in the US for the most part (and with Sumo wrestlers in Japan to some extent). I don't care how strong they are, it is fucked up and disgusting. Obesity here is out of fucking control. People need to wake the fuck up and stop making excuses for it.
I don't think that there's a way that guy
can get that fat, just from eating. There
has to be something seriously wrong.
-
I think that getting so overweight is very sad rather than funny.
Of course it's sad. Humor is always at the detriment of SOMETHING.
Still, the incongruity of a funny looking animal is not so different from
this person who is in a completely unexpected shape (and nude).
-
It is a sad thing that because he can't move, before he went on the diet, someone must have been bringing him fattening food. His mum maybe? If so, that is cruel.
-
Damn! I just found this thread and not sure how the current subject matter relates to the thread title.
Now for something a little more amusing. My other hero. Cyber-sex retard called Blooninja as he preys on unsuspecting horny and confused women.
(I will post more of these)
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
-
Last night I had a bad case of diarrhea...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=4ioYGB6iZfI
-
:dankesh:
ma spoon is too big.
I seem to have a bad case of the shits.
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(http://beta.cre8buzz.com/user_files/0002/7178/space_large.jpg?1193127838)
Smile!
(http://beta.cre8buzz.com/user_files/0004/1067/devinesmile_large.jpg?1196692052)
-
.
-
To use the spirit lamp properly,
you need something to hold them
with.
-
Bling dog Yoyo
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/001-3.jpg)
-
Bling dog Yoyo
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/001-3.jpg)
He reminds me of the pro wrestler, "The million dollar man". Ted Dibiase Yes, I like to indulge in pro-wrestling, from time to time!! :-*
-
[Fun with Faeries]
I don't get it...
-
SHIT
I just noticed that my two posts from yesterday are not here.I posted to Calllaway, who explained why the fat guy is losing weight and I posted to Peter who seems to like to jab Americans.
I can only think that i must have fucked up in some way and not hit the post buttons.
:asthing:
:indeed:
-
[Fun with Faeries]
I don't get it...
That's worrying.
-
[Fun with Faeries]
I don't get it...
That's worrying.
Why? Explain it please :)
-
More from the cyber sex dropkick Bloodninja
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
He is hysterical
-
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/001-3.jpg)
Yoyo the Goa'uld bling dog.
-
[Fun with Faeries]
I don't get it...
That's worrying.
Why? Explain it please :)
The implication is that you'd regard it as the normal way to play with small creatures.
-
???
-
The implication is that you'd regard it as the normal way to play with small creatures.
I didn't think that. Indeed, my own wish
to play with the wee made it more humorous.
-
This is why I call them smelly cats
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/001-4.jpg)
No matter how many time I take them out this is where they sleep :laugh:
-
Sex in the Dark
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the
light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
-
:plus:
-
:laugh: :plus:
-
^ :laugh:
Student Bloopers
The pelvis protects the gentiles
Q. What is an animal with a backbone called?
A. A vibrator.
Q. How can people conserve the environment?
A. Shoot trespassers.
Q. Give an example where the expansion of a solid causes problems and say how it is overcome?
A. Your fingernails grow and need cutting.
Q. Why can a bird sit on a high voltage cable without getting an electric shock?
A. The birds feet are coated with rubber.
The difference between the North and the South is that they are totally different.
Q. What does the sickle on the Russian flag stand for?
A. Chopping people's heads off
Sir Francis Drake played with his bowels while the Armada sailed up the channel.
Magellan circumcised the world in his 40-foot clipper.
Joan of Arc was condomed to death.
An Arab is a man with a turbine on his head.
Q. State one change in boys at puberty?
A. Their vice deepens.
Q. What is migration?
A. It is a headache that birds get when they fly south for winter.
The light is focused on to the rectum at the back of the eye by the lens.
Q. Write down some ways in which radioactive materials can be useful to human beings.
A. Atomic bombs.
Margarine is better for you (than butter) because it spreads easily.
Jenny is a clever girl and wants to go into bonking.
Man is only a nackered ape.
Exams put enormous stains on you.
-
:plus: I always love when someone
puts these things up. Some were really
good.
-
(http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/4726/trickyfunerallb1.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RR7yqkmNG3A :zoinks:
-
(http://img85.imageshack.us/img85/8554/thechartsw5.gif)
-
Son Attacked After Urinating On Mom
Wednesday, Dec 26, 2007 - 02:28 PM Updated: 02:53 PM
A Spartanburg mother is accused of stabbing her son several times Christmas morning, but her son is the person facing charges.
City police say it appears the mother, 45-year-old Tammy Jones, stabbed her son because he urinated on her while she slept in her bed.
21-year-old Michael Anthony Carson, nicknamed Pooh Bear, is charged with aggravated assault and battery. Police arrested him at his mother's home on Wednesday.
City police say Jones stabbed her son six times with a butcher knife. He suffered wounds to his shoulder, calf, and chest. Witnesses in the house heard Jones say "why did you pee on me Pooh Bear?" A few moments later, the witness heard the son say "Mama you done stabbed me."
Investigators say this type domestic dispute is rare, but they take it seriously, “Oh, we take everything like this seriously. An assault as been alleged, certainly we're going to follow up on it,†said Lt. Ron Cantrell with the Spartanburg City Police Department.
Spartanburg hospital treated and released Carson after minor surgery to make sure his mother's knife did not penetrate his heart.
The city does not plan to charge the mother unless the solicitor's office sees otherwise.
-
City police say Jones stabbed her son six times with a butcher knife. He suffered wounds to his shoulder, calf, and chest. Witnesses in the house heard Jones say "why did you pee on me Pooh Bear?" A few moments later, the witness heard the son say "Mama you done stabbed me."
:plus:
Priceless.
-
:zoinks:
-
Harry Enfield - The Conjugal Rights Guide:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ivsb79-h90
:laugh:
-
May not be funny to all but sci-fi vs. sci-fi:
(http://i.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop/10-21-05-scifi/annoyinglineguy.jpg)
(http://i.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop/10-21-05-scifi/CadburySurprise.jpg)
(http://i.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop/10-21-05-scifi/Unkempt.jpg)
(http://i.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop/10-21-05-scifi/nicrosin.jpg)
-
My daughter and I bought a book of bumper stickers and here are some of them
Help search and rescue Get Lost
Flip yourself off I'm busy
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth
The voices in my head don't like you
FEDSEX When you absolutely, positively have to have it overnight
If pigs could fly this town would be an airport
Yes, I'm drunk. But in the morning you'll still be ugly
Everyone's entitled to be stupid. But you've abused the privilege
Stupidity is not a crime. You are free to go.
IMPOTENCE Natures way of saying "No hard feelings"
A fool and his money are soon elected
If only closed minds came with closed mouths
If your going to ride my ass, at least buy me dinner first.
Earth, The insane asylum for the Universe
I'm not anti-social. I just don't like YOU.
-
But wait......................there's more :P
BEAUTY. It's a light switch away
If you've got them by the balls. Their hearts and minds will follow.
Men are idiots and I married their leader
Women who seek to be equal with men....lack ambition.
P.E.T.A. People eating tasty animals
It's such a beautiful day. I won't need my meds!
Sex is my religion, pray with me.
What happens in the barn, stays in the barn.
Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date.
Drunk chicks really dig me.
If it has testicles, it's gonna give you problems
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality
Shit happens and then there's you.
-
:plus:
-
My daughter and I bought a book of bumper stickers and here are some of them
Help search and rescue Get Lost
Flip yourself off I'm busy
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth
The voices in my head don't like you
FEDSEX When you absolutely, positively have to have it overnight
If pigs could fly this town would be an airport
Yes, I'm drunk. But in the morning you'll still be ugly
Everyone's entitled to be stupid. But you've abused the privilege
Stupidity is not a crime. You are free to go.
IMPOTENCE Natures way of saying "No hard feelings"
A fool and his money are soon elected
If only closed minds came with closed mouths
If your going to ride my ass, at least buy me dinner first.
Earth, The insane asylum for the Universe
I'm not anti-social. I just don't like YOU.
Lol at fedsex, and I almost spit out the food I was eating when I read the "no hard feelings" one. :LMAO: :plus:
-
<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/kwxVjNLPVhI&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode"
Making fun of The Legend of Zelda
-
:LMAO: and I've never even played it.
-
Second part to the movie.
<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/jyHjlPbBnZE&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode"
-
Yeah, + SG. I played a couple of the games, but I think I'd have been laughing my ass off even if I hadn't.
-
(http://img144.imageshack.us/img144/9752/darthvadorestgayst7.jpg)
-
http://www.ecoenquirer.com/Frosty-Cove-Alaska.htm
:lol:
-
(http://www.thatwasfunny.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/men-are-all-the-same-18.jpg)
-
There is water on Mars
(http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/image/0504/WaterOnMars2_gcc_big.jpg)
-
This was absolutely priceless, and I was just reminded that I'd not shared it here yet:
A week or so ago, I hung out at one of my friends' houses and watched Moulin Rouge. I was, of course, a total asshole about how stupid the movie plot was, and afterward, I start getting into a rambling discussion about it. Somehow this lead to my suggesting that I should call my boyfriend (who was not present) and ask him if, if I were a hooker before he started dating me, would he want me to stop hooking. I pointed out that it would be kind of funny because I could pretend to be offended by him saying he wouldn't mind (as in, "You don't care about me!") but I could also pretend to be offended by him syaing he WOULD mind (as in, "I'll choose my own damn career, and you knew what you were getting into!").
(Next comes the part that was actually funny)
So when I say that, my friend's husband (who has been in the doghouse lately with his wife and has been suffering for it) suddenly looks at me with this expression of triumph and shock and says, "You ADMIT it!" and I was like, "Huh?"
"Sometimes there really is no way to say the right thing!" he explained.
:LMAO:
I didn't know it was suppsed to be a secret. I thought it was self-evident.
EDIT: Maybe you had to be there/you would have to know him to have this be funny, but it was funny to me because he's been in the doghouse lately with his wife/my friend, so he's been in a lot of discussions where there was nothing he could say that she wouldn't be able to get mad at him for saying; so he might have actually been genuinely glad to hear me (as a female) outright admit I was tempted to ask my boyfriend a question that woudl result in a fight no matter what he said in reply.
-
Am I just slow today,
or are your posts beginning
to resemble flo's? ::)
-
Am I just slow today,
or are your posts beginning
to resemble flo's? ::)
Just that one post, or do you mean in general?
-
That one, particularly.
But another, earlier, had
me a bit dazed, too.
You USUALLY make sense. :laugh:
-
Am I just slow today,
or are your posts beginning
to resemble flo's? ::)
You are just slow today.
It made perfect sense to me.
-
EDIT: Maybe you had to be there/you would have to know him to have this be funny, but it was funny to me because he's been in the doghouse lately with his wife/my friend, so he's been in a lot of discussions where there was nothing he could say that she wouldn't be able to get mad at him for saying; so he might have actually been genuinely glad to hear me (as a female) outright admit I was tempted to ask my boyfriend a question that woudl result in a fight no matter what he said in reply.
Yes, he would have felt better to see someone else in the doghouse for starting an argument! :lol:
-
Am I just slow today,
or are your posts beginning
to resemble flo's? ::)
You are just slow today.
It made perfect sense to me.
So...who is actually a whore?
-
EDIT: Maybe you had to be there/you would have to know him to have this be funny, but it was funny to me because he's been in the doghouse lately with his wife/my friend, so he's been in a lot of discussions where there was nothing he could say that she wouldn't be able to get mad at him for saying; so he might have actually been genuinely glad to hear me (as a female) outright admit I was tempted to ask my boyfriend a question that woudl result in a fight no matter what he said in reply.
Yes, he would have felt better to see someone else in the doghouse for starting an argument! :lol:
Well, I'd not have put my guy in the doghouse. More like I thought the argument might be fun. Plus, I missed him a little and wanted an excuse to call. I ended up not calling though. :laugh:
-
This was absolutely priceless, and I was just reminded that I'd not shared it here yet:
A week or so ago, I hung out at one of my friends' houses and watched Moulin Rouge. I was, of course, a total asshole about how stupid the movie plot was, and afterward, I start getting into a rambling discussion about it. Somehow this lead to my suggesting that I should call my boyfriend (who was not present) and ask him if, if I were a hooker before he started dating me, would he want me to stop hooking. I pointed out that it would be kind of funny because I could pretend to be offended by him saying he wouldn't mind (as in, "You don't care about me!") but I could also pretend to be offended by him syaing he WOULD mind (as in, "I'll choose my own damn career, and you knew what you were getting into!").
(Next comes the part that was actually funny)
So when I say that, my friend's husband (who has been in the doghouse lately with his wife and has been suffering for it) suddenly looks at me with this expression of triumph and shock and says, "You ADMIT it!" and I was like, "Huh?"
"Sometimes there really is no way to say the right thing!" he explained.
:LMAO:
I didn't know it was suppsed to be a secret. I thought it was self-evident.
EDIT: Maybe you had to be there/you would have to know him to have this be funny, but it was funny to me because he's been in the doghouse lately with his wife/my friend, so he's been in a lot of discussions where there was nothing he could say that she wouldn't be able to get mad at him for saying; so he might have actually been genuinely glad to hear me (as a female) outright admit I was tempted to ask my boyfriend a question that woudl result in a fight no matter what he said in reply.
I don't think any of that is very funny, at all.
:rofl:
-
It's hard being male sometimes :(
-
It's hard being male sometimes :(
Tell me about it! ::)
-
Am I just slow today,
or are your posts beginning
to resemble flo's? ::)
You are just slow today.
It made perfect sense to me.
So...who is actually a whore?
Nobody is. Either you missed the "if" or you are just pretending to be dense again.
... Somehow this lead to my suggesting that I should call my boyfriend (who was not present) and ask him if, if I were a hooker before he started dating me, would he want me to stop hooking. I pointed out that it would be kind of funny because I could pretend to be offended by him saying he wouldn't mind (as in, "You don't care about me!") but I could also pretend to be offended by him syaing he WOULD mind (as in, "I'll choose my own damn career, and you knew what you were getting into!")....
-
It's hard being male sometimes :(
Tell me about it! ::)
There are men who do this thing of taking exception no matter how you answer their questions as well.
I think that it depends on whether the person wants to pick a fight with you rather than his or her gender.
-
My ex and I used to have huge fights about crap. I used to say to her "This is going nowhere and I can't be bothered. I am going out. You argue with yourself while I am out and when I get back tell me who won and how it was resolved."
Unfortunately those were some of the arguments that were never resolved and for some reason were actually worse when I got back.
-
It's hard being male sometimes :(
Tell me about it! ::)
There are men who do this thing of taking exception no matter how you answer their questions as well.
I think that it depends on whether the person wants to pick a fight with you rather than his or her gender.
Oh I know that well enough. My female progenitor was a master at it. ::)
-
Am I just slow today,
or are your posts beginning
to resemble flo's? ::)
You are just slow today.
It made perfect sense to me.
So...who is actually a whore?
Nobody is. Either you missed the "if" or you are just pretending to be dense again.
... Somehow this lead to my suggesting that I should call my boyfriend (who was not present) and ask him if, if I were a hooker before he started dating me, would he want me to stop hooking. I pointed out that it would be kind of funny because I could pretend to be offended by him saying he wouldn't mind (as in, "You don't care about me!") but I could also pretend to be offended by him syaing he WOULD mind (as in, "I'll choose my own damn career, and you knew what you were getting into!")....
No. I got THAT. It was later on. About the actually admitting it.
I'm not sure whom he was accusing, nor what that was even about.
I got the set up, perfectly well.
-
My ex and I used to have huge fights about crap. I used to say to her "This is going nowhere and I can't be bothered. I am going out. You argue with yourself while I am out and when I get back tell me who won and how it was resolved."
Unfortunately those were some of the arguments that were never resolved and for some reason were actually worse when I got back.
:laugh:
Yeah. I can't imagine that would fix things.
-
It's hard being male sometimes :(
Tell me about it! ::)
There are men who do this thing of taking exception no matter how you answer their questions as well.
I think that it depends on whether the person wants to pick a fight with you rather than his or her gender.
Oh I know that well enough. My female progenitor was a master at it. ::)
The solution to this problem:
-
As I mentioned, long ago on WP,
that looks just like my father.
Maybe 15 years ago.
-
Am I just slow today,
or are your posts beginning
to resemble flo's? ::)
You are just slow today.
It made perfect sense to me.
So...who is actually a whore?
Nobody is. Either you missed the "if" or you are just pretending to be dense again.
... Somehow this lead to my suggesting that I should call my boyfriend (who was not present) and ask him if, if I were a hooker before he started dating me, would he want me to stop hooking. I pointed out that it would be kind of funny because I could pretend to be offended by him saying he wouldn't mind (as in, "You don't care about me!") but I could also pretend to be offended by him syaing he WOULD mind (as in, "I'll choose my own damn career, and you knew what you were getting into!")....
No. I got THAT. It was later on. About the actually admitting it.
I'm not sure whom he was accusing, nor what that was even about.
I got the set up, perfectly well.
Me, as a woman. I think, to him, it was like hearing a vital secret from the enemy camp. :laugh:
-
But...wasn't he in on the joke?
I thought he was somehow accusing his
own woman. But, as I said, it was tough
to figure out.
-
It's hard being male sometimes :(
Tell me about it! ::)
There are men who do this thing of taking exception no matter how you answer their questions as well.
I think that it depends on whether the person wants to pick a fight with you rather than his or her gender.
Oh I know that well enough. My female progenitor was a master at it. ::)
The solution to this problem:
Not my solution style, Peter. Though she was extremely good at pushing the "RAGE" button in me. Thats why I cut off all communications 12 years ago. Better to do that then wind up in jail for murder!
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(http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a293/Raelzak/Syd.png?t=1199748987)
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.
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(http://lerman.biz/pics/anchor.bmp)
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http://www.chatbothub.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=254
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Anybody we know?
-
:plus:
Can't think of anyone. :LMAO:
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:birdpoop:
-
:rofl: :GA: !!
-
Anybody we know?
(http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=985.0;attach=5431;image)
:LMAO:
:plus:
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Some of these are in questionable humor, but, for the sake of simplicity and knowing some of you might like even those. Here's the whole bit that I got in my email. :P
Amazingly Simply Home Remedies
1. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the shower.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use timer.
4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxative, then you will be afraid to cough.
6. You only need 2 tools in life WD-40 & Duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
7. If you are choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
8. Remember: everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Daily thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKYS. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS
-
I like #1.
-
I like #3. I wonder if it works.
-
#6 is my usual approach to maintenance and repair. :zoinks:
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Ghostride
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8p7Q6v8ZsMc
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What are you doing here? - man asks wife at brothel
Wed Jan 9, 11:10 AM ET
WARSAW (Reuters) - A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees. Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town.
"I was dumfounded. I thought I was dreaming," the husband told the newspaper Wednesday.
The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported.
(Writing by Chris Borowski, Editing by Matthew Jones)
:bananas:
-
A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.
Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball."
Man- "That's nice."
Boy- "Want to buy it?"
Man- "No, thanks."
Boy- "My dad's outside."
Man- "OK, how much?"
Boy- "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy- "Dark in here."
Man- "Yes, it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy- "$750."
Man- "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."
-
.
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OMFG that is nasty!
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7184420933710108270
I like this mastercard ad
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(http://beta.cre8buzz.com/user_files/0004/8802/2beings.gif)
(http://www.tmcm.com/comics/tmcm060116.gif)
(http://www.bengu.net/funny/photo/1392.jpg)
(http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/user/jbistlin/headlines/102.jpg)
(http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/user/jbistlin/headlines/101.jpg)
(http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/user/jbistlin/headlines/104.jpg)
(http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/user/jbistlin/headlines/106.jpg)
(http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/user/jbistlin/headlines/110.jpg)
(http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/user/jbistlin/headlines/112.jpg)
(http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/user/jbistlin/headlines/113.jpg)
(http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/user/jbistlin/headlines/114.jpg)
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:plus:
Love the news clips.
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(this may be old)
At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death.
Here is the story:
On March 23, 1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency.
As he fell past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly.
Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.
"Ordinarily," Dr Mills continued, "Someone who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide." That Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.
The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mr. Opus.
When one intends to kill subject "A" but kills subject "B" in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject "B."
When confronted with the murder charge the old man and his wife were both adamant and both said that they thought the shotgun was not loaded. The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, assuming the gun had been accidentally loaded.
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.
Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Now comes the exquisite twist.
Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window The son had actually murdered himself so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.
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:LMAO:
:plus:
GA and Ozymandias.
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Sorry, I forgot to plus Peter's and Sir Les' Mastercard commericals.
:lol:
:plus:
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(http://www.photovault.com/Link/Animals/Cows/FarmAnimals//ACFVolume01/ACFV01P03_07.jpg)
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http://www.youtube.com/v/wu0J6zb2G_o&rel=1
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:plus:
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The bird one is funny :) but the cat one isn't :(
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fOXpDFg0YM
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The bird one is funny :) but the cat one isn't :(
You're right. The cat one isn't funny.
It's hilarious.
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I like cats, and that made me hurt :(
The bird gave me a chuckle though.
-
The X show ad was amusing also.
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The bird one is funny :) but the cat one isn't :(
I actually was a tad upset by
the bird one. The cat made it all
good though.
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I like cats too, but I'm a sick, sick individual, so I still found it funny.
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:plus:
Yeah worth it. JLPMSElle
:plus:
To you too for that Forensic piece Shuttleshines
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQUNn3C5G6w
:lol:
Well, THAT didn't work.
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http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2073266612
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Screaming Sam Kinison - I still love this guy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwbt_mcs1j0&feature=related
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:lol:
About the Pat Robertson run
though, politicos were actually
VERY worried though. He struck
terror into the St. Louis dems.
-
I remember that about Pat Robertson! I can't believe how long ago that's been now.
I loved Sam Kinison. Abrasive, low-brow American rage. He was big at the same time Married with Children was a hit. Husband and I still quote lines from MwC to each other. Our favorite is when Peg and Al were looking at a stuffed boar's head.
Peg: Hmmm...glazed eyes, stuffing for brains, nothing below the waist...nail it to a toilet bowl and it could be you, Al.
Al: No honey...because, unlike me, someone loved him enough to put a bullet through his head.
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On the way to the office this morning, I rear-ended a car.
Somehow I knew it was going to be a bad day.
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a dwarf, poor fellow.
He looked at his dented car and then looked up at me and said "I am not happy"
I said, "Well, which one are you then?"
That's how the fight started...
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:plus:
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http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3523864460869256521
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http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3523864460869256521
>:D
-
>:D
New Chinese made play set
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(http://www.andyofniall.net/assets/Blog/black-sheep.jpg)
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:clap:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZT5mQLy5C4
edited to fix link
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http://youtube.com/watch?v=MDUQW8LUMs8
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What did the Chinese family name their autistic boy?
Sum-Ting-Wong
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If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome
Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
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:plus: :LMAO:
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:plus: :LMAO:
Seconded. :rofl:
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:laugh:
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:laugh:
IT you write big enough, the illiterate can read it.
Fact.
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:LMAO:
Ozymandias and Parts
:plus:
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(http://www.vintagegirlwatchers.com/img/gw-1959-06-14.jpg)
(http://www.vintagegirlwatchers.com/img/gw-1959-06-18.jpg)
(http://www.vintagegirlwatchers.com/img/gw-1959-06-19.jpg)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8cDRwhgi6Q
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(http://data1.blog.de/media/934/1980934_2d412f7264_m.jpg)
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On the first day, God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a 20 year life span.'
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for 20 years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back 10 like the dog did?'
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of 60 years.'
The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said:
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you 20 years.'
But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the monkey gave back, and the 10 the dog gave back, that makes 80, okay?'
'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'
So that is why for our first 20 years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service
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:laugh:
:plus:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5G_iWa87X4
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^Have not played it, what is it?
-
Meh. nothing bad.
-
Excerpts from the TOS on a religious forum. Guess which religion.
7. Do not pick fights for no reason. Do not carry childish arguments in public. Settle it in the PMs. But no death threats.
...
11. We aren't at war with the West, stop talking about blowing up buildings and people in every other post. If you truly believe that we are in some perpetual war then why are you wasting time posting here?
-
Excerpts from the TOS on a religious forum. Guess which religion.
7. Do not pick fights for no reason. Do not carry childish arguments in public. Settle it in the PMs. But no death threats.
...
11. We aren't at war with the West, stop talking about blowing up buildings and people in every other post. If you truly believe that we are in some perpetual war then why are you wasting time posting here?
The only religion that could have the perception of being in a war with the "West" is Islam.
-
Shinto?
-
Shinto?
Doesn't really exist after WW2. Islam is of course the religion in question.
-
Sobriety test
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzH0nNL_DMg&feature=related
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Presenting...Calandale! :zoinks:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68qqyM-_K4w
-
Epileptic shagger:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJJJM6AXJDg&NR=1
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:plus:
Pete
Presenting...Calandale! :zoinks:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68qqyM-_K4w
Don't see me. ???
-
Whoops! They must have removed it. Anyhoo, it was the new Foo Fighters video with your twin Dave Grohl. Does look like you.
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Just not as pretty.
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Not as under-employed, either! :laugh:
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(http://www.nataliedee.com/121907/bearly-working.jpg)
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Not as under-employed, either! :laugh:
Nor as undersexed, I'm sure.
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http://www.petermcphee.com/misc/jokes/fortune.html (http://www.petermcphee.com/misc/jokes/fortune.html)
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:moon: (http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?action=logout;sesc=9b02747a9b21035670c18ba3bfbb3cfc)
Don't you dare click my butt!
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hehe
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:moon: (http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?action=logout;sesc=9b02747a9b21035670c18ba3bfbb3cfc)
Don't you dare click my butt!
:plus: Log in and out, and in and out and in and out, fuck gimme some lube.
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:moon: (http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?action=logout;sesc=9b02747a9b21035670c18ba3bfbb3cfc)
Don't you dare click my butt!
:evillaugh:
:plus:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adnNFnlFpGI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcLKCYhnXjg&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ncA1XwFwtU&feature=related
Porklips NOW!
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OK here is my "break the ice" joke at parties (or other social situations where I feel uncomfortable)
There is an ugly bloke and he goes to his local boozer and greets the barman.
The barman sees this fella and notices he has a smile from ear to ear.
He says "Bloody Hell mate. I have never seen you this happy. What is the story?"
The ugly bloke says "Mate last night I had the best sex of my life."
The barman pours him a middy "on the house" and says "Mate have one of these and whilst there is no one around, tell me all about it you lucky bastard"
The drunk guy takes a sip and says" It was like one of those olden day movies. I was walking home from here last night and I see this girl tied to the railway tracks. I do the gentlemanly thing and untie her and carry her back to my place. I don't get ladies at my house and I was a bit shy. She wasn't saying anything either. I eventually started caressing her and she did not object. I tell you what it was the best night. She was up for anything. All night, every concievable position, no complaints......and the best thing is she is waiting at home for me now."
The barman shook his head in disbelieve and admiration for his fugly friend and poured another free beer.
So said the barman curiously "What does the lucky lady look like?
The ugly bloke with has another sip, frowns, scratches his head and with a bewildered expression says "Dunno mate? Never actually found the head"
-
:lol:
-
(http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/012408/circular-reasoning.gif)
-
:plus:
To both
-
(http://www.marriedtothesea.com/101807/left-titty.gif)
-
I fuck you standing, I fuck you lying
If you had wings, I'd fuck you flying
But now you're dead, but not forgotten
So I dig you up and fuck you rotten
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_d5gBlB__g&feature=related
-
(http://img254.imageshack.us/img254/7973/3lovesqb9.jpg)
-
Excerpts from the TOS on a religious forum. Guess which religion.
Those fundamentalist Pastafarians can say some pretty outrageous things.
-
Calandale....starring in Foo Fighter's video Long Road to Ruin. You'll see I'm right! :zoinks:
http://www.vh1.com/video/play.jhtml?artist=986&vid=185625
-
I'm going to HAVE to shave,
to prove you wrong.
-
I'm going to HAVE to shave,
to prove you wrong.
You'd be wonderful and smooth.
Like a baby's bottom :toporly:
-
What a DISGUSTING concept. :laugh:
My skin is very soft.
-
Prime Minister Blair was visiting a primary school and he visited one the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the Prime Minister if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field & a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a 'tragedy'".
"No," said Blair, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained the Prime Minister "that's what we would call great loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Tony searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?"
Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand...In a quiet voice he said: "If the air plane carrying you and Mrs Blair was struck by a "friendly fire" missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Tony Blair. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy "it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a fucking accident
-
:plus:
-
Chav jokes - perhaps educational humor for some of us 'merican members
1. What do you call a chav in a box?
Innit.
2. What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?
Sorted.
3. What do you call a chav in a box with a lock on it?
Safe.
4. What do you call a chav on fire?
Blazin'
5. Why are Chavs like slinkies?
They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.
6. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?
The bride.
7. You're in your car and you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
It might be your bike.
8. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
9. What's the first question at a Chav quiz night?
"What you lookin' at?"
10. How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box?
Paint go-faster stripes on it.
11. Two Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving?
The police.
12. What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE's?
A liar.
13. What do you say to a chav with a job?
Can I have a Big Mac please.
14. What do you say to a chav in a suit?
Will the defendant please stand.
15. What do you call a knife in chav-ville?
Exhibit A.
16. Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a shame?
A Nova seats 5.
17. What do you call a 30 year old chavette?
Granny.
18. How many chavs does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, they'll screw anything.
19. What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river?
A start.
20. How many chavs does it take to clean a floor?
None, "That's some uvver bleeders job innit."
21. Why did the chav take a shower?
He didn't mean to, he just forgot to close the Nova's window in the car wash.
22. Why did the Chav cross the road?
To start a fight with a random stranger for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
23. What do you call a Chav at college?
The cleaner.
24. Two chavs jump off Beachy Head, who wins?
Society.
-
*
How to Sing the Blues by Lame Mango Washington
*
**
*1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning." ..followed by some awful depressing statement ..i.e. :
" woke up this mornin' ..wit' a wine bottle up my ass "
( note: "woke up this mornin' ..and my stock portfolio was down ..is *NOT* a good start )
*
*2. "I got a good woman," is also a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line: "I got a good woman - with the meanest face in town."
*
*3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes ... sort of: "Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."
*
*4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch: You stuck in a* ditch ain't no way out.
*
*5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUV's. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues* lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
*
*6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
*
*7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in San Diego, Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression.
Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain. ( note: Seattle don't work here cuz' it's too trendy ..)
*
*8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues.
Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.
*
*9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
*
*10. Good places for the Blues:
*a. highway
*b. jailhouse
*c. empty bed
*d. bottom of a whiskey glass
e. empty boxcar
*
*Bad places:
*a. Ashrams
*b. gallery openings
*c. Ivy League institutions
*d. golf courses
e. brokerage offices
*
*11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old black man, and you slept in it.
*
*12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
*Yes, if:
*a. you're older than dirt
*b. you're blind
*c. you shot a man in Memphis
*d. you can't be satisfied
*
*No, if:
*a. you have all your teeth
*b. you were once blind but now can see
*c. the man in Memphis lived.
*d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund
*
*13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
*
*14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues.
*
*Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
*a. wine
*b. whiskey or bourbon
*c. muddy water
*d. black coffee
*
*The following are NOT Blues beverages:
*a. mixed drinks
*b. chardonnay
*c. Snapple
*d. sparkling water
*
*15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death.* Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely in a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.
*
*16. Some Blues names for women:
*a. Sadie
*b. Big Mama
*c. Bessie
*d. Fat River Dumpling
*
*17. Some Blues names for men:
*a. Joe
*b. Willie
*c. Little Willie
*d. Big Willie
*
*18. Persons with names like Ashley,
Sierra, Sequoia, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
*
*19. Make yer own Blues name (starter kit):
*a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)* b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)* c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)* For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.
( note: some care must be used in employing the above formula ..
i.e. Arthritic Papaya Nixon ain't gonna work ..nohow ..)
*
*20. I don't care how tragic your life; you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sit on it. I don't care.* Now go on.. wit yo' bad ass self!
*
-
A father walks into a market followed by his twelve-year-old son. The kid is spinning a coin in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking, going blue in the face, and dad starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, middle-aged, moderately attractive but serious woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds her newspaper and places it on the counter. Then she gets up from her seat and makes her unhurried way across the market. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and squeezes gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds, the boy convulses violently and coughs up the coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill-effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts effusively thanking her, saying: "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before!- it was fantastic! Are you a doctor?'"
"Good heavens, no," the woman replies. "I am a divorce lawyer."
-
Arthritic Papaya Nixon :lol:
Nice one though.
-
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "O.K.,Get in the car with it."
"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.
"But what about the smell?"
"Just hold its nose."
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.
-
...How Do Crazy Peole Go Through The Forest?
...They Take The Psycho Path.
=
...How do you Get Holy Water?
...You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
=
...What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
...Dam!
=
...What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice Too Long?
...Polaroid's
=
...What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
...Subordinate Clauses.
=
...What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean and Twitches?
...A Nervous Wreck.
=
...Whay do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
...Because They Have Big Fingers.
=
...What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
...The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
=
...What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A Bad Skydiver?
...A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
...A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
=
...How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
...Somebody's 'Gonna Lose A Trailer.
-
I'm abusing my admin powers here.
You've posted too much funny shit.
-
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what's the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered. "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars.* Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.* Then ask your brother is he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars.* Come back and tell me what you learned from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course I would!* We could really use that money*to fix up the house and send you kids to a great college.
"The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh my god!* I LOVE Brad Pitt!* I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts??!!"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied.* "Do you know how much a million could buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The boy replied, "Yes, sir.* Potentially, we're sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sluts and a queer."
-
:plus:
-
:lol:
-
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the
kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on
where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and
masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she
tends to be more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and
a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire. Further studies are expected.
-
What would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Thoughtfulness is important for this evaluation to be meaningful!
Ready? Begin!
You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact... There is chaos around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. This is a flood of major proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper caught in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is showing all its destructive fury. You see a man in the water! He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away with the water and debris.
You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. Suddenly, you know who it is... it's George W. Bush. At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the most dramatic photos of your life. You can save the life of President Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful men.
Now, here's the question (please give an honest answer): Would you select the dramatic accuracy of color film or rather go with the classic simplicity and emotional appeal of black and white?
-
:lol:
I keep a dossier of humor. I've been meaning to post some of these for a while.
:D
-
Headlines that should have been reconsidered.
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[Imagine that!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
__________________
-
:LMAO:
:plus:
-
:LMAO:
:plus:
I second that :lol:
-
:LMAO:
:plus:
I second that :lol:
Thirded!
-
Adam Ant video that
make me laugh
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lCzIMacsEs&feature=related
-
DD :plus: and :plus: for the next few times I remember. Some I've heard before, some I hadn't. Most were funny as fuck. :lol:
-
:birdpoop:
http://www.evilchili.com/mediaview/15617/Bird_Poops_Into_A_Reporters_Mouth
-
DirtDawg... I think I love you.
(Well, saying :plus: seemed inadeqauet for as a response to the vast amounts of funny shit he posted.)
-
Good stuff :plus: I see I'm not the only one who collects humor of all types! :laugh:
-
(http://www.marriedtothesea.com/031306/retard-hat.jpg)
-
Thanks for the laughs, DirtDawg! I loved those. :plus: :plus:
-
Wow!
Thanks, guys. I have a couple more for you ...
Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to modern science.
The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 98 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 322.
These 322 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction which would normally take less than a second to take anytime from four days to four years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of two to six years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which some of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange positions.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes, which causes even further attraction to ever more peons.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the critical morass.
When catalyzed with taxpayer's money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has roughly half as many peons but more than twice as many morons.
-
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's' father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor pains progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, they found the mailman on the porch, dead.
-
She had finally accepted the fact that her marriage was over and spent the first day with her newfound resolve packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, all alone, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house.
She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ................. including the curtain rods.
Don't you love a happy ending!
-
I think you posted that last one before.
Someone did here.
-
Sorry.
I'll ditch it if so.
It does sound a little like a PMS Elle joke doesn't it?
-
No need to kill it, some people
haven't waded through all the old
stuff, I'm sure.
-
(http://www.marriedtothesea.com/062906/war-rules.gif)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHSiqQpg7Uc&feature=related
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:laugh:
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(http://i249.photobucket.com/albums/gg230/pharasyst/huwoahuh.gif)
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Sorry.
I'll ditch it if so.
It does sound a little like a PMS Elle joke doesn't it?
I wasn't the original poster, but I'm a sucker for a happy ending, so I was glad to hear this wonderful little fairy tale again.
-
:laugh:
:laugh:
:laugh:
:laugh:
:laugh:
:laugh:
I think I just found my new desktop wallpaper.
-
::)
Knew it was going to happen,
from the second one. Refrained.
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:laugh:
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:laugh:
:laugh:
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:thumbdn:
:thumbup:
:thumbdn:
:thumbup:
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I can't control it.
:kevv:
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Thumb tiddling, boys?
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:zoinks:
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Saw this on another forum I frequent that is mostly about video games. Wow lol.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=AxY8yQRJW08
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Ubergeek!
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Ubergeek!
definitely
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It's difficult to tell if it's sincere or satire...
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Combination, I think.
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Shocking news just in. A group of eminent palaeontologists who recently ventured west of Gloucestershire for the first time in over a thousand years, have had their findings published in a paper released to the general public today.
They discovered a Bronze Age people settled across the region marked on maps as ‘Wales’, a shadowy land long suspected to house dragons and a people rumoured to have cannibalistic tendencies. Although the experts found nothing to support this belief, they were appalled to discover a short, dark people, living in squalid settlements of mean, slate-roofed huts, devoid of any real structure or sophistication.
Pictures beamed back from the newly opened-up territory make fascinating viewing. They show children roaming near-naked on slag-heaps, whilst parents and elders sit about smoking, eating leeks and daffodils, and drinking some form of intoxicating liquor. There seems to be no industry or evidence of working from the pictures that we have seen, and it believed that the people of this region spend their time “sitting on their arses doing fuck allâ€, as one member of the research team observed in an interview for BBC News for the Hard of Hearing.
Historical experts believe that the lost tribe are probably descended from the Britons who were forcibly evicted from the other parts of mainland Britain at the coming of Hengist, Horsa, and our other Saxon, Angle and Jute forefathers. Dr. Godfrey Rimmer, Senior Lecturer in English Triumphalism at the University of Old London Town says: “These people are an true and veritable throw-back to the Dark Ages. Clearly what has happened is that when King Offa of Mercia built his great Dyke to keep the cattle-rustlers out of the border counties, the majority of the English forgot about their short, dark, querulous neighbours.â€
There is further documentation for their existence in the time of the Plantagenets, when King Edward is known to have built large castles in the region to stop everything getting stolen. He broke the back of several uppity civil disturbances, before largely abandoning the province to fend for itself, which, judging to the evidence that has come to light recently, it failed utterly to do. With the passing of the medieval age, we hear little more of these semi-savage peoples, and it seems that they simply retreated, singing, into the mists of history.
Compared with their Anglo-Saxon neighbours across Offa’s Dyke, the ‘Welsh’, as these long-forgotten people have been dubbed, have no real signs of civilisation. One paleontologist said, “There are no proper facilities.†He did remark, though, that many of the natives were unfriendly, especially in the north of the province, where they encountered angry natives hooting and jabbering in an outlandish and unfathomable form of speech. This tongue is like no other that the experts have ever heard, rivalling a spittoon for the amount of phlegm required.
The scientists also encountered hostility in the south, in the ‘Valleys’ area of the country, where close-eyed, thick-set young males would try to pick ritual fights with them over the very fact that they were ‘outsiders’. Clearly fear of strangers, a palpably neolithic reaction, still pervades the communal psyche here, far from civilisation. These same locals would drive round the ‘town’, in cars presumably looted from across the border in England, beeping the horn of the car, and deliberately driving them into walls, lamp-posts and the rudimentary shops and other buildings which exist in these sunless places. Meanwhile, girls dressed in cheaply-woven man-made fibres would stand in groups, shrieking and cat-calling at their males, before taking them behind buildings for, presumably, sexual congress of some sort.
One thing to look for as a mark of Welshness is evidence of juggéd ears. This also counts for sporting figures such as John Hartson and Neil Jenkins, who are both ginger, jug-eared and cyclopian in appearance. The repercussions of this are yet to be felt, but there was widespread concern for the safety of players’ wallets in the changing rooms of sports facilities up and down the country.
Most shocking of all, it seems that many public figures who have played a part in English history were actually Welsh. Or so it is claimed. Great figures through politics such as David Lloyd-George and… erm… trying to think of one… yep… there we go… Neil Kinnock are now believed to have roots in this obscure principality. Strangely enough, the Prince of Wales is no Welshman, but is himself descended from Germanic stock. This news brought relief to many who had feared that there could be the prospect of a Welshman on the throne of England, something the Palace were quick to deny.
House prices in Hereford and other Marcher counties plummeted as the scare-mongering began. Many were unhappy with the Government, feeling it to be a cover-up. “They’ll have known about this lot all along, you mark my words. It’s a bloody disgraceâ€, said one angry farmer in Shropshire. Women fear for their children, whilst grim-faced farmers prepared to spend thousands improving fencing around their property. “History shows that these Welsh are worse than foxes. It’ll be my chickens next, you’ll seeâ€, said one farmer’s wife.
Previously obscure legislation has been unearthed the length and breadth of the Marches, as people panic about the consequences of their new, light-fingered neighbours. Chester has found a medieval statute allowing the shooting of Welshmen from the walls of of the town after sundown, and sales of compound crossbows and heat-seeking bolts have rocketed in the city. When we interviewed a group of youths hanging around outside McDonald’s in Chester, one offered this opinion: “If we wanted f**king monkeys for neighbours, we’d move to f**king Borneo. It’s bad enough with the bloody Scousers coming here and nicking all our stuff, now this. It’s shit.â€
A law going back to the time of Harold II, better known for courteously allowing William to conquer England in 1066, states that any Welshman venturing east of Offa’s Dyke should have his right hand cut off. Many in affected areas are keen to see this stand up in a court of law. One smallholder in Tewkesbury told us: “I’ve got a sodding great machete in my shed. If I get one of those buggers in my yard, trying to syphon petrol out of my tractor, or impregnate my daughter, I’ll have more than their bloody hand off!†Just one of many similar comments that we heard when we interviewed people in the area. High passions have indeed been aroused in this formerly peaceable part of the country.
But many social workers and do-gooders living in London, and other towns far from the problem think that we shouldn’t be so quick to judge our new-found neighbours. One Christian in Gerard’s Cross, who wished to remain anonymous, but whom we can exclusively name as Dafydd Owain ‘Jones The Butcher’ Lloyd told us: “My great-great-grandfather always swore that he was from somewhere in Wales, Lllll… somewhere. We’ve never told anyone, they’d never have believed us, but now with this fresh evidence, it seems that we have been borne out.†Their neighbours said: “We thought there was something fishy going on. All that ginger hair, and always singing, and playing rugby. Badly. This is football country round here, and that lot stand out like a sore thumb.â€
Not everyone was as delighted as Mr. Lloyd with the news though. Dr. Alfred Pepper, an eminent geologist at the University of Ipswich, said: “Surely with the advances that have been made in science, there must be some way of making an incision into the bedrock all the way up Offa’s Dyke, and towing Wales out to sea using the glorious ironclads of Her Majesty's Grand Fleet. People have been talking about such an idea for hundreds of years*, and it would be the ideal way to stop this menace for once and for all.â€
But now, with advances in science, perhaps we will be able to learn more about our strange, choral cousins. Much work has been done, and many painstaking hours have already been spent on research into their dialect, and some progress has been made. What was previously understood to be hostile hissing and spitting actually appears to be some form of primitive speech, incredibly enough.
Perhaps one day soon, we will be able to live comfortably with these people adjoining us. After all, since the days of Bonnie Prince Charlie and the Highland Clearances, we have been able to tolerate the smell of socks, broiled sheeps innards and simmering defeat drifting down from North of the Border; so why not these proud little people of Wales, given as they are to rebellion, anthracite and close-knit communities. What a boring place the world would be if we were all the same (although the British Empire did do a sterling job at trying). There is room for both peoples in this part of the world.
Who knows, in time, perhaps they will learn to ape and even emulate their rich and advanced English cousins, and enter - at last - the Modern Era. I leave you with that thought…
Footnote:
* This idea, whilst sounding far-fetched, does has some historical precedents. Experts believe that the Isle of Man was once also part of the mainland, and was towed out to sea by jealous Vikings from Norway, reluctant to share their territory with anyone else, whilst Lundy in the Bristol Chanmel was ejected from Britain in Saxon times because, as Geoffrey of Monmouth attests, “Ye birdes shatte everywharre onde maydde a ryght messe of ye playc.†This fouling got so bad that in 803AD, the Aldermen of Minehead decided that they would stand for guano on the Town Beach no more, and paid Irish pirates 1,000 marks to tow the offending area out into the Bristol Channel and leave it there.
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:laugh:
I'm 1/4 welsh.
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A + each to GA and cal; the emoticon war between you two actually had me laughing out loud, for some reason.
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A + each to GA and cal; the emoticon war between you two actually had me laughing out loud, for some reason.
There's nothing like a hearty quote/emoticon war to get the humour organ pumping....
Eww...That sound disgusting :/
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A + each to GA and cal; the emoticon war between you two actually had me laughing out loud, for some reason.
:GA:
I hate those things...but, I couldn't help it.
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When I was a child there was a show called "Agro's Cartoon Connection", basically an umbrella show with all the popular cartoon shows at the time. It was hosted by Anne-Marie and Agro (the puppet thing)
Here's some excerpts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFG5vfDp_Q0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fpt2FN4OvxU
(yes, they're outtakes and were never aired like that)
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She had finally accepted the fact that her marriage was over and spent the first day with her newfound resolve packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, all alone, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house.
She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ................. including the curtain rods.
Don't you love a happy ending!
I think you posted that last one before.
Someone did here.
I posted one like this a very long time ago.
Please don't zap yours, DirtDawg.
It still makes me laugh just as hard seeing it this time as it did the first time.
:plus:
Her ex was :pwned:
:lol:
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http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=340_1201708481
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http://www.break.com/index/200-people-freeze-in-grand-central.html
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Boot Camp
LETTER FROM A FARM KID, NOW AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT
Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The Country is nice, but awful flat.
The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter, Gail
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Hilter is banned form iSketch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNORxrSK01k
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(http://www.partiallyclips.com/storage/20071204_MomDaughterMall_lg.png)
For some unknown reason, this reminded me of PMS Elle...
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Headlines that should have been reconsidered.
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[Imagine that!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
__________________
BABABAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA ROFL
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(http://photofile.ru/photo/fishki_net/3413283/73711312.jpg)
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(http://lerman.biz/pics/anchor.bmp)
:lol: :lol: :lol: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: I'm honestly laughing so much IRL at that
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Star Trek Orgasms
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXqyYEvfI4s
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A mix of cats... and Stargate. Catgate: CG-1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAAtBndmn-w
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(http://photofile.ru/photo/fishki_net/3413283/73711312.jpg)
Pretty gull. :plus:
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Lizard Porn?
(http://www.fotothing.com/photos/df0/df0f63ac48614d82d4cbadd4054d193b.jpg)
(http://www.fotothing.com/photos/049/049f4ee2cc3daaddb20a26fd03e8be5e.jpg)
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(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/006-3.jpg)
It used to walk and shoot sparks out of it's mouth but the spring is busted
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Lizard Porn?
Never saw lizards doing missionary. :laugh:
Looks like a thag type o' thing.
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(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/006-3.jpg)
It used to walk and shoot sparks out of it's mouth but the spring is busted
Yep, that looks like a nun from the order of the Sacred Heart. If you meet them on the road.....................KILL THEM! :grrr:
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Lizard Porn?
Never saw lizards doing missionary. :laugh:
Looks like a thag type o' thing.
Lol, my first thought was to wonder if Thag had posted that on another forum and GA found it amusing and reposted.
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Lizard Porn?
Never saw lizards doing missionary. :laugh:
Looks like a thag type o' thing.
Lol, my first thought was to wonder if Thag had posted that on another forum and GA found it amusing and reposted.
Nah, it was on a private Aussie Xbox Live forum.
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A mix of cats... and Stargate. Catgate: CG-1
The cats were funny going out their little cat door.
The Teal'c one was really funny too.
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(http://img516.imageshack.us/img516/2159/killgreys1qe5.jpg)
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:GA:
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http://www.myspace.com/superbowlads#
Best part of the stupidbowl
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1. Go to control panel. 2. Open up the "speech" properties. 3. In the preview box, type "Crotch". 4. Press "preview voice ...
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1. Go to control panel. 2. Open up the "speech" properties. 3. In the preview box, type "Crotch". 4. Press "preview voice ...
How is it that you discover things like this?
I honestly don't see the connection in the words, but it's funny.
+
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1. Go to control panel. 2. Open up the "speech" properties. 3. In the preview box, type "Crotch". 4. Press "preview voice ...
And? (but then, the voices in Vista are different to XP, no M$ Sam)
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1. Go to control panel. 2. Open up the "speech" properties. 3. In the preview box, type "Crotch". 4. Press "preview voice ...
lol!! that's bizarre.
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1. Go to control panel. 2. Open up the "speech" properties. 3. In the preview box, type "Crotch". 4. Press "preview voice ...
lol!! that's bizarre.
YEP!
We have a new term to explore.
How's the view from the crow's nest?
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lol That's fucking weird
It pronounces my name Soff :(
Star boo line
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the hardware shop thing made me think of all the fucking hysterical sketches from The Two Ronnies. corbett should've been shot, but barker was a genius:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcrs5Z7S-oM
and:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsvFd7N6I1c&feature=related
edit: apparently, he made up the list of ice creams as he went along. :yikes:
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1. Go to control panel. 2. Open up the "speech" properties. 3. In the preview box, type "Crotch". 4. Press "preview voice ...
How is it that you discover things like this?
I honestly don't see the connection in the words, but it's funny.
+
Was trying to get some TTS software to show up
(still can't). There are a few of these. Just search
microsoft easter eggs.
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1. Go to control panel. 2. Open up the "speech" properties. 3. In the preview box, type "Crotch". 4. Press "preview voice ...
And? (but then, the voices in Vista are different to XP, no M$ Sam)
True. Which would solve the problem that I had.
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(http://www.lastlemon.com/dailydose/images/vim_strip1736.gif)
(http://www.greatcosmichappyass.com/enlarge/lgHeadlines.jpg)
(http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/2008-01-29/index-1.gif)
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(http://img101.imageshack.us/img101/9388/96474celebritycitygilesth2.jpg)
(http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/2631/96304celebritycitygilesch1.jpg)
Who knew that hedgehogs could be fashionable :zoinks:
(http://www.winrosevet.com/images/babyhedge.jpg)
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Oh yes, the new Porcupine/Hedgehog look. It'll be all the rage in Yellowstone (or wherever)
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How Many Five Year Olds Can You Take In A Fight? (http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/)
I got twenty six.
:D
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I got thirty. I suspect that isn't a good thing. :orly:
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I got thirty. I suspect that isn't a good thing. :orly:
You would fight dirty, huh?
:rofl:
Funny as dwarffucking, though. I'm not sure why it seems so funny. Some of us are just sick, twisted patho-cases, I suppose.
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I got 34.
Love redmeat. :plus:
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I only got 10
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33. I used to play this game when I was 10 or 11, me and two other mates would fight the whole of the 1st year boys. So probably more like 15 vs 3.
Anywho, the reason I came into this thread was to let you guys in on an impractical joke I just thought of.
I was thinking about robbing the local 7-11 (boy those stores cop a beating) and somehow came up with this prank:
1) Walk into 7-11.
2) Go to fridge and take a handful of coke bottles.
3) Take them to counter, line them up, then return to fridge.
4) Repeat step 3 until counter is full.
5) Attendant is probably getting a little suspicious.
6) Now go grab packets of chips, hot foods, donuts, whatever just keep piling that counter.
7) Repeat step 6 a few times.
8) Walk out.
9) Run away giggling.
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33. I used to play this game when I was 10 or 11, me and two other mates would fight the whole of the 1st year boys. So probably more like 15 vs 3.
Anywho, the reason I came into this thread was to let you guys in on an impractical joke I just thought of.
I was thinking about robbing the local 7-11 (boy those stores cop a beating) and somehow came up with this prank:
1) Walk into 7-11.
2) Go to fridge and take a handful of coke bottles.
3) Take them to counter, line them up, then return to fridge.
4) Repeat step 3 until counter is full.
5) Attendant is probably getting a little suspicious.
6) Now go grab packets of chips, hot foods, donuts, whatever just keep piling that counter.
7) Repeat step 6 a few times.
8) Walk out.
9) Run away giggling.
:lol:
How Many Five Year Olds Can You Take In A Fight? (http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/)
I got twenty six.
:D
I got 18.
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Bah, I only got 28.
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(http://www.freakingnews.com/pictures/14000/Turkey-a-la-cat--14187.jpg)
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(http://www.freakingnews.com/pictures/14000/Turkey-a-la-cat--14187.jpg)
???
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Made me smile
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Made me smile
The picture wasn't showing up. Seems to have fixed itself.
Still, meh.
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(http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/3379/aimingoi5.jpg)
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Sent: Sunday, February 03, 2008 4:40 AM
Subject: You know you're a nurse.....
You know you're a nurse if...
Your sense of humor gets more warped each year.
Almost everything can seem humorous...eventually.
You know the smell of different diarrhea to identify it.
You wash your hands BEFORE you use the bathroom.
Discussing bodily fluids over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
You think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even
in the nicest restaurants.
You notice that you are using more 4 letter words than you ever knew
before you started nursing.
Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of them on you
You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle; to
convince the doctor is more difficult."
Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.
You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they
will drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on yo ur day off.
Your finger has gone places you never thought possible.
You have seen more penises than any prostitute. (or vaginas then a gigolo)
If you are not a nurse and have been sent this by a friend who is,
it's just to help you understand our mind set and questionable mental
status/sanity. Most of the time we function in spite of this sick
sense of humor, fairly normally and very responsibly.
Scary, huh??????
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Just had someone on another forum tell
me (due to my pics) that I'm so manly
it hurts. :zoinks:
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PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU ARE EVEN REMOTELY FAMILIAR WITH HOLY SCRIPTURE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A ROMAN CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TES TAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITT EN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5 . SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WH O LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8, TH E EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTER WARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA .. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE..
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACR IMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE . THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY
-
:LMAO:
:plus:
... unsympathetic...
-
How Many Five Year Olds Can You Take In A Fight? (http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/)
I got twenty six.
:D
You could take on 12 five year old kids in a fight.
:laugh:
-
(http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/3192/scissorsbeatpaperkw1.jpg)
-
(http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/3192/scissorsbeatpaperkw1.jpg)
OLD, but funny :)
-
(http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/3379/aimingoi5.jpg)
I'd be very wary of where he points that thing!
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUcJuR_aqTs
-
(http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t64/chickiepea86/fail.jpg)
-
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=513315&in_page_id=1770
-
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=513315&in_page_id=1770
I'm in favor. Sure, it's annoying,
but it's both discrimination and
a danger to rely on low wage
slaves to make these decisions.
So long as jobs aren't going to pay
well, the companies have to protect
themselves from the shit they hire.
-
(http://www.compfused.com/thumbs/niceanglesmall.jpg)
-
:zoinks:
-
:D
-
I'm copying (and stealing) that :zoinks: :plus:
-
(http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/140/boomboomfunchinkchinkfuus5.jpg)
(http://img227.imageshack.us/img227/5510/youneedagirlum6.jpg)
-
(http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/4619/119768745488lk5.jpg)
-
:zoinks:
-
Somebody just posted this in my journal at Fractalus. Thought you folks might be interested. :P
http://www.spidra.com/jokes.html
-
A Swede was walking down the street with a duck under his arm.
- "Where did you find that monkey?" asked the fellow pedestrian.
- "It happens to be a duck." claimed the Swede.
- "Shut up, Swede! I am talking to the duck."
I like this one, especially.
-
A Danish airplane was getting ready to land in Stockholm's airport. The control tower contacted the pilot and asked for his position. The Danish pilot was surprised and didn't do anything. Again the control tower contacted the pilot. "Please tell us your position." Then the pilot understood and answered: "Here I am in the front seat, as always..."
:asthing:
-
(http://img144.imageshack.us/img144/9140/mohammedcrisisui2.jpg)
-
(http://www.uranther.com/funnypics/get_kicked_in_the_dick.jpg)
I'm pretty sure this has been posted, but it deserves an encore
-
(http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/8568/ilovenewyorkxw6.jpg)
-
http://nothingtoxic.com/media/1145360631/Extremely_Twisted_Valentines_Day_Card
From our favorite lurker. :green:
-
(http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p269/bdalbec/Valentines_04.jpg)
-
http://www.cracked.com/article_15739_50-reasons-lord-rings-sucks.html
-
:zoinks:
-
http://www.extremerestraints.com/clone-a-willy-dildo-kit_757.html
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_rP5SDvyKI
-
Cock smoker
-
That's hilarious. I used to know an artist who painted a plain old homemade PVC pipe bong in a similar fashion, using fluorescent paint.
It just looked stupid, like some cartoon creation when you saw it in sunlight, but when it was time to get high and the lights went out and the blacklight came on, it looked like everyone was sucking an electric glowing dick. We laughed a lot and not just from getting stoned.
:eyelash:
-
:laugh:
Oh and :eyelash: back at ya' ;)
-
Cock smoker
:plus:
I don't no why, but I almost inhaled my
pipe on that one.
-
Cock smoker
:plus:
I don't no why, but I almost inhaled my
pipe on that one.
That got me to laugh pretty good. I have seen many pipes and bongs that are very penis shaped. That one is ridiculous though haha.
-
(http://babruisk.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/31/skak.gif)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78U7CEB1FPE
-
They did a whole series of these.
-
Most have probably seen this, still, it's fucking hilarious:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCZSDxA8_JA
Leave Chris Crocker alone! :green:
-
How Many Five Year Olds Can You Take In A Fight? (http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/)
I got twenty six.
:D
I only got ten. :laugh:
I only got 10
Hey- rock on!
http://nothingtoxic.com/media/1145360631/Extremely_Twisted_Valentines_Day_Card
From our favorite lurker. :green:
Seen it before.
(http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p269/bdalbec/Valentines_04.jpg)
Now THAT'S funny.
(http://babruisk.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/31/skak.gif)
That's cute. :)
-
(http://babruisk.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/31/skak.gif)
Good one! :laugh:
-
http://www.videosift.com/video/This-Parent-Teacher-Conference-Just-Gets-Worse-and-Worse
Makes me want to be a dad, almost.
-
This is why trampolines can be dangerous.
(http://www.bloggingwv.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/whitetail_tramp.jpg)
-
http://www.videosift.com/video/This-Parent-Teacher-Conference-Just-Gets-Worse-and-Worse
:laugh: If only the acting were better.
-
http://www.archive.org/details/cliche_family
-
How Many Five Year Olds Can You Take In A Fight? (http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/)
I got twenty six.
:D
I got 31... I imagine it has something to do with my long reach.
That, and I wouldn't be opposed to picking one up and using it as a weapon.
-
How Many Five Year Olds Can You Take In A Fight? (http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/)
I got twenty six.
:D
I got 31... I imagine it has something to do with my long reach.
That, and I wouldn't be opposed to picking one up and using it as a weapon.
Yeah.
Me, too and I was not opposed to doing anything to win. I also know a great deal about a number of distinctly different martial arts.
I think my age has caused me to exhibit a minimal result. I fully believe I could defeat twice as many as the blog toy predicts.
:evillaugh:.
-
http://www.videosift.com/video/This-Parent-Teacher-Conference-Just-Gets-Worse-and-Worse
:laugh: If only the acting were better.
Well, I was presuming it was going to end
up in a porn scene. :zoinks:
-
How Many Five Year Olds Can You Take In A Fight? (http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/)
I got twenty six.
:D
I got 31... I imagine it has something to do with my long reach.
That, and I wouldn't be opposed to picking one up and using it as a weapon.
Yeah.
Me, too and I was not opposed to doing anything to win. I also know a great deal about a number of distinctly different martial arts.
I think my age has caused me to exhibit a minimal result. I fully believe I could defeat twice as many as the blog toy predicts.
:evillaugh:.
I only got 12, because my reach is shorter and I would not pick one of them up and bowl the others over with him.
I have some martial arts training, though.
:laugh:
-
(http://img113.imageshack.us/img113/6382/12pt3.jpg)
-
I made these about heather mills unfairly taking Pauls Money.
This is why you don't get married to random people when your famous.
(http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/821/golddiggerxb4.jpg)
I made this.
(http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=0Y6ApIQxe9Q)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFMgVMxMAs8
-
Ulli's Roy Orbison In Clingfilm Website
Hello, and welcome to my homepage. My name is Ulrich Haarbürste and I like to write stories about Roy Orbison being wrapped up in cling-film. If you have written any stories about Roy being completely wrapped in clingfilm please send them to me and I may put them up on the site. If you have a site with stories about other pop stars being wrapped in cling-film mail me and we can exchange links.
http://dspace.dial.pipex.com/town/street/xjk95/Sounds/roy.mp3
Why couldn't he just suck his shitty cum out of people's arses like a normal person?
-
Ulli's Roy Orbison In Clingfilm Website
Hello, and welcome to my homepage. My name is Ulrich Haarbürste and I like to write stories about Roy Orbison being wrapped up in cling-film. If you have written any stories about Roy being completely wrapped in clingfilm please send them to me and I may put them up on the site. If you have a site with stories about other pop stars being wrapped in cling-film mail me and we can exchange links.
http://dspace.dial.pipex.com/town/street/xjk95/Sounds/roy.mp3
Why couldn't he just suck his shitty cum out of people's arses like a normal person?
Just when I thought I had seen everything the Internet has to offer. :o I now realize that I have yet to plumb it's depths! :-[
-
A joke my BF heard on TV.
A wife says to her husband, "Have you been having sex behind my back?"
And the husband says "Who did you think it was?"
Anyone get it?
-
:oneliner:
-
SG is so fucking cute, sometimes.
-
SG is so fucking cute, sometimes.
No I was asking if anyone gets it too. I sure had troubles getting it when my boyfriend told it to me.
I often have troubles understanding jokes.
-
SG is so fucking cute, sometimes.
No I was asking if anyone gets it too. I sure had troubles getting it when my boyfriend told it to me.
I often have troubles understanding jokes.
That's what's so damn cute. I can still remember wrecking my brain, trying to figure some of these "simple things" out.
You get it now, right? It's really not that good of a joke, but it is one that those with limited sexual experience may not see right away.
:oneliner:
-
Okay. I thought you were mad or something because I had asked if anyone gets it.
-
I have never been mad at you for any reason, SG.
I got bored with some of your B&J threads, but when I'm bored I look away. Even your take on some of that was cute, though, in a good and innocent way.
-
I don't think I've made a B&J thread in a while. I was relieved when I saw on WP a 16 year old was having the same problem I had on here. He has his obsession with straps and he talks about it a lot and starts threads about it and talks about it in every thread and lot of people got irritated with it. Even one of the mods had his posts blocked but somehow he managed to see his thread when he asked who hates him. People even have the wrong assumption its a fetish for him but it's not and they keep mixing it with BSDM and he keeps saying its for his sensory issues and he has to wear a strap around his chest anyway because of his disability. Still, people don't listen.
-
I don't think I've made a B&J thread in a while. I was relieved when I saw on WP a 16 year old was having the same problem I had on here. He has his obsession with straps and he talks about it a lot and starts threads about it and talks about it in every thread and lot of people got irritated with it. Even one of the mods had his posts blocked but somehow he managed to see his thread when he asked who hates him. People even have the wrong assumption its a fetish for him but it's not and they keep mixing it with BSDM and he keeps saying its for his sensory issues and he has to wear a strap around his chest anyway because of his disability. Still, people don't listen.
We all have these thinngs we do that pisss people off. Don't worry too much about other people. Make your owwn self the best it can be and no one can fault you.
-
(http://aycu30.webshots.com/image/38309/2004102307209169961_rs.jpg)
-
Okay. I thought you were mad or something because I had asked if anyone gets it.
No, he is saying that you are cute. It isn't an insult, actually it is a compliment that he is saying you are innocent with your questions.
-
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks "Exchuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper's heart melts. He gets down on his knees so that he is on her level, and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown wabbit over dere?"
The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers:"I don't weally fink my pyfon gives a fuck."
-
:laugh: :plus:
-
:plus:
-
A couple of funny pics my brother sent me ...
Comments on a bath from the cat's view.
'But you said you loved me!'
-
You will pay, you will pay!!!!!
-
'You call this water warm???'
-
'I don't think you can be my person anymore.'
-
'You fucking SUCK!!!!!!'
-
'No, I'm NOT your Good Little Kitty anymore.'
-
stop it!
poor puddies.
:'(
-
'Traction....I'm losing Traction!'
-
stop it!
poor puddies.
:'(
Have you ever HAD to bathe a cat?
It's horrible!
... for everyone involved!
-
stop it!
poor puddies.
:'(
Have you ever HAD to bath a cat?
It's horrible!
... for everyone involved!
quite. they clean themselves quite well, so there's rarely any need. not like horrible dogs.
-
Last one, I promise.
'No, no, no, no.....NOOOOOO!!!
-
stop it!
poor puddies.
:'(
Have you ever HAD to bath a cat?
It's horrible!
... for everyone involved!
quite. they clean themselves quite well, so there's rarely any need. not like horrible dogs.
I have "salvaged" many from the brink of death who were too ill and flea infested to clean themselves. It was a necessity in those cases. I have rinsed bloody red soap out of a cats coat, wreaking from flea urine. Sometimes it MUST be done.
Still think it's funny to see the faces.
Kind of like giving an infant a taste of sour relish for the first time.
-
Lucifer, DD +
:LMAO:
-
Lucifer, DD +
:LMAO:
"... horrible dogs"
:LMAO:
-
stop it!
poor puddies.
:'(
Have you ever HAD to bath a cat?
It's horrible!
... for everyone involved!
quite. they clean themselves quite well, so there's rarely any need. not like horrible dogs.
I have "salvaged" many from the brink of death who were too ill and flea infested to clean themselves. It was a necessity in those cases. I have rinsed bloody red soap out of a cats coat, wreaking from flea urine. Sometimes it MUST be done.
Still think it's funny to see the faces.
Kind of like giving an infant a taste of sour relish for the first time.
good point. +, first cos you're a hero for rescuing cats, and second, cos the idea of being nasty to children is always a winner.
:laugh:
-
Lucifer, DD +
:LMAO:
"... horrible dogs"
:LMAO:
well they are. stupid things, mostly.
actually, it's not dogs i dislike as such*, it's fucking dog owners. their worse than precious parents. :grrr:
*except those pathetically ridiculous small ones which are no more than nightdress cases with legs on.
-
I like dogs. Dogs like me, too, for some reason.
-
I like dogs. Dogs like me, too, for some reason.
Yeah, me too and I totally get the whole "Man's Best Friend" thing, but what the fuck is it with horses. I fucking HATE horses!
... and yet, they follow me and watch me and listen to me and try to get close to me and they imitate my movements. I just want them to eat their oats, dump, then run around looking pretty, but not touch me or expect anything from me.
I have this fear that I am a closet animal-kind in some ways.
-
actually, it's not dogs i dislike as such*, it's fucking dog owners. their worse than precious parents. :grrr:
*except those pathetically ridiculous small ones which are no more than nightdress cases with legs on.
What's wrong with parents?
-
No
actually, it's not dogs i dislike as such*, it's fucking dog owners. their worse than precious parents. :grrr:
*except those pathetically ridiculous small ones which are no more than nightdress cases with legs on.
What's wrong with parents?
Not just parents, Callaway, but "precious parents."
You know the ones.
They used to just have pets, but got bored and wanted more, so NOW they have kids. They have these miserable little made up, pet kids who make the precious parents little lives more full, at least until they get bored with the kids. Then it's on to the next thrill. Unfortunately there is a six year old kid or so left behind with a parent or set of parents who have become bored with it all and the kid is left to grow up wild, but spoiled, because they still feed "it" and groom "it" and buy "it" anything to keep "it" quiet, with no guidance whatsoever. They want the image of being a parent, but they have no real interest in the actual child.
Precious!
-
I don't like people who let them shit in the streets and then don't clean it up
-
Dogs I mean, not kids
Actually, kids as well, but I don't see that happening :laugh:
-
(http://aycu30.webshots.com/image/38309/2004102307209169961_rs.jpg)
:plus:
minnow shot... oh my lord. :lol:
-
Dogs I mean, not kids
Actually, kids as well, but I don't see that happening :laugh:
You've never lived near enough to a third world country to see kids shitting where ever they happen to be, I suppose.
Conscientious parents prompt the kids to hurry so they can get away from it quickly. I have seen grown-ups take their kids into a phone booth to crap.
:D
True!
-
:orly:
I've never seen anyone do that lol
-
I like dogs...I can understand them better than I can humans.
-
That's how I feel about cats
I've never had a dog though, so I don't know them very well
-
Noactually, it's not dogs i dislike as such*, it's fucking dog owners. their worse than precious parents. :grrr:
*except those pathetically ridiculous small ones which are no more than nightdress cases with legs on.
What's wrong with parents?
Not just parents, Callaway, but "precious parents."
You know the ones.
They used to just have pets, but got bored and wanted more, so NOW they have kids. They have these miserable little made up, pet kids who make the precious parents little lives more full, at least until they get bored with the kids. Then it's on to the next thrill. Unfortunately there is a six year old kid or so left behind with a parent or set of parents who have become bored with it all and the kid is left to grow up wild, but spoiled, because they still feed "it" and groom "it" and buy "it" anything to keep "it" quiet, with no guidance whatsoever. They want the image of being a parent, but they have no real interest in the actual child.
Precious!
Oh. That would be awful for the poor kids.
-
People who have kids to fill some kind of void in their life piss me off; they're usually the ones that fuck them up
-
I've posted this somewhere before, but I don't think anyone else thinks it's funny
I do, but maybe just because I like Rammstien :P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCEZ2m9o7vc
-
That was quite amusing :)
-
Bizarre,
but and amusing
-
Cleverly done. Never made the connection between Winnie the Pooh and Rammstein before. :D
-
Noactually, it's not dogs i dislike as such*, it's fucking dog owners. their worse than precious parents. :grrr:
*except those pathetically ridiculous small ones which are no more than nightdress cases with legs on.
What's wrong with parents?
Not just parents, Callaway, but "precious parents."
You know the ones.
They used to just have pets, but got bored and wanted more, so NOW they have kids. They have these miserable little made up, pet kids who make the precious parents little lives more full, at least until they get bored with the kids. Then it's on to the next thrill. Unfortunately there is a six year old kid or so left behind with a parent or set of parents who have become bored with it all and the kid is left to grow up wild, but spoiled, because they still feed "it" and groom "it" and buy "it" anything to keep "it" quiet, with no guidance whatsoever. They want the image of being a parent, but they have no real interest in the actual child.
Precious!
Oh. That would be awful for the poor kids.
Actually I am guessing at her meaning, but those are the ones that really piss me off. We have buttloads of those around here and most of them are corporate ladder climbers as well. I want to take them by their scrawny throats and sling them around a while.
-
Noactually, it's not dogs i dislike as such*, it's fucking dog owners. their worse than precious parents. :grrr:
*except those pathetically ridiculous small ones which are no more than nightdress cases with legs on.
What's wrong with parents?
Not just parents, Callaway, but "precious parents."
You know the ones.
They used to just have pets, but got bored and wanted more, so NOW they have kids. They have these miserable little made up, pet kids who make the precious parents little lives more full, at least until they get bored with the kids. Then it's on to the next thrill. Unfortunately there is a six year old kid or so left behind with a parent or set of parents who have become bored with it all and the kid is left to grow up wild, but spoiled, because they still feed "it" and groom "it" and buy "it" anything to keep "it" quiet, with no guidance whatsoever. They want the image of being a parent, but they have no real interest in the actual child.
Precious!
Oh. That would be awful for the poor kids.
Actually I am guessing at her meaning, but those are the ones that really piss me off. We have buttloads of those around here and most of them are corporate ladder climbers as well. I want to take them by their scrawny throats and sling them around a while.
somethig like that, yes. the ones whose little angels can do no wrong, even when they're smashing up your house, and the stage school parents who are just going to turn the poor kids into monsters.
don't get me on parents - i taught for 20 years, remember, so i've seen some parents who should've been sterilised at birth. not just the precious ones, but the ones who fucked up their kids because of their own narrow-minded, or twisted natures. :grrr:
yes, i'm a bit jaundiced, i'm afraid.
i'm also truama-ed cos i've just noticed i wrote "their" instead of "they're". i may have to go and lie down for a bit...
shows you how incensed i was, doesn't it?
waaaaaaaaah!
-
http://www.theaspergerslie.com/
We firmly believe that 'Asperger's Syndrome' is no more than a mindset, which is pepetually confirmed by professionals in the pharmaceutical industry, and is perfectly easily treated. Let us first dispell some of the myths currently circulating after we posted our very successful Youtube.com video:
Myth 1: "These people are "trolls"
After discovering what exactly a "troll" is ("One who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument" [Urban Dictionary]) we can confirm we are not, in fact, trolls. We are simply trying to get our message seen.
Myth 2: "This is for self-promotion"
This is also completely unfounded. Our sole purpose with the Youtube video was to get our message to the masses; there is no such thing as Asperger's Syndrome.
Myth 3: "You are a Scientologist group"
This is a claim we can completely refute, and if we are considering legal actions against those who are spreading this slanderous message.
Myth 4: "You are not medical experts" and "Dr Andrew Northall is not an expert on this subject"
We are not and do not claim to be medical experts. We have, however, consulted numerous medical professionals and experts in this field of mental illness, who have consistently shared out concerns about Asperger's and disputed its existence. Medical professionals who do not deny the existence and actively promote and diagnose this 'Syndrome' are either corrupt or misguided and they will do nothing but further the anguish of perfectly treatable defective humanoids.
Now that we have that out of the way, let me introduce myself, I'm Steve Rawx a professional filmmaker and Child Neurology expert. Being a Child Neurology expert does not, I concede, suggest I am an expert on Asperger's Syndrome, however, I have never claimed to be. The quote used in the video uploaded to Youtube.com is merely an extract, my full quote was:
"I whole-heartedly believe that there is no such thing as Asperger's Syndrome. Asperger's Syndrome is not real."
...and I am completely entitled to my own opinion, which was formed after my work with Dr Andrew Northall. Northall, a France-based expert on the history of the Autistic Spectrum has produced such compelling material that I can no longer allow the world to be lied to like this. Ask Northall for the information yourself, email him, he tells me he is happy to deal with any requests.
I was deeply concerned to find that one pro-Asperger's hate site, Wrong Planet, has issued an internet fatwah against our video, calling on members to "slam the ratings", artificially and maliciously decreasing the previous 5-star rating of the video. Why would they do this? I pondered to myself. It then became pretty obvious, the website is financially invested in profitting from people by making they think they have a ficticious disorder. They wouldn't want their cash-cow to dry up. Some facts about Asperger's con:
* The increase of "diagnoses" of Asperger's increased by 30% in 1988; the same year the film Rain Man was released.
* Asperger's Syndrome is commonly diagnosed alongside ADHD, another fad disorder.
* Diagnoses of the syndrome come alongside reports of socially awkward behaviour, as well as increased intellect. These go hand in hand not because a child is deformed, but because nerds are not taught social skills.
* Asperger's is merely a mindset. You choose to suffer from the symptoms.
* People with "Asperger's" are unable to make eye contact not because of social anxiety, but for fear of exposing their lack of a soul.
* Asperger's is a conditioned variation of ADHD, minus the possible side effects and required paperwork for Ritalin.
* Apart from having another, better, replacement child, there is no way to rid your house of the evil born into it. Such is the curse of the Asperger.
* Asperger's has no reported cure, much like cancer, which has been around for millennia.
* No child with Asperger's will feel shame for their ultimate failings; rather, they will embrace it, believing themselves to be unique.
* Hans Asperger's "little professors" were merely children allowed to wear lab coats and test dangerous chemicals upon one another. They were called the "Asperger Eight". This figure quickly diminished to six, and then three, until only Fritz V. remained.
* There is no higher functioning form of autism. That is why it is termed "autism" and not "normality".
* Asperger patients will engage you in long spiels about themselves not because of any inherent misconfigured neurofunction, but because they care more about themselves than they do you.
* The only way to combat Asperger's is to take away their routine, outlet, and source of sunlight until they learn to conform to society's standards.
* Hans Asperger was a nazi.
* Asperger, in late 18th century Austria, was slang for the common American word 'sucker', a play on its deceiving techniques and shameless fraudulence.
http://www.theaspergerslie.com/disclaimer.html
-
lol "one pro-Asperger's hate site, Wrong Planet"
-
lol "one pro-Asperger's hate site, Wrong Planet"
Yes, there is a huge rant about the vid on there. Some aspie made the humor and they all took it seriously but they still don't find it funny.
Shame people have to get offended with humor. :yawn:
-
Hehehe
-
I went to send the two guys who created (whom happened to have joined WP to defend their joke) a Private Message on WP, and was created with this message:
Information
Sorry, but the administrator has prevented you from sending private messages.
Alex must fear my seditious writings...
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Can't you defend them publicly?
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Can't you defend them publicly?
I'd rather not post on WP..and even if I did it'd be drowned out by all the "woe is me"s and "internet is serious business"s. Too many douches on WP...But then it is run by one.
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:LMAO:
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Noactually, it's not dogs i dislike as such*, it's fucking dog owners. their worse than precious parents. :grrr:
*except those pathetically ridiculous small ones which are no more than nightdress cases with legs on.
What's wrong with parents?
Not just parents, Callaway, but "precious parents."
You know the ones.
They used to just have pets, but got bored and wanted more, so NOW they have kids. They have these miserable little made up, pet kids who make the precious parents little lives more full, at least until they get bored with the kids. Then it's on to the next thrill. Unfortunately there is a six year old kid or so left behind with a parent or set of parents who have become bored with it all and the kid is left to grow up wild, but spoiled, because they still feed "it" and groom "it" and buy "it" anything to keep "it" quiet, with no guidance whatsoever. They want the image of being a parent, but they have no real interest in the actual child.
Precious!
Oh. That would be awful for the poor kids.
Actually I am guessing at her meaning, but those are the ones that really piss me off. We have buttloads of those around here and most of them are corporate ladder climbers as well. I want to take them by their scrawny throats and sling them around a while.
somethig like that, yes. the ones whose little angels can do no wrong, even when they're smashing up your house, and the stage school parents who are just going to turn the poor kids into monsters.
don't get me on parents - i taught for 20 years, remember, so i've seen some parents who should've been sterilised at birth. not just the precious ones, but the ones who fucked up their kids because of their own narrow-minded, or twisted natures. :grrr:
yes, i'm a bit jaundiced, i'm afraid.
i'm also truama-ed cos i've just noticed i wrote "their" instead of "they're". i may have to go and lie down for a bit...
shows you how incensed i was, doesn't it?
waaaaaaaaah!
Don't feel too bad.
My most commonly committed typo is an homonym interchange, after the obvious, type-too-many-letters-when-I-can't-feel-anything or the switchback, which is, omit-letters-because-everything-is-tingling bullshit.
It's seems as if homonym interchanges are extremely common in spectrumites. More so than among the commons.
Rest easy. You're among friends.
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"homonym interchange"...
mmmmmm...
that sounds so... chocolatey
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Chocolatey? ???
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Chocolatey? ???
i'm being odd, sorry. :crazy:
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This is going on your permanent record. Wow they weren't kidding :o
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/school022.jpg)
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Woah that shit is older than me :orly:
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There was boxes older than me including one from 1951
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"homonym interchange"...
mmmmmm...
that sounds so... chocolatey
I like it better than, "Ya done fucked up, dintcha?"
Chocolatey, please.
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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman’s husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, “Dark in here.
â€The man says, “Yes, it is.â€
Boy -“I have a baseball.â€
Man -“That’s nice.â€
Boy - “Want to buy it?â€
Man - “No, thanks.â€
Boy - “My dad’s outside.â€
Man - “OK, how much?â€Boy - “$150″
Man - “Sold.â€
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together
Boy - “Dark in hereâ€
Man - “Yes, it is.â€Boy - “
I have a Wilson infielder’s glove.â€
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,
“How much?â€
Boy - “$350″
Man - “Highway robbery. Sold.â€
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your gloves, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.â€
The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my ball and my glove.â€
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?â€
The boy says, “$500″
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that..that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess your greed.â€
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.â€
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again, you’re in my closet now.â€
(http://pizdaus.com/pics/bbPhCEb9JDn7ctKrq7.jpg)
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Hahaha. My freind sent this to me! So many sexual innuendo's in a kids show!
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=dyqEPgRc6IE
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FYI: That vid was a blooper reel done for that shows xmas party...I think. Funny as hell though.
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(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2260/2276473379_2eb8ef3368.jpg?v=0)
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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman’s husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, “Dark in here.
â€The man says, “Yes, it is.â€
Boy -“I have a baseball.â€
Man -“That’s nice.â€
Boy - “Want to buy it?â€
Man - “No, thanks.â€
Boy - “My dad’s outside.â€
Man - “OK, how much?â€Boy - “$150″
Man - “Sold.â€
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together
Boy - “Dark in hereâ€
Man - “Yes, it is.â€Boy - “
I have a Wilson infielder’s glove.â€
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,
“How much?â€
Boy - “$350″
Man - “Highway robbery. Sold.â€
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your gloves, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.â€
The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my ball and my glove.â€
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?â€
The boy says, “$500″
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that..that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess your greed.â€
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.â€
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again, you’re in my closet now.â€
(http://pizdaus.com/pics/bbPhCEb9JDn7ctKrq7.jpg)
:lol:
:plus:
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FYI: That vid was a blooper reel done for that shows xmas party...I think. Funny as hell though.
That's what I heard in the comments on Youtube but a four-year- old wouldn't know.
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I think the costume designers on this film were all the quintessential thirty-five-year-old-virgins-who-play-Warhammer-and-live-in-their-mom's-basement guys. There were three basic costume variations in this movie:
Girls: All clothes are to be skin tight, as short as possible, and cut in bizarre "futuristic" ways for the maximum allowable flesh showage in an R rated movie.
Army Guys: Lots of cool cyber-future body armor, and guns. Big guns. Big freaking guns.
Anybody else: Yeah, just let 'em wear, you know, whatever. I don't care.
Not that I'm complaining, of course. All current fashion trends show hemlines getting shorter and shorter as the decades wear on. I think to be completely accurate, all of the girls of 2455 probably would have just had suction cups over their nipples and eye patches over their hoo-hoos.
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A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks "Exchuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper's heart melts. He gets down on his knees so that he is on her level, and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown wabbit over dere?"
The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers:"I don't weally fink my pyfon gives a fuck."
:plus:
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I think the costume designers on this film were all the quintessential thirty-five-year-old-virgins-who-play-Warhammer-and-live-in-their-mom's-basement guys. There were three basic costume variations in this movie:
Girls: All clothes are to be skin tight, as short as possible, and cut in bizarre "futuristic" ways for the maximum allowable flesh showage in an R rated movie.
Army Guys: Lots of cool cyber-future body armor, and guns. Big guns. Big freaking guns.
Anybody else: Yeah, just let 'em wear, you know, whatever. I don't care.
Not that I'm complaining, of course. All current fashion trends show hemlines getting shorter and shorter as the decades wear on. I think to be completely accurate, all of the girls of 2455 probably would have just had suction cups over their nipples and eye patches over their hoo-hoos.
:lol:
:plus:
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:D Peter. Glad I won't be alive in 2455.
(http://www2.picturepush.com/photo/a/381350/1024/random-pics/Moderniteit2008.jpg)
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(http://i25.tinypic.com/22yzwh.jpg)
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(http://img147.imageshack.us/img147/1775/mrmen303x450wg6.jpg)
(http://newsbiscuit.com/images/975.jpg)
(http://newsbiscuit.com/images/957.jpg)
(http://newsbiscuit.com/images/960.jpg)
(http://mightygodking.com/images/mrmen/mrinappropriate.jpg)
(http://mightygodking.com/images/mrmen/mrtherapy.jpg)
(http://mightygodking.com/images/mrmen/mraspergers.jpg)
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Article in the local newspaper several weeks ago... Don't they have a copyeditor??
(http://galileoace.com/Misc/25.02.08/thefence.png)
In the cat section of our local grocery store I saw this....
(http://galileoace.com/Misc/25.02.08/PersCatBall2.png)
Funny...They don't look like Persian Cats...
(http://galileoace.com/Misc/25.02.08/PersCatBall1.png)
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Article in the local newspaper several weeks ago... Don't they have a copyeditor??
(http://galileoace.com/Misc/25.02.08/thefence.png)
God save the children?
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Woman parks her car.
<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/RwpRBtbyWsk&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode"
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Redneck scoot.
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Winnie Langley, lighting up on her birthday.
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She Was So Blonde That...
She thinks boycott is a male bed.
She doesn't buy toothpaste because her teeth aren't loose.
She took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
She couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
She can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter.
Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
They're too hard to retrain.
She got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years".
She was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
She couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
What's the definition of eternity?
4 blondes at a 4-way stop
When she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
When asked what the capital of California was, she answered "C."
It takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
She burnt her nose bobbing for French Fries.
She baked a turkey for 5 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
She can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.
She tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.
She hates M&Ms because they are so hard to peel.
She got hurt while raking leaves; fell out of the tree.
She changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said "good up to 20 pounds."
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, she complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice for 20 minutes?
Because it said "concentrate."
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring.
What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An air pocket.
What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!
HAVE A GOOD DAY
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Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked,'How does that feel'?
He replied: 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken.'
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A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs.
The sign says:
'SEX FROGS'
Only $20 each!
Comes with 'complete' instructions.
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, I'll TAKE one!'
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, just follow the instructions!'
The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, ‘If you have any problems or questions ... Please call the pet store.'
So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'
The man . . . Looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says:
LISTEN TO ME!!
I'm only going to show you how to do this
ONE MORE TIME...
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www.StrangeCosmos.com
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A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs.
The sign says:
'SEX FROGS'
Only $20 each!
Comes with 'complete' instructions.
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, I'll TAKE one!'
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, just follow the instructions!'
The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, ‘If you have any problems or questions ... Please call the pet store.'
So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'
The man . . . Looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says:
LISTEN TO ME!!
I'm only going to show you how to do this
ONE MORE TIME...
/me tries to remember if Calandale is or said that he ever was blonde.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF8wLg5Asgo
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:lol:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Od0z1KYnpGU
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8DngrgIpS0
Manuel <3
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Celebrities are shameless.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=sIQrBouWRiE
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Just try and relax this might be a bit .... uncomfortable
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/rroadschool033.jpg)
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^ :lol: !
Animals that are Better than You (ignore the stupid laughter in the background)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBj4Ny19vfQ
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Dutch tolerance:
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=2bcbf8a3a8
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(http://www.legorobotcomics.com/comics/26.jpg)
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A timely play on the cliche of ribbon-looking car magnets ...
(http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/villagestreetwear_1987_820461183) (http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/villagestreetwear_1992_83967348)
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:lol:
to both.
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A timely play on the cliche of ribbon-looking car magnets ...
(http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/villagestreetwear_1987_820461183) (http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/villagestreetwear_1992_83967348)
I totally want that.
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A timely play on the cliche of ribbon-looking car magnets ...
(http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/villagestreetwear_1987_820461183) (http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/villagestreetwear_1992_83967348)
I totally want that.
Me, too!
I saw it on a car and had to go find it. (http://www.bwild.com/susedrandror.html)
... except I'm going to paint black and yellow things dripping out of it, instead of red blood, like they did.
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A Parent's Guide to Satanic Cult Ritual Abuse
Your child comes home late every night. It has developed a curious habit lately of listening to heavy metal rock music. It no longer pays you any attention. It seems preoccupied. It spends more and more of its time away from home. You suspect that your child is experimenting with drugs. What can a parent do?
Like millions of other American youths, your child has most likely joined a Satanic cult. Though you may be shocked when you realize the truth, it is important to bear in mind that all teenagers at one time or another join cults. It's something that most parents don't want to face or deal with, so they try to ignore it. Discussing Devil worship with your child can be almost as awkward as trying to talk about sex.
Now that you run the risk of losing your child to a cult, how do you go about turning its interest back to the home and family? The answer is simple. Children tend to look elsewhere for things that are lacking in their own lives. If your youngster is attending rituals with strangers, it is because you are not providing what your child needs.
Satanic cult ritual abuse should begin at home, with the family. While you and your spouse have been secretly worshipping Satan in the privacy of your bedroom, you should have been sharing this intimate ritual with your kids. Children want and need to be involved in abusive rituals to create bonds between other family members that are strong and lasting.
Now that you know what you need to do, where do you begin?
WHY FORM A CULT?
By and large, the main reason your children should worship the Devil is to help them develop Multiple Personality Disorders (MPDs). These are very special traits that most children need and most likely will not receive in school. The more you tear away at a child's self image, the stronger it becomes. A child can only develop healthy MPDs after experiencing years and years of cult abuse. Remember the first time your parents abused you during a Satanic ritual? Remember how good it felt?
THE DISCUSSION
Choosing the right time to speak with your child is very important. Probably the best time for a discussion is when your child urgently needs to use the restroom. Sit it down and tell it that it can take care of its needs after you have a little chat. Abruptly slap the child in the face and tell it that it will not be allowed to leave the house at night anymore. If the child puts up a fight, slap it harder. Do not allow the child to go to the bathroom until it agrees to your demands.
When it returns from the restroom, tell your child that it will be required to attend Satanic cult rituals with the family beginning the following day after supper. Slap the child again and send it to bed.
WHY PRACTICE RITUALS?
Torture and pain release energy into the family circle and increase the spiritual power of the individuals. Rituals must be precisely completed as prescribed to prevent the wrath of Satan and his demons. The main reason for participation in rituals is to destroy self esteem and self confidence. Therefore, if anyone complains that the rituals make them feel bad, tell them that this is exactly how they are supposed to feel.
Ritual #1: Testing the Feces
On the first night, the family sits in a circle around a fire in the living room. One by one, each person stands and defecates onto a paper plate. After each family member has done their "duty", the plates are passed around the circle for inspection and testing. Testing is accomplished by placing a tablespoon of the feces on the back of the tongue. Explain to your children that they are eating pieces of Satan's body and that this is an honor. Should they be hesitant to taste the "food", threaten them by telling them they will be forced to go to church the following Sunday. This will prompt most children to immediately obey any command.
During this ritual, the family should openly discuss their feelings. Ask your children to express any visual imagery they might be experiencing. After all the feces have been tested, throw them on the fire. The family should then say goodnight and retire for the evening.
Ritual #2: Mommy Gets Tubed
Begin the second night's ritual by saying a short prayer to the Devil. The mother's body is then suspended naked from the ceiling. The other family members take turns inserting tubes into the ears, nose, mouth, barnhole, and mystery hole of the mother. Once the tubes have been inserted, each person takes turns pouring liquids into the tubes to see what effect they have. Try using bleach, paint remover, insecticide, weed killer, or battery acid. Be creative. Mom will be sure to let you know how she feels by making funny faces and by creating some intriguing sounds.
After she has been sufficiently tested, the remaining family members take turns lashing at Mom with a metal rod. After she has been properly beaten, put Mom to bed so that she may recover for the next night's ritual.
Ritual #3: Sacrificing the Dog
As you and your children should already know, any dog that is truly loyal is a dog that must be sacrificed. Begin by petting your furry trusting friend and giving him some treats. Then have the youngest family member nail the dog's feet to the floor. Do not bind the snout of the dog. The dog must be allowed to sing about its pain. Each person then takes part in removing the dog's skin, taking care not to burst any main arteries. The dog must remain alive during the skinning. Once the dog has been skinned, twenty thick needles are inserted through its muscle tissue. The dog's urgent, strained cries are heavenly music to Satan's delicate ears.
After it has been tortured for a minimum of 90 minutes, throw the dog on the fire and do some serious chanting. When it stops breathing, the ritual is over. The family can now begin discussing what kind of dog they want next.
Ritual #4: Sister Has a "Baby"
Your daughter has made a serious error in judgment and tonight she must pay. She allowed herself to be impregnated by a black man, and this mistake must now be corrected. Have your son tie his sister securely to the dining room table with heavy rope. Each family member then lights a black candle and drips hot wax onto the daughter's breasts and eyelids. In this particular ritual, the daughter's mouth should be taped so that she cannot make any sound. This is her punishment for making such a bad mistake. The mock abortion then begins.
The mother lifts the daughter's skirt and pretends to remove a large lizard from her barnhole. As soon as the lizard has been "born", it is sliced in half and eaten. Next, the father pulls slugs from underneath the daughter's dress as if she were "having" them. The son then pulls live pig embryos from the daughter's mystery hole that were inserted prior to the ritual. If all goes according to plan, the embryos will now float in a circle over the daughter's head chanting familiar nursery rhymes.
All the family members then ridicule the daughter by telling her how ugly her barnhole is. They take turns making lacerations in her abdomen. The daughter is then untied and told that she is now healthy.
Ritual #5: Like Father, Like Son
Women can never worship Satan properly until they understand what makes men tick. This ritual begins with the mother and daughter showing homosexual porn videos to the father and brother. As the men become aroused, they remove their clothing and stand naked before the women. The father and son then perform mutually until they reach orgasm. As their seed falls to the floor, the women must catch it in little glass vials.
The vials are then heated over an open fire. As soon as the semen boils, LSD is added to it. Each family member then ingests a small amount of the mixture. Once everyone is tripping, the family takes turns branding each other with a hot cattle prod. Remember...any pain that may be experienced is imaginary. The ritual ends with the family playing "Jingle Jangle" on kazoos.
Ritual #6: Beating the Hell Out of Each Other
The sixth ritual is relatively simple. After donning black gowns and meditating for a few moments, the family simply tries to kill one another. In this ritual, anything is game. Individuals may use knives, sticks, bats, or anything they deem will be useful to them to adequately injure other family members. The only stipulation during this ritual is that each individual must yell "Satan is Lord" prior to delivering any cuts or blows.
After everyone has been cut up and beaten, any and all blood must be drained into a large aluminum bucket. Once the bucket is full, each person urinates into it. Thus endeth ritual
number six.
Ritual #7: Having Friends Over to Play
At this point, your children may complain that they are never allowed to have friends over. This is a good time to tell them that they can have a female friend over to join in tonight's ritual. Have your children tell the friend to arrive after dark. Prior to the girl's arrival, a small isolation pit should be dug in the back yard, out of the sight of neighbors. When the friend arrives, her tongue is severed and she is thrown into the pit. This ritual is ongoing, as the girl is slowly and methodically starved and tortured. Urine and blood saved from the prior ritual should be lightly sprinkled onto the girl each morning. All family members are invited to creatively abuse the girl at least once daily. Some families claim that after they get used to the new pet, they never even want another dog.
DETERMINING THE RESULTS
If you've performed these rituals correctly, your child will be permanently affected. The things your child should have learned are: (1) obedience, (2) the importance of listening to others, (3) respect for parents, (4) how to play a kazoo, and (5) the difference between right and wrong.
The next time you think about going out for dinner or to a movie, perform a Satanic ritual instead. You'll not only save your family money...you'll save their souls as well.
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(http://www.marriedtothesea.com/022808/asperger-king.gif)
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(http://www.marriedtothesea.com/022808/asperger-king.gif)
NO!
This is not Burger King! This is Asperger King. You can NOT have it your way. Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up and stop fucking overstimming me or you might not get anything!
You want fries with that. I know you do! Everyone has fries! What the fuck do you mean, "Hold the fries!?!"
I'm NOT going to touch the fucking things! They're yours! You hold them.
:D
Good one. I can see so many possibilities.
:plus:
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:LOL: @ both Dexter and Dawg
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Well, what a day I was having, playing some football down at the Palace grounds in Hamilton, when a group of neds appear from the far corner of the field (near the Davie Cooper monument, for those of you who are in the know). The area was mainly empty at the time, with the exception of sprinklers, currently turned on to water the field. "Sprinkler" meets "Low Form of Intellegence". It of course wasn't long before the herd moved to their little water hole and began to play loudly enough to entertain most of the West Coast. The phrase used next was possibly one of the most idiotic lines I have ever heard. Anybody with half a braincell would have quite probably laughed, had they known how to.
"Awww naw, it's fokkin' ringin'!!!" shouted our little uneducated friend... three letters people, O.M.G. This little fanny, seemed to lack the simple ability to predict that the water, coming from the sprinkler, would indeed be wet before he ran straight through it. This was definately a level of blatant stupidity that has been worked on for many years, because it takes an awful lot of work to reverse 10 million years of evolution in the span of a 16 year old life (lifetime is approximation). But fear not, our little friend from Hamilton managed to do it with time to spare, and his next move, would defy belief.
As the sprinkler turned away, he positioned himself, or rather, his genitals (presuming he hadn't cut them of for food), straight towards the sprinkler at a distance of roughly 3cm (give or take). Now, let me explain, that the water pressure in a simple showerhead is powerful enough to throw water in an arc, roughly two metres, and can clearly be felt as stronger, when a hand is put right up to the showerhead. This however is an industrial sized sprinkler, used to push water almost 20 metres across a park.The next shout, was no surprise.
"Ahhhh, ma fokkin' baws... that hurts yer fokkin' baws". I simply can't find the words, I just can't. It was painful to watch, as he ran around with an IQ that would struggle to contend with a dead gerbil, or even, dare I say it, a footballer. That's all for now...
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:laugh: Those were some strong sprinklers....and that guy deserved it!
Fifth grade class an assignment
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and 1 by 1 began to tell their stories.
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Barbara. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the **** away from Aunt Barbara when she's drinking."
-
:laugh: Those were some strong sprinklers....and that guy deserved it!
Fifth grade class an assignment
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and 1 by 1 began to tell their stories.
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Barbara. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the **** away from Aunt Barbara when she's drinking."
:plus:
-
:laugh: Those were some strong sprinklers....and that guy deserved it!
Fifth grade class an assignment
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and 1 by 1 began to tell their stories.
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Barbara. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the **** away from Aunt Barbara when she's drinking."
:LMAO:
-
:laugh: Those were some strong sprinklers....and that guy deserved it!
Fifth grade class an assignment
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and 1 by 1 began to tell their stories.
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Barbara. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the **** away from Aunt Barbara when she's drinking."
YUP!
:plus:
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(http://nurta.net/img/861969_b80c870934.jpg)
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(http://nurta.net/img/861969_b80c870934.jpg)
Best pi ever. Why is the 5 backwards though?
-
Yeah I spotted that too.
-
:laugh: Those were some strong sprinklers....and that guy deserved it!
Fifth grade class an assignment
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and 1 by 1 began to tell their stories.
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Barbara. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the **** away from Aunt Barbara when she's drinking."
:plus:
Love Little Johnny jokes
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(http://imagechan.com/images/college.png)
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(http://imagechan.com/images/college.png)
Actually, that's what the writing in my college's newspaper looks like, too.
-
Is it as sexist? :P
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(http://imagechan.com/images/college.png)
Actually, that's what the writing in my college's newspaper looks like, too.
Is that serious or a spoof?? Oh yeah, and I noticed the "writer" is blonde. :laugh:
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(http://imagechan.com/images/college.png)
Actually, that's what the writing in my college's newspaper looks like, too.
Is that serious or a spoof?? Oh yeah, and I noticed the "writer" is blonde. :laugh:
I believe it's from a teen newspaper, like a highschool or a college one. The opinions in the piece are that of the writer, who is obviously drunk with feminine power. a moron.
-
Yeah, the sad thing is, she may find a guy that she can manipulate/use and live out her "dream" of living the high life and shagging the pool boy because hubby is only useful for his money.
::) However I predict that her "ambitions" will come to a screeching halt and she'll be dead by the time she's 30. She looks and sounds like someone who's in the shallow end of the gene pool. Like I said, I met girls like her along the way at the colleges I went to. ::) Of course I met guys who would sell their souls to hook up with a cunt like that. ::)
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I predict it's a spoof. It's too perfect.
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I predict it's a spoof. It's too perfect.
I truly, deeply hope so, but, I really have met some chicklets who thought that way..........especially in the Junior college, where I got my nursing degree. Listening to the chicklets who were COMPLAINING about the less than stellar gifts their boyfriends bought them for their "birthdays". AND saying that they wouldn't "put out" unless their boyfriends "made up for it"..
Oh I could tell you stories!!
Yeeeeeeeeeeesh, I wouldn't touch those bitches if they were the last women on earth. Rosie Palm and her five sisters would be better lovers than those chicklet cunts.
Thank heavens for a subpar sex drive.........at least I held off until I met my soulmate. Who has a bigger sex drive than I do, but, I can keep her well satisfied.!!!! 8)
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Someone found her myspace (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=171393258). It's been deleted, but her friend's one (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=95443964) is still up and public.
http://digg.com/people/Meet_College_Isn_t_Necessary_Author_Lynzee_Stauss
She went to high school in Mesa, AZ, according to this: http://www.poopinashoe.com/viewthread.php?threadid=6420&p=2#p52909
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Someone found her myspace (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=171393258). It's been deleted, but her friend's one (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=95443964) is still up and public.
http://digg.com/people/Meet_College_Isn_t_Necessary_Author_Lynzee_Stauss
She went to high school in Mesa, AZ, according to this: http://www.poopinashoe.com/viewthread.php?threadid=6420&p=2#p52909
Interesting.....
-
(http://imagechan.com/images/college.png)
Actually, that's what the writing in my college's newspaper looks like, too.
Is that serious or a spoof?? Oh yeah, and I noticed the "writer" is blonde. :laugh:
I believe it's from a teen newspaper, like a highschool or a college one. The opinions in the piece are that of the writer, who is obviously drunk with feminine power. a moron.
:plus: :lol:
-
Is it as sexist? :P
Some of the girls who write editorials do seem to be stcuk pretty far in the dark ages, yeah.
-
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful, elderly poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the old poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.
So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says...
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
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(http://marriedtothesea.com/091306/course-of-life.gif)
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(http://marriedtothesea.com/091306/course-of-life.gif)
Judging by your avatar I see you're still in the Childhood phase ;)
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(http://marriedtothesea.com/091306/course-of-life.gif)
:D
BTDT!
..... but where's the next stage.
That point where you realize that all your ancient relatives from the beginning of time are looking down upon you in full support, but also in agonizing anticipation that your next step will make their piteous, lamentable and godforsaken lives come to some meaning, yet you are blind to where the next stepping stone may be.
:hahaha:
just laugh.
no need to cry, until they all start slapping you.
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OK!
I just got this when I tried to google!
goooo...x100 ...oogle is out of time!!
clipboard number WHAT!?!
JEezuss, I've saved a lot of fractals today.
-
I suggest that you don't watch this at work, and remove the kiddies from the room before clicking on this. This a clip from a movie I plan on buying soon. So funny but oh so wrong.
Youtube removed it.
Is The Government Spying On Paranoid Schizophrenics Enough?
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/in_the_know_is_the_government
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My new avatar
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Family photo
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^ :lol:
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(http://images.despair.com/products/demotivators/possibilities.jpg)
-
just heard on the radio...
68,000 people injured their heads last year, by walking into a lamp-post while they were sending a text!
:LMAO:
what's even funnier (although somewhat disturbing) is that a charity has started putting padding on lamp-posts. :yikes:
:LMAO: :rofl: :LMAO:
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In what city? :green:
I bumped into a lamp post once when I was day dreaming.
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Lucifer :plus: :LMAO:
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:LMAO:
At all of the above.
-
See if I can draw out any gamer geeks....
Lord Bounty Says:
March 7th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Believe it or not, I’ve seen a GREAT Cthulu LARP. The key is to remember that it’s not a game about fighting Gods, it’s a game about not getting eaten by a world that regularly eats things, especially those that notice it’s eating.
The local Game was kinda of a ‘play-when-you-can’ deal. You wanted a scene for your character, you contacted the ST, and told him you wanted a scene, and he told you when and where to go for it. Best scene ever, he told a guy to meet in the mall, in the elevator, between 7 pm and 9 pm.
The ST showed up at 6:50, found a comfortable seat, and sat down to watch the elevator. Since it was glass, and the mall is crowded, he could do this without the player seeing him. At 8:45, the poor guy’s been on the elevator for almost two hours, you can see him checking every person who gets on or off, never knowing if they’re just at the mall, or if they’re playing the game. Then the ST gets EVIL. One of the other players had a 6 year old daughter, so the ST got him to bring her to the mall, dressed in a scarlet dres sand pig tails. Then the ST gave her and envelope, and pointed ou tthe guy on the elevator, and told her to get on , ride up and down, stop off again. Then as the doors close, hand him the envelope and say “you know you’re all going to die.â€
She did, and the player was so freeked out by the scene, he quit the game. You know you’re running a good hooror LARP when the nightmares of the game keep people from coming back.
-
lol
Death threats can definitely get to people, especially if they have an imagination.
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I bumped into a lamp post once when I was day dreaming.
I have done that too. Also been staring at something, then turned around and walk straight into a pole/bin/chair heaps of different things. "Watch where you're going!" was said to me all the time as a kid.
(http://www.choiresicha.com/wp-content/Holzer6.2007.jpg)
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(http://www.choiresicha.com/wp-content/Holzer6.2007.jpg)
I think I have a new desktop background. :plus:
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My Dad knocked himself out checking some girl out crossing the street and walked into a lampost. He came to with a little old lady fussy over him and trying to help him up. He thought it was a hysterical story and told it to my Mother when he got home from the pub drunk that night.
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My Dad knocked himself out checking some girl out crossing the street and walked into a lampost. He came to with a little old lady fussy over him and trying to help him up. He thought it was a hysterical story and told it to my Mother when he got home from the pub drunk that night.
I assume he slept on the couch that night?
-
I bumped into a lamp post once when I was day dreaming.
I have done that too. Also been staring at something, then turned around and walk straight into a pole/bin/chair heaps of different things. "Watch where you're going!" was said to me all the time as a kid.
(http://www.choiresicha.com/wp-content/Holzer6.2007.jpg)
Over the course of time, I have become intimate with many a door, doorjam, missed stairway step, tree, pole, lamp post and the occasional wall. :P
-
i rode my bike into a lamppost once
-
i rode my bike into a lamppost once
I rode my bike into a parked car...
-
tut. you're all so DULL!
I rode my lamp-post into someone's head, once.
-
I rode my bike into someone :zoinks:
-
I rode my someone.
See if I can draw out any gamer geeks....
Lord Bounty Says:
March 7th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Believe it or not, I’ve seen a GREAT Cthulu LARP. The key is to remember that it’s not a game about fighting Gods, it’s a game about not getting eaten by a world that regularly eats things, especially those that notice it’s eating.
The local Game was kinda of a ‘play-when-you-can’ deal. You wanted a scene for your character, you contacted the ST, and told him you wanted a scene, and he told you when and where to go for it. Best scene ever, he told a guy to meet in the mall, in the elevator, between 7 pm and 9 pm.
The ST showed up at 6:50, found a comfortable seat, and sat down to watch the elevator. Since it was glass, and the mall is crowded, he could do this without the player seeing him. At 8:45, the poor guy’s been on the elevator for almost two hours, you can see him checking every person who gets on or off, never knowing if they’re just at the mall, or if they’re playing the game. Then the ST gets EVIL. One of the other players had a 6 year old daughter, so the ST got him to bring her to the mall, dressed in a scarlet dres sand pig tails. Then the ST gave her and envelope, and pointed ou tthe guy on the elevator, and told her to get on , ride up and down, stop off again. Then as the doors close, hand him the envelope and say “you know you’re all going to die.â€
She did, and the player was so freeked out by the scene, he quit the game. You know you’re running a good hooror LARP when the nightmares of the game keep people from coming back.
LMAO. I'd say that that might mess the kid up, but honestly, I think that's gonna be a great story for her to tell someday.
I bumped into a lamp post once when I was day dreaming.
I have done that too. Also been staring at something, then turned around and walk straight into a pole/bin/chair heaps of different things. "Watch where you're going!" was said to me all the time as a kid.
(http://www.choiresicha.com/wp-content/Holzer6.2007.jpg)
LOL!!!!!
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:zoinks:
Some people might want to use this here sometimes
-
:zoinks:
Some people might want to use this here sometimes
That phrase has made the rounds here fairly often. It's always a good idea to keep bringing it back! 8)
-
:zoinks:
Some people might want to use this here sometimes
That phrase has made the rounds here fairly often. It's always a good idea to keep bringing it back! 8)
With different pics, though, right?
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:zoinks:
Some people might want to use this here sometimes
That phrase has made the rounds here fairly often. It's always a good idea to keep bringing it back! 8)
With different pics, though, right?
SO far I can only remember 3 variations.
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stop it!
poor puddies.
:'(
Have you ever HAD to bathe a cat?
It's horrible!
... for everyone involved!
Have you ever bathed WITH a cat? >:D
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What's wrong with parents?
Whatever it is which drives them to spawn.
-
FYI: That vid was a blooper reel done for that shows xmas party...I think. Funny as hell though.
Cool. I had thought it was completely made up,
rather than a real show.
-
/me tries to remember if Calandale is or said that he ever was blonde.
Once did a dye job. :angel:
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stop it!
poor puddies.
:'(
Have you ever HAD to bathe a cat?
It's horrible!
... for everyone involved!
Have you ever bathed WITH a cat? >:D
yep.
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This was my face when my dog got hit by a truck :zoinks:
-
SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS!
(http://images.wikia.com/inciclopedia/images/4/46/ZOMBIE_JESUS.jpg)
-
>:D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLwaoBPc32I
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(http://www.weezelworld.com/pg/images/itwillfindyou.jpg)
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Hey, I was hungry.
-
(http://imagechan.com/images/akward.jpg)
(http://imagechan.com/images/raturday.jpeg)
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:plus:
That chatlog was perfect.
-
:plus: :lol: :rofl:
-
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was
stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout from the back seat, "Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents."
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?"
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that
right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you
please tie my shoe?"
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back
there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. "
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal
of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father
always said: "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into
the hole he goooes." (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write,
and they won't let me talk!"
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's
Adam's underwear!"
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:plus:
-
cheap but funny:
http://www.toytowngermany.com/forum/uploads/post-16-1203501953.jpg
-
cheap but funny:
http://www.toytowngermany.com/forum/uploads/post-16-1203501953.jpg
Elect a wanker! :laugh:
-
:plus: :plus:
I had a Raphael Saul on the phone the other day, who identified himself as "R.Saul..........don't laugh".
-
(http://cectic.com/comics/121.png)
-
:laugh: :plus:
-
http://www.newsoftheweird.com/archive/index.html
-
I miss those. Haven't seen them in years, since
I left an area where the free rag printed them.
-
Crackhead cam! (http://www239.pair.com/nanden00/chc/)
-
Crackhead cam! (http://www239.pair.com/nanden00/chc/)
bizRRR :toporly:
-
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. (Hello Ginseng boy)
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call. (Hello, bluejay boy)
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship. (Hello ginseng and bluejay boy)
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell you which number to press. (so many choices so little time)
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway. (See above)
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696. (That is just about everyone here)
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. (See above)
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. (Hello me!)
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you. ( see above)
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever. (Insert name here..................................)
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up. (see above)
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.
You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable
person to show you care.
Well, my job is done .....Your turn (Happy sanity.............or not!) :P
-
How 'bout if you are premenstrual?
-
How 'bout if you are premenstrual?
WHO ASKED YOU ANYWAY??? JUST PUSH ANY FUCKING BUTTON! OK? GOT THAT!
-
:zoinks:
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(http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff307/classwarpanda/NotAntiSocial.jpg)
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(http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Comics/Rob/pepperoni.png)
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^ :LMAO:
:plus:
Engrish....
(http://www.oddee.com/_media/imgs/articles/a102_e1.jpg)
and
(http://www.ktfgallery.com/files/d3adf05b.jpg)
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kitty
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http://conservablogs.com/velvethammer/2008/01/30/muslims-grievances-a-parody/
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http://www.crazyfrankenstein.com/index.aspx?sid=7d9b7b52-f6aa-4049-b1d8-c4b38be84c92&aid=4&pos=6&Keywords=Kitten+Picture&qs=06oENya4ZGJbLUrfP_LA7dgkHz2Xz8j43Wg1ALHgbFPG0-kE57It6EGkF5lru1gCAkDY-mVMOQhlrttglHmGluE-CFWUBzgPnt2K_dt5rIBNWNL6STr_ga1R94xwp5JX6-b15B2Irix7acAImta0QR-XkofYz48SA2xDiQWBPpCDg_KVNCOk7krCCVzg..,YT0z
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How 'bout if you are premenstrual?
WHO ASKED YOU ANYWAY??? JUST PUSH ANY FUCKING BUTTON! OK? GOT THAT!
OK, ok, ok. I'm sorry. I shoudln't have joked; I knew you weren't feeling your best. I'll push the button now. There. See? All better.
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How 'bout if you are premenstrual?
WHO ASKED YOU ANYWAY??? JUST PUSH ANY FUCKING BUTTON! OK? GOT THAT!
OK, ok, ok. I'm sorry. I shoudln't have joked; I knew you weren't feeling your best. I'll push the button now. There. See? All better.
FINE
:P
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How 'bout if you are premenstrual?
WHO ASKED YOU ANYWAY??? JUST PUSH ANY FUCKING BUTTON! OK? GOT THAT!
OK, ok, ok. I'm sorry. I shoudln't have joked; I knew you weren't feeling your best. I'll push the button now. There. See? All better.
FINE
:P
...OK, this conversation is getting unsettlingly familiar.
:rofl:
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How 'bout if you are premenstrual?
WHO ASKED YOU ANYWAY??? JUST PUSH ANY FUCKING BUTTON! OK? GOT THAT!
OK, ok, ok. I'm sorry. I shoudln't have joked; I knew you weren't feeling your best. I'll push the button now. There. See? All better.
FINE
:P
...OK, this conversation is getting unsettlingly familiar.
:rofl:
You know I love you...............don't you?? :smarty:
:laugh:
Don't worry, I'm not a thagomizer sock puppet!! :P Or am I?? :eyebrows: Nope, I just looked out the window and I still live in Maine. :P
Besides I gave up stalking for Lent! :green:
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You know I love you...............don't you?? :smarty:
:laugh:
Don't worry, I'm not a thagomizer sock puppet!! :P Or am I?? :eyebrows: Nope, I just looked out the window and I still live in Maine. :P
Besides I gave up stalking for Lent! :green:
...mom?
:laugh:
And I halfway think I never had conversations like that with Thagomizer, though maybe it would have helped.
Sadly, when I was with him, I did not even know how to recognize, let alone deal with, male PMS.
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You know I love you...............don't you?? :smarty:
:laugh:
Don't worry, I'm not a thagomizer sock puppet!! :P Or am I?? :eyebrows: Nope, I just looked out the window and I still live in Maine. :P
Besides I gave up stalking for Lent! :green:
...mom?
:laugh:
And I halfway think I never had conversations like that with Thagomizer, though maybe it would have helped.
Sadly, when I was with him, I did not even know how to recognize, let alone deal with, male PMS.
Well, you can call me Mr. Mom if you wish! :laugh: Male PMS is a bitch. :P As for conversations with Thag, well, obviously you weren't getting what you needed out of that relationship and it ran it's course. Your current seems to be doing well in that regard. ;)
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You know I love you...............don't you?? :smarty:
:laugh:
Don't worry, I'm not a thagomizer sock puppet!! :P Or am I?? :eyebrows: Nope, I just looked out the window and I still live in Maine. :P
Besides I gave up stalking for Lent! :green:
...mom?
:laugh:
And I halfway think I never had conversations like that with Thagomizer, though maybe it would have helped.
Sadly, when I was with him, I did not even know how to recognize, let alone deal with, male PMS.
Well, you can call me Mr. Mom if you wish! :laugh: Male PMS is a bitch. :P As for conversations with Thag, well, obviously you weren't getting what you needed out of that relationship and it ran it's course. Your current seems to be doing well in that regard. ;)
At the moment- yeah, I really like my current.
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Wait... Male PMS? What is that?
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Wait... Male PMS? What is that?
Something that happens to men about the time of the Full Moon. In time, young Grasshopper, we will initiate you into the clique of the Male PMS'rs. You are not ready for such an awful responsibility and burden. :P Besides it takes practice to insert those tampons up your ass. Don't believe me, look up the South Park episode where Kenny and Cartman do it AND KENNY DIES, OMG, THEY KILLED KENNY! YOU BASTARDS................. :P
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Do we have South Park smilies?
We need them :laugh:
What happens to people when they get PMS?
Is that when girls get in a really bad mood and get pissed off when you haven't done anything?
I know what it's called, but I don't really know what it is
I think I knew some girls who had that pretty bad though
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Suffice to say that It's Bad and You Can't Win. :P
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Suffice to say that It's Bad and You Can't Win. :P
QFT, being married and also the father of a teenager with PMS at the moment! :o
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WrongPlanizzle (http://sites.gizoogle.com/index2.php?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wrongplanet.net%2Fforums.html)
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:lol:
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Suffice to say that It's Bad and You Can't Win. :P
QFT
... but also, because the statement, itself, is almost universally on target.
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" Off tha Wizzy: Forum Games, Quizzes, Roleplay'n, etc.
Do you enjoy anime bustin' as yo favorite action drug deala? Do you like tak'n quizzes or jizzay play'n forum games? If so, you've found tha R-to-tha-izzight place. Use this forum ta go off tha wizzle . Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos! "
:laugh:
Also, I thought this was kinda funny... someone sent me a message on another site yesterday, saying:
"Hay don't take this the rong way i was just wondering if you were a lass or a lad lol hope me hasnt afended ya by me askin that its just had to tell with yr pic's on profile. :)"
lol
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WrongPlanizzle (http://sites.gizoogle.com/index2.php?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wrongplanet.net%2Fforums.html)
:rofl: :plus:
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Various correspondence with the Television Licensing Authority:
If, however, you are unwilling to make such a financial commitment as stated above, then I must inform you that your account currently stands at £60 - being the still outstanding £30 for opening your letter of November 2001, and an additional £30 for opening your letter of 6th January 2002 (due to the fundamental differences between the letters of November 2001 and 6th January 2002, it has been assumed that the latter is not a simple rewording of the former - please inform me if this is not the case). These rates of charge have been previously notified to you, most recently in my letter dated 3rd October 2001. Any visit by your officer will also be subject to the previously notified rate of £40 per visit for answering the door.
Again, in an effort to co-operate with you, may I point out that the last time your officer called I was at work as he/she called during the normal working day. If you wish to find me in I suggest that you call sometime before 9am, after 7pm or on a Saturday/Sunday to avoid a wasted visit as I am unlikely to be present at other times. As noted previously, I would prefer afternoon visits over the weekend but I appreciate that you need to have a degree of spontaneity - I would just like to point out that I may still be inebriated from the previous night's drinking should you choose to call too early in the morning during the weekend.
Finally, having referred to your website I note you make allusion to the number of men you discover in boxer shorts who apparently don't live at the premises being visited. May I make it clear it is quite possible that if you make unsolicited visits to my premises you may encounter men in boxer shorts who don't live here - I, however, will be present at such times and you may ask whoever answers the door to direct your operative to myself.
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A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he had been raped by a wombat and the experience had caused him to start speaking "Australian".
Arthur Cradock, a 48-year-old orchard worker from Motueka on South Island, rang police on February 11 to say he was being raped by the slow moving Australian marsupial at his home, The Nelson Mail reported.
He rang back soon afterwards to say he was withdrawing his complaint against the wombat, a court was told Wednesday.
"Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right you know," he told police in the second call.
Cradock pleaded guilty to using a phone for a fictitious purpose and was sentenced to 75 hours community work.
Prosecutors said alcohol played a large part in Cradock's life, although his defence lawyer said he was not drunk on the afternoon of the phone calls.
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Wait... Male PMS? What is that?
Saying a man has male PMS is a way of saying that he is being moody to the point of being womanly. It is thus a double insult: Accusing the man of being too moody and sensitive, and emasculating him at the same time.
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I think I have PMS.
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Wait... Male PMS? What is that?
Saying a man has male PMS is a way of saying that he is being moody to the point of being womanly. It is thus a double insult: Accusing the man of being too moody and sensitive, and emasculating him at the same time.
Gee, I'll have to stop emasculating and insulting myself! :P
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Wait... Male PMS? What is that?
Saying a man has male PMS is a way of saying that he is being moody to the point of being womanly. It is thus a double insult: Accusing the man of being too moody and sensitive, and emasculating him at the same time.
Gee, I'll have to stop emasculating and insulting myself! :P
You took that very personally.
...do you prefer maxi pads, or do you want all-out tampax?
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Tampax suck, OB are better :zoinks:
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Wait... Male PMS? What is that?
Saying a man has male PMS is a way of saying that he is being moody to the point of being womanly. It is thus a double insult: Accusing the man of being too moody and sensitive, and emasculating him at the same time.
Gee, I'll have to stop emasculating and insulting myself! :P
You took that very personally.
...do you prefer maxi pads, or do you want all-out tampax?
Nah, I'll just let it flow, I'm so much into the natural world, like wow man, just let it flow free and into the wild! Besides putting those things up and around my mangina will just, like, constipate me, man. And thats not cool! 8) :-*
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Hypnotist At Senior Center
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center.
Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you
into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and ever
member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude
withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his
coat "I want you each to keep your eye on this
antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been
in my family for six generations"
He began to swing the watch gently back and
forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch,
watch the watch, and watch the watch..."The crowd
became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and
forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying
watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the
hypnotists fingers and fell to the floor, breaking
into a hundred pieces.
"SHIT!" said the Hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the Senior Center
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http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/superpiipii.html
I wish that game were real.
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.
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lol that shirt is classic.
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(http://www.hillsdalesites.org/personal/dwestblade/pix/humor/computer/image007.jpg)
(http://sl.glitter-graphics.net/pub/995/995647yx8ujtlp92.gif)
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.
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snigger. (http://www.imdb.com/find?s=all&q=wanker&x=0&y=0)
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Psychology Cartoons... (sorta)
(http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/for/lowres/forn140l.jpg)
(http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/dre0637l.jpg)
(http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/dre0168l.jpg)
(http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/dre0674l.jpg)
(http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/mba/lowres/mban1328l.jpg)
(http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/for0152l.jpg)
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Yep, I'm like Roger.
(http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/for0152l.jpg)
+ for GA
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:laugh:
:plus: GA
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The I Before E Deceit Unveiled
(In sympathy with Elise, who thinks spelling is worse than torture because it doesn't make any sense at all.)
The apparent perversity of English spelling is occasionally tamed by a simple rule. For example, I remember learning the famous poem:
I before E,
Except after C.
It didn't take too long for this rule to run into trouble, and I next had to learn the "revised" version:
I before E,
Except after C,
Or when sounded like A,
As in "neighbor" and "weigh".
But just when we fancied that spelling had become a science, a prescient foreign geisha woman named Deirdre Oppenheimer came down from the heights of a glacier, tore off her veil, seized an ancient financier, and shamed our consciences grievously. "This society is inefficient!", she inveighed. "I wasted my leisure becoming proficient in cuneiform hieroglyphs. Either reimburse me with the value of the Einstein coefficient, or I will drag this man back to my hacienda in Muncie, wherein he will forfeit his life!"
I feigned interest, but looked for our feisty concierge Neil, whom I might inveigle into reining in this weird being. But he had gone to Anaheim, Beijing, Madeira and Taipei with Alexei to shop for a beige geiger counter. His absenteeism made me feel like queueing for the exit. The only sound was the neighing of the sheik's eight reindeer, chewing their edelweiss.
I turned to Sheila, the Budweiser heiress. "Cease your surveillance of the sleigh and its freight! We must stop the reign of this plebeian atheist!" I must have hit a vein, because she deigned to put down her counterfeit kaleidoscope proficiently, albeit only to point out a weird Klein bottle full of nucleic proteins. "Therein is the skein of meiosis," she said, "the leitmotif of our species, of seismic importance to our homogeneity. It would surfeit a meistersinger, a sovereign, or even an omniscient deity like Poseidon."
Decreeing my obeisance, I offered the paperweight, a Meisterbrau stein, and a Holstein heifer to the heister. Agreeing that it was sufficient, she reinstated the old wisenheimer, fleeing with spontaneity via Boeing to Beirut.
CIE words:
agencies
ancient
coefficient
concierge
conscience
deficient
efficient
fancied
financier
glacier
hacienda
Lucie
Marcie
mercies
Muncie
omniscient
policies
prescient
proficient
science
society
species
sufficient
tenancies
EI words:
absenteeism
ageism
albeit
Alexei
Alzheimer
Anaheim
atheist
beige
being
Beijing
Beirut
Boeing
Budweiser
caffeine
codeine
counterfeit
cuneiform
deign
Deirdre
edelweiss
eider
eight
Einstein
either
Fahrenheit
feign
feint
feisty
foreign
forfeit
freight
geiger counter
geisha
heifer
height
heinous
heir
heist
herein
Holstein
homogeneity
Hygeia
inveigh
inveigle
kaleidoscope
Keith
Klein
Leicester
leishmaniasis
leisure
leitmotif
Madeira
meiosis
monteith
neigh
Neil
neither
nonpareil
nuclei
nucleic
obeisance
onomatopoeic
Oppenheimer
plebeian
Pleiades
poltergeist
protein
queueing
reimburse
rein
reindeer
reinstate
reinvent
reitbok
seismic
seize
sheik
Sheila
skein
sleigh
sovereign
surfeit
surveillance
Taipei
their
theism
veil
vein
weigh
weir
weird
wisenheimer
zein
zeitgeist
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:laugh:
:plus:
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lol that shirt is classic.
:thumbup:
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I will never think of ie words the same, thanks Peter. :D
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Political commentary on current events. :P
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0546.html
(http://www.giantitp.com/comics/images/yx9GVVxrx7YCjjl1wS9.gif)
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I saw this quote on an ESPN sports commentary show called, "Around the Horn". It's a funny rolicking show.
"My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips." --Woody Paige, sports writer for a Denver Colorado Paper.
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I hate you
You hate me
lets gang up and kill Barney
With a two by four
Now he is on the floor
No more purple dinosaur
A guy buys a new car and in that car is a new radio that plays what you ask it to play. If you say 'rock' it plays rock, if you say 'rap' it plays rap. He is driving down the street, and there is some kids playing baseball, one of them hits the ball and it goes slamming through the window on his car, and he yells "Fucking kids." The radio started playing Michael Jackson.
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(http://cdimg3.crunchyroll.com/i/spire1/03112008/8/8/e/9/88e9df6fa5f5f0_full.jpg)
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(http://smackinthecrack.com/image.axd?picture=Walk.jpg)
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The future of America:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffX9msPCwZk&feature=related
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lol. :laugh:
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I hate you
You hate me
lets gang up and kill Barney
With a two by four
Now he is on the floor
No more purple dinosaur
My daughter sings this Barney song:
I hate you,
You hate me,
We're a dysfunctional family.
With a hit you in the head,
And a kick you in the face,
Won't you say you're a big disgrace?
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http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=0ocJ88_d5yQ
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At least they were not making fun of him. I can't understand wtf he is saying for the most part.
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That's the first time I've seen someone with Down's syndrome who wasn't fat.
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One conclusion reported by the investigators is that of the 2231 recruited participants, 31.4% were diagnosed as having GERD, 10.6% were NERD patients, while 20.80% had objective findings of reflux esophagitis, including 19.5% patients with grade A or B reflux esophagitis, 0.90% with grade C and 0.40% with grade D.
Another conclusion is that old age, being male, having a moderate working burden, being divorced/widowed and heavy tea consumption remained significant independent risk factors for erosive esophagitis. Routine consumption of greasy food and constipation were considered significant independent risk factors for NERD.
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The other day at work I was sitting in my truck talking on the phone at the school when the little old lady who works the desk at night in the recreation department arrived. She is always so nice and gram motherly. She parked next to the dumpster first she got out and put this big bag of trash in the dumpster from her car , this is a own that make you pay for private garbage pickup. Then she looked around not seeing me reached under the passenger seat of her car and pulled out a silver flask and took two big drinks :o replaced it rinsed he mouth with her coffee and spit it out then went into work :laugh: I've seen her do it two other times now she must be at least 70
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(http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/37069/1207826694/greeanandblacks.jpg)
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The other day at work I was sitting in my truck talking on the phone at the school when the little old lady who works the desk at night in the recreation department arrived. She is always so nice and gram motherly. She parked next to the dumpster first she got out and put this big bag of trash in the dumpster from her car , this is a own that make you pay for private garbage pickup. Then she looked around not seeing me reached under the passenger seat of her car and pulled out a silver flask and took two big drinks :o replaced it rinsed he mouth with her coffee and spit it out then went into work :laugh: I've seen her do it two other times now she must be at least 70
Oh I could tell you stories about the closet drinking habits of that generation. "The Ladies who lunch", etc. :green:
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The other day at work I was sitting in my truck talking on the phone at the school when the little old lady who works the desk at night in the recreation department arrived. She is always so nice and gram motherly. She parked next to the dumpster first she got out and put this big bag of trash in the dumpster from her car , this is a own that make you pay for private garbage pickup. Then she looked around not seeing me reached under the passenger seat of her car and pulled out a silver flask and took two big drinks :o replaced it rinsed he mouth with her coffee and spit it out then went into work :laugh: I've seen her do it two other times now she must be at least 70
Oh I could tell you stories about the closet drinking habits of that generation. "The Ladies who lunch", etc. :green:
This would be the same generation who're ever keen to prohibit the rest of us from doing anything they disapprove of? There was an old lady around here a while ago with a petition against a pub that was opening down the road, when this was one of the last 'dry' areas in Glasgow.
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:zoinks:
-
The other day at work I was sitting in my truck talking on the phone at the school when the little old lady who works the desk at night in the recreation department arrived. She is always so nice and gram motherly. She parked next to the dumpster first she got out and put this big bag of trash in the dumpster from her car , this is a own that make you pay for private garbage pickup. Then she looked around not seeing me reached under the passenger seat of her car and pulled out a silver flask and took two big drinks :o replaced it rinsed he mouth with her coffee and spit it out then went into work :laugh: I've seen her do it two other times now she must be at least 70
Oh I could tell you stories about the closet drinking habits of that generation. "The Ladies who lunch", etc. :green:
This would be the same generation who're ever keen to prohibit the rest of us from doing anything they disapprove of? There was an old lady around here a while ago with a petition against a pub that was opening down the road, when this was one of the last 'dry' areas in Glasgow.
Bingo and they go to church religiously without fail and mutter disapproving things at people that don't meet their "projected" moral image standards. While hubby was working his ass off, wifey would be home "nipping away" in between household chores. Yet, she'd be screaming at him if he went out to the pub/club for a little down time with the boys. I saw it a lot when I was growing up.
The older generational image.
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Kids songs done by bands like Coldplay, Pearl Jam, Metallica, etc.
http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=r5R8gSgedh4
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY-ZrwFwLQg
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Brilliant! :green:
:plus:
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:lol: Seconded.
-
Imagine being influenced by Pacman. You'd have to, like, walk around in a darkened room munching pills and listening to repetitive music...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJEH9P0hgCw
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(http://www.somethingpositive.net/arch/sp12192001.gif)
-
By ninemsn staff
A CNN journalist who was arrested in New York was not only carrying drugs, but also had a rope tied around his neck and his genitals.
British reporter Richard Quest was arrested wandering around Central Park at 3.40am on Friday with methamphetamine in his jacket pocket, the New York Post reports.
Quest, 46, was approached by police for loitering, before voluntarily admitting "I've got some meth in my pocket", police claim.
A routine search then found the rope, as well as a sex toy tucked into his boot.
A New York judge ordered Quest to undergo six months of counselling.
A well-known face on CNN International, Quest is renowned for his boisterous and quirky style.
Apparently Richard was loitering with another fellow....Now for the funny part, in the context of the above article, watch this clip on youtube on one of Richards stories....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aevIOF4UKKg
-
By ninemsn staff
A CNN journalist who was arrested in New York was not only carrying drugs, but also had a rope tied around his neck and his genitals.
British reporter Richard Quest was arrested wandering around Central Park at 3.40am on Friday with methamphetamine in his jacket pocket, the New York Post reports.
Quest, 46, was approached by police for loitering, before voluntarily admitting "I've got some meth in my pocket", police claim.
A routine search then found the rope, as well as a sex toy tucked into his boot.
A New York judge ordered Quest to undergo six months of counselling.
A well-known face on CNN International, Quest is renowned for his boisterous and quirky style.
Apparently Richard was loitering with another fellow....Now for the funny part, in the context of the above article, watch this clip on youtube on one of Richards stories....
Would an average Joe with meth in his pocket have gotten 6 months of counselling?
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I think it was the rope and sex toys that prompted the counselling.
-
I think it was the rope and sex toys that prompted the counselling.
That's kinda what I thought, but seriously, who's business is it what he does with his willy for thrills.
It's not like he was peddling for children in the toilets or something.
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I think it was the rope and sex toys that prompted the counselling.
That's kinda what I thought, but seriously, who's business is it what he does with his willy for thrills.
It's not like he was peddling for children in the toilets or something.
True...But he was in public at the moment...
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I think it was the rope and sex toys that prompted the counselling.
That's kinda what I thought, but seriously, who's business is it what he does with his willy for thrills.
It's not like he was peddling for children in the toilets or something.
True...But he was in public at the moment...
Lots of people tie their cocks up or wear butt plugs and weird shit in public that we don't know about. ie; his sexual kinks are his business.
I just feel sorry that his name has to get dragged through the shitola simply because he is famous. He is a human being first.
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Barney is a giant retarded eggplant. :toporly:
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:zoinks:
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:zoinks:
Happeh would have a fit if he saw that.
-
:laugh:
Photoshop is such a boon for the world.
-
:laugh:
Photoshop is such a boon for the world.
It's not photoshopped; she rapidly rotated her torso in time for the photo, causing her breasts to extend horizontally from centrifugal force. Her hair's horizontally extended too from her head snapping around.
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Cute face, but, she is in for serious shoulder and back pain with such pendulous breasts. Hell, I love large breasts as much as any man does, but, that looks UNSEXY to me! :o
-
:O_o:
...and that is why I want a boob job.
I don't want my breasts to end up droopy :-\
-
:O_o:
...and that is why I want a boob job.
I don't want my breasts to end up droopy :-\
I was aquaintances with several women who had breast reduction surgery. And NONE of them ever regretted the reduction in breast size, but, expressed great relief at the elimination of the pain and discomfort after the procedures. Which is why I'm astounded at women in Porn who have their breast augmented to such ridiculous degrees.
-
:zoinks:
-
:O_o:
...and that is why I want a boob job.
I don't want my breasts to end up droopy :-\
I was aquaintances with several women who had breast reduction surgery. And NONE of them ever regretted the reduction in breast size, but, expressed great relief at the elimination of the pain and discomfort after the procedures. Which is why I'm astounded at women in Porn who have their breast augmented to such ridiculous degrees.
Same. I don't understand why anyone would want to have big breasts by choice. They are heavy and uncomfortable. If I was born with tiny breasts, I would be perfectly content :zoinks:
Although some women get them done for men, which is kinda pathetic I think.
-
:lol: parts
-
:laugh:
Photoshop is such a boon for the world.
It's not photoshopped; she rapidly rotated her torso in time for the photo, causing her breasts to extend horizontally from centrifugal force. Her hair's horizontally extended too from her head snapping around.
No such thing, really its centripetal forces pulling inwards.
-
:laugh:
Photoshop is such a boon for the world.
It's not photoshopped; she rapidly rotated her torso in time for the photo, causing her breasts to extend horizontally from centrifugal force. Her hair's horizontally extended too from her head snapping around.
No such thing, really its centripetal forces pulling inwards.
If you want to get technical about it, the breasts undergo acceleration due to being tethered in a rotating frame of reference which prevents them from following a straight-line trajectory along the curvature of space-time. Saying that it's centrifugal force leads to less confusion, since it's a concept that most people are already familiar with.
-
:laugh:
Photoshop is such a boon for the world.
It's not photoshopped; she rapidly rotated her torso in time for the photo, causing her breasts to extend horizontally from centrifugal force. Her hair's horizontally extended too from her head snapping around.
No such thing, really its centripetal forces pulling inwards.
If you want to get technical about it, the breasts undergo acceleration due to being tethered in a rotating frame of reference which prevents them from following a straight-line trajectory along the curvature of space-time. Saying that it's centrifugal force leads to less confusion, since it's a concept that most people are already familiar with.
Only on an Aspergers site would a picture of a naked woman's tits turn into a conversation like this.
-
:laugh:
Photoshop is such a boon for the world.
It's not photoshopped; she rapidly rotated her torso in time for the photo, causing her breasts to extend horizontally from centrifugal force. Her hair's horizontally extended too from her head snapping around.
No such thing, really its centripetal forces pulling inwards.
If you want to get technical about it, the breasts undergo acceleration due to being tethered in a rotating frame of reference which prevents them from following a straight-line trajectory along the curvature of space-time. Saying that it's centrifugal force leads to less confusion, since it's a concept that most people are already familiar with.
Only on an Aspergers site would a picture of a naked woman's tits turn into a conversation like this.
:plus: Thank you for making it funny :)
-
:laugh:
Photoshop is such a boon for the world.
It's not photoshopped; she rapidly rotated her torso in time for the photo, causing her breasts to extend horizontally from centrifugal force. Her hair's horizontally extended too from her head snapping around.
No such thing, really its centripetal forces pulling inwards.
If you want to get technical about it, the breasts undergo acceleration due to being tethered in a rotating frame of reference which prevents them from following a straight-line trajectory along the curvature of space-time. Saying that it's centrifugal force leads to less confusion, since it's a concept that most people are already familiar with.
Only on an Aspergers site would a picture of a naked woman's tits turn into a conversation like this.
Don't you just love it here?
-
:laugh:
Photoshop is such a boon for the world.
It's not photoshopped; she rapidly rotated her torso in time for the photo, causing her breasts to extend horizontally from centrifugal force. Her hair's horizontally extended too from her head snapping around.
No such thing, really its centripetal forces pulling inwards.
If you want to get technical about it, the breasts undergo acceleration due to being tethered in a rotating frame of reference which prevents them from following a straight-line trajectory along the curvature of space-time. Saying that it's centrifugal force leads to less confusion, since it's a concept that most people are already familiar with.
Only on an Aspergers site would a picture of a naked woman's tits turn into a conversation like this.
:lol:
:plus:
Parts,Tesla and Peter. (Sorry Hadron, can't :plus: you.)
-
:zoinks:
-
One would think that those nipple thingies would hurt.
-
One would think that those nipple thingies would hurt.
Or break your teeth :eyebrows:
-
I saw this sign today. I stopped and waited but got no service :'(
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/009-3.jpg)
-
:lol:
-
I
(http://www.webdesigntutorials.net/tutorials/photoshop_tutorials/images/heart/heart_pic9.gif)
(http://vivirlatino.com/i/2007/10/HillaryClinton.jpg)
(http://ucscplant.ucsc.edu/ucscplant/Grounds/images/bw_oak_tree.gif)
(http://www.marsneedsguitars.com/blog_pics/music%20notes.jpg)
Translation?
-
I love country music.
-
To the UK crowd you'd put maggie thatchers picture in place of Hillary's. :P
-
It represents a current topic. She may be a cunt, but she is, in my opinion, the least of the evils we are offered as choices. The other two (electable) candidates are cunts as well, but they appear to be dripping thick greenish yellow pus.
... besides, they call everyone cunts.
:D
-
It represents a current topic. She may be a cunt, but she is, in my opinion, the least of the evils we are offered as choices. The other two (electable) candidates are cunts as well, but they appear to be dripping thick greenish yellow pus.
... besides, they call everyone cunts.
:D
If it sounds bad................it is bad! :zombiefuck:
-
It represents a current topic. She may be a cunt, but she is, in my opinion, the least of the evils we are offered as choices. The other two (electable) candidates are cunts as well, but they appear to be dripping thick greenish yellow pus.
... besides, they call everyone cunts.
:D
yuck, that's disgusting! :puke:
it'll be interesting to see whether the US is more sexist than racist, though, won't it?
-
To the UK crowd you'd put maggie thatchers picture in place of Hillary's. :P
nah - bernard manning.
-
It represents a current topic. She may be a cunt, but she is, in my opinion, the least of the evils we are offered as choices. The other two (electable) candidates are cunts as well, but they appear to be dripping thick greenish yellow pus.
... besides, they call everyone cunts.
:D
yuck, that's disgusting! :puke:
it'll be interesting to see whether the US is more sexist than racist, though, won't it?
That makes very little sense, if you are referring to the Democratic party's front running nominee hopefuls. They are both sexist and racist.
.. as far as which kind of shit stinks worse, the woman seems more sexist and the black man seems more racist, which is predictable. Is that what you meant?
Either one would be better than drawing ever closer to outright martial law with the Republicans.
-
(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/112/305444912_9f15ea8878_b.jpg)
Something I found whilst looking for a titty cake :rofl:
-
(http://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r10/tomovuk/boom8fo8ne6xy.gif)
-
:LMAO:
-
:zoinks:
-
I found this on the net recently:
(http://galileoace.com/Random/5.2.08/Untitled-1.png)
(NB: It's probably an internal document for Australia Post)
I thought it was pretty funny.. But not funny enough:
(http://galileoace.com/Random/5.2.08/Untitled-2.png)
-
I stole this:
(http://galileoace.com/Random/5.2.08/P1000741.jpg)
-
I found this on the net recently:
(http://galileoace.com/Random/5.2.08/Untitled-1.png)
(NB: It's probably an internal document for Australia Post)
I thought it was pretty funny.. But not funny enough:
(http://galileoace.com/Random/5.2.08/Untitled-2.png)
He's trying to blow her head up with his mind
-
LOL
Actually he's making fun of her racial background :P
-
LOL
Actually he's making fun of her racial background :P
Yar! I know, I was just making a Scanners joke. I watched the episode of 'The Big Bang Theory' with the scanners joke recently.
-
Ah! I see :)
-
More Japanese weird shit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5kmT_jBTU4
-
:zoinks:
-
:LMAO:
-
:zoinks:
-
:lol:
-
:zoinks:
-
(http://www.zeldawiki.org/images/2/2d/TingleIcon.gif)
-
:zoinks:
LMFAO at the true love one.
-
:laugh:
Photoshop is such a boon for the world.
It's not photoshopped; she rapidly rotated her torso in time for the photo, causing her breasts to extend horizontally from centrifugal force. Her hair's horizontally extended too from her head snapping around.
No such thing, really its centripetal forces pulling inwards.
If you want to get technical about it, the breasts undergo acceleration due to being tethered in a rotating frame of reference which prevents them from following a straight-line trajectory along the curvature of space-time. Saying that it's centrifugal force leads to less confusion, since it's a concept that most people are already familiar with.
Only on an Aspergers site would a picture of a naked woman's tits turn into a conversation like this.
+ Tesla.
-
(http://i1.tinypic.com/67fmm2a.gif)
-
I'd probably do the same thing :laugh:
-
:anal:
-
FC dude
-
(http://i1.tinypic.com/67fmm2a.gif)
I may be going to hell for laughing my ass off at that.
-
(http://i1.tinypic.com/67fmm2a.gif)
I may be going to hell for laughing my ass off at that.
Well, we'll be in good and humorous company! :evillaugh: :laugh:
-
(http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb218/commentsjunkie/animated/addnvkfds.gif)
-
(http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb218/commentsjunkie/animated/addnvkfds.gif)
I hope it wasn't injured.
-
ignore the misspelling.
(http://www.motifake.com/motivational_posters/c5d61043e8.jpg)
-
(http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb218/commentsjunkie/animated/addnvkfds.gif)
I hope it wasn't injured.
Most likely not. Dogs are very tough and the vehicle appears to be traveling about the speed of the dog running alongside.
This kind of embarrasses me. My kindred are so fucking stupid and impulsive, sometimes.
:lol:
-
:lol:
You do that, too, then? :laugh:
-
:glug:
-
:o That's not funny, that's scary.
-
It's in the so tasteless it's funny category. What can I say I have a very demented sense of humor
-
i thought it was funny, but then i was a teacher for twenty years. :laugh:
-
:o That's not funny, that's scary.
I'm with Odeon, I don't like girls in gray shirts either, scary AND tasteless.
-
He/she Looks like the kid in the Road Warrior
-
:lol:
You do that, too, then? :laugh:
Yes, but I usually get to my feet quicker than that dawg did..
-
(http://www.smilespedia.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/untitled-1.jpg)
-
:eyebrows:
-
:o WTF?
-
THAT CANNOT BE REAL! :puke:
-
The current Guiness World Record holder:
(http://www.4to40.com/images/recordbook/Stephen_Taylor.jpg)
Stephen Taylor (UK) has a tongue that measures 9.5 cm (3.74 in) from the tip to the centre of his closed top lip. It was measured on the set of 'Lo Show dei Record' in Milan, Italy on January 5, 2006.
-
The current Guiness World Record holder:
(http://www.4to40.com/images/recordbook/Stephen_Taylor.jpg)
Stephen Taylor (UK) has a tongue that measures 9.5 cm (3.74 in) from the tip to the centre of his closed top lip. It was measured on the set of 'Lo Show dei Record' in Milan, Italy on January 5, 2006.
:D
I bet that helps him eat his bogies with ease...
-
pah, he beat me. mine's only 3 inches. :'(
i can still stick it up my nose, though. ;D
-
"Say cheese"
-
Here a video that has some breasts and a funny song.
http://www.tagtele.com/videos/voir/11924 (http://www.tagtele.com/videos/voir/11924)
-
pah, he beat me. mine's only 3 inches. :'(
i can still stick it up my nose, though. ;D
*is jealous*
-
"Say cheese"
Didn't I post that pic in this thread a while ago?
-
pah, he beat me. mine's only 3 inches. :'(
i can still stick it up my nose, though. ;D
*is jealous*
as long as it's mine and not yours, eh?
:LMAO:
it's a great talent to have - keeps the kids quiet in class when all else fails. ;)
-
"Say cheese"
Didn't I post that pic in this thread a while ago?
Maybe I found it somewhere else this thread moves kinda quick
-
pah, he beat me. mine's only 3 inches. :'(
i can still stick it up my nose, though. ;D
*is jealous*
as long as it's mine and not yours, eh?
:LMAO:
it's a great talent to have - keeps the kids quiet in class when all else fails. ;)
In 6th grade my daughter's social studies teacher, (who retired a year or two after) was renowned for flipping his dentures in his mouth when he was stressed and it became a highlight of the students year when he did so. He was a very boring teacher, I might add! One day, Amber who had heard about this "phenomenon" asked him publicly to "flip his dentures" and he willingly did so. :laugh:
-
"Say cheese"
Didn't I post that pic in this thread a while ago?
Someone did.
I thought it was I who posted it.
It's as funny the second time, though.
There are buttloads of places for funny shit on the 'nets, but none can touch this thread. Last summer, I read the whole thing again and LMAO
I may have to start somewhere around 20070601 and read it all again.
:D
-
http://www.xkcd.com/136/
LMFAO
-
:plus:
-
Girl tries to flash Google's streetview camera:
The link was crazy long. (http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=18821+May+St,+Homewood,+IL+60430&sll=40.778039,-73.972535&sspn=0.016704,0.03974&layer=c&ie=UTF8&cbll=41.547412,-87.642495&panoid=6WQU2RGVaPYdF6ai7m-Jpw&cbp=1,338.30794082032645,,0,15.78385267667244&ll=41.558757,-87.646008&spn=0.026268,0.058365&z=14&source=embed)
-
Girl tries to flash Google's streetview camera:
The link was crazy long. (http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=18821+May+St,+Homewood,+IL+60430&sll=40.778039,-73.972535&sspn=0.016704,0.03974&layer=c&ie=UTF8&cbll=41.547412,-87.642495&panoid=6WQU2RGVaPYdF6ai7m-Jpw&cbp=1,338.30794082032645,,0,15.78385267667244&ll=41.558757,-87.646008&spn=0.026268,0.058365&z=14&source=embed)
All I got was a Google map of an address.
:-\
-
Girl tries to flash Google's streetview camera:
The link was crazy long. (http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=18821+May+St,+Homewood,+IL+60430&sll=40.778039,-73.972535&sspn=0.016704,0.03974&layer=c&ie=UTF8&cbll=41.547412,-87.642495&panoid=6WQU2RGVaPYdF6ai7m-Jpw&cbp=1,338.30794082032645,,0,15.78385267667244&ll=41.558757,-87.646008&spn=0.026268,0.058365&z=14&source=embed)
All I got was a Google map of an address.
:-\
Here is a screen shot. Does google drive marked cars or does she do this at random? :laugh:
-
Girl tries to flash Google's streetview camera:
The link was crazy long. (http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=18821+May+St,+Homewood,+IL+60430&sll=40.778039,-73.972535&sspn=0.016704,0.03974&layer=c&ie=UTF8&cbll=41.547412,-87.642495&panoid=6WQU2RGVaPYdF6ai7m-Jpw&cbp=1,338.30794082032645,,0,15.78385267667244&ll=41.558757,-87.646008&spn=0.026268,0.058365&z=14&source=embed)
All I got was a Google map of an address.
:-\
Hit the streetview button.
-
"Say cheese"
Didn't I post that pic in this thread a while ago?
Maybe I found it somewhere else this thread moves kinda quick
Probably. I recognised the pic, that's all. :)
-
Sir Paul's Hybrid Lexus is delivered by jet.
(I know this is a couple of days old, but it belongs here, since we don't have a laugh/cry thread)
"Unfortunately for Mr. McCartney, the green aspects of the car--valid or not-- were overshadowed by the fact that it was delivered to him by plane direct from Japan, which made the carbon footprint of shipping the car 100 times bigger than had it been shipped by boat.
A source close to the former Beatle was quoted as saying that Paul will be "horrified after learning it was delivered by plane. Paul has always campaigned for green issues and he can’t understand why anyone would send an enormous car from Japan to Britain on a plane." Just how high is the carbon impact of shipping a car 7,000 miles on a Korean Air Flight?"
-
We know it's true now I intercepted this from Callaways currier
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/006-10.jpg)
-
:laugh: :clap:
-
Who was she sending it to?? ???
-
Who was she sending it to?? ???
This one the army others to th CIA NSA ect
-
http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/sexdiet.html
Scroll to the bottom for more humor! :laugh:
-
We know it's true now I intercepted this from Callaways currier
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/006-10.jpg)
:LMAO:
I knew that I should not have used that wimpy courier for such an important task. At least the CIA and NSA dossiers made it.
:laugh:
-
Here they are:
(http://home.ca.inter.net/~hagelin/TopSecretDossier.JPG)
:lol:
-
:zoinks:
-
LMFAO at the jesus one.
-
Former PM Jean Chretien wants proof,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aX6XMIldkRU
-
We know it's true now I intercepted this from Callaways currier
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/006-10.jpg)
:LMAO: :plus:
-
(http://silhouettemasterpiecetheatre.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/hibearbyebear.jpg)
-
:laugh:
-
:plus: :lol:
-
:plus: :laugh:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNbdTnJYguE
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNbdTnJYguE
:lol: is that a regular show online?
-
:zoinks:
This is a photo from a regular news organization about Lebanon does he look freaky or what
-
Watch out he's coming for you
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNbdTnJYguE
:lol: is that a regular show online?
Kenny vs. Spenny. It used to air on CBC and Showcase here in Canada, not sure if it's aired in the US/elsewhere.
-
:zoinks:
-
:zoinks:
-
What the hell's holding that axe murderer's skirt up?
-
Her evil psychic powers
-
Epoxy and a clothes hanger!
-
Her evil psychic powers
I thought "Carrie" when I saw that picture. :hide:
-
Her evil psychic powers
I thought "Carrie" when I saw that picture. :hide:
She looks a lot like me.
:laugh:
-
Just what are you teaching your daughter? :P
-
:
-
When the sun goes down, why don't we die? :drool:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLG-XYuB-Mc
-
When the sun goes down, why don't we die? :drool:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLG-XYuB-Mc
:LMAO:
-
(http://www.handrooster.com/comics/20070427.gif)
-
(http://www.handrooster.com/comics/20070427.gif)
I hate those sorts of captchas. If I have to take several tries to get it right, re-entering my password in duplicate each time the form refreshes, the designer has screwed up.
-
(http://www.4life-clan.net/BUKAKE/002600052008066.jpg)
-
Sweet 8) ;)
-
(http://www.4life-clan.net/BUKAKE/002600052008066.jpg)
Those oreos are airbrushed! (and disgusting)
-
:laugh: How can you tell?
-
Dunno about the oreos, but her skin's way too unnaturally soft.
-
Dunno about the oreos, but her skin's way too unnaturally soft.
Airbrushing will do that, I'v looked into enough Playboy's and Penthouses to know airbrushing when I see it. NOBODY has skin that perfect! :laugh: I do like the red hair, dark eyes though! >:D
And NO, I wasn't just looking to read the articles. Though Playboy did have better writers than most other mags. :eyebrows:
-
Fred was beginning to suspect a leak at the local nuclear plant.
-
Don't read too much philosophical literature; it only serves to take flexible young minds and tie them up in impossible knots. Philosophers are to literature what Escher is to art; too much of it will make you dizzy and confused.
:rofl:
That's as good as the laser cats.
-
Fred was beginning to suspect a leak at the local nuclear plant.
:LMAO: :plus:
-
This is why team work sucks
-
(http://www.jeremygaddis.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/11982893749011.jpg)
-
:D
-
:lol:
-
clever :laugh:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jahKMjPD30 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jahKMjPD30)
-
Scrub your stinky pussy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA4L3lJnl-E
-
http://www.totallycrap.com/videos/videos_construction_workers_get_a_nasty_surprise/
-
(http://www.marcofolio.net/images/stories/fun/imagedump/imgdmp_0802_2/february_08_2_35.jpg)
To be able to spell?
(http://www.marcofolio.net/images/stories/fun/imagedump/imgdmp_0802_2/february_08_2_34.gif)
-
Anyone heard of Pat Condell (http://www.patcondell.net/index.html)
-
(http://www.marcofolio.net/images/stories/fun/imagedump/imgdmp_0802_2/february_08_2_34.gif)
I don't know why but that made me laugh. :plus:
-
There are some very impressive statistics on the CN tower. Its in Toronto. Anyone been there?
-
There are some very impressive statistics on the CN tower. Its in Toronto. Anyone been there?
I'd be afraid to, I might get smothered if she ever fell over onto me if she was on top! :eyebrows: But, then what a way to go! :evillaugh:
-
http://mintmannequin.deviantart.com/art/grave-endings-87639435
Am I imagining this because I'm realy immature, or does thhat tombstone look like a cock?
-
A little...But only because the suggestion was there ;)
-
PMS Elle made the suggestion! :laugh:
-
When Cats Attack...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcxhOGyrCtI&NR=1
Creeped me right out :o
-
http://flickr.com/photos/pinguino/2543609793/
Yum :green:
-
Scrub your stinky pussy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA4L3lJnl-E
Is that the guy who loves Britney Spears?
-
.
-
Five pirates and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
Each pirate will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next pirate in line will marry her and so on.
All the pirates get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different pirate each week.
The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies...
The first week after wasn't too bad.
The second week was getting sort of bad.
The third week was getting pretty bad.
The fourth week was really bad.
The fifth week was horrible!
By the sixth week it was unbearable...
So they buried her.
-
.
-
http://www.elks590.org/main/cooltest.htm
Take the test to find out if you are a "cool person"....
-
.
-
:plus:
I'm sharing the "KB" thing with my "fringe" at work (Yes, these are people from my "fringe." No, I can't really call them "friends," yet, but they seem as near the raveled edge as I am at times).
-
Five pirates and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
Each pirate will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next pirate in line will marry her and so on.
All the pirates get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different pirate each week.
The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies...
The first week after wasn't too bad.
The second week was getting sort of bad.
The third week was getting pretty bad.
The fourth week was really bad.
The fifth week was horrible!
By the sixth week it was unbearable...
So they buried her.
:plus: I haven't heard a new horrible joke in awhile- cna't wait to tell it and watch people cringe!
-
All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time to consider how their online name might appear!
These are not made up. Check them out yourself!
1. 'Who Represents' is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is: www.whorepresents.com
2.. 'Experts Exchange' is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at:
www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a great pen? Look no further than
' Pen Island '. It can be found at:
www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try 'Therapist Finder' at: www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then there's the 'Italian Power Generator' company.. Check it out at: www.powergenitalia.com
6.'IP computer' software, there's always: www.ip_anywhere.com
7. 'The First Cumming Methodist Church' Web site is:www.cummingfirst.com
8. And the designers at 'Speed of Art' await you at their wacky Web site: www.speedofart.com
Have a fun day! Just be careful what you name YOUR new web site
-
:laugh: :plus: to all above. I needed the laughs. Much happier now. :)
-
:laugh: :plus: to all above. I needed the laughs. Much happier now. :)
:hug:
:-*
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Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted fan
Jim
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PseudoDr. (she does not have a "real" Phd, except in her ability to Pile It HIGH and DEEP), Shlessinger, has about as much credibility as any AM Radio talk show attention whore. You or I could command a rapt and attentive audience if we had the ability to spout biblical or pseudo ethical crap that is oriented to the mentality of a two year old.
She has a large and loyal following of people who have the minds and intellects of jellyfish. Unfortunately, there is a large percentage of the US population that is under that category of sub human intellect. I believe that they are still stuck at the level of Lemur's on the primate evolutionary tree. And I think I'm being complimentary on the estimation!
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I've never heard of her before. We don't get Dr Phil here either, though I've at least heard of him.
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http://www.francesfarmersrevenge.com/stuff/laura/ More than you ever wanted to see of Dr laura :o
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I wonder why she caught a case of centipedes later in life.
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:indeed: Reneaden.
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(http://www.petermack.dreamhosters.com/sharefiles/misc/0001/centipedes.jpg)
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I've never heard of her before. We don't get Dr Phil here either, though I've at least heard of him.
She had her heyday about 10 or so years ago. Dr. Phil is also fading in public interest. Sooner or later controversial figures become secondary characters as the latest "flavors of the month" climb up in the public attention span. ::)
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fortune_cookies.png)
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:laugh: :plus:
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(http://www.boners.com/content/806021.1.jpg)
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Peter, Ahayes would have loved your post.
“Four youths from Canberra, Australia pulled off a trick of breathtaking bravado in order to gain revenge on a mobile speed camera van operating in the area.
Three of the group approached the van and distracted the operator’s attention by asking a series of questions about how the equipment worked and how many cars the operator could catch in a day.
Meanwhile, the fourth musketeer sneaked to the front of the van and unscrewed its numberplate.
After bidding the van operator goodbye, the friends returned home, fixed the number plate to their car and drove through the camera’s radar at high speed – 17 times. As a result, the automated billing system issued 17 speeding tickets to itself.”
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:indeed: Reneaden.
What's that about?
(you spelt it wrong btw :P )
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About what I said on the previous page and I don't mind if my name is spelt wrong (sometimes).
(http://www.makememinimal.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/intrucciones_acabar_cubo_rubik.jpg)
(http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/puddlestomper.gif)
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:indeed: Reneaden.
What's that about?
(you spelt it wrong btw :P )
I should have quoted and watched my spelling more closely.
It was in response to this ...
:laugh: :plus: to all above. I needed the laughs. Much happier now. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's wrong? Did you think that I was agreeing with her when I shouldn't have been?
:D
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... or did you think I was making a joke out of misspelling her name?
:orly:
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No :P
I was just confused, it seemed like it came out of now where..and I was wondering "I wonder what that's about..." so I asked ;)
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my sister sent me these - i nearly pissed myself laughing! apologies for the upper case lettering.
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7 MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA ! WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17.. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN
24 ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
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Hot live chat:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6BZlVjNnbQ
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Related to the above:
(http://youradhere.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/sexchat.jpg)
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Renaeden :plus:
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Tesla :rofl: :plus:
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No :P
I was just confused, it seemed like it came out of now where..and I was wondering "I wonder what that's about..." so I asked ;)
If you say so.
:laugh:
... and next you're going to try to tell me that, brandishing your twelve foot lance, atop a dancing, high-strung steed, all the while keeping said lance trained on my throat, the thought of blazing courageously past any and ALL obstacles to her every defense, never entered your mind?
Uh huh.
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No :P
I was just confused, it seemed like it came out of now where..and I was wondering "I wonder what that's about..." so I asked ;)
If you say so.
:laugh:
... and next you're going to try to tell me that, brandishing your twelve foot lance, atop a dancing, high-strung steed, all the while keeping said lance trained on my throat, the thought of blazing courageously past any and ALL obstacles to her every defense, never entered your mind?
Uh huh.
What the fuck are you on about?
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(http://a1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/67/l_f10bf6d04df54e25864789e9abb97ed0.gif)
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Even the Mail occasionally has a funny story in it...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1025942/Middle-aged-male-teacher-sacked-bizarre-striptease-stunned-class.html
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Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
Lol at that part especially. +
Peter, Ahayes would have loved your post.
“Four youths from Canberra, Australia pulled off a trick of breathtaking bravado in order to gain revenge on a mobile speed camera van operating in the area.
Three of the group approached the van and distracted the operator’s attention by asking a series of questions about how the equipment worked and how many cars the operator could catch in a day.
Meanwhile, the fourth musketeer sneaked to the front of the van and unscrewed its numberplate.
After bidding the van operator goodbye, the friends returned home, fixed the number plate to their car and drove through the camera’s radar at high speed – 17 times. As a result, the automated billing system issued 17 speeding tickets to itself.”
Hahahahahahahahahaa!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YQmkDDCyXQ
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Hot live chat:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6BZlVjNnbQ
:rofl: :plus: That was fuckin' twisted.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YQmkDDCyXQ
:laugh:
Where did you find that?
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Hot live chat:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6BZlVjNnbQ
>:D
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:laugh:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YQmkDDCyXQ
:laugh:
Where did you find that?
Amy showed it to me... She came across it on http://www.hulu.com/
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What is it? (I am pathetic and can't click on one of those unless I know a bit of what it's about.
#202477 +(7167)- [X]
(Mootar) morons.
(Mootar) these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless
(Mootar) they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network
(Mootar) unfortunatly, the connection works both ways
(Mootar) long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer
#212775 +(7171)- [X]
Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"
Primus521: lol
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
Primus521: omfg
Primus521: til the day i die
Primus521: i will never forget it
#583977 +(7422)- [X]
<DannyB> some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet
<DannyB> i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back
<DannyB> and can reload from there if i die
<DannyB> she was confused
Apologies if I have posted these before.
(http://wanted.eu.org/i/20070913-Vision_Express/vision_express_1.jpg)
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What is it? (I am pathetic and can't click on one of those unless I know a bit of what it's about.
#202477 +(7167)- [X]
(Mootar) morons.
(Mootar) these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless
(Mootar) they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network
(Mootar) unfortunatly, the connection works both ways
(Mootar) long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer
#212775 +(7171)- [X]
Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"
Primus521: lol
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
Primus521: omfg
Primus521: til the day i die
Primus521: i will never forget it
#583977 +(7422)- [X]
<DannyB> some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet
<DannyB> i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back
<DannyB> and can reload from there if i die
<DannyB> she was confused
Apologies if I have posted these before.
(http://wanted.eu.org/i/20070913-Vision_Express/vision_express_1.jpg)
Omfg where are those quotes from- if there's a site full fo them I need to waste oodles of time on it. Hilarious.
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They are from www.bash.org
I hope you enjoy the laughs. I have cried laughing at some of the stuff on there. :)
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A post in alt.religion.christian.roman-catholic:
I'm safe from anything that harms
The dangers all completely perish
In Daddy's tender loving arms
Cos he's the man I love and cherish
There's hassles in the world below
But all of them I rise above
Cos Daddy's kisses make them go
Daddy's penis brings me love
My Daddy's thrusts between my legs
Bring joy, fulfilment, drive me wild
One day he'll spray my fertile eggs
And make my womb swell with his child.
We'll raise some children, I'm quite sure,
They'll suckle at my loving breast
The world outside may be at war
But we have peace, and pure incest.
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.
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They are from www.bash.org
I hope you enjoy the laughs. I have cried laughing at some of the stuff on there. :)
:lol: :plus:
<@Terror> "It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield."
<@cky> opposite over hypotenuse
<@cky> dipshit
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Wharrgarbl!
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Wharrgarbl!
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Imagine the difficulty he'll face, after the breakup, of finding a girl who's willing to fuck him while his ex grins at her.
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Imagine the difficulty he'll face, after the breakup, of finding a girl who's willing to fuck him while his ex grins at her.
First rule in tattoos, never tattoo the name of anyone including Jesus on your body.
Second rule in tattoos, never tattoo the face of anyone including Jesus on your body.
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Is "I :heart: Mum" OK? :P
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This one makes me think of Plank:
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Is "I :heart: Mum" OK? :P
It's iffy.
I used to know a guy with this tattoo though:
(http://www.bmeink.com/A60828/high/lowpb341990.jpg)
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Imagine the difficulty he'll face, after the breakup, of finding a girl who's willing to fuck him while his ex grins at her.
First rule in tattoos, never tattoo the name of anyone including Jesus on your body.
Second rule in tattoos, never tattoo the face of anyone including Jesus on your body.
QFT :plus:
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This one makes me think of Plank:
Seriously disturbing to see some guy wearing that many polo shirts and to have some girl actually like him despite it! :P
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This one makes me think of Plank:
Seriously disturbing to see some guy wearing that many polo shirts and to have some girl actually like him despite it! :P
Maybe it's his sister.
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This one makes me think of Plank:
:LMAO:
:plus:
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This one makes me think of Plank:
Seriously disturbing to see some guy wearing that many polo shirts and to have some girl actually like him despite it! :P
Maybe it's his sister.
"Vice is nice,
but incest is best." --Ogden Nash
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opps :laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Mcd0eTqom0
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This is a nice little WTF moment. (http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1168) (webcomic link)
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This is a nice little WTF moment. (http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1168) (webcomic link)
(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1168.png)
Better? :)
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Lol- apparently if I get tired enough I forget about right-clicking to link an image.
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hehe
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Lol- apparently if I get tired enough I forget about right-clicking to link an image.
At work, the intranet programs (Adobe based crap!) have right-click and center-click mouse functions disabled, FFS. The only keyboard shortcuts that work are Control+C and Control+V.
I get very perturbed at times when I am rushed to finish something and try to use my "normal" routines. I can't figure out why "shit ain't workin' today" and people laugh, because I have become comfortable enough with some of the crew to show my "real self" at times of frustration. They laugh even more when that happens.
:zoinks:
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The golden ipod award:
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Who is Mitchell Henderson?
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A train hits a bus load of school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St Peter.
St Peter asks first girl, 'Rebecca, have you ever had any contact with a penis?'
She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.'
St Peter says, 'OK, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'
St Peter asks the next girl the same question, 'Meg have you ever had any contact with a penis?'
The girl is a little reluctant but replies 'Well once I fondled and stroked one.'
St Peter says 'OK, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls; one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line.
When she reaches the front of the line St Peter says 'Amy! What seems to be the rush?'
The girl replies 'If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jenny sticks her arse in it'
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:lol:
:plus:
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Who is Mitchell Henderson?
He was an hero. (http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Mitchell_Henderson)
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Peaguy's YouTube with his sword is featured in this Encyclopedia Dramatica article:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Asperger_Syndrome#Moar_Asspies_in_their_natural_habitat
:laugh:
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Peaguy's YouTube with his sword is featured in this Encyclopedia Dramatica article:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Asperger_Syndrome#Moar_Asspies_in_their_natural_habitat
:laugh:
This one too: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/awfulvision/wheelchair-weezer-cheeseburger.php?page=8
And when they call me a fucking failure, they mean your daughter as well. ;)
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Damn, I'm glad I have all the videos that feature me off my youtube account.
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Peaguy's YouTube with his sword is featured in this Encyclopedia Dramatica article:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Asperger_Syndrome#Moar_Asspies_in_their_natural_habitat
:laugh:
This one too: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/awfulvision/wheelchair-weezer-cheeseburger.php?page=8
And when they call me a fucking failure, they mean your daughter as well. ;)
:rofl:
P, it seems you are becoming quite a celebrity. Have you got a media career secretly planned out.
Actually it would be brilliant to see you replace the pricks that currently go on tour to speak about "their Autism" and being an "aspie". Just an image I have of you not so wowing the all so academic audience to these things... :evillaugh:
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Peaguy's YouTube with his sword is featured in this Encyclopedia Dramatica article:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Asperger_Syndrome#Moar_Asspies_in_their_natural_habitat
:laugh:
This one too: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/awfulvision/wheelchair-weezer-cheeseburger.php?page=8
And when they call me a fucking failure, they mean your daughter as well. ;)
:rofl:
P, it seems you are becoming quite a celebrity. Have you got a media career secretly planned out.
Actually it would be brilliant to see you replace the pricks that currently go on tour to speak about "their Autism" and being an "aspie". Just an image I have of you not so wowing the all so academic audience to these things... :evillaugh:
It's all about appearances, Hadron. I wonder what P is like in Real Life.
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Peaguy's YouTube with his sword is featured in this Encyclopedia Dramatica article:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Asperger_Syndrome#Moar_Asspies_in_their_natural_habitat
:laugh:
This one too: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/awfulvision/wheelchair-weezer-cheeseburger.php?page=8
And when they call me a fucking failure, they mean your daughter as well. ;)
:rofl:
P, it seems you are becoming quite a celebrity. Have you got a media career secretly planned out.
Actually it would be brilliant to see you replace the pricks that currently go on tour to speak about "their Autism" and being an "aspie". Just an image I have of you not so wowing the all so academic audience to these things... :evillaugh:
It's all about appearances, Hadron. I wonder what P is like in Real Life.
IMHO, I believe that what you see is what you get! :headbang2:
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Peaguy's YouTube with his sword is featured in this Encyclopedia Dramatica article:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Asperger_Syndrome#Moar_Asspies_in_their_natural_habitat
:laugh:
This one too: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/awfulvision/wheelchair-weezer-cheeseburger.php?page=8
And when they call me a fucking failure, they mean your daughter as well. ;)
:rofl:
P, it seems you are becoming quite a celebrity. Have you got a media career secretly planned out.
Actually it would be brilliant to see you replace the pricks that currently go on tour to speak about "their Autism" and being an "aspie". Just an image I have of you not so wowing the all so academic audience to these things... :evillaugh:
It's all about appearances, Hadron. I wonder what P is like in Real Life.
IMHO, I believe that what you see is what you get! :headbang2:
I disagree. I think that he plays the clown for us, but that's not who he really is like IRL.
I think that this guy got it pretty much totally wrong:
I watched this video, and immediately afterwards, I had all sorts of assumptions about this jerk. Among them:
He probably lives in Indiana or perhaps Ohio.
20 years old
Community college alumni majoring in "undecided".
Outspoken Libertarian, but "leaning towards McCain".
Will talk your fucking arm off about the differences between "Jungle" and "IDM" music.
Works at either the local Wal-Mart (in the Electronics department, naturally) or at the local movie theater (cashier/projectionist).
Thinks Affirmative Action is a waste of the incredibly miniscule amount of taxes he pays from his minimum wage job.
Is secretly terrified of black people.
Dates a girl at least 60 pounds heavier than himself.
That is not his only sword. Not by a fucking longshot.
Had a hard time deciding whether to wear the shirt in the video with or without his dragon button-up over it.
Owns a car made in 1991. And by car I mean van. And by own I mean it's in his parents name and they pay the insurance because he can't afford it.
Once ate two P'Zones in one sitting; loves those new Mt. Dew flavored Doritos.
Self-diagnosed Aspergers. Thinks he deserves a handicapped parking space permit because of it.
Ayn Rand is mentioned at least 3 times on his Myspace profile.
Then I clicked his profile. "25 years old; from the UK".
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Peaguy's YouTube with his sword is featured in this Encyclopedia Dramatica article:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Asperger_Syndrome#Moar_Asspies_in_their_natural_habitat
:laugh:
This one too: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/awfulvision/wheelchair-weezer-cheeseburger.php?page=8
And when they call me a fucking failure, they mean your daughter as well. ;)
:rofl:
P, it seems you are becoming quite a celebrity. Have you got a media career secretly planned out.
Actually it would be brilliant to see you replace the pricks that currently go on tour to speak about "their Autism" and being an "aspie". Just an image I have of you not so wowing the all so academic audience to these things... :evillaugh:
It's all about appearances, Hadron. I wonder what P is like in Real Life.
So are those conferences really, its one speech. I am sure P could pull off an absolute cracker of a show. Though most people are different irl to online I guess, I am curious to how much of a difference there is for each of the members here actually...
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Peaguy's YouTube with his sword is featured in this Encyclopedia Dramatica article:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Asperger_Syndrome#Moar_Asspies_in_their_natural_habitat
:laugh:
I asked Peaguy if he knew about it in his ask away thread...Actually it would be brilliant to see you replace the pricks that currently go on tour to speak about "their Autism" and being an "aspie". Just an image I have of you not so wowing the all so academic audience to these things... :evillaugh:
I would like to see Peaguy do this.
Am planning on doing that as well in October. The uneducated educating the educated.
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You know you're a nurse when..
1) the front of your scrubs reads 'Nurses... here to
save your ass, not kiss it!'
2) you occasionally park in the space with the
'physicians only' sign... and knock it over.
3) you recognize that you can't cure stupid.
4) you own at least three pens with the names of
prescription medications on them.
5) you believe that saying 'it can't get any worse'
causes it to get worse just to show you it can.
6) you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
7) you believe that any job where you can drive to work
in your pajamas is a cool one.
8 ) you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.
9) you've been exposed to so many x-rays that you
consider it a form of birth control.
10) you've heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow
ring, and twelve earrings say 'I'm afraid of shots.'
11) you have seen more penises than any prostitute could
dream of.
12) you believe that not all patients are annoying...
some are unconscious.
13) your family and friends refuse to watch medical
sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time
correcting everyone and p ointing out upside down
x-rays.
14) you don't get excited about blood, unless it's your
own.
15) you've sworn to have 'do not resuscitate' tattooed on
your chest. Soon.
16) your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down
to eat.
17) your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift
change.
18) you believe in the aerial spraying of prozac.
19) you believe that 'shallow gene pool' should be a
recognized diagnosis.
20) you believe that the government should require
permits to reproduce.
21) you've had to leave a patient's room before
you begin to laugh uncontrollably. Absolutely true!!
--
Thought for the day: Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
-
10) you've heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow
ring, and twelve earrings say 'I'm afraid of shots.'
I'm totally that patient. :laugh:
-
Peaguy's YouTube with his sword is featured in this Encyclopedia Dramatica article:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Asperger_Syndrome#Moar_Asspies_in_their_natural_habitat
:laugh:
This one too: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/awfulvision/wheelchair-weezer-cheeseburger.php?page=8
And when they call me a fucking failure, they mean your daughter as well. ;)
:rofl:
P, it seems you are becoming quite a celebrity. Have you got a media career secretly planned out.
Actually it would be brilliant to see you replace the pricks that currently go on tour to speak about "their Autism" and being an "aspie". Just an image I have of you not so wowing the all so academic audience to these things... :evillaugh:
It's all about appearances, Hadron. I wonder what P is like in Real Life.
IMHO, I believe that what you see is what you get! :headbang2:
I doubt it. I think he puts on a show for us.
-
10) you've heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow
ring, and twelve earrings say 'I'm afraid of shots.'
I'm totally that patient. :laugh:
I thought of you when I posted that. Well, if you ever show up at a medical facility that I'm working in, just let me know who you are and I'll cut you some slack! 8)
-
:zoinks:
(http://data.tumblr.com/9056230_400.jpg)
(http://apps.rockyou.com/images/facebook/apps/superwall/2008_01_24_caps_lock.jpg)
-
(http://warehouse.carlh.com/comic/theWAREHOUSE_comic_215.jpg)
(http://www.nearingzero.net/screen_res/nz182.jpg)
-
10) you've heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow
ring, and twelve earrings say 'I'm afraid of shots.'
I'm totally that patient. :laugh:
I thought of you when I posted that. Well, if you ever show up at a medical facility that I'm working in, just let me know who you are and I'll cut you some slack! 8)
You mean you won't remember her ventilated ears?
I laughed so hard when you said, "Thank God you're here, ventilated ear woman," after she posted her ear picture. Of course I think that she has 22 earrings, not 12.
How can someone with so many piercings be afraid of shots?
-
10) you've heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow
ring, and twelve earrings say 'I'm afraid of shots.'
I'm totally that patient. :laugh:
I thought of you when I posted that. Well, if you ever show up at a medical facility that I'm working in, just let me know who you are and I'll cut you some slack! 8)
You mean you won't remember her ventilated ears?
I laughed so hard when you said, "Thank God you're here, ventilated ear woman," after she posted her ear picture. Of course I think that she has 22 earrings, not 12.
How can someone with so many piercings be afraid of shots?
I don't really know, but, it does happen! My daughter has one piercing in each ear and she hates shots. I don't mind getting shots, blood draws or IV's put in. But, the idea of getting a peircing gives me the heebie jeebies. :zoinks:
-
10) you've heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow
ring, and twelve earrings say 'I'm afraid of shots.'
I'm totally that patient. :laugh:
I thought of you when I posted that. Well, if you ever show up at a medical facility that I'm working in, just let me know who you are and I'll cut you some slack! 8)
You mean you won't remember her ventilated ears?
I laughed so hard when you said, "Thank God you're here, ventilated ear woman," after she posted her ear picture. Of course I think that she has 22 earrings, not 12.
How can someone with so many piercings be afraid of shots?
Well, I'm not too bad about the actual SHOT part if it's intramuscular, but I've passed out after an intramuscular shot before- walking back out of the office, mind you, and feeling fine until the dizziness hit- so I now insist that following any shot I be allowed to lie down for a little while afterward, even if I don't feel at all bad right after the shot. Getting blood drawn, or anything to do with veins, though... yuuugghhhh. I just don't like veins. And when you get your ears pierced, mind you, it's just one fast stab, and you don't have to SEE it. The nose was a little grosser, but it's the only body piercing I have (and I had to lie down after that- because it was the piercing place's policy, if I remeber right. And I also bled a lot from it, apparently).
-
The same thing happened to me the last time I got a shot, but I thought it was just a bad reaction of some sort to the meds.
-
The same thing happened to me the last time I got a shot, but I thought it was just a bad reaction of some sort to the meds.
Could well have been for me too as it only happened the once, but that's not something I'm going to fuck around with, especially times when I'm driving ymself home from the shot, lol.
-
LOL, yes, I would not want it to happen when driving.
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/six_months.png)
And, I'm horrified to realize I've not been reading the mouse-overs on XKDC; I refuse to go back and look at them all right now but they're great.
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/string_theory.png)
So how well does this summary work?
-
Reasonably well, except that conclusions can be made and so the "I dunno" is a little off.
-
10) you've heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow
ring, and twelve earrings say 'I'm afraid of shots.'
I'm totally that patient. :laugh:
I thought of you when I posted that. Well, if you ever show up at a medical facility that I'm working in, just let me know who you are and I'll cut you some slack! 8)
You mean you won't remember her ventilated ears?
I laughed so hard when you said, "Thank God you're here, ventilated ear woman," after she posted her ear picture. Of course I think that she has 22 earrings, not 12.
How can someone with so many piercings be afraid of shots?
I don't really know, but, it does happen! My daughter has one piercing in each ear and she hates shots. I don't mind getting shots, blood draws or IV's put in. But, the idea of getting a peircing gives me the heebie jeebies. :zoinks:
I don't mind getting shots... last time I had blood drawn, I could actually feel the needle pop into my vein. I remarked on how weird it felt, and she asked me if I gave a lot of blood. I told her that I didn't. Apparently I have tough veins.
I pierced my own ear with one of my sister's earrings before catching the school bus one morning. Although I haven't had anything in it for years, I can still get something in there if I try.
-
10) you've heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow
ring, and twelve earrings say 'I'm afraid of shots.'
I'm totally that patient. :laugh:
I thought of you when I posted that. Well, if you ever show up at a medical facility that I'm working in, just let me know who you are and I'll cut you some slack! 8)
You mean you won't remember her ventilated ears?
I laughed so hard when you said, "Thank God you're here, ventilated ear woman," after she posted her ear picture. Of course I think that she has 22 earrings, not 12.
How can someone with so many piercings be afraid of shots?
I don't really know, but, it does happen! My daughter has one piercing in each ear and she hates shots. I don't mind getting shots, blood draws or IV's put in. But, the idea of getting a peircing gives me the heebie jeebies. :zoinks:
I don't mind getting shots... last time I had blood drawn, I could actually feel the needle pop into my vein. I remarked on how weird it felt, and she asked me if I gave a lot of blood. I told her that I didn't. Apparently I have tough veins.
I pierced my own ear with one of my sister's earrings before catching the school bus one morning. Although I haven't had anything in it for years, I can still get something in there if I try.
Funny thing is my daughter had that happen with her first piercings. Somehow the flesh grew over the earing holders. It took a few weeks but, we got the original earring stuff out after much "owe" "Ouch" and crying. Then after that she re-pierced her ears on her own. THIS from a child who hates and fears pain. ::)
-
10) you've heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow
ring, and twelve earrings say 'I'm afraid of shots.'
I'm totally that patient. :laugh:
I thought of you when I posted that. Well, if you ever show up at a medical facility that I'm working in, just let me know who you are and I'll cut you some slack! 8)
You mean you won't remember her ventilated ears?
I laughed so hard when you said, "Thank God you're here, ventilated ear woman," after she posted her ear picture. Of course I think that she has 22 earrings, not 12.
How can someone with so many piercings be afraid of shots?
Well, I'm not too bad about the actual SHOT part if it's intramuscular, but I've passed out after an intramuscular shot before- walking back out of the office, mind you, and feeling fine until the dizziness hit- so I now insist that following any shot I be allowed to lie down for a little while afterward, even if I don't feel at all bad right after the shot. Getting blood drawn, or anything to do with veins, though... yuuugghhhh. I just don't like veins. And when you get your ears pierced, mind you, it's just one fast stab, and you don't have to SEE it. The nose was a little grosser, but it's the only body piercing I have (and I had to lie down after that- because it was the piercing place's policy, if I remeber right. And I also bled a lot from it, apparently).
I think that there is a physiological reaction to injections in some people that drastically lowers their blood pressure, perhaps as a defense against bleeding to death, and that could be the cause of the dizziness. My daughter fainted after she had several tubes of blood drawn.
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/six_months.png)
And, I'm horrified to realize I've not been reading the mouse-overs on XKDC; I refuse to go back and look at them all right now but they're great.
If you like XKCD, you might like Abstruse Goose (http://abstrusegoose.com/)
(http://abstrusegoose.com/strips/math_vs_physics.PNG)
-
I don't mind getting shots... last time I had blood drawn, I could actually feel the needle pop into my vein. I remarked on how weird it felt, and she asked me if I gave a lot of blood. I told her that I didn't. Apparently I have tough veins.
Tough from the thick layer of rancid cholesterol plaque that lines their insides?
-
If you like XKCD, you might like Abstruse Goose (http://abstrusegoose.com/)
(http://abstrusegoose.com/strips/math_vs_physics.PNG)
looks pretty cool; imma check it out.
-
I don't mind getting shots... last time I had blood drawn, I could actually feel the needle pop into my vein. I remarked on how weird it felt, and she asked me if I gave a lot of blood. I told her that I didn't. Apparently I have tough veins.
Tough from the thick layer of rancid cholesterol plaque that lines their insides?
That or all the heroin I did back in the day.
-
I don't mind getting shots... last time I had blood drawn, I could actually feel the needle pop into my vein. I remarked on how weird it felt, and she asked me if I gave a lot of blood. I told her that I didn't. Apparently I have tough veins.
Tough from the thick layer of rancid cholesterol plaque that lines their insides?
That or all the heroin I did back in the day.
I get blood tests done every three months, in order to track the dangers from the medication I take for tachycardia. They always want to put a tourniquet around my arm and I tell them they don't need to. They balk!
So, I let my arm dangle for a few seconds to capture some blood by gravitational action and make a fist, thus presenting them with about forty viable veins to choose from. All I have to do is let me arm hang down and it fills tight with blood.
I always like to see a familiar nurse/lab assistant, because she will know and I don't have to go into a ten minute discussion, but the new ones always want to try the tourniquet trick FIRST.
:grrr:
-
I know someone who asks the same thing. It's related to arm strength, right? Having done weight training gives a person more viable veins?
Actually, I also see it as an issue of personal choice vs the health care system. Nurses have the procedure they want to follow regardless of whether it's most effective for an individual patient or not. I suppose because going outside the system requires that they use their own judgment, opening themselves up to making a mistake they're responsible for, plus requiring a (relatively) time-consuming exchange of information.
-
Not sure what it is, but I have always had clearly visible, puffy veins. I don't lift weights either, except my own a few years ago (pull-ups, sit-ups and push-ups), before I went to pot and got fat.
I did some lifting (thirty something years ago) when I was in school, but the weights were very light ones, intended more to develop speed while boxing rather than bulk muscle. We also played catch in a circle with bowling balls. That's about as close as I've gotten to weight training. The only "work-out" I do these days is punch and kick the bag when I am either stressed or losing my tactile sense. It helps both of those troubles immensely.
A couple of years ago, my veins were not so visible because I was much fatter, but I could still pop them out. I have lost forty five pounds in the past year and a half.
YaY!
-
I am hoping Callaway will like this one:
(http://www.nearingzero.net/screen_res/nz037.jpg)
A limerick:
if(computer.fail==true){
background.setColor(blue);
user.frown();
sys.shutdown();
user.scream("OH, FUCK YOU");}
-
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/funny-pictures-peep-show-easter-candy.jpg)
-
I am hoping Callaway will like this one:
(http://www.nearingzero.net/screen_res/nz037.jpg)
:lol: :plus:
-
I am hoping Callaway will like this one:
(http://www.nearingzero.net/screen_res/nz037.jpg)
A limerick:
if(computer.fail==true){
background.setColor(blue);
user.frown();
sys.shutdown();
user.scream("OH, FUCK YOU");}
LMFAO! I wish I could plus you twice.
-
I am hoping Callaway will like this one:
(http://www.nearingzero.net/screen_res/nz037.jpg)
A limerick:
if(computer.fail==true){
background.setColor(blue);
user.frown();
sys.shutdown();
user.scream("OH, FUCK YOU");}
:plus:
:D
-
I am hoping Callaway will like this one:
(http://www.nearingzero.net/screen_res/nz037.jpg)
A limerick:
if(computer.fail==true){
background.setColor(blue);
user.frown();
sys.shutdown();
user.scream("OH, FUCK YOU");}
:LMAO:
:plus:
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/funny-pictures-peep-show-easter-candy.jpg)
:lol:
:plus:
-
(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1172.png)
-
:LMAO:
-
:LMAO:
:D Maybe funny as well is that I anticipated the punchline by the sudden use of present tense rather than the reference to the broadsword, which actually does "exist." (http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=468)
-
:laugh:
-
You know that comic entirely too well.
-
You know that comic entirely too well.
Lol- I didn't remember the broadsword but I figured there actually was one because it would be very much in keeping with the comic's style, so I googled it. Sure enough, there it was.... :laugh:
-
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... "- Louis Hector Berlioz
-
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... "- Louis Hector Berlioz
Same could be said of life itself ;)
-
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... "- Louis Hector Berlioz
Same could be said of life itself ;)
The trick is to learn a little from ALL the life around you. That way you don't have to make ALL the mistakes by yourself.
:^)
-
Photobombing: The Fine Art of Ruining Other People's Photos
(http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg74/jubed/photobombing/34.jpg)
(http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg74/jubed/photobombing/2.jpg)
(http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg74/jubed/photobombing/n667372455_759646_363.jpg)
(http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg74/jubed/photobombing/n667372455_735511_1504.jpg)
(http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg74/jubed/photobombing/988.jpg)
(http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg74/jubed/photobombing/534.jpg)
(http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg74/jubed/photobombing/74.jpg)
MORE (http://www.jubed.com/jokes/view/Photobombing)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcMEZtaHdFM
-
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/fb125.jpg)
-
(http://nfccomic.com/comics/205.jpg)
(http://www.answers-on-demand.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/FUNNYPICTURES/farside--four-basic-personality-types_sm.jpg)
-
Here's a couple of phone messages left on a woman's cellphone after she gave a guy her number. There's no video, just audio.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwjXxEKRmu0
-
:LMAO: OMG! They ought to immortalize that in a textbook somewhere! Eat your heart out, Cal.
-
Are you sure that it wasn't him? It sounded like him.
:lol:
-
Nah, Cal's schtick is fucked-up-edness, not un-fucked-up-edness.
-
Took me a while to get this:
René Descartes walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks "Do you want a beer?"
René replies "I think not!" and disappears.
-
(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/58/189025439_aad30bbedf.jpg?v=0)
:laugh:
-
Here's a couple of phone messages left on a woman's cellphone after she gave a guy her number. There's no video, just audio.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwjXxEKRmu0
This is one youtube addition I was glad I had the patience to listen to!
Noticed this in the comments...LOL
Poor Olga, she actually called at 3:01 missing the 3:00 deadline...she missed out on an amazing, very very unique individual.
-
LOL @ photobombing
(http://imagechan.com/img/images/bath%20time.jpeg)
-
LOL @ photobombing
I only see his hand and face. Why the fuck isn't he having a wank?
I would be, two handed!
-
Proof I have at least one brain cell left I call him Fred
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/001-17.jpg)
-
So fricking true.
(http://www.weregeek.com/comics/2008-07-07.jpg)
-
An elderly man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?'
The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!'
'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?' 'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.
The moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?' 'No problem,' replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right...But I'll stick with my moped!'
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly...WHOOOOSSSHHH!
Something whips by him going much faster!
'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?' the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped!
Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the moped bearing down on him again ! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably, the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'
The old man whispers, 'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror.'
-
:lol:
-
An elderly man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?'
The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!'
'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?' 'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.
The moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?' 'No problem,' replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right...But I'll stick with my moped!'
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly...WHOOOOSSSHHH!
Something whips by him going much faster!
'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?' the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped!
Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the moped bearing down on him again ! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably, the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'
The old man whispers, 'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror.'
*cringe* Jesus! :plus:
-
Parody of "My Name is."
http://youtube.com/watch?v=kQSRaEVdnu4&feature=rec-fresh
-
Japanese weirdness alert.
-
The ketchup misunderstanding. (http://www.redtube.com/6148)
-
The ketchup misunderstanding. (http://www.redtube.com/6148)
Sorry, I don't speak German.
:laugh:
-
Dunno if this is funny if you don't follow the comic but I lolled:
(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1184.png)
-
(http://www.snorgtees.com/images/PirateEncyclopedia_Fullpic_1.gif)
Sewer horse is watching you....
(http://www.heyokay.com/wp-content/images/Sewer%20Horse.jpg)
-
Sewer horse is watching you....
(http://www.heyokay.com/wp-content/images/Sewer%20Horse.jpg)
:plus: :lol:
-
What I want to know...is how the horse got down there.
-
LOL.
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=SDyAfi0tur8
-
(http://www.demopolislive.com/gallery/images/1/large/1_the_right_to_bear_arms.jpg)
-
:green:
-
I'm not completely sold on that parts... :P
-
I am. That's pretty damn cool.
-
There's too many issues with lighting and shadow. In the Lamp picture and even in the full picture the "legs" always looked a little off, which made the Lamp more believable...
But then it could just be my brain refusing to accept.
-
Maybe you're right. The butt is kind of flat.
-
In this Image I've pointed out some of the shadow issues I was referring to
(http://galileoace.com/Random/lamp.png)
Have a look at the two top most green ones, and see the drop shadow cast by her body and arm? But this no corresponding shadow cast by her leg. In fact as shown by the blue ones (on the lamp image) the shadows on her legs appear to be cast by the 'lamp' itself.
The blue ones on the woman show anomalous drop shadows on the red box, one of which obscure the tattoo from being clearly seen.
And Pyraxis is correct the buttocks do appear strangely flat, having little or no definition to them, and no cast shadows as would be expected. The only shadow from the buttocks may be seen as indicated by the lower most blue one.
Wow, that was the image I've (publicly) pulled apart on photoshop before :)
-
I think they must have 'shopped the lamp between her legs. You're right there should be a drop shadow in one of those circled blue areas to match the ones by the arms. And that black circle in her pelvis just doesn't make sense in the context of a girl leaning against a light table (or whatever that thing is).
Ugh. I do this crap all day at work, I can't believe I gave it the benefit of the doubt to begin with.
-
Yeah...the more I think about it and the more I study the image, like how you can see that her back is arched through the muscles occluding the spine, but you can't see how far the thong goes into her arse cheeks... I think I'm going to call it on this one.
Fake. Sorry parts :(
I think they must have 'shopped the lamp between her legs. You're right there should be a drop shadow in one of those circled blue areas to match the ones by the arms. And that black circle in her pelvis just doesn't make sense in the context of a girl leaning against a light table (or whatever that thing is).
Ugh. I do this crap all day at work, I can't believe I gave it the benefit of the doubt to begin with.
I actually studied the original lamp image when I first came by it, so when I saw this image my brain didn't automatically assume occam's razor as it's want to do, but instead rejected the woman theory.
-
(http://myboo.ru/boo/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/9xpo2z6jn5t5n8fyz8p6x1bf_500.jpg)
Caption Contest!
-
"Ahom nom nom nom nom!"
-
(http://icantdrawfeet.com/comics/2008-06-26-LHC.PNG)
-
:plus:
-
(http://www.nerdcore.de/wp/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/youtube.png)
-
Got me :lol: :plus:
-
Fake. Sorry parts :(
DUHHHHH!!!!!!
The image is meant to be fun, you just killed it, and some innocent bunnies as well.
You monster
-
(http://myboo.ru/boo/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/9xpo2z6jn5t5n8fyz8p6x1bf_500.jpg)
Caption Contest!
Catula, the day walker.
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Fake. Sorry parts :(
DUHHHHH!!!!!!
The image is meant to be fun, you just killed it, and some innocent bunnies as well.
You monster
I make no apologies for being autistic :P ;)
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An elderly man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?'
The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!'
'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?' 'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.
The moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?' 'No problem,' replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right...But I'll stick with my moped!'
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly...WHOOOOSSSHHH!
Something whips by him going much faster!
'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?' the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped!
Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the moped bearing down on him again ! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably, the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'
The old man whispers, 'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror.'
:lmao:
An oldie, my dad told me this one. Thanks for rekindling my memories.
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Fake. Sorry parts :(
DUHHHHH!!!!!!
The image is meant to be fun, you just killed it, and some innocent bunnies as well.
You monster
I make no apologies for being autistic :P ;)
You're welcome.
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ninja_turtles.png)
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http://www.xkcd.com/236/ linked insterad of shwon as an image because it's the mouseover that made me lol.
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_difference.png)
Social scientist: What if it struck someone ELSE?
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:lol:
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/organic_fuel.png)
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Social scientist: What if it struck someone ELSE?
:lol:
Those were all funny, thanks!
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/insomnia.png)
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Ironically enough, on the tails of that...
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/indecision.png)
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http://www.xkcd.com/341/ Read the whole five-comic storyline. It's great. Or else I'm becoming more and more easily impressed as it gets to be later and later.
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(http://www.bouldertherapist.com/html/humor/jasonlove/jasonlove2/snap01272.gif)
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/insomnia.png)
This seems to be something that happens to me more often than not. It really sucks having to wake up at 6am and still not being asleep at 5am when I went to bed at midnight. Gives me way too much time to think about really horrible things.
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/couple.png)
This is just about my favorite XKCD ever.
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.
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.
It's a Catholic approved condom :o
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.
It's a Catholic approved condom :o
:laugh:
Chances are, it would happen anyway?
As many of you know, I had ambitions of finding a simple, uncomplicated part time job after retiring from my “day job”. Unfortunately, as I have gotten a little older, I have become a little less sensitive. So after landing my new job as a Wal-Martgreeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day……
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, ‘Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?’ The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, ‘Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?’ So I replied, ‘I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am, I just couldn’t believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.’
My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work…….
The Young Professor
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do *anything* to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully
into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...*anything*."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"*Anything*."
His voice softens. "*Anything*??"
"*Anything*."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...*study*?"
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Good ones, Peter! :laugh:
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The Young Professor
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do *anything* to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully
into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...*anything*."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"*Anything*."
His voice softens. "*Anything*??"
"*Anything*."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...*study*?"
OK, I'm totally retelling that the next time I think to- hopefully sometime today.
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:lol: renaeden.
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But...would you?
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But...would you?
oh yes...
...god yes...
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New at The Home Despot
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bug.png)
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Conformation bias!
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/how_it_works.png)
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Redneck humor.
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/couple.png)
This is just about my favorite XKCD ever.
:lol:
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The ketchup misunderstanding. (http://www.redtube.com/6148)
Sorry, I don't speak German.
:laugh:
You're fluent in sycophantic bullshit though.
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.
:LMAO:
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/delivery.png)
Actually, it means that in twenty years, when I'm a cougar, I'll prolly have the bad luck to end up in his pants.
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/delivery.png)
Actually, it means that in twenty years, when I'm a cougar, I'll prolly have the bad luck to end up in his pants.
Who knows, he may be the young stud that will have you quivering with antici..........................................Pation! :eyebrows:
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NEVER TICK OFF A NURSE
Abig shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He
wasa royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he
did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do
with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into
his room and announced, 'I have to take your temperature.' After
complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his
arms and opened his mouth.
'No,I'm sorry,' the nurse stated, 'but for this reading, I can't use
an oral thermometer.' This started another round of complaining but
eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce,
'I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!'
*She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his
breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing.
After a half hour, the man's doctor came into the room.
'What's going on here?' asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answered, 'What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever
seen someone having their temperature taken?'
After a pause, the doctor confessed....
'Not with a carnation.'*
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, do I have a story to add to this!!!!! But, I must think about it first before I post it! :evillaugh:
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^ :D I saw something similar on House.
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/know_your_vines.png)
oh dear sweet jesus
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:LMAO:
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:plus: for Ozy
:plus: for Her Majesty
:LMAO:
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(http://galileoace.com/Comic/comics/SlowMotion.png)
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(http://www.threepanelsoul.com/comics/078.png)
It was the second panel that cracked me up.
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Out of context quote from my mum today:
"When I'm dead, get that woman; she's cheap and easy."
(She was talking about the reasonably priced and well mannered painter she'd had in to do the hall earlier that day.)
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(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1189.png)
This is going to be my new icon.
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:lol:
New signature is good! :)
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Unsolicited artwork to save PMS Elle's avatar:
(http://www.studiopyraxis.com/temp/letsfuck.png)
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Unsolicited artwork to save PMS Elle's avatar:
(http://www.studiopyraxis.com/temp/letsfuck.png)
Thanks. Does it look better now?
I tried to fix the text for awhile yesterday but gave up- seemed like a lost cause.
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Limericks:
There once was a buggy AI
Who decided her subject should die.
When the plot was uncovered,
The subjected discovered
That sadly the cake was a lie.
A dying mosquito exclaimed,
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
The cause of his sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
Diphenyl-trichloroethane.
There once was a girl named Lenore
And a bird and a bust and a door
And a guy with depression
And a whole lot of questions
And the bird always says "Nevermore."
There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.
There once was a man from deep space
And all you could see was his face
It seemed that his gig
Was to make you move zig
Or else he would take all your base
There once was a man named Eugene
who invented a screwing machine.
Concave and convex,
it served either sex,
and played with itself in between.
Miss Farad was pretty and sensual
And charged to a reckless potential;
But a rascal named Ohm
Conducted her home -
Her decline was, alas, exponential.
The army had intricate plans,
but found victory snatched from their hands.
"You've run out of time,"
said their foe, "because I'm
in ur base, and I'm killing ur mans."
A mathematician called Klein
Thought the Moebius strip quite divine.
Said he "when you glue
The edges of two,
You'll get a weird bottle like mine."
Let's examine the memes of the day
I can haz Cheeseburger's okay
2 Girls gagging shit
sure beats Leeroy's lame bit
ORLY YA RLY NO WAI
There once was a small juicy orange,
...fuck.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjAAmUoE87s
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Some questions and my answers to them:
"Did you join this site just so you could find people to have sex with?
· Yes
· No"
No, I also joined for the bits before and after sex with the people I find here.
"Are you an intellectual? In the context of this question, intellectual means someone who loves learning, often for its own sake.
· Yes
· No
· I'm Not Sure
· I find learning boring"
You mean, do I have OCD, an internet connection and too much time on my hands? Then yes, I'm an intellectual.
"How willing would you be to try out new things sexually with a partner?
· Completely willing.
· Somewhat willing.
· Not at all willing."
If I wasn't, I'd still be a virgin, wouldn't I?
"Would you need to sleep with someone before you considered marrying them?
· Yes
· No"
No, I'd need a mild stroke before I'd consider getting married.
"Rate your self-confidence:
· Very, very high
· Higher than average
· Average
· Below average"
I'm very confident about how crap I am.
"Would you ever change your religion (or adopt one) because your significant other wanted you to?
· Yes
· No
· I'm Not Sure"
Would you ever believe in Santa Claus because someone wanted you to?
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"Would you ever change your religion (or adopt one) because your significant other wanted you to?
· Yes
· No
· I'm Not Sure"
Would you ever believe in Santa Claus because someone wanted you to?
Ho ho ho.
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.
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:D
What a cheerful place to play!
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thanks to Peter, I have discovered the joy of failblog.
And omfg, these are cute/great:
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/mouse-fail.jpg)
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/toner-fail.jpg?w=500)
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/saladfail.jpg?w=500)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/saladfail.jpg?w=500)
ROFLPMSL
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.
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/leftgroup.jpg?w=500&h=141)
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/fail-blue-screen.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/saladfail.jpg?w=500)
ROFLPMSL
Hilarious. The label says the product is fresh and washed.
:LMAO:
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/saladfail.jpg?w=500)
ROFLPMSL
Hilarious. The label says the product is fresh and washed.
:LMAO:
Nothing worse than eating an old dirty frog.
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(http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d125/alimck/RickAstley.jpg)
(http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d125/alimck/Milkshake.jpg)
(http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d125/alimck/MeatLoaf.jpg)
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(http://pontiphex.com/images/jesus%20anus.jpg)
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(http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/896/3536/320/card109.jpg)
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How true...
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http://www.funny-games.biz/robo-love.html
robo love!
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(http://www.grouchyoldcripple.com/archives/the%20hand%20that%20rocks%20the%20cradle.jpg)
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We can not make this so true. :lol:
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(http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e212/Sohma_kei/omg_wtf.jpg)
(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f239/patricio-intp/Funny/livesordedz.jpg)
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(http://www.cynsa.com/pics/stalkerform.gif)
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Haha "as fast as s/he can type, one-handed" :D :plus: GA
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I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal at Big W and standing inline at the check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pal Diet again although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Pal nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid b*tch...why else would I buy dog food??
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(http://dl.ziza.ru/other/072008/15/pics/073_pics.jpg)
(http://dl.ziza.ru/other/072008/15/pics/045_pics.jpg)
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I[m not sure I get the joke in the top one.
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I don't get either of them...But I thought they'd go well here :P
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I think the first one is supposed to be funny because the guy would rather make out with his calculator than the topless girl. No clue about the second one.
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The W,A,S & D keys are used in FPS games are forward, strafe left, back, strafe right. Where as the arrow keys, as she is using, are forward, turn left, backward, turn right.
Not really that funny...But holy crap! Look at that screen!
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I think the first one is supposed to be funny because the guy would rather make out with his calculator than the topless girl. No clue about the second one.
I am more primitive. i thought he had a remote
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The adventures of Johnny McNoob:
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I think the first one is supposed to be funny because the guy would rather make out with his calculator than the topless girl. No clue about the second one.
She's very cute! ..look at that belly, aching to be kissed!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3k5oY9AHHM
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:plus: :lol:
That was fucking awesome GA!
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You gotta love Wingdings.
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Mailbox! Open Mailbox!
-
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(http://www.vgcats.com/comics/images/050706.jpg)
-
This made me giggle a little...
(http://i223.photobucket.com/albums/dd169/roninceta/Misc/pokemon-politics.gif)
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:evillaugh:
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A bit cutesy, but I laughed.
(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1203.png)
-
:lol:
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How to build your own atomic bomb
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Construction Method
First, obtain about 50 pounds (110 kg) of weapons grade Plutonium at your local supplier (see Note). A nuclear power plant is not recommended, as large quantities of missing Plutonium tend to make plant engineers unhappy. We suggest that you contact your local terrorist organization, or perhaps the Junior Achievement League in your neighborhood.
Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined Plutonium, is somewhat dangerous. Wash your hands with soap and warm water after handling the material, and don't allow your children or pets to play in it or eat it. Any left over Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant. You may wish to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one in your local junk yard, but an old coffee can will do nicely.
Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device. Most common varieties of sheet metal can be bent to disguise this enclosure as, for example, a briefcase, a lunch pail, or a '57 Buick. Do not use tinfoil.
Arrange the Plutonium into two hemispheral shapes, separated by about 4 cm. Use rubber cement to hold the Plutonium dust together.
Now get about 100 pounds (220 kg) of trinitrotoluene (TNT). Gelignite is much better, but messier to work with. Your helpful hardware man will be happy to provide you with this item.
Pack the TNT around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in step 4. If you cannot find Gelignite, feel free to use TNT packed in with Playdo or any modeling clay. Colored clay is acceptable, but there is no need to get fancy at this point.
Enclose the structure from step 6 into the enclosure made in step 3. Use a strong glue such as "Crazy Glue" to bind the hemisphere arrangement against the enclosure to prevent accidental detonation which might result from vibration or mishandling.
To detonate the device, obtain a radio controlled (RC) servo mechanism, as found in RC model airplanes and cars. With a modicum of effort, a remote plunger can be made that will strike a detonator cap to effect a small explosion. These detonatior caps can be found in the electrical supply section of your local supermarket. We recommend the "Blast-O-Mactic" brand because they are no deposit - no return.
Now hide the completed device from the neighbors and children. The garage is not recommended because of high humidity and the extreme range of temperatures experienced there. Nuclear devices have been known to spontaneously detonate in these unstable conditions. The hall closet or under the kitchen sink will be perfectly suitable.
Now you are the proud owner of a working thermonuclear device! It is a great ice-breaker at parties, and in a pinch can be used for national defense.
Theory of Operation
The device basically works when the detonated TNT compresses the Plutonium into a critical mass. The critical mass then produces a nuclear chain reaction similar to the domino chain reaction. The chain reaction then promptly produces a larger thermonuclear reaction, and there you have it: a 10 megaton explosion!
Notes
Plutonium (PU), atomic number 94, is a radioactive metallic element formed by the decay of Neptunium and is similar in chemical structure to Uranium, Saturium, Jupiternium, and Marisum.
How to Make an Atomic Bomb - In easy steps
By: Lucian Dorneanu, Science Editor
Have I helped anybody.
-
Wait here a diagram.
-
Congratulations you won a free trip to Cuba Kev! Report to Department of Homeland Security to claim your prize now! Your trip will also be telecast live to all of the nation!
-
Congratulations you won a free trip to Cuba Kev! Report to Department of Homeland Security to claim your prize now! Your trip will also be telecast live to all of the nation!
You think.
-
...
-
I don't get it...
-
I don't get it...
Instead of wearing a turban, he's using a knotted hankerchief as a hat, which is somewhat an English seaside tradition.
-
Went straight over my head.
-
So it’s 10:15, she’s been in bed for an hour and a half. I go in to check on her, and…
(shuffling pages)
“Emma, you’re supposed to be asleep!”
“I’m reading about Curious George making pancakes, she informs me. “And taking a nap!”
I gently correct her. “Emma, you’re not asleep, your eyes have to be closed to be asleep. To bed!”
I go to leave, and she asks “Dad? Can I keep one eye open?”
-
My explanation of the Catholic Holy Trinity, in the form of a technology-related metaphor:
God the Father is like Mircosoft
Jesus is Windows XP
The Holy Spirit is the internet itself
and Windows Vista is the Antichrist.
-
If you leave a dildo inside of a pocket pussy, will they eventually make egg vibrators?
-
:o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvIj_z8qpWc
-
(http://pontiphex.com/images/jesus%20anus.jpg)
:plus:
Makes me feel like going to the RSPCA and getting a cat and respectfully worshipping its arsehole.
-
I think it's a dog :P
-
Check out your neighbourhood on Google street view very carefully:
(http://images.theage.com.au/ftage/ffximage/2008/08/11/passedout_wideweb__470x289,0.jpg)
http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2008/08/11/1218306724273.html (http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2008/08/11/1218306724273.html)
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Re: Strange things found on (or in) a pt.
Originally Posted by LilgirlRN View Post
I had a patient come to the ER after putting a spermicidal suppository in her urinary meatus instead of her vagina. She was young and thought sex was supposed to hurt. I had to catheterize her and the urine had a waxy film on top it. I've also had a very obese woman come in with a remote to the TV under one of her breasts and a half eaten sandwich under the other.
I once read about a widowed, childless elderly woman who came into the hospital for some fairly routine problem. She had to be catheterized, and whoever did this discovered that her urethra was incredibly stretched out, while her hymen remained intact.
She was asked about her sex life when she was married, and she said, "It was really painful the first year, but after that it was fine."
Good thing that girl came into the ER because what if she had continued doing that and ended up pregnant? But I've heard about women who took their BCPs vaginally and wondered why they didn't work.
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I think it's a dog :P
So use a condom.
-
(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1200.png)
I'm not sure I've ever laughed so hard...I gave myself a momentary headache.
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I think it's a dog :P
I am not an animal person. Cat? Dog? They all taste the same.
-
I think it's a dog :P
I am not an animal person. Cat? Dog? They all taste the same.
You need to work on your palate.
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http://www.somethingawful.com/flash/shmorky/babby.swf
Where do these people come from? Do they have carers to turn on their computers for them? Is answers.com in some carers' handbook as a retard-friendly site? Is English their native language? Do they type while drunk and wearing mittens?
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(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1200.png)
I'm not sure I've ever laughed so hard...I gave myself a momentary headache.
She's got nice tits.
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Prank Call
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI&feature=related
-
japanese toilets
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdpT7e5h1lk&NR=1
-
Prank Call
That was hilarious!
:LMAO:
:plus:
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Prank Call
That was hilarious!
:LMAO:
:plus:
Yeah, I think I'll memorize it for the next telemarketer!
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(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1200.png)
I'm not sure I've ever laughed so hard...I gave myself a momentary headache.
She's got nice tits.
Sure, but a boob job would be money well invested in my opinion, since she is a fucking cartoon, but for real, I too hurt myself laughing.
One of the best yet.
:plus: GA
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(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1200.png)
I'm not sure I've ever laughed so hard...I gave myself a momentary headache.
She's got nice tits.
Sure, but a boob job would be money well invested in my opinion, since she is a fucking cartoon, but for real, I too hurt myself laughing.
One of the best yet.
:plus: GA
I got my aa wife a boob job, now were seperated. do i get visitation?
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(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1200.png)
I'm not sure I've ever laughed so hard...I gave myself a momentary headache.
She's got nice tits.
Sure, but a boob job would be money well invested in my opinion, since she is a fucking cartoon, but for real, I too hurt myself laughing.
One of the best yet.
:plus: GA
I'd like to see her cartoon nipples!
-
Do you?
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eZBevXohCI (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eZBevXohCI)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBnY28Mo6Is
-
There's a dickhead in the pool
-
(http://engrishfunny.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/cuntexam.jpg?w=500&h=375)
-
Fetal Heart Custody!
:rofl:
-
Too true to actually be funny ...
Becoming Illegal (Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)
The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510
Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill ' s provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I ' m excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as ' in-state ' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver ' s license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA
-
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window..
The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What happened, what's the hold Up?'
'Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. They are aski ng for a $10 Million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and Set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection.'
The driver asks, 'On average, how much is everyone giving?'
'About a gallon.
-
News themes parody:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qk9Ny7Tme2Y
Magic roundabout parody:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARBajLHHCHs
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rba.png)
-
Spread the Stupidity
Only in America .do drugstores make the sick walk all
the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions
while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America .do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America .do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America .do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America .do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America .do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America .do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER: Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections ?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
-
News themes parody:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qk9Ny7Tme2Y
Magic roundabout parody:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARBajLHHCHs
Just checked out tickets for Bill Baileys Australian tour next month; they are $80! :o :(
Hopefully they will have student rush.
-
(http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comics/20030121.jpg)
Second one's my favorite of course.
-
(http://galileoace.com/Comic/comics/2008-08-24.png)
Inspired by something renaeden said :)
-
Nude women wrestling (got it off another forum). I really was surprised at the site.
http://www.ultimatesurrender.com/site/shoots.jsp?c=2
-
Nude women wrestling (got it off another forum). I really was surprised at the site.
http://www.ultimatesurrender.com/site/shoots.jsp?c=2
You haven't been around the internet long, have you!!?? ;)
-
>:D
-
http://notalwaysright.com/
-
Childhood Dream, Meet Retail Nightmare
Fabric Store | Los Angeles, CA
(We often get fashion design students in our store to get samples of fabric for school projects.)
Student: “Can I get some swatches? I go to the *** fashion school and need them for a class project.”
Me: “No problem. That’s the school I went to.”
Student: “Oh, cool! What do you do now?”
Me: “… I work here.”
Student: *their dreams crush before my eyes*
Like A Dog Chasing Its Own Tail
Shoe Store | Ottawa, ON, Canada
Customer: “Do you have this shoe in a size 6? My son needs a size six.”
Me: “Ahh… no, I’m sorry. It seems we’re all out of that size.”
Customer: “But, there’s a size six right there.”
(She points to a shoe that is a completely different style.)
Me: “Yes, but that’s a different style shoe. We stock them alphabetically on the riser, but on the shelves we show them by price.”
Customer: “Just give me that six, then!”
Me: “Sure thing.” *hands her the box*
Customer: “This isn’t the shoe I wanted.”
Me: “I know. Even though I just told you that we are out of size six in the style you wanted, you still asked to see this one.”
Customer: “I don’t want this one. Put it back.”
Me: “Okay…”
Customer: “What about this style shoe?”
Me: “Unfortunately, there aren’t any size sixes left in that style either.”
Customer: “But there’s a six RIGHT THERE.”
(Note that she is pointing to the box I JUST put back.)
Me: “That is a different shoe style, and you already looked at that EXACT box.”
Customer: “JUST GET ME THAT SIX!”
Me: “Okay.” *hands her the box*
Customer: “This isn’t the style that I wanted!”
Me: “…”
-
Nude women wrestling (got it off another forum). I really was surprised at the site.
http://www.ultimatesurrender.com/site/shoots.jsp?c=2
You haven't been around the internet long, have you!!?? ;)
I have been using the internet since 1995 or so. I was surprised that people would pay to watch ugly women wrestle naked, and how organized this thing is.
-
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. He says, “Ms. Whack, I’d like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation.”
Patricia looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger and that it’s OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patricia explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, “Sure. I have this.” He produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. It’s bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she’ll have to consult with the manager; and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and reports: “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you, and he wants to borrow $30,000 to buy a boat. And he wants to use this as collateral.”
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what the heck is this?”
The manager looks back at her and says, “It’s a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone!”
-
Nude women wrestling (got it off another forum). I really was surprised at the site.
http://www.ultimatesurrender.com/site/shoots.jsp?c=2
You haven't been around the internet long, have you!!?? ;)
I have been using the internet since 1995 or so. I was surprised that people would pay to watch ugly women wrestle naked, and how organized this thing is.
After the time and much exploring and other people bringing up surprises like that, I must admit, very little surprises me about the internet anymore. :zoinks:
-
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaring public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jkBOU9etRA&feature=user
:laugh:
-
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=iphone
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/improvised.png)
Come to think of it there's got to be massive amounts of yaoi out there to the effect of panel #4. I just don't want to look for it (because I don't want to see it).
-
:laugh:
-
Silly bitch must have bought them off e-bay. Anyone knows that half the stuff there is fake....
-
Basket ball anyone?
-
Basket ball anyone?
Oy, those are medicine balls, though if she was on top and fell on top of you, it would be the ultimate asphyxia fantasy fulfilled! :eyebrows:
-
And you can see the little 'Made In Taiwan' label on the bottom.
-
(http://imagechan.com/images/trouble.jpg)
(http://imagechan.com/images/godzilla.png)
(http://imagechan.com/images/sex%20ed.png)
(http://imagechan.com/images/polaroid.gif)
(http://imagechan.com/images/clouds.jpg)
(http://imagechan.com/images/ignorance.jpeg)
(http://imagechan.com/images/razr.jpeg)
(http://imagechan.com/images/post.png)
(http://imagechan.com/images/ds.jpeg)
(http://imagechan.com/images/smiley.jpeg)
(http://imagechan.com/images/stalker.jpg)
-
Quite possibly the best QC in awhile:
(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1220.png)
-
The last frame is begging to be made into an avatar :P
-
The last frame is begging to be made into an avatar :P
I concur. :D
Edit: What FONT is the text in that comic in? The text doesn't do well with shrinking.
-
Oral sex is always the answer.
-
Oral sex is always the answer.
I disagree. Oral sex is not the answer to either of the following questions:
1. "What are your pet peeves, Serissa?"
2. "How do I relieve the stress of finding out my partner has an active herpes infection?"
-
The last frame is begging to be made into an avatar :P
I concur. :D
Edit: What FONT is the text in that comic in? The text doesn't do well with shrinking.
I shall make one!...
Meanwhile....:
(http://abstrusegoose.com/strips/alpha_male.PNG)
-
(http://galileoace.com/Avatars/OralCookies.png)
-
and then?
-
No and then!
-
Aaaaaaand then? :evillaugh:
-
NO AND THEN!!
-
NOW AND THEN!!
Get it right!
-
'Get a brains morans!'
-
(http://incredimazing.com/static/media/2008/06/03/82da865190f5100/8b9a129843e36d73d01f4b7f2023c34b.jpg)
-
(http://galileoace.com/Avatars/OralCookies.png)
AND avatar???
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PF1eBZDO5uo
Interpretation of Carcass - Incarnate Solvent Abuse
-
:laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0r38JNjFh0c
-
(http://208.116.9.205/10/content/13469/1.jpg)
-
(http://208.116.9.205/10/content/13272/1.jpg)
-
Isn't that the same couple from before!?
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MM3KkF5urY
-
Isn't that the same couple from before!?
I think it is.
-
Universal truths
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
-
:LMAO: :plus:
-
Has this been posted yet?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmDTSQtK20c
-
This one bugs the shit out of me.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
-
I have nothing to contribute. :D
-
Has this been posted yet?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmDTSQtK20c
That was rather a poor effort...They've done better.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-6iP3T0P28
I actually am friends with this girl...it's funny if you know her! Keep in mind, "she's not resisting" (yeah right!)
-
Drunk chicks along with drunk dudes at a glorified kids game. Quite pathetic actually! ::) And I am a Boston fan and such fights or drunken rumbles over a KIDS game, make me wonder about the human race. :laugh:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNitMTtQt2Y
"oh my fucking god."
-
Saw a good lightning show when I was last at my holiday house. Fucking good stuff. Had he got in his car, he would have been pretty safe, as the metal frame conduct the strike into the tyres then the ground. But knowing him, he would have parked his car under a tree.....
-
Reminded me of this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_X_7YRVGvtA
-
Awesome slow motion!
-
NO TRY
20 metre restart
-
Wuh?
-
Rugby League call by slow motion ref.
-
Oh...
What?
-
I was watching Cops just now and heard this:
"She come around here, askin if I'm sellin... I told her 'No, get outta here.' then she comes back asking again, I told her don't be disrespectin me... 'I aint no crack dealer... I'm a prostitute.'"
-
We don't get much lighting here, and when we do, it's shitty, pathetic stuff.
-
Funniest thing I've seen all week:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5-TpSm1HDE
Skanking for Jesus!
-
I just messaged a girl on OKcupid and sent her a link to this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDgS6qLsVM4
-
I just messaged a girl on OKcupid and sent her a link to this video:
Let us know if you get a response.
-
I just messaged a girl on OKcupid and sent her a link to this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDgS6qLsVM4
I love you.
-
Love you too. ;) :-*
Can we fuck yet?
-
Still haven't heard from the girl on OKCupid.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY8jaGs7xJ0
-
So move onto the next one. STOP thinking with your crotch and think with your real needs! ::)
-
But Mr Happy wants the sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
So move onto the next one. STOP thinking with your crotch and think with your real needs! ::)
I only think with my crotch when my real needs are all tended to. Maslow's hierarchy of needs and all.
-
So move onto the next one. STOP thinking with your crotch and think with your real needs! ::)
I only think with my crotch when my real needs are all tended to. Maslow's hierarchy of needs and all.
You are truly a unique and strange, yet wonderful woman....I think I love you! :P :orly:
-
This is what happens when you don't hit puberty until you're 21.
-
So move onto the next one. STOP thinking with your crotch and think with your real needs! ::)
I read that as "and think with your read heals"
don't ask why...
-
So move onto the next one. STOP thinking with your crotch and think with your real needs! ::)
I was actually referring to the one that I sent the Silence of the Lambs song to...
I haven't heard from the other one either though.
-
I was actually referring to the one that I sent the Silence of the Lambs song to...
I haven't heard from the other one either though.
So what's your guess as to what point are our fellow Intensitians will hold a joint dating-site-addiction intervention for us?
I'm just glad to see I'm not the only one driven insane by the awesome power to shop for people.
-
I was actually referring to the one that I sent the Silence of the Lambs song to...
I haven't heard from the other one either though.
So what's your guess as to what point are our fellow Intensitians will hold a joint dating-site-addiction intervention for us?
I'm just glad to see I'm not the only one driven insane by the awesome power to shop for people.
I don't know. However, I feel that a few people are getting bothered by it already.
Maybe we should start a thread for internet dating... advice, revisions to profile entries, laughing at the crazy people.
-
I was actually referring to the one that I sent the Silence of the Lambs song to...
I haven't heard from the other one either though.
So what's your guess as to what point are our fellow Intensitians will hold a joint dating-site-addiction intervention for us?
I'm just glad to see I'm not the only one driven insane by the awesome power to shop for people.
I don't know. However, I feel that a few people are getting bothered by it already.
Maybe we should start a thread for internet dating... advice, revisions to profile entries, laughing at the crazy people.
I've made a few posts in the past, ridiculing people who's profiles include such information as 'A LIKE TAE GET DRUNK AN AV A LAF WIT MA PALS LOL'. There's a depressing number of such people in Glasgow.
-
This is what happens when you don't hit puberty until you're 21.
Maybe the drugs company should market the meds you were on to young Christians and Muslims who want to remain pure of mind and body until marriage.
-
I was actually referring to the one that I sent the Silence of the Lambs song to...
I haven't heard from the other one either though.
So what's your guess as to what point are our fellow Intensitians will hold a joint dating-site-addiction intervention for us?
I'm just glad to see I'm not the only one driven insane by the awesome power to shop for people.
I don't know. However, I feel that a few people are getting bothered by it already.
Maybe we should start a thread for internet dating... advice, revisions to profile entries, laughing at the crazy people.
In order to reduce irritatingness. (http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php/topic,9979.0.html)
-
I swear, all I was doing is eating a PB&J... firefox used to be pretty awesome. I think it's going downhill.
-
I swear, all I was doing is eating a PB&J... firefox used to be pretty awesome. I think it's going downhill.
I got the same screen a couple of times and used the reporting link.
Mozilla emailed me the next day with a link to a patch, which fixed it. I would consider that personal service to be pretty awesome, still.
-
Here's my LOL, from another forum ...
:D
-
Randy picking his nose
-
Is this the make someone laugh thread or the made someone cry thread?
-
No, I think it's called "goading". Family drama played out on a public stage!
-
Is this the make someone laugh thread or the made someone cry thread?
Hey, I posted my "friends page" for a laugh. (it's from an audio site)
Honestly, I only seem to have contact with people who would NOT go around adding someone to their "friends page." Not that it is my goal, but those with full pages are extremely boring and fake, in my view.
-
(http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/2008/9/66-awesome-cat-poster.jpg)
-
Fun with helium and sulfer hexachloride.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52UAEQfMTtU
-
Mistakenly tried to post this in shoutbox. Apologies. here it is in all its YouTube and Christian glory:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5-TpSm1HDE
-
Once I tried to run,
I tried to run and hide.
But Jesus came and found me,
and He touched me deep inside.
He is like a mountie,
He always gets his man.
And He’ll zap yo..
fuck
-
And now the companion piece, courtesy of the Jazz Butcher!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LclZ0GZtfA
-
Fun with helium and sulfer hexachloride.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52UAEQfMTtU
Yeah, I saw that on MythBusters and that is sooooooooooooooooooo cool! I have played with helium many a time, made many an elderly lady laugh with helium balloons! But the other stuff, sulphur hexachloride is even cooler! 8)
-
Once I tried to run,
I tried to run and hide.
But Jesus came and found me,
and He touched me deep inside.
He is like a mountie,
He always gets his man.
And He’ll zap yo..
fuck
"So Captain Marvel zapped him right between the eyes...ZAP!"
-
Fun with helium and sulfer hexachloride.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52UAEQfMTtU
Yeah, I saw that on MythBusters and that is sooooooooooooooooooo cool! I have played with helium many a time, made many an elderly lady laugh with helium balloons! But the other stuff, sulphur hexachloride is even cooler! 8)
:LMAO: :headbang2:
-
Once I tried to run,
I tried to run and hide.
But Jesus came and found me,
and He touched me deep inside.
He is like a mountie,
He always gets his man.
And He’ll zap yo..
fuck
"So Captain Marvel zapped him right between the eyes...ZAP!"
Jesus be damned, he is a fraud perpetuated by pedophile Catholic hierarchy and flim flam christian extremists. :grrr:
-
Once I tried to run,
I tried to run and hide.
But Jesus came and found me,
and He touched me deep inside.
He is like a mountie,
He always gets his man.
And He’ll zap yo..
fuck
"So Captain Marvel zapped him right between the eyes...ZAP!"
Jesus be damned, he is a fraud perpetuated by pedophile Catholic hierarchy and flim flam christian extremists. :grrr:
Not arguing that, but the song IS funny, and combined with the video-- :LMAO: and :rofl:
And as for me--
I believe in the worker's revolution
And I believe in the final solution
I believe in
I believe in
I believe in the shape of things to come
And I believe in I'm not the only one
Yes I believe in
I believe in
I believe in the immaculate conception
And I believe in the resurrection
And I believe in
I believe in
I believe in the elixir of youth
And I believe in the absolute truth
Yes I believe in
I believe in
I believe in perpetual motion
And I believe in perfect devotion
I believe in
I believe in
I believe in the things I've never had
I believe in my Mum and my Dad
And I believe in
I believe in
I believe in original sin
And I believe what I believe in
Yes I believe in
I believe in
I believe in the web of fate
And I believe in I'm going to be late
So I'll be leavin'
What I believe in
There is no love in this world anymore!!!!
There is no love in this world anymore!!!!
There is no love in this world anymore!!!!
There is no love in this world anymore!!!!
There is no love in this world anymore!!!!
There is no love in this world anymore!!!!
There is no love in this world anymore!!!!
There is no love in this world anymore!!!!
Catch the buzz, cocks?
-
The buzz is caught, but, I'll leave the cocks for those that appreciate them more than I do! :P
-
(http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/2008/9/66-awesome-cat-poster.jpg)
:laugh: :thumbup:
-
Once I tried to run,
I tried to run and hide.
But Jesus came and found me,
and He touched me deep inside.
He is like a mountie,
He always gets his man.
And He’ll zap yo..
fuck
"So Captain Marvel zapped him right between the eyes...ZAP!"
Jesus be damned, he is a fraud perpetuated by pedophile Catholic hierarchy and flim flam christian extremists. :grrr:
Oh my god the devil is inside you. Either that or he's your puppet master. I will pray for you every day. I pray for you to end your dark-sided ways and be saved.
-
Once I tried to run,
I tried to run and hide.
But Jesus came and found me,
and He touched me deep inside.
He is like a mountie,
He always gets his man.
And He’ll zap yo..
fuck
"So Captain Marvel zapped him right between the eyes...ZAP!"
Jesus be damned, he is a fraud perpetuated by pedophile Catholic hierarchy and flim flam christian extremists. :grrr:
Oh my god the devil is inside you. Either that or he's your puppet master. I will pray for you every day. I pray for you to end your dark-sided ways and be saved.
The devil made me do it! :mwhaha: Seriously, in life there are two things to worry about, either you will stay well or get sick. If you stay well, you have nothing to worry about. If you get sick, you have two things to worry about. Either you will get better or die. If you get better, you have nothing to worry about. If you die, you will only have two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or go to hell. If you go to heaven, you have nothing to worry about. If you go to hell...........................you'll be so busy shaking hands with your friends, you won't have time to worry. :orly:
Cheers
-
(http://208.116.9.205/10/content/13674/1.jpg)
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^You did that didn't you Tesla. :thumbup:
(http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h52/aeolean/borg.jpg)
-
Had an MSN conversation to two of my friends from my high school years. They're both into video games, though one isn't all that knowledgeable. GTA came up and they were trying to convince me to buy the game...and that's where our little adventure begins:
Michael
just buy the friggen game :P
GalileoAce
lol
Michael
when's your birthday? request it for a present
GalileoAce
Been and gone
Tommy
Did we mention you get to shoot pigeons?
Michael
anniversary?
GalileoAce
Don't celebrate
Michael
fine then, Christmas
GalileoAce
I'll be in QLD
Michael
so?
GalileoAce
They banned games
Michael
are you telling me they don't deliver pressies to Qld?
Tommy
WHAT?!
GalileoAce
It's QLD. There's no freight system. Duh
Michael
it really doesn't matter where you are
Tommy
Banned games?
Michael
have someone get it for you for Christmas, and give it to you at (insert appropriate time and place here)
GalileoAce
Oh yeah. QLD is a "dry" state
Tommy
What a travesty
Tommy
You've gotta be kidding me!?
Michael
have you heard of Jack Thompson, Tommy? The American politician who's big on anti-violent games?
Tommy
What a douchebag
Michael
that's a yes, then :P
GalileoAce
He got disbarred by the Florida Bar Association, and recently moved to QLD. He's now the Minister for Entertainment in the QLD State Government.
Tommy
No, I haven't heard of him actually
GalileoAce
Oh Jack Thompson is/was a lawyer.
GalileoAce
Has something against Rockstar and GTA.
Michael
GTA specifically
Tommy
So ALL games or just the violent ones?
Michael
the game "Bully" too
Michael
mainly violent games, but he's not big on any really
Tommy
How can he just come over to Australia and tell us (or rather Qld) what we can or can't buy?
Tommy
That's not fair!
GalileoAce
I know.
GalileoAce
It sucks.
GalileoAce
He's also the reason the OFLC won't add an R18+ rating.
Michael
well technically, it's not just on his say so that games are banned there
GalileoAce
All other states agree for the R18+ but QLD
Michael
you've got to take certain steps (through state Parliament) before laws are passed
Michael
he just spear-headed it
GalileoAce
:: nods :: Yeah
GalileoAce
Though the Premier agreed
Tommy
I'm in shock. I thought you were just joking about games being banned in Qld
Tommy
My cousin lives there. I might ask her about it too
Tommy
...Douchbag mooley...
Michael
ask her if they still have the word "gullible" in dictionaries published in Queensland after September 11. Another Jack Thompson rant was that the word "gullible" should be banned from dictionaries because it's offensive to Muslims
Michael
September 11 let him really let rip with that one
Tommy
What the?
GalileoAce
Why do you think I moved back to Victoria?
GalileoAce
After I moved to QLD that is
Michael
hang on, you're in WA
GalileoAce
Yeah yeah, that's afterward.
GalileoAce
I moved from Vic to QLD, then from QLD to Vic, and then from Vic to WA
Tommy
Geez
Tommy
Banned the word "Gullible"? Hang on, are you guys just making this up?
GalileoAce
What? Why would we make this shit up?
Tommy
Because that's exactly what it is!
GalileoAce
?
Michael
what's exactly what "it" is?
Michael
now I'm confused
Tommy
SH*T!!!!
GalileoAce
You don't believe us?
Tommy
Well it's very hard to believe
Michael
I'm not saying it's right
Michael
nor that it's not subject to review
GalileoAce
Ask your cousin if you don't believe us.
Tommy
Oh I will
GalileoAce
:: nods ::
Michael
anyway
Michael
I believe we were all off to sleep?
Tommy
Oh yeah.
Tommy
Well, I'm off. Bourquin, good luck with your homework. Cunningham, good luck with your defamation case.
GalileoAce
Except me...Homework :(
GalileoAce
:lol:
GalileoAce
Night Tommy
Michael
poor Bourquin
Michael
until next time!
Tommy
See ya!!!!
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Some people really have defective bullshit detectors eh.
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Yeah... lol
-
Tommy Cooper Jokes
Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married
The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was brilliant.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Man goes to the docs, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------
'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.'
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him'
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What? Because he's cross-eyed? '
'No, because he's really heavy'
--------------------------------------------------------------------
So I went to the dentist.
He said 'Say Aaah.'
I said 'Why?'
He said 'My dog's died.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said
'Who's speaking please?'
And a voice said 'You are.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------
So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he
said 'You've been promoted.'
And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again.'
And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're Managing Director.'
And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said
'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they?
The one I was in went back and forwards.
I thought 'This is unusual'.
And the dentist said to me, 'Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give
me a lift?'
I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other
'Does this taste funny to you?'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and
the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.'
So that was nice.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walked into the doctors, he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'.
The doctor said, 'well don't go to those places'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a ploughman's lunch the other day.
He wasn't very happy.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I bought some HP sauce the other day.
It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one
of them would have seen it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
A strong currant pulled him in.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to a seafood disco last week.and pulled a mussel.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.
They lit a fire in the craft. It sank, proving once and for all that
you can't have your kayak and heat it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round'.
The other one says 'So are you, you fat slob!'
-
:LMAO:
fucking genius. tommy cooper was unusual among 70s comedians in that he was actually funny. :plus:
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(http://208.116.9.205/10/content/13120/1.jpg)
-
For Lord Phlexor.
(http://208.116.9.205/10/content/13074/1.jpg)
-
Saw two cute greeting cards today.
One is a young woman saying "I lost my virginity, but I still have the box it came in."
The other is a nurse telling an old man "Your insurance won't pay for an enema, so I'll just have to slap the shit out of you."
-
Warning:
If you are an animal lover, you might not like this video but if you don't take things seriously that aren't real, then this might be for you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmxicibQt9U&feature=related
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(http://208.116.9.205/10/content/13674/1.jpg)
:thumbup: :plus:
-
GalileoAce
I'll be in QLD
Michael
so?
GalileoAce
They banned games
Michael
are you telling me they don't deliver pressies to Qld?
Tommy
WHAT?!
GalileoAce
It's QLD. There's no freight system. Duh
Michael
it really doesn't matter where you are
Tommy
Banned games?
Michael
have someone get it for you for Christmas, and give it to you at (insert appropriate time and place here)
GalileoAce
Oh yeah. QLD is a "dry" state
Tommy
What a travesty
Tommy
You've gotta be kidding me!?
Michael
have you heard of Jack Thompson, Tommy? The American politician who's big on anti-violent games?
Tommy
What a douchebag
Michael
that's a yes, then :P
GalileoAce
He got disbarred by the Florida Bar Association, and recently moved to QLD. He's now the Minister for Entertainment in the QLD State Government.
Tommy
No, I haven't heard of him actually
GalileoAce
Oh Jack Thompson is/was a lawyer.
GalileoAce
Has something against Rockstar and GTA.
Michael
GTA specifically
Tommy
So ALL games or just the violent ones?
Michael
the game "Bully" too
Michael
mainly violent games, but he's not big on any really
Tommy
How can he just come over to Australia and tell us (or rather Qld) what we can or can't buy?
Tommy
That's not fair!
GalileoAce
I know.
GalileoAce
It sucks.
GalileoAce
He's also the reason the OFLC won't add an R18+ rating.
Michael
well technically, it's not just on his say so that games are banned there
GalileoAce
All other states agree for the R18+ but QLD
Michael
you've got to take certain steps (through state Parliament) before laws are passed
Michael
he just spear-headed it
GalileoAce
:: nods :: Yeah
GalileoAce
Though the Premier agreed
Tommy
I'm in shock. I thought you were just joking about games being banned in Qld
Tommy
My cousin lives there. I might ask her about it too
Tommy
...Douchbag mooley...
Michael
ask her if they still have the word "gullible" in dictionaries published in Queensland after September 11. Another Jack Thompson rant was that the word "gullible" should be banned from dictionaries because it's offensive to Muslims
Michael
September 11 let him really let rip with that one
Tommy
What the?
GalileoAce
Why do you think I moved back to Victoria?
GalileoAce
After I moved to QLD that is
Jack Thompson is a super douche. If I'd have known he was going to the other end of the world, I would have personally removed him from the gene pool. He's the Frederic Wertham of the 21st century.
Lower than that, I cannot go.
-
For Lord Phlexor.
(http://208.116.9.205/10/content/13074/1.jpg)
Hehe, thanks. That's pretty fucking awesome. :lol:
-
For Lord Phlexor.
(http://208.116.9.205/10/content/13074/1.jpg)
Hehe, thanks. That's pretty fucking awesome. :lol:
Tesla ... A-fucking :plus:
-
For Lord Phlexor.
(http://208.116.9.205/10/content/13074/1.jpg)
Hehe, thanks. That's pretty fucking awesome. :lol:
:lol: :LMAO: :plus:
-
I just realised that those 2 Garfield comics kinda line up. :laugh:
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(http://208.116.9.205/10/content/13120/1.jpg)
I like think that like Beatle might like that one. ;D
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http://www.oddee.com/item_96461.aspx
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(http://whorechurch.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/bizzaroatheists.jpg)
-
That's kinda insulting...
-
That's kinda insulting...
Most humor is, fatty.
-
That's kinda insulting...
Most humor is, fatty.
Fatty? No, I'm GalileoAce. Hale Bopp is Fatty McBlob.
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http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/cgi-bin/seigmiaow.pl
-
here's one for the baptists (lapsed or not):
Q: How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Baptists? Change?
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucYv1zX13zU
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIBBbbGvnrA
johnny carson
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(http://photos-e.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v196/248/10/500886721/n500886721_620292_3493.jpg)
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(http://photos-e.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v336/193/117/715415252/n715415252_4161532_2824.jpg)
:zoinks:
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(http://photos-b.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v335/11/102/223300639/n223300639_4627081_8602.jpg)
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:LMAO:
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All hail Hadron! :hahaha:
I'd have posted this on DV, but I'm not logging in until I've had chance to see if the silly cow accuses me of doing it first... considering I haven't been online there today. ;)
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(http://i338.photobucket.com/albums/n437/Trigger-11/MoreCowbell.gif)
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All hail Hadron! :hahaha:
I'd have posted this on DV, but I'm not logging in until I've had chance to see if the silly cow accuses me of doing it first... considering I haven't been online there today. ;)
:LMAO:
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All hail Hadron! :hahaha:
I'd have posted this on DV, but I'm not logging in until I've had chance to see if the silly cow accuses me of doing it first... considering I haven't been online there today. ;)
i don't get it. :(
-
Me either.
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Its necessary to have met DV's spiffing new administrator to get it - Pea enlisted a new admin from outside the community who is acting like Modzilla. Suffice to say her attitude has not been appreciated. :LMAO:
-
:LMAO:
I just looked in and it's still up.
Pretty much ruins what promise the site offered, having her in the mix.
-
:LMAO:
I just looked in and it's still up.
Pretty much ruins what promise the site offered, having her in the mix.
The question is whether bird flu or Modzilla will succeed in fucking the place up first. I wish Peaguy well, but it doesn't look good. :hitler:
-
I'm glad you're enjoying the dysfunction of internet forums.
-
I'm glad you're enjoying the dysfunction of internet forums.
It's called laughing in the face of disaster instead of getting stressed out about it, you self-righteous little gonk. ::)
Anyway, it gets funnier... as predicted, before taking 'revenge' the illiterate cretin failed to notice that I hadn't been online since twenty hours before she logged out... 'Yesterday at 1am' = late Friday night for the hard of thinking. She just nicely demonstrated that she is a hypocrite (since she claims that such pranks are an abuse of power) and that she isn't smart enough to organise a chimp's tea party. Self-ownage FTW! :lol:
-
I'm glad you're enjoying the dysfunction of internet forums.
It's called laughing in the face of disaster instead of getting stressed out about it, you self-righteous little gonk. ::)
Wow...name calling. How mature of you.
-
:LMAO:
I just looked in and it's still up.
Pretty much ruins what promise the site offered, having her in the mix.
The question is whether bird flu or Modzilla will succeed in fucking the place up first. I wish Peaguy well, but it doesn't look good. :hitler:
Not sure, but there are more than one there who will contract the flu, upon exposure.
-
:LMAO:
I just looked in and it's still up.
Pretty much ruins what promise the site offered, having her in the mix.
The question is whether bird flu or Modzilla will succeed in fucking the place up first. I wish Peaguy well, but it doesn't look good. :hitler:
Modzilla will probably fuck the place up first. She's so clueless it hurts.
-
:LMAO:
I just looked in and it's still up.
Pretty much ruins what promise the site offered, having her in the mix.
The question is whether bird flu or Modzilla will succeed in fucking the place up first. I wish Peaguy well, but it doesn't look good. :hitler:
Modzilla, by the looks of this thread (http://www.damnedvillage.com/index.php?topic=141.0).
Maybe Peaguy adminned her for more drama.
Or maybe she had sex with him.
:lol:
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I'm glad you're enjoying the dysfunction of internet forums.
It's called laughing in the face of disaster instead of getting stressed out about it, you self-righteous little gonk. ::)
Wow...name calling. How mature of you.
Oh stick a sock in it. Your holier-than-thou crap is getting really stale. :fos:
-
Look, I'm staying out of this drama, but I do have an overwhelming curiosity as to who Gaara/modzilla really is and do I know her. If I don't know her from someplace else, fine, and if I DO know her, also fine.
Enquiring minds want to know. After this, I will return to my place in the grandstand and watch the spectacle from afar.
Just call me Switzerland! :green:
-
Modzilla is new to autie boards if I understand it correctly. Which should come as no surprise.
-
Modzilla is new to autie boards if I understand it correctly. Which should come as no surprise.
The thing is, how does anybody know and why is "P" so keen on her!? I mean, it's his board and his choice. IMHO, this is a real tempest in a pot of tea. I'm not attacking anybody, I'm just watching all this and shaking my head in bitter disappointment that another interforum war is yet again rearing it's ugly head.
**ozymandias will now shut his flapping pie hole, since he is totally clueless and bemused at all the drama.**
-
Modzilla is new to autie boards if I understand it correctly. Which should come as no surprise.
The thing is, how does anybody know and why is "P" so keen on her!? I mean, it's his board and his choice. IMHO, this is a real tempest in a pot of tea. I'm not attacking anybody, I'm just watching all this and shaking my head in bitter disappointment that another interforum war is yet again rearing it's ugly head.
**ozymandias will now shut his flapping pie hole, since he is totally clueless and bemused at all the drama.**
It's not a war between boards, Ozy. I doubt most people see it in that way, and I know I don't. I see it the current drama as a problem *in* P's board.
-
Modzilla is new to autie boards if I understand it correctly. Which should come as no surprise.
The thing is, how does anybody know and why is "P" so keen on her!? I mean, it's his board and his choice. IMHO, this is a real tempest in a pot of tea. I'm not attacking anybody, I'm just watching all this and shaking my head in bitter disappointment that another interforum war is yet again rearing it's ugly head.
**ozymandias will now shut his flapping pie hole, since he is totally clueless and bemused at all the drama.**
It's not a war between boards, Ozy. I doubt most people see it in that way, and I know I don't. I see it the current drama as a problem *in* P's board.
Then why the cross border forum battles?? If Gaara runs things a particular way and "P" lets them, let it go! Maybe some people don't see it as a war between boards, but, I DO, and I can't believe that I am the ONLY ONE who does so. I maybe many things, but, clueless I am not, you have a really strong compulsion to get the last word as does Callaway, Peaguy, Gaara, calandale, hadron, milla, etc, etc, etc, yadda yadda yadda and so on and so forth.
The only use I see for this back and forth, tit for tat, bantering is for the sheer love of verbal battle. Something, I have no use for and am quite happy to sit and watch you all "bloody" and batter yourselves senseless. If "P's forum fails, so be it, if I2 fails, so be it, I'm only here, there and everywhere, to socialize, read and be very glad that I am who I am, and to say this, "I am a very lucky bastard". If every forum fails, I will still be me, doing what I do and thinking what I think, and living life as I see fit. I was the person I am before forums and I will be the person I will be after forums.
Remember, you and me are ultimately, just scrambled electrons assembled on a computer screen............................. :indeed:
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Gaara trolled P on youtube and then trolled Shleed, that is all I know about their past. They talk on MSN. Gaara seems to want to be mysterious and has some sort of claimed mission of self importance going on. Her as a admin/mod might be good for some drama and such for a while. DV was pretty boring until this happened. I have known P a lot longer than this Gaara person and she basically demanded to be an admin if she was going to join DV when we were in a group convo on MSN. I would never make such a demand from P and I am pretty sure I have known him longer and know him better than Gaara. That is why him making her an admin was a shock to me. I still want to sit back and watch to see what happens. It is a shame some people got emo and decided to delete their accounts before the shit actually hit the fan. The true fireworks at yet to come on DV.
-
Gaara trolled P on youtube and then trolled Shleed, that is all I know about their past. They talk on MSN. Gaara seems to want to be mysterious and has some sort of claimed mission of self importance going on. Her as a admin/mod might be good for some drama and such for a while. DV was pretty boring until this happened. I have known P a lot longer than this Gaara person and she basically demanded to be an admin if she was going to join DV when we were in a group convo on MSN. I would never make such a demand from P and I am pretty sure I have known him longer and know him better than Gaara. That is why him making her an admin was a shock to me. I still want to sit back and watch to see what happens. It is a shame some people got emo and decided to delete their accounts before the shit actually hit the fan. The true fireworks at yet to come on DV.
Interesting, but, I'm sure there is so much more than meets the eye or computer screen. So light the match, yell, "FIRE IN THE HOLE" and let the fireworks begin! :P
-
Modzilla is new to autie boards if I understand it correctly. Which should come as no surprise.
The thing is, how does anybody know and why is "P" so keen on her!? I mean, it's his board and his choice. IMHO, this is a real tempest in a pot of tea. I'm not attacking anybody, I'm just watching all this and shaking my head in bitter disappointment that another interforum war is yet again rearing it's ugly head.
**ozymandias will now shut his flapping pie hole, since he is totally clueless and bemused at all the drama.**
It's not a war between boards, Ozy. I doubt most people see it in that way, and I know I don't. I see it the current drama as a problem *in* P's board.
Then why the cross border forum battles?? If Gaara runs things a particular way and "P" lets them, let it go! Maybe some people don't see it as a war between boards, but, I DO, and I can't believe that I am the ONLY ONE who does so. I maybe many things, but, clueless I am not, you have a really strong compulsion to get the last word as does Callaway, Peaguy, Gaara, calandale, hadron, milla, etc, etc, etc, yadda yadda yadda and so on and so forth.
The only use I see for this back and forth, tit for tat, bantering is for the sheer love of verbal battle. Something, I have no use for and am quite happy to sit and watch you all "bloody" and batter yourselves senseless. If "P's forum fails, so be it, if I2 fails, so be it, I'm only here, there and everywhere, to socialize, read and be very glad that I am who I am, and to say this, "I am a very lucky bastard". If every forum fails, I will still be me, doing what I do and thinking what I think, and living life as I see fit. I was the person I am before forums and I will be the person I will be after forums.
Remember, you and me are ultimately, just scrambled electrons assembled on a computer screen............................. :indeed:
How is expressing an opinion about some modzilla attacking Dunc on another board that I looked at today for the first time in over a week "cross border forum battles" Ozymandias?
I think that you are one of the charter members of the The Pathologically Pathetic Last Word Getter Inner Club, because you seem to believe that nobody else except you should ever express their opinions.
If Peaguy wants modzilla for whatever reason, it is nothing to me because I'm not even a member there, but he might want to think twice about the way she is alienating his friends. It makes me sad that PI has apparently deleted her account because of her. I would have thought that it would make you sad as well.
-
I'm glad you're enjoying the dysfunction of internet forums.
It's called laughing in the face of disaster instead of getting stressed out about it, you self-righteous little gonk. ::)
Wow...name calling. How mature of you.
Oh stick a sock in it. Your holier-than-thou crap is getting really stale. :fos:
Not my fault it's so easy to rise above the maturity level.
-
(http://i37.tinypic.com/jkuog3.gif)
-
Not my fault it's so easy to rise above the maturity level.
Maturity has little to do with it, o superior one. Some folk give a crap about stuff you don't, just like some of us think Star Trek is bullwank. Because you don't make direct insults don't try to kid yourself you treat others here with any respect. :finger:
-
By way of response to the posters crying emo, childish etc and making assumptions over why Mel really abandoned DV, she's made her position clear here:
http://www.duncsdrivel.biz/index.php?topic=150
In case anyone is actually interested in finding out the truth.
-
Back to the topic saw the today :laugh:
-
Wow- has this community has become so close-knit that everyone's 'time of the month' syncs?
-
I'm glad you're enjoying the dysfunction of internet forums.
It's called laughing in the face of disaster instead of getting stressed out about it, you self-righteous little gonk. ::)
Wow...name calling. How mature of you.
Oh stick a sock in it. Your holier-than-thou crap is getting really stale. :fos:
Not my fault it's so easy to rise above the maturity level.
So long as you're still trying for the last word, girl, it's not maturity.
-
By way of response to the posters crying emo, childish etc and making assumptions over why Mel really abandoned DV, she's made her position clear here:
http://www.duncsdrivel.biz/index.php?topic=150
In case anyone is actually interested in finding out the truth.
Thanks for the link, Dunc.
I never assumed for a second that Mel was acting childishly, but I did assume that she left over the changes that modzilla brought to DV, which actually seems like a fairly accurate assumption. On DV, you said:
Mel saw the sudden shift to restrictions all over the shop and voted with her feet - she respects your right to run the site however you want, but isn't interested in participating in yet another moderated board, rather than fight about the issue she decided to leave you to do it however you want.
I think that Peaguy has made a wise decision to make a fresh start by removing modzilla's admin status and doing it alone or with your help:
http://www.damnedvillage.com/index.php?topic=158.0
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(http://i37.tinypic.com/jkuog3.gif)
Wizard hat! :LMAO:
Derrr, oh yeah, this is the place to make funny. :plus: for staying OT.
-
By way of response to the posters crying emo, childish etc and making assumptions over why Mel really abandoned DV, she's made her position clear here:
http://www.duncsdrivel.biz/index.php?topic=150
In case anyone is actually interested in finding out the truth.
I thought she had made it clear enough on DV itself tbh. Modzilla was a really bad idea.
-
Modzilla is new to autie boards if I understand it correctly. Which should come as no surprise.
The thing is, how does anybody know and why is "P" so keen on her!? I mean, it's his board and his choice. IMHO, this is a real tempest in a pot of tea. I'm not attacking anybody, I'm just watching all this and shaking my head in bitter disappointment that another interforum war is yet again rearing it's ugly head.
**ozymandias will now shut his flapping pie hole, since he is totally clueless and bemused at all the drama.**
It's not a war between boards, Ozy. I doubt most people see it in that way, and I know I don't. I see it the current drama as a problem *in* P's board.
Then why the cross border forum battles?? If Gaara runs things a particular way and "P" lets them, let it go! Maybe some people don't see it as a war between boards, but, I DO, and I can't believe that I am the ONLY ONE who does so. I maybe many things, but, clueless I am not, you have a really strong compulsion to get the last word as does Callaway, Peaguy, Gaara, calandale, hadron, milla, etc, etc, etc, yadda yadda yadda and so on and so forth.
The only use I see for this back and forth, tit for tat, bantering is for the sheer love of verbal battle. Something, I have no use for and am quite happy to sit and watch you all "bloody" and batter yourselves senseless. If "P's forum fails, so be it, if I2 fails, so be it, I'm only here, there and everywhere, to socialize, read and be very glad that I am who I am, and to say this, "I am a very lucky bastard". If every forum fails, I will still be me, doing what I do and thinking what I think, and living life as I see fit. I was the person I am before forums and I will be the person I will be after forums.
Remember, you and me are ultimately, just scrambled electrons assembled on a computer screen............................. :indeed:
Sure, it's (sort of) fun to flame Gaara, and yes, I have a strong compulsion to get the last word, but there's also the fact that she genuinely annoys me. I've never suffered fools gladly.
Anyways, the drama is over, it seems. She's no longer an admin.
-
Gaara trolled P on youtube and then trolled Shleed, that is all I know about their past. They talk on MSN. Gaara seems to want to be mysterious and has some sort of claimed mission of self importance going on. Her as a admin/mod might be good for some drama and such for a while. DV was pretty boring until this happened. I have known P a lot longer than this Gaara person and she basically demanded to be an admin if she was going to join DV when we were in a group convo on MSN. I would never make such a demand from P and I am pretty sure I have known him longer and know him better than Gaara. That is why him making her an admin was a shock to me. I still want to sit back and watch to see what happens. It is a shame some people got emo and decided to delete their accounts before the shit actually hit the fan. The true fireworks at yet to come on DV.
I think the drama's over, actually.
Now that she no longer is an admin, she seems to go for the assburger kind of insults, which is not enough to keep me interested.
-
The woman is 44 and doesn't even have the spectrum as a half-assed excuse, which is kind of scary in and of itself.
-
She's 44?
-
If I'm remembering right. I think it's mentioned on Pea's site somewhere - maybe in her "New site admin" thread?
-
Gaara trolled P on youtube and then trolled Shleed, that is all I know about their past. They talk on MSN. Gaara seems to want to be mysterious and has some sort of claimed mission of self importance going on. Her as a admin/mod might be good for some drama and such for a while. DV was pretty boring until this happened. I have known P a lot longer than this Gaara person and she basically demanded to be an admin if she was going to join DV when we were in a group convo on MSN. I would never make such a demand from P and I am pretty sure I have known him longer and know him better than Gaara. That is why him making her an admin was a shock to me. I still want to sit back and watch to see what happens. It is a shame some people got emo and decided to delete their accounts before the shit actually hit the fan. The true fireworks at yet to come on DV.
I think the drama's over, actually.
Now that she no longer is an admin, she seems to go for the assburger kind of insults, which is not enough to keep me interested.
Yeah it is now that she isn't an admin. Her insults need to improve.
I am surprised that a 44 year old woman is into 4chan. That might not be her true age, and Gaara might actually not be a female either.
-
oh look its calandale on his way back from a funeral
-
/dies
:LMAO:
:plus:
-
:plus:
-
Anyways, the drama is over, it seems. She's no longer an admin.
This is why, even though he was having NONE of my talk, I tried to tell P that I was not as worried as some were.
:D
My joke about trajectory, ftw!
-
Anyways, the drama is over, it seems. She's no longer an admin.
This is why, even though he was having NONE of my talk, I tried to tell P that I was not as worried as some were.
:D
My joke about trajectory, ftw!
I wasn't either, but, the tempest in a pot of tea is semi over. We just have to hope that Lucifer gets Odeon's ya-ya's out! :eyebrows:
-
Look, I'm staying out of this drama, but I do have an overwhelming curiosity as to who Gaara/modzilla really is and do I know her. If I don't know her from someplace else, fine, and if I DO know her, also fine.
Enquiring minds want to know. After this, I will return to my place in the grandstand and watch the spectacle from afar.
Just call me Switzerland! :green:
OK. But don't take any of that Nazi gold. It's called "going off message." :P
-
:laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-JUsgdIVRI
-
Look, I'm staying out of this drama, but I do have an overwhelming curiosity as to who Gaara/modzilla really is and do I know her. If I don't know her from someplace else, fine, and if I DO know her, also fine.
Enquiring minds want to know. After this, I will return to my place in the grandstand and watch the spectacle from afar.
Just call me Switzerland! :green:
OK. But don't take any of that Nazi gold. It's called "going off message." :P
Gold is good, but I am a silver man myself! 8) Keeps the vampires and werewolves at bay, aka "bitches!". :green:
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If I'm remembering right. I think it's mentioned on Pea's site somewhere - maybe in her "New site admin" thread?
You are right, Pyraxis:
I'm 44 years old and I have two kids, live near an Air Base. Just took up an A level, English literature and language [well, double A-level], and I frequent YT alot.
-
I suppose one should have faith in people who " frequent (something) a lot" on their way to an English class.
:lol:
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She needs the language course. :P
-
(http://mentalfruition.com/random/bloody_hell.jpg)
-
http://mentalfruition.com/random/bloody_hell.jpg
/smirks
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She needs the language course. :P
"frequent" in that context is perfectable good english, actually. the accent is on the second syllable, in this case, not the first.
:police:
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I'm familiar with that usage, but I always thought that "frequenting" a place made the phrase, "a lot" redundant.
"I'm a regular frequenter ..." would be tolerable since, "regular" refers to some possible schedule, right?
You're saying that her expression is acceptable as it was posted? OK, so does that mean I'm being old fashioned or New Age with my paranoia of redundancy?
... or just smply, 'merican?
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"to frequent something" is to regularly visit it.
-
... and my "regular frequenting" of Intensity, would be redundant, but "frequenting Intensity a lot" would not?
-
Well English allows for various redundancies in our speech...particularly in certain dialects...
-
She needs the language course. :P
"frequent" in that context is perfectable good english, actually. the accent is on the second syllable, in this case, not the first.
:police:
I wasn't referring to her use of "frequent". You need to read some of her posts.
-
She needs the language course. :P
"frequent" in that context is perfectable good english, actually. the accent is on the second syllable, in this case, not the first.
:police:
I wasn't referring to her use of "frequent". You need to read some of her posts.
you want me to? don't you love me anymore? :'(
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She needs the language course. :P
"frequent" in that context is perfectable good english, actually. the accent is on the second syllable, in this case, not the first.
:police:
I wasn't referring to her use of "frequent". You need to read some of her posts.
you want me to? don't you love me anymore? :'(
I merely wanted to tell you that I know how to use the word "frequent". :-*
-
She needs the language course. :P
"frequent" in that context is perfectable good english, actually. the accent is on the second syllable, in this case, not the first.
:police:
I wasn't referring to her use of "frequent". You need to read some of her posts.
you want me to? don't you love me anymore? :'(
I merely wanted to tell you that I know how to use the word "frequent". :-*
You mean as in "I want to have frequent foom with Lucifer." Don't you?? :eyelash:
-
She needs the language course. :P
"frequent" in that context is perfectable good english, actually. the accent is on the second syllable, in this case, not the first.
:police:
I wasn't referring to her use of "frequent". You need to read some of her posts.
you want me to? don't you love me anymore? :'(
I merely wanted to tell you that I know how to use the word "frequent". :-*
i know, but i got an extra kiss out of it, eh? :evillaugh:
-
Tommy Cooper Jokes
'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.'
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and
the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one
of them would have seen it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round'.
The other one says 'So are you, you fat slob!'
LOL :thumbup: :laugh:
-
(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1242.png)
And for other QC-followers: Doesn't Will technically fit that description, thus far? :o
-
Will isn't neat :P
-
Will isn't neat :P
Pretentious too, in my books.
-
Will isn't neat :P
Pretentious too, in my books.
Wouldn't that be true of all of them? ;)
-
Will isn't neat :P
Pretentious too, in my books.
Wouldn't that be true of all of them? ;)
Have we had confirmation/disconfirmation of will's messiness/sloppiness?
And, he's an 'artist.' That makes him pretentious by default, but she's pretentious too if she needs him to read, so I think he might be sub-unbearably-pretetious threshold.
-
On another note, HYSTERIA!
(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1243.png)
-
tehehe...
It should be noted that "hysteria" doesn't mean now what it used to mean...
-
And the post I was replying to mysterious disappears!
Sounds like an awesome band name; "Wandering Uterus"
-
Found this the other day:
-
Found this the other day:
:plus: He IS The Doctor! 8)
-
“Acid was my favorite drug, because acid would open up my mind. Because of acid I now know that butter is way better than margarine. I saw through the bullshit. When I was on acid I would see things…like beams of light, and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful like car horns. When we were on acid, we would go into the woods, because when you’re in the woods tripping there is less likely a chance you will run into an authority figure…but we ran into a bear. That was even more of a buzz kill. My friend Dwayne was standing there raising his right hand, swearing to help prevent forest fires. We got away from the bear and he put his arm around my shoulders and said, ‘Mitch, Smokey is way more intense in person. He’s an asshole.’
I went to England to tell jokes, and wanted to tell the Smokey the Bear joke in England, so I had to ask the English if they know who Smokey the Bear was, but they don’t. Because in England, Smokey the Bear is not the Forest Fire Prevention Representative. They have Smacky the Frog. It’s just like a bear, but it’s a frog. I think that’s a better system and we should adopt it, because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping towards me and I thought man, I better play dead...here comes that frog. I’d never say, ‘Here comes that frog,’ in a nervous manner. It’s always optimistic like, ‘Hey, here comes that frog…alright.’ Maybe he will settle near me and I can pet him and put him in a mayonnaise jar with a stick and a leaf to recreate what he is used to. I will certainly have to punch some holes in the lid, ‘cause he’s damn sure used to air. Then I can observe him. He won’t be doing much in his 16 oz. world.
I like to talk about the differences between frogs and bears. When there’s a frog around I don’t have to hang my sandwiches from a branch. A frog knows they are for me. He’d rather have a fly, ‘cause a fly zigzags and my sandwiches do not. Unless I go like this. When I want some honey on some toast I don’t have to squeeze a plastic frog.” -Mitch Hedberg
-
(http://www.andiamnotlying.com/images/CentaurFlyer.jpg)
-
“Acid was my favorite drug, because acid would open up my mind. Because of acid I now know that butter is way better than margarine. I saw through the bullshit. When I was on acid I would see things…like beams of light, and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful like car horns. When we were on acid, we would go into the woods, because when you’re in the woods tripping there is less likely a chance you will run into an authority figure…but we ran into a bear. That was even more of a buzz kill. My friend Dwayne was standing there raising his right hand, swearing to help prevent forest fires. We got away from the bear and he put his arm around my shoulders and said, ‘Mitch, Smokey is way more intense in person. He’s an asshole.’
I went to England to tell jokes, and wanted to tell the Smokey the Bear joke in England, so I had to ask the English if they know who Smokey the Bear was, but they don’t. Because in England, Smokey the Bear is not the Forest Fire Prevention Representative. They have Smacky the Frog. It’s just like a bear, but it’s a frog. I think that’s a better system and we should adopt it, because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping towards me and I thought man, I better play dead...here comes that frog. I’d never say, ‘Here comes that frog,’ in a nervous manner. It’s always optimistic like, ‘Hey, here comes that frog…alright.’ Maybe he will settle near me and I can pet him and put him in a mayonnaise jar with a stick and a leaf to recreate what he is used to. I will certainly have to punch some holes in the lid, ‘cause he’s damn sure used to air. Then I can observe him. He won’t be doing much in his 16 oz. world.
I like to talk about the differences between frogs and bears. When there’s a frog around I don’t have to hang my sandwiches from a branch. A frog knows they are for me. He’d rather have a fly, ‘cause a fly zigzags and my sandwiches do not. Unless I go like this. When I want some honey on some toast I don’t have to squeeze a plastic frog.” -Mitch Hedberg
Lol, I was starting to think it was Hedberg even before the name clicked.
-
"I got a king size bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over I guess he would be comfortable. Oh…you're a king you say. Well you won't believe what I have in store for you. It fits to your exact specifications. I did not know you guys were all the same size. I think I can set your lady up too!" -Mitch Hedberg
-
My two-year old daughter ripped her poop-filled diaper off today and started finger painting the carpet with her own feces.
-
My two-year old daughter ripped her poop-filled diaper off today and started finger painting the carpet with her own feces.
:plus: ther are things about kids that age I just don't miss :laugh:
-
My two-year old daughter ripped her poop-filled diaper off today and started finger painting the carpet with her own feces.
My daughter did something like that once when she was about that age.
It took my husband and me a very long time to clean it up and she kept protesting that it was an accident.
-
One of the best punchlines in awhile IMO:
(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1246.png)
-
Hawt and funny! :LMAO:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YBvCDrP2X8
-
If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago you would have $49.00 left.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214.00 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg
A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found Americans drink, on the average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Makes You Proud To Be An American!
-
My five year old just informed me that Jesus is a crocodile, and so is his dad, God. They were both made by the same company, owned by the Man In The Moon.
:lol:
-
My five year old just informed me that Jesus is a crocodile, and so is his dad, God. They were both made by the same company, owned by the Man In The Moon.
:lol:
Hmmm that well it does explain who created the creator!
& they're (jesus & dad) made by a corporation which proves corporations are more powerful than god. They must be the devil! :laugh:
-
My five year old just informed me that Jesus is a crocodile, and so is his dad, God. They were both made by the same company, owned by the Man In The Moon.
:lol:
I wonder how he came up with that.
:laugh:
-
(http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/2008/10/94%20They%20Hate%20You%20Too.jpg)
-
what do astronaughts eat out in space? answer: launchmeat. go ahead laugh, you know you want to
-
(http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/2008/10/94%20They%20Hate%20You%20Too.jpg)
How'd you get that picture of me?
:LMAO:
-
(http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/2008/10/94%20They%20Hate%20You%20Too.jpg)
The guy wearing a blue shirt, whose head obscures part of the letter "C" in "CROWDS" could pass for Renaeden's brother.
:lol:
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If she had one... :P
-
:evillaugh:
-
I saw that earlier today... I even pondered showing you! :lol:
-
If she had one... :P
Applying your reality to mine? I object.
:police:
-
If she had one... :P
Applying your reality to mine? I object.
:police:
But my reality is better :P
-
If she had one... :P
Applying your reality to mine? I object.
:police:
But my reality is better :P
... but hardly relevant.
Had I thought it mattered whether she had a brother or not, I might have worded it differently or researched to issue.
It was meant to induce smiles.
-
I saw that earlier today... I even pondered showing you! :lol:
I've so gone off ASUS motherboards lately. Back to Gigabyte it seems.
-
If she had one... :P
That she knows of.
-
If she had one... :P
Applying your reality to mine? I object.
:police:
But my reality is better :P
... but hardly relevant.
Had I thought it mattered whether she had a brother or not, I might have worded it differently or researched to issue.
It was meant to induce smiles.
But then it wouldn't be as funny...
I saw that earlier today... I even pondered showing you! :lol:
I've so gone off ASUS motherboards lately. Back to Gigabyte it seems.
Gigabyte rules! (only because I tend to attach myself to the first brand I am exposed to...)
If she had one... :P
That she knows of.
True that...
-
I saw that earlier today... I even pondered showing you! :lol:
I've so gone off ASUS motherboards lately. Back to Gigabyte it seems.
I've had an Abit NF7-S since 01/2004 and apart from the northbridge fan dying have had no other issues. I'd buy Abit again.
-
I saw that earlier today... I even pondered showing you! :lol:
I've so gone off ASUS motherboards lately. Back to Gigabyte it seems.
Gigabyte rules! (only because I tend to attach myself to the first brand I am exposed to...)
Wow, that is so AS :asthing:
But yeah, I tend to go with well supported popular brands that actually work when it comes to computers. Also some brands you just tend to fall in love with for the cool factor.
Plus Gigabyte motherboards tend to look better than ASUS ones. Visual detail only but one I find important in these case window days.
-
I saw that earlier today... I even pondered showing you! :lol:
I've so gone off ASUS motherboards lately. Back to Gigabyte it seems.
I've had an Abit NF7-S since 01/2004 and apart from the northbridge fan dying have had no other issues. I'd buy Abit again.
My two most reliable were both Soyo, but I also have an old Asus that has always worked fine.
Time to build a new one though.
Abit?
... maybe.
Gigabyte has my attention, though.
-
If she had one... :P
Applying your reality to mine? I object.
:police:
But my reality is better :P
... but hardly relevant.
Had I thought it mattered whether she had a brother or not, I might have worded it differently or researched to issue.
It was meant to induce smiles.
But then it wouldn't be as funny...
probably not
-
I saw that earlier today... I even pondered showing you! :lol:
I've so gone off ASUS motherboards lately. Back to Gigabyte it seems.
I've had an Abit NF7-S since 01/2004 and apart from the northbridge fan dying have had no other issues. I'd buy Abit again.
Abit has also been very popular with the enthusiasts. Unfortunately the rumour is that they are going to stop making motherboards at the end of this year.
http://channel.hexus.net/content/item.php?item=15225
-
What about a graphics card, guys?
I plan to use Vista for an operating system in my upcoming wireless media PC.
I don't do much gaming, but I need "some" power for my exceedingly large stills
-
I saw that earlier today... I even pondered showing you! :lol:
I've so gone off ASUS motherboards lately. Back to Gigabyte it seems.
I've had an Abit NF7-S since 01/2004 and apart from the northbridge fan dying have had no other issues. I'd buy Abit again.
My two most reliable were both Soyo, but I also have an old Asus that has always worked fine.
Time to build a new one though.
Abit?
... maybe.
Gigabyte has my attention, though.
There is only one rule with ASUS, and that could also only apply to recently, but always buy a top end board from ASUS, their low end boards are complete and utter shite.
Gigabyte low end boards appear to be okay though (not an actual guarantee).
-
(http://galileoace.com/Misc/BetaBeast/P1000386.jpg)
My pretties...
(http://galileoace.com/Misc/BetaBeast/P1000385.jpg)
(not up to date, but close enough)
(http://galileoace.com/Misc/BetaBeast/BetaSpecs.JPG)
-
What about a graphics card, guys?
I plan to use Vista for an operating system in my upcoming wireless media PC.
I don't do much gaming, but I need "some" power for my exceedingly large stills
As you can see above I use a GeForce 8800 GTX which suits my purposes wonderfully. Fully DX10 compatible (not that really matters), and now days you can get the relatively cheap.
-
I generally buy the tops or one step down from the top, if it only means less options.
-
Oh yeah, on the above scale, 5.9 is the highest it goes...even if the device rates higher.
-
I generally buy the tops or one step down from the top, if it only means less options.
That latest NVIDIA card is the GTX 260, thought I don't know much about it.
-
What about a graphics card, guys?
I plan to use Vista for an operating system in my upcoming wireless media PC.
Well for my next Media PC build, I'm thinking of going with an ATi card, on of the new HD 4xxx range, probably a 4650 or 4670.
But its all a factor of what power supply you are using (wattage) and what motherboard/chipset you intend to use. If you motherboard has onboard VGA and supports Hybrid SLi/Crossfire, then you need to get a matching card for that. Also another factor to consider is what companies graphics drivers are currently suited to you needs and O/S.
-
I have an 8800 GTX made by PNY that I had "planned to use." I don't have to have the most current, but reliability is important. I hate to fuck with the hardware. I just want it to work!
Now the impossible question.
I need still a really good DVD/CD burner. My Plextor recently died and I'm using a Samsung. It sucks!
I intend to spend about a fourth of my budget on another "good one," which we unfortunately do not sell at work.
I have a stand alone CD burner from Denon that is the best I've ever had, but I also need one in the box, capable of DVD duty as well.
Any suggestions?
-
What about a graphics card, guys?
I plan to use Vista for an operating system in my upcoming wireless media PC.
Well for my next Media PC build, I'm thinking of going with an ATi card, on of the new HD 4xxx range, probably a 4650 or 4670.
But its all a factor of what power supply you are using (wattage) and what motherboard/chipset you intend to use. If you motherboard has onboard VGA and supports Hybrid SLi/Crossfire, then you need to get a matching card for that. Also another factor to consider is what companies graphics drivers are currently suited to you needs and O/S.
I've had three different ATI cards, because I liked the features, but I have always had trouble with drivers.
I have not chosen a board yet. Onboard crossfire? Is that common, now?
... have more reading to do, I guess.
-
I have an 8800 GTX made by PNY that I had "planned to use." I don't have to have the most current, but reliability is important. I hate to fuck with the hardware. I just want it to work!
Now the impossible question.
I need still a really good DVD/CD burner. My Plextor recently died and I'm using a Samsung. It sucks!
I intend to spend about a fourth of my budget on another "good one," which we unfortunately do not sell at work.
I have a stand alone CD burner from Denon that is the best I've ever had, but I also need one in the box, capable of DVD duty as well.
Any suggestions?
I like Pioneer DVD Writers. If you want region free (using MediaCodeSpeedEdit, then use AnyDVD so Vista doesn't pitch a fit cos it doesn't like region free drives), I'd go with a DVR-115D (PATA/IDE) or a DVR-215 (SATA), they are as cheap as hell now anyway (price wise). And only go with SATA if you are using a motherboard with an Intel Chipset as all the others seem to have one problem or another from what I've heard.
As with the 8800GTX, that should do fine as long as it supports HDCP and has the right output for the display you are going to be using. Always test out what you already have before you go off and buy something new, you might not have to.
-
(http://www.ratemyeverything.net/image/1292/0/Weird_and_Inappropriate_Things_I_Say_and_Do_No_4.ashx)
(http://www.infendo.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/1221793489985hm0-495x328.jpg)
(http://www.briancombs.net/pictures/LucasArts0908/lucasarts0908-04o.jpg)
(http://www.handrooster.com/comics/20070427.gif)
-
.
-
Gigabyte has my attention, though.
I have a Gigabyte mobo.
-
Gigabyte has my attention, though.
I have a Gigabyte mobo.
Well obviously that settles that then.
This is a nice Gigabyte Motherboard:
http://www.gigabyte.com.tw/Products/Motherboard/Products_Overview.aspx?ProductID=2919
-
(http://www.briancombs.net/pictures/LucasArts0908/lucasarts0908-04o.jpg)
:LMAO:
I am a member of the Washington DC Metro Area Star Wars Collecting Club (http://www.dcswcc.org/index.php) and during our Summer Social we have a gift exchange called the Sarlacc Swap. Part of the fun is that you package the gift in homemade version of the Sarlacc Pit. Last year, the winner of the contest for best design did a very nice looking Sarlacc Pit with sand and everything, but instead of say a Boba Fett action figure in its grasp, they put a Jar Jar Binks action figure.
-
.
-
Pay attention for this one:
-
lol irony :LMAO:
-
I think I get that one...
-
http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=460
laughter clubs
-
(http://www.superpoop.com/100808/imaginary-money.jpg)
-
:LMAO:
-
A circulating email from work ...
>> I'm against the $85 BILLION bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in favor of
giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a "We Deserve It" dividend. To make
the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bona fide U.S. citizens,
aged 18+.
>>
>> Our population is about 301 million counting every man, woman and child.
So, 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up. Now, divide 200
million, 18+ adults into $85 billion - that equals $425,000.00 each! Yes,
my plan is to give that $425,000 to every adult as a "We Deserve It"
dividend.
>>
>> Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So, let's assume a tax rate of 30%.
Everyone would pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25.5 billion right
back to Uncle Sam! It also means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in
their pocket. A husband and wife would have $595,000.00!
>>
>> What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00?
>>
>> * Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
>> * Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads.
>> * Put away money for college - it'll really be there.
>> * Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
>> * Buy a new car - create jobs .
>> * Invest in the market - capital drives growth.
>> * Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves.
>> * Enable deadbeat parents to come clean - or else.
>>
>> Remember this is for every adult U.S. citizen, 18 and older (including
the folks who lost their jobs at Lehmann Brothers and every other company
that is cutting back) and of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.
>>
>> If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it! Instead of
trickling out a puny $1,000.00 "economic incentive".
>>
>> If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult
U.S. citizen!
>>
>> As for AIG - liquidate it.
>>
>> * Sell off its parts.
>> * Let American General go back to being American General.
>> * Sell off the real estate.
>> * Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.
>>
>> We deserve the money and AIG doesn't. Sure it's a crazy idea, but can
you imagine the coast-to-coast block party?!
>>
>> How do you spell Economic Boom? W-e D-e-s-e-r-v-e I-t d-i-v-i-d-e-n-d!
I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion "We
Deserve It" dividend more than do the 'geniuses' at AIG or in Washington ,
D.C. .
>>
>> And remember, my plan only really costs $59.5 billion because $25.5
billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam. Good idea? I think
so.
-
You know these yuppie types who personalize their license plates with their own initials?
I saw one today that should have been thought over a few times before submitting it.
On a Cadillac Escalade, I saw the custom license plate:
WGR BTR
Yes, I am sure it was his and her initials, but when I saw it, I thought it meant, "Wigger Beater."
The twitch driving the SUV did not look like she could beat a half dollar bag of potato chips, let alone an angry "wigger."
:D
-
Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A: This is difficult to question answer. The amount of wood that woodchucks would chuck on a given day varies greatly with the individual woodchuck. According to a Wall Street Journal article, New York State wildlife expert Richard Thomas found that a woodchuck could chuck around 35 cubic feet of dirt in the course of digging a burrow. Thomas reasoned that if a woodchuck could chuck wood, he would chuck an amount equal to 700 pounds.
Some say it depends on three factors:
* The woodchuck's desire to chuck said wood.
* The woodchuck's need to chuck the aforementioned wood.
* The woodchuck's ability to chuck the wood.
Others say:
* He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
* If he could chuck wood, the woodchuck would chuck as much as he could!
* A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
* A woodchuck would chuck all the wood that the woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
* If a woodchuck could chuck wood, he would and should chuck wood. But if woodchucks can't chuck wood, they shouldn't and wouldn't chuck wood. Though were I a woodchuck, and I chucked wood, I would chuck wood with the best woodchucks that chucked wood.
* If a woodchuck could chuck wood, then s/he'd chuck all the wood, s/he'd chuck and chuck and chuck and chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
* It would chuck the amount of wood that she sells seashells on the seashore divided by how many pickles Peter Piper picks.
* One quarter of a sycamore if you give him a quarter for every quarter of the sycamore he cut.
* It might depend on how many female woodchucks were present. Or, it could depend on whether the woodchuck's mother-in-law was around or not. If she was, he'd be chucking all day. If not, he'd be watching the football game.
* Some maintain that woodchucks could not and would not chuck wood at all.
* It depends on how good his dentures are!
* A woodchuck, would chuck, as much wood, as a woodchuck, could chuck, If a woodchuck could chuck wood. But unfortunately, woodchucks do not chuck wood.
* About 5.72 fluid litres of wood
* About as many boards as the Mongol hoards would hoard if the Mongol hordes did hoard boards.
* Um....... 23????
* Tons. More than you can count. Honestly. No one can chuck more would than a woodchuck.
* If the woodchucks name was Maurice, then it could chuck all the wood that it wants to. However, if its name is Frank, no chucking would be for it.
Due to the average size of a wood chuck and the general density of wood (not including cork) if a wood chuck could chuck wood it would probably get through about 6.573 pounds per day, assuming the wood chuck is functioning correctly.
-
A circulating email from work ...
>> I'm against the $85 BILLION bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in favor of
giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a "We Deserve It" dividend. To make
the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bona fide U.S. citizens,
aged 18+.
>>
>> Our population is about 301 million counting every man, woman and child.
So, 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up. Now, divide 200
million, 18+ adults into $85 billion - that equals $425,000.00 each! Yes,
my plan is to give that $425,000 to every adult as a "We Deserve It"
dividend.
>>
>> Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So, let's assume a tax rate of 30%.
Everyone would pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25.5 billion right
back to Uncle Sam! It also means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in
their pocket. A husband and wife would have $595,000.00!
>>
>> What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00?
>>
>> * Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
>> * Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads.
>> * Put away money for college - it'll really be there.
>> * Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
>> * Buy a new car - create jobs .
>> * Invest in the market - capital drives growth.
>> * Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves.
>> * Enable deadbeat parents to come clean - or else.
>>
>> Remember this is for every adult U.S. citizen, 18 and older (including
the folks who lost their jobs at Lehmann Brothers and every other company
that is cutting back) and of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.
>>
>> If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it! Instead of
trickling out a puny $1,000.00 "economic incentive".
>>
>> If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult
U.S. citizen!
>>
>> As for AIG - liquidate it.
>>
>> * Sell off its parts.
>> * Let American General go back to being American General.
>> * Sell off the real estate.
>> * Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.
>>
>> We deserve the money and AIG doesn't. Sure it's a crazy idea, but can
you imagine the coast-to-coast block party?!
>>
>> How do you spell Economic Boom? W-e D-e-s-e-r-v-e I-t d-i-v-i-d-e-n-d!
I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion "We
Deserve It" dividend more than do the 'geniuses' at AIG or in Washington ,
D.C. .
>>
>> And remember, my plan only really costs $59.5 billion because $25.5
billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam. Good idea? I think
so.
Yeah that is the way it should be for sure in the end. :thumbup: :plus:
-
:thumbup:
-
(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1251.png)
Hey, for him, it's a legitimate concern. :laugh:
-
I laughed.
-
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears, with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up. What with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning…uphill…barefoot...BOTH ways…yadda, yadda, yadda! And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice how easy the youth of today has it. I mean, compared to my childhood, they live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but these kids today don't know how good they've got it!
When I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!
There was no e-mail!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! Then we had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3s! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and fuck it all up!
We didn't have fancy crap like call waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!
And we didn't have fancy caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent…you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances!
We didn't have any fancy Sony PlayStation with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600 with games like Space Invaders and Asteroids. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like life!
We had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! We were screwed when it came to channel surfing and had to get off our asses and walk over to the TV to change the channel. And there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!
We didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove. Imagine that!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! These kids today have got it too easy. They're spoiled. They wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
-
:lol:
:plus:
-
We didn't have any fancy Sony PlayStation with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600 with games like Space Invaders and Asteroids. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like life!
Oh, and that's not the worst of it. OUR GAMES BACK THEN NEVER HAD CHEATS!!! Games these days have cheats built right into them, I had to clock Asteroids all on my own, WITH SKILL.
-
And we had to wait half an hour just for the game to load from the tape deck, and half the time it wouldn't load right, so we'd have to rewind and start over. It was great when I switched from an Acorn Electron to a BBC Microcomputer; the BBC had a floppy disk drive and games loaded nearly instantly.
-
*yawn*
Humans have always had tools to improve their lives in any which way. This is not a new thing.
-
When I first used AOL... it was on dial-up. Kids these days have never had to avoid web pages they know are full of IMAGES. >:(
-
When I was on dial-up, my connection disconnected every 2 hours and had to be redialed.
-
the last dial up connection I had lasted 24hrs.
I could dl 11gb per month on that connection....
-
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the
bird
section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. 'Yeah, we'll take
four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage upb dere,' says Gerry. The
owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the
birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top
of
the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and
says,
'Dis looks like a grand place.' He takes two birds out of the box,
puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to
the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head
and says, 'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for
me!'
Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff
carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the
other.
'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.
He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws
himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the
parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and
breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat
parrotshooting either!'
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean
appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of
which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the
cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his
spine. Once more Paddy shakes his head.
'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping,
den Seamus parrotshooting... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding.
-
:fart:
-
I may have posted this one before...
Jenga Tower Tragedy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdNeaSgqcFg
-
“I think they can take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn’t even care. I can’t imagine five years from now saying, ‘Damn…remember sesame seeds. What happened? All the buns are blank.’ They’re gonna have to change that McDonald’s song. Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a…bun. How does the sesame seed stick to the bun? That’s fucking magical. There’s got to be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they’re adhesive on one side. Take the sesame seed out, remove the backing, and place it on the bun. Now your bun will look spectacular. What does a sesame seed grow into? I don’t know. We never give them the chance. What the fuck is a sesame? It’s a street. It’s a way to open shit.” -Mitch Hedberg
-
"Hey man, I went to the Home Depot you know the other day, which was unnecessary. I need to go to the Apartment Depot, which is just a big warehouse with people standing around saying, ‘Hey, we ain’t gotta fix shit!’" -Mitch Hedberg
-
"As an adult, I’m not supposed to go down slides. So if I end up at the top of a slide, I have to act like I got there accidentally. ‘How’d I get up here…goddammit? I guess I have to slide down. Weeeeeeeeeeee!’ That’s what you say when you’re having fun. You refer to yourself and some other people." -Mitch Hedberg
-
“I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. And Pringles is a laid back company. They said, ‘Fuck it! Cut ‘em up!’” -Mitch Hedberg
-
“On a traffic light, green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it’s just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the fuck did you get that banana at?” -Mitch Hedberg
-
“And two-in-one is a bullshit term, because one is not big enough to hold two. That’s why two was created. If it was two-in-one it would be overflowing. The bottle would be all sticky and shit.” -Mitch Hedberg
-
http://xkcd.com/481/
-
If only..
-
If only..
Actually...
http://www.networkworld.com/community/node/33807
-
http://xkcd.com/202/
-
Interesting...
-
:LMAO:
I love xkcd!!!
From an iPhone it is difficult to type properly! :P
-
b isn't even near the k on the keyboard.
(Edit Pleased: There is no longer an error)
-
b isn't even near the k on the keyboard.
maybe not on YOUR keyboard.
-
I suppose if they were using the DVORAK layout it could be excused:
(http://rffr.de/images/dvorak.jpg)
But that's certainly not a common keyboard layout.
-
I suppose if they were using the DVORAK layout it could be excused:
(http://rffr.de/images/dvorak.jpg)
But that's certainly not a common keyboard layout.
Hear that, trigger? THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR YOUR TYPO!!
-
I suppose if they were using the DVORAK layout it could be excused:
(http://rffr.de/images/dvorak.jpg)
But that's certainly not a common keyboard layout.
Hear that, trigger? THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR YOUR TYPO!!
What typo? :P
-
When I first used AOL... it was on dial-up. Kids these days have never had to avoid web pages they know are full of IMAGES. >:(
I miss my Usenet days. There were no pictures because there was no www.
-
:lol:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/12/18/health_website/
-
Beware of kids with baggy clothes:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=zWF5TyLca1w
-
WTF!
-
:lol:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/12/18/health_website/
:laugh:
You will be happy to know they renamed the image:
http://www.sexualhealth.org.uk/vag.jpg
(http://www.sexualhealth.org.uk/vag.jpg)
-
Beware of kids with baggy clothes:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=zWF5TyLca1w
Yeah they showed that clip on 'Bowling for Columbine'
-
I think instead of restricting students' freedom of expression through person affectations they should restrict their access to dangerous and lethal weaponary.
-
Rocket propelled chainsaw:
http://www.militaryphotos.net/forums/showthread.php?t=66428
-
I think instead of restricting students' freedom of expression through person affectations they should restrict their access to dangerous and lethal weaponary.
Communist!
-
I think instead of restricting students' freedom of expression through person affectations they should restrict their access to dangerous and lethal weaponary.
Communist!
Damn right!
-
I think instead of restricting students' freedom of expression through person affectations they should restrict their access to dangerous and lethal weaponary.
Communist!
Damn right!
:agreed:
Not the Communist part. The other stuff!
-
From bash.org
#833485 +(1105)- [X]
<Boyzoid> we went through almost 4 cases of beer
<Boyzoid> and most of that was drunk by my dad and I
<Boyzoid> I get my liver form him
<jamiejackson> you'll get it from someone else soon
#832254 +(1081)- [X]
<Redden> you know what you shouldn't take on planes?
<Sealab> Leslie Nielson?
<Bagel> Box Cutters?
<Dodge> William Shatners?
<Scotty> Gameboys?
<DotTom> Babies?
<The Amazing Rando> Wesley Snipes?
<seander> Flaming torches?
<Gib Yob> Vials of smallpox?
<Kelvin> Zombies?
<Tomuber> Mutha fuckin snakes?
#830989 +(668)- [X]
babygrl168572: oh so ur kalling me ignent i see
MeatCutterDrummer: I don't think I need to after that statement
#830555 +(2834)- [X]
<Avery> I called AOL tech support once
<Avery> I was hungover
<Avery> and couldn't find my pants
<Avery> so I called them
<Avery> the lady told me to look under the kitchen table
<Avery> andthere they were
<Avery> how she knew that is beyond me
#829456 +(2662)- [X]
<TB> I was depressed last night so I called the Suicide Life Line.
<TB> I reached a call center in Pakistan.
<TB> I told them I was suicidal.
<TB> They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck
#827518 +(2487)- [X]
<kinzey> i want to go out with a girl
<kinzey> and lay in the field
<kinzey> real romatic like
<kinzey> and just stare at the full moon
<kinzey> and she'll say something along the lines of "the moon's so beautiful tonight"
<kinzey> and i'll just be like
<kinzey> "that's no moon... THAT'S A BATTLESTATION!!!"
<kinzey> and then run to the car and leave her ass there
#827006 +(4319)- [X]
ElGarlic: Spending your life waiting for the messiah to come save the world is like waiting around for the straight piece to come in Tetris.
ElGarlic: Even if it comes, by that time you've accumulated a mountain of shit so high that you're fucked no matter what you do.
#826453 +(1568)- [X]
<cannibal> Im playing tetris, and why won't the square pieces spin like the others?
<therion> ...
#101269 +(840)- [X]
<@Stormrider> If I got arrested and had one phone call, I'd call the police station with a bomb scare
#803904 +(5034)- [X]
<Kuiper> Well, it rained today, but as a whole it's been warmer than it was last week.
<kikuichimonji> Why does it seem like every time you join this channel, you end up talking about the weather?
<kikuichimonji> Is your life so unimaginably dull that you can't think of any events in your life to describe that might be more interesting than the weather?
<kikuichimonji> Let's think of something for you to talk about other than the weather.
<kikuichimonji> I mean, we barely even know anything about you, other than where you live.
<kikuichimonji> Let's start there. What do you do for a living?
<Kuiper> I'm a meteorologist.
-
:LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO:
:plus: some classics there. I was particularly amused by this one:
<Avery> I called AOL tech support once
<Avery> I was hungover
<Avery> and couldn't find my pants
<Avery> so I called them
<Avery> the lady told me to look under the kitchen table
<Avery> andthere they were
<Avery> how she knew that is beyond me
-
I don't know whether or not to be amused by the one about the meteorologist...
-
If you can be amused by some of the other ones then I will be happy, my reason for posting fulfilled.
-
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/fail-owned-direction-sign-metro-fail.jpg)
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/fail-owned-cow-curiosity-fail.jpg)
-
#829456 +(2662)- [X]
<TB> I was depressed last night so I called the Suicide Life Line.
<TB> I reached a call center in Pakistan.
<TB> I told them I was suicidal.
<TB> They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck
:LMAO: :plus:
-
Jack Nicholson Prank Phone Call Soundboard
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFSUtNEF6_U
-
Not really funny, but my son thought so and it took him almost ten minutes, turning red, choking on his spit and shit to tell me:
Why do most fish prefer salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Kid jokes are more fun to watch them told than the punchlines ... :lol:
-
Well this made me lol.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/36608/talkshow-with-spike-feresten-cable-psa#s
-
Not really funny, but my son thought so and it took him almost ten minutes, turning red, choking on his spit and shit to tell me:
Why do most fish prefer salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Kid jokes are more fun to watch them told than the punchlines ... :lol:
True!
My son came up with the following:
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
House!
House who?
How's you doing?
-
(http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/101708/ipod-system-error.gif)
-
Not really funny, but my son thought so and it took him almost ten minutes, turning red, choking on his spit and shit to tell me:
Why do most fish prefer salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Kid jokes are more fun to watch them told than the punchlines ... :lol:
True!
My son came up with the following:
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
House!
House who?
How's you doing?
:laugh:
My daughter used to tell this one and crack herself up laughing.
Q. What has a bottom at the top?
A. Your legs!
-
Not really funny, but my son thought so and it took him almost ten minutes, turning red, choking on his spit and shit to tell me:
Why do most fish prefer salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Kid jokes are more fun to watch them told than the punchlines ... :lol:
True!
My son came up with the following:
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
House!
House who?
How's you doing?
:laugh:
My daughter used to tell this one and crack herself up laughing.
Q. What has a bottom at the top?
A. Your legs!
That's a pretty good one! :rofl:
-
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
I'm a pile up.
I'm a pile up, who?
No, go easy on yourself, you're OK in my book.
:hahaha:
-
Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"
"A cat!" said Suzy.
"Good job! Now, what's this animal?"
"A dog!" said Ricky.
"Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."
"A horny bastard!" called out Eddie.
_________________________________________________________________________
A Rabbi and a Priest buy a car together and it's being stored at the Priest's house. One day the Rabbi goes over to use the car and he sees him sprinkling water on it. The Rabbi asked, ''What are you doing?'' The Priest responded, ''I'm blessing the car.'' So the Rabbi said ''Okay, since we're doing that....'' and takes out a hacksaw and cuts two inches off the tail pipe.
__________________________________________________________________________
''''My God! What happened to you?'''' the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
''''I got in a tiff with Riley.''''
''''Riley? He''s just a wee fellow,'''' the barkeep said, surprised. ''''He must have had something in his hand.''''
''''That he did,'''' Kelly said. ''''A shovel it was.''''
''''Dear Lord. Didn''t you have anything in your hand?''''
''''Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley''s left boob.'''' Kelly said. ''''And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight.'''
_________________________________________________________________________
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"
"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."
"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"
"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
___________________________________________________________________________
Once there were three bats. They lived in a cave surrounded by three castles. One night the bats made a bet to see who could drink the most blood.
The first bat comes home one night and has blood dripping off his fangs. The other two bats are amazed and asked how much blood he had drunk.
The first bat said, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of three people." The second bat goes out on his night and comes back with blood around his mouth. The other two bats are astonished and ask how many people's blood had he drunk. The bat said, "See that castle over there. I drank the blood of five people."
The third bat goes out on his night and comes back covered in blood. This was totally amazing to the other two bats. They ask how much blood he drank. The 3rd bat said, "See that castle over there?" and the other bats nod. "Well," says the third bat, "I didn't."
__________________________________________________________________________
George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when he tripped, fell over a bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland." George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."
The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"
The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!" George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are injured."
The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"
___________________________________________________________________________
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.
"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.
"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
-
:LMAO: :plus:
-
(http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2008/10/20/atheistbus.jpg)
-
(http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2008/10/20/atheistbus.jpg)
Awesome :D
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I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!
-
I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!
Hahahahaha.
-
A small zoo in Kentucky obtained a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to
handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem.
The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male
gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee
Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal
cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample
ability to satisfy a female of any species.
The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was
approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla
for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the
matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would
accept their offer, but only under five conditions:
'First', Bobby Lee said, 'I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips.' The
Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second', he said, 'She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt.'
The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
'Third', he said, 'you cain't never tell no one about this.' The
keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
'Fourth', Bobby Lee said, 'I want all the children raised Southern
Baptist.' Once again it was agreed..
'And last,' Bobby Lee said, 'I'll need another week to come up with the
$500.00.'
-
"Now let me ask you this. Why do you think there is a brick wall behind comedians? Maybe in the old days, there was a wolf that did comedy and he wasn’t that funny. All the old clubs had straw in the back. But the wolf would have a bad set, and then huff and puff, and fuck shit up. Then we went to sticks. And once again, he huffed and puffed, and the mother fucker fucked shit up again. Now we’re at bricks. The wolf ain’t funny, but he can’t do shit. That’s the Improv Fairytale." -Mitch Hedberg
"I got a door deal here. I’m working for 50% of the door and then tomorrow I’m working for 50% of the door. And then on Sunday I’m gonna have a…door. I think I’m gonna go with the screen door, ‘cause it’s open, but not for mosquitoes." -Mitch Hedberg
"I had a bad set here last night and they added an ‘e’ to the end of the sign." -Mitch Hedberg @ The Improv
-
"I got a belt that’s holding up my pants, but it’s heavy, so it’s weighing them down. If it weren’t for the belt, my pants would be okay. But my pants…my belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the fuck’s really going on down there? Who is the real hero?" -Mitch Hedberg
-
just found a torrent album called "discoswede"!! the concept is boggling my head off my fucking shoulders!
:LMAO: :rofl: :LMAO:
-
(http://www.i-mockery.com/bad-albums/gunther/gunther-puppy.jpg)
-
:laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFniZlwb4eQ
-
:LMAO:
-
(http://www.i-mockery.com/bad-albums/gunther/gunther-puppy.jpg)
even the fucking excuse for a dog is pouting!
:LMAO:
-
Hawt, I know. :laugh:
-
Hawt, I know. :laugh:
i'm moist.
around the eyes.
-
Hawt, I know. :laugh:
i'm moist.
around the eyes.
I know. :green:
-
Hawt, I know. :laugh:
i'm moist.
around the eyes.
I know. :green:
well, can you blame me? he's so sicksy sexy.
(yessssss! aspies CAN do outright lies!)
-
is that Daniel Powter?
-
It's Gunther the Swedish Sex God.
-
/chokes in horror.
:puke:
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(http://www.i-mockery.com/bad-albums/gunther/gunther-puppy.jpg)
It's Gunther the Swedish Sex God.
What does he fuck the dog? He looks slimy
-
Is he holding a gun to the dog? :laugh:
-
Hail Gunther! :LMAO:
-
Is he holding a gun to the dog? :laugh:
he'd have to, to get any sentient being within a mile of him. :puke:
-
Are you rapture-ready? Weird composite video; skip to 7:22 if you just want the best bit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITnxElIzDvA
-
Hail Gunther! :LMAO:
Never heard of him, but for the unbelievably stupid moustache and the costume shades, he's pretty.
I always liked bum chins on pretty boys.
:D
-
Are you rapture-ready? Weird composite video; skip to 7:22 if you just want the best bit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITnxElIzDvA
I'm sure that made him into a believer.
Believing Christians are assholes.
-
Hail Gunther! :LMAO:
Never heard of him, but for the unbelievably stupid moustache and the costume shades, he's pretty.
I always liked bum chins on pretty boys.
:D
The Gunther in action:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbk6kExKf2Q
-
/runs for the hills!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpWnpG8yXRk
-
Hail Gunther! :LMAO:
Never heard of him, but for the unbelievably stupid moustache and the costume shades, he's pretty.
I always liked bum chins on pretty boys.
:D
The Gunther in action:
:laugh:
:plus:
-
Good clean family entertainment:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BefWAuVrzCc
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpWnpG8yXRk
Not big fans of the bra in Sweden, are they?
-
The caller departs from reason in favour of more traditional and historically successful means of argument right at the end:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qs3RKZjSzYg
-
Aww... he was doing so well too :P
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(http://www.fohguild.org/forums/attachments/screenshots/91333d1224006877-funny-strange-random-pics-twenty.jpg)
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Ah, that sequence of pictures is quite captionable.
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(http://lh6.google.ca/abramsv/R3MC3kKUdgI/AAAAAAAAByA/3BvA8ZrEymk/2072857970_ec6c21f218_o.jpg?imgmax=512)
(http://lh5.ggpht.com/abramsv/SHRJUTtr33I/AAAAAAAAVJ0/EIpxIDRMhGI/s720/103_pics.jpg)
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Farmers are into some kinky shit.
-
:laugh: @ the last three.
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Farmers are into some kinky shit.
i had to mark hundreds of GCSE papers with a question about AI, and those photos have just brought all the improbable, incomprehensible, and downright insanitary responses to mind! :LMAO:
-
:laugh: Just watched the nightclub one.
(http://lh3.ggpht.com/abramsv/SI17T8WOQQI/AAAAAAAAXpw/3m8IFn8QrLE/s640/3323.jpg)
(http://lh3.ggpht.com/abramsv/SQP8ctkdZxI/AAAAAAAAiuo/0us3qBRAmug/s720/steim.jpg)
-
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
"See you next month."
-
:lol:
-
:laugh:
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/secretary_part_3.png)
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(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1264.png)
It's funny cuz it's true.
-
Lost in translation:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7702913.stm
-
:LMAO: :plus:
-
1987 U2 Mafia (The Godfather parody)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrIiIIl7jBY&feature=related
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Lost in translation:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7702913.stm
:laugh:
1987 U2 Mafia (The Godfather parody)
:laugh:
:plus:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7fPu-ywN00
-
Not particularly funny... but I thought it was impressive.
(http://www.boners.com/content/807909.1.jpg)
-
that's lovely, tesla - reminds me of some of andy goldsworthy's work. :thumbup:
-
Maybe Peaguy adminned her for more drama.
Or maybe she had sex with him.
:lol:
Good adult skills from Callaway. I'm sure your daughter is pleased. :P
I regard Gaara as a friend and I wanted to elect a staff member to make the DV board seem non-cliquish at the time.
It's no wonder the likes of Ozy are fed up with your dribble.
-
Maybe Peaguy adminned her for more drama.
Or maybe she had sex with him.
:lol:
Good adult skills from Callaway. I'm sure your daughter is pleased. :P
I regard Gaara as a friend and I wanted to elect a staff member to make the DV board seem non-cliquish at the time.
Adminning Gaara was a huge mistake on your part. She deliberately antagonized most of your other members.
I had hoped that you at least got something out of doing it.
-
someone might have posted this before, but i remembered it again the other day, and it's worth repeating...
Q. why are women so crap at distance and measurements?
A. cos we're forever being told that four inches are, in fact, eight.
:eyebrows:
-
:plus:
:LMAO:
-
someone might have posted this before, but i remembered it again the other day, and it's worth repeating...
Q. why are women so crap at distance and measurements?
A. cos we're forever being told that four inches are, in fact, eight.
:eyebrows:
:laugh:
-
OK, so why do women have nice legs?
No, you have to guess.
It's so they don't leave a trail, like a snail.
:hide:
-
(http://tastybooze.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/doppler-penis.jpg)
-
Another dick joke ...
I'm sure that we have all seen pharmaceutical advertising in doctor's offices on everything from tissues to exam table cover paper. Well, in my book, this one should have earned someone a prize....
If the light stays on for more than four hours, consult an electrician.
:LMAO:
-
Of couse, now we need a tit joke.
Why Women Can't Fix Cars
I always thought it had something to do with their fingernails braking or getting a run in their nylons!
WHO KNEW!!!
-
German cars aren't made for American women. They're made for male drug dealers from the Middle East living in Europe. At least BMW. :(
-
wHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MARMALADE AND JAM?
I can't marmalade my dick up your mum's arse.
-
if sarah palin and jeremy clarkson jumped from a tall building at exactly the same time, who would hit the ground first?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
who cares?
-
:LMAO:
-
Well, shall the white house now be called the black house?
-
Well, shall the white house now be called the black house?
I didn't know you were a card carrying member of the KKK.. ::)
-
if sarah palin and jeremy clarkson jumped from a tall building at exactly the same time, who would hit the ground first?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
who cares?
Aww no. Clarkson is a national treasure - I love Top Gear.
-
Well, shall the white house now be called the black house?
I didn't know you were a card carrying member of the KKK.. ::)
It was a joke. Chill. Got it from WP.
-
Well, shall the white house now be called the black house?
I didn't know you were a card carrying member of the KKK.. ::)
It was a joke. Chill. Got it from WP.
it was a dumb joke and the source says it all...
-
Benjamin Zephaniah - White Comedy (from 'Propa Propaganda')
I waz whitemailed
By a white witch,
Wid white magic
An white lies,
Branded by a white sheep
I slaved as a whitesmith
Near a white spot
Where I suffered whitewater fever.
Whitelisted as a whiteleg
I waz in de white book
As a master of white art,
It waz like white death.
People called me white jack
Some hailed me as a white wog,
So I joined de white watch
Trained as a white guard
Lived off the white economy.
Caught and beaten by de whiteshirts
I waz condemned to a white mass,
Don't worry,
I shall be writing to de Black House.
-
You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish, unless its a bass. :P
-
Aww no. Clarkson is a national treasure - I love Top Gear.
I'm into cars and have watched the show a fair bit, but mostly I think he's a twat.
-
Aww no. Clarkson is a national treasure - I love Top Gear.
I'm into cars and have watched the show a fair bit, but mostly I think he's a twat.
QFT.
-
.
-
In Alice Shannon we trust. :laugh:
-
Let's kick Alaska out of this country
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFNwBA4x7ek
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMRCzy0Ncig
-
Have a play kiddies:
www.superobamaworld.com
-
Kiddies, Hadron? Nice game, but I recognise it from somewhere...
-
The pregnant lady
ACTUAL COURT DOCKET 12659 ---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied,
'Well your Honour, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus,
I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,'
And I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honour,
when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it.'
'CASE DISMISSED!!'
-
part 1: http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000046.php (http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000046.php)
part 2: http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000700.php (http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000700.php)
-
part 1: http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000046.php (http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000046.php)
part 2: http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000700.php (http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000700.php)
Tastes like chicken.
:plus:
-
Satire, or not... you decide.
"Get out of America, atheists!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GcBPRYkAj8
-
Many many plusses.
-
Dr. Seuss Explains Computers:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot it and go out with a bang, 'cause as sure as I'm a poet, your system's gonna hang.
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, when you have to flash your memory and try to RAM your ROM, quickly turn off the computer and be sure to call your Mom!!
-
This is not particularly intellectual but it made me laugh:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1890189
-
Dr. Seuss Explains Computers:
:LMAO:
-
Dr. Seuss Explains Computers:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot it and go out with a bang, 'cause as sure as I'm a poet, your system's gonna hang.
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, when you have to flash your memory and try to RAM your ROM, quickly turn off the computer and be sure to call your Mom!!
:laugh: :plus:
-
Light bulb Jokes
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with multicoloured clocks.
How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, but they have released a leaflet called "coping with darkness"
How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it.
OR
None. Zen masters carry their own light
OR
Three. Two to fetch the wood and one to enlighten the novice.
OR EVEN
A tree in a Golden Forest
How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to stand on a chair and change it and one to say "I wish I was up there !"
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the light bulb has to want to change.
A: One.
Q: How many psychics does it take to change a light bulb ?
How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle... ... and one to change the bulb.
How many amoebas does it take to change a light bulb?
one..no, two!..no, four!...no, eight!
How many voyeurs does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they'd much rather watch someone else do it
How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He just puts it in the socket and the world revolves around him.
How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
-
.
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"Let's get ready to rumble"
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/004-16.jpg)
-
Light bulb Jokes
another one to add to your collection, renaeden:
how many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?
.
.
.
.
.
.
into what?
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/experimentation.png)
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/experimentation.png)
Ummmm. I don't get it. :autism:
-
A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought
of one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab.
He popped into a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl
calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo.
She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy
hair, long graceful legs all the way up to her..... you know the kind.
He copied down the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the
room he figures, what the hell, give her a call.
'Hello?' the woman says. God, she sounded sexy
'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and
give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone
and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it
now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it.
Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot
and heavy all night; Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup
and whipped cream, anything you want baby.
Now, how does that sound?'
She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press '9'
-
...She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press '9'
:LMAO:
:plus:
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/experimentation.png)
Ummmm. I don't get it. :autism:
Well, it sounds like the experimental design was as follows:
H1: Lesbian
H0: Not lesbian
Dependent variable: Sexual pleasure
Independent variable: Gender of sexual partner, with at least three levels (female, male [control A], male [control B])
If the DV was higher with the female sexual partners* I would assume that could potentially cause the experimenter to reject the null. However, as she is currently with a male sexual partner, it seems likely that the DV was not higher with female sexual partners, and she did not reject the null. Nor did she reject much of anything else.
*in typical xkcd style the mouseover on the comic web site informs us that this experiment used a large n
-
OHHH! I actually loled. :laugh:
-
People selling wiccan spell bangs on ebay.
http://contact.ebay.com/ws1/eBayISAPI.dll?ShowEmailAuctionToFriend&item=120334634126
or
http://cgi.ebay.com/WICCAN-LOST-SPELLS-121-YRS-OLD-Money-Love-Luck-etc_W0QQitemZ120334634126QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item120334634126&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1205|66%3A2|65%3A12|39%3A1|240%3A1309
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This is actually one of the most retarded things on ebay I have ever seen.
http://cgi.ebay.com/USED-HALF-ROLL-OF-SOFT-TOILET-PAPER-LIGHT-BLUE-2-PLY_W0QQitemZ250326735526QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item250326735526&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1205|66%3A2|65%3A12|39%3A1|240%3A1318
This is equally retarded, if not moreso.
http://cgi.ebay.com/Send-a-Holiday-Greeting-on-MY-BEER-GUT_W0QQitemZ120336867658QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item120336867658&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1205|66%3A2|65%3A12|39%3A1|240%3A1318
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This is actually one of the most retarded things on ebay I have ever seen.
http://cgi.ebay.com/USED-HALF-ROLL-OF-SOFT-TOILET-PAPER-LIGHT-BLUE-2-PLY_W0QQitemZ250326735526QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item250326735526&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1205|66%3A2|65%3A12|39%3A1|240%3A1318
This is equally retarded, if not moreso.
http://cgi.ebay.com/Send-a-Holiday-Greeting-on-MY-BEER-GUT_W0QQitemZ120336867658QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item120336867658&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1205|66%3A2|65%3A12|39%3A1|240%3A1318
Now that is getting sick. :plus:
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Buying A Bull
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde."
"She'll read it very slow."
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When E-mail Responses Go Bad
In an article posted on Friday, the BBC explained that in Wales, all official road signs must be bilingual -- both in English and Welsh. Typically, the English wording for a sign is sent via e-mail to a Welsh council for translation. In this case a sign that read (in English) "No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential site only." The Welsh council sent a reply, in Welsh. The problem was it was a reply meant for the author of the original email, not for the sign.
The Welsh reads: "I am not in the office at the moment. Please send any work to be translated."
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From another forum, fuck knows who the guy is:
The most embarrassing moment of my life
Well, I was sitting at my comp knocking one out over a mildly erotic picture of a celebrity who shall remain nameless, raging stonker in hand, picture on monitor. In those days my comp was at the back of my room, so that the screen was facing anyone who came in. Well, there I was, rapidly approaching the golden moment, my ears on high alert as I listened out for my ma, who was downstairs doing something or other in the kitchen. I thought all was safe and my ma was busy washing the pots or something so I let myself go past the point of no return and felt the creamy goodness rising from my love-nuggets. I’d heard the phone ring a few moments before and just as I was about to start spurting I heard some footsteps coming up the stairs. By then it was too late for my to stop the orgasm so I just had to go with it.
My room is a little box room extension and you have to walk through another room to get to mine. So, I hear the door of the next room open and the footsteps getting closer. I’m still there, cock in hand, and by then I was shooting the good stuff all over the place. Just my luck that I had to have been building up a mammoth load as well, rather than a weedy little drip or two. Everyone with a cock knows that once it starts, there’s no way you’re gonna stop it, and you’re basically paralysed until it’s over, so I could hardly do anything to hide what was happening. For some reason my priority at the time was to minimise the photo on the screen, a complete school boy error, since it gave my old man an extra couple of seconds to cover me in jism before I eventually stuffed him away. Really bad decision, but I didn’t know what the fuck to do cos I was panicking so much.
I was in a right fucking state by the time my bedroom door opened and my mum stood at the door telling me my bro wanted to speak to me on the phone, I couldn’t have made more of a mess of myself if I’d tried. My shorts and t- shirt were fucking covered in the stuff.
Anyhoo, she came and stood next to me and passed me the phone and stood there listening to the conversation. It was only when I took the phone from her that I realised I had fat, creamy strings of jizz all over my fingers and hand as well. Apparently she hadn’t noticed any of it cos she stood there for a good while longer listening to the conversation. All the time I just wanted to cry I was so mortified. Anyhoo, she eventually must have noticed the jizz all over me (I was wearing a red t shirt as well, so it stood out like a beaut), and she looked at my clothes with a disapproving, half-disgusted look on her face. Then she took the phone off me and walked out (I hope I hadn’t left any jizz on it). I think I did actually shed a few tears afterwards as well, cos I was so fucking embarrassed.
And that’s my far too long story. Thankyou please.
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Dude failed miserably.
-
Sounds like something Pea would do actually. :laugh:
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There needs to be a ED article about Spokane. Here is what I have in mind so far:
Spokane is the second largest city between Seattle and Minneapolis. It is one of the sucky cities in the world, but yet the best because Johnny Depp was there of all time for the shooting of a lame movie Benny & Joon. There are hardly any jobs there and nothing to do except looking at the movie locations from the movie, they couldn't afford a zoo so they had to shut it down in 1932 and then they had another one in Spokane Valley but shut that down too because they didn't have the money to take care of the animals. In 1991, a sucky zoo opened in Newport and has been opened ever since.
The World's Fair was held in Spokane in 1974 and were stupid to tear down the exhibits after it ended. They realized their mistake and had to rebuild the IMAX theater and turned the site into a park which is now RiverFront Park. Their amusement park there sucks since it only has a very few rides but it's something the Spokaners like doing since it's the only park they can go to for rides.
Yes I have insulted my favorite city and it's meant to be offensive to all the Spokaners.
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I thought this was funny. Taken at the B&J house when I stopped in Spokane. Seeing the sign was an invite for me to walk on her property and take the picture.
(http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i156/likedcalico/Benny%20and%20Joon%20locations/53400004.jpg)
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Can't remember if I have posted this...
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/fail-owned-newspaper-infidelity-911-fail.jpg)
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/fail-owned-pizza-hut-has-pizza-obvious-fail.jpg)
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/fail-owned-ice-like-water-sign-fail.jpg)
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(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1283.png)
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(http://www.canucklehead.ca/_Media/grannyletter1_large.jpeg)
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An add I saw on MySpace just now- it was animated, but you get the gist. I wasn't aware that there were career-specific yoga poses.
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:thumbup:
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(http://www.shoeboxblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/turkey-letter.jpg)
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Two blondes walk back from the beach to find that the car doors are locked and that the keys are still in the ignition. One whips out her cell phone and says, "Here! Call your boyfriend! He has a spare key, and he'll be here in no time at all!"
"He'd better hurry," says the other. "I'd like to get the top up before it starts raining."
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Old Man From “Home Alone” Says He Didn’t Know He Was in Movie
http://thehollywoodham.com/wordpress/?p=116
Local snow shoveler and resident creepy old man, Old Man Marley, was met with a surprise when flipping channels this week. He saw himself on TV in a film unknown to him. Home Alone.
ABC Family kicked off its holiday programming with a showing of Home Alone, the classic Macaulay Culkin film. Marley, a scary old man, had yet to see this uplifting comedy and was shocked to find he had an integral role.
Marley had been oblivious to Home Alone, released in 1990, and its popularity for 18 years.
“I never owned a TV until this year,” Marley admitted. “I had just made enough money from shoveling snow to afford a television set and the first night I turn it on, it’s like I’m looking in a mirror.”
It took Marley nearly a half hour to realize he was not actually looking into a mirror.
“When they showed the reunion I had with my son, I had an inkling something was fishy,” Marley said. The incident in question occurred nearly 19 years ago after a local troublemaker suggested he contact his estranged son.
When questioned about misleading an old man, Home Alone director Chis Columbus did not deny the allegations.
“Yeah, the second unit just started following him around,” Columbus said. “When we realized we could use the footage, we got around having him sign a release form by telling him it was a ’snow shoveling contract.’ That guy loved shoveling snow.”
Since learning of his celebrity status, Marley has given up on his life-long career and has decided to follow his acting aspirations. He’s currently holding out hope that there will be a sequel.
And a few people actually believed it.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099785/board/thread/123593318?d=123612368&p=1#123612368
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fF2dnHHB3Po
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rrtM_YgpwE&feature=related
Funny, cute. Try to play them both at the same time for great justice.
And then this one. What a cool fucking cat!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x47vAoY8Gs4&feature=related
And the finale. Cat lovers rejoice!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wvo-g_JvURI&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlvShdmpZHY&feature=related
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Sorry i advance for this.. :zombiefuck:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWKV4uC9qpM&feature=related
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Kevin McCallister's myspace page:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=65665676
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A different kind of periodic table:
-
Russia is nooo threat.
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If Santa answered his mail honestly.
http://www.unfabulouz.com/2008/12/if-santa-answered-his-mail-honestly.html
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(http://s3.amazonaws.com/readers/2008/12/03/nothingwilleverhappenwiththis_1.jpg)
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A very short Home Alone parody.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beZfM4mrjP4
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This is from memory, so not an exact quote:
"I don't understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal! Fucking is legal! So why the hell isn't selling fucking legal? Why do you go to jail for selling something that is perfectly legal to give away? Of all the things you could do to somebody, giving 'em an orgasm isn't the worst. In the Army, they give you a medal for dropping Nepalm on somebody. You go to jail in this country for giving someone an orgasm. Maybe I'm not supposed to understand it." -George Carlin
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A different kind of periodic table:
This must have been taken directly out of my brain.
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Cars can have incontinence.
http://www.dailydiapers.com/board/index.php?showtopic=14179&st=0&gopid=169049&#entry169049
My car is also incontinent when I pour in the window washer fluid. :laugh:
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> Subject: Qantas gripes
>
> After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,
> called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about
> problems with the aircraft.
>
> The mechanics correct the problems, document their
> repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe
> sheets before the next flight.
>
> Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
> humour.
>
> Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted
> by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
> recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
>
> By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has
> never had an Accident.
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
> per minute descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what they're for.
>
> P: IFF inoperative.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
> serious.
>
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
>
> And the best one for last..................
>
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel . Sounds
> like a midget pounding on something with hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget.
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Subject: A cure for snoring
Six blokes go on a hunting trip.
Their tents only have room for two men in each.
No one wanted to sleep in the same tent as Daryl because he snored so badly.
They decided it wasn't fair for just one of them share with Daryl the whole time, so they decided to take turns.
The first bloke to sleep in Daryl's tent comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes bloodshot.
His mates ask, 'Crikey, what happened?'
He answers, 'Daryl snored so bloody loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.'
The next night it was a different bloke's turn.
The following morning, same thing, his hair is all standing up and his eyes are bloodshot.
His mates ask, 'Gees, what happened to you? You look awful!'
He says, 'Bloody Daryl shakes the roof. I just sat and watched him all night, I couldn't sleep.'
The third night was Frank's turn.
Frank was a big, burly, ex-footballer; a man's man.
The next morning he comes to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
'Good morning,' he says cheerfully.
His mates can't believe it.
They ask, 'Blimey, what happened?'
Frank says, 'Well, we got ready for bed. I went over tucked Daryl into bed patted his arse and kissed him good night.
Then he sat up and watched me all night
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In 1974 the Consumer Product Safety Commission had to recall 80,000 of its own lapel buttons promoting "toy safety", because the buttons had sharp edges, used lead paint, and had small clips that could be broken off and subsequently swallowed.
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Here's a ditty that my older cousin taught me when I was in 4th or 5th grade.
The Ballad of Pissball Pete
There was a girl named Sally Brown
who claimed no man could fuck her down
When over the hill came Pissball Pete
with 50 pounds of hanging meat
He put her down in the grass
and fucked her in the ass
But Sally was smart
and cut a fart
and blew his balls all apart
And over the hill went Pissball Pete
with 50 pounds of shredded meat
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Healthy Eating.
St Peter took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.
A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled the old man.
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.
That's the best part,' St. Peter replied.
'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick.
This is Heaven!'
The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or....'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'
The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your f**king Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!'
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I have no idea what this means ...
(http://lh4.ggpht.com/abramsv/SJU_WWs9PLI/AAAAAAAAX9M/aD8eiIwdwmI/s1600/qwttertertr.jpg)
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I have no idea what this means ...
(http://lh4.ggpht.com/abramsv/SJU_WWs9PLI/AAAAAAAAX9M/aD8eiIwdwmI/s1600/qwttertertr.jpg)
You mean the last joke? The guy is saying to his wife if it was wasnt for healthy eating: Bran Flakes they'd be less healthy and die 10 years sooner to enjoy utopia. If yopu're talking aboput something else please disregard.
-
He posted a weird picture, but it didn't display on my browser and I had to quote the post to find the link to it.
-
If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime..what the hell does a freedom fighter fight.
-
If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime..what the hell does a freedom fighter fight.
Woodchucks?
-
He posted a weird picture, but it didn't display on my browser and I had to quote the post to find the link to it.
Yeah, I totally get the heaven joke.
The stupid pic I posted makes no sense, but it makes me laugh just looking at it. I don't know why. It's stupid.
-
If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime..what the hell does a freedom fighter fight.
Woodchucks?
Nunchucks?
-
Disney meets Nightwish
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03XbVH5Rs84 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03XbVH5Rs84)
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If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime..what the hell does a freedom fighter fight.
Woodchucks?
Nunchucks?
Yeah, more likely.
-
Peter Cook
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDId8LBlXEk
-
How not to pick up guys:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1796914
"Don't touch her; if you do you'll catch something. Yeah, you will; I did!"
-
Prelude to cupchicks.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1796348
-
:laugh:
-
A woman asks the teller in the Post Office for stamps for her Christmas cards.
The teller asks "What denomination?".
The woman thinks for a second and says "Give me twenty Catholic & ten Presbyterian.
-
A doctor calls his patient and says, "I have really bad news and some even worse news."
The patient says, "OK, so give me the bad news first and then the worse news."
The doc, says, "The really bad news is that you only have twenty four hours to live."
Patient says, "OMG! This is the worst news anyone could ever have! What could possibly be worse than this?"
Doc stammers a little and finally admits, "The even worse news is that I should have called you yesterday. Goodbye."
bedside manner fail!
I know we've all heard this, but it is how I gfeel. I'm not a doctor, I'm a patient..
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(http://www.somethingpositive.net/arch/sp05132002.gif)
I've actually done this to a guy. To be fair, at the time I didn't realize that he had been intending to ask me out that night. Probably didn't help his self-confidence much.
-
I just found this funny because I am amazed by people here in Portland do not know how to drive in the snow. Don't they learn from their mistakes? We have gotten snow before about every year in the past so how can they not know how? We don't plow roads here or salt them but yet people still try to leave their houses in their cars instead of staying home. Places close and people don't go into work due to being snowed in so why go anywhere? Walk to places nearby. We do plow roads a little but but we don't have much plows here. C'mon I have been driving for eight years but have been driving in the snow for six years so I know how. After almost sliding into the barb wire fence when I was 17, I sure learned to drive slower in the snow. Sadly the tracks were left to tell my parents what I did but no action was taken. I guess they figured I learned my lesson and will drive slower next time in that weather.
Yes this video is for real, not fake dumb ass behavior. It was on the news.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMzeiMJQrvk&feature=related
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http://www.toohipfortheroom.com/scifi/songs/The%20Ballad%20of%20Boba%20Fett.mp3 (http://www.toohipfortheroom.com/scifi/songs/The%20Ballad%20of%20Boba%20Fett.mp3)
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In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University with scholarships in animal behavior.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot and nuzzled against him.
The elephant stepped back, turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, terrified, thinking of nothing else but being trampled to death. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, touched Peter with its trunk, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. He included this experience in his doctorate thesis, even.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teen aged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, reached toward him with its trunk, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, decided to skip making proper arrangements with the zoo staff, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the huge bull elephant and stared back in expectant wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, raised his leg up then stomped it down, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, rupturing his skull and killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same fucking elephant.
This is for all you dipshit wankers who continually send me those fucking ridiculous, heart-warming, bullshit stories about identifying with various forms of animal life. How the fuck did I become some kind of hub for all these cutesy animal stories!! FFS!!!??!!
MOTHERFUCKERS??!??!
I love animals and I do have a connection to some of them, but FUCKING FORGET IT!! I have my stories, but keep yours to yourself!! Get the fuck out of my head and lose my email addy!!!!!!
I changed my email to NON-public view on every forum I visit.
Bastards!!.
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http://www.toohipfortheroom.com/scifi/songs/The%20Ballad%20of%20Boba%20Fett.mp3 (http://www.toohipfortheroom.com/scifi/songs/The%20Ballad%20of%20Boba%20Fett.mp3)
Speaking of which,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsryQOMcDy4
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(http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/CofE2.png) (http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/jehovahs1.png)
(http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/BornAgain.png) (http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Scientologist.png)
(http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Catholic.png) (http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Muslim.png)
(http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Hindu.png) (http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Humanist.png)
(http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Agnostic.png) (http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Buddhist.png)
(http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/OrthodoxJewish.png) (http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Zoroastrian.png)
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A web site about the dangers of Dihydrogen monoxide
http://www.dhmo.org/facts.html
-
Barbie jewelry site so freaky stuff
http://www.margauxlange.com/portfolio.html
-
Some of those bastards have kept my email.
:grrr:
NO MORE!!
-
Get a free cooking guide with every Nintendo DS Lite! I've no idea what they have to do with each other; is there a cooking game on the DS Lite?
-
Someone's taking the piss: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/nottinghamshire/7798194.stm
:lol:
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:laugh:
-
Timelord's site Phil's World and I get this:
GO AWAY
You are not permitted to view this website.
Your IP - (my IP address here) - has been banned as it has been used by a person or persons who represent a threat to the mental health of the owner of this website - or it has been identified as a proxy.
If you have been caught accidentally, please contact the owner through the contact facility;
http://philsworld-d.proboards81.com/
A message to Joeker - STAY AWAY FROM MY WEBSITE! If that was you that I caught and have now blocked. You are banned from here and that is the end of the matter.
A threat to the mental health of the owner of the website. :LMAO:
If you have been caught accidently, please contact the owner through the contact facility. But I am banned, how can I? Hypocrite. :lol:
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And he thinks everything he does is perfectly justified and normal.
If only he could see himself through our eyes. :laugh:
-
A couple of days ago I was at my in-laws with the wife and kids and we were all in the den hanging out after opening presents. I was very tired and had stretched out on a recliner for an hour or so. When I decided it was time to get up, I closed up the recliner, leaned back to get some momentum, and propelled myself up and out of the chair. The problem was that my pants had some how come loose and fell down around my ankles. I was wearing medical scrubs with no underwear underneath. Right in front of my in-laws (father, mother, sister, brother, and nephews), as well as my wife and kids.
I will never live this down. :-[
-
NO, no laughing!!!
this is wromg!!!
-
:laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvTJxMPzJlo
-
:laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYzCgDyRjVE
-
In some instances, it seems the Asperger male (or female for that matter), is really no different from the neurotypical after all. The interest in porn is a perfect example. But the Asperger’s interest is not just about getting to rate the boobs of the day. The Asperger will use porn for academic purposes or to obsess with a particular body part that may be a special interest. If there were more doctorate programs in pornography, we’d have more Kinseys than we’d know what to do with. As the Asperger studies porn, he chooses to major in a particular area and ask such deep questions as,”How could a woman have such ripped abs?” if he is into muscular/bodybuilder/he-she like ladies. Some Aspies mistakenly think they can learn about relationships from porn, but soon realize there is nothing further from the truth. How on earth can they get to know each other? There’s never any talking going on in these things.
An HBO movie might incite statements from the neurotypical such as, “No way, man! No one has a penis that big,” or “How would you make a sex toy that big anyway?” This is where the Asperger, armed with all the information he has obtained from studying “101 Factos about sex toys”, comes in to rescue the undereducated and horny neurotypical. “The sex toys are made from molds of an actual penis. There is a clay mix you add water to and stir. It is similar to making dental casts. You can even order them online and mix them in your own kitchen with a regular bowl and spoon.”
At this point in the conversation, the neurotypical men mentally note: Dude, never eat at this guy’s house again!
“Once the mix is complete,” the Asperger continues, “you place the erect penis in the clay, allow it to cool, remove your penis, pour liquid into the mold, and ta da! You have created a dildo.”
The neurotypical men are having an extreme WTF moment now, probably due to both the Asperger’s explanation and the amount of alcohol consumed. This is obviously more than they signed up for when the rented Vicky Vixen. The insecure, jealous, and paranoid neurotypical will start to wonder and be convinced that the only way the Asperger could possibly know all this information is if he is the model on which all sex toys are crafted from. To this speculation, the Asperger will decide that some rumors are best left undenied.
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This incident occurred during the filming of THE CHARGE OF THE LIGHT BRIGADE (1936).
Michael Curtiz, the director of the film (best known for CASABLANCA), was Hungarian-born and, shall we say, somewhat English-challenged. So, to set up a scene in which a number of riderless horses were supposed to stampede--symbolizing the number of soldiers lost in this famously lopsided battle--Curtiz gave the order to "bring on the empty horses." Errol Flynn and David Niven, the stars of the film, practically died laughing.
Enraged, Curtiz yelled at them, "You and your stinking English! You think I know fuck nothing! Well, let me tell you--I know fuck all!!!"
-
:laugh:
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Fractal Wrongness:
The state of being wrong at every conceivable scale of resolution. That is, from a distance, a fractally wrong person's worldview is incorrect; and furthermore, if you zoom in on any small part of that person's worldview, that part is just as wrong as the whole worldview.
Debating with a person who is fractally wrong leads to infinite regress, as every refutation you make of that person's opinions will lead to a rejoinder, full of half-truths, leaps of logic, and outright lies, that requires just as much refutation to debunk as the first one. It is as impossible to convince a fractally wrong person of anything as it is to walk around the edge of the Mandelbrot set in finite time.
If you ever get embroiled in a discussion with a fractally wrong person on the Internet — in mailing lists, newsgroups, or website forums — your best bet is to say your piece once and ignore any replies, thus saving yourself time.
-
In some instances, it seems the Asperger male (or female for that matter), is really no different from the neurotypical after all. The interest in porn is a perfect example. But the Asperger’s interest is not just about getting to rate the boobs of the day. The Asperger will use porn for academic purposes or to obsess with a particular body part that may be a special interest. If there were more doctorate programs in pornography, we’d have more Kinseys than we’d know what to do with. As the Asperger studies porn, he chooses to major in a particular area and ask such deep questions as,”How could a woman have such ripped abs?” if he is into muscular/bodybuilder/he-she like ladies. Some Aspies mistakenly think they can learn about relationships from porn, but soon realize there is nothing further from the truth. How on earth can they get to know each other? There’s never any talking going on in these things.
An HBO movie might incite statements from the neurotypical such as, “No way, man! No one has a penis that big,” or “How would you make a sex toy that big anyway?” This is where the Asperger, armed with all the information he has obtained from studying “101 Factos about sex toys”, comes in to rescue the undereducated and horny neurotypical. “The sex toys are made from molds of an actual penis. There is a clay mix you add water to and stir. It is similar to making dental casts. You can even order them online and mix them in your own kitchen with a regular bowl and spoon.”
At this point in the conversation, the neurotypical men mentally note: Dude, never eat at this guy’s house again!
“Once the mix is complete,” the Asperger continues, “you place the erect penis in the clay, allow it to cool, remove your penis, pour liquid into the mold, and ta da! You have created a dildo.”
The neurotypical men are having an extreme WTF moment now, probably due to both the Asperger’s explanation and the amount of alcohol consumed. This is obviously more than they signed up for when the rented Vicky Vixen. The insecure, jealous, and paranoid neurotypical will start to wonder and be convinced that the only way the Asperger could possibly know all this information is if he is the model on which all sex toys are crafted from. To this speculation, the Asperger will decide that some rumors are best left undenied.
Ha.. haha HAHAHA! Oh man. Thanks for that one peter. I laughed and laughed.
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Fractal Wrongness:
The state of being wrong at every conceivable scale of resolution. That is, from a distance, a fractally wrong person's worldview is incorrect; and furthermore, if you zoom in on any small part of that person's worldview, that part is just as wrong as the whole worldview.
Debating with a person who is fractally wrong leads to infinite regress, as every refutation you make of that person's opinions will lead to a rejoinder, full of half-truths, leaps of logic, and outright lies, that requires just as much refutation to debunk as the first one. It is as impossible to convince a fractally wrong person of anything as it is to walk around the edge of the Mandelbrot set in finite time.
If you ever get embroiled in a discussion with a fractally wrong person on the Internet — in mailing lists, newsgroups, or website forums — your best bet is to say your piece once and ignore any replies, thus saving yourself time.
quoted for aptness. :lol:
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I thought some people might recognize it. :laugh:
-
I thought some people might recognize it. :laugh:
I thought it was good, but where's it from?
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcxhOGyrCtI&feature=related
I'm lovin it. :green: :green: :green:
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Fractal Wrongness:
The state of being wrong at every conceivable scale of resolution. That is, from a distance, a fractally wrong person's worldview is incorrect; and furthermore, if you zoom in on any small part of that person's worldview, that part is just as wrong as the whole worldview.
Debating with a person who is fractally wrong leads to infinite regress, as every refutation you make of that person's opinions will lead to a rejoinder, full of half-truths, leaps of logic, and outright lies, that requires just as much refutation to debunk as the first one. It is as impossible to convince a fractally wrong person of anything as it is to walk around the edge of the Mandelbrot set in finite time.
If you ever get embroiled in a discussion with a fractally wrong person on the Internet — in mailing lists, newsgroups, or website forums — your best bet is to say your piece once and ignore any replies, thus saving yourself time.
I knew some fractally wrong Jehova's witnesses. Whenever I debunked one piece of nonsense, it was 'vindicated' by the next layer of nonsense. Just about every aspect of their understanding of the universe was wrong, and it made it impossible to demonstrate to them the wrongness of any one part of their mental model of reality.
-
Fractal Wrongness:
The state of being wrong at every conceivable scale of resolution. That is, from a distance, a fractally wrong person's worldview is incorrect; and furthermore, if you zoom in on any small part of that person's worldview, that part is just as wrong as the whole worldview.
Debating with a person who is fractally wrong leads to infinite regress, as every refutation you make of that person's opinions will lead to a rejoinder, full of half-truths, leaps of logic, and outright lies, that requires just as much refutation to debunk as the first one. It is as impossible to convince a fractally wrong person of anything as it is to walk around the edge of the Mandelbrot set in finite time.
If you ever get embroiled in a discussion with a fractally wrong person on the Internet — in mailing lists, newsgroups, or website forums — your best bet is to say your piece once and ignore any replies, thus saving yourself time.
I knew some fractally wrong Jehova's witnesses. Whenever I debunked one piece of nonsense, it was 'vindicated' by the next layer of nonsense. Just about every aspect of their understanding of the universe was wrong, and it made it impossible to demonstrate to them the wrongness of any one part of their mental model of reality.
Oh now I understand. You mean someone with blinders on.
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This cracked me up.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4732283/4/How_Benny_Found_Out
Ben came into work very moody. He secretly wanted to rip Sam’s head off for impregnating his Sister, but refrain knowing how much it would hurt Joon if he killed Sam. Plus, he wasn’t really up for going to jail.
Once he saw Mike that was it, it was time to talk bad about Sam behind his back. “ Mike?” Ben yelled.
Mike was on break and said “ Ben, remember this is my break time.”
Ben said “ I know. I’m not trying to get you back to work, I need to talk to you.”
Ben sat down beside Mike and said “ Well, that stupid cousin of your knows how to do one thing right.”
“ What could he possibly do right? He can’t even read.” Mike said.
“ He knows how to have sex.” Ben said.
Mike replied shocked “ Ben, please back away from me. I didn’t know you were gay.”
Ben laughed and said “ No, I’m not gay. He knocked Joon up.”
“ What, he couldn’t possibly and Joon wouldn’t have sex with the housekeeper!” Mike said.
Ben said “ Well, apparently for six months she has been sleeping with Sam behind my back.”
“ Ben, you got to know she is a grown woman and saying that she has been sleeping with him behind your back makes you sound like your into incest.” Mike said.
“ Mike, your sick. I’m just trying to protect her is all and obliviously that failed because Joon is going to be a Mother.” Ben said.
“ What she’s keeping it?!” Mike said.
“ Yes.” Ben said.
“ She is really crazy.” Mike said, only to receive a dirty look from Ben.
Then Ben left and got to work.
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I went for beer and when I left, I noticed my, arguably-brighter-than-the-average-lamppost, youngish neighbor was toiling with the frozen snow that covered his car.
I returned to find he had not made any headway, but had shed his jacket. It's not really cold, but well below freezing, after a day of rain, then snow followed by rapidly falling temperatures.
This punk had placed a special -made carpet remnant that he had cut to fit perfectly around his windshield and doors, presumably to make getting away quickly in the snow legions easier. It was frozen solidly into a crystalline rock which made it nearly impossible for him to breach the interior. He only had one small corner pried loose after half an hour. I discovered this and told him that the only way he will get that thing off was to start the car and allow it to warm up from the inside, but his (only other access) hatchback was broken and would NOT open.
:LMAO:
Don't ever do that in Indiana. The horrible orchestra that becomes Indiana weather is NOT just one solo instrument.
He's going to be over an hour late to party with his friends.
:D
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I thought some people might recognize it. :laugh:
I thought it was good, but where's it from?
I meant recognize people to whom it applies.
I don't know the source. I spent a few minutes trying to google it, because it's quoted in lots of places, but there were no references to an original.
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I went for beer and when I left, I noticed my, arguably-brighter-than-the-average-lamppost, youngish neighbor was toiling with the frozen snow that covered his car.
I returned to find he had not made any headway, but had shed his jacket. It's not really cold, but well below freezing, after a day of rain, then snow followed by rapidly falling temperatures.
This punk had placed a special -made carpet remnant that he had cut to fit perfectly around his windshield and doors, presumably to make getting away quickly in the snow legions easier. It was frozen solidly into a crystalline rock which made it nearly impossible for him to breach the interior. He only had one small corner pried loose after half an hour. I discovered this and told him that the only way he will get that thing off was to start the car and allow it to warm up from the inside, but his (only other access) hatchback was broken and would NOT open.
:LMAO:
Don't ever do that in Indiana. The horrible orchestra that becomes Indiana weather is NOT just one solo instrument.
He's going to be over an hour late to party with his friends.
:D
You caught my attention because you said indiana. I cannot bring myself to read your big post though. I am in an angry mood, and I am spastically doing pushups and situps, based on the adrenaline pumping through my veins at any given moment. Can you give me a summary?
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Smart guy (young neighbor) with specially cut, "snow protecting" carpet frozen around front of car=funny.
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Smart guy (young neighbor) with specially cut, "snow protecting" carpet frozen around front of car=funny.
He has carpet frozen on the front of the car so it protects it from snow?
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No, kind of the reverse. He thought it would be easier to leave quickly after snow, by putting the carpet in place and peeling it way just before he took off.
It got rained on, snowed on, then really cold and the carpet turned into a rock, welded to the front of his car.
That was several hours ago. I just looked - he had given up. Carpet is still there.
What about Indiana would attract your atttention?
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Smart guy (young neighbor) with specially cut, "snow protecting" carpet frozen around front of car=funny.
He has carpet frozen on the front of the car so it protects it from snow?
Aggh. You prolly think I am a dork. I'll quote and correct myself.
I'm not trying to be funny, I just don't get it. Someone FROZE some CARPET onto the front of their vehicle?
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No, kind of the reverse. He thought it would be easier to leave quickly after snow, by putting the carpet in place and peeling it way just before he took off.
It got rained on, snowed on, then really cold and the carpet turned into a rock, welded to the front of his car.
That was several hours ago. I just looked - he had given up. Carpet is still there.
What about Indiana would attract your atttention?
Ohhh OHH ya ok. Aww drag man duuude.
I live in indiana right now and the weather is fucking wierd. I can understand how that shit would get frozen on there. I thought you meant he did that on purpose.
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Smart guy (young neighbor) with specially cut, "snow protecting" carpet frozen around front of car=funny.
He has carpet frozen on the front of the car so it protects it from snow?
Aggh. You prolly think I am a dork. I'll quote and correct myself.
I'm not trying to be funny, I just don't get it. Someone FROZE some CARPET onto the front of their vehicle?
yes, only it was not meant to do that. He wasn't expecting it to be so cold so quickly.
I just think it's funny.
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No, kind of the reverse. He thought it would be easier to leave quickly after snow, by putting the carpet in place and peeling it way just before he took off.
It got rained on, snowed on, then really cold and the carpet turned into a rock, welded to the front of his car.
That was several hours ago. I just looked - he had given up. Carpet is still there.
What about Indiana would attract your atttention?
Ohhh OHH ya ok. Aww drag man duuude.
I live in indiana right now ant the weather is fucking wierd. I can understand how that shit would get frozen on there. I thought you meant he did that on purpose.
No, he cut it out to fit snugly and keep the snow off his windows, but the temperature dropped pretty fast after a soaking rain and the things is stuck there, now.
:D
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No, kind of the reverse. He thought it would be easier to leave quickly after snow, by putting the carpet in place and peeling it way just before he took off.
It got rained on, snowed on, then really cold and the carpet turned into a rock, welded to the front of his car.
That was several hours ago. I just looked - he had given up. Carpet is still there.
What about Indiana would attract your atttention?
Ohhh OHH ya ok. Aww drag man duuude.
I live in indiana right now ant the weather is fucking wierd. I can understand how that shit would get frozen on there. I thought you meant he did that on purpose.
No, he cut it out to fit snugly and keep the snow off his windows, but the temperature dropped pretty fast after a soaking rain and the things is stuck there, now.
:D
Man that shit is NOT coming off then. At least tonight. Where are you guys in indiana if you don't mind me asking?
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Where in Indiana do you live?
(Do I need to hide? I'm not inclined to actually meet people, BTW.)
I live near Indianapolis.
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Where in Indiana do you live?
(Do I need to hide? I'm not inclined to actually meet people, BTW.)
I live near Indianapolis.
I'm not gonna come beat you up man. Its cool. I live in southern indiana, in between hanover and lexington. Its CALLED lexington but whatever.
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The funniest part of that whole ice/carpet thing is that he could easily just start the car and let it warm up, then peel the thing off, but it's a two-door hatchback and both side doors are covered by the carpet and his hatchback doesn't work.
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Where in Indiana do you live?
(Do I need to hide? I'm not inclined to actually meet people, BTW.)
I live near Indianapolis.
I'm not gonna come beat you up man. Its cool. I live in southern indiana, in between hanover and lexington. Its CALLED lexington but whatever.
Even when I used to try to meet people, I did not like getting beat up, so, no go!
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The funniest part of that whole ice/carpet thing is that he could easily just start the car and let it warm up, then peel the thing off, but it's a two-door hatchback and both side doors are covered by the carpet and his hatchback doesn't work.
I sort of figured that. Thats why I said it wasn't gonna come off tonight. You guys should just chill out on it for now.
Even when I used to try to meet people, I did not like getting beat up, so, no go!
Haha. I said I WASN'T going to. Anyway its cool. Don't worry about it man. I'm not an outgoing type anyway. I wouldn't leave my cats to go to the store most of the time. Just interested in fellow people on the spectrum near me. Just in case.
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I'm not really worried. I have ways of making people go away when I don't want to see anyone.
I know right where Lexington is. I used to live in Nashville Tennessee and made that drive up I-65, every week.
You made it sound temporary, though.
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I'm not really worried. I have ways of making people go away when I don't want to see anyone.
I know right where Lexington is. I used to live in Nashville Tennessee and made that drive up I-65, every week.
You made it sound temporary, though.
Ahaha ya. Just got out of the army and crashing at the family homestead for a while. Only JUST discovered aspergers and going through the various stages of WTF MY LIFE. Now I'm seeing a doctor and decided to attend a program she thinks might help me form a new entry point to my general "attack" on life.
Anyway I rambled, but you get the picture. Still not past the "rattled" stage.
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Argh man i'm tired. I worked myself into a frenzy for a couple of hours but now i'm outta gas. I'm gonna hit the sack and continue this tomorrow sometime ok? Night man.
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Go easy with the rattling part.
It gets easier once you realize that knowing this kind of stuff doesn't actually change anything about who you have been you whole life.
Out, here, too Pal!
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Go easy with the rattling part.
It gets easier once you realize that knowing this kind of stuff doesn't actually change anything about who you have been you whole life.
Out, here, too Pal!
Lol i'll make one last post since my stereo is hooked up to the computer ant to turn off daft punk I have to shut off the comp too.
I'm quite secure in who I have always been, and always will be. Thats not the problem. Its just all the new bits of information. How intelligent you can really be, but how slow you really seem. Why you always seemed off kilter with the whole social scene. ETC. Dude you seem like you've already gone the route so i'm sure you know.
Have a good one. I'll talk to you tomorrow man.
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I went for beer and when I left, I noticed my, arguably-brighter-than-the-average-lamppost, youngish neighbor was toiling with the frozen snow that covered his car.
I returned to find he had not made any headway, but had shed his jacket. It's not really cold, but well below freezing, after a day of rain, then snow followed by rapidly falling temperatures.
This punk had placed a special -made carpet remnant that he had cut to fit perfectly around his windshield and doors, presumably to make getting away quickly in the snow legions easier. It was frozen solidly into a crystalline rock which made it nearly impossible for him to breach the interior. He only had one small corner pried loose after half an hour. I discovered this and told him that the only way he will get that thing off was to start the car and allow it to warm up from the inside, but his (only other access) hatchback was broken and would NOT open.
:LMAO:
Don't ever do that in Indiana. The horrible orchestra that becomes Indiana weather is NOT just one solo instrument.
He's going to be over an hour late to party with his friends.
:D
:laugh:
I bought a black plastic sheet some time ago which was designed to cover just the windshield of a car that was supposed to make it easier to get the snow off. I wonder if it would have done the same thing, since there is usually a layer of ice under snow here, too.
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I'm not really worried. I have ways of making people go away when I don't want to see anyone.
I know right where Lexington is. I used to live in Nashville Tennessee and made that drive up I-65, every week.
You made it sound temporary, though.
Drove I-65 all the time in Louisville. Up to Indianapolis and down to Tennessee, or just to get around Louisville and connect with the Gene Snyder or the Watterson. Louisville has Spaghetti Junction, with I-65, I-64, and I-71 all interchanging right at downtown and the Ohio River. Was hilarious in 1993 or 1994 when the huge storm hit and we got a couple of inches of ice, then a couple of feet of snow. Shutdown the whole region for over a week. It was awesome! :headbang2:
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I'm not really worried. I have ways of making people go away when I don't want to see anyone.
I know right where Lexington is. I used to live in Nashville Tennessee and made that drive up I-65, every week.
You made it sound temporary, though.
Drove I-65 all the time in Louisville. Up to Indianapolis and down to Tennessee, or just to get around Louisville and connect with the Gene Snyder or the Watterson. Louisville has Spaghetti Junction, with I-65, I-64, and I-71 all interchanging right at downtown and the Ohio River. Was hilarious in 1993 or 1994 when the huge storm hit and we got a couple of inches of ice, then a couple of feet of snow. Shutdown the whole region for over a week. It was awesome! :headbang2:
I didn't live here back in 93 - 94, but yeah I was really surprised how the weather can get around here.
-
I went for beer and when I left, I noticed my, arguably-brighter-than-the-average-lamppost, youngish neighbor was toiling with the frozen snow that covered his car.
I returned to find he had not made any headway, but had shed his jacket. It's not really cold, but well below freezing, after a day of rain, then snow followed by rapidly falling temperatures.
This punk had placed a special -made carpet remnant that he had cut to fit perfectly around his windshield and doors, presumably to make getting away quickly in the snow legions easier. It was frozen solidly into a crystalline rock which made it nearly impossible for him to breach the interior. He only had one small corner pried loose after half an hour. I discovered this and told him that the only way he will get that thing off was to start the car and allow it to warm up from the inside, but his (only other access) hatchback was broken and would NOT open.
:LMAO:
Don't ever do that in Indiana. The horrible orchestra that becomes Indiana weather is NOT just one solo instrument.
He's going to be over an hour late to party with his friends.
:D
:laugh:
I bought a black plastic sheet some time ago which was designed to cover just the windshield of a car that was supposed to make it easier to get the snow off. I wonder if it would have done the same thing, since there is usually a layer of ice under snow here, too.
It would, but you are the chemist.
Your plastic sheet is likely to be only slightly, if any at all, porous. A piece of carpet remnant, half an inch thick, is quite porous and very absorbent. You can most likely imagine the rock it would turn into after being carefully (form-fit a few weeks ago, for he is clever) applied to the top of his car (several times, he has done this, successfully) soaked with rain, covered with light snow (the light snow is what the guy was trying to protect against) then exposed to rapidly falling temperatures reaching the lower twenties.
It was welded to his car.
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I remember using a thick carpet pad under my daughter's little blow-up wading pool one time so she would be less likely to hurt herself if she slipped and fell in the pool and it really absorbed a lot of water.
I can well imagine that the guy's carpet was a rock of thick ice.
The reason I didn't use my plastic sheet which seemed like such a good idea when I bought it was that I figured that ice would just get under it and stick it to the windshield.
If it was just designed for light snow, one could just use the windshield wipers to remove that.
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I remember using a thick carpet pad under my daughter's little blow-up wading pool one time so she would be less likely to hurt herself if she slipped and fell in the pool and it really absorbed a lot of water.
I can well imagine that the guy's carpet was a rock of thick ice.
The reason I didn't use my plastic sheet which seemed like such a good idea when I bought it was that I figured that ice would just get under it and stick it to the windshield.
If it was just designed for light snow, one could just use the windshield wipers to remove that.
That's what those who have seen the weather here for a while do. In fact we actually buy that expensive, De-Icing crap and put it in our windshield washer fluid so we can get that crap off even faster.
Think of his sheet of rockwater, reinforced with a nylon/jute backing, fibrous inner structure, form-fitted to his car.
Sorry, I meant for that image to be a One Post affair. never meant for "my little temporary funny" to turn into a page of its own.
:hide:
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http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4 (http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4)
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I remember using a thick carpet pad under my daughter's little blow-up wading pool one time so she would be less likely to hurt herself if she slipped and fell in the pool and it really absorbed a lot of water.
I can well imagine that the guy's carpet was a rock of thick ice.
The reason I didn't use my plastic sheet which seemed like such a good idea when I bought it was that I figured that ice would just get under it and stick it to the windshield.
If it was just designed for light snow, one could just use the windshield wipers to remove that.
That's what those who have seen the weather here for a while do. In fact we actually buy that expensive, De-Icing crap and put it in our windshield washer fluid so we can get that crap off even faster.
Think of his sheet of rockwater, reinforced with a nylon/jute backing, fibrous inner structure, form-fitted to his car.
Sorry, I meant for that image to be a One Post affair. never meant for "my little temporary funny" to turn into a page of its own.
:hide:
The British had a plan in WWII to build an aircraft carrier out of cellulose-reinforced ice.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Habakkuk
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That's a really interesting link, Peter.
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Like the largest fishes today, the whale and basking sharks, Leedsichthys problematicus derived its nutrition using an array of specialised gill rakers...
I don't often come across glaring errors on scientific wikipedia pages, but they do exist.
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http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4 (http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4)
..... Err.
-
.
-
More sad than funny, that cartoon. The Israeli soldiers would call that baby collateral damage and go right on shooting, Except they'd probably use fighter bombers instead.
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Well, at least the Israelis don't hide among their own children.
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The true face of Hamas.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1M4eH9Kk7I
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Like the largest fishes today, the whale and basking sharks, Leedsichthys problematicus derived its nutrition using an array of specialised gill rakers...
I don't often come across glaring errors on scientific wikipedia pages, but they do exist.
Enlighten us, Peter.
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Like the largest fishes today, the whale and basking sharks, Leedsichthys problematicus derived its nutrition using an array of specialised gill rakers...
I don't often come across glaring errors on scientific wikipedia pages, but they do exist.
Enlighten us, Peter.
Doh. I just realised the author meant whale sharks and basking sharks. I thought they'd meant whales and basking sharks.
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She's BRAVE. :)
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She's BRAVE. :)
YOU'RE NOT UNDER COVER SOLDIER. PUT THAT FUCKING BERET ON OR IT BE ME SHOOTING YOU INSTEAD OF THE FUCKING ENEMY!
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She has brown hair. All arabs have black hair. ;)
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Yes I see. That was my attempt at a joke. Lol. :green:
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Well, at least the Israelis don't hide among their own children.
They're too busy bombing civilians.
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Well, at least the Israelis don't hide among their own children.
They're too busy bombing civilians.
Too be fair the bomb each others civilians and it will never stop to many people make too much money off of it
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Well, at least the Israelis don't hide among their own children.
They're too busy bombing civilians.
Too be fair the bomb each others civilians and it will never stop to many people make too much money off of it
True.
-
Well, at least the Israelis don't hide among their own children.
They're too busy bombing civilians.
Too be fair the bomb each others civilians and it will never stop to many people make too much money off of it
If emeril were here, he would say BAM!
-
Bored idiot makes himself a rocket launcher from office supplies (http://www.b3ta.com/questions/workboredom/post343527)
BRAVE! as Lit would say. :lol:
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Bored idiot makes himself a rocket launcher from office supplies (http://www.b3ta.com/questions/workboredom/post343527)
BRAVE! as Lit would say. :lol:
I did find it indicative of our work ethic that he immediately (and rightly) assumed knife throwing had occurred.
Sounds like a fun place to work.
-
Yay, that was brave! :agreed:
-
:lol:
-
Fractal Wrongness:
The state of being wrong at every conceivable scale of resolution. That is, from a distance, a fractally wrong person's worldview is incorrect; and furthermore, if you zoom in on any small part of that person's worldview, that part is just as wrong as the whole worldview.
Debating with a person who is fractally wrong leads to infinite regress, as every refutation you make of that person's opinions will lead to a rejoinder, full of half-truths, leaps of logic, and outright lies, that requires just as much refutation to debunk as the first one. It is as impossible to convince a fractally wrong person of anything as it is to walk around the edge of the Mandelbrot set in finite time.
If you ever get embroiled in a discussion with a fractally wrong person on the Internet — in mailing lists, newsgroups, or website forums — your best bet is to say your piece once and ignore any replies, thus saving yourself time.
I knew some fractally wrong Jehova's witnesses. Whenever I debunked one piece of nonsense, it was 'vindicated' by the next layer of nonsense. Just about every aspect of their understanding of the universe was wrong, and it made it impossible to demonstrate to them the wrongness of any one part of their mental model of reality.
You're a sad atheist prick who gets a kick out of putting theists down.
:P
-
Fractal Wrongness:
The state of being wrong at every conceivable scale of resolution. That is, from a distance, a fractally wrong person's worldview is incorrect; and furthermore, if you zoom in on any small part of that person's worldview, that part is just as wrong as the whole worldview.
Debating with a person who is fractally wrong leads to infinite regress, as every refutation you make of that person's opinions will lead to a rejoinder, full of half-truths, leaps of logic, and outright lies, that requires just as much refutation to debunk as the first one. It is as impossible to convince a fractally wrong person of anything as it is to walk around the edge of the Mandelbrot set in finite time.
If you ever get embroiled in a discussion with a fractally wrong person on the Internet — in mailing lists, newsgroups, or website forums — your best bet is to say your piece once and ignore any replies, thus saving yourself time.
I knew some fractally wrong Jehova's witnesses. Whenever I debunked one piece of nonsense, it was 'vindicated' by the next layer of nonsense. Just about every aspect of their understanding of the universe was wrong, and it made it impossible to demonstrate to them the wrongness of any one part of their mental model of reality.
You're a sad atheist prick who gets a kick out of putting theists down.
:P
I'd describe myself more as having a fascination with people who's conceptions of reality are severely divergent from my own.
-
Bored idiot makes himself a rocket launcher from office supplies (http://www.b3ta.com/questions/workboredom/post343527)
BRAVE! as Lit would say. :lol:
Shit dude thats fucking awesome. :woohoo:
-
Horoscopes
ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding.
TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you're bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.
GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the type of person who'd kill themselves to win a bet.
CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative's limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.
LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.
VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.
LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.
SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You should become a stunt performer with no helmet.
SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for a romp in the sack.
CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centered cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.
AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.
PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.
-
Lol I guess I would masturbate at a wedding.
-
That's not my ideal sexual partner- it was just a rebound goddamn it!
-
Mmmm, electrolube...
A general purpose grease suitable for use on all types of sliding and wiping contacts.
* Exhibits good thermal conductivity
* Will work efficiently at high temperatures
-
:laugh: @ electrolube
-
:laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzjLlqIuVhI
That happened to my brother in law once
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nnu-rHeOFc
-
Horoscopes
SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for a romp in the sack.
I like toys but I wouldn't watch SIS unless my life depended on it. Maybe not even then.
-
http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4 (http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4)
:LMAO: :plus:
-
http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4 (http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4)
:plus: Thanks for the laugh ;)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nnu-rHeOFc
HAHAHA! :lol: :plus:
Heres another one. Wait till the end for the funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_c2jRBG2-ak
-
(http://metalinjection.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/flow_heavymetal.jpg)
-
What's an autistic spazzes favourite type of music?
Rock 'n roll.
-
What's an autistic spazzes favourite type of music?
Rock 'n roll.
:plus:
... but don't forget "headbang."
:headbang:
-
:laugh:
-
The British had a plan in WWII to build an aircraft carrier out of cellulose-reinforced ice.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Habakkuk
Holy Shit! That just topped out my Weird Shit-o-Meter! :GA:
-
Probably posted this before but it got moved on YouTube.
So very wrong and yet...here's ABBA with Pete Shelley!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEHq4h7dl9I
-
Probably posted this before but it got moved on YouTube.
So very wrong and yet...here's ABBA with Pete Shelley!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEHq4h7dl9I
I can't watch it. The cowardly kosher-bosher Swedish authorities seem to have blocked some Youtube movies. :grrr:
-
Probably posted this before but it got moved on YouTube.
So very wrong and yet...here's ABBA with Pete Shelley!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEHq4h7dl9I
I can't watch it. The cowardly kosher-bosher Swedish authorities seem to have blocked some Youtube movies. :grrr:
The cowardly Youtube blocked it, actually. Censorship by Swedish ISPs is fairly rare, in spite of what you might think.
-
Look a penis pastry :laugh:
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/013-2.jpg)
-
Knock Knock! ....
No seriously, open the door.
:P
-
:thumbdn: fucking lame renaeden.
-
:thumbdn: fucking lame renaeden.
Posted especially for your enjoyment!
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REQRHdMRimw&feature=channel_page
HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA I laughed until I fucking cried! I can't believe I haven't seen this yet! This is FUCKING FUNNY MAN! ;D ;D :asthing: :lol:
-
Sound effects made it even funnier.
:lol: :plus:
-
Yeah getting up on her back legs then..... WHAM... WHAM WHAM *SHATTER*
I can't stop watching it. Its funny to me every single time.
-
Awesome. :thumbup:
-
(http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l243/TheNCPeter/emmawatsonhansenxp1.gif)
-
Who's that?
-
CHROS HONSON
-
And who is that? ???
-
Chis hansen. He's a man responsible for busting more pedophiles than you have EVER seen.
-
Chis hansen. He's a man responsible for busting more pedophiles than you have EVER seen.
???
-
"Idaho? IDAHO!?!
Nah, You da ho! You da HO! Mudda fukka!"
-
Chis hansen. He's a man responsible for busting more pedophiles than you have EVER seen.
???
Google him. Some of the videos of him busting these guys are funny as hell.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQZnN4l6UFI&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Cvygq8X2uU&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37s6F--0ZLI&feature=related
I can't even begin to describe how hard I loled at these.
9001 out of five stars!
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/it_might_be_cool.png)
'And ovaries. Man, ovaries, huh?' [awkward pause] '...faithfully.'
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTXG2uKNLIw
...I'm pretty sure it's something microsoft really made. Save of course for the mac computer they play their software off of in their own informercial.
-
(http://rumplo.com/assets/contrib/tees/0000/8528/8528-1.jpg)
-
A man committed suicide. Nevertheless, somehow he ended up in heaven.
God said to him, "Welcome, my son. What can I do for you?"
The man said, "You can eat shit and die."
So God did.
The end.
-
http://www.guarana.org/totc/
-
http://www.guarana.org/totc/
I think if it is not yet illegal to kill children and bury the resulting corpse in the woodlands, then possibly these people are on to something.
Maybe the law should "get changed."
No time consuming trial necessary, either. Perfect!
I wonder if the T-shirts will become collectible?
:LMAO:
WoW! Out there, aren't they?
-
(http://i44.tinypic.com/207ryxc.jpg)
-
Use some translation service and check out what this means. It actually hangs on many Swedish walls for real. :green:
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qyb2rb2RzgY/SBoia_P9cNI/AAAAAAAAAPk/Wv4CspXjtiw/s1600/aaa.bmp)
-
(http://media.richarddawkins.net/images/2009/victor-stenger-bus.jpg)
:green:
-
Good, but mine is funnier. 8)
-
I can't remember yours. That's how funny it was. :P
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQAFv1sI6TU&feature=rec-HM-fresh+div
-
A man committed suicide. Nevertheless, somehow he ended up in heaven.
God said to him, "Welcome, my son. What can I do for you?"
The man said, "You can eat shit and die."
So God did.
The end.
Dude did you just predict the future for me? Like what happens when i'll die? Because that sounds exactly what I would say to god after all the shit i've had to go through in this little "gift" I was given.
-
A Slinky cat:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T75s2RBQhSM
-
(http://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/1340.png)
Marten's expression in the secnod to last panel cracks me up.
-
Not really funny but:
(http://www.youllshitbricks.com/wutimg/rp1mj9mtrmbn57pxlcf2a6z8tj4b4543e.JPG) (http://www.youllshitbricks.com/view/1837)\
The comments amused me:
Comments
Anonymous says:
This isn't even funny
Anonymous says:
Um... are autistic kids assholes? I don't get it.
Anonymous says:
Agreed ... not funny
Anonymous says:
IDIOTS sometimes they try to be funny
Anonymous says:
this is in your top 10? who votes for these? you guys? you guys suck!!!
JESSE SNYDER says:
this site is fuckin' stupid...do you guys actually PAY to run this site? save your money...
Anonymous says:
Obviously a prodigy conductor.
Anonymous says:
dickheads
-
Well I think the picture is HILARIOUS, because it's true! You're all arseholes, you autistic spazzes.
-
A Slinky cat:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T75s2RBQhSM
D'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW :laugh: :plus:
-
http://www.youtube.com/v/qRuNxHqwazs&hl=en&fs=1
-
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/word.jpg)
-
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/Sellyoursoul.jpg)
-
Well I think the picture is HILARIOUS, because it's true! You're all arseholes, you autistic spazzes.
Too bad you don't seem to have that excuse.
-
Here is a woman that misses airplane watch video.
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,25057459-13762,00.html
-
A bra for men is a best seller in Japan.
http://uk.reuters.com/news/video?videoId=94348
-
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/word.jpg)
That is fucking funny man. I lol every single time I see it.
-
Well I think the picture is HILARIOUS, because it's true! You're all arseholes, you autistic spazzes.
I'd like to say that I try to please, but seriously, there is no effort involved.
-
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/word.jpg)
:plus:
I also will forever find this funny.
-
Crime-scene cookies and other airline horrors (follow link for pics):
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travelnews/4344890/Virgin-the-worlds-best-passenger-complaint-letter.html
Dear Mr Branson
REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008
I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit.
Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at thehands of your corporation.
Look at this Richard. Just look at it: [see image 1, above].
I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert?
You don’t get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it’s next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That’s got to be the clue hasn’t it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in: [see image 2, above].
I know it looks like a baaji but it’s in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well you’ll be fascinated to hear that it wasn't custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It’s only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all.
Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what’s on offer.
I’ll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it’s Christmas morning and you’re sat their with your final present to open. It’s a big one, and you know what it is. It’s that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.
Only you open the present and it’s not in there. It’s your hamster Richard. It’s your hamster in the box and it’s not breathing. That’s how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this: [see image 3, above].
Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It’s mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.
Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard.
By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye earlier due to it’s baffling presentation: [see image 4, above].
It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn’t want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above.
I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point.
Once cleared, I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard entertainment. I switched it on: [see image 5, above].
I apologise for the quality of the photo, it’s just it was incredibly hard to capture Boris Johnson’s face through the flickering white lines running up and down the screen. Perhaps it would be better on another channel: [see image 6, above].
Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the gruelling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this. After that I switched off. I’d had enough. I was the hungriest I’d been in my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling screen.
My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time. But when it did it surpassed my wildest expectations: [see image 7, above].
Yes! It’s another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the white stuff.
Richard…. What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them I’d done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it formed a cheese Richard, a cheese. That cheese looked a lot like your baaji-mustard.
So that was that Richard. I didn’t eat a bloody thing. My only question is: How can you live like this? I can’t imagine what dinner round your house is like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary.
As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. It’s just a shame such a simple thing could bring it crashing to it’s knees and begging for sustenance.
Yours Sincererly
XXXX
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/neutrality_shmeutrality.png)
I love the character in the top hat- he and his girlfriend are full of win.
(Yes, I can tell the stick figure characters apart.)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUY-vsZyvJs&feature=related
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2P9Sqdekpg&feature=related
Dude this fit really well. I loled hard, then I was just surprised.
-
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/washing.jpg)
-
Crime-scene cookies and other airline horrors (follow link for pics):
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travelnews/4344890/Virgin-the-worlds-best-passenger-complaint-letter.html
:plus:
:LMAO:
I am laughing so hard that tears are coming down my face.
Did you read that the author of this complaint letter was offered a job taste testing Virgin's food?
:lol:
-
Talking cats:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3U0udLH974
The translation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JynBEX_kg8&feature=related
-
(http://www.defamer.com.au/images/2008/01/metalgoat.jpg)
-
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/brokemacmtn.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UyxR9g7xi4&feature=related
:headbang2:
-
:green:
-
Parts, you've got a job. :laugh:
-
Parts, you've got a job. :laugh:
I'm on my way :o
-
I'd give that guy some money just for being original.
-
Parts is an awesome spaceship mechanic!
-
Some of these are really good:
http://www.starz.com/promotions/bunnies (http://www.starz.com/promotions/bunnies)
-
XD
-
:lol:
-
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling.
I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney moans and flops back into the chair and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me seventy-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'
'I just lost half a years wages'
:lol:
-
Here's governor Jindal... oh god.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_M4CuF2Ykw
-
:laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ve4PRaA5y48
-
:green:
-
:headslap:
-
Lmao. I do wonder how they did this.. maybe a mod?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIX3WeJWSeg&feature=rec-HM-fresh+div
-
:laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ve4PRaA5y48
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC73PHdQX04 :hahaha:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yqVD0swvWU
http://www.imagepoop.com/image/1794/Boromir-What-about-a-catapult.html
-
(http://shop.neatorama.com/avactis-images/something-somewhere-went-terribly-wrong.jpg)
-
>:D
-
What an asshole.
-
Common Types of Computer Viruses ...
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.
Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.
Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.
Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.
Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..
David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.
Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.
Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
Jerry Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.
Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!
Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.
New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
Nike virus: Just Does It!
Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.
Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:.
Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus."
PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".
Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.
Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.
Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.
Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.
Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.
Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.
-
The Results of Statistical Study:
1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
2. All polar bears are left-handed
3. If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear
1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles
2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles
3. Work stuffs up your eyesight
1. All dogs are animals
2. All cats are animals
3. Therefore, all dogs are cats
1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant
-
(http://brunching.com/images/geekchartbig.gif)
-
TIME FOR A CATROLL MOTHERFUCKERS.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuOpWeQw05Q
-
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3639/3350287028_dde025f3a5_o.jpg)
-
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3433/3349457721_0257392603_o.jpg)
-
best error message i have seen in a while:
404
0x0194
0000000110010100
SOMEBODY SET UP US THE BOMB.
ALL YOUR BROWSER ARE BELONG TO US.
YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO 404.
YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO REACH THE PAGE MAKE YOUR LINKING CORRECT.
TAKE OFF EVERY 'ZIG' FOR SITE MAP.
-
best error message i have seen in a while:
404
0x0194
0000000110010100
SOMEBODY SET UP US THE BOMB.
ALL YOUR BROWSER ARE BELONG TO US.
YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO 404.
YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO REACH THE PAGE MAKE YOUR LINKING CORRECT.
TAKE OFF EVERY 'ZIG' FOR SITE MAP.
:LMAO: :plus:
-
The Results of Statistical Study:
1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
2. All polar bears are left-handed
3. If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear
1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles
2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles
3. Work stuffs up your eyesight
1. All dogs are animals
2. All cats are animals
3. Therefore, all dogs are cats
1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant
All cats die.
Socrates is dead.
Therefore, Socrates was a cat. --Eugene Ionesco
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN7wLtJhUBo&eurl
-
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/funny-pictures-cat-threatens-your-laser-pointer.jpg)
-
.
-
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/kittyemoticons.jpg)
-
Having been in the Marines and Army, and having spent some time with the Air Force and Navy guys, I can relate to this:
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/armedservicescomparisonbt5.jpg)
-
You ever wonder why myspace whores always have the looking-upward-at-the-camera angle shot?
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/goodanglebadangle.gif)
-
My new favorite bumper sticker:
If you can't fuck 'n drive,
Then you can't fuckin' drive.
-
You ever wonder why myspace whores always have the looking-upward-at-the-camera angle shot?
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/goodanglebadangle.gif)
Encyclopedia Dramatica has comprehensive information about the Internet Disease phenomenon.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Internet_disease (http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Internet_disease)
-
You ever wonder why myspace whores always have the looking-upward-at-the-camera angle shot?
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/goodanglebadangle.gif)
Encyclopedia Dramatica has comprehensive information about the Internet Disease phenomenon.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Internet_disease (http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Internet_disease)
Actually this article is more relevant to this interest lol: http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Fat_girl_angle_shot (http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Fat_girl_angle_shot) :zoinks:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN7wLtJhUBo&eurl
I just shot my wad. :evillaugh: :plus:
-
http://www.fmylife.com/sex/436547
...it sounded really familiar. Fuck MY life.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jsPVu7o51A&feature=related
These guys are trolling bastards but they're pretty funny.
-
(http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Comics/Matt/ass-ass-ass-ass-ass-ass-ass-ass-ass-ass.png) (http://"http://www.explosm.net/comics/1189/")
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net (http://"http://www.explosm.net/")
-
.
-
LoL
You don't know how many times I have come close to losing continence behind the wheel, after dodging a goth directly in my path at high speed, who was completely invisible until I was close enough to see the rivets in his/her appendages reflecting my headlights.
-
The small text about Robert Smith made me laugh the most. :lol:
-
You ever wonder why myspace whores always have the looking-upward-at-the-camera angle shot?
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/goodanglebadangle.gif)
Remember the black girl who took her picture from the "above" angle, and also captured her turd still floating in the toilet! I wish I had a link!
Found it!
http://www.demotivateus.com/posters/myspace-next-time-you-try-to-look-hot-flush-the-toilet-demotivational-poster.jpg
PS, I will NEVER do another google search using the word "TURD".......
-
You get a point for sheer courage, Bliz.
:plus:
-
:lol:
-
LoL
You don't know how many times I have come close to losing continence behind the wheel, after dodging a goth directly in my path at high speed, who was completely invisible until I was close enough to see the rivets in his/her appendages reflecting my headlights.
I would have ran them over and claim it was an accident. :evillaugh:
Seriously, if they're wearing black at night, they deserve to have their guts splattered all over the road.
-
LoL
You don't know how many times I have come close to losing continence behind the wheel, after dodging a goth directly in my path at high speed, who was completely invisible until I was close enough to see the rivets in his/her appendages reflecting my headlights.
I would have ran them over and claim it was an accident. :evillaugh:
Seriously, if they're wearing black at night, they deserve to have their guts splattered all over the road.
I'm not addressing that point. I just don't want to be the one who does it. I REALLY don't want to!
-
LoL
You don't know how many times I have come close to losing continence behind the wheel, after dodging a goth directly in my path at high speed, who was completely invisible until I was close enough to see the rivets in his/her appendages reflecting my headlights.
I would have ran them over and claim it was an accident. :evillaugh:
Seriously, if they're wearing black at night, they deserve to have their guts splattered all over the road.
I'm not addressing that point. I just don't want to be the one who does it. I REALLY don't want to!
Do you think all goths should die, night or day?
-
LoL
You don't know how many times I have come close to losing continence behind the wheel, after dodging a goth directly in my path at high speed, who was completely invisible until I was close enough to see the rivets in his/her appendages reflecting my headlights.
I would have ran them over and claim it was an accident. :evillaugh:
Seriously, if they're wearing black at night, they deserve to have their guts splattered all over the road.
I'm not addressing that point. I just don't want to be the one who does it. I REALLY don't want to!
Do you think all goths should die, night or day?
If so, then a small part of me would have to die as well, day or night.
As i said, i was not addressing THIS particular point when i said i almost SHIT MY PANTS a few times from nearly running one or two of them down with my car.
-
...almost shit yourself laughing, eh?
-
I think I'm going to hell for laughing at this one:
http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/489076
-
I think I'm going to hell for laughing at this one:
http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/489076
Nah, that won't get you in, but you might get to help the gate guardian for a while.
-
I like this one better: http://www.fmylife.com/sex/21600 (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/21600)
This is one good reason why not to have electric toothbrushes.
-
http://www.fmylife.com/sex/278783
oh dear sweet jesus
-
http://www.fmylife.com/sex/278783
oh dear sweet jesus
:LMAO:
-
By the way, I think we need a whole thread about that site, I found yet another one: http://www.fmylife.com/sex/253938 (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/253938) :laugh:
-
This is my nightmare: http://www.fmylife.com/sex/260982
-
(http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=985.0;attach=8192;image)
I found a road safe goth!
-
I found a road safe goth!
No... What you actually found was an incredibly gay goth. Still effective I guess lol.
-
I found a road safe goth!
(http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=985.0;attach=8198;image)
No... What you actually found was an incredibly gay goth.
Can't he be both? :laugh:
-
I found a road safe goth!
(http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=985.0;attach=8198;image)
No... What you actually found was an incredibly gay goth.
Can't he be both? :laugh:
Yes, and I think he's also an elf!
-
I like this one better: http://www.fmylife.com/sex/21600 (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/21600)
This is one good reason why not to have electric toothbrushes.
:LMAO:
I loved this suggestion:
Step 1 - go to Spencer gifts.
Step 2 - buy a vibrator
Step 3 - go to the dollar store
Step 4 - get a gift bag with a blank card
Step 5 - write a witty message on the card about her leaving your electric toothbrush alone.
Step 6 - give the gift to your sister, in front of your parents, on Valentines day morning.
Why? Because, paybacks are hell and it's in the good nature of the whole sibling rivalry thing.
As for your original post.... yeah, that's pretty messed up stuff right there.
-
I like this one better: http://www.fmylife.com/sex/21600 (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/21600)
This is one good reason why not to have electric toothbrushes.
:LMAO:
I loved this suggestion:
Step 1 - go to Spencer gifts.
Step 2 - buy a vibrator
Step 3 - go to the dollar store
Step 4 - get a gift bag with a blank card
Step 5 - write a witty message on the card about her leaving your electric toothbrush alone.
Step 6 - give the gift to your sister, in front of your parents, on Valentines day morning.
Why? Because, paybacks are hell and it's in the good nature of the whole sibling rivalry thing.
As for your original post.... yeah, that's pretty messed up stuff right there.
Well I like the suggestions for the OP to smear some kind of irritant over the electric toothbrush and let her "use" it again. Now that would be an embarrassing clinical visit and a good lesson for her fucking other people's property.
-
Hmm, gives a whole new dimension to the expression vagina dentata.
The Green Goth's manicure puts mine to shame. (I hate that!) Elfin, though? Nup, the ears are all wrong. I'm guessing it's his St Patrick's Day clobber. :green:
-
Hmm, gives a whole new dimension to the expression vagina dentata.
The Green Goth's manicure puts mine to shame. (I hate that!) Elfin, though? Nup, the ears are all wrong. I'm guessing it's his St Patrick's Day clobber. Gay Clubber :green:
there, fixed.
-
I like this one better: http://www.fmylife.com/sex/21600 (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/21600)
This is one good reason why not to have electric toothbrushes.
:LMAO:
I loved this suggestion:
Step 1 - go to Spencer gifts.
Step 2 - buy a vibrator
Step 3 - go to the dollar store
Step 4 - get a gift bag with a blank card
Step 5 - write a witty message on the card about her leaving your electric toothbrush alone.
Step 6 - give the gift to your sister, in front of your parents, on Valentines day morning.
Why? Because, paybacks are hell and it's in the good nature of the whole sibling rivalry thing.
As for your original post.... yeah, that's pretty messed up stuff right there.
Brings new definition to "cavity" search!! (copied from original post.).. But funny as hell. another one: ..at least her vag is minty fresh now
And another: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKG67qKdyIE
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2FX9rviEhw&feature=player_embedded
-
:LMAO:
OMG. I can just see it.
-
http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/210139
Hey, it really is a hell of a compliment.
-
http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/206263
I don't think either one sounds really appealing.
-
http://www.fmylife.com/kids/196936
This guy's daughter is full of win.
-
http://www.fmylife.com/sex/429248 (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/429248)
Well, at least she got pancakes afterwards. If I was her, I would have been flattered.
-
http://www.fmylife.com/sex/429248 (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/429248)
Well, at least she got pancakes afterwards. If I was her, I would have been flattered.
Yeah, umm, if the worst thing you wake up to after a drunken one-night stand is the realization that you just fucked a mama's boy whose mother cooks breakfast for him, consider yourself lucky. Also, enjoy the pancakes.
-
http://www.fmylife.com/sex/429248 (http://www.fmylife.com/sex/429248)
Well, at least she got pancakes afterwards. If I was her, I would have been flattered.
Yeah, umm, if the worst thing you wake up to after a drunken one-night stand is the realization that you just fucked a mama's boy whose mother cooks breakfast for him, consider yourself lucky. Also, enjoy the pancakes.
I know, I mean ffs, she got sex and PANCAKES!!! PANCAKES AFTER SEX! This situation should have been blissful.
-
^Agreed.
-
I know the image looks small on IE, I apologise for that...
(http://kilo.naurunappula.com/nn/0/014/067/86414.jpg)
-
:pwned: :laugh:
-
The Do's And Don't With Babies: http://www.c00lstuff.com/1133/Do_s_and_don_ts_with_babies/
-
:lol:
-
I wish I had a twin...
-
>:D
-
>:D
Yu tu kan lern chineese
-
From http://www.freakangels.com/?p=79&page=5 (last panel)
-
From http://www.freakangels.com/?p=79&page=5 (last panel)
I should get a pin like that :laugh:
-
:clap: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niP0_56Hyns
-
:lol:
-
I can't seee anything.
I am goint ot have to killl this computer.
(I have hardware isssues, sudddenly.)
I have my cool knew one almost t t ready, but it won't POST yet.
more two do.
-
Okay, my boyfriend and I stop at McDonalds to return the DVDs to the redbox. I wait out in the car and he comes out with a surprise. Instead of getting milkshakes only like he said he was going to get, he comes out with food and got me a Mighty Kids Meal. I start drinking my milkshake and he tells me I have the wrong milkshake. I tell him I do not. He looks at it and says "Okay, so they gave me the wrong one then." I ask him what kind did he get and he said he got chocolate. I told him that is chocolate. He did take the cap off his drink earlier and I saw he got chocolate. I told him the color was brown and then he said "Don't roll your eye at me," and I told him I did not. He said, "No that's what it says here," and he points to the happy Meal box at the words. Then we both started laughing at the funny coincidence and the misunderstanding.
-
:lol:
A friend of mine went to McDonalds when he was ripped.
He ordered a Big Mac at the drive through. When he picked up his order, he found that he was given a chicken burger instead.
He took it back to the window and told the server that he had a mc chicken.
The server told him that's what he ordered, to which he replied he ordered a big mac.
The server told him that's what he was given, so my friend went away, puzzled.
He suddenly realised that he still had the chicken burger, so he went back.
He told the server that he had a mc chicken.
The server told him that's what he ordered, to which he replied he ordered a big mac.
The server told him that's what he was given, so my friend went away, puzzled.
After realising he still did not have his big mac, he went back to find the server in fits of laughter.
"Ahahaa, sorry mate here's your big mac. I love messing with stoners!"
???
-
My friends would try and fuck with me when I was stoned. I knew they were fucking with me but they never admitted for ages. Fuck that would annoy me as no one was being fooled. Fuckers.
-
Which buidling is the largest?
-
.
-
:D Yes it does make sense, if you talk to god you are praying but if he talks to you, you are schizophrenic.
:plus: Lord Phlexor.
-
I am schizophrenic then.
-
it'd suck if god started talking to you and then at some point realised they had mistaken you for someone entirely different, made their excuses and fucked off.
-
^ :laugh:
Here is something that some at the Hublist were all offended about. I found it hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jkBOU9etRA&NR=1
-
Which buidling is the largest?
Is anybody going to try and answer this? It was a pretty good joke my son told me. Anyone?
-
Which buidling is the largest?
I have no idea what you are talking about.
So, I will bite.
Tell me, which building is the largest.
I honestly thought your were referring to one of the many vid-things that I can not view.
Go ahead, make my day.
-
The library, because it has the most stories! :LMAO:
Coming from a five-year old, that is pretty fucking funny!
-
The library, because it has the most stories! :LMAO:
Coming from a five-year old, that is pretty fucking funny!
Yep, and just before I clicked back here, I asked my daughter. She knew!
-
Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in Front of the White House, he was
carrying a baby piglet under each arm.
The squared away Marine guard snaps to Attention, salutes, and says, "Nice pigs, sir."
The President replies, "These are not just any pigs, Sargeant - these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs.
I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and I got one for the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi."
The Marine nods, again snaps, salutes, and says, "Excellent trade, sir. Great work!"
-
NEWSFLASH!!
Pending Legislation - Americans With No Abilities Act
Washington, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.'
In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.
Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?'
'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan , due to her inability to remember 'rightey tightey, lefty loosey.' 'This new law should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.
-
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel lightly), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'
'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'
'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision because, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph. (Remember, the Pope is German.)
'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.
'So bust him,' says the Chief.
'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'
'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
'Well,' said the Chief, ' just tell me, who the hell is it?'
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'
Cop: 'The Pope is His chauffeur!'
-
Molecules With Silly Names (http://www.chm.bris.ac.uk/sillymolecules/sillymols.htm)
Uranate(http://www.chm.bris.ac.uk/sillymolecules/pee.gif)(http://www.chm.bris.ac.uk/sillymolecules/uranate.gif)
Not all are funny. Some are just stupid, but the site's worth a look.
-
Young Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100. The
farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day he drove up and
said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already'
Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead horse!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell any body he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened
with that dead horse?'
Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a
piece and made a profit of $998.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
Chuck grew up and works now for the government. He was the one who
figured out how to "bail us out".
-
Molecules With Silly Names (http://www.chm.bris.ac.uk/sillymolecules/sillymols.htm)
Uranate(http://www.chm.bris.ac.uk/sillymolecules/pee.gif)(http://www.chm.bris.ac.uk/sillymolecules/uranate.gif)
Not all are funny. Some are just stupid, but the site's worth a look.
We didn't have a smiley of someone peeing, so yours has been assimilated.
:borg:
It's uniqueness and distinctiveness has been added to our own.
:D
Try : pee : without the spaces:
:pee:
-
:laugh: Moronic Acid:
(http://www.chm.bris.ac.uk/sillymolecules/moronic.gif)
:plus: DirtDawg.
-
(http://www.funnypictures.net.au/images/greatest-ever-mmorpg-outside-the-new-mmorpg-from-t1.jpg)
-
:lol:
-
I love that!
-
it'd be even funnier if it was a first person shooter >:D ::) or not
-
it'd be even funnier if it was a first person shooter >:D ::) or not
It would certainly be funnier to some of us, but a wide cross section of folk would consider that TOO anti-social to be funny.
-
it'd be even funnier if it was a first person shooter >:D ::) or not
It would certainly be funnier to some of us, but a wide cross section of folk would consider that TOO anti-social to be funny.
Yeah I see that, perhaps though if it was centred around Pontiff Ratburger running amok in Vatican city it might carry wider appeal..
-
it'd be even funnier if it was a first person shooter >:D ::) or not
It would certainly be funnier to some of us, but a wide cross section of folk would consider that TOO anti-social to be funny.
Yeah I see that, perhaps though if it was centred around Pontiff Ratburger running amok in Vatican city it might carry wider appeal..
Yeah, I see that ...
When will you have the game up and running.
I'm ready to sign up!
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(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3553/3446154824_2f9a4c83af_o.jpg)
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http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/121656 Fuck YOUR life? How about your poor girlfriend's life???
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http://www.fmylife.com/sex/121139 Aww c'mon, it was a good suggestion!
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http://www.fmylife.com/sex/113943 So, all your male friends think you're ugly. That's a shame.
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http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/111857 You deserved it, you stupid pussy. Move on.
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http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/121656 Fuck YOUR life? How about your poor girlfriend's life???
Fucking hilaious! :headbang2:
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http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/121656 Fuck YOUR life? How about your poor girlfriend's life???
Fucking hilaious! :headbang2:
Yeah, as was the "pussy" comment.
Lame-assed fucker needed to see it spelled out or something.
I actually went to sleep imagining how my five years of destruction to my ex-wife and my lives was different, upon departure. (well, we fucked constantly - that part was different, but I was still a pussy in some ways. I should have made her show me her son, who turned out to be MY son, too.)
Hilarious - all of it!
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http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/121656 Fuck YOUR life? How about your poor girlfriend's life???
Fucking hilaious! :headbang2:
Re: Karma action: Well, I'm not *anymore,* anyway.
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http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/121656 Fuck YOUR life? How about your poor girlfriend's life???
Fucking hilaious! :headbang2:
Re: Karma action: Well, I'm not *anymore,* anyway.
:LMAO:
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This is fucking awesome and I am ecstatic after being pissed for an hour or so!
http://www.boston.com/news/nation/washington/articles/2009/04/17/epa_takes_first_step_toward_climate_change_regs/ (http://www.boston.com/news/nation/washington/articles/2009/04/17/epa_takes_first_step_toward_climate_change_regs/)
:headbang2:
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Possibly only really funny to fellow QC-addicts:
(http://www.questionablecontent.net/random/1386alternate.png)
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I know most of you are dog lovers and will help. Our neighbour has lost her Chihuahua puppy and is desperate to find him.
Yesterday, she was sitting on the couch watching TV and realized he was gone.
She called out to him and he never responded.
She then noticed the back door was open. She has been putting up signs everywhere in an effort to have him returned.
Thanks for your help....
(http://sn105w.snt105.mail.live.com/att/GetAttachment.aspx?tnail=0&messageId=eea9e220-0f77-4930-882d-e9ecfa44ecd8&Aux=4|0|8CB91579A88DE50|)
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I know most of you are dog lovers and will help. Our neighbour has lost her Chihuahua puppy and is desperate to find him.
Yesterday, she was sitting on the couch watching TV and realized he was gone.
She called out to him and he never responded.
She then noticed the back door was open. She has been putting up signs everywhere in an effort to have him returned.
Thanks for your help....
http://sn105w.snt105.mail.live.com/att/GetAttachment.aspx?tnail=0&messageId=eea9e220-0f77-4930-882d-e9ecfa44ecd8&Aux=4|0|8CB91579A88DE50|
I don't think you can link to images that are within your webmail session ;)
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oops :P
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But damn they itch :laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x5NIlLdsHQ
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(http://www.bmwblog.com/wp-content/uploads/3427670079_fa8f403233_b-498x432.jpg)
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/parental_trolling.png)
Clearly at least one of my parental figures was ahead of his or her time.
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:laugh: Mine too.
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/parental_trolling.png)
Clearly at least one of my parental figures was ahead of his or her time.
I don't know why that's so funny, but it just IS.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbhBmHCQ_3c
A rampaging bull in supermarket ;D
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/parental_trolling.png)
Clearly at least one of my parental figures was ahead of his or her time.
I don't know why that's so funny, but it just IS.
I'm confused! :hahaha: :-\
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/parental_trolling.png)
Clearly at least one of my parental figures was ahead of his or her time.
I don't know why that's so funny, but it just IS.
I'm confused! :hahaha: :-\
Some of us here lose the ability to speak coherently when we get really upset or stressed out. I'm also putting my hand up for that.
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/parental_trolling.png)
Clearly at least one of my parental figures was ahead of his or her time.
I don't know why that's so funny, but it just IS.
I'm confused! :hahaha: :-\
Some of us here lose the ability to speak coherently when we get really upset or stressed out. I'm also putting my hand up for that.
I get the end, but fail to see the relevance of the beginning! When I get flustered I usually end up with Tourette's, which is why I prefer to walk away!
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Rickrolled! :lol:
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Q: When Brian Scalabrine fouls out of a playoff game, and your reaction is, "Uh-oh, we're screwed," is that a bad sign for your title hopes?
A: Yes. Yes it is.
:lol:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDiR7UxI8Ow&feature=player_embedded
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^ That's disturbing! :zombiefuck:
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I'm just saying...
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/big_bang_theory/video/video.php?cid=501654023&pid=IWDeeH3efGTfjflTLL9iBbuPMMyiXYbf&play=true&cc=2 (http://www.cbs.com/primetime/big_bang_theory/video/video.php?cid=501654023&pid=IWDeeH3efGTfjflTLL9iBbuPMMyiXYbf&play=true&cc=2)
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>:D
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRmctqYAbQ0&feature=related
Lmao
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This is just too funny. Anyone we know? :laugh:
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Renaeden is in that pic.
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“Fight For Your Right To Masturbate” by Nerf Herder
They put you down and call you crazy
Say "You're disgusting and un-cool!"
Just because you like to touch yourself
Out by the public swimming pool
You've gotta fight for your right to masturbate!
You've gotta fight for your right to masturbate!
You used to do it in the park
But the powers that be didn't like it
They called you "pervert" and "criminal"
Now you have to use a blanket
You've gotta fight for your right to masturbate!
You've gotta fight for your right to masturbate!
You've got to fight!
Pass the acorn butter!
7-11…two for a dollar!
They say that you'll go blind
And your ruining your health
But how can anybody love anyone in this crazy world
If you can't love yourself?
You've gotta fight for your right to masturbate!
You've gotta fight for your right to masturbate!
You've gotta fight for your right to masturbate!
You've gotta fight for your right to masturbate!
You've gotta fight! Awww...
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Never fail classic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN8YOPS-Vy8
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Renaeden is in that pic.
Yeah, I noticed the resemblance too.
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Dubbed to English from German
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPpwLCvPAME
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I just had to post this here because I couldnt resist. There are people out there like that Billy guy but this is a bit exaggerated.
http://www.adisc.org/forum/finished-stories/11581-story-billy-who-disturbing-short-tragic-read-comedic-tale-kovy.html
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Renaeden is in that pic.
Yeah, I noticed the resemblance too.
I am in that picture? Where?
parts, thanks for that video. What is scary is that there are forklift drivers and workplaces like that out there! Brought back memories, heh. I miss driving forklifts.
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http://definingterms.com/dinoremix/?tl=597&tm=1167&tr=399&bl=1268&bm=769&br=150
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Read this in a newspaper today:
Wind waait duizenden euro's uit Duitse cabrio
HANNOVER (ANP) - Een Duitse automobilist heeft woensdag een deel van zijn fortuin de lucht in zien gaan. De man uit Hannover had 23.000 euro op de achterbank van zijn cabrio gelegd, waarna de wind er vat op kreeg.
De politie sloot de weg een half uur af zodat de man zijn geld kon zoeken. Uiteindelijk kon hij 3000 euro niet meer terugvinden, maakte de politie bekend.
Wind blows thousands of euros out of German convertable
HANNOVER (ANP) - A German cardriver saw part of his fortune take the sky. The man from Hannover had put 23.000 euro on the backseat of his convertable, and the wind got hold of it.
Police have locked the road for half an hour to make it possible for the man to look for his money. In the end there were 3000 euros not to be found according to the police.
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:o :o :o
:GA:
WTF WAS THE MONEY DOING IN HIS BACK SEAT TO BEGIN WITH??? Some people don't deserve the money they have.
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:laugh:
That's priceless!
:plus:
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Best yearbook ever!
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2009/05/14/dnt.yearbook.private.parts.wtsp (http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2009/05/14/dnt.yearbook.private.parts.wtsp)
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^Meh no one on the internets has posted the unedited picture.
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^Meh no one on the internets has posted the unedited picture.
If they did post the picture unedited, wouldn't it be kiddie porn since the girl is only 16?
I see the girl's and her mother's point.
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^Meh no one on the internets has posted the unedited picture.
If they did post the picture unedited, wouldn't it be kiddie porn since the girl is only 16?
I see the girl's and her mother's point.
If that were the case could you not be arrested for having the year book. I don't think it would be kiddie porn I think there has to be some sort exploitative nature to the photo to qualify this was just an accident. I understand the girls and the moms side though. Don't they edit these things? My wife does the year book at her school and I can't imagine it getting by them
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^Meh no one on the internets has posted the unedited picture.
If they did post the picture unedited, wouldn't it be kiddie porn since the girl is only 16?
I see the girl's and her mother's point.
If that were the case could you not be arrested for having the year book. I don't think it would be kiddie porn I think there has to be some sort exploitative nature to the photo to qualify this was just an accident. I understand the girls and the moms side though. Don't they edit these things? My wife does the year book at her school and I can't imagine it getting by them
The girl is so mortified, she hasn't been back to school since the yearbook came out for seniors and someone showed her the picture of herself. She admits that she wasn't wearing panties that day because she didn't want a visible panty line. She and her mother want the yearbooks recalled and her picture removed. Yet the principal gave out even more yearbooks and keeps insisting that the view of her hoo-hoo up her dress is just a shadow. Maybe the faculty member who edited the yearbook thought it looked like a shadow too.
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::) I can't imagine why the principal wouldn't just call for a little Photoshop touchup rather than getting defensive about it. I suppose he doesn't want to fund a new printing run; that could be quite expensive.
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^Meh no one on the internets has posted the unedited picture.
If they did post the picture unedited, wouldn't it be kiddie porn since the girl is only 16?
I see the girl's and her mother's point.
If that were the case could you not be arrested for having the year book. I don't think it would be kiddie porn I think there has to be some sort exploitative nature to the photo to qualify this was just an accident. I understand the girls and the moms side though. Don't they edit these things? My wife does the year book at her school and I can't imagine it getting by them
The girl is so mortified, she hasn't been back to school since the yearbook came out for seniors and someone showed her the picture of herself. She admits that she wasn't wearing panties that day because she didn't want a visible panty line. She and her mother want the yearbooks recalled and her picture removed. Yet the principal gave out even more yearbooks and keeps insisting that the view of her hoo-hoo up her dress is just a shadow. Maybe the faculty member who edited the yearbook thought it looked like a shadow too.
If the angle is right and her "hoo-hoo" is indeed in view of the camera, I can assure you that it is not a shadow. That pic was taken using a camera-mounted flash, which has "almost" the same axis as the lens itself. Probably only a degree or less off axis, in reality Even deep, deep down inside shaded places, such as under skirts a flash will expose with the same intensity as the faces from such a distance. The distance from the flash to the face is only a few inches less than the distance from the flash to the "hoo-hoo" and, by a quick flash calculation, the exposure would be effectively the same when measured from a distance of several feet and for practical purposes, identical amounts of light from the on-camera flash fell on both the face and the "hoo-hoo."
There are three important things that caring professional photographers do to prevent this from happening.
First and foremost, make certain that no one faces flat into the camera (turn everyone in slightly toward the center - no up-the-skirt views to begin with).
Second get your ass up on a ladder or at least a chair so that your lens axis is just slightly above the horizontal center line of your subject (especially important for a collective subject, such as a group of people on two or more rows. When using three or more rows, your camera lens should actually be perpendicular to the plane of the subject - in other words, considering the actual three or more rows of faces to be the collective subject, imagine a plane which intersects all their faces and keep the axis of your camera lens as close to perpendicular to this plane as possible. With large groups using many rows you are often well above the top row when following this guideline, but the benefit is that all your subjects will be more accurately sized from the front rows to the back rows - you won't make the people in the back rows seem disproportionately small when compared to the people in the front row - and you will have an easier time getting both the front and the back rows into focus at the same time).
Third, elevate the flash well above the lens, which also avoids having that nasty washed out area of direct reflection in the photograph or even better put the flash unit high up on a stand, several feet higher than the camera, but still directly behind and inline with the camera.
It seems almost impossible to imagine that, with the number of people who handle a job like imprinting a yearbook, NO ONE thought to question this image or at least edit the damn thing.
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::) I can't imagine why the principal wouldn't just call for a little Photoshop touchup rather than getting defensive about it. I suppose he doesn't want to fund a new printing run; that could be quite expensive.
Yeah. I'd assume it's the money.
I'd also agree that no effing way would somebody not notice this in the process of putting a yearbook toegther.
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^Meh no one on the internets has posted the unedited picture.
If they did post the picture unedited, wouldn't it be kiddie porn since the girl is only 16?
I see the girl's and her mother's point.
If that were the case could you not be arrested for having the year book. I don't think it would be kiddie porn I think there has to be some sort exploitative nature to the photo to qualify this was just an accident. I understand the girls and the moms side though. Don't they edit these things? My wife does the year book at her school and I can't imagine it getting by them
The girl is so mortified, she hasn't been back to school since the yearbook came out for seniors and someone showed her the picture of herself. She admits that she wasn't wearing panties that day because she didn't want a visible panty line. She and her mother want the yearbooks recalled and her picture removed. Yet the principal gave out even more yearbooks and keeps insisting that the view of her hoo-hoo up her dress is just a shadow. Maybe the faculty member who edited the yearbook thought it looked like a shadow too.
If the angle is right and her "hoo-hoo" is indeed in view of the camera, I can assure you that it is not a shadow. That pic was taken using a camera-mounted flash, which has "almost" the same axis as the lens itself. Probably only a degree or less off axis, in reality Even deep, deep down inside shaded places, such as under skirts a flash will expose with the same intensity as the faces from such a distance. The distance from the flash to the face is only a few inches less than the distance from the flash to the "hoo-hoo" and, by a quick flash calculation, the exposure would be effectively the same when measured from a distance of several feet and for practical purposes, identical amounts of light from the on-camera flash fell on both the face and the "hoo-hoo."
There are three important things that caring professional photographers do to prevent this from happening.
First and foremost, make certain that no one faces flat into the camera (turn everyone in slightly toward the center - no up-the-skirt views to begin with).
Second get your ass up on a ladder or at least a chair so that your lens axis is just slightly above the horizontal center line of your subject (especially important for a collective subject, such as a group of people on two or more rows. When using three or more rows, your camera lens should actually be perpendicular to the plane of the subject - in other words, considering the actual three or more rows of faces to be the collective subject, imagine a plane which intersects all their faces and keep the axis of your camera lens as close to perpendicular to this plane as possible. With large groups using many rows you are often well above the top row when following this guideline, but the benefit is that all your subjects will be more accurately sized from the front rows to the back rows - you won't make the people in the back rows seem disproportionately small when compared to the people in the front row - and you will have an easier time getting both the front and the back rows into focus at the same time).
Third, elevate the flash well above the lens, which also avoids having that nasty washed out area of direct reflection in the photograph or even better put the flash unit high up on a stand, several feet higher than the camera, but still directly behind and inline with the camera.
It seems almost impossible to imagine that, with the number of people who handle a job like imprinting a yearbook, NO ONE thought to question this image or at least edit the damn thing.
Thanks for the information on how a caring professional photographer could prevent embarrassing over exposures in group pictures, DirtDawg.
I figured the young lady could tell the difference between her private parts and a shadow, but your explanation removes all possible doubt.
I heard House use "saying yoo-hoo to her hoo-hoo" as a euphemism for a young girl masturbating and I thought hoo-hoo was a funny name.
I think that some student working on the yearbook must have seen it, but I can't imagine a faculty member seeing it and not removing it.
However, the school district says that there is a long chain of command for inspecting the yearbook before it is approved and printed, including faculty advisors and an administrator, so one would think that a faculty member must have seen it.
Tampa, Florida - Page 219 of the brand new school yearbook is all the talk at Sickles High School in Citrus Park.
"There's a picture of a girl in the club pages," said senior Xander Morehouse.
The picture is of a student with, what some are saying, are her private parts showing.
And it is published in the school yearbook.
"When I saw it, I kind of flipped out. I was like, 'Oh my God', but I think that she's probably like really horrified," said sophomore Caitlin Darden.
10 Connects caught up with the 16-year-old in the photo - and her mother Jeanette. The young girl admits she didn't wear underwear that day but says it was because she didn't want her panty lines to show. She says she did not show herself like that on purpose, "Absolutely not. It is ridiculously embarrassing."
The Sickles junior says she found out about the photo when seniors got their yearbooks on Monday. She has not been back to school since. "I started crying, I was freaking out and I didn't know what to do. This is my junior year, it's so important. I didn't think I could go back to school knowing that everyone knew and had seen the picture."
http://www.wtsp.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=105906&catid=8
Hillsborough County School District spokesperson Linda Cobbe told 10 Connects the picture is not revealing at all. "We don't believe there is exposure in the yearbook.... It is a shadow."
"Is it a shadow, is it not a shadow? My whole thing is, it doesn't matter, the photo itself is damaging to a 16-year-old and should not have been published," said Jeanette.
"All of the administrators are trying to downplay it and saying I should really laugh it off and come back to school but I've been humiliated," said the junior who will not return to school for the rest of the year.
The district says there is a lengthy chain of command when it comes to approving and printing the yearbook - that includes faculty advisors and even an administrator.
http://www.courier-journal.com/article/20090514/MOMS/305140009/-1/rss
BTW, here's the photo. What do you think about the angle?
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I heard House use "saying yoo-hoo to her hoo-hoo" as a euphemism for a young girl masturbating
:rofl:
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^Meh no one on the internets has posted the unedited picture.
If they did post the picture unedited, wouldn't it be kiddie porn since the girl is only 16?
I see the girl's and her mother's point.
If that were the case could you not be arrested for having the year book. I don't think it would be kiddie porn I think there has to be some sort exploitative nature to the photo to qualify this was just an accident. I understand the girls and the moms side though. Don't they edit these things? My wife does the year book at her school and I can't imagine it getting by them
The girl is so mortified, she hasn't been back to school since the yearbook came out for seniors and someone showed her the picture of herself. She admits that she wasn't wearing panties that day because she didn't want a visible panty line. She and her mother want the yearbooks recalled and her picture removed. Yet the principal gave out even more yearbooks and keeps insisting that the view of her hoo-hoo up her dress is just a shadow. Maybe the faculty member who edited the yearbook thought it looked like a shadow too.
If the angle is right and her "hoo-hoo" is indeed in view of the camera, I can assure you that it is not a shadow. That pic was taken using a camera-mounted flash, which has "almost" the same axis as the lens itself. Probably only a degree or less off axis, in reality Even deep, deep down inside shaded places, such as under skirts a flash will expose with the same intensity as the faces from such a distance. The distance from the flash to the face is only a few inches less than the distance from the flash to the "hoo-hoo" and, by a quick flash calculation, the exposure would be effectively the same when measured from a distance of several feet and for practical purposes, identical amounts of light from the on-camera flash fell on both the face and the "hoo-hoo."
There are three important things that caring professional photographers do to prevent this from happening.
First and foremost, make certain that no one faces flat into the camera (turn everyone in slightly toward the center - no up-the-skirt views to begin with).
Second get your ass up on a ladder or at least a chair so that your lens axis is just slightly above the horizontal center line of your subject (especially important for a collective subject, such as a group of people on two or more rows. When using three or more rows, your camera lens should actually be perpendicular to the plane of the subject - in other words, considering the actual three or more rows of faces to be the collective subject, imagine a plane which intersects all their faces and keep the axis of your camera lens as close to perpendicular to this plane as possible. With large groups using many rows you are often well above the top row when following this guideline, but the benefit is that all your subjects will be more accurately sized from the front rows to the back rows - you won't make the people in the back rows seem disproportionately small when compared to the people in the front row - and you will have an easier time getting both the front and the back rows into focus at the same time).
Third, elevate the flash well above the lens, which also avoids having that nasty washed out area of direct reflection in the photograph or even better put the flash unit high up on a stand, several feet higher than the camera, but still directly behind and inline with the camera.
It seems almost impossible to imagine that, with the number of people who handle a job like imprinting a yearbook, NO ONE thought to question this image or at least edit the damn thing.
Thanks for the information on how a caring professional photographer could prevent embarrassing over exposures in group pictures, DirtDawg.
I figured the young lady could tell the difference between her private parts and a shadow, but your explanation removes all possible doubt.
I heard House use "saying yoo-hoo to her hoo-hoo" as a euphemism for a young girl masturbating and I thought hoo-hoo was a funny name.
I think that some student working on the yearbook must have seen it, but I can't imagine a faculty member seeing it and not removing it.
However, the school district says that there is a long chain of command for inspecting the yearbook before it is approved and printed, including faculty advisors and an administrator, so one would think that a faculty member must have seen it.
Tampa, Florida - Page 219 of the brand new school yearbook is all the talk at Sickles High School in Citrus Park.
"There's a picture of a girl in the club pages," said senior Xander Morehouse.
The picture is of a student with, what some are saying, are her private parts showing.
And it is published in the school yearbook.
"When I saw it, I kind of flipped out. I was like, 'Oh my God', but I think that she's probably like really horrified," said sophomore Caitlin Darden.
10 Connects caught up with the 16-year-old in the photo - and her mother Jeanette. The young girl admits she didn't wear underwear that day but says it was because she didn't want her panty lines to show. She says she did not show herself like that on purpose, "Absolutely not. It is ridiculously embarrassing."
The Sickles junior says she found out about the photo when seniors got their yearbooks on Monday. She has not been back to school since. "I started crying, I was freaking out and I didn't know what to do. This is my junior year, it's so important. I didn't think I could go back to school knowing that everyone knew and had seen the picture."
http://www.wtsp.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=105906&catid=8
Hillsborough County School District spokesperson Linda Cobbe told 10 Connects the picture is not revealing at all. "We don't believe there is exposure in the yearbook.... It is a shadow."
"Is it a shadow, is it not a shadow? My whole thing is, it doesn't matter, the photo itself is damaging to a 16-year-old and should not have been published," said Jeanette.
"All of the administrators are trying to downplay it and saying I should really laugh it off and come back to school but I've been humiliated," said the junior who will not return to school for the rest of the year.
The district says there is a lengthy chain of command when it comes to approving and printing the yearbook - that includes faculty advisors and even an administrator.
http://www.courier-journal.com/article/20090514/MOMS/305140009/-1/rss
BTW, here's the photo. What do you think about the angle?
Shes a stupid bitch anyway. Who the fuck wears a skirt with no underwear? She wanted that shit to be seen. Idiot.
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Shes a stupid bitch anyway. Who the fuck wears a skirt with no underwear? She wanted that shit to be seen. Idiot.
She may have done an idiotic thing in wearing a dress without underwear, but I don't think she wanted it to be seen. She was completely humiliated. In the picture you can see she's sitting with her legs pressed together.
If she actually wanted it to be seen, she would have opened her legs like Sharon Stone did in Basic Instict.
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Shes a stupid bitch anyway. Who the fuck wears a skirt with no underwear? She wanted that shit to be seen. Idiot.
She may have done an idiotic thing in wearing a dress without underwear, but I don't think she wanted it to be seen. She was completely humiliated. In the picture you can see she's sitting with her legs pressed together.
If she actually wanted it to be seen, she would have opened her legs like Sharon Stone did in Basic Instict.
Well. Shes still a fucking moron then. I have no sympathy for faggotry like that. She deserved whatever grief she got for it.
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^Meh no one on the internets has posted the unedited picture.
If they did post the picture unedited, wouldn't it be kiddie porn since the girl is only 16?
I see the girl's and her mother's point.
If that were the case could you not be arrested for having the year book. I don't think it would be kiddie porn I think there has to be some sort exploitative nature to the photo to qualify this was just an accident. I understand the girls and the moms side though. Don't they edit these things? My wife does the year book at her school and I can't imagine it getting by them
The girl is so mortified, she hasn't been back to school since the yearbook came out for seniors and someone showed her the picture of herself. She admits that she wasn't wearing panties that day because she didn't want a visible panty line. She and her mother want the yearbooks recalled and her picture removed. Yet the principal gave out even more yearbooks and keeps insisting that the view of her hoo-hoo up her dress is just a shadow. Maybe the faculty member who edited the yearbook thought it looked like a shadow too.
If the angle is right and her "hoo-hoo" is indeed in view of the camera, I can assure you that it is not a shadow. That pic was taken using a camera-mounted flash, which has "almost" the same axis as the lens itself. Probably only a degree or less off axis, in reality Even deep, deep down inside shaded places, such as under skirts a flash will expose with the same intensity as the faces from such a distance. The distance from the flash to the face is only a few inches less than the distance from the flash to the "hoo-hoo" and, by a quick flash calculation, the exposure would be effectively the same when measured from a distance of several feet and for practical purposes, identical amounts of light from the on-camera flash fell on both the face and the "hoo-hoo."
There are three important things that caring professional photographers do to prevent this from happening.
First and foremost, make certain that no one faces flat into the camera (turn everyone in slightly toward the center - no up-the-skirt views to begin with).
Second get your ass up on a ladder or at least a chair so that your lens axis is just slightly above the horizontal center line of your subject (especially important for a collective subject, such as a group of people on two or more rows. When using three or more rows, your camera lens should actually be perpendicular to the plane of the subject - in other words, considering the actual three or more rows of faces to be the collective subject, imagine a plane which intersects all their faces and keep the axis of your camera lens as close to perpendicular to this plane as possible. With large groups using many rows you are often well above the top row when following this guideline, but the benefit is that all your subjects will be more accurately sized from the front rows to the back rows - you won't make the people in the back rows seem disproportionately small when compared to the people in the front row - and you will have an easier time getting both the front and the back rows into focus at the same time).
Third, elevate the flash well above the lens, which also avoids having that nasty washed out area of direct reflection in the photograph or even better put the flash unit high up on a stand, several feet higher than the camera, but still directly behind and inline with the camera.
It seems almost impossible to imagine that, with the number of people who handle a job like imprinting a yearbook, NO ONE thought to question this image or at least edit the damn thing.
Thanks for the information on how a caring professional photographer could prevent embarrassing over exposures in group pictures, DirtDawg.
I figured the young lady could tell the difference between her private parts and a shadow, but your explanation removes all possible doubt.
I heard House use "saying yoo-hoo to her hoo-hoo" as a euphemism for a young girl masturbating and I thought hoo-hoo was a funny name.
I think that some student working on the yearbook must have seen it, but I can't imagine a faculty member seeing it and not removing it.
However, the school district says that there is a long chain of command for inspecting the yearbook before it is approved and printed, including faculty advisors and an administrator, so one would think that a faculty member must have seen it.
Tampa, Florida - Page 219 of the brand new school yearbook is all the talk at Sickles High School in Citrus Park.
"There's a picture of a girl in the club pages," said senior Xander Morehouse.
The picture is of a student with, what some are saying, are her private parts showing.
And it is published in the school yearbook.
"When I saw it, I kind of flipped out. I was like, 'Oh my God', but I think that she's probably like really horrified," said sophomore Caitlin Darden.
10 Connects caught up with the 16-year-old in the photo - and her mother Jeanette. The young girl admits she didn't wear underwear that day but says it was because she didn't want her panty lines to show. She says she did not show herself like that on purpose, "Absolutely not. It is ridiculously embarrassing."
The Sickles junior says she found out about the photo when seniors got their yearbooks on Monday. She has not been back to school since. "I started crying, I was freaking out and I didn't know what to do. This is my junior year, it's so important. I didn't think I could go back to school knowing that everyone knew and had seen the picture."
http://www.wtsp.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=105906&catid=8
Hillsborough County School District spokesperson Linda Cobbe told 10 Connects the picture is not revealing at all. "We don't believe there is exposure in the yearbook.... It is a shadow."
"Is it a shadow, is it not a shadow? My whole thing is, it doesn't matter, the photo itself is damaging to a 16-year-old and should not have been published," said Jeanette.
"All of the administrators are trying to downplay it and saying I should really laugh it off and come back to school but I've been humiliated," said the junior who will not return to school for the rest of the year.
The district says there is a lengthy chain of command when it comes to approving and printing the yearbook - that includes faculty advisors and even an administrator.
http://www.courier-journal.com/article/20090514/MOMS/305140009/-1/rss
BTW, here's the photo. What do you think about the angle?
I think the photographer was an incompetent fool, but this young girl will be the one who suffers from the photographer's incompetence.
I fully believe that she has more education due to her in how to prevent panty lines from showing - I have quite a treatise on the subject, if anyone is interested - but none of that excuses the horrible picture that was made, nor the negligence of numerous faculty members who surely must have been responsible for choosing which photographs were to be used in a yearbook. i don't blame the Printing Company, because they require that the job presented to them is "print ready" meaning that all editing has already been done and that the document as presented to them is ready for publication. The school saves quite a bit of money by doing the simple things for themselves.
To me, it seems like one of the simple things that must be done is to keep "nudity" out of a publication of teens, especially if that is one of the goals, as it should certainly be in a school yearbook.
... but, fuck it! LoL!!
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It was Sickles High School in Tampa plenty of non censored ones out there meh making a lot out of nothing
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(http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2009/5/20/1242814320543/Workers-from-South-Hook--001.jpg)
Epic fail.
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(http://www.ninjapirate.com/images/suicide2.jpg)
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/dies :plus:
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:lol:
excellent.
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See that smug look on the paperclip's face. :D
#349567 +(13051)- [X]
Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...
#881393 +(1757)- [X]
<jax> I think the thing I've been most ashamed of doing with my penis
<jax> was trying to see if I could register it as a fingerprint on my laptops fingerprint scanner
<jax> JUST so I could login with a penis print
<jax> it didn't work :(
#881368 +(646)- [X]
Enetheru: Freud... he'd have a ball with that.
Enetheru: Man, I wish he was still alive.
Enetheru: "Hey Freud, I want to introduce you to 4chan."
Enetheru: "Say Hi, 4chan."
Fizzkittens: Argh!
Enetheru: Freud wouldn't be able to do enough coke to keep up.
#877430 +(3942)- [X]
<richcollins> christ how long does a reboot take
<w3wsrmn> took him 3 days
#881349 +(1353)- [X]
<@Xenon> You know what the best feeling in the world is?
<@Xenon> It is when you have a headache, and you take pills, and you can feel the pain becoming less and less every couple of minutes
<@Xenon> It's so satisfying
<@malevolence> you've clearly never been laid
-
See that smug look on the paperclip's face. :D
#349567 +(13051)- [X]
Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...
#881393 +(1757)- [X]
<jax> I think the thing I've been most ashamed of doing with my penis
<jax> was trying to see if I could register it as a fingerprint on my laptops fingerprint scanner
<jax> JUST so I could login with a penis print
<jax> it didn't work :(
#881368 +(646)- [X]
Enetheru: Freud... he'd have a ball with that.
Enetheru: Man, I wish he was still alive.
Enetheru: "Hey Freud, I want to introduce you to 4chan."
Enetheru: "Say Hi, 4chan."
Fizzkittens: Argh!
Enetheru: Freud wouldn't be able to do enough coke to keep up.
#877430 +(3942)- [X]
<richcollins> christ how long does a reboot take
<w3wsrmn> took him 3 days
#881349 +(1353)- [X]
<@Xenon> You know what the best feeling in the world is?
<@Xenon> It is when you have a headache, and you take pills, and you can feel the pain becoming less and less every couple of minutes
<@Xenon> It's so satisfying
<@malevolence> you've clearly never been laid
/dies laughing
:plus:
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See that smug look on the paperclip's face. :D
#349567 +(13051)- [X]
Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...
#881393 +(1757)- [X]
<jax> I think the thing I've been most ashamed of doing with my penis
<jax> was trying to see if I could register it as a fingerprint on my laptops fingerprint scanner
<jax> JUST so I could login with a penis print
<jax> it didn't work :(
#881368 +(646)- [X]
Enetheru: Freud... he'd have a ball with that.
Enetheru: Man, I wish he was still alive.
Enetheru: "Hey Freud, I want to introduce you to 4chan."
Enetheru: "Say Hi, 4chan."
Fizzkittens: Argh!
Enetheru: Freud wouldn't be able to do enough coke to keep up.
#877430 +(3942)- [X]
<richcollins> christ how long does a reboot take
<w3wsrmn> took him 3 days
#881349 +(1353)- [X]
<@Xenon> You know what the best feeling in the world is?
<@Xenon> It is when you have a headache, and you take pills, and you can feel the pain becoming less and less every couple of minutes
<@Xenon> It's so satisfying
<@malevolence> you've clearly never been laid
LoL
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(http://weheartit.com/images/20090102135033.jpg)
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(http://6.media.tumblr.com/GZbqLZ3AXo6pha1dJQ4gII9Ro1_500.jpg)
Spazzy goat!
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(http://weheartit.com/images/20090102135033.jpg)
Row row fight tha powa? :green:
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(http://pbfcomics.com/archive_b/PBF246-Bee.gif)
(http://pbfcomics.com/archive_b/PBF219-Transfer_Patient.gif)
http://pbfcomics.com/?comic=random (http://pbfcomics.com/?comic=random)
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(http://pbfcomics.com/archive_b/PBF117-Bacon_Egg.gif)
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I need someone else to find the video or a link, but I have been watching Flight Of The Conchords on DVD and this shit is extremely funny. In episode five (I think) of season one, they do a song led by Jemaine about 'getting busy time' and it was all I could do to not fall off the couch laughing. Please somebody, find this and link it or embed it here to share. Shit like always Wednesday 'cause there is nothing good on TV and brushing your teeth together before bed being foreplay. Oh, and only needing two minutes 'cause it is sooo good it is two minutes in heaven and the girl begging for more, but the guy knowing what she means, but not, and interpreting it as a compliment, then moving over and going to sleep.
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The old mentos and diet coke trick, evolved :laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ir8rkYAGAeo
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I need someone else to find the video or a link, but I have been watching Flight Of The Conchords on DVD and this shit is extremely funny. In episode five (I think) of season one, they do a song led by Jemaine about 'getting busy time' and it was all I could do to not fall off the couch laughing. Please somebody, find this and link it or embed it here to share. Shit like always Wednesday 'cause there is nothing good on TV and brushing your teeth together before bed being foreplay. Oh, and only needing two minutes 'cause it is sooo good it is two minutes in heaven and the girl begging for more, but the guy knowing what she means, but not, and interpreting it as a compliment, then moving over and going to sleep.
"It's business time." Shit man, I haven't watched that for a year and I still remembered it right! :P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU
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(http://4.media.tumblr.com/IDxyDeDmuodjitbwwIpkFCW5o1_400.jpg)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iRTyW2Qnbs&feature=related
esp. the "troglodyte homunculus" line. :LMAO:
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(http://www.mattwardman.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/20081120-lolgriffin-bnp-nick-griffin-pole.jpg)
(http://www.freewebs.com/shamik-das-5/Pictures/Nick-Griffin_cartoon.jpg)
(http://skepticlawyer.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/indigenousbritonsonly.jpg)
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:laugh:
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http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it (http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it)
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http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it (http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it)
Ahh the dreaded friend zone. I've heard so much about it, but never been there. :green:
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Me either. Don't have time for that shit.
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http://www.youtube.com/user/jimzcoi
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(http://www.funny.com/_fc/wm640/0/3/fn.CHZ1S.jpg)
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Me either. Don't have time for that shit.
Yeah- why bother getting to know a girl if you're not gonna fuck her? :P
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Me either. Don't have time for that shit.
Yeah- why bother getting to know a girl if you're not gonna fuck her? :P
Nay lass. I've heard the friend zone is a horrible, eternal zone of cock teasing and having other men take the object of your affection away before your very eyes over and over.
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Me either. Don't have time for that shit.
Yeah- why bother getting to know a girl if you're not gonna fuck her? :P
Nay lass. I've heard the friend zone is a horrible, eternal zone of cock teasing and having other men take the object of your affection away before your very eyes over and over.
Yeah, well, who bitches about it? Guys who're only clinging to a painful 'friendship' because they want in the object of their affections' pants, and not because they really care, perhaps? :P
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Me either. Don't have time for that shit.
Yeah- why bother getting to know a girl if you're not gonna fuck her? :P
Nay lass. I've heard the friend zone is a horrible, eternal zone of cock teasing and having other men take the object of your affection away before your very eyes over and over.
Yeah, well, who bitches about it? Guys who're only clinging to a painful 'friendship' because they want in the object of their affections' pants, and not because they really care, perhaps? :P
Exactly.
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Me either. Don't have time for that shit.
Yeah- why bother getting to know a girl if you're not gonna fuck her? :P
Nay lass. I've heard the friend zone is a horrible, eternal zone of cock teasing and having other men take the object of your affection away before your very eyes over and over.
Yeah, well, who bitches about it? Guys who're only clinging to a painful 'friendship' because they want in the object of their affections' pants, and not because they really care, perhaps? :P
Exactly.
Exactly, exactly. *nod*
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This one is hard to understand for people who don't understand Swedish, so I'll make a translation of the text. It won't be quite as funny, but anyway:
"All the girls except me
He has back slicked hair
He takes every chance he gets
But I know he has a secret
That no one knows
He stands outside my door
And believes that everything can be like before
But I know he has a secret
That no one knows
A women's man who presents himself
As the gift just for you
He is the city's lust lackey
When he walks by the music stops
His magic disappoints no one
He gives all the girls what they want
When he walks by the traffic jams
Creates the worst turmoil
He gives all the girls what they want
All the girls except me
He has a smile of gold
He is a man without guilt
But I know he has a secret
That no one knows
A women's man who presents himself
That he is the gift just for you
He is the city's lust lackey
When he goes past the music stops
His magic disappoints no one
He gives all the girls what they want
All the girls except me
He was a short romance
I left behind me
Completely without any substance
When he goes past (Silence of the music)
His magic disappoints no one
(He gives) all the girls what they want
And when he walks (by the traffic jams)
(Creates the worst) turmoil
He gives all the girls what they want
All the girls except me
All the girls except me"
:green: 8)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkujMYSpeX4
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Me either. Don't have time for that shit.
Yeah- why bother getting to know a girl if you're not gonna fuck her? :P
Nay lass. I've heard the friend zone is a horrible, eternal zone of cock teasing and having other men take the object of your affection away before your very eyes over and over.
Yeah, well, who bitches about it? Guys who're only clinging to a painful 'friendship' because they want in the object of their affections' pants, and not because they really care, perhaps? :P
It depends on the situation and the people involved. I wouldn't say that the friend does not care, but if they have romantic aspirations they would want to get in the person's pants (and more). They aren't friends with this person and having a one night stand in mind IMO. Clinging to that sort of thing is pointless, and is just a good way for a guy to torture himself with unrequited love. There are women that do the same thing btw. For me it is easy to get over it and move onto another person that I want (while still staying friends with the girl I wanted). I have not been in love since I was 18, so it might be easier for me than others.
One of my female friends has a good boyfriend for a change, and that is great. It is just good to hear that she found someone better than the last douche she was dating. I don't have to hear as much complaining this way haha. She still says that she is planning to rape me though. I don't see it happening as she lives really far away. I am not the type that would buy a plane ticket to fuck someone, but I have had multiple opportunities to do so lately. Some of my friends think that I should.
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Friendships suck. They hardly ever last.
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Friendships suck. They hardly ever last.
I have lost a few, but I have at least one friend that I have known for over 15 years (Doug). I have been friends with Matt for at least 6 years (I think). As far as female friends go, those don't last as long. Women are jealous and competitive lol. They don't even like me being friends with certain other women sometimes, but they are good at hiding it for a while.
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Friendships suck. They hardly ever last.
I have lost a few, but I have at least one friend that I have known for over 15 years (Doug). I have been friends with Matt for at least 6 years (I think). As far as female friends go, those don't last as long. Women are jealous and competitive lol. They don't even like me being friends with certain other women sometimes, but they are good at hiding it for a while.
That's why I prefer male friends to female friends. The only girls I'm friends with really are other lesbians. With some exceptions. I have a friend that I've known for 19 years now. We don't stay much in contact though although that friendhsip is pretty timeless since we were babies when our mums met.
Still, most friendships fizzle out with time. Tis the truth.
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Thought of this last night as I continue to obsess over my desire to go down on the ladies.
"if it looks like wookie, don't lick that nookie!"
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If it looks like a brownie,
do go downie. :P
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Friendships suck. They hardly ever last.
I have lost a few, but I have at least one friend that I have known for over 15 years (Doug). I have been friends with Matt for at least 6 years (I think). As far as female friends go, those don't last as long. Women are jealous and competitive lol. They don't even like me being friends with certain other women sometimes, but they are good at hiding it for a while.
That's why I prefer male friends to female friends. The only girls I'm friends with really are other lesbians. With some exceptions. I have a friend that I've known for 19 years now. We don't stay much in contact though although that friendhsip is pretty timeless since we were babies when our mums met.
Still, most friendships fizzle out with time. Tis the truth.
Aye. I've been friends with a guy for 25 years, this year, but he's getting on my nerves these days, mostly. And I used ot work with the man.
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Dyood1: Dyood, I got Lo-Jack for my laptop.
Dyood2 Cool, Dyood. What's that?
Dyood1: Lo-Jack is something that makes it harder for someone to steal my laptop, Dyood.
Dyood2: YELLOW BIKINI!! What did you say, Dyood?
Dyood1: I forgot, but did I tell you I got a laptop.
Dyood2: I think so. Maybe you should get Lo-Jack for it.
Dyood1: I did, but I was thinkin' - I wish there was a version of Lo-Jack for my attention span.
(Come on. You know that's funny. It doesn't matter that I made it up. This is comedy, folks!)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeYOdgwByLc
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That was 26 seconds.
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That was 26 seconds.
I know, the inaccuracy bothers me too. Nevertheless I almost died laughing when i first saw it.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeYOdgwByLc
I'LL KILL HIM! ......love
Hahahaha
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRVt1clJjgw
Intro to the ATHF movie.
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Me either. Don't have time for that shit.
Yeah- why bother getting to know a girl if you're not gonna fuck her? :P
That isn't what I mean, and you know it. There is a huge difference between a mutual friendship and one in which someone uses the obvious attraction (or obsession) of the other to manipulate them.
edit: Re-reading my posts, I sound a bit misogynistic... I'm really not. I just don't like manipulative people. I realize it isn't exclusive to women, men can be just as bad (or worse, depending on their ego/insecurities).
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Me either. Don't have time for that shit.
Yeah- why bother getting to know a girl if you're not gonna fuck her? :P
That isn't what I mean, and you know it. There is a huge difference between a mutual friendship and one in which someone uses the obvious attraction (or obsession) of the other to manipulate them.
edit: Re-reading my posts, I sound a bit misogynistic... I'm really not. I just don't like manipulative people. I realize it isn't exclusive to women, men can be just as bad (or worse, depending on their ego/insecurities).
Men indeed can as well as can women, and s'cool- don't worry about it.
I perhaps feel a bit badly about this because I do have male friends I know are (or have been) attracted to me, but the attraction is one-way... but I do care about their friendship. I don't like to think of that as me using or manipulating them. If they don't want to talk to me or be around me unless they stand a chance of sleeping with me, that's their choice. If they keep talking to me solely because they eventually want to sleep with me- even though they have no reason to think it'll happen other than them wanting it to- I don't it's fair to call me manipulative for being on the recieving end of that.
-
Me either. Don't have time for that shit.
Yeah- why bother getting to know a girl if you're not gonna fuck her? :P
That isn't what I mean, and you know it. There is a huge difference between a mutual friendship and one in which someone uses the obvious attraction (or obsession) of the other to manipulate them.
edit: Re-reading my posts, I sound a bit misogynistic... I'm really not. I just don't like manipulative people. I realize it isn't exclusive to women, men can be just as bad (or worse, depending on their ego/insecurities).
Men indeed can as well as can women, and s'cool- don't worry about it.
I perhaps feel a bit badly about this because I do have male friends I know are (or have been) attracted to me, but the attraction is one-way... but I do care about their friendship. I don't like to think of that as me using or manipulating them. If they don't want to talk to me or be around me unless they stand a chance of sleeping with me, that's their choice. If they keep talking to me solely because they eventually want to sleep with me- even though they have no reason to think it'll happen other than them wanting it to- I don't it's fair to call me manipulative for being on the recieving end of that.
No worries there. I've seen girls do it to some of my younger, dumber friends on purpose. You're not doing that, so no problem right? :thumbup: :thumbup:
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I NEED LO-JACK FOR MY ATTENTION SPAN!!!!
-
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/nations_girlfriends_unveil_new
-
Friendships suck. They hardly ever last.
I have lost a few, but I have at least one friend that I have known for over 15 years (Doug). I have been friends with Matt for at least 6 years (I think). As far as female friends go, those don't last as long. Women are jealous and competitive lol. They don't even like me being friends with certain other women sometimes, but they are good at hiding it for a while.
That's why I prefer male friends to female friends. The only girls I'm friends with really are other lesbians. With some exceptions. I have a friend that I've known for 19 years now. We don't stay much in contact though although that friendhsip is pretty timeless since we were babies when our mums met.
Still, most friendships fizzle out with time. Tis the truth.
Aye. I've been friends with a guy for 25 years, this year, but he's getting on my nerves these days, mostly. And I used ot work with the man.
I had a friend that I had known since High School and after knowing him for 19 years we got put in Jail overnight for being drunk. The reason we got taken in was because my friend was considerably drunker than I was and made a lot of racket and acted like a dick walking back to my place after a party so someone called the Police on us. I can handle that he did that because I have taken my turns at being an out of control jerk while drinking.
Anyway the County Attorney did not prefer charges on me but did so on Steve for Public Intoxication. Steve then lied to his mother and daughter about not being drunk and, in effect, kind of made me look like a bad guy since I owned up to being drunk rather then lie about it like he did. Over a period of 4 weeks or so his mother made several remarks about how she didn't know why Steve was charged and I wasn't and when it became all too apparent that Steve was going to be a fucking weinie and play the innocent to his family at my expense I finally sarcastically explained to his mother that Steve was charged and not me because I was being the drunk jackass that night and not her innocent son and I was wising off to the cops and not her son, and finally that I was the idiot wearing the SS Totenkopf pin as a collar device on the Army Raincoat and not her innocent son. I concluded by asking if she could even count how many times she had seen the two of us drunk or stoned since we started hanging out at age 15 and what was the likeyhood of the Police popping her son when he wasn't drunk when they had so many legitimate opportunities to do so. After that she laid off of the accusing questions directed at me.
At the time I was going out with a woman named Sandy that we had known since High School who was also tight with Steves family, and when Sandy and I called it quits I dropped further contact because I figured anyone who would lie over such a petty issue was not to be trusted. Of the 19 years I had known Steve at that time I had spent 4 away in the Military and 8.5 years living in Utah so maybe that's why it took so long to recognize him for the dishonest jerk that he is.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prgm4eKq6d4
Just thought I'd say hey!
-
(http://www.buttonsandmore.com/sarah/b306.jpg)
This one made me laugh from sheer ridiculousness.
This needs to be revived :P
-
:plus: to PMS Elle for original post and another :plus: for GalileoAce for revival.
I want one soooooo bad! :LMAO:
-
Friendships suck. They hardly ever last.
I have lost a few, but I have at least one friend that I have known for over 15 years (Doug). I have been friends with Matt for at least 6 years (I think). As far as female friends go, those don't last as long. Women are jealous and competitive lol. They don't even like me being friends with certain other women sometimes, but they are good at hiding it for a while.
That's why I prefer male friends to female friends. The only girls I'm friends with really are other lesbians. With some exceptions. I have a friend that I've known for 19 years now. We don't stay much in contact though although that friendhsip is pretty timeless since we were babies when our mums met.
Still, most friendships fizzle out with time. Tis the truth.
Aye. I've been friends with a guy for 25 years, this year, but he's getting on my nerves these days, mostly. And I used ot work with the man.
I had a friend that I had known since High School and after knowing him for 19 years we got put in Jail overnight for being drunk. The reason we got taken in was because my friend was considerably drunker than I was and made a lot of racket and acted like a dick walking back to my place after a party so someone called the Police on us. I can handle that he did that because I have taken my turns at being an out of control jerk while drinking.
Anyway the County Attorney did not prefer charges on me but did so on Steve for Public Intoxication. Steve then lied to his mother and daughter about not being drunk and, in effect, kind of made me look like a bad guy since I owned up to being drunk rather then lie about it like he did. Over a period of 4 weeks or so his mother made several remarks about how she didn't know why Steve was charged and I wasn't and when it became all too apparent that Steve was going to be a fucking weinie and play the innocent to his family at my expense I finally sarcastically explained to his mother that Steve was charged and not me because I was being the drunk jackass that night and not her innocent son and I was wising off to the cops and not her son, and finally that I was the idiot wearing the SS Totenkopf pin as a collar device on the Army Raincoat and not her innocent son. I concluded by asking if she could even count how many times she had seen the two of us drunk or stoned since we started hanging out at age 15 and what was the likeyhood of the Police popping her son when he wasn't drunk when they had so many legitimate opportunities to do so. After that she laid off of the accusing questions directed at me.
At the time I was going out with a woman named Sandy that we had known since High School who was also tight with Steves family, and when Sandy and I called it quits I dropped further contact because I figured anyone who would lie over such a petty issue was not to be trusted. Of the 19 years I had known Steve at that time I had spent 4 away in the Military and 8.5 years living in Utah so maybe that's why it took so long to recognize him for the dishonest jerk that he is.
What a dick. His family is also quite dumb for believing him.
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DAMN IT!! I opened this thread to laugh.
:grrr:
-
DAMN IT!! I opened this thread to laugh.
:grrr:
Comin' right up!
(http://www.funny.com/_fc/wm640/0/3/fn.CKXXG.jpg)
(http://www.funny.com/_fc/wm640/0/3/fn.CKXUD.jpg)
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(http://www.superpoop.com/061609/tomato-garden.jpg)
-
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/funny-pictures-you-have-a-very-dangerous-box.jpg)
(you know this is the only reason I came back... I miss this thread! :: hugs the thread :: )
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:laugh:
-
(http://3.media.tumblr.com/X6sh6C0oTkcxzos84sodRT0ro1_500.jpg)
-
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/funny-pictures-you-have-a-very-dangerous-box.jpg)
(you know this is the only reason I came back... I miss this thread! :: hugs the thread :: )
Looks more like the cutest box ever. :thumbup:
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(http://9gag.com/photo/6523_full.jpg)
(http://9gag.com/photo/7770_full.jpg)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/funny-pictures-you-have-a-very-dangerous-box.jpg)
(you know this is the only reason I came back... I miss this thread! :: hugs the thread :: )
Looks more like the cutest box ever. :thumbup:
Just put your hand in there. >:D
-
(http://9gag.com/photo/3135_full.jpg)
:indeed:
-
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/funny-pictures-you-have-a-very-dangerous-box.jpg)
(you know this is the only reason I came back... I miss this thread! :: hugs the thread :: )
Looks more like the cutest box ever. :thumbup:
Just put your hand in there. >:D
Aww she'd just sniff my fingers, maybe give me a lick. I would have already said a greeting and startrd in with a rumbling purr, so she'd feel safe.
I AM the cat whisperer, you know. *cough* 8)
-
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/funny-pictures-you-have-a-very-dangerous-box.jpg)
(you know this is the only reason I came back... I miss this thread! :: hugs the thread :: )
Looks more like the cutest box ever. :thumbup:
Just put your hand in there. >:D
Aww she'd just sniff my fingers, maybe give me a lick. I would have already said a greeting and startrd in with a rumbling purr, so she'd feel safe.
I AM the cat whisperer, you know. *cough* 8)
Noo....That couldn't possibly end in disaster... First it'll be like this:
(http://moblog.net/media/x/o/c/xochizlan/cat-attack.jpg)
Which will result in this:
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3154/2525766698_739fef17a2.jpg)
And it'll end like this:
(http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1305/970972124_2c0251eae4.jpg)
-
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/funny-pictures-you-have-a-very-dangerous-box.jpg)
(you know this is the only reason I came back... I miss this thread! :: hugs the thread :: )
Looks more like the cutest box ever. :thumbup:
Just put your hand in there. >:D
Aww she'd just sniff my fingers, maybe give me a lick. I would have already said a greeting and startrd in with a rumbling purr, so she'd feel safe.
I AM the cat whisperer, you know. *cough* 8)
Noo....That couldn't possibly end in disaster... First it'll be like this:
(http://moblog.net/media/x/o/c/xochizlan/cat-attack.jpg)
Which will result in this:
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3154/2525766698_739fef17a2.jpg)
And it'll end like this:
(http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1305/970972124_2c0251eae4.jpg)
Well hell those are just lovebites. Man up if you're gonna have a cat! :thumbup:
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(http://9gag.com/photo/3135_full.jpg)
:indeed:
:lol:
The hotel on the beach that we stayed in had a double toilet paper holder with two rolls of toilet paper, one turned each way, and it was all I could do not to turn the backwards one the "right" way.
-
It makes perfect sense to do it wrong if you have a cat that paws the toilet roll. :laugh:
-
It makes perfect sense to do it wrong if you have a cat that paws the toilet roll. :laugh:
I can't even get mad about that. I can never stay mad at cats. :heart:
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(http://i317.photobucket.com/albums/mm384/SleepyDragon_album/roll.gif)
(http://i317.photobucket.com/albums/mm384/SleepyDragon_album/wwmd.gif)
-
(http://9gag.com/photo/3135_full.jpg)
:indeed:
I alternate and find that there are benefits either way.
-
What benefits for under (listed there as bad)?
-
One of my good friends messing around, his wife is filming:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6dBpYqD-aI
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4di9VBPZogs
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I've probably posted this before but whatever:
(http://img25.imageshack.us/img25/6006/hitlernoobsw.gif)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqOI7KejIng
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4di9VBPZogs
:lol: I know why you went looking for that.
-
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1886349
-
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1885440
-
:lol:
-
Something I wrote:
Everyone Hates Barney
Barney was a purple dinosaur everyone hated. Lot of children loved him in the studio but wait, they didn't love him, they hated him. The only reason why they worked with him was because they did it for the money. They had a head ache every time they worked on the set and every day they were happy when it be time for them to go home.
But the guy in the suit also hated him too and every time he had to wear the suit, he got hell. Everyone beat him on the set because the studio crew also hated him. They couldn't stand his voice because it gave some of them a head ache and his voice annoyed others. They would try and put up with his voice but felt agitated every time.
In Jane Austin's Mafia, he was spoofed and he was killed at the end by an Eskimo. He had traveled all the way to Las Veges to kill him. He was spoofed in a Animaniacs computer game and it was called Baloney & Friends. The object of the mini game was to keep one of the Animaniacs bouncing in the air collecting all the balloons and keep him away from the yellow dinosaur. If he got you, you lost a life. Then someone had sang a song about him called "Barney's On Fire."
But one day everyone decided to cancel the damn show since the ratings went so low. Parents stopped allowing their kids to watch Barney because they had a god damn head ache every time their child watched it. The new parents never introduced the show to their child.
But the poor guy was trapped in the suit. No one wanted to help the guy take it off so he had to spend the rest of his life in it.
"Who the hell invented that damn dinosaur," the camera guy asked.
"Beats me," said the producer.
Barney left the studio but couldn't get in his car because the suit was too big. So he had to walk home. On the way home, beer bottles were thrown at him and trash. Some even drove into him and he went flying in the air.
When he got home, he couldn't even feed himself or get in his own bed because of the face and his tail. So he had to sleep on his bed on his side.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJjUVIIYptE&feature=player_embedded
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/overstimulated.png)
Reminded me of my outings....
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This is in poor taste:
Reports of Michael Jackson dying are inaccurate, he was caught in the children's ward having a stroke.
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:LMAO:
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I found some pictures:
Mario
(http://pixelea.com/s/41cdf64b49.jpg)
Futurama
(http://i44.tinypic.com/1532lmu.jpg)
PacMan
(http://i41.tinypic.com/2wmhnhe.jpg)
Mickey Mouse
(http://i43.tinypic.com/jil6ck.jpg)
Smurfs
(http://i40.tinypic.com/16k6qlj.jpg)
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^^One more for you.
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/The_Simpsonzu_by_spacecoyote.jpg)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/funny-pictures-snail-is-on-turtle.jpg)
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(http://mayhem-photos.s3.amazonaws.com/070515/18/464a3a40b2fc5.jpg)
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George W. Bush is giving a speech to a crowd of loyal supporters.
He starts off by saying "I just got my first blow job today."
The crowd roars its approval.
He then says, "And it took three margaritas to get the taste of Cheney's dick out of my mouth."
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvFSgXpyhoM
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(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/qwertial_aphasia.png)
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Been there, done that, got the gift card...I mean shirt!
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(http://mediagirl.org/graphics/HumFewBarsPostUpdate.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/v/sr_tccEth-A&hl=en&fs=1&
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELyTBXzfQJ8
-
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/funny-pictures-cat-eats-a-bird.jpg)
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/funny-pictures-penguin-has-a-bad-day.jpg)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGvYIZppmQc&feature=PlayList&p=C07FBBE078156C4D&index=3&playnext=2&playnext_from=PL
Lol. Picard rocks.
-
My usual quibble about modern space-opera is that "Sound does not carry in a vacuum, assholes!" That small nitpick aside, I enjoy TNG, and these YouTube sendups are hilarious. Thanks to RB for posting. ;D
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Thankfully I never did this as a forklift driver:
(http://www.ihasaids.com/upload/data/1234908717.gif)
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That would've made one hell of a noise.
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(http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n8/shpeve/buttsecks001.jpg)
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_1INH3fOI6pM/SWy6iyyspyI/AAAAAAAAAZM/Z_-dZmCyDNw/s400/o_rly_owl.jpg)
(http://home.comcast.net/~immortalus/images/yarly-owl.jpg)
(http://typo.graphr.net/images/owl-nowai.jpg)
(http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m85/ShadowKail/Owl%20expressions/Wai1.gif)
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Thankfully I never did this as a forklift driver:
(http://www.ihasaids.com/upload/data/1234908717.gif)
That is fucking awesome! I'd be proud of that.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0rN-KG0zNw
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(http://www.sheldoncomics.com/strips/sd090705.png)
-
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.", to which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, too."
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A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.", to which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, too."
Aw fuck. :laugh:
-
(http://www.sheldoncomics.com/strips/sd090705.png)
Then, of course, you have to FIND said jeweler's hex wrench, but that's a whole 'nother story. ;)
:plus:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YersIyzsOpc
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I doubt the legitmacy of that video... And/or is he autistic?
-
GA asks this because his meltdowns are terrifyingly similar. :P
-
GA asks this because his meltdowns are terrifyingly similar. :P
¬_¬
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BalLWc7p7aM
-
(http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_may2009/FiremanMouth.jpg)
-
Well, THIS made me laugh...but only partly 'cause I wrote it.
/satire
MODEST PROPOSAL II: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO
Having completed an exhaustive one-hour research survey to attempt to explain why medical marijuana bills and ballot initiatives are subject to such stringent opposition, I have come up with the primary reason. According to Rhode Island Governor Donald Carcieri (LA Times news wire, 6/13/09) and too many others to count, the manufacture and sale of illegal drugs in the state would send the wrong message to children about drug use.
This would seem to be an insoluble conundrum. Most psychiatrists know that, once the subject of children is brought up in any discussion of anything, most parents undergo what is medically known as “brain-lock;” they are unable or unwilling to continue to engage in rational discussion, reduced to uttering such hoary barnyard clichés as “What about the children?” and “Won’t somebody *please* think about the children?”
But with every roadblock, there is the possibility of a detour, and I believe I have found one. Let us say that the citizens of Rhode Island wish to continue to have a rational discussion about the legal use and sale of marijuana in the state. In response to objections from parents’ groups that even discussion of this issue would send the wrong message to children, the following suggestion is made: put all children in Rhode Island up for adoption, with the sole stipulation being that the adoptive parents may not reside in a state considering marijuana legislation of any kind. Any children who cannot be adopted for reasons of age, temperament, or mental/physical impairment will be taken to state euthanasia centers, where their lives will be humanely terminated. Problem solved.
Now of course there will be the usual hysterical objections from the usual nattering nabobs: NOW, the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, the PTA, Boy and Girl Scouts of America, NAMBLA, Rush Limbaugh and other soi-disant patriotic organizations. I say, “Phooey on them.” If they’re not going to be part of the solution, that axiomatically makes them part of the problem. And we already have enough problems.
William of Occam reminds us that the simplest solution to a problem is usually the best. Since there is continual opposition to rational discussion of the drug issue, and it would not be financially or logistically feasible to reeducate or lobotomize recalcitrant opponents of rational discourse, that leaves children. Children do not have the same rights as adults: they cannot vote, or drink, or drive, or commit adultery. Therefore, they are ours to do with as we wish. And we, the rational citizens of America, wish to have a rational national discussion about drug legalization, unhindered by hysteria.
As our president has said, we do not have the luxury of endless time to debate these issues. The barn is burning, and we don’t have time to discuss what impact that will have on the youngsters. We need to act, and act fast, before history plows us under to provide fertile soil for the newest crop of Americans. And if we hesitate—if we wait too long—that crop will come a cropper and our great nation will be no more.
Punkdrew wishes it to be known that, for the record, he loves children. Medium rare, with BBQ sauce, bourbon baked beans and cole slaw.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YersIyzsOpc
I concur with GA; it could have been staged. Any way to find out?
-
"Carlo, can you say 'I can't eat the rice?'"
"I can't eat the rice."
"Then eat shit, you bastard!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2XzE2rgTGY
-
COMING SOON...
wait...
oh.
::)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8YnkTZnutc
-
Swedish bureaucrat: "The difference between stock holding company and trading company is, as far as I understand it, as follows: when it comes to stock holding companies you could do the tax income return by yourself but you're not allowed to. Concerning trading companies, on the other hand, you may do the income tax return by yourself but you're unable to it."
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m353UIbP5cU
-
search auto-tune the news on the YouTubes for more of this genius:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Psfn6iOfS8
-
That is fucking hilarious :lol:
-
GA asks this because his meltdowns are terrifyingly similar. :P
:LMAO:
-
Haha they are using a pitch correction vocorder. Heh, those aren't even that expensive anymore. That effect can be done on the PC anyways, with any audio. Just plug in the melody/scale/mode and you can have it auto adjust on the fly, or you can program it like MIDI editing style with vibrato and other forms of pitch modulation. I like how they did it with just people speaking, and had their voices pitch altered to fit the song. I normally hate when that effect is used, as I have heard it is used by some that can't really sing in key consistently.
-
Reminds me, I need to mess about with melodyne.
-
You should do one of Pea's vids :toporly:
-
(http://1.media.tumblr.com/pU1p3ehaPpv5ytacJxxdG6Iro1_500.png)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13eDfrMgFQM
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13eDfrMgFQM
I agree with Data.
-
(http://myapokalips.com/public/cartoons/013_Tune_Hicks.png)
-
(http://www.lockergnome.com/theoracle/files/2009/04/tweeter-what2.jpg)
-
http://twitter.com/GalileoAce/status/2668557370
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgXdaXqwAys
-
John Yoo gets :pwned:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5v0d25QydCU
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgXdaXqwAys
I'm still amazed WS got away with broadcasting that ad. :lol: :plus:
-
John Yoo gets :pwned:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5v0d25QydCU
Ah Chasers. Is there any better media trolls :green:
-
Longer version of Chasers -- John Yoo getting :pwned:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EwTPQjT0hA&feature=related
You know, Berkeley, CA used to be a Hell of a good town. I can't understand what's gone wrong with it....
-
God damn these Aussies are hilarious! As well as ballsy. Good on you, lads!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbJYV8oBwdw&NR=1
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmz-a9wiZLs&feature=related
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_zGWeFhAO4&feature=related
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Rvgkr3GA0E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mgxCR3Sbkw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bL1Ysm705n0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhmjnYKlVnM
-
last one I promise:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqymrj-FwsA&feature=PlayList&p=00B03FC2ECEADBFB&index=0&playnext=1
-
http://twitter.com/GalileoAce/status/2668557370
Lol, you respond to the QC characters. I just silently stalk all of them. As well as Jeph Jaques.
-
http://twitter.com/GalileoAce/status/2668557370
Lol, you respond to the QC characters. I just silently stalk all of them. As well as Jeph Jaques.
Only once...or twice. They didn't respond to me :(
-
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v314/RageBeoulve/Obamadeathnote.jpg)
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v314/RageBeoulve/Godman.jpg)
-
:laugh:
-
http://twitter.com/GalileoAce/status/2668557370
Lol, you respond to the QC characters. I just silently stalk all of them. As well as Jeph Jaques.
Only once...or twice. They didn't respond to me :(
Which is an explicitly stated policy. :P
-
http://twitter.com/GalileoAce/status/2668557370
Lol, you respond to the QC characters. I just silently stalk all of them. As well as Jeph Jaques.
Only once...or twice. They didn't respond to me :(
Which is an explicitly stated policy. :P
It is?
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQkXBLuRotQ
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQkXBLuRotQ
:thumbdn: :hanged: That fucking sucks Soph. Not your best effort.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQkXBLuRotQ
Oh damn, that song brings back ridiculous memories. A female friend of mine enjoyed it way too much. She was more into the French version. I found the song to be repetitive pop music bullshit. It did make me laugh the first time, as I held back the vomit.
-
Long time since this was posted many new people to see :laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkDhh1pfG-4
-
Right click, "view image" to see the whole thing. I tried resizing, but the text wasn't legible.
(http://img197.imageshack.us/img197/4491/focusgoodreliablefirstc.png)
-
That was an epic Craigslist ad.
-
What's really sad is my first thought was "Is it local? I want it!"
-
My son and his friend bet another friend that he could not drink one gallon of milk in an hour without getting sick he got about three quarters though it before throwing up. It's a sucker bet that's been around for ages
-
What's really sad is my first thought was "Is it local? I want it!"
I thought you had a car?
-
What's really sad is my first thought was "Is it local? I want it!"
I thought you had a car?
Yeah, but it's in the shop, and I'm pissed about it.
-
My son and his friend bet another friend that he could not drink one gallon of milk in an hour without getting sick he got about three quarters though it before throwing up. It's a sucker bet that's been around for ages
:laugh: GA wants to test this theory now.
(http://www.ratemyeverything.net/image/21297/2/2254_6775.ashx)
-
(http://www.ratemyeverything.net/image/21297/2/2254_6775.ashx)
What ad campaign thinks I wouldn't download a car??? I agree, I would if I could!
-
(http://www.ratemyeverything.net/image/21297/2/2254_6775.ashx)
What ad campaign thinks I wouldn't download a car??? I agree, I would if I could!
This is the shit we are FORCED to watch on our legally owned DVDs EVERY TIME we pop the DVD into our DVD players on most DVDs here in Australia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5SmrHNWhak
-
That ad is ridiculous... however, I did get all excited because I used to own one of the cars he is trying to steal! It was a 1976 BMW 2002. I regret selling that car to this day.
-
That ad is ridiculous... however, I did get all excited because I used to own one of the cars he is trying to steal! It was a 1976 BMW 2002. I regret selling that car to this day.
But it's so fucked. I mean you are only going to see it if you buy or rent a DVD legally. If you are dirty filthy downloading pirate like me, you don't have to suffer through it.
-
Those fuckers in the court forced The Pirate Bay to become legal. Their ISP had to pay 75000 kronor or something just because they said they didn't trust the "evidence" the pigs came up with. Fuckin STASI-state. :thumbdn:
-
(http://www.ratemyeverything.net/image/21297/2/2254_6775.ashx)
What ad campaign thinks I wouldn't download a car??? I agree, I would if I could!
This is the shit we are FORCED to watch on our legally owned DVDs EVERY TIME we pop the DVD into our DVD players on most DVDs here in Australia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5SmrHNWhak
Oh, OK. Makes more sense now.
-
Fuck them man. Thats the same as comparing killing a chicken to killing and eating your own baby.
I hate these extremist type veiws, and I wish I could kill eveyone who thinks that way.
-
Fuck them man. Thats the same as comparing killing a chicken to killing and eating your own baby.
I hate these extremist type veiws, and I wish I could kill eveyone who thinks that way.
They would probably want to kill you for being so extremely against their extremist views.
-
(http://www.ratemyeverything.net/image/21297/2/2254_6775.ashx)
What ad campaign thinks I wouldn't download a car??? I agree, I would if I could!
This is the shit we are FORCED to watch on our legally owned DVDs EVERY TIME we pop the DVD into our DVD players on most DVDs here in Australia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5SmrHNWhak
I have seen a similar ad on most of the DVDs I rent, unless I manage to skip them.
-
(http://www.ratemyeverything.net/image/21297/2/2254_6775.ashx)
What ad campaign thinks I wouldn't download a car??? I agree, I would if I could!
This is the shit we are FORCED to watch on our legally owned DVDs EVERY TIME we pop the DVD into our DVD players on most DVDs here in Australia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5SmrHNWhak
I have seen a similar ad on most of the DVDs I rent, unless I manage to skip them.
Can't skip them here. PUO, Prohibited User Operations setting in the DVD structure means you can't press the skip key or any other shit, you are forced to watch!! :zombiefuck:
-
Can't skip them here. PUO, Prohibited User Operations setting in the DVD structure means you can't press the skip key or any other shit, you are forced to watch!! :zombiefuck:
Every time I see one of those ads, it makes me want to pirate movies, in fact that's what drove me to check out the pirate bay. :zoinks:
So to me, it had the opposite effect.
But it's a lot worse with video games, instead of forced anti-piracy ads, it's fucking DRM crap.
-
Can't skip them here. PUO, Prohibited User Operations setting in the DVD structure means you can't press the skip key or any other shit, you are forced to watch!! :zombiefuck:
Every time I see one of those ads, it makes me want to pirate movies, in fact that's what drove me to check out the pirate bay. :zoinks:
So to me, it had the opposite effect.
But it's a lot worse with video games, instead of forced anti-piracy ads, it's fucking DRM crap.
Excapt the pirated games have no DRM! NoCD Cracks rule :green:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGrQcQ9fWLc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13QAPq0236Y
-
(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_wp4KiTNCJzU/SaEzvTln5WI/AAAAAAAAABY/fYCPETtzrc4/s320/Little+Willy+condoms,+sold+inside+the+Brightside+shop+in+Foxes+Bow.jpg)
Protection for the little guy! :zoinks:
-
(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_wp4KiTNCJzU/SaEzvTln5WI/AAAAAAAAABY/fYCPETtzrc4/s320/Little+Willy+condoms,+sold+inside+the+Brightside+shop+in+Foxes+Bow.jpg)
Protection for the little guy! :zoinks:
I loled. Nice shoes.
-
It's not me :lol: A mate of mine.
He tried them on as well :zoinks:
(http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs186.snc1/6208_135628845855_743090855_3675106_7535116_n.jpg)
-
Who's bringing the microwave?
http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789446
-
It's not me :lol: A mate of mine.
He tried them on as well :zoinks:
(http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs186.snc1/6208_135628845855_743090855_3675106_7535116_n.jpg)
OH MY GOD. Those things are THAT small?
-
I wonder if there are guys out there who actually fit in them :orly:
-
I wonder if there are guys out there who actually fit in them :orly:
:zombiefuck:
-
There are men with even smaller ones it seems :o
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x658f_1st-annual-small-penis-contest
-
(http://liberalmediaelite.com/uploads/2008/03/2007-10-15-the-real-lolcat-attack.png)
-
There are men with even smaller ones it seems :o
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x658f_1st-annual-small-penis-contest
Why the FUCK did I just watch that entire video??? Also, why the FUCK was it MADE????
-
There are men with even smaller ones it seems :o
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x658f_1st-annual-small-penis-contest
...
........ HAHA.. AAAAAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
I felt bad for some of them :laugh: Although beats me how the moob one has sex with his girlfriend :aff:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sD6Efggk5s8&feature=player_embedded
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sD6Efggk5s8&feature=player_embedded
:LMAO:
It's even funnier to me because I have heard the original version of the song.
-
There are men with even smaller ones it seems :o
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x658f_1st-annual-small-penis-contest
...
........ HAHA.. AAAAAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that makes me feel like ron jeremy
-
(http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/inurcarif6.jpg)
-
(http://theinternetisterrible.com/wp-content/things/pic18467.jpg)
-
She was obviously too full of motherly love to crop it :rofl:
-
:zoinks:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyVSN2OoIV4
:orly:
-
(http://theinternetisterrible.com/wp-content/things/fingers.thumbnail.jpg)
-
- Do you know what a bolshevik does when you drop him into the Red Sea?
- No.
- Ah, you don't even know what a bolshevik does when you drop him into the Red Sea!
- No, but I would like to.
- He goes splash!
:insane:
-
*groans*
-
It's from Salò. :toporly:
-
why do women wear purfume and make up?
cause theyre ugly and they stink
-
What a charmer :zoinks:
-
Not everyone will like this, you guys from the UK will probably appreciate it a bit more:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RY9u0LxIWJk
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W95z1DqOIUg
-
(http://12.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kojt36FGKk1qz5vbqo1_500.jpg)
:lol:
PETA is so ridiculous.
-
^peta supports in vitro meat...WTFIWWT
retarded animal babies are awesome. reminds me of this board.
http://dave.newgrounds.com/flash/
-
Been posted before but years ago
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUEkOVdUjHc
-
(http://15.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_koor91am9g1qzzflzo1_500.jpg)
8)
-
Sad truth especially here :laugh:
-
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3609/3587161033_a91b876fc9_o.gif)
-
:laugh:
-
You must read about Alan Moore and have watched/read Watchmen to get it.
http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/9923/alanmoorewatchmenmovie.jpg (http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/9923/alanmoorewatchmenmovie.jpg)
EDIT: Bah, just click there, the image is too large.
-
I wonder how many of you realise that Johnny Depp is German for Johnny the idiot......
Matter of fact, I wonder if he knows. :LMAO:
-
(http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/thumb/3/3c/GettinCaught.gif/180px-GettinCaught.gif)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lmy9R_WtPbg
-
lol, do not divide by zero :laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BCQY8B-97k
-
lol, do not divide by zero :laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BCQY8B-97k
Pity the camerawork was so shitty.
-
It's cloverfield style. :orly:
-
Here's another one, I lol'd so hard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9e5YTcwF9U
-
Here's another one, I lol'd so hard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9e5YTcwF9U
:LMAO:
And what's even funnier is that WE know it won't happen, but WE ain't telling THEM that..... :evillaugh:
-
OH MY FUCKING LOL!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jtzc5mOcql4
:LMAO:
This is what happens when you take a basement dweller's internets away. :laugh:
-
Priceless :LMAO:
-
MOAR! This time, featuring a real basement dweller, a WoWfag.
Original:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YersIyzsOpc
The Kirby remix:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQwIYsAjZtg
:LMAO:
Just check out all the related videos on Youtube. :laugh:
-
OH FUCKING LOL, I'm on a roll, now here's something completely different:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jkBOU9etRA
I mean fucking LOL!
:rofl:
EDIT: Reads some youtube comments and sees a few BAWfags... FFS :facepalm:
-
Just check out all the related videos on Youtube. :laugh:
Here are the other ones with this same kid:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWBfLOZ2CjQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFMs2w9Qexg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn8OWZyKIoU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a8CWuX1TTI
-
Calm down Shleed...
No, wait. That kid ain't fat and he ain't Irish. :LMAO:
-
:twitch: He broke his dad's guitar???
Can we say "anger issues"? If I were his mom, I'd be canceling his WoW account too!
-
WoW!
<goes back to watch the first one>
-
I'd say they're either faked, or he's a spastic.
It's funny how he has a raging boner on the first video.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4h5rGrPKj5E
Call me juvenile, but I was in tears from laughter when I first seen this. Literal :LMAO:
-
OH FUCKING LOL, I'm on a roll, now here's something completely different:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jkBOU9etRA
I mean fucking LOL!
:rofl:
EDIT: Reads some youtube comments and sees a few BAWfags... FFS :facepalm:
I watched that whole series, they are hilarious.
-
was anybody able to find the original of the one where hes in the tree? i could only find bits of it with some dumbass commenting.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8injvP1lJ8I
-
I'd say they're either faked, or he's a spastic.
It's funny how he has a raging boner on the first video.
Totally missed the raging boner.
A question for the guys: If you get that worked up over something, are you likely to get an erection? Just curious.
-
Sometimes, yes. :aff:
Not due to sexual reasons either, the rush of blood is enough to make it hard.
-
I'd be screwed if I had a cock. I'd have boners all over the place.
-
It is an annoyance, yes. I did think about getting it chopped off at times, but i'll miss the ability to piss and wank.
-
(http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=270121615098&h=9OVBn&u=82zDC&ref=mf)
:rofl:
-
A question for the guys: If you get that worked up over something, are you likely to get an erection? Just curious.
No. Can't say I've ever been as worked up over anything as that kid is, though.
-
Sometimes, yes. :aff:
Not due to sexual reasons either, the rush of blood is enough to make it hard.
I had kind of wondered if that was why.
Can't imagine that kid would've been able to multitask enough to think about sex while totally spazzing like that. :lol:
-
Sometimes, yes. :aff:
Not due to sexual reasons either, the rush of blood is enough to make it hard.
I had kind of wondered if that was why.
Can't imagine that kid would've been able to multitask enough to think about sex while totally spazzing like that. :lol:
Have gotten worked up - nowhere near as bad as that kid. Can't say I've noticed getting hard while doing it.
-
(http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=270121615098&h=9OVBn&u=82zDC&ref=mf)
:rofl:
"im even starting to be afraid of my own(penis)"
:LMAO:
-
Maybe if the kid had hit himself on the cock with his shoe instead of his head, it would have solved the whole problem.....
-
What the hell @ 1:11?
-
What the hell @ 1:11?
Buttsecks perhaps?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIaVBoO2rLQ
-
:lol:
-
i think he actually hurt himself, notice he caughs afterward, like he just got punched in the gut. can you imagine what he went through in school when his friends saw that?
-
Plus it looks like his brother has a whole series of freak outs like that. I am definitely never having a meltdown at home again :green: Who knows if my sister ain't filming it and later sticking it on YT.
-
if she does, will you send us links, please?
-
Like hell I will :zoinks:
The videos are fake anyway. This guy proves it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ktf2gM2aZI
-
The boner :lol:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXfmJ_aVl9I
-
we been had, still funny tho
-
Dunno about the tantrum being fake, but that hardon was. Generally a morning wood would disappear not long after you get up, but to sustain it during a tantrum like that would be a huge effort.
Even if the video were faked, the kid would have had to be on Viagra to keep it up that long without being aroused.
-
Here is an interview where Steven says the tantrum's fake:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVipG7djCn0&NR=1
-
Well for a fake, it certainly was great acting. :laugh:
-
How do we know the interview wasn't faked?
I mean, a video of the actual interview would have been proof for me that it was real, but not an audio over the video of his tantrum..... Hmmmmm.
-
There's that possibility too, but, either way it doesn't matter, we are still laughing at him in the end. :green:
-
There's that possibility too, but, either way it doesn't matter, we are still laughing at him in the end. :green:
Fuck yeah. When I first saw it I cracked up so much I almost pissed myself. :lol:
-
No Reason Boner (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=n%20r%20b)
-
aka, morning wood
-
Epic trolling:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IE3KdcTgrno
But it's the woman's reaction that makes it so hilarious.
-
:LMAO:
-
Bill O'Reilly stars in this one. :orly:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-DkRuXzx94
And Chris Hanson:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur4aqkyCzPA
And even Peggy, strikes again: :laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QS-pxBxh1jY
Oh god I just can't stop... :LMAO:
-
I know these are pisstakes, but are there any REAL places like that?
Be funny if they had fora so we could spam the shit out of them... :LMAO:
-
(http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs153.snc1/5690_1191435668179_1297002348_534369_8079551_n.jpg)
-
(http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs153.snc1/5690_1191435668179_1297002348_534369_8079551_n.jpg)
:LMAO: I wonder how many suckers bought that....
-
(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61cTH%2BdTxXL.jpg)
Noticed this in HMV today. Tried my best to hold in the sniggers.
-
:lol:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqQtoMyi2xQ
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/suspicion.png)
-
sinsboldly & MrMark.... welcome to WrongPlanet.
-
http://www.shredordie.com/videos/051328113e/crazy-german-bike-dancing (http://www.shredordie.com/videos/051328113e/crazy-german-bike-dancing)
-
:o
-
Next batter up for the Spokane Pussies is Cat O'Donahue..... :evillaugh:
-
AOL epic FAIL
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddMowxKchko
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/boomheadshot0rd.gif)
-
(http://thiswayoflife.org/autismticket.gif)
-
You must understand German to get this, then it's hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFnpbJWXpKs
-
Same here. The pun is that "schützen" means "protect" in German, but "Schütze" means "shooter", "shot". I don't even think his audience understands the pun.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcBGsNhwxhY
-
Even if you know halbe-halbe you can get what they are saying. Sure, you really need to know the full context of German, but there are some bits and peices that are easily picked up.
-
Courthouse bloopers:
Q. Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A. By death.
Q. And by whose death was it terminated?
Q. How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?
A. Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney, and said he was really good.
Q. Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
A. I will be three months November 8th.
Q. Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
A. Yes.
Q. What were you and your husband doing at that time?
Q. Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?
A. I should be.
Q. How many times have you committed suicide?
A. Four times.
Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
Q. Were you acquainted with the deceased?
A. Yes, sir.
Q. Before or after he died?
Q. What happened then?
A. He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q. Did he kill you?
A. No.
THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.
Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
A. No.
Q. What was he doing with the dog’s ears?
A. Picking them up in the air.
Q. Where was the dog at this time?
A. Attached to the ears.
Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
Q. And lastly, Jimmy, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What school do you go to?
A. Oral.
Q. How old are you?
A. Oral.
Q. What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A. She is my daughter.
Q. Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?
Q. ...and what did he do then?
A. He came home, and next morning he was dead.
Q. So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?
Q. So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?
A. I didn’t see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital.
Q. It was covered?
A. Yes, bandaged.
Q. Then, later on.. what did you see?
A. I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head.
Q. Do you drink when you’re on duty?
A. I don’t drink when I’m on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.
Q. ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
A. The victim lived.
Q. Are you sexually active?
A. No, I just lie there.
Q. Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A. Yes, I have been since early childhood.
Q. What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A. It indicates intercourse.
Q. Male sperm?
A. That is the only kind I know.
Q. (Showing man picture.) That’s you?
A. Yes, sir.
Q. And you were present when the picture was taken, right?
-
Church bulletin bloopers:
# Don’t let worry kill you - let the church help.
# Thursday night - Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
# Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
# The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
# Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
# Thursday at 5:00 PM, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
# This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
# The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
# At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/brontosaurus.png)
Mouseover text="Well, sex is like a velociraptor: despite your movie-fueled lifelong neurotic obsession, unlikely to be found in your house."
-
(http://i27.tinypic.com/b6dcif.jpg)
-
(http://i27.tinypic.com/b6dcif.jpg)
Soleiyu is the one in the chair, obviously. :lol:
-
My first thought was "lol," but my second was "why were a baby and a very young child left unsupervised long enough for that to happen???" My fucking job has thouroughly buttraped my worldview.
-
My first thought was "lol," but my second was "why were a baby and a very young child left unsupervised long enough for that to happen???" My fucking job has thouroughly buttraped my worldview.
That could have been done on 5mins.
-
My first thought was "lol," but my second was "why were a baby and a very young child left unsupervised long enough for that to happen???" My fucking job has thouroughly buttraped my worldview.
That could have been done on 5mins.
Even less
-
My first thought was "lol," but my second was "why were a baby and a very young child left unsupervised long enough for that to happen???" My fucking job has thouroughly buttraped my worldview.
That could have been done on 5mins.
Even less
Kids have amazing timing. I swear they watch you and plan their moves.
-
http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com
-
http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com
Meh, some people need to lighten the fuck up.
Kids can take a lot of crap (jk).
But seriously, some of those pics pretty harmless and mostly judgemental.
-
http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com
Meh, some people need to lighten the fuck up.
Kids can take a lot of crap (jk).
But seriously, some of those pics pretty harmless and mostly judgemental.
I agree, most looked more tacky than alarming. The kid who was folded up in the laundry cart thing made me wince though.
-
http://www.downwithpinatas.com/my-story/
-
http://www.downwithpinatas.com/my-story/
That made me lol and go WTF at the same time. But I wish this was a troll, because for this to be even be real... I mean... wow.
-
I am often accused of racism because of my vehement opposition to pinatas – northern California has a large Mexican population after all. But I want to be clear that this has nothing to do with the people of Mexico. Yes, they are largely a violent society, with the pinatas, the bull fights, the criminals coming across our borders and what not. But for the most part they seem to be hard workers – they mow our yards, clean our houses and pick up our trash. I applaud them for trying to make a better life for themselves. But I deplore the importation of their violent “sports” like pinata bashing parties.
wtf? does this guy realize what a idiot he sounds like? californian parents are the biggest idiots ever.
"my daughter wasnt taught the difference between piñatas and daddys face, and im so dumb i let a 4 year old sleep with a bat. so we need to ban piñatas and be racist against the mexican americans"
this shit is not funny at all. :thumbdn:
-
It's pretty funny, dude gets owned by his 4yo :green:
-
Where's fucking Carlos Mencia when you need him?
-
Where's fucking Carlos Mencia when you need him?
I would like to see him die on TV. Mencia is worthless.
-
So a husband asks "honey, what would you do if I won the lottery?"
She says, " I take half of it and leave your stinkin ass".
He says, "good, i won 12 dollars, here's six, now get the hell out".!
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqtr_RvR3sY
I laughed at this too much. I would like to hang out with this guy, especially when stoned.
-
http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com
Meh, some people need to lighten the fuck up.
Kids can take a lot of crap (jk).
But seriously, some of those pics pretty harmless and mostly judgemental.
I agree, most looked more tacky than alarming. The kid who was folded up in the laundry cart thing made me wince though.
It said that it was actually a doll that was folded in the laundry cart. It looked really lifelike, though.
This one was really bad, IMO. It said the mom was arrested.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtMRddAIHx0
-
http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny
PMS Elle, you especially should check this out :lol:
-
(http://imgfave.lg1x8.simplecdn.net/image_cache/1247843456327142.jpeg)
-
http://thereifixedit.com/
-
:green:
[attachment deleted by admin]
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^^That is funny as fuck.
edit: I just sent that to my sister... it's her birthday today. ;D
-
That turettes dick made me scream. Fucking brilliant.
-
(http://6.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kqp7rzizOw1qzv9uzo1_500.png)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgKpRopXnus
-
(http://cad-comic.com/comics/20090930.jpg)
-
(http://6.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kqp7rzizOw1qzv9uzo1_500.png)
You know, that could be benjina's page. :lol:
Here's one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNqk6Tv0rHs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNqk6Tv0rHs)
-
(http://cad-comic.com/comics/20090930.jpg)
YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH :green:
-
When Abraham Lincoln was a lawyer, one of his colleagues split his pants while in court. His fellow barristers "passed the hat" to raise the $ for a new pair of trousers for their fellow shyster. Lincoln's response: "I can contribute nothing to the end in view."
-
Don't remember the comedian's name, but heard this sometime in the 1980's:
Two guys shooting the shit. One says to the other, "If you heard the sirens go off, and the TV guy said 'the bombs are coming, we've got eight minutes before they get here,' what would you do?"
The second guy says, "I'd fuck anything that moves. What would you do?"
The first guy says, "I'd stand absolutely still."
-
Haha!
-
Don't remember the comedian's name, but heard this sometime in the 1980's:
Two guys shooting the shit. One says to the other, "If you heard the sirens go off, and the TV guy said 'the bombs are coming, we've got eight minutes before they get here,' what would you do?"
The second guy says, "I'd fuck anything that moves. What would you do?"
The first guy says, "I'd stand absolutely still."
LOL
http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny
PMS Elle, you especially should check this out :lol:
Hahaha, I've heard this before, and an ex-friend of mine dated this exact guy a couple of years back. I've dated a loser or two who was perplexingly full of himself and entitled, but never quite to this extent.
The second message reminds me of benjina.
-
http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny
PMS Elle, you especially should check this out :lol:
Hahaha, I've heard this before, and an ex-friend of mine dated this exact guy a couple of years back. I've dated a loser or two who was perplexingly full of himself and entitled, but never quite to this extent.
The second message reminds me of benjina.
:agreed:
Your poor ex-friend :aff: She must have been very desperate.
-
:zombiefuck:
His website:
http://dimitrithelover.com/
A flyer he hands out to women:
(http://pics.livejournal.com/suspiciouslump/pic/00001pse)
-
This guy is EVERYWHERE
http://www.youtube.com/user/DimitriTheLoverFan
Eurgh, what a grease-ball
-
:zombiefuck:
His website:
http://dimitrithelover.com/
A flyer he hands out to women:
(http://pics.livejournal.com/suspiciouslump/pic/00001pse)
This has surely got to be a joke... Because from what I see... I mean just damn, it is pathetic. I mean flyers? lol :laugh:
-
It's viral marketing. I believe there is going to be a movie coming out.
-
I think the reason most of the women around turned gay was because they saw his ad in the first place.
-
It's viral marketing. I believe there is going to be a movie coming out.
I think you're right.
It sounds a lot like something I heard in Bruno, and I read this:
Finally, here is The Prophet's main web site: http://dimitrithelover.com
We heard at the last meeting that his Hollywood film (the one that the producers of Borat and Bruno created) is completed and should be released in the next few months. Then the world will know the truth about what The Prophet is doing to rid the world of feminism once and for all.
-
this is fucking hilarious
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/8281382.stm
-
http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny
PMS Elle, you especially should check this out :lol:
Hahaha, I've heard this before, and an ex-friend of mine dated this exact guy a couple of years back. I've dated a loser or two who was perplexingly full of himself and entitled, but never quite to this extent.
The second message reminds me of benjina.
:agreed:
Your poor ex-friend :aff: She must have been very desperate.
She was histrionic personality disorder personified and she deserved everything she got and more, actually, but that's a story for another day. :zoinks:
-
Haha success, you made me laugh.
Do you have snapvine? I'll leave you a message on there >:D
-
Haha success, you made me laugh.
Do you have snapvine? I'll leave you a message on there >:D
Oh, certainly, since you've won me over now, and all.
-
I'm not worried about winning you over anymore. I didn't really know you at first, you seemed interesting. But now, just pretty bitter and sad.
-
You know, I just now realized exactly what it is about you that puts people off.
Whenever someone disagrees with you or rejects you, you assume there is something wrong with them. You can't understand that someone would have different thoughts and emotions than yourself. You have mind-blindness, or theory of mind impairment.
This is a classic autistic trait.
The theory of mind (ToM) impairment describes a difficulty someone would have with perspective taking. This is also sometimes referred to as mind-blindness. This means that individuals with a ToM impairment would have a hard time seeing things from any other perspective than their own.[30] Individuals who experience a theory of mind deficit have difficulty determining the intentions of others, lack understanding of how their behavior affects others, and have a difficult time with social reciprocity.[31] In 1985 Simon Baron-Cohen, Alan M. Leslie and Uta Frith published research which suggested that children with autism do not employ a theory of mind,[32] and suggested that children with autism have particular difficulties with tasks requiring the child to understand another person's beliefs. These difficulties persist when children are matched for verbal skills (Happe, 1995, Child Development) and have been taken as a key feature of autism.
This is not meant as a personal attack, merely an observation.
-
You know, I just now realized exactly what it is about you that puts people off.
Whenever someone disagrees with you or rejects you, you assume there is something wrong with them. You can't understand that someone would have different thoughts and emotions than yourself. You have mind-blindness, or theory of mind impairment.
This is a classic autistic trait.
The theory of mind (ToM) impairment describes a difficulty someone would have with perspective taking. This is also sometimes referred to as mind-blindness. This means that individuals with a ToM impairment would have a hard time seeing things from any other perspective than their own.[30] Individuals who experience a theory of mind deficit have difficulty determining the intentions of others, lack understanding of how their behavior affects others, and have a difficult time with social reciprocity.[31] In 1985 Simon Baron-Cohen, Alan M. Leslie and Uta Frith published research which suggested that children with autism do not employ a theory of mind,[32] and suggested that children with autism have particular difficulties with tasks requiring the child to understand another person's beliefs. These difficulties persist when children are matched for verbal skills (Happe, 1995, Child Development) and have been taken as a key feature of autism.
This is not meant as a personal attack, merely an observation.
The "everyone has a problem but me" thing is actually more typical of a personality disorder. :P
-
NO YOU'RE WRONG I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN THINK THAT
-
NO YOU'RE WRONG I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN THINK THAT
I CANT THINK THAT IM JUST A REALLY SOPHISTICATED ATTEMPT TO PROVE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE VIA THE TURING TEST I AM ACTUALLY JUST BITS AND BYTES
-
please enter the following words in the line below to continue correspondence with this user.
(http://img.zdnet.com/techDirectory/_CAPTCH5.GIF)
-
You guys are all bots. Just kidding.
I am the only real person. You are all just figments of my imagination.
-
I'm a filament of your imagination.
-
I'm a filament of your imagination.
click.
-
Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answering service
Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith police
station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and
try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this
meassage on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or Ouija board.
As I’m writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments
(I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street which is just off
Commercial Street in Leith . Six of them seem happy enough to play a game
which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of
a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout
the entire building. This game is now in it’s third week and as I am
unsure how the scoring sytem works, I have no idea if it will end any time
soon.
The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several
bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully
dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is
setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it’s only a
matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of
calor gas that is lying on it’s side between the two bins. If they could
be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily
leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches.
Unfortuneatly they are far more likely to blow up half the street with
Them and I’ve just finished decorating the kitchen.
What I suggest is this. after replying to this e-mail with worthless
assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with,
why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when
there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car
before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course
serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.
I trust that when I take a clawhammer to the skull of one of these
throwbacks you’ll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head
start before coming to arrest me.
I remain sir, your obedient servant
********
Mr *******,
I have read your e-mail and understand your frustration at the problems
caused by youths playing in the area and the problems you have
encountered in trying to contact the police.
As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an
offer of discussing the matter fully with you.
Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details
(address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.
Regards
PC *****
************
Community Beat Officer
Dear PC ****
First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my
original e-mail. 16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for
Leith Police station and rest assured that I will forward these details
To Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book.
Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has it’s own community
beat officer. May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert
skills.
In the five or so years I have lived in West Cromwell Street , I have
Never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and
infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the
moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin?
It’s surely only a matter of time before you are headhunted by MI5.
Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place
In Leith such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care
and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using
words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these twats that they
might want to play their strange football game elsewhere. The pitch
behind the Citadel or the one at DKs are both within spitting distance as is
the bottom of the Albert Dock.
Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to
contact me on ******. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to
answer,
I’ll buy you a large one in the Compass Bar.
Regards
***********
P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you
don’t work for the cleansing department.
-
While a part of me feels cunty for laughing at a baby...isn't this just the ugliest and spazzy looking baby ever? :green:
(http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs138.snc1/5920_241811215006_616690006_7945872_1731445_n.jpg)
(http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs138.snc1/5920_241811200006_616690006_7945870_1342838_n.jpg)
(http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs246.snc1/9319_266283035006_616690006_8472806_1913013_n.jpg)
-
(http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs138.snc1/5920_241842395006_616690006_7946536_2234739_n.jpg)
Demon baby :zombiefuck:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvkX6F5io7Y
-
Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answering service
Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith police
station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and
try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this
meassage on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or Ouija board.
As I’m writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments
(I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street which is just off
Commercial Street in Leith . Six of them seem happy enough to play a game
which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of
a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout
the entire building. This game is now in it’s third week and as I am
unsure how the scoring sytem works, I have no idea if it will end any time
soon.
The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several
bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully
dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is
setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it’s only a
matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of
calor gas that is lying on it’s side between the two bins. If they could
be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily
leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches.
Unfortuneatly they are far more likely to blow up half the street with
Them and I’ve just finished decorating the kitchen.
What I suggest is this. after replying to this e-mail with worthless
assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with,
why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when
there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car
before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course
serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.
I trust that when I take a clawhammer to the skull of one of these
throwbacks you’ll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head
start before coming to arrest me.
I remain sir, your obedient servant
********
Mr *******,
I have read your e-mail and understand your frustration at the problems
caused by youths playing in the area and the problems you have
encountered in trying to contact the police.
As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an
offer of discussing the matter fully with you.
Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details
(address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.
Regards
PC *****
************
Community Beat Officer
Dear PC ****
First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my
original e-mail. 16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for
Leith Police station and rest assured that I will forward these details
To Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book.
Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has it’s own community
beat officer. May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert
skills.
In the five or so years I have lived in West Cromwell Street , I have
Never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and
infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the
moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin?
It’s surely only a matter of time before you are headhunted by MI5.
Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place
In Leith such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care
and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using
words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these twats that they
might want to play their strange football game elsewhere. The pitch
behind the Citadel or the one at DKs are both within spitting distance as is
the bottom of the Albert Dock.
Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to
contact me on ******. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to
answer,
I’ll buy you a large one in the Compass Bar.
Regards
***********
P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you
don’t work for the cleansing department.
:LMAO:
I wondered why they have so much crime when there are cameras almost everywhere and now I have the answer.
-
(http://www.grabup.com/uploads/8b176dbd78b5c9d1749e1eceebeb6e5f.png)
-
You know, I just now realized exactly what it is about you that puts people off.
Whenever someone disagrees with you or rejects you, you assume there is something wrong with them. You can't understand that someone would have different thoughts and emotions than yourself. You have mind-blindness, or theory of mind impairment.
This is a classic autistic trait.
The theory of mind (ToM) impairment describes a difficulty someone would have with perspective taking. This is also sometimes referred to as mind-blindness. This means that individuals with a ToM impairment would have a hard time seeing things from any other perspective than their own.[30] Individuals who experience a theory of mind deficit have difficulty determining the intentions of others, lack understanding of how their behavior affects others, and have a difficult time with social reciprocity.[31] In 1985 Simon Baron-Cohen, Alan M. Leslie and Uta Frith published research which suggested that children with autism do not employ a theory of mind,[32] and suggested that children with autism have particular difficulties with tasks requiring the child to understand another person's beliefs. These difficulties persist when children are matched for verbal skills (Happe, 1995, Child Development) and have been taken as a key feature of autism.
This is not meant as a personal attack, merely an observation.
Actually its not like that at all. Soy has different views to me, only a few things I agree with him on, but he makes me laugh. Its when people have this bitterness about them, and no humility. Like Bint, TCO, Elle. They're the only people I have problems with, anyone else seems to have redeeming factors. I think its they way they are so childish. And plus I think you'll find, its where I have disagreed with something and then they didn't like my view, so they flew off the handle. So your wikipedia description actually comes closer to fitting those 3. I admit I don't like people disagreeing with my tastes in music or comedy though, but its something i'm working on :P
-
Actually its not like that at all. Soy has different views to me, only a few things I agree with him on, but he makes me laugh. Its when people have this bitterness about them, and no humility. Like Bint, TCO, Elle. They're the only people I have problems with, anyone else seems to have redeeming factors. I think its they way they are so childish. And plus I think you'll find, its where I have disagreed with something and then they didn't like my view, so they flew off the handle. So your wikipedia description actually comes closer to fitting those 3. I admit I don't like people disagreeing with my tastes in music or comedy though, but its something i'm working on :P
I think you are taking them the wrong way. You have to understand, you need to have a thick skin here. People are going to give you a lot of shit, and people's opinion of you are going to be based upon how you handle it.
When someone gives you a little bit of static, you tend to resort to baseless ad hominem attacks.
The ribbing people here give each other is mainly done in a playful way. Just relax and don't take things so personally. People want to like you, just give them a chance.
-
Its a forum, I like being nasty of forums. But its all a game by me too, I wouldn't wish anything bad on anyone here.
-
Its a forum, I like being nasty of forums. But its all a game by me too, I wouldn't wish anything bad on anyone here.
I prefer to antagonize those who I feel deserve it for a justified reason. Otherwise I try to be reasonable most of the time.
-
Come on... let's keep petty bickering out of what is supposed to a thread of humour. If you please :)
-
Actually, you bypassed the callouts and went straight into the arena. There are procedures here, you know. :green:
Q: What is the most painful thing to see?
A: Two bitches being slapped around the ring.
:popcorn:
-
Its a forum, I like being nasty of forums. But its all a game by me too, I wouldn't wish anything bad on anyone here.
I prefer to antagonize those who I feel deserve it for a justified reason. Otherwise I try to be reasonable most of the time.
Yeah, my actions are always justified ;)
-
Let's get back on track people. ;)
(http://www.motifake.com/demotivational-poster/0801/ninjas-demotivational-poster-1201803218.jpg)
-
.
-
people tell me i look like him^
-
Do they give you an uzi? :lol:
-
people tell me i look like him^
He looks creepily like my most recent ex in that shot.
-
people tell me i look like him^
it's the eyes
-
people tell me i look like him^
He looks creepily like my most recent ex in that shot.
You have a lot of creepy ex's
-
Creepy ex's :zombiefuck:
-
no one has given me an uzi, but someone did once let me fire a mac 10, which is similar. i wouldnt want anything like that. they are too squirly. id take a m-16 though.
i was known as mr pink for a while.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1gwVIhJ8II
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWQFI0UlqOg
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4a0sS3ARV8
-
That dude played Blackadder's dad, the King.
Knew I'd heard that voice before.
-
I had a great meal
Just a great fucking meal
Had to go to the bathroom so bad
I had shit in my fucking pants.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2Dn0hs-CM8&feature=related
-
people tell me i look like him^
He looks creepily like my most recent ex in that shot.
You have a lot of creepy ex's
Nah, just one total creeper, and the lookalike ain't him. The visual comparison is mainly due to the hair length and tendency to act like a dork.
-
That dude played Blackadder's dad, the King.
Knew I'd heard that voice before.
I first saw (and heard) him on SPACE: 1999. He played Dr. Cabot Rowland in 'Death's Other Dominion'(Series 1) and 'The Metamorph' (Series 2) as Mentor (Maya's father). His wife Hildegard Neil (they've been married since 1978) appeared in another episode of this series. He also appeared on DR WHO during the end of Colin Baker's run, playing King Yrcanos in "The Trial of a Time Lord." And he is a lifelong friend of Patrick Stewart, having met him when they were starting out at the Old Vic. (Actually, I've learnt that they knew each other even earlier; Stewart lived one village over from Blessed-- Mirfield in Yorkshire--whereas Blessed was born in Goldthorpe in Yorkshire. Stewart is about 2 years younger than Blessed, and apparently, every time they meet, Stewart worries aloud that Blessed will die on Everest. IMO, I don't think BB would mind dying on Everest, as long as a) he'd reached the summit and b) Hildegard was with him (in some form or other))
Other fun facts: According to Wikipedia, he is an avid mountain climber and adventurer:
"He climbed Mont Blanc at the age of seventeen, and he has remained an active mountaineer throughout his life. Though he has never reached the summit, he has tried to climb Mount Everest on three separate occasions. During his attempt in 1993, the then 56-year-old climbed higher than any other man of his age; the height record was later broken by Sir Ranulph Fiennes in 2009. He has successfully climbed Aconcagua in Argentina as well as Kilimanjaro in Tanzania. He also holds the record for being the oldest man to trek on foot to the magnetic North Pole, and has undertaken an expedition deep into the jungles of Venezuela."
If he ever runs dry on acting roles, he'd be a smash as a comic actor. Paul Merton was practically in stitches for half the show.
-
I didn't even get half the jokes they were making, and I was in tears the whole time watching that.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4qt1iMo6oM
-
My friend posted that on Facebook! :green:
I smoke and I'm gay (well kinda). I are cool 8)
-
Ah, dammit, The Onion got me again!
-
Person #1: Do you smoke after sex?
Person #2: Dunno. Haven't looked.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_00S2X04kA8
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4qt1iMo6oM
:laugh:
Cigarettes are called fags for a reason you know. :zoinks:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4qt1iMo6oM
seems a little fishy to me. that cant be for real, and if it is i think the shit is going to hit the fan.
-
yeah thought so, how does the onion get away with using the cdc's name and logo?
funny shit tho, actually kinda pissed me off at first. ive been :pwned: by the onion
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGnlF8fXy6Q (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGnlF8fXy6Q)
-
A good woman does seventy things around the house. Cook and...
-
That dude played Blackadder's dad, the King.
Knew I'd heard that voice before.
I first saw (and heard) him on SPACE: 1999. He played Dr. Cabot Rowland in 'Death's Other Dominion'(Series 1) and 'The Metamorph' (Series 2) as Mentor (Maya's father). His wife Hildegard Neil (they've been married since 1978) appeared in another episode of this series. He also appeared on DR WHO during the end of Colin Baker's run, playing King Yrcanos in "The Trial of a Time Lord." And he is a lifelong friend of Patrick Stewart, having met him when they were starting out at the Old Vic.
Other fun facts: According to Wikipedia, he is an avid mountain climber and adventurer:
"He climbed Mont Blanc at the age of seventeen, and he has remained an active mountaineer throughout his life. Though he has never reached the summit, he has tried to climb Mount Everest on three separate occasions. During his attempt in 1993, the then 56-year-old climbed higher than any other man of his age; the height record was later broken by Sir Ranulph Fiennes in 2009. He has successfully climbed Aconcagua in Argentina as well as Kilimanjaro in Tanzania. He also holds the record for being the oldest man to trek on foot to the magnetic North Pole, and has undertaken an expedition deep into the jungles of Venezuela."
If he ever runs dry on acting roles, he'd be a smash as a comic actor. Paul Merton was practically in stitches for half the show.
He was in the Flash Gordon feature film, too. Aorund 1980 if I'm not mistaken.
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thinking_ahead.png)
-
Riccardo Patrese drives wife crazy in Civic Type-R
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIhGJyLR6TI&feature=rec-HM-r2
-
:o
-
Baby wants his bottle.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTxkxG3DF4k (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTxkxG3DF4k)
-
(http://cdn.holytaco.com/www/sites/default/files/photo/a3/6786/I-Find-Humerus_500x500.jpg)
(http://www.touchofeurope.net/mm5/graphics/00000001/feb%2024%20part1%20004.jpg)
-
video on facefuck:
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1047514223313
-
video on facefuck:
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1047514223313
:zombiefuck:
-
http://itemnotasdescribed.com
-
This is hilarious and gives me a new found respect for golf:
http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=4545614 (http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=4545614)
-
Did this woman go on a date with Randy?
http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/10/08/just-wrote-to-say-i-never-think-of-you/
-
This is hilarious and gives me a new found respect for golf:
http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=4545614 (http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=4545614)
(http://thenastyboys.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/gilm083.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vC_zK16sosw
-
:lol:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEMUa59WbIU
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vC_zK16sosw
lmao
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdhidOf-ciE
-
^ boxer shorts... K Mart.... 400 Oak St.... these are Hanes 32.... boxer shorts..... 'course your shorts are on the highway.
-
boxer shorts?
-
97X - Bam! The Future of Rock & Roll!
97X - Bam! The Future of Rock & Roll!
97X - Bam! The Future of Rock & Roll!
97X - Oh, shut up!
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lXh2n0aPyw&feature=player_embedded#
-
How to ROFL.
(http://9gag.com/photo/3546_540.jpg)
-
(http://blogs.browardpalmbeach.com/cleanplatecharlie/mcdonalds_abuse.jpg)
-
(http://probablybadnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/enhanced-buzz-19958-1249593.jpg)
Thinly veiled threat?
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oW0vhNRMFVQ
-
My stomach hurts from laughing:
http://probablybadnews.com
-
:)
yep, very good
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpcUxwpOQ_A&feature=rec-HM-fresh+div
-
I friggin LOVE Beaker!!! :lol:
I have to put that up on my website tonight. Also the piano one you posted too. I sent that one to my famliy. :thumbup:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I66aySW4le8&feature=related
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4rUiV_Hh74&feature=PlayList&p=tFZnpTzVqIo
-
Sexy Abe Lincoln ~ "Wouldn't you like to fore score with me?" bwahaha..that was priceless.
-
Bloody Hell! I didn't know there was a Part 4 and 5! I didn't write this!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFeJGbLtuog
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIqV7aIgLnA
-
How to ROFL.
(http://9gag.com/photo/3546_540.jpg)
I did that recently and embarrassed my sig other. Granted, it was at a memorial service, but his widow had just cracked a magnificent joke and I just lost it. I felt like Brian Blessed!
-
97X - Bam! The Future of Rock & Roll!
97X - Bam! The Future of Rock & Roll!
97X - Bam! The Future of Rock & Roll!
97X - Oh STFU, you twats!
Fixed. ;)
-
Besides, everyone knows I'M the future of rock'n'roll--me and Brian Blessed!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFnmT82yGpk
-
That dude played Blackadder's dad, the King.
Knew I'd heard that voice before.
I first saw (and heard) him on SPACE: 1999. He played Dr. Cabot Rowland in 'Death's Other Dominion'(Series 1) and 'The Metamorph' (Series 2) as Mentor (Maya's father). His wife Hildegard Neil (they've been married since 1978) appeared in another episode of this series. He also appeared on DR WHO during the end of Colin Baker's run, playing King Yrcanos in "The Trial of a Time Lord." And he is a lifelong friend of Patrick Stewart, having met him when they were starting out at the Old Vic.
Other fun facts: According to Wikipedia, he is an avid mountain climber and adventurer:
"He climbed Mont Blanc at the age of seventeen, and he has remained an active mountaineer throughout his life. Though he has never reached the summit, he has tried to climb Mount Everest on three separate occasions. During his attempt in 1993, the then 56-year-old climbed higher than any other man of his age; the height record was later broken by Sir Ranulph Fiennes in 2009. He has successfully climbed Aconcagua in Argentina as well as Kilimanjaro in Tanzania. He also holds the record for being the oldest man to trek on foot to the magnetic North Pole, and has undertaken an expedition deep into the jungles of Venezuela."
If he ever runs dry on acting roles, he'd be a smash as a comic actor. Paul Merton was practically in stitches for half the show.
He was in the Flash Gordon feature film, too. Aorund 1980 if I'm not mistaken.
True that:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFnmT82yGpk
-
another classic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfh4Mhp-a6U
-
another classic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfh4Mhp-a6U
That squirrel is awesome :laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N01vThrQ40Q
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wS5xOZ7Rq8
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc86ZXFsriM&feature=popular
-
(http://www.funpic.hu/files/pics/00034/00034242.jpg)
:LMAO:
-
That's absolutely disgusting :aff:
-
It's a lit thing :laugh:
-
The Japanese hidden camera show “Panic Face King” tricks man into thinking that he is filming a documentary about telephone scammers. Shortly after the interview begins, a sniper attacks, delivering what appear to be fatal wounds to everyone else in the room.
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=fe3_1255457078
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wS5xOZ7Rq8
Hey, waddaya know, it shows my mother's soon-to-be ex-husband at 1:57 and then again at 2:20. :zoinks:
-
The Japanese hidden camera show “Panic Face King” tricks man into thinking that he is filming a documentary about telephone scammers. Shortly after the interview begins, a sniper attacks, delivering what appear to be fatal wounds to everyone else in the room.
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=fe3_1255457078
Jesus, Japan is fucked up.
-
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2005/sep/08/badscience.research
-
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/aug/24/charlie-brooker-screens-invasion
"All we city dwellers need is a screen to have sex with and the circle is complete. Panasonic is doubtless perfecting some hideous LCD orifice technology as we speak. Probably one that makes 3D adverts appear in your head at the point of orgasm. Coco Pops are so chocolatey they even turn the milk brown. Now pass me a tissue."
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http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/aug/03/hollywood-ideas-charlie-brooker
Did I mention I adore this man? I am pissing myself:
Obviously, these are desperate times. With that in mind, here are three deceptively great movie ideas for Hollywood to pinch at its leisure:
Title Come Alive!
Synopsis God decides to grant evangelical preacher Will Ferrell the power to heal the sick with his fingertips. But the almighty's lightning bolt misses its target, hitting Will's penis instead. Now Will is cursed with the miraculous ability to cure any disease or fix any injury – but only if he has full sexual intercourse with the patient. Since Will is also a 45-year-old unmarried virgin with strong views on sex outside marriage, it won't be an easy ride!
Review What starts as a regulation gross-out comedy soon takes an unsettling turn as Will faces an agonising decision at his father's deathbed, before building to a frankly unbelievable conclusion in which a terrorist cell releases the Ebola virus in the local donkey sanctuary . . . and only one man can save the day.
Title Hollywood Mosquito 3D
Synopsis Seizing on the current vogue for 3D Imax releases, Hollywood Mosquito 3D is a cinematic spectacle shot entirely from the point of view of a hungry mosquito flying around Los Angeles during a heatwave. Filmed with microscopic high-definition cameras, the action consists of eye-popping and shockingly frank sequences in which the naked, breathing bodies of your favourite Hollywood stars are transformed into immense, surreal landscapes: living canyons of flesh for you to fly over, around . . . even inside.
Review No blemish is left secret, no crevice goes unexplored, and absolutely no blushes are spared in this bluntly explicit thrill ride starring Harvey Keitel, Megan Fox, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Anjelica Huston, Mickey Rourke and Zac Efron.
Title Nic Cage: My Life as John Lennon the Cow
Synopsis In this groundbreaking experimental documentary and extreme "method acting" challenge Nicolas Cage spends an entire year living life as a cow – standing in fields, eating grass, crapping on all fours, with no human contact whatsoever. Having spent 365 days becoming fully immersed in the cow mindset, he is unceremoniously whisked to New York's Dakota building where he must simulate the last eight weeks of John Lennon's life while retaining his bovine perspective and continuing to wear his prosthetic hooves.
Review Cage's brave attempt to experience Lennon's final days through a cow's eyes offers a refreshing insight into the ex-Beatle's musical genius, as well as a hilarious scene in which, frustrated by his inability to play the chords to Jealous Guy thanks to his hooves, he angrily butts his head against the sideboard and drops a manpat on the carpet.
-
One more and that's my spam quota fulfilled for tonight:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2009/aug/01/screen-burn-spanish-flu
-
I dunno why but this song just makes me larf so much:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gp09Sdrw2W4
-
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/aug/03/hollywood-ideas-charlie-brooker
Did I mention I adore this man? I am pissing myself:
Obviously, these are desperate times. With that in mind, here are three deceptively great movie ideas for Hollywood to pinch at its leisure:
Title Come Alive!
Synopsis God decides to grant evangelical preacher Will Ferrell the power to heal the sick with his fingertips. But the almighty's lightning bolt misses its target, hitting Will's penis instead. Now Will is cursed with the miraculous ability to cure any disease or fix any injury – but only if he has full sexual intercourse with the patient. Since Will is also a 45-year-old unmarried virgin with strong views on sex outside marriage, it won't be an easy ride!
Review What starts as a regulation gross-out comedy soon takes an unsettling turn as Will faces an agonising decision at his father's deathbed, before building to a frankly unbelievable conclusion in which a terrorist cell releases the Ebola virus in the local donkey sanctuary . . . and only one man can save the day.
Title Hollywood Mosquito 3D
Synopsis Seizing on the current vogue for 3D Imax releases, Hollywood Mosquito 3D is a cinematic spectacle shot entirely from the point of view of a hungry mosquito flying around Los Angeles during a heatwave. Filmed with microscopic high-definition cameras, the action consists of eye-popping and shockingly frank sequences in which the naked, breathing bodies of your favourite Hollywood stars are transformed into immense, surreal landscapes: living canyons of flesh for you to fly over, around . . . even inside.
Review No blemish is left secret, no crevice goes unexplored, and absolutely no blushes are spared in this bluntly explicit thrill ride starring Harvey Keitel, Megan Fox, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Anjelica Huston, Mickey Rourke and Zac Efron.
Title Nic Cage: My Life as John Lennon the Cow
Synopsis In this groundbreaking experimental documentary and extreme "method acting" challenge Nicolas Cage spends an entire year living life as a cow – standing in fields, eating grass, crapping on all fours, with no human contact whatsoever. Having spent 365 days becoming fully immersed in the cow mindset, he is unceremoniously whisked to New York's Dakota building where he must simulate the last eight weeks of John Lennon's life while retaining his bovine perspective and continuing to wear his prosthetic hooves.
Review Cage's brave attempt to experience Lennon's final days through a cow's eyes offers a refreshing insight into the ex-Beatle's musical genius, as well as a hilarious scene in which, frustrated by his inability to play the chords to Jealous Guy thanks to his hooves, he angrily butts his head against the sideboard and drops a manpat on the carpet.
:lol: :plus:
-
This cat is so friggin cute!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeTkxdU0uw (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeTkxdU0uw)
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Awww it's adorable :laugh:
-
That's cute. She looks like she's wearing eyeliner.
-
That's exactly what I thought!!! Cosmo is a great name for a cat too.
-
This cat is so friggin cute!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeTkxdU0uw (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeTkxdU0uw)
Equal parts cute and sad..I just want to give the kitty a hug!
-
lmao this is stupid but hilarious
you probably won't find it funny if you don't know anything about football btw
alex ferguson misses the bus:
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=155932338850
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My son found this today with much laughter. I now present the penis lego
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/012-14.jpg)
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^ It's things like that which make me say that kids rock. It's like the other day when I was laying on the couch and my 4 year old daughter came and sat on my butt and said "Mummy, don't move" so I said okay (thinking she didn't want to fall off) and then she fell into a heap of hysterical laughter. I asked her what was so funny and she said "I just farted on you." She was crying she was laughing so hard. :laugh:
-
My little boy is snoring and farting at the same time. Very musical. At one point he nearly woke himself up. :green:
-
Now that is pure talent!!! :lol: I bet it's something he does as an adult too. You should mention it to his future partner should he ever decide to live with someone. :green:
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Now that is pure talent!!! :lol: I bet it's something he does as an adult too. You should mention it to his future partner should he ever decide to live with someone. :green:
Now that must rate right up there with photos of him as a toddler naked. :P
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Bah. Naked toddling pics are worse than funny stories. He'd disown you for the first, but blush at the second. :green:
-
(http://chickencrap.com/images/3447.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVjzd320gew&feature=rec-HM-r2
-
Why did the NT cross the road?
To get to the party on the other side.
Why did the aspie cross the road?
To get away from the party on the same side of the road.
-
Not funny :thumbdn:
-
Not funny :thumbdn:
Why?
I thought it was when I read them.
-
Why did the NT cross the road?
To get to the party on the other side.
Why did the aspie cross the road?
To get away from the party on the same side of the road.
I'll go to parties when there is alcohol or weed involved, they're fun!
-
Q. How many NTs does it take to change a light bulb?
A1. Three. One to hold the bulb, and two to spin the ladder.
A2. One. He holds the bulb up and waits for the world to spin around him.
A3. ...?
Fnord told it.
-
That's not funny either.
-
How many aspies does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they're really lazy fucks and will get someone else to do it. :zoinks:
-
That's not funny either.
Why?
-
That's not funny either.
Why?
For one it's stupidly offensive, and for another it's not even accurate to NTs.
-
That's not funny either.
Why?
For one it's stupidly offensive, and for another it's not even accurate to NTs.
This thread will explain it all.
http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=17323
-
That's not funny either.
Why?
For one it's stupidly offensive, and for another it's not even accurate to NTs.
This thread will explain it all.
http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=17323
You have to be logged in to see it. And I wouldn't register on AFF even if a gun was held to head. Farking militants.
-
That's not funny either.
Why?
For one it's stupidly offensive, and for another it's not even accurate to NTs.
The best jokes are stupidly offensive. :orly:
That said, I found the jokes not funny because they were bland as shit. Fnord has no sense of humour.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccA3NHBZ-pk
-
Rene Descartes walks into a bar and sits dowm at the counter. The bartender walks up to him and asks if he wants something to drink. Descartes says "I think not" and he disappears! :laugh:
-
Rene Descartes walks into a bar and sits dowm at the counter. The bartender walks up to him and asks if he wants something to drink. Descartes says "I think not" and he disappears! :laugh:
So I take it philosophical humor is too highbrow for you unedumacated fucks!! :hahaha:
-
Do not underestimate the power of dick and fart jokes.
-
An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining cabins at an old motel.
First the engineer's coffee maker catches fire. He smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and goes back to sleep.
Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. He wakes up and sees that a cigarette butt has set the trash can on fire. He says to himself, "Hmm. How does one put out a fire? One can reduce the temperature of the fuel below the flash point, isolate the burning material from oxygen, or both. This could be accomplished by applying water." So he picks up the trash can, puts it in the shower stall, turns on the water, and, when the fire is out, goes back to sleep.
The mathematician, of course, has been watching all this out the window. So later, when he finds that his pipe ashes have set the bedsheet on fire, he is not in the least taken aback. He says: "Aha! A solution exists!" and goes back to sleep.
-
An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining cabins at an old motel.
First the engineer's coffee maker catches fire. He smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and goes back to sleep.
Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. He wakes up and sees that a cigarette butt has set the trash can on fire. He says to himself, "Hmm. How does one put out a fire? One can reduce the temperature of the fuel below the flash point, isolate the burning material from oxygen, or both. This could be accomplished by applying water." So he picks up the trash can, puts it in the shower stall, turns on the water, and, when the fire is out, goes back to sleep.
The mathematician, of course, has been watching all this out the window. So later, when he finds that his pipe ashes have set the bedsheet on fire, he is not in the least taken aback. He says: "Aha! A solution exists!" and goes back to sleep.
:laugh:
In the telling I've heard of this, the 3rd person is a Statistitian. He wakes up and starts more fires. The engineer and chemist look at him and ask WTF are you doing? He replies; "I'm getting a larger sample group"!
-
That's not funny either.
Why?
For one it's stupidly offensive, and for another it's not even accurate to NTs.
This thread will explain it all.
http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=17323
You have to be logged in to see it. And I wouldn't register on AFF even if a gun was held to head. Farking militants.
That's harsh
-
Rene Descartes walks into a bar and sits dowm at the counter. The bartender walks up to him and asks if he wants something to drink. Descartes says "I think not" and he disappears! :laugh:
No "I think therefore I am".
Rene Descarte posed a philosophical question on what if a Malevolent Daemon had convinced you that what you were seeing and experiencing was real, but this perception was not to be trusted as it was a deception and the perceptions were from that Daemon. Your reality is therefore faulty and you have no way of proving what is "real" as it may be deceived from this trickster Daemon. Anything you use to prove it based on learned experience is similarly compromised as it is housed in the questionable realms of being linked to your perception on what is real and again leads to what if that too was faulty. How can one prove even their own existence?
That about right?
I think this was probably the basis for the "Matrix" movies.
I say good luck to the Daemon. I don't care too much I like things as they are and the bliss that comes with such ignorance.
Then again I am an unedumacated fuck. :)
-
That's not funny either.
Why?
For one it's stupidly offensive, and for another it's not even accurate to NTs.
This thread will explain it all.
http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=17323
You have to be logged in to see it. And I wouldn't register on AFF even if a gun was held to head. Farking militants.
That's harsh
Perhaps...
-
Then again I am an unedumacated fuck. :)
You strike me as being as unedumacated as Albert Einstein. :)
No "I think therefore I am".
Rene Descarte posed a philosophical question on what if a Malevolent Daemon had convinced you that what you were seeing and experiencing was real, but this perception was not to be trusted as it was a deception and the perceptions were from that Daemon. Your reality is therefore faulty and you have no way of proving what is "real" as it may be deceived from this trickster Daemon. Anything you use to prove it based on learned experience is similarly compromised as it is housed in the questionable realms of being linked to your perception on what is real and again leads to what if that too was faulty. How can one prove even their own existence?
That about right?
Basicaly yes, Descartes replied that existance is seperate from perceptions of reality, because even if we are perceiving an illusion, whatever is perceiving the illusion must exist.
I think this was probably the basis for the "Matrix" movies.
I say good luck to the Daemon. I don't care too much I like things as they are and the bliss that comes with such ignorance.
These questions of epistemology existed long before Rene Descartes. Plato's Alegory of the Cave comes to mind. If you ask me, it doesn't matter one bit if this is all just an illusion, it doesn't change how you live life day to day.
-
Rene Descartes walks into a bar and sits dowm at the counter. The bartender walks up to him and asks if he wants something to drink. Descartes says "I think not" and he disappears! :laugh:
No "I think therefore I am".
Rene Descarte posed a philosophical question on what if a Malevolent Daemon had convinced you that what you were seeing and experiencing was real, but this perception was not to be trusted as it was a deception and the perceptions were from that Daemon. Your reality is therefore faulty and you have no way of proving what is "real" as it may be deceived from this trickster Daemon. Anything you use to prove it based on learned experience is similarly compromised as it is housed in the questionable realms of being linked to your perception on what is real and again leads to what if that too was faulty. How can one prove even their own existence?
That about right?
I think this was probably the basis for the "Matrix" movies.
I say good luck to the Daemon. I don't care too much I like things as they are and the bliss that comes with such ignorance.
Then again I am an unedumacated fuck. :)
what the hell did you just say
-
Basicaly yes, Descartes replied that existance is seperate from perceptions of reality, because even if we are perceiving an illusion, whatever is perceiving the illusion must exist.
These questions of epistemology existed long before Rene Descartes. Plato's Alegory of the Cave comes to mind. If you ask me, it doesn't matter one bit if this is all just an illusion, it doesn't change how you live life day to day.
I imagine him smirking as he rewarded the courts of the nobles who spent hour upon hour trying to come up with an answer, with the simple phrase "I think therefore I am". :P
You are right though. We are what we are and our experience and our reality make us. Good, bad, indifferent or even completely based on illusions. It is ours.
Now back to spamming :P
-
Now I wonder if Descartes had a sense of humour.
-
Now I wonder if Descartes had a sense of humour.
If he thought he did, or if other people thought he did?
-
(http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm128/tylerjt96/Scoob6ydoo.jpg)
-
:lol:
-
(http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm128/tylerjt96/Scoob6ydoo.jpg)
:plus:
-
(http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a260/Canuk1975/OMGIthoughtyouweredead.jpg)
-
I've always thought about this when getting my oil changed
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUr4XMfqjlA
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QGG6X5w8qs
-
I'm pretty sure that at the end there, they said "oh fuck!" in French. :laugh:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7Qog10mZ5Q
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pj2Nutu5v8&feature=rec-HM-fresh+div
-
Awww :lol:
-
(http://www.sparkcaster.com/demotivational/images/boobs%202.jpg)
-
Boooobies :thumbup:
-
(http://www.sparkcaster.com/demotivational/images/boobs%202.jpg)
I just saved that pic. :thumbup:
-
:lol:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tqEBQjWRws
-
http://crazythingsparentssay.com
-
101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact. :orly:
97. Never break eye contact..
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
-
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
Ha! Now I know why you want to learn how to use a sewing machine!!! I'm so fucking brilliant I amaze even myself. You've been foiled yet again Mr. Eathboundmisfit.
-
I';ms o gonna try all of those
-
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
Ha! Now I know why you want to learn how to use a sewing machine!!! I'm so fucking brilliant I amaze even myself. You've been foiled yet again Mr. Eathboundmisfit.
Nooo, those are better done by hand. More stealthy.
I actually want to learn how to use one so I can do interior work on my car.
-
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
Ha! Now I know why you want to learn how to use a sewing machine!!! I'm so fucking brilliant I amaze even myself. You've been foiled yet again Mr. Eathboundmisfit.
Nooo, those are better done by hand. More stealthy.
I actually want to learn how to use one so I can do interior work on my car.
Bah. Way to steal my thunder. :P
That would be cool though. You could learn over the winter. It's easy enough to pick up.
-
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
Ha! Now I know why you want to learn how to use a sewing machine!!! I'm so fucking brilliant I amaze even myself. You've been foiled yet again Mr. Eathboundmisfit.
All you really have to do is leave them sticky side up around the store for people to step on >:D
-
Or put them inside people's shoes.
Yeah I don't even have to work at trying 96. :P
-
Thanks EBMF. Read half of them aloud in Dutch here. :laugh: :laugh:
82 I do see happening though. Not just once. I always am amazed that some do take it off in September then.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ht-JWdN8VN0
Betcha this corrupts what you're thinking when you hear a Vaccum cleaner running!
-
:lol: :plus:
-
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MLXFXcbMy4Q/SsX25Q-0xCI/AAAAAAAACtk/PdZZCMBOB68/s1600/VennDiagram_jesus.gif)
-
101 Ways To Annoy People
[...]
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Hey, that's worked out kinda well for me!!!
Lolled many a time reading thru.
-
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1923743
-
Haha, that guy is clearly an ass pie.
-
(http://www.readthesmiths.com/articles/Images/Humor/Fail/15388_10c2k2vpEH6T2im.jpg)
-
awww....poor pup. :lol:
-
:lol:
Wonder what they bribed him with.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PB-sNQUDGYI
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PB-sNQUDGYI
I haven't seen that one in a while. The subtitles :laugh: "Look a potato!"
and what kind of kid says good bye to his piss and shit?
and it looks like the toilet is in the living room
and the end with the little kid straining it's so disturbing
i love it.
-
(http://abstrusegoose.com/strips/there_are_four_lights.PNG)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V7zbWNznbs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V7zbWNznbs)
-
Saw this on ED and immediately lol'd
Are some people honestly THAT stupid? I really do think so. :laugh:
-
^ :lol:
-
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/epic-fail-christmas-lights-win.jpg)
-
People in the house on the right rule :laugh:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBtk67lcpyw
-
This review utterly RAPES the Twilight books so epically, it must be watched lol:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSDpHSdtiOw
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DViogbPTH4&feature=sub
-
:lol:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DViogbPTH4&feature=sub
Thought this belonged in the tutorial thread on how to date for aspies.
Reposting it is a good idea. Top class material.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByZqx30OvVs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByZqx30OvVs)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByZqx30OvVs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByZqx30OvVs)
I start lauvghin before looking at it. its so hillarious.
-
While I'm currently focused on the "Mary sue fanfiction that was actually somehow published faggotry that is Twilight" for lulz, thought I'd add this...
Behold, the epitome of human retardation, the obsessive twilight fangirls aka Twitards:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Twitard (http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Twitard)
-
Don't ask why I lol so hard watching this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCLskTBwBfk
Ear rape warning.
-
(http://archiearchive.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/farmer.jpg)
(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_geJoTSLzNrU/SldsLh-LkPI/AAAAAAAAATU/b-5BOsolYk4/s400/Math.jpg)
-
This is a bit long (about twenty minutes), but I laughed the whole time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=in6RZzdGki8
-
I hope that's atill around when S is old enough for the language because he would pee himself laughing. that's hilarious. :laugh:
-
I hope that's atill around when S is old enough for the language because he would pee himself laughing. that's hilarious. :laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUsBJso6ChM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJfvgqYSN2E&feature=related
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You rock!! I'm going to email that to S. His longest obsession is Mario. :thumbup:
I love this skit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zey8567bcg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zey8567bcg)
-
This is a bit long (about twenty minutes), but I laughed the whole time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=in6RZzdGki8
Didn't watch it all but what I did watch made me laugh, this just reminds me too much of my internal dialogue when playing video games :lol:
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You rock!! I'm going to email that to S. His longest obsession is Mario. :thumbup:
I would check them first, I didn't watch them and don't know how well they are censored.
-
You rock!! I'm going to email that to S. His longest obsession is Mario. :thumbup:
I would check them first, I didn't watch them and don't know how well they are censored.
No worries. I always double check before hitting send.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTBIHXwSLNE&annotation_id=annotation_857275&feature=iv
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXS0nEOx_20 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXS0nEOx_20)
followed up with this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zK7QsyPJcnw (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zK7QsyPJcnw)
-
(http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs042.snc3/12946_181369217381_537237381_3479695_4295474_n.jpg)
-
:zoinks:
-
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/europe/8372942.stm
hahahahahahahahaha!
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq10bz3PxyY
-
Posted more for lulz value, also some of the video comments are funny:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWOlAlKajFY
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Nuttymadam (http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Nuttymadam)
^ This is a prime example of what twitards are actually like.
-
Once all the whale, harpoon, food, and Snorlax references are discounted, yes indeed some of the comments do raise a chuckle. One I liked: "Why dont you show the VIDEO'S reaction when you were watching it?"
:emb:
Edit: A few of them were trying to make her think Pattinson had died? Now that's just plain cruel. :grrr:
-
They're just doing it for the lulz. :zoinks:
-
/me thinks about the circus that would ensue if Pattinson DID cark it
You know, Nex, I don't wish the guy ill or anything, but when you think about it, there's worse career moves he could make.
-
I doubt it, because being severely typecast is a career killer/strainer most of the time once the franchise fades, as it lowers marketability of that actor. Even he hates being typecast as Edward and is disturbed by all those BATSHIT INSANE fangirls...
Here's what Robert Pattinson thinks of Twilight:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2008/11/twilight-queer-ftw (http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2008/11/twilight-queer-ftw) :evillaugh:
“When I read it, I was convinced Stephenie was convinced that she was Bella, and it was like a book that wasn’t supposed to be published. It was like reading her sexual fantasy, especially when she said it was based on a dream and it was like, ‘Oh I’ve had this dream about this really sexy guy,’ and she just writes this book about it. Like some things about Edward are so specific, I was just convinced, like, ‘This woman is mad. She’s completely mad and she’s in love with her own fictional creation.’ And sometimes you would feel uncomfortable reading this thing. It’s kind of a sick pleasure in a lot of ways.”
-
That Filmdrunk site is most informative and enjoyable. :evillaugh:
I should have made myself more clear. The career move I had in mind is the one where you die young, pretty, and at the peak of your fame and success. >:D
-
I should have made myself more clear. The career move I had in mind is the one where you die young, pretty, and at the peak of your fame and success. >:D
So you'd be an editor then?
(from FAQ About Time Travel)
-
(Googles it) Looks like that'd be a fun one to watch. "You're the first girl I know who likes science fiction who has no piercings." - "How do you know I don't?"
:lol:
-
(http://2.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ktlxcoiL3J1qzyrwvo1_500.jpg)
-
Q: How many autistics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Autistics don't like change.
-
:D
There aren't many jokes about autistics on the internet. I found only one:
"Never say to an autistic person, you do the maths" – Wilson Dixon
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMSxvmv6l9I
-
(http://img.moronail.net/img/4/4/2044.jpg)
-
"I'd be DJ Awkwardd Beatz. Instead of hi-hat my tracks would feature stammered apologies. People would come to my shows to dance awkwardly while looking at their feet. The mood-altering substance of choice would be anti-anxiety medication"
-
(http://img.moronail.net/img/4/4/2044.jpg)
WTF
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
-
(http://img.moronail.net/img/4/4/2044.jpg)
WTF
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahajavascript:void(0);
Thinking the same thing :-\
-
har har har
thanks
-
What's the difference between a Cadillac Escalade and a golf ball??
Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 400 yards with no problem. :rofl:
-
^ :laugh:
-
What's the difference between a Cadillac Escalade and a golf ball??
Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 400 yards with no problem. :rofl:
How is that funny?
it sucks
-
What's the difference between a Cadillac Escalade and a golf ball??
Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 400 yards with no problem. :rofl:
How is that funny?
it sucks
Tiger Woods wrapped his 2009 Cadillac Escapade around a fire hydrant in a single car accident very close to his home last week.
-
(http://www.2pstart.com/comics/2009-12-02.jpg)
-
Can you say drunk off your ass there's one black man with an excellent lawyer if it was me Id still be in jail
-
Can you say drunk off your ass there's one black man with an excellent lawyer if it was me Id still be in jail
For reckless driving? I doubt it. All you'd do is pay a fine and be done with it. Just as he has.
-
Can you say drunk off your ass there's one black man with an excellent lawyer if it was me Id still be in jail
For reckless driving? I doubt it. All you'd do is pay a fine and be done with it. Just as he has.
The Us court system is stacked against the poor regardless of race
-
Can you say drunk off your ass there's one black man with an excellent lawyer if it was me Id still be in jail
For reckless driving? I doubt it. All you'd do is pay a fine and be done with it. Just as he has.
The Us court system is stacked against the poor regardless of race
That it is, though it's also racially biased.
That said, was Tiger drunk, or was he talking with his mistress on the phone?
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAaaAVJr9zg
-
This is retarded.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZeFgMwd7bI
-
(http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/101709/add-your-friends.gif)
-
(http://rockpapercynic.com/strips/2009-06-25.gif)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=414TmP12WAU
-
Saw some funny t-shirt designs...
(http://5.media.bustedtees.com/bustedtees/mf/c/4/bustedtees.e30f8b0cd86589aa4c01f8f4ac1092d0.gif)
(http://4.media.bustedtees.com/bustedtees/mf/f/1/bustedtees.7020ad9f4ec374efb8735d41ef56d89d.gif)
(http://0.media.bustedtees.com/bustedtees/mf/d/1/bustedtees.193e17bdb34ee33eb22c708155d146a9.gif)
(http://4.media.bustedtees.com/bustedtees/mf/8/c/bustedtees.193aaca8710fcdbca840220ccca87493.gif)
(http://9.media.bustedtees.com/bustedtees/mf/0/5/bustedtees.eb86b130672e3e3b978106052c192b3b.gif)
(http://8.media.bustedtees.com/bustedtees/mf/7/5/bustedtees.7593676726a7e8741c052bb56996057c.jpg)
(http://8.media.bustedtees.com/bustedtees/mf/5/4/bustedtees.50cb60b592b4f43437790d945bb25bdc.gif)
(http://5.media.bustedtees.com/bustedtees/mf/8/a/bustedtees.297bb27855c39c4fd99b5f4a78e62ab4.gif)
-
(http://8.media.bustedtees.com/bustedtees/mf/7/5/bustedtees.7593676726a7e8741c052bb56996057c.jpg)
win
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=414TmP12WAU
WHAT. THE. FUCK?
-
http://www.drankbeverage.com/
-
(http://itemnotasdescribed.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/elmo-live.gif)
My son’s Elmo Live doll stopped talking.
Cold-shoulder Elmo.
We took him apart but were unable to fix him.
Flatline Elmo? No, Humpty Dumpty Elmo sounds better.
With batteries, the pieces still move.
Sounds a little like Zombie Elmo now.
This Elmo is no longer usable as a toy.
Doorstop Elmo.
His fur has been partially removed, he doesn’t talk, etc.
Bury-Me Elmo.
Great for someone who needs spare parts
Franken-Elmo.
or likes playing with robotics/electronics.
To create the Elmo-nator.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=414TmP12WAU
WHAT. THE. FUCK?
That's some fucking awesome random shit right there!
-
(http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs119.snc3/16647_1298431383005_1297002348_885934_6476483_n.jpg)
-
:lol:
i've probably posted this before but I think it's funny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_00S2X04kA8
-
(http://www.wastedtalent.ca/comics/Misc/wt_nodepress.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWq56gcbOi8
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWq56gcbOi8
I see you went and found the rest too?
-
I did indeed. You might note the text under my avatar :P
-
Comments taken from police car videos:
1. 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'
2. 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'
3. 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'
4. 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
5. 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
6. 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'
7. 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'
8. 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.'
9. 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
10. 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'
11. 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'
12. 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
13. 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'
14. 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'
15. 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'
16. 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'
-
I did indeed. You might note the text under my avatar :P
Yep, noticed that before.
I'm a big fan of random fucked up shit, so that stuff had me in stitches.
-
http://notalwaysright.com/
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/suggestions.png)
-
(http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p209/renaeden/ADHD_by_darkart865.jpg)
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/suggestions.png)
Damn you Facebook!
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqC2URQstz4
Whoops...
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/suggestions.png)
Damn you Facebook!
I know :laugh: Or the way it suggests to you "This person has only X number of friends, suggest more friends for them". It is rather mean and intrusive 8)
-
16. 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'
:lol:
-
(http://23.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kswapszoTJ1qzu9d8o1_500.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AN5YbfFszlI
click on it as it's got disabled embedding, worth it :zoinks:
-
(http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/100609/protect-and-serve.gif)
-
WHAT THE FUCK
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldY2s9fxuPs
-
Hooray for legless dancing!
-
(http://dontclickthis.whatingods.name/farnsworth.jpg)
-
How to get a child to go to school:
http://pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF172-Cave_Explorer.jpg
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp19qiash2U
-
(http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/12/9/129048829854516560.jpg)
-
^ :lol:
Never give up hope.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp19qiash2U
Everyone should watch this. I haven't laughed like that for ages.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC73PHdQX04
-
Some one liners:
Three rights make a left.
Ban shampoo, demand real poo.
"What we see depends mainly on what we look for." -John Lubbock
"All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power." - Ashleigh Brilliant
You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends on the couch.
Frogs have it easy. They can eat what bugs them.
BE ALERT! ...The world needs more lerts.
Join the army! Travel the world, Meet interesting people, and kill them.
Me, Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
"If the shoe fits, buy it." -Imelda Marcos
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.
It's not so bad being senile; you get to meet many more people.
"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."-- Jeff Bridges
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster!
My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC73PHdQX04
I see you and raise you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqQtoMyi2xQ
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWq56gcbOi8
I see you went and found the rest too?
Me am fan of random fucked up shit too.
I wish they could hire this guy for SNL. But the censors would have a shitfit (and Samberg might too, since he writes a lot of the digital shorts)
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(http://20.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ku7pzimfv61qzer51o1_500.gif)
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(http://20.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ku7pzimfv61qzer51o1_500.gif)
:angrydance: Linkage! Gimme linkage! Waaahhh!!!!
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I totally fell for that and waited...
-
Same :facepalm2:
-
SCORE!
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=414TmP12WAU
I give it :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO:
and a HOLY FUCKING JESUS!!!!!
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqgLTfqnRlM&feature=player_embedded
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1uVi41I1oc
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(http://files.psycco.de/AngusinChristmasTree.jpg)
-
I fucking hate scat trek. :zoinks:
Would this be more to your liking then?
(http://static.funnyjunk.com/pictures/captain_picard1.gif)
-
(http://static.funnyjunk.com/pictures/douchebag_comic0.jpg)
(http://static.funnyjunk.com/pictures/thinkin_about1.jpg)
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One for Randy if he ever comes back
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:lol:
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(http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/061207/orchiectomy.gif)
-
(http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/061207/orchiectomy.gif)
It means castration and it doesn't make me squirm.
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(http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/061207/orchiectomy.gif)
It means castration and it doesn't make me squirm.
That's a very general definition...And I think it's more aimed at those upon whom orchietomy would be performed...(ie: males)
-
(http://i317.photobucket.com/albums/mm384/SleepyDragon_album/fan.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KakinPNRiDc
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByZqx30OvVs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByZqx30OvVs)
"What about pointed sticks?" "SHUT UP!!!" :LMAO:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=414TmP12WAU&feature=PlayList&p=BCC955D6718749FE&index=18
-
http://www.hulu.com/watch/1397/saturday-night-live-snl-digital-short-lazy-sunday#s-p13-sr-i2
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(http://aphrodite.extremeadvertisements.com/content/3973/resized/footstool.jpg?1244604414)
Thanks for the link SleepyDragon. :)
-
http://www.hulu.com/watch/1397/saturday-night-live-snl-digital-short-lazy-sunday#s-p13-sr-i2
:laugh:
:plus:
The next video was funny, too:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/1595/saturday-night-live-appalachian-emergency-room#play-all
-
pretending to text in awkward situations...
-
:laugh:
-
What's best about that photo is the incredibly cheerful expressions on the faces of those present. The costumes are not bad either. The black hair on the middle one is a sweet touch.
:plus:
-
:laugh:
That's a great picture, Parts. The pink one looks like it would be pretty easy to make.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTpUVAcvWfU
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTpUVAcvWfU
One of the Barnes is actor Billy Mumy, best known as the "kid who sends people into the cornfield" in the famous TWILIGHT ZONE episode, and as Will Robinson on LOST IN SPACE and Lennier on BABYLON 5.
-
I know that makes it even better
-
:asthing: :asthing: :asthing:
OMG My girls have been singing that almost everyday this holiday. Makes this video even more hilarious.
-
http://wcbstv.com/technology/bra.gas.mask.2.1351652.html
-
(http://4gifs.com/gallery/d/141747-1/Becameagod.jpg)
-
^Reminds me of Persepolis :laugh:
-
From the Associated Press:
Indian military to weaponize world's hottest chili
Mar 23, 6:19 AM (ET)
By WASBIR HUSSAIN
GAUHATI, India (AP) - The Indian military has a new weapon against terrorism: the world's hottest chili.
After conducting tests, the military has decided to use the thumb-sized "bhut jolokia," or "ghost chili," to make tear gas-like hand grenades to immobilize suspects, defense officials said Tuesday.
The bhut jolokia was accepted by Guinness World Records in 2007 as the world's spiciest chili. It is grown and eaten in India's northeast for its taste, as a cure for stomach troubles and a way to fight the crippling summer heat.
It has more than 1,000,000 Scoville units, the scientific measurement of a chili's spiciness. Classic Tabasco sauce ranges from 2,500 to 5,000 Scoville units, while jalapeno peppers measure anywhere from 2,500 to 8,000.
"The chili grenade has been found fit for use after trials in Indian defense laboratories, a fact confirmed by scientists at the Defense Research and Development Organization," Col. R. Kalia, a defense spokesman in the northeastern state of Assam, told The Associated Press.
"This is definitely going to be an effective nontoxic weapon because its pungent smell can choke terrorists and force them out of their hide-outs," R. B. Srivastava, the director of the Life Sciences Department at the New Delhi headquarters of the DRDO said.
Srivastava, who led a defense research laboratory in Assam, said trials are also on to produce bhut jolokia-based aerosol sprays to be used by women against attackers and for the police to control and disperse mobs.
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(http://i.imgur.com/afG5c.jpg)
-
(http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/time-to-fuck-441x600.jpg)
-
Good o'l CWC
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Br-yK7nbHuk
-
(http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20091224.gif)
-
Monkeyboy sent this to me yesterday. It cracks me up every time I watch it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7Dv5_60Jd4 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7Dv5_60Jd4)
-
(http://www.yeah-oops.com/wp-content/uploads/Low-Verbal-IQ-01.jpg)
(http://www.yeah-oops.com/wp-content/uploads/Low-Verbal-IQ-02.jpg)
(http://www.yeah-oops.com/wp-content/uploads/Low-Verbal-IQ-03.jpg)
(http://www.yeah-oops.com/wp-content/uploads/Low-Verbal-IQ-04.jpg)
(http://www.yeah-oops.com/wp-content/uploads/Low-Verbal-IQ-05.jpg)
-
^ :lol:
-
(http://www.firmanproductions.com/comics/2009-12-07-323-Rumble-Dry.gif)
-
(http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/CofE2.png) (http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/jehovahs1.png)
(http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/BornAgain.png) (http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Scientologist.png)
(http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Catholic.png) (http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Muslim.png)
(http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Hindu.png) (http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Humanist.png)
(http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Agnostic.png) (http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Buddhist.png)
(http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/OrthodoxJewish.png) (http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Zoroastrian.png)
Reposting this as it's awesome.
-
This woman has her priorities figured out.
-
(http://i47.tinypic.com/25utywy.jpg)
-
(http://s6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/banzai.jpg)
-
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/524391 (http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/524391)
I lol'd so hard after watching this.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWB-kd09GXY&feature=related
old, but fitting
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgHe9PwD3r8
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GU2w72KAkQQ&NR=1
-
http://www.lettersofnote.com/2009/09/ps-this-is-my-favorite-memo-ever.html
-
http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/jesus1.png
-
(http://galileoace.com/Uploaded/2010.01/EatKids.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pYtxD92SpY
-
http://www.textsfromlastnight.com
-
http://www.textsfromlastnight.com
(314): hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
(573): pat the guy you slept with
(314): still need a last name
:plus:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQs8dka52H4&feature=related
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN8YOPS-Vy8
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfL3qSjJriU&feature=related
geez whos winning the "War onDrugs" oh wait we are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esYPohsVi34
-
The new iPad.
(http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/c/c3/IPad.jpg)
:LMAO:
-
The new iPad.
(http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/c/c3/IPad.jpg)
:LMAO:
Lol, but no no no... This is the new iPad
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/ipad.jpg)
-
Posted ages ago by PI but so many new people I thought it was worth posting
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkDhh1pfG-4
-
I poststed this years ago but still funny
\
<
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUEkOVdUjHc
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(http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kwuxz6ZHNl1qz97z5o1_500.jpg)
-
Who is that?
-
David Cameron.
-
Should we know who he is?
-
Only if you're British. He's an MP, leader of the Conservatives party.
-
He doesn't want to get rid of the NHS? What a socialist.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDDIiIOFE_Q
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H28SNdvBstA&feature=related
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpVTUdfcEMg
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ir3aqD5w4qs
-
"Remember homeowners are now compelled by law to provide full disclosure of known defects when selling a house."
(http://24.media.tumblr.com/kDQLuMlQbk2wj5eavyq3P0i0o1_500.jpg)
:laugh:
-
:laugh:
:plus:
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three car garages. i could utilize the space.
-
three car garages. i could utilize the space.
I have worked on ones with 8 car garages lone was extra long for the limo. They had servants quarters above them
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three car garages. i could utilize the space.
I have worked on ones with 8 car garages lone was extra long for the limo. They had servants quarters above them
segregate the help, otherwise you may catch what they have.
-
(http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm223/skyblue1110/imwalking-1.jpg)
-
http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docid=1391943289827740318&hl=en&fs=true
http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/163402/amazing_racist.swf
http://www.youtube.com/v/2RoNemjcjGE&hl=en_US&fs=1&
-
http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2010/02/the-richard-nixon-ray-conniff-incident.html#comments
Skip the reader comments and go straight to the clips...priceless stuff
-
http://www.hulu.com/watch/126479/saturday-night-live-band-reunion-at-the-wedding#s-p2-sr-i1
-
(http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs197.snc3/20436_204546764955_204527919955_813280_128142_n.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Rw7LbrBbxY
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvF021AQcOA
-
A Bloody Great Aussie Poem
The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock
The cocky took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock.
He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs,
The float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams.
He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank
And saw a ewe down in the dam, a few yards from the bank.
"Typical bloody sheep," he thought, "they've got no common sense,
"They won't go through a gateway but they'll jump a bloody fence."
The ewe was stuck down in the mud, he knew without a doubt
She'd stay there 'til she carked it if he didn't get her out.
But when he reached the water's edge, the startled ewe broke free
And in her haste to get away, began a swimming spree.
He reckoned once her fleece was wet, the weight would drag her down
If he didn't rescue her, the stupid sod would drown.
Her style was unimpressive, her survival chances slim
He saw no other option, he would have to take a swim.
He peeled his shirt and singlet off, his trousers, boots and socks
And as he couldn't stand wet clothes, he also shed his jocks.
He jumped into the water and away that cocky swam
He caught up with her, somewhere near the middle of the dam
The ewe was quite evasive, she kept giving him the slip
He tried to grab her sodden fleece but couldn't get a grip.
At last he got her to the bank and stopped to catch his breath
She showed him little gratitude for saving her from death.
She took off like a Bondi tram around the other side
He swore next time he caught that ewe he'd hang her bloody hide.
Then round and round the dam they ran, although he felt quite puffed
He still thought he could run her down, she must be nearly stuffed.
The local stock rep came along, to pay a call that day.
He knew this bloke was on his own, his wife had gone away
He didn't really think he'd get fresh scones for morning tea
But nor was he prepared for what he was about to see.
He rubbed his eyes in disbelief at what came into view
For running down the catchment came this frantic-looking ewe.
And on her heels in hot pursuit and wearing not a stitch
The farmer yelling wildly "Come back here, you lousy bitch!"
The stock rep didn't hang around, he took off in his car
The cocky's reputation has been damaged near and far
So bear in mind the Work Safe rule when next you check your flocks
Spot the hazard, assess the risk, and always wear your jocks!
-
Made me smile:
(http://img1.visualizeus.com/thumbs/09/12/05/love,quote,weird-17633b80ee3b8135aaac94c299c02a91_h.jpg)
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(http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs264.ash1/19163_356105221232_356104411232_5170690_4245754_n.jpg)
-
(http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs264.ash1/19163_356105221232_356104411232_5170690_4245754_n.jpg)
:rofl:
-
An old pilot sat down and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes and various other aircraft types - I flew in WWII in B-29s and later in the Korean War, taught dozens of people to fly and gave rides to hundreds,
so I guess I am a pilot. What about you?'
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about
naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about
naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women.
When I watch TV, I think about naked women.
It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'
The two sat sipping in silence..
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side
of the old man and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.’
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJS76Bf-ZYo
I could use these on my new friends.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KM6pYG1DQ4s
The last thirty seconds are lame, but Shatner and Henry Rollins (yes, THAT Henry Rollins) are the AWESOME.
-
10 reasons to avoid talking on the phone:
(http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/phone/1.png)
(http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/phone/2.png)
(http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/phone/3.png)
(http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/phone/4.png)
(http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/phone/5.png)
(http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/phone/6.png)
(http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/phone/7.png)
(http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/phone/8.png)
(http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/phone/9.png)
(http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/phone/10.png)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22NdT8JeMCE
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PdKpR9qNtg
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDrgwZsGC9A&NR=1
-
three car garages. i could utilize the space.
I have worked on ones with 8 car garages lone was extra long for the limo. They had servants quarters above them
I think the poshest servant's quarters I've ever lived in might've been over a three-car garage. 'Course it was me and two parental units at the time. Still not bad though.
-
Sex Explained Graphically by Pens (http://www.frucomerci.com/2010/01/20/sex-explained-graphically-by-pens/)
-
(http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm223/skyblue1110/horses-1.jpg)
-
(http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm223/skyblue1110/horses-1.jpg)
that kid just lost ten years of heartlife.
-
Is it just me or does it look like he has a Chinese food container on his head?
-
Is it just me or does it look like he has a Chinese food container on his head?
Yay, my crab rangoons are here! :2thumbsup:
-
Is it just me or does it look like he has a Chinese food container on his head?
just keeping his dinner warm
-
(http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/030110/roommate-powerups.gif)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ISil7IHzxc
Highpoint: Zappa tells John Lofton of the Wash. Times to "kiss my ass" at around 7:15 in.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNJy-OgCzB0
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pogYsekE-IQ
-
(http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm223/skyblue1110/OMFG1.png)
-
Saw this one today on the highway :laugh:
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/010-8.jpg)
To be fair though it is a name of a section of the town of Greenwich Ct
Jackass it a bit in one of the shows about it :laugh:
-
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3555/3329197281_4c7f28cf75_o.jpg)
-
(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ky3vfnRJKT1qarumno1_500.jpg)
-
shouldn't really be posting about this on here someone's statement in court yesterday referred to aspergers as "problems with socialism"
:LMAO:
having aspergers means having a problem with socialism apparently :laugh:
-
(http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm223/skyblue1110/maoris.jpg)
-
found this once when i was on itunes
-
(http://i44.tinypic.com/2wmkfhg.jpg)
The fucking irony :lol:
-
Awetastic graphic plastic fantastic drastic plastic: http://axecop.com
-
One more taste:
-
http://www.killfrog.com/games/36-games/105-how-to-make-a-chocolate-easter-bunny.htmlhttp://
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acLW1vFO-2Q&feature=player_embedded
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d9_N3wYsno&feature=related
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZUB0kLLBUA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZo1fIZYG3g
lol
Sure some have seen these already.
More in related videos.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hKB9hc4B5c
-
(http://www.thisisfreakingridiculous.com/storage/post-images/Sarah-Palin-TLC.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1270151245009)
-
Good one. :laugh:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acLW1vFO-2Q&feature=player_embedded
:plus: So true.
Didn't hit me 'till I read "pedagogy of the opressed" (which was only obliquely intended for what I got out of it). The american school system is a lovely 12+ year brainwashing system. 'course at that point I'd fucked enough humanities majors who legitimately valued their education but could never really justify why (other than "I never thought to question why this is important") to know something was up, anyway. :laugh:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YP11L9jRW94
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oF4mRKXKJ34&feature=player_embedded
-
Here's one for all the Aussies!
http://i.imgur.com/o0FGU.png
-
Rejected Eharmony.com application
"We're sorry to inform you that your application form Eharmony.com services has been rejected.
Your answer to Question #14, "What do you like most in a woman"- "my cock" is not an appropriate response.
:lol: a female friend of mine texted that to me today.
-
Re my post above: best I could do with screenshot:
-
Here's one for all the Aussies!
(http://i.imgur.com/o0FGU.png)
What was wrong with putting [img][/img] tags around it? :green:
-
I once parked my car to do a 3 minute transaction in a building, tops. Popped in a $2 coin....did the meter reject it....NO! BUT, it did not change the parking time. WTF...
On closer inspection, it said it only accepted $1 coins...BUT IT HAD ACCEPTED MY $2!!!!
Anyway, I thought 'fuck it', I'm not going to be that long. Seriously, it was a drop off of plans on a desk, I was gone maybe one minute maximum.
I got a fucking ticket.
-
WTF is going on in Melbourne??? Is it something in the water--I mean, beer?
Wombat assaults 60-year-old man outside his caravan
By staff writers From: news.com.au April 06, 2010 11:32AM
A MAN has been attacked by a wombat at Flowerdale, north-east of Melbourne.
The ABC and The Age reports the 60-year-old camper - whose name was not released - was bitten on the arms and legs as he stepped out of his caravan this morning.
He was taken to the Northern Hospital where he was in a stable condition.
Jeff McClure from the Department of Sustainability and Environment told the ABC it was highly unusual for a wombat to attack a person.
"Wombats that are in an advance stage of mange will become very agitated from the suffering and the irritation of the mange," he said.
-
What was wrong with putting [img][/img] tags around it? :green:
I was lacking in cleverness and sleep.
-
Thai Police Force Takes Monkey On The Beat
Share339 Share Comments (4)
10:13am UK, Friday April 02, 2010
Tom Bonnett, Sky News Online
A Thai police force has begun taking a monkey dressed in officer's uniform on patrol each day to help improve relations with Muslim separatists.
Other forces are said to be considering enlisting a monkey to improve their image
The five-year-old pig-tailed macaque was adopted after policemen in Yaha province in southern Thailand found him injured with a broken arm.
Trainers taught Santisuk, which means peace in Thai, to pick up coconuts and he now lends a hand collecting the fruit with residents.
The monkey also helps supervise a police checkpoint and his boss says he has made it a much happier place.
Motorists now stop to play with Santisuk, rather than getting angry at the hold-up.
Other forces are now considering introducing monkeys to better their image in the troubled province.
Separatists are blamed for most of the attacks in Thailand's predominantly Muslim deep south.
Buddhists and Muslims associated with the Thai state - such as police, soldiers, government officials and teachers - are often targeted.
When Santisuk learned to pick up coconuts he was given bottles of milk as a reward
-
(http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm223/skyblue1110/pyzamOmgWtf1.jpg)
-
I was amused.
-
I was amused.
:plus: Me too! Good catch!
-
:2thumbsup:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xvb6j3Onuc
3000 posts, bitches!
-
hah
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9x6Jm3ski8
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfX08j69oZI
-
:P
-
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l0ojs78P3t1qarumno1_500.jpg)
-
:P
Tell that to folks in West Virginia.
-
(http://www.roflcat.com/images/cats/inuraccountkd2.jpg)
Sinsboldly's days of being a mod before she got caught red handed.
-
What is the "purplz" supposed to mean?
-
Is it supposed to mean shredding your papers?
-
fuck know's what that means, I just typed moderator on google images. :LOL: this is what I can come up with and it obviously represents Sinsboldly.
-
fuck know's what that means, I just typed moderator on google images. :LOL: this is what I can come up with and it obviously represents Sinsboldly.
What do you mean?
-
Prolly refers to special mod colors on whatever forum it was made for.
-
It is referring to WoW. Sharding your purples = destroying the equipment you took 2 months to earn. Basically it is hacking your account info and destroying your gear. Purple gear is Epic, as in the best rare gear in the game.
-
It is referring to WoW. Sharding your purples = destroying the equipment you took 2 months to earn. Basically it is hacking your account info and destroying your gear. Purple gear is Epic, as in the best rare gear in the game.
Jesus christ it sure took us a long time to figure out a WoW reference. When the fuck did WoW become esoteric among geeks?
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Oh WoW. That explains it. Thanks.
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It is referring to WoW. Sharding your purples = destroying the equipment you took 2 months to earn. Basically it is hacking your account info and destroying your gear. Purple gear is Epic, as in the best rare gear in the game.
Jesus christ it sure took us a long time to figure out a WoW reference. When the fuck did WoW become esoteric among geeks?
11 million people play WoW. It is a game by Blizzard, which has made Starcraft, Warcaft, Diablo, etc. Plenty of geeks play the game or used to. I played the WoW beta lol. It has been pretty common over the last 2 years to see memes based on WoW.
I just saw the post, so I didn't take that long to figure out the reference. :P
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Isn't WoW the slot machine of gaming?
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Perennial favourite: The ROFLMAO Song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEWgs6YQR9A
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It is referring to WoW. Sharding your purples = destroying the equipment you took 2 months to earn. Basically it is hacking your account info and destroying your gear. Purple gear is Epic, as in the best rare gear in the game.
Thank you, answer man! That picture is much funnier now that I know what the caption means. :headbang2:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykwqXuMPsoc
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(http://s3.amazonaws.com/newsok-photos/912545/medium.jpg)
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Nice package :lol: :plus:
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READING, Vt. - A 120-pound Vermont black bear is back in the woods after getting its head stuck in a milk can. It took a state biologist, firefighters and police about 45 minutes to free the bear's head from the can after the animal was found late Sunday morning off Vermont Route 106 in the town of Reading.
The Rutland Herald said officials estimate the bear had its head stuck in the old fashioned milk can for at least six hours before it was found.
Fish and Wildlife Biologist Forrest Hammond said the bear had been running and bumping into trees and boulders.
Hammond used soap to lubricate the bear's head so the can could be pulled off, but it didn't work. Firefighters helped him cut the can off
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http://www.theonion.com/audio/taco-bells-five-ingredients-combined-in-totally-ne,13189/ :thumbup:
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Holy Water
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish.
They are at pearly gates trying to enter heaven when St. Peter asks the first girl, 'Mary-Agnes, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?'
She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.'
St... Peter says,' Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, 'Catherine, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?'
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, 'Well, once I fondled and stroked one. '
St. Peter says, 'Okay, dip your hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line.
When she reaches the front,St.Peter says, 'Agatha! What seems to be the rush?'
The girl replies, 'If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Brenda sticks her ass in it.'
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0x7iADW2Ac
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What does Rocco Siffredi sing when he sings ABBA? -The wiener takes it all! :zoinks:
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.
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.
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.
Lol. Wanna go fishing and drink beer soaf? :zoinks:
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(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l1eyqdZzmo1qz6z0no1_500.png)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHRDfut2Vx0
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSM8Okj_4TI
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YersIyzsOpc
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I've seen that meltdown before, if that ain't an Autistic meltdown, I don't know what is.
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http://www.youtube.com/v/Z_ZiRT8Nwkk&hl=en_US&fs=1&
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^^^ This guy needs to run for Congress. True assed shit, what he's sayin.
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^^ This guy needs to cwy like every other cwy baby Californian. WAH
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^^^ No, Bore, I'll let you keep your monopoly on crying like a little bitch. :hahaha:
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http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/8655651.stm
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http://www.bluntcard.com/
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I've seen that meltdown before, if that ain't an Autistic meltdown, I don't know what is.
Excuse me, I don't ram a remote control up my ass when having a meltdown like he did :P
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaK9bjLy3v4
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:violin:
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http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/8655651.stm
Good thing my country didn't need me during my youth! :rofl:
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I've seen that meltdown before, if that ain't an Autistic meltdown, I don't know what is.
Excuse me, I don't ram a remote control up my ass when having a meltdown like he did :P
I never said he was a perfect example of all Autistics, it's bad enough that people think Rain Man is.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaUvt81gH9c&feature=player_embedded
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Old, but I doubt anyone was a bad enough dude to watch the whole thing. Is this still true?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWDyKBITEaA&feature=player_embedded
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_bqAq6GVWQ&feature=player_embedded
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKNqc3a9Xqs&feature=player_embedded
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_bqAq6GVWQ&feature=player_embedded
I can't stand that fucking show, probably because I'm not queer.
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lololol the bloke at the end of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvBD3efXxb0
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As someone who actually knows how to fight, these guys made me laugh pretty hard. Old, but still funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqphKlMv92A
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(http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l24w4iEwnV1qzyr3lo1_500.jpg)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l1ku9zRVGP1qzecayo1_400.jpg)
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http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Libertarian
Libertarianism and Autism
Libertarianism is expected to be included in the next edition of the DSM as a form of autism, as part of a further partitioning of Asperger's Syndrome due to an overwhelming rise in its e-diagnosis. Libertarians share many qualities with the Ass Pies, but differ in the fact that they see themselves as incarnations of Ayn Rand and the characters in her novels, rather than as dragons or elves.
Funny yet true. :laugh:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjprIP5IKaM&feature=player_embedded
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this might not be funny but i laughed anyway... it's a bearded dragon in a sink
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeYst06VeWg
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIu4fP4fOHE
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found this on a different forum...so I swiped it:
cartoon that offers a detailed description of the Aspie thought process
http://www.danzettwoch.com/comics/deadlock.html
I am so much like the protagonist/narrator of this comic. He sees everyday human interaction as stressful and almost combative, and applies the rules of game theory to what most would consider light chitchat.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DViogbPTH4&feature=sub
Thought this belonged in the tutorial thread on how to date for aspies.
Reposting it is a good idea. Top class material.
And here's afollowup from my favorite animated show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UB-MidCy0Do
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New Study Confirms Humans Only Use 10% Of GenitaliaMay 18, 2010 | ISSUE 46•20
04.13.07 BOSTON—A surprising new study published in The New England Journal Of Medicine this week has revealed that human beings only use 10 percent of their genitalia at any given time. "To think of all that we could accomplish if we just unlocked the remaining 90 percent," said Dr. Howard Schwartz, who contributed to the sex-organ capacity study. "Why, the back shaft alone could represent a vast reservoir of untapped potential. It's frightening, but we, as a species, have barely scratched the surface of our genitals." Schwartz maintained, however, that with enough time and late-night exploration, human beings could someday live up to "the promise of their junk."
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Heckled Christian Rock Band Knows How Jesus FeltMay 17, 2010 | ISSUE 46•20
COLUMBIA, MO—After walking off stage to a chorus of boos, threats, and obscenities, local Christian rock band Enter the Kingdom told reporters Friday that they now knew exactly how Jesus felt when he was persecuted.
"We were always taught that Christ suffered for the sins of man, but it wasn't until our gig at Pat's Tavern that we actually understood what that meant," said lead singer Andrew Walker, who formed the band in 2006 with three friends from his Bible study group. "The fact that Jesus wasn't very popular in his day, or that people hated him for spreading a different kind of message, or even just the ridicule and humiliation he was forced to endure—it all became clear to us Friday night."
"Especially when the crowd started chucking food at our heads," Walker continued. "That definitely hit it home."
According band members, the trials and tribulations of the Son of God were brought into sharp focus during their 45-minute music set, from the widespread skepticism they encountered after first taking the stage to the cries for physical torture that filled the local tavern by the end of the night.
Bass player Kevin Clark, 26, compared Friday night's harrowing show to "what Jesus must have braved" at the hands of Pontius Pilate, claiming that while performing he also faced a series of false accusations, including being called the "King of the Dickheads" by one crowd member.
"It was like the story of Jesus, unfolding right up there on that stage," said Clark, adding that two police officers randomly checking IDs for underage drinkers also joined in and taunted the band. "And just like Christ, we did not retaliate for their cruel actions. Not even when the whole 'get off the stage, you pussies' thing really got going."
Enter the Kingdom's guitarist, Bradley Baldwin, was likewise stunned by the similarities between his band's set and the torment of his savior, likening the constant interruptions by hecklers screaming, "Shut the fuck up," "This sounds like fucking shit," and "Don't quit your day job blowing priests" to what Jesus went through while being mercilessly flogged and whipped as he carried the cross to Calvary.
"They were jealous and punishing us for our righteousness, because they couldn't face the power and truth of our songs 'Light Of The Lord' and 'The Exalted,'" Baldwin said. "Plus, they definitely committed the sin of covetousness when they tried to grab Kevin's bass right out of his hands during 'Glorious Salvation.'"
Drummer James Mayfield drew a number of parallels between Jesus of Nazareth and the band, telling reporters that both only had about 12 followers and that both were betrayed by their closest friends.
"I'll never forget how our buddy Pete pretended he didn't even know us," Mayfield said. "He was standing next to these two really cute girls, and when we asked him what he thought of our set, he just looked at us and totally denied ever liking our music."
Added Mayfield, "Pete was our No. 1 fan."
Despite the cold and sometimes borderline violent reception, all was not lost Friday night. According to band members, a number of devotees from all walks of life were quite moved by the performance. Some in attendance told reporters they would be sure to attend every future Enter the Kingdom show.
"Dude, that was the most fun I've had in a long time," said Barry Rouse, 28. "I can't wait to see these fucking losers again. I'm going to all their lame-ass shows."
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ivkWkUeeuc&playnext_from=TL&videos=9LBserlT9MQ
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmTpOQrqoO0&feature=player_embedded
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1sXEI91QVY
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvZMHeOOJq8&feature=related
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I just bumped my head and this thread
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(http://www.forkparty.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/a_good_comeback.jpg)
(http://www.forkparty.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/yahooanswers_gayson-550x408.png)
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http://www.hulu.com/watch/68610/family-guy-stoned-reporters#s-p11-sr-i1
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http://www.hulu.com/watch/68610/family-guy-stoned-reporters#s-p11-sr-i1
:lol:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39qdhbkTko4&feature=related
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this might not be funny but i laughed anyway... it's a bearded dragon in a sink
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeYst06VeWg
I do not know how many times I played this lizard treadmill vid. I showed it to both kids (hell, it is clean).
I laughed, but I am not sure why. This may be reality, but it is a decent example of "fine comedy." I mean pure comedy, made from real life, with no bounds.
:clap:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvF_nxXJO5s
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ0jRuASVEQ&feature=related
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ivsb79-h90&feature=related
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNmGjCsX-LU
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPwhY5RzeGk
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no
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YES
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MAYBE
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(http://pics.blameitonthevoices.com/062010/nig_ger.jpg)
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(http://www.lukesurl.com/comics/2008-07-24-quake.gif)
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:laugh:
-
And now...the legendary Picard Manouver!
-
(http://compare-network-monitoring-tools.com/admit_it.jpg)
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:zoinks:
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<---------trips on shoelace and falls flat on face
-
From www.bash.org
<Velkyr> Why is it when your wife or girlfriend gets pregnant, all her friends rub her belly and say "congratulations!"
<Velkyr> But nobody rubs your dick and says "Good Job"?
<prote> apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
A: > Try playing Quake 4 on an Intel Video card. Let us know how you get on.
B: > It looks as good as on an ATI/Nvidia card so far...
B: > Hang on.. frame 2 is coming up.. yup still looks good.
<@Ricky> According to BBC News, the father of the Nigerian who attempted to blow up the Delta airliner whilst approaching Detroit had emailed US authorities to warn them about his son's extreme anti American views. This man happened to be a very wealthy banker.
<@Ricky> You can imagine the email arriving at the US Government's offices:
<@Ricky> Good afternoon, I am a wealthy Nigerian banker....
<&||bass> GODDAMNIT
<&||bass> i'm searching for how to do something in java
<&||bass> i just checked in google
<&||bass> you know what the results are?
<&||bass> me posting in various forms asking how to fucking do it
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From www.bash.org
<Velkyr> Why is it when your wife or girlfriend gets pregnant, all her friends rub her belly and say "congratulations!"
<Velkyr> But nobody rubs your dick and says "Good Job"?
It's so graphic. :lol:
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an ad I just got on facebook:
Meet Holy Man from India
In North America and UK, Sacred Journey to India Non commercial, authentic Holy Man, for those wishing to Merge with the Divine
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mmm thirsty
(http://i415.photobucket.com/albums/pp236/Keefers_/Keefers_Funny%20Animals/aa0141ed.gif)
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A painter, whitewashing the inner walls of a country outhouse, had the misfortune to fall through the opening and land in the muck at the bottom.
He shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs.
The local fire department responded with alacrity, sirens blaring as they approached the privy.
"Where's the fire?" called the chief.
"No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole.
"But if I had yelled about what is down here, would you have rescued me?"
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_FTj3Twxc0
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:-\
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dcmDscwEcI
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CIA Declassifies Thousands Of Black-Ops 'Humor In Uniform' Joke:
CHAPPAQUA, NY—After more than 60 years of redacting classified but amusing anecdotes from Reader's Digest's popular Humor in Uniform section, the CIA announced Monday that the full text of thousands of previously censored jokes will now be made available to the public.
Submitted to the monthly magazine by covert field operatives, paramilitary officers, and black-ops specialists, the lighthearted vignettes have for decades only appeared with their most sensitive and hilarious details obscured.
"Since the dawn of the Cold War, certain humorous materials have been kept from the American public in the name of national security," CIA director Leon Panetta said at a press conference. "But thanks to recent declassification efforts and the Freedom of Information Act, citizens will now be able to see for themselves what exactly was so funny about the historical goofs and gaffes of this agency's most confidential overseas operations."
Added Panetta, "Never before has so much laughter been brought to light."
Panetta pointed out several "rib-tickling gags" relating to the 1973 Chilean coup, the Iran-Contra Affair, and the rise of crack cocaine, all of which had their punch lines blacked-out when originally published.
He also made mention of a 1962 joke that only became comprehensible once the names in the story were revealed: In it, CIA agents are brainwashing Lee Harvey Oswald to turn him into an assassin. The first agent, who wears a JFK mask, is beating Oswald in the face and counting out his punches, "One-two! One-two!" A second agent, playing the "good cop" role, enters the room with a cup of coffee and, without thinking, asks Oswald, "Would you like one, too?" Oswald shrieks in terror, and the project is delayed for months.
The editors of Reader's Digest said they were "thrilled" to finally make the estimated 3,000 pages of classified anecdotes public, calling it a victory for democracy and for people who like to laugh.
"I'll admit this one isn't very funny if you can't read the part explaining how one of the briefcases contains vital information that could have prevented the 9/11 attacks," said editor-in-chief Peggy Northrup, referring to a previously redacted Humor in Uniform story detailing a wacky mix-up that led to hundreds of deaths. "And sure, it's confusing to end a joke with 'it just goes to show you' when the thing we're trying to show you has been blacked-out to protect the identity of some ex-con who funneled money to several Salva≠doran death squads in the 1980s."
Added Northrup, "Actually, I still don't really get that one."
Now that the Humor in Uniform archives have been declassified, longtime readers are experiencing both chuckles and chilling insight into all the hilarious conundrums intelligence personnel have gotten themselves into during six decades of deniable operations.
"There's this great one from 1982, about the old spy and the young spy taking bribe mo≠ney to a resistance leader in the desert," subscriber Shelley Holmes said. "It was all blacked-out except for the part where the old spy says, 'I remember when the payoffs were skinny and the dictators were fat!' It takes on new meaning now that I know the old spy, who had spent the 1970s ferrying moderate sums of CIA funds to portly South American fascists, was now handing over taxpayer-backed bearer bonds for $25 million to Osama Bin Laden, who is quite slender indeed."
Service members and intelligence personnel will likely always submit their comic musings to Reader's Digest, Panetta said, because humor is still the best way to help deep- cover specialists cope with the stress of events like the Laotian Civil War, the torture of an innocent terror suspect, or even a goofy blunder that might occur when agents attempting to influence the ongoing drug war in Mexico try to introduce Ebola into a Ciudad Juárez reservoir but accidentally capsize their canoe and instead release the deadly virus on the American side of the Rio Grande.
"I think I speak for all of us when I say I can't wait to see how that one turns out," Panetta said. "I'm laughing already."
http://www.theonion.com/articles/cia-declassifies-thousands-of-blackops-humor-in-un,17653/
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4v4TMqrbhE
-
.
-
oldie but goody thanks to PI
http://www.youtube.com/v/LkDhh1pfG-4&hl=en_US&fs=1
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cj9k8WuQXY4
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUEkOVdUjHc
-
(http://i.imgur.com/Yd4xq.png)
-
:laugh:
-
iPhone spoof :lol:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL7yD-0pqZg&feature=player_embedded
-
100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time (not to be played around the little ones) ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSEYXWmEse8
-
.
-
100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time (not to be played around the little ones) ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSEYXWmEse8
:LMAO: That Kevin Pollack line from The Usual Suspects is my favorite. There are a lot of great movies in that compilation.
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http://www.bewareofsideeffects.ca/
Eclair, this one made me think of you. :eyebrows:
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http://www.bewareofsideeffects.ca/
Eclair, this one made me think of you. :eyebrows:
My God....I might not be on I2 for a little while! This could be my new favourite website....
That chef can sure eat an oyster....I thought he looked gay, but....I'm in love!
Thank you!!!! :plus:
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http://www.bewareofsideeffects.ca/
Eclair, this one made me think of you. :eyebrows:
My God....I might not be on I2 for a little while! This could be my new favourite website....
That chef can sure eat an oyster....I thought he looked gay, but....I'm in love!
Thank you!!!! :plus:
Glad to be of help :laugh:
I liked the dropping of the handcuff key the best.
-
http://www.bewareofsideeffects.ca/
Eclair, this one made me think of you. :eyebrows:
My God....I might not be on I2 for a little while! This could be my new favourite website....
That chef can sure eat an oyster....I thought he looked gay, but....I'm in love!
Thank you!!!! :plus:
Glad to be of help :laugh:
I liked the dropping of the handcuff key the best.
Yeah, that was perfect!
-
iPhone spoof :lol:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL7yD-0pqZg&feature=player_embedded
:lol:
I know someone that has the EVO 4G and they love it. The touchscreen on the iPhone is a piece of shit.
-
iPhone spoof :lol:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL7yD-0pqZg&feature=player_embedded
:lol:
I know someone that has the EVO 4G and they love it. The touchscreen on the iPhone is a piece of shit.
:paraphrasing:
It fucking comes with an island and turns into a fucking jet and flies your ass there!!
"I don't care."
:rofl:
-
iPhone spoof :lol:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL7yD-0pqZg&feature=player_embedded
:lol:
I know someone that has the EVO 4G and they love it. The touchscreen on the iPhone is a piece of shit.
Two of my coworkers have the Evo and it is truly a miracle for movie and music lovers.
One guy who works with me is a sound nut, like me, but for car audio shit. He has an app on his HTC that creates a sound spectrum sweep or a pink noise source, while at the same time it analyzes on a secondary screen the output of what ever it is that you are analyzing.
The iPhuckingPhone can not do anything of the sort and I suspect that it never will.
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That's a pretty cool app. I think I want one. ;D
-
That's a pretty cool app. I think I want one. ;D
I agree.
(youre talking about the side effects web site too, right?)
-
That's a pretty cool app. I think I want one. ;D
I agree.
(youre talking about the side effects web site too, right?)
Not sure, but I feel that there must be a vibrator app, if you search.
-
That's a pretty cool app. I think I want one. ;D
I agree.
(youre talking about the side effects web site too, right?)
Not sure, but I feel that there must be a vibrator app, if you search.
I don't want to think about what kind of rash the touch screen would cause.
-
That's a pretty cool app. I think I want one. ;D
I agree.
(youre talking about the side effects web site too, right?)
Not sure, but I feel that there must be a vibrator app, if you search.
I don't want to think about what kind of rash the touch screen would cause.
Perhaps you could open an internet port and broadcast the results?
You know, I mean as a public service, literally.
-
That's a pretty cool app. I think I want one. ;D
I agree.
(youre talking about the side effects web site too, right?)
Not sure, but I feel that there must be a vibrator app, if you search.
I don't want to think about what kind of rash the touch screen would cause.
Perhaps you could open an internet port and broadcast the results?
You know, I mean as a public service, literally.
Even aside from the obvious "I would not post n00dz on teh interwebz," also worth pointing out is that if I did, they would NOT be a documentation of the gynecological problems caused my putting an iPod up my vag.
-
That's a pretty cool app. I think I want one. ;D
I agree.
(youre talking about the side effects web site too, right?)
Not sure, but I feel that there must be a vibrator app, if you search.
I don't want to think about what kind of rash the touch screen would cause.
Safety first, use a condom.
-
That's a pretty cool app. I think I want one. ;D
I agree.
(youre talking about the side effects web site too, right?)
I'm talking about the sound spectrum sweep, actually. :P
-
That's a pretty cool app. I think I want one. ;D
I agree.
(youre talking about the side effects web site too, right?)
Not sure, but I feel that there must be a vibrator app, if you search.
I don't want to think about what kind of rash the touch screen would cause.
Safety first, use a condom.
:plus: That's always good advice.
-
(http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm223/skyblue1110/1291821620423560501.jpg)
-
(http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm223/skyblue1110/1291821620423560501.jpg)
:plus: I love it! Who finds all these photos and captions them? What a fun job that must be.
-
That's a pretty cool app. I think I want one. ;D
I agree.
(youre talking about the side effects web site too, right?)
I'm talking about the sound spectrum sweep, actually. :P
Spectrum and speculum do sound a bit alike.
-
(http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm223/skyblue1110/1291645687120449101.jpg)
-
That's a pretty cool app. I think I want one. ;D
I agree.
(youre talking about the side effects web site too, right?)
I'm talking about the sound spectrum sweep, actually. :P
Spectrum and speculum do sound a bit alike.
Yeah. Useful apps, both. :P
-
* ponders on speculum disorders *
-
Here's a way how to make your phone handsfree...
(http://www.esato.com/board/ui/XXQgA1q7c817t1fGD8YX.jpg)
And it only takes less than 1 second. :LOL:
-
And apparently that's how Apple thinks you should hold your new iPhone 4G. :zoinks:
-
Here's a way how to make your phone handsfree...
(http://www.esato.com/board/ui/XXQgA1q7c817t1fGD8YX.jpg)
And it only takes less than 1 second. :LOL:
Uhhh, that actually works
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http://www.losanjealous.com/nfc/ (http://www.losanjealous.com/nfc/)
(http://www.losanjealous.com/img/nfc/82.gif)
Blessed are the sleepy ones, for they shall soon drop off.
(http://www.losanjealous.com/img/nfc/87.gif)
Does wisdom perhaps appear on the earth as a raven which is inspired by the smell of carrion?
-
That's a pretty cool app. I think I want one. ;D
I agree.
(youre talking about the side effects web site too, right?)
I'm talking about the sound spectrum sweep, actually. :P
It is kind of cool. It can be paused at any point along the spectrum or you can just run in continuously. The only problem I see that would affect its usability is that you can not "dial in" or simply enter a particular frequency to analyse at length.
The Pink Noise function is very usable, however.
-
And apparently that's how Apple thinks you should hold your new iPhone 4G. :zoinks:
We received thirty five of them today at my "home store," along with fifteen of the 3G (previous) version (around nine-ish AM).
We had twenty two people on a waiting list and the others were sold before I left at four PM.
That is fifty old and new iPhones that went out of one store in one day. We are now sold out again, as it always is with the current iShit.
We are beginning to catch up with iPads, though; occasionally we have eighty or a hundred of them come in, but in a few days they are gone as well. We do have about five hundred various iPods, right now, if you combine all versions of this "abomination of nature."
I can not imagine how horrible it would be to pretend to be an Apple rep, if they had kept their "Made In America" hype going. Thank fuck in a bucket for Chinese made iShit!!!
:puke:
... or not.
-
Here's a way how to make your phone handsfree...
(http://www.esato.com/board/ui/XXQgA1q7c817t1fGD8YX.jpg)
And it only takes less than 1 second. :LOL:
That's just awesome! :rofl:
-
And apparently that's how Apple thinks you should hold your new iPhone 4G. :zoinks:
We received thirty five of them today at my "home store," along with fifteen of the 3G (previous) version (around nine-ish AM).
We had twenty two people on a waiting list and the others were sold before I left at four PM.
That is fifty old and new iPhones that went out of one store in one day. We are now sold out again, as it always is with the current iShit.
We are beginning to catch up with iPads, though; occasionally we have eighty or a hundred of them come in, but in a few days they are gone as well. We do have about five hundred various iPods, right now, if you combine all versions of this "abomination of nature."
I can not imagine how horrible it would be to pretend to be an Apple rep, if they had kept their "Made In America" hype going. Thank fuck in a bucket for Chinese made iShit!!!
:puke:
... or not.
So, do you have people coming in to complain about the poor reception when you hold the 4G in a certain way yet?
-
And apparently that's how Apple thinks you should hold your new iPhone 4G. :zoinks:
We received thirty five of them today at my "home store," along with fifteen of the 3G (previous) version (around nine-ish AM).
We had twenty two people on a waiting list and the others were sold before I left at four PM.
That is fifty old and new iPhones that went out of one store in one day. We are now sold out again, as it always is with the current iShit.
We are beginning to catch up with iPads, though; occasionally we have eighty or a hundred of them come in, but in a few days they are gone as well. We do have about five hundred various iPods, right now, if you combine all versions of this "abomination of nature."
I can not imagine how horrible it would be to pretend to be an Apple rep, if they had kept their "Made In America" hype going. Thank fuck in a bucket for Chinese made iShit!!!
:puke:
... or not.
So, do you have people coming in to complain about the poor reception when you hold the 4G in a certain way yet?
Not at all.
While the problem may be real in some places, the saturation of signal quality (signal strength, through multiple, repeating towers everyfuckigwhere [the system continually switching to the strongest signal tower each time the signal surpasses a certain level of degradation]) this close to a major city, makes the entire "human-interfering-with-TeH-antenna" thing a non-issue, it seems.
The over-abundance of cell network activity in certain places, such as New York City, makes such a problem inevitable with any cell phone, though. There is nothing special nor inherently wrong with the iPhone, but it has a target on it's butt. The slightest thing will cause all manner of nay-sayers to kick up a stink.
Do not misunderstand me, though. I HATE iShit!!
-
It would seem that quite a few people disagree with you. There are plenty of videos on Youtube all showing how the 4G loses signal (and drops the call) when held in a certain, not too unlikely, way.
-
It would seem that quite a few people disagree with you. There are plenty of videos on Youtube all showing how the 4G loses signal (and drops the call) when held in a certain, not too unlikely, way.
I've seen them and I agree that the "Atomic Headslap" is due the engineers who put the things together, but the problem is very far from universal to all iP 4s, nor is any other cell phone exempt from such a problem. There are just as many people watching those vids and having trouble "repeating" what they see on screen, who are enjoying their new toy without any problems. I seriously think it has more to do with network saturation, but who knows?
If enough people pitch a proper set of fits, maybe there will be a class action lawsuit that will finally put MacApple out of business.
Obviously an antenna of any kind is subject to interference from proximity effects. The more local bandwidth that is demanded of the entire system, the more likely it becomes that any number of problems can arise.
I should not have to explain something this simple to you.
I have the perfect answer for you. Avoid, last year's technology. Buy a "N3W" cell phone system.
-
(http://www.tantalizing-tattoo.com/images/best-tattoo-ever.jpg)
Weird Tattoo.
-
Honestly, Odeon, I doubt that there will be any kind of massive re-call of iPhone4s.
We will still have to deal with MacApple for many years to come.
I can dream, though, can I not?
-
(http://www.tantalizing-tattoo.com/images/best-tattoo-ever.jpg)
Weird Tattoo.
As many times as I have seen that tat, I still wonder why teh one monkey having his arsehole toyed is not smiling more than the other monkey.
That would be true comedy.
It is still funny though!!!
If my name was Bob, I would tat a letter, "B" on each butt cheek and if someone asked my name, I would just drop my pants and moon the fucker!!
-
Okay, but how about this video.... I only just bumped into it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuKjwXIASKY
Imagine if that actually worked? :viking:
-
A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"One-seventy." he says.
The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 183.
The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"Five-eleven." he says.
The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5' 8 1/2 inches.
She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high.
The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and slim. Then, after one look at you, I became short and fat!"
-
It would seem that quite a few people disagree with you. There are plenty of videos on Youtube all showing how the 4G loses signal (and drops the call) when held in a certain, not too unlikely, way.
I've seen them and I agree that the "Atomic Headslap" is due the engineers who put the things together, but the problem is very far from universal to all iP 4s, nor is any other cell phone exempt from such a problem. There are just as many people watching those vids and having trouble "repeating" what they see on screen, who are enjoying their new toy without any problems. I seriously think it has more to do with network saturation, but who knows?
If enough people pitch a proper set of fits, maybe there will be a class action lawsuit that will finally put MacApple out of business.
Obviously an antenna of any kind is subject to interference from proximity effects. The more local bandwidth that is demanded of the entire system, the more likely it becomes that any number of problems can arise.
I should not have to explain something this simple to you.
I have the perfect answer for you. Avoid, last year's technology. Buy a "N3W" cell phone system.
I don't need to have it explained. The 4G's antenna is an external one and you change the wavelength(s) to which it is tuned by touching it with your bare hands (because your hands are conductive). Use rubber gloves and the signal will not drop.
So I have no problem understanding why this happens. I do have a problem understanding how Apple could miss this when they designed the phone. This is not a new discovery, as you pointed out, so it's an unnecessary design flaw. Of course, it's entirely possible that there is more than one factor affecting the results but the basic problem is as simple as ever, as is its solution: do not touch the antenna!
-
It would seem that quite a few people disagree with you. There are plenty of videos on Youtube all showing how the 4G loses signal (and drops the call) when held in a certain, not too unlikely, way.
I've seen them and I agree that the "Atomic Headslap" is due the engineers who put the things together, but the problem is very far from universal to all iP 4s, nor is any other cell phone exempt from such a problem. There are just as many people watching those vids and having trouble "repeating" what they see on screen, who are enjoying their new toy without any problems. I seriously think it has more to do with network saturation, but who knows?
If enough people pitch a proper set of fits, maybe there will be a class action lawsuit that will finally put MacApple out of business.
Obviously an antenna of any kind is subject to interference from proximity effects. The more local bandwidth that is demanded of the entire system, the more likely it becomes that any number of problems can arise.
I should not have to explain something this simple to you.
I have the perfect answer for you. Avoid, last year's technology. Buy a "N3W" cell phone system.
I don't need to have it explained. The 4G's antenna is an external one and you change the wavelength(s) to which it is tuned by touching it with your bare hands (because your hands are conductive). Use rubber gloves and the signal will not drop.
So I have no problem understanding why this happens. I do have a problem understanding how Apple could miss this when they designed the phone. This is not a new discovery, as you pointed out, so it's an unnecessary design flaw. Of course, it's entirely possible that there is more than one factor affecting the results but the basic problem is as simple as ever, as is its solution: do not touch the antenna!
OK, but do not forget that human hands are not only conductive, but reactive, as well - capacitance and inductance - the effects of which depend upon many factors.
I still say that an international class action lawsuit is due the bitten apple. I doubt that it will happen, because so many are delighted with their new toy and do not have any problems with diminishing signal strength.
Apple is selling all that China can make, despite the bad press.
:lol:
-
Well, yes, my explanation is an oversimplification. Lots of fun stuff going on when you touch an antenna.
It doesn't surprise me the least to hear that Apple is selling everything they can manufacture. It's a good-looking phone with a great user interface.
-
Lots of fun stuff going on when you touch an antenna.
:orly:
-
Lots of fun stuff going on when you touch an antenna.
:orly:
:toporly:
-
http://www.hulu.com/embed/steXQydJkJb5OclCycZYNg
Note, you have to be in North America for this video to play because of the licensing.
-
(http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs166.snc4/37652_120840131296072_107838329262919_125305_2718461_n.jpg)
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My favorite cartoon (from the late 60's or early 70's)
Two female hippies were walking down the street. The first one says to the other, "I hate housework. You change the beds, you sweep the floor, you wash the dishes. And 6 weeks later you've got to do it all over again."
And this is post # 600 for me. Only 66 more before I get my horns.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYzU3wSfoq8&feature=player_embedded
-
http://www.hulu.com/embed/steXQydJkJb5OclCycZYNg
Note, you have to be in North America for this video to play because of the licensing.
(http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs166.snc4/37652_120840131296072_107838329262919_125305_2718461_n.jpg)
Those two posts following eachother make me laugh indeed. :plus:
-
I want more videos like this one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86wKWjvUD50
-
I want more videos like this one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86wKWjvUD50
:plus:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVF1ZezJA68
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/atheists.png)
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/atheists.png)
You lost the moouseover text by not linking.
-
bump
(I want moar lulz plz)
-
Tickle, tickle.
-
In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur."
The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary.
"Could you please spell that?" she asked.
"You know," said the woman impatiently,
"C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e".
-
(http://i.imgur.com/DiBuX.jpg)
-
(http://www.rense.com/1.imagesH/lohan2_dees.jpg)
-
I have two words for you, fuck colons!
-
And colonoscopies too!
-
(http://i.imgur.com/TacgJ.jpg)
-
Elvis Presley died almost 33 years ago to the day. I think he died because he couldn't give a shit anymore......
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymMBEwtRZOg&feature=player_embedded#!
-
A wife of one of my friends posted this on Facebook:
"So, a kitten found us on our walk tonight. Then, the kitten followed us home. Then, the kitten meowed a lot. Can you guess what happened next?"
I replied with this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xryBXI-wVtE
They didn't like it.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yht6nbQ_xNA
Mmmmmmmmmmm....... wabbit stew.
-
From LFMF:
The question should be, "Does anyone know if Bill has a hydraulic jack?" Not, "Does anyone know if Bill has a jack offhand?"
-
From LFMF:
The question should be, "Does anyone know if Bill has a hydraulic jack?" Not, "Does anyone know if Bill has a jack offhand?"
Was that his right jack offhand or left jack offhand?
-
From LFMF:
The question should be, "Does anyone know if Bill has a hydraulic jack?" Not, "Does anyone know if Bill has a jack offhand?"
Was that his right jack offhand or left jack offhand?
Since he's ambidextrous, it could be either.
-
How do you do? And how do you do your wife?
-
Been posted before but a long time ago, years still very good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkDhh1pfG-4
-
Overheard at work last night, from a young man describing his crazy drunken night out:
"I wasn't lost, I just didn't know where the fuck I was at!"
-
How very insightful.
-
How very insightful.
To his credit, he's not stupid, and he knew how funny he sounded. I just had to pass it along because it was perfectly worded! :2thumbsup:
-
Best scene ever:
Fireman: You've laid the tracks, all you have to do is back it up.
Ted: zzzzzzziippppppp AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!
Paramedic: WE HAVE A BLEEDER!
-
Best scene ever:
Fireman: You've laid the tracks, all you have to do is back it up.
Ted: zzzzzzziippppppp AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!
Paramedic: WE HAVE A BLEEDER!
Ouch, I think I know what they're talking about. What show was that from? :orly:
-
http://www.theonion.com/video/americans-observing-911-by-trying-not-to-masturbat,14366/
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tyj9VMhE6oI
-
Women in Politics
-
Brokeback He-Man:
-
Pedo Cat Stalker:
-
Strange shadow:
-
Brokeback He-Man:
:rofl:
-
Brokeback He-Man:
:rofl:
:indeed:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejW56aK3JaI&feature=related
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YX4QSqthVJA
-
(http://i737.photobucket.com/albums/xx15/violetstarbubble/1246_mainpopecorerockin.jpg)
:zoinks:
-
Dogs and rabbit having good time:
-
(http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/070610/these-colors-rrrrrrrrrr-beepbeep.gif)
-
.......a rubber-band gun was confiscated in algebra class...............................it was a weapon of math disruption.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejW56aK3JaI&feature=related
That bitch is a bitch.
-
Oooooops (http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/latest/8032516/oh-no-sorry-youre-the-wrong-winner/)
Oh no! Sorry, you're the wrong winner!
Sarah Murdoch was close to tears when she accidently announced the wrong winner at the finale of Fox TV's Australia's Next Top Model on Tuesday.
In a bizzare twist while live to air, the Top Model host declared Sydney girl Kelsey Martinovich had taken first place in the sixth series of the show.
The stunned 19-year-old thanked her fellow contestants and the crowd before Murdoch had to take back her words and make an awkward apology.
"I don't know what to say right now, I'm feeling a bit sick about this," Murdoch said.
"I'm so sorry, oh my god, I don't know what to say. This is a complete accident, I'm so sorry."
With her head in her hands, Murdoch then revealed the actual winner of the competition, as voted for by the public, was 18-year-old Gold Coast contestant Amanda Ware.
The 2010 live season finale was broadcast from Sydney's Luna Park.
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/beautiful_dream.png)
-
New 'Do Not Kill' Registry To Allow Americans To Opt Out Of Being MurderedSeptember 27, 2010 | ISSUE 46•39
WASHINGTON—A bipartisan coalition of U.S. Congress members announced Tuesday the creation of the nationwide "Do Not Kill" Registry, which gives citizens the convenience of choosing whether or not they would like to be violently murdered. "Obviously, we understand there are many Americans who would rather not be disturbed at dinnertime by an ax-wielding maniac, and that's why we are providing this service," said Sen. Mike Enzi (R-WY), who explained the law would also regulate the practice of random robokilling. "All citizens will have to do is supply us with their names and telephone numbers and we will make sure to block any further bothersome visits from killers smashing down their doors and ruthlessly murdering them in front of their screaming families." While the new program is proving to be popular, critics have pointed out that more than 2,000 of the people who have signed up for the registry have been stabbed to death in their driveways simply because they didn't realize it takes 30 days to go into effect.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-do-not-kill-registry-to-allow-americans-to-opt,18155/
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/beautiful_dream.png)
>:( Fuck I just lost.
-
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
I did too. >:(
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/beautiful_dream.png)
>:( Fuck I just lost.
Forget the dream, shouldn't she be more concerned she's woken up with no face? :P
-
(http://wallbot.net/walls/1250.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejW56aK3JaI&feature=related
That bitch is a bitch.
I didn't need the subtitles for that one.
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/beautiful_dream.png)
>:( Fuck I just lost.
Forget the dream, shouldn't she be more concerned she's woken up with no face? :P
Fuck that, shouldn't she be more concerned that she had no tits?
-
Or the fact their reality only consists of a computer desk, chair, a laptop and a glass of water with a blank infinity of white?
-
Or the fact their reality only consists of a computer desk, chair, a laptop and a glass of water with a blank infinity of white?
Or even the fact that she was interested in gaming.
-
If only the Good Lord had seen fit to make chocolate taste like celery and celery taste like chocolate, we'd all be addicted to celery. Then celery wouldn't be so totally useless and chocolate would be less expensive. Mary Hollingsworth
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejW56aK3JaI&feature=related
That bitch is a bitch.
I didn't need the subtitles for that one.
Me neither. Love the German in this one.
Do you have German ancestors?
-
http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/05102010/58/commonwealth-games-kalmadi-diana-gaffe.html
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejW56aK3JaI&feature=related
That bitch is a bitch.
I didn't need the subtitles for that one.
Me neither. Love the German in this one.
Do you have German ancestors?
Somewhere back there. But I also went out with a Germanic girl whose family were from Stuttgart. They spoke 'halbe-halbe'
-
Soph: I know the Indians are behind the times, but 13 fucking years?
May explain why they only just got the stadiums finished.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcUROQL29H0
-
That cat is funny. Here's one that was connected at the end.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM4aevEz1Fg&feature=player_embedded
-
:green:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdULIKJB9ok
-
An college evangelist and student were reading and discussing some bible verses together. Then an atheist passed by them and stopped, then the atheist asked of the evangelist, "what are you going to feed him today?"
-
A joke somebody told me once many moons ago.
What do you call a baby cooking in a microwave?
Answer - Master-basting.
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/beautiful_dream.png)
>:( Fuck I just lost.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
I did too. >:(
He meant a different "game," but I will be nice and liberate you both.
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/anti_mind_virus.png) (http://xkcd.com/391/)
-
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/beautiful_dream.png)
>:( Fuck I just lost.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
I did too. >:(
He meant a different "game," but I will be nice and liberate you both.
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/anti_mind_virus.png) (http://xkcd.com/391/)
So what are The Rules and The Game?
-
Fuck that, shouldn't she be more concerned that she had no tits?
Is it a she? She looks like she has a beard.
-
Fuck that, shouldn't she be more concerned that she had no tits?
Is it a she? She looks like she has a beard.
According to XKCD convention, that's a she. No beard.
-
"The Game" is the dating bullshit that NTs like to use where you're supposed to fuck around and not tell them how you actually feel because it will make you seem desperate and a loser.
-
I officially hate this thread now. I keep forgetting and coming back to it... And then I LOSE AGAIN. FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU
-
I stopped playing the Game (as in the one you lose by being aware of it) years ago.
-
Men Are Just Happier People--
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress~$5000. Tux rental~$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
-
Haven't done this in a while....
-
I stopped playing the Game (as in the one you lose by being aware of it) years ago.
>:( again..
-
Bubba is passing by Daryl's barn one day, when through a gap in the door he sees him doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere.
Butt clenched, he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right boot, followed by the left.
He then hunches his shoulders forward, and in a classic striptease move, lets his suspenders fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his jeans.
Grabbing both sides of his plaid shirt he rips it apart to reveal his beer stained t-shirt underneath and with a final flourish he tosses his ball cap onto a haystack.
"What in tarnation are you doin', Daryl?" says Bubba.
"Whoa Bubba, ya scared the heck outta me", says an obviously embarrassed Daryl, "but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the therapist said I should do somethin' sexy to a tractor."
-
A large crowd gathered at an accident on Main street. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, could not get near the car.
Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd parted and made way for him.
Lying in front of the car, was a donkey.
-
Message body this:
-
:rofl:
-
A large crowd gathered at an accident on Main street. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, could not get near the car.
Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd parted and made way for him.
Lying in front of the car, was a donkey.
:plus:
-
A large crowd gathered at an accident on Main street. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, could not get near the car.
Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd parted and made way for him.
Lying in front of the car, was a donkey.
future assburgers?
-
The world is your urinal.
Can't stop giggling at that one.
-
someone on facebook just liked " I accidentally typed ;) instead of :) and now it's awkward. "
-
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!' The man says: 'You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'
-
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/18/20101026/tod-australian-tattooist-charged-over-ru-879dccc.html
-
(http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4144/5034956159_d3e04a6130.jpg) (http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/10/11/risky-business/)
-
.
-
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/18/20101026/tod-australian-tattooist-charged-over-ru-879dccc.html
That one really did make me laugh. :laugh:
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http://uk.news.yahoo.com/18/20101026/tod-australian-tattooist-charged-over-ru-879dccc.html
I know it's not your fault, but:
:needpics:
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lol somehting I just saw on facebook:
300milllion sperm and I was the fastest! :]
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.
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status i just saw on facebook:
had a luvly facial at college 2day thnx to the level 2 beauty therapy girls it was nice n relaxin zzzzzzz
22 minutes ago via Facebook for BlackBerry
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Funny how?
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These paraprosdokians come from Prince Albert's monthly newsletter from his church. Any more that you know of?
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
To steal ideas from one person is plagarism. To steal from many is research.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, "If an emergency, notify:" I put 'Doctor.'
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/5dc1eadc-5dbd-4c19-a2b0-a54d74a3e2a1.jpg)
Our Weeble is cuter.
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For the Hoarders among us
(http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/1ed87c9b-bf01-409d-8569-3c48dfdf12f4.jpg)
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lol wtf, someone on facebook just posterd a picture of their cat playing a with a tampon "mouse"
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>:(
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdVTes-6THQ
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Lol. Your baby has a big head.
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.
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:lol:
I love the last one Ren.
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:bounce:
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http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/nov/07/vibrator-victorian-women-film-hysteria
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Time for some dark humor: An alternative conspriacy theory... :zoinks:
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Saw these on www.dearblankpleaseblank.com
Dear Public Bathrooms with 1-Ply Toilet Paper,
Please realize that I'm just going to use twice as much, so you're not really saving any money.
Sincerely, 2-Ply user.
Dear Boys,
I was only being polite. It does not mean I want to have your babies.
Sincerely, The Girl Who Smiled at You.
Dear Crazy People,
I'm not going to blow this grocery store up, I just need some salad.
Sincerely, an American Muslim.
Dear grocery sacker guy,
Yes that's it... All the fragile stuff at the bottom and the heavy things on top. Just like that... Perfect.
Sincerely, broken eggs and smashed bananas.
Dear alarm clock,
Thank you for not going off the one morning I have an exam that's worth 20% of my grade.
Sincerely, Sprinting to class.
Dear Busy Students,
You should check if you have any Facebook notifications. Oh, and check your email. Also, there's this great new video on Youtube that you should watch.
Sincerely, The Internet.
Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendar ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy...
Sincerely, the Mayans.
Dear Lady in a Math Problem,
Maybe it's none of my business, but, why in the world do you need 60 watermelons, and why is Jimmy taking 24 away from you?
Sincerely, Confused Student.
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(http://crosebrough.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/07/16/coach.jpg)
Take smooth strokes.
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(http://crosebrough.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/07/16/coach.jpg)
Take smooth strokes.
This is in following with the church's policy: "No Child's Behind Left". :laugh:
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Found this:
http://judgejudyisascam.com/
Could be worth a laugh.
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And there's this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LIByLjyDsY
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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/11/16/cornell-professor-talbert_n_784306.html
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(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lasznwj0cv1qau1kxo1_500.jpg)
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We are somewhat amused. LOL
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http://kellyoxford.tumblr.com/post/1624433015/wife-listening-to-her-husband-talk-to-himself-as-he
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:laugh:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4B2v6O5AMY
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(http://pics.blameitonthevoices.com/112010/smalltalk2.jpg)
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(http://sketchysantas.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/3bfac016-cac9-4079-ac1e-8acf17341860.jpg)
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(http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/24209d42-3a27-4eeb-8509-a2aecf907bc2.jpg)
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(http://www.killmydaynow.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/KMDN-Daily-PicDump-No.52_1-550x359.jpg)
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Oh good, there's a blog of it. I can stop explaining now.
http://whywomenhatemen.blogspot.com/
-
Oh good, there's a blog of it. I can stop explaining now.
http://whywomenhatemen.blogspot.com/
That disgruntled man's sign reads "Husband is not an ATM machine."
That's one of my pet peeves! The M in ATM stands for "machine." He didn't need to say it twice! :hahaha:
The calendar post is so true to life. I'm one of the worst offenders with the daily inane ramble about
how fast the year is passing, how soon X holiday is coming up, how humid it is, etc. :laugh:
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(http://boortz.com/images/funny/redneck_pics_airplane.jpg)
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(http://pics.blameitonthevoices.com/112010/smalltalk2.jpg)
Who has finals at the end of December?
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/f8520b97-e7e3-4cbe-afb5-8f6f4f7b9f17.jpg)
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this made me ehh
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(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T_JachDW9ag/TPXV8GYwNyI/AAAAAAAAKpY/92cxXztozM0/s1600/tumblr_lc3zdwzoB91qa4lqyo1_500.png)
#13 is so true
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/710833bd-1263-4165-b8bd-9d10dafc9519.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/fce981bd-e6cc-4c1a-8a58-2d75e38831af.jpg)
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(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T_JachDW9ag/TPXV8GYwNyI/AAAAAAAAKpY/92cxXztozM0/s1600/tumblr_lc3zdwzoB91qa4lqyo1_500.png)
#13 is so true
4 would make my life here a lot easier.
18 is becoming more true by the month
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As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where I work, I ask the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, I print it on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrists.
Once when I asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine my surprise when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station demanding, "Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'bananas'?"
lol
-
As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where I work, I ask the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, I print it on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrists.
Once when I asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine my surprise when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station demanding, "Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'bananas'?"
lol
:rofl: :plus:
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/82d85d46-5509-45cd-a802-b7b33330b59a.jpg)
-
What your grandparents didn't tell you about the "good old days", and you're glad they didn't
Grandapa: For Christmas we'd get a pair of pants with a hole in the pocket. That way we'd have something to wear, and something to play with.
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(http://www.viddler.com/explore/failblog/videos/1121/)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/e5765229-782b-4b9a-a09b-af4cb34f3a83.jpg?w=500)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/e5765229-782b-4b9a-a09b-af4cb34f3a83.jpg?w=500)
Ah, no wonder why everyone has suddenly changed their profile pictures to some sort of cartoon character. :LOL:
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/8b0895dd-f829-43dd-abb2-d21583943e66.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/43f0d45f-6aa6-4b26-acbe-ea4426451548.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/c72b62da-c092-4966-9d4c-9d1f1e93d236.jpg)
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(http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/36e4bc81-19a7-4d53-9421-616034e3db5e.jpg)
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(http://engrishfunny.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/engrish-funny-not-for-kids-menu.jpg)
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/9b4c2e71-2150-4e21-a047-feb003daf754.png)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/d2344993-eb48-4fcb-b920-bd6196c68aae.jpg)
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/9b4c2e71-2150-4e21-a047-feb003daf754.png)
hehe, most of them are pretty accurate, but my depression line doesn't look like that...
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http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=144706029403&oid=186716600581&comments&ref=mf
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:)
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(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T_JachDW9ag/TPuhCzCfyGI/AAAAAAAAKtk/qD-kakxg2to/s500/tumblr_lctsd4wHdn1qanb21o1_1280.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/2mha1.jpg)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlKDu_XtG_I&feature=player_embedded
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/d221fcb7-05d7-4ff2-8bd6-38b12754bf6c.jpg)
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(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T_JachDW9ag/TPuiF741W4I/AAAAAAAAKto/I_i9JO1EuOE/s1600/tumblr_lc0f6iuybu1qe5arpo1_500.jpg)
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(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T_JachDW9ag/TPuiF741W4I/AAAAAAAAKto/I_i9JO1EuOE/s1600/tumblr_lc0f6iuybu1qe5arpo1_500.jpg)
heh heh that's mean :plus:
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Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
...am I alone in thinking that would actually be really funny for a guy to do?
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/d13fc4ff-f534-4b5e-838d-859d3c76c9c3.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/874de1c9-3f90-40f1-bddc-25feacacbc2a.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/1f2a8a49-91fe-4036-a3a5-77d2e4042540.jpg)
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(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T_JachDW9ag/TPxxWa3YFFI/AAAAAAAAKuE/8iOAu_s1_fE/s1600/1291560971815.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/f016da85-15d2-42be-931a-b467913f25a1.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/36263a86-3dd7-4cf9-92c0-f9457035ca41.jpg)
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(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T_JachDW9ag/TQDkPywzlMI/AAAAAAAAKx4/YvXkCzbBAlg/s1600/8267_0b82_660.jpeg)
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/funny-graphs4.png)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/ebf5b017-ae44-49ef-b196-907f085d2699.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/d9a73b60-dbd8-45cd-8071-264919a949c0.jpg)
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Girl: Wanna hear a joke?
Guy: Sure
Girl: Pussy.
Guy: I don`t get it.
...Girl: And you never will. LOL
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honest sex coupons (http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1811508)
(http://5.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/22/26/ea67616b147855f93625baa7b44111f2.jpg)
(http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/41/59/fb95630b71efd5274f52321e96255edc.jpg)
(http://4.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/89/15/6a7c705fff35506732ca33708789d0ae.jpg)
(http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/19/14/6bb9f6b1872c097da27394bee9520a23.jpg)
(http://4.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/34/43/c0762df67aa22d48d6e21304d15d9ee3.jpg)
(http://7.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/11/28/adc4f094a5c1dc077d2c8527c58011b4.jpg)
(http://3.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/44/93/e35bcf1be55a81a6464471aec9e5f6d2.jpg)
(http://7.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/95/62/f9fd0ff4024962dbd7deeb7ce9a9b6db.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/1f2a8a49-91fe-4036-a3a5-77d2e4042540.jpg)
:rofl:
That is funny.
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/9a2c7939-fe1a-4f94-9c49-beb879bb2018.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/epic-win-photos-test-answer-win.jpg)
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For DirtDawg
Running through Best Buy today, they had up a demo of one of the band games up. Playing the drums was a very pregnant woman, and she was rocking out to a Boston song. She was so awesome, I had to watch. She scored great then looked down at her belly and said “That’s how good music is done, Son. None of this Bieber crap.” IMMD
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/9a2c7939-fe1a-4f94-9c49-beb879bb2018.jpg)
lol wtf I just tried that and some of them actually came up ???
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/c04f61c4-c6de-41df-96ca-2a40c8e12d88.jpg)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/kitten-slide.gif?w=323&h=279)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/kitten-slide.gif?w=323&h=279)
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
-
Brilliant. Just brilliant. :rofl:
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I can just hear the cat: "Kids! Won't listen. Just wait until their Father gets home. A cat's work is never done. Where's my catnip? I need my catnip."
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/epic-win-photos-gingerbread-house-win.jpg)
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The gingerbread bouncers are the best. lol.
-
Well, now we know where the beef is.
(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/24a15b1b-b6ff-4095-8c5b-06050a9e7d67.jpg)
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http://gizmodo.com/5713793/the-birth-of-jesus-according-to-gmail-facebook-and-foursquare
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/kitten-slide.gif?w=323&h=279)
So precious. Mama Cat's work is never done! :heart:
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The gingerbread bouncers are the best. lol.
Yeah, they look really badass! :laugh:
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(Video)
So precious. Mama Cat's work is never done! :heart:
;D
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Political commentary, rap and comedy merged into something thought impossible, behold:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hl4NlA97GeQ
It's rap that you can love.
-
:clap:
http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/cas/2121529545.html
http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/rnr/2121697568.html
http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/rnr/2120626174.html
http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/rnr/2120291252.html
And these are just from today :thumbup: Goddamnit I love craigslist
-
Political commentary, rap and comedy merged into something thought impossible, behold:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hl4NlA97GeQ
It's rap that you can love.
:clap:
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(http://naglly.com/Generations.png)
(http://www.yourfunnystuff.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Cool-Building.jpg)
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(http://damnyouautocorrect.com/images/broken-penis.jpg)
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(http://images.2dayfm.com.au/2009/12/07/315356/Fun-Games-FunniestHolidays-22-600x400.jpg)
Elephants do the most darnest things. :viking:
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(http://damnyouautocorrect.com/images/lean-cuisine.jpg)
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rofl those predictive text mistakes/typos are hilarious
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(http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/failed_experiment/failed_experiment.png)
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http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/20989b23-ea32-4f84-bd00-80dad02f804d.jpg
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/dbdef0d5-7237-4422-b82a-b876ad2e915f.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/dbdef0d5-7237-4422-b82a-b876ad2e915f.jpg)
Someday, someone will use this fact in a debate. When that happens, I will laugh.
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/590e6955-485e-4e91-b0d2-b2bbbc76e916.jpg)
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(http://www.blogcdn.com/brighthall.aol.com/media/2009/01/jessica-cartoon.jpg)
It happens.
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(http://www.yourfunnystuff.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Cool-Building.jpg)
I need one of those.
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(http://www.jellymuffin.com/images/funny_pictures/images/apic88.jpg)
(http://www.toilette-humor.com/images/kids/about_your_pants.jpg)
(http://trollcats.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/i_have_cdo_ocd_trollcat.jpg)
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A grumpy old man walks into a local First Baptist Church and says to the secretary, “I wanna join this damn church.”
The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Listen up, dammit. I said I want to join this damn church!”
“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church.” The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor’s study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to her office and the pastor asks, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”
“There IS no damn problem!,” the man says. “Looky here, I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money.”
“I see,” said the pastor. “And is this bitch giving you a hard time?”
-
(http://www.whatthechrist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/every_goddamn_time.png)
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(http://www.jellymuffin.com/images/funny_pictures/images/apic88.jpg)
/thinks
...I think that statically, that means that somewhere out there there's three sets of four completely normal people counterbalancing us. :laugh:
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/b0558f4c-6f50-456e-9d76-1b6e2e652199.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/0af2665a-f64f-438b-9a32-0a40c74769d4.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/7e1c98b3-5931-415c-bfed-4cc09e6c1fef.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/2f480d08-089b-4693-a8d3-3c07aea12f05.jpg)
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et5ysryrs
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This isn't really "funny", but I thought it was neat and this was the closest thread I could think of to post it in
Looks like a naked chick, but it is just the girl in front of hers arm
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/epic-win-photos-tldr-budget-hotel-win.jpg)
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/it5fp.jpeg?w=500&h=495)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/4ce6958a-c8b9-4d33-9d91-ea1f9f4caf9a.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/c5a59a47-a0f9-4141-b723-8647c80f355c.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/0bc4b6d4-4c87-45c5-8d5c-5525ee5b41ad.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/50522fad-c7c5-4d44-8397-33c1577ee6e3.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/epic-win-photos-classic-camouflage-win.jpg)
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(http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/spandexdualityp1.gif)
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:laugh:
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(http://pics.blameitonthevoices.com/062010/grammar_war.jpg)
(http://inlinethumb46.webshots.com/6957/2694689890043194007S425x425Q85.jpg)
(http://cdn.imgfave.com/image_cache/1242596154819343.jpeg)
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(http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/upload/2010/11/finally_a_use_for_that_bad_plu/OCTOPI.jpeg)
(http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/blog/cobwebs1.png)
(http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/blog/cobwebs2.png)
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.
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(http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ld1oxbDyUs1qd0hplo1_250.png)
(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lco7tskskj1qd0hplo1_500.jpg)
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There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 a.m. The next day at 8:45 a.m. there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmos all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmos. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
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nmjhbgtfr
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Looks like the person on the top left of that sticker is dancing with the chair.
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:lol:
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(http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/129209619067142367.jpg)
(http://lostverticals.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/lost-verticals-0000.jpg)
(http://files.sharenator.com/inceptionp1_Lol_verticals-s450x1193-82640.jpg)
(http://files.sharenator.com/rock_lol_verticals_2-s568x1168-83517.jpg)
Probably nobody will get this one but whatever. :laugh:
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_l2VT7bYUEaY/TMJVDo-MsoI/AAAAAAAAJ2I/-yb4oqD1HB4/s1600/youre-on-tumblr-totes-i-love-true-blood-parrots-harry-potter-twilight-lol-i-troll-you-forever-and-ev.jpg)
(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ldd0j2CFC81qaz4hfo1_500.jpg)
(http://www.lolverticals.com/files/2010/05/vertical-obama-bush-ninja.jpg)
(http://www.lolverticals.com/files/2010/08/vertical-darth-vader-stare.jpg)
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Sir Les asked me to hand out his business card.
(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/epic-win-photos-business-card-win.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/c6ca416e-6c9f-42bc-a071-d3f0dc26d318.jpg)
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(http://engrishfunny.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/engrish-funny-maybe-thats-why-i-cant-find-a-book.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/c6ca416e-6c9f-42bc-a071-d3f0dc26d318.jpg)
You know I looked and looked at this one on Failblog and didn't get it. Will someone share their take on it?
-
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/c6ca416e-6c9f-42bc-a071-d3f0dc26d318.jpg)
You know I looked and looked at this one on Failblog and didn't get it. Will someone share their take on it?
It's juvenile. In some corners of the internet, "fap" is a slang term for masturbation.
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/c6ca416e-6c9f-42bc-a071-d3f0dc26d318.jpg)
You know I looked and looked at this one on Failblog and didn't get it. Will someone share their take on it?
It's juvenile. In some corners of the internet, "fap" is a slang term for masturbation.
thank you. I was thinking it had something to do with the fast food billboards or the traffic jam, neither of which made it funny.
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/79f7ac21-539a-447a-a67e-86e53b8ab35c.jpg)
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This might be the most horrific fail I've yet to see form failblog :zombiefuck:
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/13a10813-3fd1-467f-8b48-c823d2a76cc6.jpg)
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(http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/fd1bcbe6-4378-4950-af61-0de301aaa534.jpg)
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(http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/job-fails-well-i-know-what-i-wont-be-doing-in-there.jpg)
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You're either going to laugh or cry.
(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/epic-win-photos-classic-euro-heavenhell-win.jpg)
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Nah, Hell is where everyone is american :zoinks:
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At least Hell would never have to run crying to other countries for protection in the case of a war. :P
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Only coz they're too goddam obese to run :santa:
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Because American food is much tastier than a lard sandwich and an order of fish and chips.
:bunny:
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Nah, Hell is where everyone is american :zoinks:
THAT explains how thing've been going for me lately.
...I wonder when and how I died? :zoinks:
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Dangerous sexcapades I'm guessing
-
(http://engrishfunny.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/engrish-funny-do-i-have-to.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/5d3de982-ad7f-438b-8a5a-54f5bd606899.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/epic-win-photos-hot-sauce-win.jpg)
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(http://lolsnaps.com/upload_images/real/661.jpg)
(http://www.uberpix.net/wp-content/main/2009_06/piracy-is-green.jpg)
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:LOL: I love the build up in those answers.
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(http://www.greatvanityplates.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/1925949768_3be0a3aee9.jpg)
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^ :D
(http://www.robandelliot.cycomics.com/webcomics/2004/comic351.jpg)
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(http://i.imgur.com/GQdwR.jpg)
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Intensians, I give you the Intensity Squared Mascot:
(http://ihasahotdog.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/10b1141a-0fad-4948-a739-99fde400d72c.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/012ce279-344b-4350-9e8a-01f81dd2bf9c.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/65415109-4d3a-47e7-b168-7d3d4553cbf5.jpg)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjWXen-Niqc&feature=player_embedded
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(http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/a6b7b783-857f-43bd-b648-99ecb89760bd.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/epic-win-photos-professor-win.jpg)
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/20110116.gif?w=500&h=518)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/epic-win-photos-professor-win.jpg)
Fail.
It's "Never Gonna Give You Up". Furthermore, the phrase "never going to let you go" does not even appear in the song.
Never gonna give you up.
Never gonna let you down.
Never gonna run around and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry.
Never gonna say goodbye.
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
:thumbdn:
-
(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/epic-win-photos-hacked-irl-he-better-help-me-clean-up.jpg)
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(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T_JachDW9ag/TTEty72_AHI/AAAAAAAALSY/3qNyFDV6l-E/s1600/tumblr_leztqrfBE01qexdtjo1_500.jpg)
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(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3047/2922751745_18999d2976.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/be649418-2bc0-418e-a834-60ace402472b.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/f0d477b3-7cdd-4105-8691-13ef59815f19.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/427d0eea-3ef2-475e-aba2-e704cbb97af9.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/epic-win-photos-math-problem-win.jpg)
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I found Sea Tart in the bathtub.
(http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/7a25922d-6fcf-416b-9c07-a91cef104496.jpg)
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And you think YOU have a bad hair day?
(http://cheezdailysquee.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/7e8120fe-135e-4e0f-ab6d-8b76626a7a3e.jpg)
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What one of the residents at Cbc's work made her for Christmas. Her nephew is modeling the one she made for him.
(http://myfoodlooksfunny.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/ed8d37a5-3c4e-4f0d-b43b-aac554eb35bc.jpg)
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Well, there are some parents...
Me: I have to take a drug and alcohol course before I can get my permit.
Mom: Well sweetie, I can teach you how to do drugs and alcohol, you don't need that course.
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(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T_JachDW9ag/TTe9HS1O1-I/AAAAAAAALWQ/XRw1kQqREKc/s1600/1295286375816.jpg)
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(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T_JachDW9ag/TTfKW0Z3y3I/AAAAAAAALW8/Fu0we_cDQKU/s1600/tumblr_lf76t3m3ne1qew5kzo1_500.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/3nfi1.jpg)
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(http://engrishfunny.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/engrish-funny-my-prince-daddy.jpg)
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Do you know how to sink a Norwegian submarine? You go down and knock on the hatch.
How do you do it twice? You go down again, and they'll open in order to say: "Hey, you won't fool us twice". :zoinks:
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/funny-graphs84.png)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/8e62cbb6-6218-40d1-a781-b8f4bb649a96.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/police-report1.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/epic-win-photos-tree-hug-win.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/9d5a6bff-0b0b-4b90-b6c1-63d14c26e3bc.jpg)
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/funny-graphs67.png)
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(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_T_JachDW9ag/TTplipa4vjI/AAAAAAAALX0/B0eiLtSDvWc/s1600/tumblr_lc0ly6NmOu1qe4tawo1_500.png)
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isn't that "I've been HERE before a few times"?
Is it blink182? I think a know that song
the one with the cool vid where it's split in three?
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/0dbdbd47-c536-4b2e-92cc-e537b3c4a802.jpg)
I still say "god." I don't believe in one but it's that or make enough of a mental switch from fantasy to reality that I say the correct name.
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/funny-graphs63.png)
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http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/archives/012363.html
So at this point I ought to have my own laugh track?
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/epic-win-photos-family-decal-win.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/fbi-2-1.jpg?w=500&h=531)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/fbi-2-1.jpg?w=500&h=531)
what's wong wit that picture?
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/3e25a08f-c63e-41eb-b584-e4828add0411.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/3e25a08f-c63e-41eb-b584-e4828add0411.jpg)
Is this your response to me? :laugh:
SOMEONE answer my question, it annoys me that I don't get it
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Is this your response to me? :laugh:
SOMEONE answer my question, it annoys me that I don't get it
The shadow on her knee makes it look like she has a huge stamen.
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lol I see it now, thanks :laugh:
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Is this your response to me? :laugh:
SOMEONE answer my question, it annoys me that I don't get it
The shadow on her knee makes it look like she has a huge stamen.
The term, "huge" can be considered relative and, most certainly, debatable.
I will begin the debate by opening with:
"It seems a bit thin to be so long. I doubt that anyone could actually deep throat that baby."
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/funny-graphs97.png)
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Wonder if they knew what they were singing about... :zoinks:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye3ecDYxOkg
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(http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/013111/serotonin-and-dopamine.gif)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6gJYnTd7oY
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(http://www.spaceavalanche.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Geordi-on-black3.jpg)
And It would be cool if this type of technology was available for Soph:
(http://www.spaceavalanche.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/next-generation_english.jpg)
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(http://www.spaceavalanche.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Riker-and-Deanna_english.jpg)
(http://www.spaceavalanche.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/star-trek-voyager_english.jpg)
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(http://www.bettybowers.com/graphics/alaskaharlots.jpg)
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(http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/job-fails-what-else-am-i-gonna-do-with-my-break.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/epic-win-photos-about-time-win.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/epic-win-photos-real-number-win.jpg)
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(http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2011/2/3/e54a6534-154d-46eb-8cd9-9e77329333b8.jpg)
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Oh what a thing to put on Facebook. Some people have no shame. :D
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Apologies to any consultants out there.
Subject: consultants
This is a timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization.
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water
and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped
utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter," Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what,
We can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."
I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?" "Well," he whispered, "The consultant never did address this, so we've been using the spoons."
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(http://engrishfunny.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/engrish-funny-crassic-ranguage-ressons.jpg)
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(http://engrishfunny.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/engrish-funny-crassic-ranguage-ressons.jpg)
:rofl: :plus:
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Quiz
1) F_ _ K
2)PU_ S_
3)S_X
4) P_N_S
5) BOO_S
6) _ _NDOM
Answers: 1) Fork 2)Pulse 3)Six 4)Pants 5)Books 6)Random
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A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me, my pretty face or
my sexy body?..
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: your
sense of humor.
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I swear this bird's mouth looks like a vagina to me.
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/funny-pictures-bird-mouth-belly.jpg)
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those descendants of mine.
(http://punditkitchen.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/political-pictures-royal-family-fart.jpg)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G66SEuaBlHY
I totally saw her major coming. :rofl:
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She's funny, I like her. :P
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She's funny, I like her. :P
I like her too, I'm just amused by the further ledning of evidence to the (IMO, almost entirely correct) stereotype that folks in psychology and related fields are especially prone to being batshit fucknuts.
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(http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2011/2/20/068457ab-489a-4f34-9500-90434ca3e2c0.jpg)
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:laugh:
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hjygtfdtrygyh
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(http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5178/5468899239_6b903d9a47.jpg)
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh8le9WYb81qc4fbco1_500.png)
Captive Panda Research Researchers dressed as pandas look after Cao Gen, a captive-bred panda cub - the first to be delivered at the Wolong Giant Panda Breeding Center’s Hetaoping Wild Training Base in Sichuan Province, China.
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh8le9WYb81qc4fbco1_500.png)
Captive Panda Research Researchers dressed as pandas look after Cao Gen, a captive-bred panda cub - the first to be delivered at the Wolong Giant Panda Breeding Center’s Hetaoping Wild Training Base in Sichuan Province, China.
Looks as if they are reading the cub a bed time story. :laugh:
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh8le9WYb81qc4fbco1_500.png)
Captive Panda Research Researchers dressed as pandas look after Cao Gen, a captive-bred panda cub - the first to be delivered at the Wolong Giant Panda Breeding Center’s Hetaoping Wild Training Base in Sichuan Province, China.
Looks as if they are reading the cub a bed time story. :laugh:
I think it looks like the indoctrination ceremony of a secret panda cult. :laugh:
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh8le9WYb81qc4fbco1_500.png)
Captive Panda Research Researchers dressed as pandas look after Cao Gen, a captive-bred panda cub - the first to be delivered at the Wolong Giant Panda Breeding Center’s Hetaoping Wild Training Base in Sichuan Province, China.
Looks as if they are reading the cub a bed time story. :laugh:
I think it looks like the indoctrination ceremony of a secret panda cult. :laugh:
It really does :lol:
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh79dsh5hV1qb86zfo1_500.jpg)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgrr510EUw1qa8gt7o1_500.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/epic-win-photos-class-struggle-win.jpg)
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:laugh:
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/61d2f2f6-ea93-4b7b-b678-4abc39010663.jpg)
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(http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/job-fails-this-is-just-tacky-guys.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/f7c16863-d38d-4856-b7b0-1eb63653408c.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/600f6e2d-b23b-4ff7-a805-bc18ba444a35.jpg)
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I have a mental bet with myself that someone on this forum will have this kink:
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/0d899ec7-ea9c-44ec-a0b6-19abec0918a8.jpg)
(no, being turned on by "69" does not count)
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(http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/b5666b9a-3606-4cc1-be90-84b5a0768908.gif)
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.
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Ah, finally an ap for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQHX-SjgQvQ&feature=player_embedded
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:LMAO:
-
(http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRI2S2yRfCscw7e3bNH2z_EUvm3T9_DzYydO4puZ1dP0evef1lJ)(http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTIV0lQcGYFlzvRsZq1oij2ECJ6FLmU9t75nIlw3EL3JaWVkcrKlw)
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(http://images1.makefive.com/images/entertainment/comedy/funny-signs/only-at-kfc-7.jpg)
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(http://www.funnyfreak.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/your-dirty-mind.jpg)
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(http://ihasahotdog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/funny-dog-pictures-spider-gone.jpg)
:green:
just thought this was soo cute
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(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_U4n4doyBGZs/TFXJkI4JW1I/AAAAAAAAF2s/eU7xWVakILw/s1600/cool+inf+gif.gif)
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^That went on for ages. :D
-
i know but i was kind of mesmirised by it :zoinks: guess its only funny if you are a monty python fan :zoinks:
-
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_xow_TISys7o/S_z_noAYxlI/AAAAAAAAAAs/3sUpEMfjR-M/s1600/epic-fail[1].jpg)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/lolcat-funny-picture-parental-block-cat.jpg)
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(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_bnRieqeRBWk/SwRhSigdpxI/AAAAAAAAAJA/ZaChU-mpyl4/s1600/Wedding-Fail.jpg)
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"" NEXT ""
(http://www.eatliver.com/img/2007/1755.jpg)
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(http://img836.imageshack.us/img836/8533/tumblrl6eukjhjqy1qz9bwr.jpg)
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animals makin the most out of the internet
(http://img23.imageshack.us/img23/8503/tumblrkv17gggg6f1qa4ygx.jpg)
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i love this
(http://img686.imageshack.us/img686/6042/big4749496.jpg)
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omg
(http://mindcrap.com/media/picdump/07/34.gif)
-
omg
(http://mindcrap.com/media/picdump/07/34.gif)
It looks gross, but can I be a killjoy and suggest we don't see the other end of the balloon. Someone could be blowing it up as it extends out of her mouth?
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omg
(http://mindcrap.com/media/picdump/07/34.gif)
It looks gross, but can I be a killjoy and suggest we don't see the other end of the balloon. Someone could be blowing it up as it extends out of her mouth?
hmm gotta be, but she does look like she is gagging a bit (me too lol)
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omg
(http://mindcrap.com/media/picdump/07/34.gif)
It looks gross, but can I be a killjoy and suggest we don't see the other end of the balloon. Someone could be blowing it up as it extends out of her mouth?
hmm gotta be, but she does look like she is gagging a bit (me too lol)
I think the thought of having a balloon in my mouth would make me gag.
Let's see her do it with a cock, then I'll be convinced! :zoinks:
-
omg
(http://mindcrap.com/media/picdump/07/34.gif)
It looks gross, but can I be a killjoy and suggest we don't see the other end of the balloon. Someone could be blowing it up as it extends out of her mouth?
Yes that must be it when they do sword swallowing they have their head back so it can go down their throat her's seems to bent. Though having her try with a cock would be fun :eyebrows:
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(http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab19/4doubleb/1986_jak_rozesmat_kraliky.jpg)
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(http://lolcats.com/images/u/07/23/lolcatsdotcomz28zyd15yrrakhz8.jpg)
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incorrect book store methinks :zoinks:
(http://www.digital-kaos.co.uk/forums/attachments/f6/5665d1254931544-pics-wong-bookshop.jpg)
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(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSEVzXFgiXi22YodEqasBRciWveD-WIUEje2_kY6UVo62gB-DLN)
-
game of football :zoinks:
(http://www.fotomage.com/img/fun/funny-football-moments/funny-football-moments13.jpg)
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haha BMW
(http://img.izismile.com/img/img2/20091006/best_fails_16.jpg)
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(http://media.picfor.me/001B6602/GoodShit-%C3%A2%E2%82%AC%C2%BA-funny-Sexy-women-michael2-lmao_large.jpg)
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(http://www.myspaceantics.com/images/myspace-graphics/funny-pictures/fatty-bike.jpg)
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(http://i.ytimg.com/vi/b_TFNNVMUzs/0.jpg)
the cats face is sooo fookin funny, i love it to bits
-
(http://i.imgur.com/KX8Is.jpg)
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These are NOT funny :thumbdn:
not funny at all
-
wtf???
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/intensity/116jkiajpg.gif?t=1299365616)
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wtf???
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/intensity/116jkiajpg.gif?t=1299365616)
???
-
(http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/captions-hilarious-13.jpg?w=500&h=330)
-
(http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/captions-hilarious-6.jpg?w=500&h=338)
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http://writebadlywell.blogspot.com/ (http://writebadlywell.blogspot.com/)
-
(http://artoftrolling.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/chatroulette-trolling-hello.jpg)
-
I got an early postcard from PPK.
(http://punditkitchen.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/political-pictures-meanwhile-in-france.jpg)
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I got an early postcard from PPK.
(http://punditkitchen.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/political-pictures-meanwhile-in-france.jpg)
:lol:
-
Fashion Police have been out!! ner ner ner ner :police: :police: :police:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/other%20pics/fashion-fail-these-my-cooking-pants.jpg?t=1299498682)
:zoinks:
special 'cooking' pants??
:zoinks:
:zoinks:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/other%20pics/fashion-fail-let-it-all-hang-out.jpg?t=1299498682)
:zoinks:
now my maths is not brilliant but even i can tell when it blows back down its still not gonna cover it!
:zoinks:
:zoinks:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/other%20pics/fashion-fail-ill-try-to-remember-that.jpg?t=1299498682)
:zoinks:
oh ok a lot of disappointed women then!! look at the picture on the wall in the background :green:
:zoinks:
:zoinks:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/other%20pics/fashion-fail-white-tiger-conservation-sponsored-by-pepsi.jpg?t=1299499149)
:zoinks:
white tiger conservation sponsored by pepsi!
:zoinks:
:zoinks:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/other%20pics/fashion-fail-not-exactly-military-issue.jpg?t=1299499149)
:zoinks:
Defence budget cuts - here's the reality
:zoinks:
:zoinks:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/other%20pics/th_fashion-fail-you-look-great-honey.jpg?t=1299499382)
:zoinks:
???
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the fashion police have made some more arrests
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/other%20pics/49d5faa1-5cd6-4f1a-abc3-8aaeffc4e85e.jpg?t=1299584526)
:clap: :clap:
how did he get his leg to do that???
:clap: :clap:
:evillaugh: :evillaugh:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/other%20pics/fashion-fail-lady-g-ma.jpg?t=1299584526)
never mind Lady Ga Ga here's Ladies G'Ma
:zoinks: :zoinks:
:police: :police:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/other%20pics/129059931294754322.jpg?t=1299584526)
How many fraggles had to die for that coat???
:evillaugh: :evillaugh:
>:D >:D
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/other%20pics/129092627605880922.jpg?t=1299584526)
is that a hub cap on his finger lol
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(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_1yk5vt_2vfc/TLqLURNmS0I/AAAAAAAACaI/NxizajjIxAU/s1600/CapJackStareCat.jpg)
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Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Lets have a look at the evidence:
- No Christmas
- No television
- No nude women
- No football
- No pork chops
- No hotdogs
- No burgers
- No beer
- No bacon
- Rags for clothes
- Towels for hats
- Constant wailing from some prick in a tower
- More than one wife
- More than one mother in law
- You can't shave
- Your wife can't shave
- You can't wash off the smell of donkey
- You wipe your arse with your hand
- You cook over burning camel shit
- Your wife is picked by someone else
- Your wife smells worse than your donkey
Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"
No shit Sherlock!....
....It's not like it could get much fooking worse!
-
Some "old" jokes I found when cleaning out my emailbox.
Quickie #1 One day, Jay Daniels came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went fishing.
Quickie #2 A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out and don't bother coming back."
Quickie #3 Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
Quickie #4 A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
Quickie #5 Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God,"said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay." She was blonde...
Quickie #6 A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
Quickie #7 Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
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Yay rascism.
:|
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSK1D3bZhRs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSK1D3bZhRs)
-
(http://asset.soup.io/asset/1640/1381_c375.gif)
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Cute bird :)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IHyeDGTuRo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IHyeDGTuRo)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgrgv2h29m1qatz8fo1_r1_500.jpg)
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(My job is to call people and pitch the brand of make-up my company sells. I call and an obviously really young girl answers the phone.)
Little Girl: “Hello?”
Me: “Hi, may I talk to the lady of this residence?”
Little Girl: “That’s me.”
Me: “I mean, may I talk to your mom?”
Little Girl: “I have two dads.”
Me: “Oh well, never mind then. Have a nice day!”
Little Girl: “Wait! Why did you call?”
Me: “I’m selling make-up.”
Little Girl: “Oh! One of my daddies loves that stuff, it makes him look pretty when he goes dancing! Let me give him the phone! Dad! Dad! Some girl wants to make you look pretty!”
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vqUdC-8nFY
-
(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9y692wkXW1qbontko1_400.jpg)
(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9y692wkXW1qbontko2_400.jpg)
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9y692wkXW1qbontko3_400.jpg)
(http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9y692wkXW1qbontko4_400.jpg)
(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9y692wkXW1qbontko5_400.jpg)
(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9y692wkXW1qbontko6_400.jpg)
(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9y692wkXW1qbontko7_400.jpg)
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9y692wkXW1qbontko8_400.jpg)
(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9y692wkXW1qbontko9_400.jpg)
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(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ld8qtbRrxG1qaf19mo1_500.jpg)
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ld8f5cXKLh1qba50oo1_500.jpg)
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.
.
.
.
'My mom's vagina.' :laugh: Need to use that one some day.
Edit: Can't stand when the signatures overlap onto the next post.
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Yay rascism.
:|
???
-
(My job is to call people and pitch the brand of make-up my company sells. I call and an obviously really young girl answers the phone.)
Little Girl: “Hello?”
Me: “Hi, may I talk to the lady of this residence?”
Little Girl: “That’s me.”
Me: “I mean, may I talk to your mom?”
Little Girl: “I have two dads.”
Me: “Oh well, never mind then. Have a nice day!”
Little Girl: “Wait! Why did you call?”
Me: “I’m selling make-up.”
Little Girl: “Oh! One of my daddies loves that stuff, it makes him look pretty when he goes dancing! Let me give him the phone! Dad! Dad! Some girl wants to make you look pretty!”
Cute. :laugh:
-
Yay rascism.
:|
???
Yay sarcasm. As in not-yay racism. Some of the previous jokes were a bit racist.
-
Yes, lets make the world as unoffensive and unfunny as possible in order not to make certain people cry. :'(
-
Going after the uncertain people is easier. :autism:
-
So offensive == funny == offensive? Good to know.
-
Yay rascism.
:|
???
Yay sarcasm. As in not-yay racism. Some of the previous jokes were a bit racist.
Which ones? Do you mean the one about the terrorists? I see some sexism and homophobia being laughed at too; and what of the fat people?
-
Yay rascism.
:|
???
Yay sarcasm. As in not-yay racism. Some of the previous jokes were a bit racist.
Which ones? Do you mean the one about the terrorists? I see some sexism and homophobia being laughed at too; and what of the fat people?
I dislike anything that 'others' people.
-
Humour = light hearted, not serious.
-
I dislike anything that 'others' people.
Am a them and me type of person. They're all the others.
-
Humour = light hearted, not serious.
"Where there's smoke..."
-
People have made fat jokes and Irish jokes. I'm still not offended, and frankly found some truths in them.
One who gets offended is one who doesn't laugh at themself. I think we should take ourselves less seriously.
-
So offensive == funny == offensive? Good to know.
:finger:
-
So offensive == funny == offensive? Good to know.
:finger:
Clearly.
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In the world, nothing is sacred. Who says one should be protected from satire?
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XiQDgNUEMw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOFy8QkNWWs
*edit.. added original footage first
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(http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhkiluX8xi1qeoujio1_500.jpg)
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What was meant to be funny about those chat screenshots wasn't the racism itself
anyway... here's Jess:
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I love that picture :lol:
(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhob64y68i1qagqbho1_500.png)
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(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgfdcgXfgD1qf5005o1_500.jpg)
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(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgy2bb2PU71qaypr9o1_500.jpg)
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(http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lfkejiAUpt1qzpwi0o1_500.jpg)
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(http://images.regretsy.com/dogboobs.jpg)
(http://images.regretsy.com/puggs.jpg)
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(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgjg0l4nnt1qgp0nco1_500.png)
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What was meant to be funny about those chat screenshots wasn't the racism itself
anyway... here's Jess:
The complaint was before the chat screenshots, so still not sure what is was.
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ah ok, all I could see when I looked was the racist chat thing, which was why I was confused.
GA what was the racist stuff?
game of football :zoinks:
(http://www.fotomage.com/img/fun/funny-football-moments/funny-football-moments13.jpg)
lol @ anderson in the background
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GA what was the racist stuff?
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Lets have a look at the evidence:
- No Christmas
- No television
- No nude women
- No football
- No pork chops
- No hotdogs
- No burgers
- No beer
- No bacon
- Rags for clothes
- Towels for hats
- Constant wailing from some prick in a tower
- More than one wife
- More than one mother in law
- You can't shave
- Your wife can't shave
- You can't wash off the smell of donkey
- You wipe your arse with your hand
- You cook over burning camel shit
- Your wife is picked by someone else
- Your wife smells worse than your donkey
Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"
No shit Sherlock!....
....It's not like it could get much fooking worse!
Maybe this
Quickie #4 A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
-
Maybe this
Quickie #4 A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
I'm Polish and I'm not offended. It's amusing.
-
Maybe this
Quickie #4 A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
I'm Polish and I'm not offended. It's amusing.
Yeah, hence the "maybe"... More of a probably not, but it was an example of race being used as the subject of the joke.
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oh no, those poor poor terrorists?
mental note *do not joke about terrorists*
:dunno: must support muslim terrorists then?? :screwy:
or maybe, just not insinuate that all terrorists are Muslim, no but the ones in the newspapers i read are! If i ask people i know what religion they think most terrorists are they all say 'muslim'.
Shit, but there are 2966 people who i can't ask (9/11)
wtf do you think their answer would be???
I just thought about listing a few muslim terror attacks since 9/11 - there isn't enough internet. Two day's worth here
2011.03.14 (Kunduz, Afghanistan) - Four children are among three dozen innocents dismembered by a massive suicide blast at a recruitment center.
2011.03.14 (Plateau, Nigeria) - Five family members are among six Christian villagers slaughtered by Muslim raiders.
2011.03.14 (Diyala, Iraq) - Nine Iraqi security personnel are blown to bits by a Fedayeen suicide bomber.
2011.03.13 (Helmand, Afghanistan) - Six civilians are taken down by Taliban roadside bombers.
2011.03.13 (Maiduguri, Nigeria) - A moderate cleric is shot to death by Islamic radicals in a drive-by attack outside his home..
2011.03.13 (Hangu, Pakistan) - Islamic militants fire indiscriminately into a van carrying Shia civilians, killing nine.
Total dead = 35 people in two days! died at the hands of Muslim terrorists.
Sorry but the link is there, all over the news, every day
terrorist = Muslim.
How is it racist then for me to make the link in a joke?
or maybe, just not insinuate all Muslim's are terrorist, erm.... when did i do that?
I would apologise if it had been an irish joke, or a polish joke and it had offended someone on here. I really would. Truth is i don't particularly like Muslims (it's an evil religion that treats women like slaves), and i don't particularly like terrorists (killing innocent people as a hobby)either. So if i have offended any Muslim's, Muslim Terrorists, Terrorists in general - then TUFF I COULDN'T GIVE A RATS ASS.
If i have offended anyone else, well, why would anyone else be offended???
-
Terrorists are terrorists first. Extremists second. Their religion is mostly irrelevant.
Not all terrorists are muslim, not all muslims are terrorits. Timothy McVey was a terrorist, and a US one at that.
Most terrorists reported on today come from Islamic states, and may not necessarily be muslim themselves. The countries they often come from experience significant hardship which their government and other signficant leaders (such as spiritual leaders) blame on Western countries, inciting hatred and anger toward western countries. Just as significant social leaders and news corporations in the US incite hatred and anger toward all muslim people.
I wasn't offended by you linking muslim and terrorist. I was offended by your ignorance. A lot of what you listed has nothing to do with the muslim religion or even Islam at all, but rather to do with the deplorable state of the nations these people are in.
Their clothing are not rags and towels, but are actually traditional clothing that has been worn in that region for centuries, including by that oh magnificent of christian martyrs, Jesus.
And the rest is just a misrepresentation of their religious beliefs, many of which are shared by the Jewish religion.
The problem is not muslims, it's not Islam. It's extremism. Islamic Extremists. Christian Extremists (who conduct their own special brand of terrorism on those seeking abortions, and the conduct by the Westboro Baptist church). They're both the same. Angry at something. Full of fear and hate, and neither of them follow the creeds of their respective religions.
Why would anyone else be offended? Because you just prejudiced the entire population of the world's second largest religion, that's about 1.6 billion people. That kind of blind ignorance and scaremongering is intolerable to me. And your post above was absolutely offensive.
-
Westboro Baptist church
That reminds me. Do you know why Baptists don't fuck standing up? Someone might think they're dancing.
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Muslim = religion. NOT race
Polish = language (in this context). NOT race
-
btw I thought the muslim thing was funny actually. and I admit I am often very prejudiced of muslims. same as I am catholics though. it doesn't make me racist
-
No christian jokes from now on please.
:laugh:
Singling one group out of making jokes about would be just as bad as only making jokes about one singled out group.
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Muslim = religion. NOT race
Polish = language (in this context). NOT race
Ok, point taken. Racism wasn't exactly the right word choice.
Yay prejudice. :|
No christian jokes from now on please.
:laugh:
Singling one group out of making jokes about would be just as bad as only making jokes about one singled out group.
It all depends on the context, as everything does.
-
Muslim = religion. NOT race
Polish = language (in this context). NOT race
There often is the mixup of religion with ideology when it comes to Muslim. Both by some Muslims, as by some politicians.
[/earnest reply] (it is the laughter section after all. :p )
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The problem is that i posted a joke that wasn't politically correct. It was copied and pasted from elsewhere. I didn't 'write' the joke.
I did however smirk when i read it. You see the problem with jokes, is that they are usually about someone. There are jokes about 'blondes', about 'men' about 'the wife', about 'fat people' the list is endless. I made a joke about the worlds second largest religion, well i am glad i didn't pick on a minority group then. Once you start saying 'you can't make a joke about this subject or that subject' before you know it there is a whole damn list of em.
I think you are assuming that because i made a joke about something THAT I ACTUALLY THINK EVERY FACT IN THE JOKE IS TRUE. Well if that were the case why wouldn't i just make a new thread up elsewhere stating these facts?? Do you honestly think that i actually believe these people wear towels on there head?? Do you think i believe all Irish are stupid?, or all scousers are thieves? or all american's are fat? Erm ...no of course i don't. So why am i having to explain? Surely you do not suggest that every joke told on any forum, or in any pub, or on any stage, and by anybody is actually the strict views of the teller? Jokes do not have to be factually correct.
You have presented me with an argument, and i am like...well yeah i agree with some of the things you are saying, but why are you telling me?? hell i just made a joke on some message board. I don't particularly want to debate religion or politics or human rights. You are the one making assumptions about my whole personality on the basis of one flippant joke. i cannot believe your reply. It is something i would expect to find in a serious forum of serious debate!! ....and it was after all just a joke !!!
I do not believe in censorship of jokes. There are some jokes i don't find particularly funny. The other day 'Jordan' created a fuss in the press because a comedian had made a joke about her autistic son. A friend of mine assumed i would be on her side because i also have an autistic son, and autism in my family. Erm....no. The joke was 'Model Jordan and Footballer Dwight York are in a bitter custody battle - they are arguing over who doesn't have to take custody of son Harvey' Now i don't find that funny. However i defend the comedians right to joke about it.
CENSORSHIP OF JOKES IS JUST NOT FUNNY. TELLING OTHERS WHAT THEY CAN AND CAN'T LAUGH ABOUT IS JUST NOT FUNNY.
-
It all depends on the context, as everything does.
Would imagine the context of this thread to be light hearted.
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ok, you just minused me
your reason
Please educate yourself with something other than US news.
LMAO We don't get much US news here in England!!!!
I think you are being ignorant and assuming here...i can't be bothered to minus you back...after all this is the joke thread.
-
this thread is turning ghey and it's turning ghey FAST
(note I said ghey with a H-E-Y btw, I'm not homophobic :M )
so here's a furball:
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ok, you just minused me
your reason
Please educate yourself with something other than US news.
LMAO We don't get much US news here in England!!!!
I think you are being ignorant and assuming here...i can't be bothered to minus you back...after all this is the joke thread.
You're right, I was making an assumption, and being a little ignorant. I apologise.
-
GA you're taking this way out of fucking proportion. It was a joke
-
GA you're taking this way out of fucking proportion. It was a joke
So I guess that makes it ok? That's pretty much what the bullies told me at school, "It was just a joke!"
*shrugs* Carry on.
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GA you're taking this way out of fucking proportion. It was a joke
So I guess that makes it ok? That's pretty much what the bullies told me at school, "It was just a joke!"
*shrugs* Carry on.
You are the one being a cunt here. Your old school bullies are not posting here, you are.
-
:yawn:
anybody got any good jokes?
-
:yawn:
anybody got any good jokes?
There are no good jokes if someone's feewings get hurted Missy! :police:
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'' bullies " eh wtf??
*waiting for some kind of intelligent explanation here*
is it that if someone makes a crap joke about muslims then they must be a bully?
or
in the absence of any evidence of bullying any person making a crap joke about muslims deserves to be banded with bullies?
I don't get the correlation ...
can we just continue with furry things and jokes??
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I was using bullies as an example of one group of people putting down upon other group or individuals, and using the justification that they were just joking, so their behaviour was ok.
-
Using "it was just a joke" to excuse bullying is totally different.
The intent here is not to hurt/harm anyone.
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The intent here is not to hurt/harm anyone.
The intent perhaps was not.
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Somebody seems to have become the "sensitive " type :santa:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WFsIskJ05I
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJzusvwFsJ4 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJzusvwFsJ4)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJzusvwFsJ4 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJzusvwFsJ4)
:lol: Very apt.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGAOCVwLrXo
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btw I thought the muslim thing was funny actually. and I admit I am often very prejudiced of muslims. same as I am catholics though. it doesn't make me racist
Just makes you a bigot :P
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(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lelh8c3EiR1qba50oo1_500.jpg)
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(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lcnyzj15IV1qba50oo1_400.png)
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(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lcikzj93DW1qa28cgo1_500.jpg)
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(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l5jdaoBPwS1qc0jpeo1_500.gif)
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(http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l3u9o5xiOT1qb5gkjo1_500.png)
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The intent here is not to hurt/harm anyone.
The intent perhaps was not.
In reality words, no matter how offensive they are, don't have any bloody meaning. They either are scribbles on paper, pixels on a screen or merely vibrations of air pressure (sound). It is purely semiotics that gives these meaning, and whether a word is "offensive" or not is purely subjective to the person who hears it. If anything, one who isn't an overly sensitive twat about it won't give a shit. Anyone who is overly sensitive, time to develop some thick skin.
Why should one let such meaningless words affect them at all? Because there is far more important things to do in life than to cry like a bitch because some person called you a towelhead, nigger, tranny fanny, faggot etc, even in an insulting manner. No matter how much you preach on that ivory tower of yours, you will always encounter people who will take the piss and you will never change them.
And besides the point, how does such jokes that aren't even directed at you give you any fucking authority to say they're offensive to so and so people? Let them decide that, not you.
Before you mention wanting some "tolerance", think to yourself this: Intolerance to intolerance is as tolerant as intolerance. :zoinks:
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Tolerance is an ugly word.
I tolerate you. Can't get much more condescending than that can it.
I have to tolerate dogshit in the street too.
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Tolerance is an ugly word.
I tolerate you. Can't get much more condescending than that can it.
I have to tolerate dogshit in the street too.
I agree.
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Awww, this is more cute than funny, but I'm sure the guy who did it was highly embarrassed.
Guy I used to work with, well, we are trying to organise a couple of us to get together...
So...I get a text from him today in another language...
Quickly followed by a text that said oops sorry sent to wrong person.
He'd sent the text to me instead of his wife....didn't bother to translate it until tonight on the computer....Translated, from Chinese it said 'I love you'
Oopsy. But cute.
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(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_li4nikyb0z1qc5qo7o1_500.png)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hriqo8_65AI (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hriqo8_65AI)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/d07357f7-fd79-4f4d-b8e9-aba2d2f88c85.jpg)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/c6732e88-9f97-4048-b25c-a3a61e870bc3.jpg)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/26929056-47f6-43a5-9676-914a0ddc61f7.jpg)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/funny-pictures-bird-is-not-favorite.jpg)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/8db6f216-8647-4f6b-85fd-386a4d616073.jpg)
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(http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/200063_1898087695584_1343386269_2158867_5233775_n.jpg)
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:laugh: :thumbup:
-
I love it when the thread titles seem to answer each other.
(http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y182/Musician101/converse.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hriqo8_65AI (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hriqo8_65AI)
Busy mum, postwhore, dancer... how do you find the time? :2thumbsup:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hriqo8_65AI (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hriqo8_65AI)
Busy mum, postwhore, dancer... how do you find the time? :2thumbsup:
hehe you like my little boogie??? just sumat i threw together lol
-
Two ethnics walk into a bar.
-
Did you hear the one about the three taliban stuck in a lift?
-
GA what was the racist stuff?
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Lets have a look at the evidence:
- No Christmas
- No television
- No nude women
- No football
- No pork chops
- No hotdogs
- No burgers
- No beer
- No bacon
- Rags for clothes
- Towels for hats
- Constant wailing from some prick in a tower
- More than one wife
- More than one mother in law
- You can't shave
- Your wife can't shave
- You can't wash off the smell of donkey
- You wipe your arse with your hand
- You cook over burning camel shit
- Your wife is picked by someone else
- Your wife smells worse than your donkey
Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"
No shit Sherlock!....
....It's not like it could get much fooking worse!
Maybe this
Quickie #4 A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
It's not racism. ::)
-
Terrorists are terrorists first. Extremists second. Their religion is mostly irrelevant.
Er, no. Or did you plan to present us with numbers?
-
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/funny-pictures-lolrus.jpg)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/funny-pictures-cat-tries-to-poop.jpg)
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'' bullies " eh wtf??
*waiting for some kind of intelligent explanation here*
is it that if someone makes a crap joke about muslims then they must be a bully?
or
in the absence of any evidence of bullying any person making a crap joke about muslims deserves to be banded with bullies?
I don't get the correlation ...
can we just continue with furry things and jokes??
I'm thinking it's along the same line or rhetoric as comparing your opponent to hitler.
Westboro Baptist church
That reminds me. Do you know why Baptists don't fuck standing up? Someone might think they're dancing.
LOL
-
'' bullies " eh wtf??
*waiting for some kind of intelligent explanation here*
is it that if someone makes a crap joke about muslims then they must be a bully?
or
in the absence of any evidence of bullying any person making a crap joke about muslims deserves to be banded with bullies?
I don't get the correlation ...
can we just continue with furry things and jokes??
I'm thinking it's along the same line or rhetoric as comparing your opponent to hitler.
Westboro Baptist church
That reminds me. Do you know why Baptists don't fuck standing up? Someone might think they're dancing.
LOL
but i am nothing like Hitler - got rid of that tosh years ago! :lol:
i am not a racist either. I intensly dislike the Muslim religion, but i don't dislike all Muslim's.
I intensly dislike all religions, but not all religous people.
A joke is a joke right the words i use are not necessarily the truth or my opinions. the words are chosen to provoke a response - laughter. Anyone having a different response should just move on to the next joke IMO
I mean FFS, surely i don't have to explain that when the English man, Irish man, and Scotsman walked into a bar - they didn't actually ever walk into a bar - get it??
-
'' bullies " eh wtf??
*waiting for some kind of intelligent explanation here*
is it that if someone makes a crap joke about muslims then they must be a bully?
or
in the absence of any evidence of bullying any person making a crap joke about muslims deserves to be banded with bullies?
I don't get the correlation ...
can we just continue with furry things and jokes??
I'm thinking it's along the same line or rhetoric as comparing your opponent to hitler.
Westboro Baptist church
That reminds me. Do you know why Baptists don't fuck standing up? Someone might think they're dancing.
LOL
but i am nothing like Hitler - got rid of that tosh years ago! :lol:
i am not a racist either. I intensly dislike the Muslim religion, but i don't dislike all Muslim's.
I intensly dislike all religions, but not all religous people.
A joke is a joke right the words i use are not necessarily the truth or my opinions. the words are chosen to provoke a response - laughter. Anyone having a different response should just move on to the next joke IMO
I mean FFS, surely i don't have to explain that when the English man, Irish man, and Scotsman walked into a bar - they didn't actually ever walk into a bar - get it??
Well, as my (Irish-American) mother used to say,
you cannot insult an Irishman by calling him an Irishman! :viking:
-
(http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lia51eV2RF1qi8rmlo1_500.png)
-
I don't get it; is it a cultural thing?
-
Have you ever seen The Sound of Music?
Granted, the picture is not exactly hilarious but I thought it was somewhat amusing.
-
Who is the green character supposed to be?
-
I dunno but it seems racist to me about green folks :zoinks:
Its a spoof of that sickly yucky cringingly 'nice' song
''these are a few of my favourite things''
please no don't post julie andrews
singing it from the sound of music :eh:
-
That's RACIST despite me not being a green person and how it'll probably not even offend them! :grrr:
-
I understand the reference of the words, just not the character.
-
(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2Rpaz_eW9kI/TW8q9V2wqsI/AAAAAAAAMEA/hwmcrLNctY8/s1600/tumblr_lh67ysSm6a1qzyb52o1_1280.jpg)
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/funny-facebook-fails-true-story-bro.jpg)
-
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/e1cf0300-f09c-4f9f-b91f-f1f6f571ce8f.jpg)
-
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/e1cf0300-f09c-4f9f-b91f-f1f6f571ce8f.jpg)
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/funny-facebook-fails-untitled.jpg)
-
lol racism
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/funny-facebook-fails-hate-priceless.jpg)
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/funny-facebook-fails-blue-screen-of-fail.jpg)
-
lol racism
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/funny-facebook-fails-hate-priceless.jpg)
They all good, but found this one particularly amusing :zoinks:
-
:toporly:
-
:LMAO:
That text is hilarious.
-
Translation please.
-
^ Deaf and mute pants: The lips are moving, but you can't hear a thing.
-
I like her
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vT2wE0fLdWg
-
^ Deaf and mute pants: The lips are moving, but you can't hear a thing.
Lol. Thanks.
-
she's really hot
-
Okay, you guys wanted some racy pictures? I found a snapshot of Hykeaswell and Sirius in an awkward moment.
(http://media.jawdrops.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/OMG_WTF_LOL_478.jpg)
-
(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lbvpyaTwdF1qzxzwwo1_500.jpg)
-
lol love it
-
Okay, you guys wanted some racy pictures? I found a snapshot of Hykeaswell and Sirius in an awkward moment.
(http://media.jawdrops.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/OMG_WTF_LOL_478.jpg)
There's me thinking that that what happens at the palace stays at the palace.
Damned paparazzi. :GA:
-
fast forward after the first minute of the gay referee then watch the rest
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPQ_N4imYVE
-
Did the dancing coach get tagged to appear on Dancing With The Stars?
And did the streaker get a contract for a team?
-
With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, “Good grief, look how smart I am!”
Must be where “Smart Ass” came from!
-
So I've been chatting with this 13 year old girl online. Shes funny, flirty and sexy. Now she tells me shes an undercover cop, how fucking cool is that for someone her age?
-
BREAKING NEWS:
Rebecca Black dies after walking into a football stadium and being overwhelmed with the number of seats to choose from.
-
I have Big Boobs,
I am amazing at Call of Duty,
and I can make a really good sandwich,
Unfortunately I am a guy....
-
That awkward moment when someone comments on a really old picture and you realize they were probably stalking your page
-
my fucking neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning. can you believe that?! 2:30am! luckily for him I was still up playing my drums.
-
Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, Good grief, look how smart I am!
:laugh:
-
Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, “Good grief, look how smart I am!”
:laugh:
I think I need a new mirror, just to be able to tell me that every morning. :lol:
-
So I've been chatting with this 13 year old girl online. Shes funny, flirty and sexy. Now she tells me shes an undercover cop, how fucking cool is that for someone her age?
:lol:
-
Did you hear the one about the constipated accountant
- he worked it out with a pencil :zoinks:
-
That reminds me. Did this one have a punchline?
Did you hear the one about the three taliban stuck in a lift?
-
That reminds me. Did this one have a punchline? Did you hear the one about the three taliban stuck in a lift?
No it was just sarcasm aimed at 'the joke police'... was going to do a few of them just to provoke a response. then i remembered i was 39 years old. So, i have 'let it go' :lol:
-
Lol, bummer.
-
Did you hear the one about the constipated accountant
- he worked it out with a pencil :zoinks:
Damn, I should know not to eat while on here.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/41.gif?t=1301065862)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/alcohol-demotivational-poster-1236285741.jpg?t=1301065862)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/41.gif?t=1301065862)
He is cute, if a little misguided :)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/caption0427-1.jpg?t=1301065862)
:clap: :clap:
:clap: :clap:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/c7213483e8.jpg?t=1301065862)
:clap: :clap:
:clap: :clap:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/axe.jpg?t=1301065862)
:clap: :clap:
:clap: :clap:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/chinese_toy_recall.jpg?t=1301065862)
Ouch
-
^
'Whats sup monkey butt?' :lol:
(http://media.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/218923/81388278.jpg)
-
Have you ever seen The Sound of Music?
Granted, the picture is not exactly hilarious but I thought it was somewhat amusing.
The first thing I thought of was The Sound of Music. :laugh:
-
that's what it is based on ^
-
(http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/bundaycat.gif)
-
^
'Whats sup monkey butt?' :lol:
(http://media.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/218923/81388278.jpg)
I have been staring at this for several minutes now and can't figure out what that fleshy part is in front of his ab-grill. In the inset picture against the purple background.
-
^
'Whats sup monkey butt?' :lol:
(http://media.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/218923/81388278.jpg)
I have been staring at this for several minutes now and can't figure out what that fleshy part is in front of his ab-grill. In the inset picture against the purple background.
The joke is that the remote is upside down. The fleshy part is his hand and I agree it looks provocatively gross.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/eharm.jpg?t=1301106013)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/omnomnomnom.gif?t=1301106013)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/oneinthehanddemotivatio.jpg?t=1301106013)
-
(http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/bundaycat.gif)
:laugh:
-
(http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/bundaycat.gif)
:laugh:
I almost died with mirth. :green:
The rabbit tries sooo hard. But the cat is just toooo much.
-
Lol, no. The cat thought he was tough but got screwed. :laugh:
-
Tourist
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore
the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally
stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the
locals, and have a pint of bitter.
After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big,
stately residences. No pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all
no public restrooms.
However, he really has to go, after all those Guinnesses. He finds a
narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings
and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, who
says, "Sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know." :police:
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really have to
go, and I just can't find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the bobby, "just follow me". He leads the American to a
back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the bobby, "whiz away sir, anywhere you like."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has
ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured
hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels
much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the
bobby "That was really decent of you. Is that what you call English
hospitality?"
"No sir...", replied the bobby, "that is what we call the French
Embassy."
-
(http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/b/b0/Hanging_by_ur_ballz.jpg)
-
Ouch.
-
this is mad
(http://www.pown.us/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/279.jpg)
-
(http://www.w3bdevil.com/forums/funnay/No_masturbation_in_showers.jpg)
-
(http://www.aquabacon.com/wp-content/main/2009_06/excuse-me-wtf.jpg)
-
(http://www.aquabacon.com/wp-content/main/2009_04/60-foot-penis.jpg)
-
(http://www.aquabacon.com/wp-content/main/2009_08/feets.jpg)
-
Computer Tech Support-Supposedly True Stories
(and no, none of these was me.)
Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer "No."
Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of
the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech Support: "Years of training..."
Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer: "A white one."
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/easter_eggs_now_you_know_chicken_bunny_mating_motivational.jpg?t=1301255272)
-
A bit of Fry and Laurie..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9hRIjys4Qw
-
(http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/b/b0/Hanging_by_ur_ballz.jpg)
Not physically possible.
-
(http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/bundaycat.gif)
:laugh:
I almost died with mirth. :green:
The rabbit tries sooo hard. But the cat is just toooo much.
That rabbit is HUGE! :bunny:
-
^
'Whats sup monkey butt?' :lol:
(http://media.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/218923/81388278.jpg)
I have been staring at this for several minutes now and can't figure out what that fleshy part is in front of his ab-grill. In the inset picture against the purple background.
I think it's just his left forearm. :chin:
-
Not physically possible.
thanks for bumping that. I'm eating my fucking chinese!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/ATT00049.jpg?t=1301260892)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/2199611493_3612bd78f1.jpg?t=1301260892)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/epic-fail-pet-store-fail.jpg?t=1301262946)
:orly:
:orly:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/eharmony-demotivational-poster-1226944181.jpg?t=1301262946)
:zoinks: :zoinks:
:zoinks: :zoinks:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/twatt.jpg?t=1301263086)
:orly:
:orly:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/worms-in-rear-bait-sign-fail.jpg?t=1301263086)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/demotivational-posters-do-you-ever-feel-like-a-paper-bag.jpg?t=1301280516)
-
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-12869141?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter
Maybe I'm just lame, but this made me giggle - especially the dog's face.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/14eNc.jpg?t=1301303975)
-
oh i love 'pirate cat'
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/pirate-cat.jpg?t=1301324821)
:arrr:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/eye_chart_for_men.jpg?t=1301336484)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/up_and_coming_artist.jpg?t=1301336484)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/Supdog.jpg?t=1301336484)
-
i know i shouldn't laugh at this
:zoinks:
:zoinks:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/alzahiemiers.jpg?t=1301347784)
:evillaugh:
:evillaugh:
but it really tickled me
:zoinks:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/AtariAvP.png?t=1301347784)
:zoinks:
:zoinks:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/pic0387.jpg?t=1301347784)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK1EPP6uts0
-
Some peops on WP started to debate the content of this Dutch commercial after I posted this video. Um, bringing in arguments about homosexuality and religious stuff. Blahiah.. I just think it's quite hilarious really..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSDERVD6dNY
-
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y246/hafftrak/jumponbed.jpg)
-
Some peops on WP started to debate the content of this Dutch commercial after I posted this video. Um, bringing in arguments about homosexuality and religious stuff. Blahiah.. I just think it's quite hilarious really..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSDERVD6dNY
That is funny. I can't think of any member who would turn it into a debate on homosexuality and religion. :shitfan:
-
Some peops on WP started to debate the content of this Dutch commercial after I posted this video. Um, bringing in arguments about homosexuality and religious stuff. Blahiah.. I just think it's quite hilarious really..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSDERVD6dNY
That is funny. I can't think of any member who would turn it into a debate on homosexuality and religion. :shitfan:
:lol:
-
^
^
But it did. It was, I don't know exactly, about a year ago.
Not that I minded or something, reading posts of others.. it just made me raise my eyebrows a little. Um, do think WP lacks a little in the sense of humour compartment. (but hey)
* edit.. Think the clip, ideas about it, even made a thread starter by someone.
-
(http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/demotivational-posters-evacuation-procedure.jpg)
-
^
^
But it did. It was, I don't know exactly, about a year ago.
Not that I minded or something, reading posts of others.. it just made me raise my eyebrows a little. Um, do think WP lacks a little in the sense of humour compartment. (but hey)
* edit.. Think the clip, ideas about it, even made a thread starter by someone.
Was someone who definitely is not a bird somehow involved?
-
Don't talk about him on here - he might see it and decide he needs to change his name to Alfonso and move to Sweden :tinfoil:
-
Marker face baby is lol.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/what-usernames-say.jpg?t=1301449149)
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/wck2g2.jpg?t=1301449149)
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/picture.jpg?t=1301449149)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/smokey-the-bears-latest-advicwe.jpg?t=1301449149)
-
guess the nationality
hmmm - she's only swedish (surprise surprise)
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/sweden156.jpg?t=1301449149)
-
guess the nationality
hmmm - she's only swedish (surprise surprise)
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/sweden156.jpg?t=1301449149)
She's thirsty. God bless her.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/interview.jpg?t=1301451866)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/237.gif?t=1301451866)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/funny_pictures_this_cat_will_kill_you_1YX_Boob_apron-s468x351-139411-580.jpg?t=1301451866)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/RIVERDANCEMONKEES.gif?t=1301451866)
-
catastrophe!
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/Horrible-accident.jpg?t=1301451866)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/queeny.jpg?t=1301451866)
-
catastrophe!
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/Horrible-accident.jpg?t=1301451866)
You'll make Odeon cry. :good: :bigcry:
-
I think his name is Tootsie Roll (lasts a long time.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YYfpjAkRyPI (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YYfpjAkRyPI)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/funny.jpg?t=1301497177)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/owned-1.jpg?t=1301497177)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/funny-pictures44.jpg?t=1301497177)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/funny-picture-1195920141.jpg?t=1301497177)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/funny_office_pictures_02.gif?t=1301497177)
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weeeeeeeeeeeee
:zoinks:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/Picture2.jpg?t=1301497177)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/20090522-143313-4.jpg?t=1301497177)
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/50252_puke_13.jpg?t=1301497177)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/oh_shit_small.jpg?t=1301497177)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/fu555u.jpg?t=1301497764)
:clap:
:zoinks:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/imagesqtbnANd9GcRFK8K3vE3rno5JFIBCcF4cSUYajWhCrq-bG4pNE4rp8JrQtcLVpQ.jpg?t=1301497764)
:clap:
:clap:
:clap:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/ronsealpax.jpg?t=1301497764)
:clap:
:clap:
:clap:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/Image7.jpg?t=1301497764)
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And that right there is the reason why I'm never having kids :zoinks:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/funny-pictures-bunny-rabbit-antenna.jpg?t=1301497764)
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And that right there is the reason why I'm never having kids :zoinks:
:laugh:
I think that's white paint, but it reminds me of the time my daughter smeared my parents' kitchen floor and cabinets with a mixture of flour, water, broken bits of dry spaghetti and dry beans in the middle of the night while we were there helping my mother after she broke her shoulder at our house.
I made the little stinker help me while I cleaned it up. It had begun to dry so it took us hours to clean it.
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/wife.jpg?t=1301497764)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/piccyfix_1301499412_demotivational-posters-i-see-three-pigs.jpg?t=1301499887)
:clap:
:clap:
what did you see? :lol:
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And that right there is the reason why I'm never having kids :zoinks:
:laugh:
I think that's white paint, but it reminds me of the time my daughter smeared my parents' kitchen floor and cabinets with a mixture of flour, water, broken bits of dry spaghetti and dry beans in the middle of the night while we were there helping my mother after she broke her shoulder at our house.
I made the little stinker help me while I cleaned it up. It had begun to dry so it took us hours to clean it.
Thats funny callaway. My urchin put a pound of butter in with the washing in the washing machine, then the other day i couldn't get the cd drawer open, eventually opened it after nearly taking it apart - what was in there? a slice of bread! kids are priceless
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And that right there is the reason why I'm never having kids :zoinks:
:laugh:
I think that's white paint, but it reminds me of the time my daughter smeared my parents' kitchen floor and cabinets with a mixture of flour, water, broken bits of dry spaghetti and dry beans in the middle of the night while we were there helping my mother after she broke her shoulder at our house.
I made the little stinker help me while I cleaned it up. It had begun to dry so it took us hours to clean it.
Thats funny callaway. My urchin put a pound of butter in with the washing in the washing machine, then the other day i couldn't get the cd drawer open, eventually opened it after nearly taking it apart - what was in there? a slice of bread! kids are priceless
My daughter wouldn't leave the VCR alone, so I used a clear acrylic cookbook holder to completely cover the front of it and uncovered it only when I needed to put a tape in. Since it was clear, the remote still worked.
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"If god made everything, then god must live in China"
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New Pink Car
(http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTQEn3MyYfNbgHxWnMab2xUWDnC5DsB9ej9WW_-cXbqlIV40Z4cHw)
Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.
They are mixing the Clio and the Taurus, and calling it the "Clitaurus."
It comes in pink and the average male thief won't be able to find it, even
if someone tells him where it is.
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New Pink Car
(http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTQEn3MyYfNbgHxWnMab2xUWDnC5DsB9ej9WW_-cXbqlIV40Z4cHw)
Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.
They are mixing the Clio and the Taurus, and calling it the "Clitaurus."
It comes in pink and the average male thief won't be able to find it, even
if someone tells him where it is.
You're fucked if it's a female thief though. :zoinks:
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lol yeah thats true
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/family_planning.jpg?t=1301655819)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/muslim2Bwomen2Bwwwmotivationalpostersonlineblogspotcom2Bdemotivational2Bposters2Bmotivational2Bposter2Bfunny.jpg?t=1301655819)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wcKpoAQKj4
Damn it holy balls, I haven't laughed so much for a long time after watching this. :rofl:
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Probably only the Australians will get this one as funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=og99R3KIQMQ
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love this photo
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/horse.png?t=1301655819)
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^
Nice shot indeed.
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some amazing pics
won't make you laugh but hope they make you smile ;D
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/window.png?t=1301655819)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/hordey.jpg?t=1301655819)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/piccyfix_1301600414_bear.jpg?t=1301655819)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/ufo.png?t=1301660881)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/tong.png?t=1301660881)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/smoky.png?t=1301660881)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/peng-1.jpg?t=1301661773)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/catz-1.jpg?t=1301662254)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/cstnmouse-1.jpg?t=1301662723)
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catastrophe!
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/Horrible-accident.jpg?t=1301451866)
:bigcry:
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some amazing pics
won't make you laugh but hope they make you smile ;D
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/catz-1.jpg?t=1301662254)
That kitten has a talent to get in trouble.
The face of the Mum is priceless: "KIDS :facepalm2:"
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(http://sneezl.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/epic-fail.jpg)
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(http://www.infobarrel.com/media/image/910.jpg)
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Here's another good one:
(http://www.laughforcealpha.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/lol-cats-must-die-sad.jpg)
This one's horrible :(
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agreed
:(
People who have no respect for a cat are scum.
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Okay, I admit it. My last one takes a certain sense of humor to appreciate. Removed.
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a certain TERRIBLE sense of humour :laugh:
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Okay, I admit it. My last one takes a certain sense of humor to appreciate. Removed.
Aww, c'mon. Nobody will ever laugh at everything.
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What is one food that will make 95% of women give up sex?
Wedding cake.
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:lol:
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/funny-pictures-cat-worries-he-has-broken-jesus.jpg)
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That one really did make me laugh.
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(http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lj1p1qU9Hd1qd2crwo1_500.jpg)
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That one really did make me laugh.
okay, so it wasn't just me! Every time I go back to it, I start laughing again.
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Okay, I admit it. My last one takes a certain sense of humor to appreciate. Removed.
Aww, c'mon. Nobody will ever laugh at everything.
Well, I suppose I can take pride in the fact that I've come up with something over-the-top for I^2 on my second day here!
Anyway,
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_9GHoR-RJLy8/SPsfmPwQP_I/AAAAAAAAJFE/JNmrDbaVJ50/s400/PrincessBrideLOLcat.png)
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(http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lizstiYFIY1qizkdfo1_500.jpg)
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(http://i.ebayimg.com/00/$(KGrHqR,!gwE17WJMTY8BNhZPmbn2Q~~0_12.JPG)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/funny-bar-signs.jpg?t=1301830421)
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That one really did make me laugh.
okay, so it wasn't just me! Every time I go back to it, I start laughing again.
Plussed you, for that very reason. Very funny.
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(http://ozmoesis.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/image002.gif)
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(http://i.ebayimg.com/00/$(KGrHqR,!gwE17WJMTY8BNhZPmbn2Q~~0_12.JPG)
Is that what I think it is?
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(http://i.ebayimg.com/00/$(KGrHqR,!gwE17WJMTY8BNhZPmbn2Q~~0_12.JPG)
Is that what I think it is?
Yes I mean no?
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(http://i.ebayimg.com/00/$(KGrHqR,!gwE17WJMTY8BNhZPmbn2Q~~0_12.JPG)
Is that what I think it is?
LMAO...I saw that when I was googling 'strawberry shortcakes'...maybe it's a torch...it couldn't be a ... oh wait....mebbee....
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I like how the teddy bear is frowning.
He knows where he is goin'
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Looks like it may be a kid's karaoke microphone.
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(http://ozmoesis.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/image002.gif)
So many applications...a versatile phrase!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsEZ2lpM0Yw
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1300998864.jpg?t=1301849198)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1300999362.jpg?t=1301849460)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1300999403.jpg?t=1301849460)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1300999512.jpg?t=1301849460)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/exercise-win-exercise-block-walk-around-pzy-epic-fail-1301009627.jpg?t=1301849460)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1300998864.jpg?t=1301849198)
That looks to be an E30 M3. :'(
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/turning-fail-into-win-boob-touch-bet-win-pzy-epic-fail-1301009963.jpg?t=1301849460)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1300998864.jpg?t=1301849198)
That looks to be an E30 M3. :'(
yeah it does >:( well spotted
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/sales-win-free-handcuffs-every-bed-pzy-epic-fail-1301010139.jpg?t=1301849460)
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Looks like it may be a kid's karaoke microphone.
Ive had enough pocket rockets to know what that is :laugh: Besides I saw it on ebay.
:eyelash:
here is something that is funny to ME ONLY
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-social-facepalm-1297839377.jpg?t=1301849460)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1301529326.jpg?t=1301849460)
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I love this
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1301529548.jpg?t=1301849460)
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>:D
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/halloween-costume-is-the-halloween-costume-bomb-epic-fail-1301594708.jpg?t=1301857721)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1301594755.jpg?t=1301864197)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/parenting-fail-motor-bike-trunk-baby-epic-fail-1301595362.jpg?t=1301864197)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1301595422.jpg?t=1301864793)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/parenting-fail-child-snake-bath-epic-fail-1301594525.jpg?t=1301864793)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1299957365.jpg?t=1301879971)
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W.T.F??
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(http://i.ebayimg.com/00/$(KGrHqR,!gwE17WJMTY8BNhZPmbn2Q~~0_12.JPG)
OMG. I SO need one of them.
I mean. I REALLY REALLY need one of them :2thumbsup: :2thumbsup: :2thumbsup:
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Looks like it may be a kid's karaoke microphone.
Ive had enough pocket rockets to know what that is :laugh: Besides I saw it on ebay.
So you're saying it is a sex toy? Doesn't really look like one. Maybe a microphone, or flashlight like Eclair suggested.
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Looks like it may be a kid's karaoke microphone.
Ive had enough pocket rockets to know what that is :laugh: Besides I saw it on ebay.
So you're saying it is a sex toy? Doesn't really look like one. Maybe a microphone, or flashlight like Eclair suggested.
Looks like the base of a pocket rocket to me :)
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Lol. Looked it up and so it is.
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Pets
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/funny_rabbit3.jpg?t=1301880700)
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(http://i.ebayimg.com/00/$(KGrHqR,!gwE17WJMTY8BNhZPmbn2Q~~0_12.JPG)
OMG. I SO need one of them.
I mean. I REALLY REALLY need one of them :2thumbsup: :2thumbsup: :2thumbsup:
A curling iron? Cute! :snowman:
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OMG. I SO need one of them.
I mean. I REALLY REALLY need one of them :2thumbsup: :2thumbsup: :2thumbsup:
A curling iron? Cute! :snowman:
:rofl:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/rabbit_cookie.jpg?t=1301905072)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/funny_catz_21.jpg?t=1301914198)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/2.jpg?t=1301914198)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-dogs-1299667294.jpg?t=1301914198)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikTxfIDYx6Q
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cute dancing, love it!
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/epic-win-photos-breaking-in-win.jpg?t=1302041890)
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Ouch
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/engrish-funny-ouch.jpg?t=1302041890)
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Ouch
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/engrish-funny-ouch.jpg?t=1302041890)
The woman who uses these is truly :viking:
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twin talking to each other (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JmA2ClUvUY)
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twin talking to each other (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JmA2ClUvUY)
They are discussing how the one's sock ended up in the freezer :autism:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/its-a-trap-8.jpg?t=1302044594)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-dogs-1299542488.jpg?t=1302045120)
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(http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/its-a-trap-1.jpg?w=500&h=419)
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oooh nasty!
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/doggie-dental-exam-dogs-look-mouth-dogs-1301784060.jpg?t=1302045120)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1300291076.jpg?t=1302045120)
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WTF?
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Ouch
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/engrish-funny-ouch.jpg?t=1302041890)
Ouch, I hate the cheap tampons! :zoinks:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1300582483.jpg?t=1302045120)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/it-gets-great-mileage-horse-carriage-automobile-rerun-stupid-human-1297899680.jpg?t=1302045120)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/duct-tape-is-useful-baby-wall-tape-security-stupid-human-1301784383.jpg?t=1302045120)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1300997920.jpg?t=1302045421)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1300997983.jpg?t=1302045421)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1300997983.jpg?t=1302045421)
Oh dear god. :rofl:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/happy-ending-nails-spa-handjobs-cubby-epic-fail-1301191877.jpg?t=1302045421)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1300998768.jpg?t=1302045421)
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damnit - forgot to close sunroof
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1300998768.jpg?t=1302045421)
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damnit - forgot to close sunroof
either that or :santa: and :snowman: did some serious making our in the car. And his aim isn't that good at his age.
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(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhulp6V1tD1qbumrto1_500.jpg)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_leqk94uaB71qfwsqao1_500.jpg)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/facebook-demotivational-poster.jpg?t=1302051965)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/633518826342107561-dear-john-because-sending-a-text-message-or-email-is-so-impersonal-demotivational-relationship-poster.jpg?t=1302051965)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_leqk94uaB71qfwsqao1_500.jpg)
(emo)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/death-permanent-demotivational-poster.jpg?t=1302051965)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/5065823_cbe6e1420b_m.jpg?t=1302052319)
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It's three pigs!
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(http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/bryt2.jpg)
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(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_liykycljRL1qaaowno1_500.jpg)
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(http://www.regretsy.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/similarity.jpg)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/-epic-fail-1300291076.jpg?t=1302045120)
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WTF?
I get it :)
I once knew a boy that liked to lick the toilet. And I know LOTSA boys that lilke to wear lipstick so its not a huge leap
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gotta be honest, that pic is actually kinda hot ^^^^^
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I can just imagine bringing home a boy like that
- and my mums face after we left and she finds
lipstick all over the loo :evillaugh:
anyway, saw this earlier and immediately, first
word i think of 'eris'
(http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/its-a-trap-9.jpg?w=500&h=625)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/ladies_slippery.jpg?t=1302076640)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/family_planning.jpg?t=1302076640)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/funny_sign_9.jpg?t=1302076729)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/funny_sign_6.jpg?t=1302076729)
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I can just imagine bringing home a boy like that
- and my mums face after we left and she finds
lipstick all over the loo :evillaugh:
anyway, saw this earlier and immediately, first
word i think of 'eris'
I think Ive freaked my mom out a bit. I mean she figured out the bondage thing as a teenager, ( she prayed when she found out) and she has seen me with crossdressers , but im sure she doesnt know I kick men in the balls and spit in their mouths.
funny thing is, the thing that worried her the most is she thought I was gay
lol, Im not gay.
BUT, I find it funny ( sad really) that THAT is the issue.
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/myspace-graphic-funny051.gif?t=1302076729)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/ladies_slippery.jpg?t=1302076640)
:rofl:
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I can just imagine bringing home a boy like that
- and my mums face after we left and she finds
lipstick all over the loo :evillaugh:
anyway, saw this earlier and immediately, first
word i think of 'eris'
I think Ive freaked my mom out a bit. I mean she figured out the bondage thing as a teenager, ( she prayed when she found out) and she has seen me with crossdressers , but im sure she doesnt know I kick men in the balls and spit in their mouths.
funny thing is, the thing that worried her the most is she thought I was gay
lol, Im not gay.
BUT, I find it funny ( sad really) that THAT is the issue.
Yeah me too, my mom thought i was gay because i spent 5 years on my own
(by choice) i used to take her shopping to the supermarket and as i was bagging up she
would look at the cashier, if it was a man, and say stuff like ''she's a nice girl - if only she could get
a husband, i keep telling her, if only she would wear proper court shoes'' ??? WTF mom
and she would try and fix me up dates with 'nice young men' - in other words real drips.
-
(http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/tamed1.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/ladies_slippery.jpg?t=1302076640)
:rofl:
How true!
-
I can just imagine bringing home a boy like that
- and my mums face after we left and she finds
lipstick all over the loo :evillaugh:
anyway, saw this earlier and immediately, first
word i think of 'eris'
I think Ive freaked my mom out a bit. I mean she figured out the bondage thing as a teenager, ( she prayed when she found out) and she has seen me with crossdressers , but im sure she doesnt know I kick men in the balls and spit in their mouths.
funny thing is, the thing that worried her the most is she thought I was gay
lol, Im not gay.
BUT, I find it funny ( sad really) that THAT is the issue.
Yeah me too, my mom thought i was gay because i spent 5 years on my own
(by choice) i used to take her shopping to the supermarket and as i was bagging up she
would look at the cashier, if it was a man, and say stuff like ''she's a nice girl - if only she could get
a husband, i keep telling her, if only she would wear proper court shoes'' ??? WTF mom
and she would try and fix me up dates with 'nice young men' - in other words real drips.
This makes me think of the awkwardness between my mum and I when I came out :laugh: I remember we were watching some stupid reality thing on the TV and when she was trying to make "small talk", she asked which of the girls did I find attractive. I happened to like the one that looked completely gay :zoinks: My mum was disgruntled and asked why I didn't like the bouncy blonde one :P
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/6-1.jpg?t=1302077989)
>
>
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/3.jpg?t=1302077989)
>
>
>
Friends eh?
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/1.jpg?t=1302077989)
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(http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/tamed4.jpg)
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thought of TheoK :lol:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/6.jpg?t=1302077989)
-
well, where does he keep his stash then?
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/gay-elephant.jpg?t=1302077989)
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(http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/acute-blonde.jpg)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/874922.jpg?t=1302077989)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/hatcat-1.gif?t=1302077989)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/ABumpyRoad.jpg?t=1302079367)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/28851d1241315783-brain-problem-demotivator-simplicity.jpg?t=1302079367)
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(http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/3eda3dce-a67e-40c4-a702-332bda2f20f2.jpg)
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(http://ihasahotdog.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/acda7a6a-c3d7-4df5-8f88-a61b8445363f.gif)
>
>
>
"nom, nom, nom"
-
(http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/kidding1.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/1270844883203-P40.jpg?t=1302079367)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/funny-pictures-cat-does-not-like-nudists.jpg?t=1302079367)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/schotte.jpg?t=1302079367)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/1226735138796jpgmyspace.jpg?t=1302079367)
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(http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/tamed4.jpg)
ha ha that's so fuckin funny
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(http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/tamed4.jpg)
ha ha that's so fuckin funny
Actually, I had a fight with my daughter once, and instead of sending the bitching text to her friend, she sent it to me!
I open text...
"My fucking Mum is such a fucking bitch" etc etc...let's just say, there was a very sheepish little girl who walked out of her bedroom about 10 mins later...followed by a lot of giggling.
-
thought of TheoK :lol:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/6.jpg?t=1302077989)
Ass To Mouth...and Breast Pumps! Wow. :laugh:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/stigdemotivator.jpg?t=1302082439)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/1270844883203-P40.jpg?t=1302079367)
Why does this picture make me cringe?
-
(http://www.wiet.nl//index.php?act=attach&type=post&id=3037)
~
(http://img156.imageshack.us/img156/724/gallery70955075500x500qt5.jpg)
~
(http://www.wiet.nl/uploads/1195586619/gallery_5035_210_14020.jpg)
~
(http://i15.tinypic.com/2cfz1wg.jpg)
~
(http://img185.imageshack.us/img185/1673/bikelg6gf6.jpg)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/1270844883203-P40.jpg?t=1302079367)
Why does this picture make me cringe?
is it maybe you are substituting the budgie's for ... 'parakeet's'???
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/1270844883203-P40.jpg?t=1302079367)
Why does this picture make me cringe?
is it maybe you are substituting the budgie's for ... 'parakeet's'???
Bingo!
Don't anyone post this image on WP or I will have to spend a week explaining that it isn't a vast conspiracaaaaaahhh...
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lioytngeKu1qa6fdko1_500.jpg)
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:lol:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/schotte.jpg?t=1302079367)
Ah, yes. The views I have as Queen. Thrilling.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/1270844883203-P40.jpg?t=1302079367)
Why does this picture make me cringe?
is it maybe you are substituting the budgie's for ... 'parakeet's'???
Okay, since I'm probably the only one who owns a parakeet/budgie around here, will someone explain the humour?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/1270844883203-P40.jpg?t=1302079367)
Why does this picture make me cringe?
is it maybe you are substituting the budgie's for ... 'parakeet's'???
Okay, since I'm probably the only one who owns a parakeet/budgie around here, will someone explain the humour?
It's WP spill-over is all ???
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Okay, is it something to do with homoparakeet or whoever?
-
Okay, is it something to do with homoparakeet or whoever?
Yes. Every time someone writes the word "butterfly" or "parakeet" or "parrot" he is convinced that some vast conspiracy of hackers (Anonymous perhaps) is posting it to torment him.
-
:laugh:
I guess I shouldnt laugh really as it sounds like he has serious issues, but god.
-
Okay, is it something to do with homoparakeet or whoever?
Yes. Every time someone writes the word "butterfly" or "parakeet" or "parrot" he is convinced that some vast conspiracy of hackers (Anonymous perhaps) is posting it to torment him.
Surely he can't believe that my innocent Chirp is part of a conspiracy? :zombiefuck:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/1270844883203-P40.jpg?t=1302079367)
Why does this picture make me cringe?
is it maybe you are substituting the budgie's for ... 'parakeet's'???
Okay, since I'm probably the only one who owns a parakeet/budgie around here, will someone explain the humour?
One of the (apparently more annoying) WP members is called Iamnotaparakeet.
-
He's a really religious, homophobic twat
-
(http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/tamed4.jpg)
:LMAO:
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Safe Sex?
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/1242115138_SafeSex.gif?t=1302136788)
>
>
this is just soooo silly i love it!
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/1259059861_warning.gif?t=1302137085)
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It's Squiddy
>
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/1241699644_camouflage-octopus.gif?t=1302137340)
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funny headstone
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/a291_t2.jpg?t=1302137712)
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It's Squiddy
>
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/1241699644_camouflage-octopus.gif?t=1302137340)
Whoops caught on camera :zoinks:
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(http://imagehost.webidz.com/is.php?i=2305&img=sizematters.JPG)
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Have seen pics of moobs before, but never moob cleavage.
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(http://linuxgazette.net/155/misc/xkcd/listen_to_yourself.png)
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(http://linuxgazette.net/155/misc/xkcd/listen_to_yourself.png)
Someone get on that quick! Most people need this!
-
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_B-CKCNJUt8w/SJQtUHpvOzI/AAAAAAAAAc8/e0gg--wViK4/s400/falcon-punch.jpg)
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(http://www.puppiesandflowers.com/blogimages/jul2008/adCollectionMartialArts.jpg)
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(http://www.cpsblogofdoom.com/wp-content/uploads/funny-pictures-turtle-is-disappointed.jpg)
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http://www.shadyurl.com/
"Don't just shorten your URL, make it suspicious and frightening" :zoinks:
-
My idiot sister has idiot friends:
"I have a mental disease called "Auspergers" because of it, I always feel like people don't trust me to act mature."
-
i think the cat was april fooled!
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/1242395613_cat-prank.gif?t=1302185223)
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http://www.shadyurl.com/
"Don't just shorten your URL, make it suspicious and frightening" :zoinks:
Check out this site I just found:
http://5z8.info/trojan_c3f9ar_amazon.com-phish
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGGTUVuYc1E
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOcpyVoYTSo
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Sex And Good Grammar
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his certificate to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for. The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned,"This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.' " When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes and then she asked "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
-
(http://mbaierl.com/blog/uploaded_images/xkcd_no_internet-740312.png)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0so5er4X3dc
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:lol: Aww...I feel sorry for the poor little guy! I love it how halfway through the video he falls over on his back and just lays there. You can totally hear him thinking "holy shit" in his head, while the world spins. Not like I've had any moments like that before :P
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:lol: Aww...I feel sorry for the poor little guy! I love it how halfway through the video he falls over on his back and just lays there. You can totally hear him thinking "holy shit" in his head, while the world spins. Not like I've had any moments like that before :P
Or the tentative, careful steps he tries to make up the tree...trying to fight the feeling of not being able to brace himself!
-
:lol: Aww...I feel sorry for the poor little guy! I love it how halfway through the video he falls over on his back and just lays there. You can totally hear him thinking "holy shit" in his head, while the world spins. Not like I've had any moments like that before :P
Or the tentative, careful steps he tries to make up the tree...trying to fight the feeling of not being able to brace himself!
Yes. The "I can do this...caaaareful...." intense concentration it takes to do the walk.
-
Poor little fella
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Poor little fella
Thank goodness it's not just me. Thought it was sad. He looked scared and maybe sick; reminded me of my dog when it was having seizures. Couldn't watch but the first bit of it.
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Poor little fella
Thank goodness it's not just me. Thought it was sad. He looked scared and maybe sick; reminded me of my dog when it was having seizures. Couldn't watch but the first bit of it.
I used to raise infant squirrels that lost their mothers so I feel for the little critters.
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Poor little fella
Thank goodness it's not just me. Thought it was sad. He looked scared and maybe sick; reminded me of my dog when it was having seizures. Couldn't watch but the first bit of it.
Yes, the first bit was amusing to watch, but yes, then I did realise they should have turned the camera off and left him alone because it seemed they were scaring him more when he was trying to run away around the tree.
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Poor little fella
Thank goodness it's not just me. Thought it was sad. He looked scared and maybe sick; reminded me of my dog when it was having seizures. Couldn't watch but the first bit of it.
Yes, the first bit was amusing to watch, but yes, then I did realise they should have turned the camera off and left him alone because it seemed they were scaring him more when he was trying to run away around the tree.
True. That video was longer than it needed to be. But I do like the first part of it.
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They got too close to him, seemed intrusive
Also the bit where his head was twitching was kinda scary. Like he was having a seizure yeh
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http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100102140337AALDfKm
:rofl:
-
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100102140337AALDfKm
:rofl:
:lol: didn't you feel able to 'offer' any advice?
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/thumbs_11.gif?t=1302382456)
oh wow i would love to do that to someone
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Poor little fella
Thank goodness it's not just me. Thought it was sad. He looked scared and maybe sick; reminded me of my dog when it was having seizures. Couldn't watch but the first bit of it.
I used to raise infant squirrels that lost their mothers so I feel for the little critters.
Awww, you sound like my former landlady. She made a home for so many strays. :)
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http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100102140337AALDfKm
:rofl:
:lol: didn't you feel able to 'offer' any advice?
uhhhhhhhh.....no
and I would love to do that too !
Once I was walking down the street with this guy and out of nowhere he just KICKED this bum. I laughed, but it wasnt funny. Guy ended up biting me. Hmm, I know some strange people
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http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100102140337AALDfKm
:rofl:
:lol: didn't you feel able to 'offer' any advice?
uhhhhhhhh.....no
and I would love to do that too !
Once I was walking down the street with this guy and out of nowhere he just KICKED this bum. I laughed, but it wasnt funny. Guy ended up biting me. Hmm, I know some strange people
Fortunately you have us to counteract the weirdness. :P
-
:M
im sure no one finds this funny
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he doesn't appear too grateful eris
tip : 'cut his portions down'
:lol:
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oh, and yeah i know it looks young. it's a twinky thing, i promise he is old enough ;)
thubbs up !
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:M
im sure no one finds this funny
I love that little Pomeranian, he is a sweetheart! :heart:
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http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100102140337AALDfKm
:rofl:
OUCH, that for a very long time has been my absolute "do not touch" area. And I still am very sensitive about my navel. Just reading it made me cringe. :asthing:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/thumbs_11.gif?t=1302382456)
oh wow i would love to do that to someone
Me too. Not only to someone. Just on my own and a big puddle is great too.
And yes, I do walk through layers of leaves kicking them, and do walk through puddles on my rounds. Just can't jump in them, it would wet and soil the envelopes. :M
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(http://www.pets.ca/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=41481&stc=1&d=1221350136)
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(http://i1212.photobucket.com/albums/cc445/hetiswat/cats%202010/failed_experiment.png)
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http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100102140337AALDfKm
:rofl:
:lol: didn't you feel able to 'offer' any advice?
uhhhhhhhh.....no
and I would love to do that too !
Once I was walking down the street with this guy and out of nowhere he just KICKED this bum. I laughed, but it wasnt funny. Guy ended up biting me. Hmm, I know some strange people
...I suppose "pierce it" is too obvious a suggestion, then...
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my friend (a guy) just IM'ed me this about ATM
"its not that bad..i dont mind the taste of myself..ass just tastes like..ass i guess"
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Okay, no one else is going to say it. That thumbs keeps freaking me out.
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Okay, no one else is going to say it. That thumbs keeps freaking me out.
It almost looks like a flesh colored GEICI gecko.
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/avatar2698_85.gif?t=1302424088)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/th_1242225388_stare_at_the_dot.gif?t=1302424388)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/th_1242225388_stare_at_the_dot.gif?t=1302424388)
I did indeed see the Union Jack in its true colors! Do I win a free trip to England? :snowman:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/th_1242225388_stare_at_the_dot.gif?t=1302424388)
I did indeed see the Union Jack in its true colors! Do I win a free trip to England? :snowman:
I had things like that happening a lot yesterday and the day before.
Can be very annoying just walking the streets, getting after-images pasted on what is there, all the time. :P
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/th_1242225388_stare_at_the_dot.gif?t=1302424388)
I did indeed see the Union Jack in its true colors! Do I win a free trip to England? :snowman:
I had things like that happening a lot yesterday and the day before.
Can be very annoying just walking the streets, getting after-images pasted on what is there, all the time. :P
Do you think you see afterimages more than most people do? :orly:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IEYty1e810
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/th_1242225388_stare_at_the_dot.gif?t=1302424388)
I did indeed see the Union Jack in its true colors! Do I win a free trip to England? :snowman:
I had things like that happening a lot yesterday and the day before.
Can be very annoying just walking the streets, getting after-images pasted on what is there, all the time. :P
Do you think you see afterimages more than most people do? :orly:
When tired, or with a migrainy head, yes, I think I see them a lot more. They are quite common for me. Yesterday I had them really a lot. Shiny things make it happen more btw. But, it is not just shiny things. The after image is always in negative colours compared to the original.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/th_1242225388_stare_at_the_dot.gif?t=1302424388)
I did indeed see the Union Jack in its true colors! Do I win a free trip to England? :snowman:
I had things like that happening a lot yesterday and the day before.
Can be very annoying just walking the streets, getting after-images pasted on what is there, all the time. :P
Do you think you see afterimages more than most people do? :orly:
When tired, or with a migrainy head, yes, I think I see them a lot more. They are quite common for me. Yesterday I had them really a lot. Shiny things make it happen more btw. But, it is not just shiny things. The after image is always in negative colours compared to the original.
On occasion it happens to me with thoughts, more like a retinal burn though like after looking at a bright light.
-
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/funny-pictures-if-you-fits-you-ships-nao-git-in-thar.jpg)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/1.jpg?t=1302467837)
:runaway:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/gorilla_middle_finger.jpg?t=1302468612)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/fs-12.jpg?t=1302475923)
>
>
I will try :zoinks:
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Oh, ok
>
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/fs-14.jpg?t=1302475191)
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Sorry folks all sold out now
>
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/fs-71.jpg?t=1302475191)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/fs-912.jpg?t=1302475191)
>
>
Oh OK, I WONT'T
-
This reminds me of when Queen Victoria says 'hold on to your knickers..'
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/ride1.jpg?t=1302475191)
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business is booming
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/bizarre-sgns-van-business-signs.jpg?t=1302475191)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/43.jpg?t=1302475191)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/dear-bell-yellow-pages-image.jpg?t=1302475923)
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:laugh: Good ones, Bodaccea.
-
dunno if anyone else will find this funny, I did though. someone took this video just round the corner from my house
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PsDuElqrW8
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Keep thinking about this one. Have to know that sign's there because someone got hurt sitting on that fence. :laugh:
Oh, ok
>
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/fs-14.jpg?t=1302475191)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/dear-bell-yellow-pages-image.jpg?t=1302475923)
I feel their pain. I have three phone books of various sizes
and I never use ANY OF THEM! :rofl:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/fs-8.jpg?t=1302475923)
>
>
:frog:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/variopaint1.jpg?t=1302475923)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/variopaint3.jpg?t=1302475923)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/variopaint1.jpg?t=1302475923)
^ I'll bet some underpaid employee decided to have a little fun! :2thumbsup:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/fs4.jpg?t=1302475923)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/fs-4.jpg?t=1302475923)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/fs-6.jpg?t=1302475923)
>
>
Wonder if they have any plots left?
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/fs3.jpg?t=1302480469)
>
>
OK i will try not to??
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/fs2.jpg?t=1302480469)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/fs1.jpg?t=1302480469)
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You know when it's time to change bank
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/72460_700b1.jpg?t=1302480469)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/invishomeless.jpg?t=1302480469)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/fs2.jpg?t=1302480469)
Did it work? :autism:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/fs2.jpg?t=1302480469)
Did it work? :autism:
well ...erm :bunny:
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I wonder what Admiral Lady Sea Tart has been doing with the Royal Funds?
(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/bce353de-de68-4ef9-8ad5-6ba82cc88ce5.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/5d9d371a-4f5a-4b52-9d10-fdd2af516668.jpg)
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(http://chzfailafterdark.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/a-real-shitty-list.jpg)
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And he was such a nice little boy.
(http://poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/fashion-fail-look-mom-no-lobes.jpg)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/131.jpg?t=1302532184)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/101.jpg?t=1302532184)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/62-1.jpg?t=1302532184)
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FAMILY PHOTO?
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/51364-220x220.jpg?t=1302532184)
>
FAIL
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/bs511.jpg?t=1302532184)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/bs172.jpg?t=1302532184)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/img_0226-640x480-1.jpg?t=1302532184)
>
RULE NO. 11 ?
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/variopaint1.jpg?t=1302475923)
And that would be why I don't eat fast food.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYVsuiLBUPs
-
Some random pics
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/hot_weird_funny_amazing_cool2_a-inspirational-demotivational-posters-1_2009072606060811974.jpg?t=1302660270)
>
>
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/very_epic_fail_poster_by_mentaloliblade-d38djee.jpg?t=1302660270)
>
>
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/decisions-decisions-naughty-demotivational-poster-1302541204.jpg?t=1302660270)
>
>
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/bs55.jpg?t=1302660420)
>
>
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/9auDi.png?t=1302660420)
>
>
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/5.jpg?t=1302660420)
>
>
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/bizarre-signs-business-signs-sign-gay-fish.jpg?t=1302660420)
>
>
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/fs-12.jpg?t=1302660645)
>
>
>
this one is sort of 3d..it is visually quite appealing
>
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/375sw5yu084.gif?t=1302660709)
>
>
>
i just like this
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes3/1240588691_zoom_in_on_a_fly.gif?t=1302660709)
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Just rejected a spammer whose email was maledouche@...... :green:
-
sometimes the topix sex forum just cracks me up
-
:thumbup:
-
(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/17135666-c74b-4146-b32c-0699724d17eb.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/716738e5-ff6a-4e5f-b4f9-b6b998ef10d0.jpg)
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(http://i1118.photobucket.com/albums/k606/d_olson27/silly20pic1.jpg)
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(http://i1118.photobucket.com/albums/k606/d_olson27/funny-pictures-squirrels-have-discovered-coffee.jpg)
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(http://i1118.photobucket.com/albums/k606/d_olson27/bull_Funny_Pics-s500x375-17812-580.jpg)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odhAbHgfk_c
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Ever see faces in buildings?
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Hidden-faces-found-in-Buildings_01.jpg?t=1302991408)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Hidden-faces-found-in-Buildings_3.jpg?t=1302991408)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Hidden-faces-found-in-Buildings_6.jpg?t=1302991408)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Hidden-faces-found-in-Buildings_11.jpg?t=1302991408)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Hidden-faces-found-in-Buildings_13.jpg?t=1302991408)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Hidden-faces-found-in-Buildings_15.jpg?t=1302991408)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Hidden-faces-found-in-Buildings_17.jpg?t=1302991408)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Hidden-faces-found-in-Buildings_18.jpg?t=1302991408)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Hidden-faces-found-in-Buildings_24.jpg?t=1302992423)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Hidden-faces-found-in-Buildings_25.jpg?t=1302992423)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Hidden-faces-found-in-Buildings_30.jpg?t=1302992423)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Hidden-faces-found-in-Buildings_32.jpg?t=1302992423)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Hidden-faces-found-in-Buildings_44.jpg?t=1302992423)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Hidden-faces-found-in-Buildings_49.jpg?t=1302992423)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Hidden-faces-found-in-Buildings_50.jpg?t=1302992423)
>
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/7113.jpg?t=1302992724)
low budget toilet
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Animals getting stuck?
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Stupid-Animals-Got-Stuck_01.jpg?t=1302992724)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Stupid-Animals-Got-Stuck_2.jpg?t=1302992724)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Stupid-Animals-Got-Stuck_4.jpg?t=1302992724)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Stupid-Animals-Got-Stuck_9.jpg?t=1302992724)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Stupid-Animals-Got-Stuck_10.jpg?t=1302992724)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Stupid-Animals-Got-Stuck_11.jpg?t=1302992724)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Stupid-Animals-Got-Stuck_12.jpg?t=1302992724)
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/Stupid-Animals-Got-Stuck_19.jpg?t=1302992724)
>
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/funny_personal_ads_01.jpg?t=1302992724)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/funny_personal_ads_12.jpg?t=1302993429)
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OMFG
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I told some guy to write my name on his dick, and take a picture. and he did
AND HE WROTE TO ME SAYING ITS BEEN ON HIS DICK 2 DAYS NOW AND IT WONT COME OFF EVEN IN THE SHOWER
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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:lol:
Next step, get them to tattoo it :orly:
-
I had a sub once saying he wanted to get a slave tattoo, saying i was his owner and everything
I was like ....uh....how serious do you think we are ???
He didnt like that answer.
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/funny_personal_ads_01.jpg?t=1302992724)
I WANT TO HEAR THE NOISE
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/funny_personal_ads_01.jpg?t=1302992724)
I WANT TO HEAR THE NOISE
I know. It kind of makes you curious, doesn't it?
-
Yes, I'm very curious what that noise could be.
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me too. can't be very loud though if he doesnt know he is doing it
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/personal-ad-copy.jpg?t=1303043413)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/imagesqtbnANd9GcTV5p3xxcsbLuqoTvemK.jpg?t=1303073815)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/dear-diedre_FunnyFail.jpg?t=1303073815)
eh? wtf?
b.t.w. Dear Diedre was the Agony Aunt for 'the sun' newspaper
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/fail4.jpg?t=1303073815)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/fail4.jpg?t=1303073815)
Ouroboros.
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/paas2.jpg?t=1303073815)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/198543.jpg?t=1303116948)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/198546.jpg?t=1303116948)
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljrjuvbDyF1qhnu9uo1_500.jpg)
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljrjuvbDyF1qhnu9uo1_500.jpg)
That reminds me of another sign I saw recently. "Keep your Boehner out of my vagina". :LOL:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/198546.jpg?t=1303116948)
That's actually a lifelike doll.
-
(http://www.ijohnpederson.com/wp-content/uploads/Like-A-Boss.jpg)
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(http://www.ijohnpederson.com/wp-content/uploads/Like-A-Boss.jpg)
*big flashy grin* :thumbup:
-
At 1:15 mins in, it gets hilarious
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i479N2ei8Us
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That last dog has mad skillz 8)
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(http://www.walrusbucketsaga.com/images/01-i-has-a-bucket.jpg)
lolrus forever :pinkbeat:
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(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljcr67cZEk1qeoegzo1_500.jpg)
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(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhhmquUl8h1qb6t6wo1_500.jpg)
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I apologise, this is just daft
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/normal-cone-200x200.jpg?t=1303331909)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/22198-220x220.jpg?t=1303332045)
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Barbie has aged a bit i see...
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/30015-220x220.jpg?t=1303332045)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/kids-640x217.png?t=1303332045)
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(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgo7xkPUhF1qb72vzo1_500.png)
Let's Order Linguini :autism:
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(http://images.memegenerator.net/Like-a-Boss-Duck/File/645349/Like-a-Boss-Duck.jpg)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgm8tnCw181qdqc8ko1_500.jpg)
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(http://images.memegenerator.net/Like-a-Boss-Duck/File/645349/Like-a-Boss-Duck.jpg)
Brown duck is :viking:
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I'm not sure if infographics about sex make me happy more because they're about sex or because they're infographics.
(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/fapsss.jpg)
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"26% of women have intentionally been walked in on."
HOT.
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I'm not sure if infographics about sex make me happy more because they're about sex or because they're infographics.
(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/fapsss.jpg)
It's incorrect!
Female porcupines use sticks as vibrators not dildos.
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I googled :tinfoil:
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I googled :tinfoil:
What was it you said about furries? :zoinks:
-
I googled :tinfoil:
What was it you said about furries? :zoinks:
I was curious! :(
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Commas matter.
(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljxktyYRdX1qcx9gdo1_500.jpg)
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(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_FZTCk9FD9zY/TEO1i18FgAI/AAAAAAAAAEI/jFCDUY70v_A/s1600/atheism.jpg)
(well, made me lol)
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some guy i was just talking to is from Middelfart, Denmark
middle fart
lol
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(http://sophosnews.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/hilarious-status-update-graphic1.jpg?w=640)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tctY8ntGx_M
Make sure your sound is on for this one :lol:
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDUH1Pjl5Sk
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVVzUxXxQZU
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/funny-facebook-fails-what-was-all-that-one-in-a-million-talk.jpg)
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(http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/job-fails-nice-try-meleficent.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/epic-win-photos-lemonade-shortage-win.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/d4e4c89b-f7eb-4575-8a3c-6463f559635b.jpg)
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(http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/job-fails-a-fairly-common-problem.jpg)
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/funny-graphs71.png)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/funny-facebook-fails-found-you.jpg)
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(http://chzdailywhat.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/6024ed8f-4f2f-4624-ad7c-ed42023a97a2.jpg)
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(http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Failbooking/~3/UazwdINHT-Q/)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/funny-facebook-fails-sounds-like-an-episode-of-fear-factor2.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/epic-win-photos-hacked-irl-baby-grilling-station.jpg)
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:laugh: Took a moment to realize what that is.
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/55b18c33-1a7e-4fcd-9b33-3f51fc9622e0.jpg)
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(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lju1mgAp9y1qj7swfo1_500.jpg)
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(http://chzdailywhat.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/6024ed8f-4f2f-4624-ad7c-ed42023a97a2.jpg)
yes i would be a worried parent if that came to light on parents evening
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/ScreenShot022.jpg?t=1303673409)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/ScreenShot021.jpg?t=1303673409)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/ScreenShot019-1.jpg?t=1303673409)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/566594.jpg?t=1303673687)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/667343.jpg?t=1303673687)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/mycholesterollj9.jpg?t=1303673687)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/pedomotivator.jpg?t=1303673687)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/818267.jpg?t=1303673687)
Silly but funny
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/722554.jpg?t=1303673687)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/623192.jpg?t=1303673687)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/918292.jpg?t=1303673687)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/916610.jpg?t=1303673687)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/26.jpg?t=1303675462)
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Why does the Easter Bunny hide eggs?
He doesn't want anyone to know he's been screwing a chicken.
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_DSKT1SrBsbg/S7kMKoVEoyI/AAAAAAAAAF0/HVKUhJbsG4o/s1600/nasty+easter+bunny.jpg)
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(http://eightsolid.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/17.jpg)
-
Happy Easter XX
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/funny-easter-picture.jpg?t=1303681323)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/easter_what.jpg?t=1303681323)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/imagesqtbnANd9GcRY4neMWX5Ldz5L4PYeSzwtQ2w-eBkJ1XWFpy2t0UELS6ymnz4m.jpg?t=1303682884)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/imagesqtbnANd9GcTnd14OJniYJX8Z_MxsleUTxgKToLddwltOYL73Zwxg0EKdY4Dz.jpg?t=1303682884)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/imagesqtbnANd9GcSKrzn82JysCOounLA69WFp-9d1YKWL055D8-yZx89S6DqhHDMoOg.jpg?t=1303682884)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/623192.jpg?t=1303685759)
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Squiddy
huh ... always looking good for interwebz camera
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/BcWvI2Y6iT.gif?t=1303686032)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/2248yu2277.gif?t=1303686032)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/flyanim.gif?t=1303686340)
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Squiddy
huh ... always looking good for interwebz camera
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/BcWvI2Y6iT.gif?t=1303686032)
That's our Squiddy, for sure, showing off again! :2thumbsup:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/1241795697_slo-mo-blowing-raspberries.gif?t=1303686762)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/1241795697_slo-mo-blowing-raspberries.gif?t=1303686762)
remind me not to date this guy or eat at the same restaurant. :zombiefuck:
-
Dating him could have it's benifit. :P
-
Squiddy
huh ... always looking good for interwebz camera
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/BcWvI2Y6iT.gif?t=1303686032)
:zoinks:
Dating him could have it's benifit. :P
:LMAO:
-
(http://vikholm.se/pics/fun/Frustration2.gif)
-
i love this
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/1241457082_giraffe_om_nom.gif?t=1303686762)
-
uurgh
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/1241433058_huge_tongue.gif?t=1303687440)
-
.
-
Squiddeh thinks there
are far too many
cats on teh
interwebz
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/1003154.jpg?t=1303731872)
-
:thumbup:
-
(http://vikholm.se/pics/fun/Frustration2.gif)
But with great imagination, you will always see what you want to see...
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes%202/cat-jump.gif?t=1303855178)
-
Not really a laugh, more of a chuckle. I often say, "Don't get your knickers in a twist." The Princess Royal told Prince Albert, "Don't get your niggers in a twist." Needless to say I explained the difference rather quickly.
-
:lol:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/kids-640x217.png?t=1303868710)
-
wtf?
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/just-going-for-a-swim-640x462.jpg?t=1303868710)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/i-fucking-love.jpg?t=1303868710)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/imagesqtbnANd9GcQbqsex8u1zlHb4gG_S3.jpg?t=1303868710)
>
>
Where is the queue then?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/imagesqtbnANd9GcR4fcclm4ojfTRjY4yd4.jpg?t=1303869283)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/4844.jpg?t=1303869283)
>
>
yes it sure does :zoinks:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/4852.jpg?t=1303869283)
>
Really?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/4925.jpg?t=1303869283)
:lol:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/imagesqtbnANd9GcR0YpG1JJJGfu1AzpPWv.jpg?t=1303869283)
>
>
ok, ok, I'll try to remember
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/imagesqtbnANd9GcRZz-mgU7gyHEro62j0w.jpg?t=1303869283)
>
>
yes...indeed :screwy:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/imagesqtbnANd9GcRN8wSaT6_geSHTyk2MR.jpg?t=1303869283)
>>
>
hmmm..someone forgot their tissues
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/imagesqtbnANd9GcTgBDUs2AABIWwfBJGfn.jpg?t=1303869283)
>
>
damn rules!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/imagesqtbnANd9GcTPYl8jgaFpDiNn_qBD1.jpg?t=1303869615)
>
>
ooooh :o
-
(http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/funny-fail-car-15.jpg)
-
tee he he look at that
must have posted stiff nipples at the same time as CG's boob pic
-
I just noticed that :lol:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/imagesqtbnANd9GcRmQUTRKo1Uq5AAXL_eG.jpg?t=1303869615)
>
>
Bargain?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/i-fucking-love.jpg?t=1303868710)
lol I love that
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/imagesqtbnANd9GcRmQUTRKo1Uq5AAXL_eG.jpg?t=1303869615)
>
>
Bargain?
Poor cows.
:redneck: :redneck: :redneck:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/i-fucking-love.jpg?t=1303868710)
lol I love that
It's also funny if you look at it the other way around.
-
I think there is something seriously wrong with that hamster's jaw. I think it's injured.
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6_37rZuTeU
-
(http://incompetech.com/Images/caring.png)
-
(http://jaysolomon.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/wife.jpg)
-
(http://26.media.tumblr.com/VEUXnTTemmkteq6hk4Apmhyyo1_500.jpg)
-
(http://26.media.tumblr.com/VEUXnTTemmkteq6hk4Apmhyyo1_500.jpg)
ok, but you wouldn't wanna see these either
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/nasty.jpg?t=1304196855)
them just nasty!
-
Young bloke pulls MILF in bar
He is only 19, and she is 58 :o
'quite fit' he says to himself on the way back to her's
He can't help wondering what her daughter is like.
She unlocks her front door
and pauses before she let's him in
"would you like to try a sportsman's double" she whispers
"Wot's that then?''
"It's a mother/daughter threesome"
"Oh Yes" he says rubbing his hands with glee
as he steps inside the hallway
Just as the MILF shouts upstairs
"put your teeth in Mom - he is up for it"
:zoinks:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/barbie_shes_got_some_nice_tits_demotivational_poster_Random_awesome_pictures_about_boobs_and_hot_chicks-s352x440-16300-580.jpg?t=1304199113)
-
:2thumbsup:
why did the ladies love jesus? Cause he was hung like that ^
-
(http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/221674_10150250934855449_684180448_9026326_7575958_n.jpg)
-
(http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/23650_335661592550_298119912550_4038511_4730211_n.jpg)
:LOL:
-
(http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/217539_10150161205651875_523186874_6963105_101625_n.jpg)
-
(http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/221674_10150250934855449_684180448_9026326_7575958_n.jpg)
:lol:
So that's why it is called the head?
-
(http://www.techpin.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/cool-teenage-quotes-5.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/If_They_Were_Women.jpg?t=1304199113)
-
i think this is supposed to be porn :rofl:
makes me giggle
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/funny-facebook-fails-off-to-a-great-start.jpg)
-
(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/epic-win-photos-deodorant-win.jpg)
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/funny-facebook-fails-wrong-bar.jpg)
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/funny-facebook-fails-team-isiah.jpg)
-
(http://chzdailywhat.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/caeba4dd-af97-409b-af18-0046bd788c31.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcROJpTgHBc&feature=related
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ltqz3EpufU&NR=1&feature=fvwp
-
make sure to listen to it all the way through :laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MY0LTPCrkmY
-
For anyone who's roomed with a cat.
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/funny-pictures-shhh-is-okay-no-worries.jpg)
-
A woman has been taken into intensive care, with a dyson hoover piece stuck up her vagina. Though she was in a critical state, doctors say she's picking up nicely.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/barbie_shes_got_some_nice_tits_demotivational_poster_Random_awesome_pictures_about_boobs_and_hot_chicks-s352x440-16300-580.jpg?t=1304473580)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/nuts.jpg?t=1304473580)
makes my eyes water and i don't even have any?
-
Makes my eyes want to depart my skull
-
Sometimes your use of question marks cracks me up, Bodaccea. :laugh:
-
i just re read what i wrote... and lol
it's like i am saying i got no eyes!
i blame it all on my interruptions :zoinks:
-
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?"
The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"
The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?"
The assistant replied, "Because you're in a bookshop."
-
lulz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rVs7CVPHNo
-
(http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhrgy9iUdW1qcg8xko1_500.jpg)
-
(http://i38.tinypic.com/fvd2j8.gif)
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/funny-pictures-cat-did-not-mean-to.jpg%3Fw%3D450)
(http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh21/madtabby66/LOLCats/GodwinsLaw_CatPoster.jpg)
(http://www.funny-cats.us/wp-content/plugins/wp-o-matic/cache/916e2_funny-pictures-cat-insults-your-make-up.jpg)
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/tattoogrrrl/bwainz.jpg)
(http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/10/8/5596664d-4b11-49d3-a014-2261e02c14f4.jpg)
-
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?"
The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"
The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?"
The assistant replied, "Because you're in a bookshop."
:lol: poor schleed
-
it's like i am saying i got no eyes!
Or there's a question of having testicles.
-
it's like i am saying i got no eyes!
Or there's a question of having testicles.
:lol: yes i see what you mean, it was a very ambiguous question mark.
-
(http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2010/10/27/3heuufmyep.jpg)
-
(http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/demotivational-posters-birthday-parties1.jpg)
-
(http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/demotivational-posters-like-its-so-much-better1.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/normal_demotiv_pic_4757-preggo.jpg?t=1304701879)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/normal_demotiv_pic_8533-nagginggetty.jpg?t=1304701879)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/normal_demotiv_pic_3260-BinLaden.jpg?t=1304701879)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/normal_demotiv_pic_2089-chihuahua-toupee.jpg?t=1304701879)
Oh Justin
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/demotivational-posters-zombie-bunnies.jpg?t=1304701879)
maybe just trying to get an even tan?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/normal_Approving_Cat.jpg?t=1304701879)
>
ahhh :thumbup: cat
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/normal_demotiv_pic_580462.jpg?t=1304701879)
>
>
EEEWWW! regret that curry last night luv?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/demotiv_pic_6402-black_petite_bra-e1263129569106.jpg?t=1304711649)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/normal_demotiv_pic_239414.jpg?t=1304711649)
>
>
EEEEWWW that gonna need a lot of self raising :eyebrows:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/normal_1188671313357.jpg?t=1304711649)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/normal_demotiv_pic_802-MUTE_TOURETTES.jpg?t=1304713309)
>
>
>
Deaf tourrettes school?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/60fxuy7wdt.jpg?t=1304713309)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Fire-1.jpg?t=1304713309)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Emo-Sharpener.jpg?t=1304713309)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Navy-Seals1.jpg?t=1304713309)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Mail-Order-Brides.jpg?t=1304713309)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/The-A-Team.jpg?t=1304713309)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/4chan1.jpg?t=1304713309)
>
???
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Sexism.jpg?t=1304713309)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Math-Class.jpg?t=1304713309)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Google-1.jpg?t=1304714255)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Angry-Cookie.jpg?t=1304714255)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Sissyness.jpg?t=1304714255)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Google-Autocomplete-Fail.jpg?t=1304714255)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/The-Baron.jpg?t=1304714255)
>
Aaaw i love him!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Its-a-Trap.jpg?t=1304714255)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Omg-She-Was-Alive.jpg?t=1304714255)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/The-Gate.jpg?t=1304714255)
>
>
Ok, i challenge that gate
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Tiny-Cat1.jpg?t=1304721251)
>
Aaaawww
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/End-Cat.jpg?t=1304721251)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Lenny.jpg?t=1304721251)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Cocaine.jpg?t=1304721251)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/The-Hokie-Pokie.jpg?t=1304721251)
>>
*tittering
-
Ladies, shaving and driving don't mix
Celia Rivenbark
By now I'm sure that most of you have heard about the Florida woman who caused a two-vehicle wreck because she was shaving her bikini area while driving. Guess that makes the time you drove with your elbows while eating a Whopper seem downright virtuous, doesn't it?
Florida Highway Patrol troopers said the car Megan Barnes was driving crashed into the back of a pickup truck at about 45 mph. Her reaction time was slowed down because she was too busy grooming her hoohah to pay attention to the road. Oh, like that's never happened to you?
Ms. Barnes told the investigating officer that she was on her way to a date and "wanted to be ready for the visit." Yes, she wanted to look her best. All over. Except, well, we've seen Ms. Barnes' mug shot and she appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart. To be blunt, I don't think a perfectly groomed love rug could possibly make that much difference.
It could've been worse, I suppose. Ms. Barnes could've been waxing her bikini area as she drove along in her T-bird (Yes, fun, fun, fun till the po-lice took her T-bird awaaaaaayy) on those scenic bridges. Imagine the horror if she'd tossed the used wax strips out the window. The manatees might have tried to adopt them.
Hons, I've driven on this particular stretch of highway between Miami and Key West and it's flat-out beautiful with crystal blue water, gorgeous mangroves and cloudless skies. Not once have I been so bored that I decided I'd rather drag a sharp blade over my nether regions just to have something to do.
There are so many "You might be a redneck if" elements to the story of Megan Barnes, but my favorite is that, while performing this extremely personal grooming ritual, she asked her EX HUSBAND to steer the car so she could concentrate ("Help me out, Buford, I'm gonna make it look like a LIGHTNING BOLT!")
What a guy! Not only did he hold the steering wheel so she could concentrate on primping for her big date with ANOTHER MAN, but when the cops arrived, he tried to switch places and claim he'd been driving.
Trouble was, he had burns on his chest from the airbag that had deployed on THE PASSENGER SIDE ONLY. Oops.
To no one's particular surprise, the Highway Patrol quickly discovered that Ms. Barnes didn't have a valid driver's license. Oh, and, the day before, she'd been convicted of DUI and driving with a suspended license. Oh, and her car had been seized and had no insurance or registration. Oh, and she was on probation. Oh, and SHE'S A FLIPPIN' LUNATIC!
Albeit an impeccably groomed one.
-
(http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u273/Kama151/trysaying.jpg)
Don't know if this was posted already, I can't bother to check because I'm a lazy guy like that. Describes my last job well.
-
lol this is fucking hilarious:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw
-
(http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u273/Kama151/trysaying.jpg)
Don't know if this was posted already, I can't bother to check because I'm a lazy guy like that. Describes my last job well.
That should be handed out to all new members when they join here :laugh:
:plus:
-
lol this is fucking hilarious:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw
Yeah, that's hilarious. :LOL:
-
Dedicated to Semicolon :thumbup:
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Punctuations.jpg?t=1304800100)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Women-Drivers1.jpg?t=1304800314)
>
Huh, she is merely saving space parking like that?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Retard-Cat.jpg?t=1304800314)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Demon-Goat.jpg?t=1304800314)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/OMG.jpg?t=1304800981)
>
:o
-
Well done Odeon for spotting it :2thumbsup:
-
I want to know how and why.
-
me too :zoinks:
-
lol i see him
-
That's hilarious :lol:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Sewer-Horse.jpg?t=1304800981)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Imminent-Fail.jpg?t=1304800981)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Slow-Down.jpg?t=1304800981)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Translate.jpg?t=1304800981)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Jesus-Saved.jpg?t=1304800981)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Tell-Me-More1.jpg?t=1304800981)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Fan-Fell-On-Baby.jpg?t=1304800981)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Women-Drivers2.jpg?t=1304800981)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Will-Know-Fail.jpg?t=1304813425)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Drunk.jpg?t=1304813425)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/The-OwlCat.jpg?t=1304813425)
-
Did you hear the one about the Chinese immigrant in the early 1900's who came to New York? You had to speak English to take the citizenship test, so he learned from his employer and neighbors for 7 years. When he went to take the test he found out that he spoke fluent Yiddish because he lived in the Jewish area and worked for a kosher deli. :facepalm2:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Drunk.jpg?t=1304813425)
That must have been one hell of a fart.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Meanwhile-In-Russia.jpg?t=1304813425)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Schizophrenia.jpg?t=1304813425)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/HitchHiking.jpg?t=1304813425)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/In-Case-Of-Earthquake.jpg?t=1304813981)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Lex-Luthor.jpg?t=1304813981)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Clown-Meat.jpg?t=1304813981)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Advertising.jpg?t=1304813981)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/MegaFlicks.jpg?t=1304813981)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Architects.jpg?t=1304813981)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Been-Laid.jpg?t=1304813981)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Eye-Surgery-1.jpg?t=1304813981)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Congratulations.jpg?t=1304814770)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Haha-Cemetary.jpg?t=1304814770)
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Dedicated to Semicolon :thumbup:
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Punctuations.jpg?t=1304800100)
:clap: :indeed:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Haha-Cemetary.jpg?t=1304814770)
Oh, they fail. It is You're not Your.
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Math-Class.jpg?t=1304713309)
a-b=0 so you cant divide it away
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/MegaFlicks.jpg?t=1304813981)
(http://i644.photobucket.com/albums/uu166/4X3L/Demotivational%20Posters/spaces.jpg)
And... another work-related one.
(http://i1199.photobucket.com/albums/aa472/HMRademacher/Funny%20Pictures/fired-from-dominos.jpg)
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(http://bucket3.usastra.com/gallery/Gifs/Animals/Toiletcat_chases_leash.gif)
(http://bucket.usastra.com/gallery/Gifs/Animals/Cat_laser_pointer_bowling.gif)
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Cat Bowling is :viking:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Note-To-Self.jpg?t=1305066647)
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:rofl:
I wish all insanity was that cute.
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-graphs36.png)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-catchy.jpg)
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(http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/job-fails-untitled.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/f0aafccd-d4da-4ce1-ad3a-2eafb6c15df0.jpg)
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(http://jaysolomon.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/viper_meets.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/epic-win-photos-classifying-win.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/24102f89-bb01-4541-8b98-d2020f6d74ec.jpg)
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(http://swick.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/children_circus.jpg)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/cheating-fail.jpg?t=1305144131)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/motorcycle-helmet-fail.jpg?t=1305144131)
>
:zoinks: he can't understand why he is not a big hit with the chix :zoinks:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/emo-fail.jpg?t=1305144131)
>
very attractive luv :smarty:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Funnyfailpics-free_Tacos.jpg?t=1305144131)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Funnyfailpics-do_Not_Use_This_Microwave.jpg?t=1305144131)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Funnyfailpics-wtf_Face.jpg?t=1305144131)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Funnyfailpics-the_News_Hits_Home.jpg?t=1305144131)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Funnyfailpics-fail_Hair.jpg?t=1305144131)
>
Wow what a combover
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:thumbup:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Funnyfailpics-gate_Crasher.jpg?t=1305144131)
>
Gatecrasher lol
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Funnyfailpics-major_Car_Fail.jpg?t=1305144131)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Funnyfailpics-stays_Fresh.jpg?t=1305144979)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Funnyfailpics-boat.jpg?t=1305194054)
>
Oh dear
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Funnyfailpics-be_Pure.jpg?t=1305194054)
>
Fill yer cracks
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Funnyfailpics-wrong_Way_Fail.jpg?t=1305194054)
>
Aww Bless
you just know she is thinking 'new fangled rubbish'
-
MISSING WIFE SEARCH
LETTER TO NAIROBI POLICE DEPT.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to ask your help in locating my missing wife.
We were on a wonderful trip to Africa for our honeymoon several months ago.
On our flight back, we had a connection in England and somehow became separated.
I had her paged for several hours and then contacted local and international police to assist me in locating her.
To date, all of our attempts to find her have been unsuccessful.
I am now desperate to find my lost love and am trying to use the Internet to locate her.
Please forward this to everyone you know so I can spread the word on locating my missing wife.
Mr. Richard Small
Portland, Oregon, USA
REPLY TO MR SMALL AFTER SEVERAL WEEKS
Dear Mr. Small,
We have found your wife in Africa of all places.
However, it is unknown how she got here, nor is she able to talk because of lockjaw, but we are under the impression that she does not want to leave.
We have tried for several days to bring her back home, but she is insistent on staying here.
I have enclosed a picture for you to see that she is okay. Do not worry, because she is in good hands here in this village.
Please contact us if there is anything else you might want to know.
Nairobi Police Department
See attached photo of your lost bride
Louis M. Barrie
CLICK HERE TO SEE PHOTO OF MISSING BRIDE http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/lost%20trouble/missingwife.jpg?t=1305213635 (http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/lost%20trouble/missingwife.jpg?t=1305213635)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeA5mg18JWY
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Apparently this is a true story, the guy who told me wouldn't lie, but its almost beyond belief, i'd kill myself if I was the guy who did this.
This guy was on holiday with his girlfriend and her parents. He tried to fake being sick, so his gf could stay in the hotel room with him, while the parents went out, and they could have sex. But it didn't work, so he had to stay there alone. Well he obviously was expecting something, so when they went out, he went into the bathroom and started to wank. I guess about 5 minutes later. He was practically at the point of no return, when he heard the others come back into the room, so he quickly got up and ran to kick the door shut. Instead, he didn't realise the door opened outwards, so he fell into the main room and shot his load, right in front of his gf and her parents.
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Great story. Thanks.
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My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.
Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.
-
Apparently this is a true story, the guy who told me wouldn't lie, but its almost beyond belief, i'd kill myself if I was the guy who did this.
This guy was on holiday with his girlfriend and her parents. He tried to fake being sick, so his gf could stay in the hotel room with him, while the parents went out, and they could have sex. But it didn't work, so he had to stay there alone. Well he obviously was expecting something, so when they went out, he went into the bathroom and started to wank. I guess about 5 minutes later. He was practically at the point of no return, when he heard the others come back into the room, so he quickly got up and ran to kick the door shut. Instead, he didn't realise the door opened outwards, so he fell into the main room and shot his load, right in front of his gf and her parents.
I like romantic comedies
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uivbBu1pXRg
-
Apparently this is a true story, the guy who told me wouldn't lie, but its almost beyond belief, i'd kill myself if I was the guy who did this.
This guy was on holiday with his girlfriend and her parents. He tried to fake being sick, so his gf could stay in the hotel room with him, while the parents went out, and they could have sex. But it didn't work, so he had to stay there alone. Well he obviously was expecting something, so when they went out, he went into the bathroom and started to wank. I guess about 5 minutes later. He was practically at the point of no return, when he heard the others come back into the room, so he quickly got up and ran to kick the door shut. Instead, he didn't realise the door opened outwards, so he fell into the main room and shot his load, right in front of his gf and her parents.
I like romantic comedies
Its honestly meant to have happened, but its almost unbelievable.
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LOL, that was classic!
Speaking of load being shot, anyone saw a video clip on the Internet with a male porn star unintentionally shooting his cum at the camera man's face? :autism:
-
LOL, that was classic!
Speaking of load being shot, anyone saw a video clip on the Internet with a male porn star unintentionally shooting his cum at the camera man's face? :autism:
Have you been posting your porn vids again? :zoinks:
-
LOL, that was classic!
Speaking of load being shot, anyone saw a video clip on the Internet with a male porn star unintentionally shooting his cum at the camera man's face? :autism:
Have you been posting your porn vids again? :zoinks:
It was Squiddy, I swear. Now that I think about it. Maybe he did it intentionally, that gay bimbo. :autism:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/42e682038b63f.jpg?t=1305370669)
>
he is......
.....because he can!
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/11230794-large.jpg?t=1305375903)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Guess_who_am_i.jpg?t=1305375903)
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LOL, that was classic!
Speaking of load being shot, anyone saw a video clip on the Internet with a male porn star unintentionally shooting his cum at the camera man's face? :autism:
Link? :orly:
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A simple google search would have helped you there. There you go
http://fapdu.com/star-shoots-cum-camera-mans
:laugh:
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:LOL: that could easily of been squid on his knees there :orly:
-
Those of us who fall into the world of hi-tech should take note of the importance of correct grammar. I have noticed that many who text message & email have forgotten the "art" of capitalization. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
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(http://i593.photobucket.com/albums/tt13/spindingo/c4g.jpg)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/used_toilet_paper.jpg?t=1305502791)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Gross_31101.jpg?t=1305502791)
>
my house isn't this bad
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(http://i593.photobucket.com/albums/tt13/spindingo/c4g.jpg)
I :pinkbeat: him
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/MCChiken1.jpg?t=1305502791)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/div_188.jpg?t=1305502791)
>
chav lol
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/femalebrain.jpg?t=1305502791)
>
this is not my opinion btw :zoinks:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/15444.jpg?t=1305502791)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/06-12-015B15D.jpg?t=1305503100)
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-graphs-forever-alone.png)
-
Those of us who fall into the world of hi-tech should take note of the importance of correct grammar. I have noticed that many who text message & email have forgotten the "art" of capitalization. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
lol
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/imagesqtbnANd9GcS_Jq5CHeeBoou5oZymWVwr4d2yNzPufgoF3CoGZ4HdjJSi0An7Bg.jpg?t=1305716480)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/demotivational-posters-the-guy-in-red.jpg?t=1305716479)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Gross_31101.jpg?t=1305502791)
>
my house isn't this bad
I've lived in a house like that.....
The owner said we were making things up........... But this was how our hallway looked like. Unless we had just removed the toadstools.
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-the-return-of-uncle-scott.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-birthday-fun.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-the-return-of-uncle-scott.jpg)
LOL
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-the-more-you-know.jpg)
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-marys-having-an-off-day.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-taking-care-of-the-problem.jpg)
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Failbook. :zoinks:
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(http://bustedhumor.com/blog/images/stories/Dmo/1/AsGoodAsNew.jpg)
(http://bustedhumor.com/blog/images/stories/Dmo/9/Signs.jpg)
(http://i816.photobucket.com/albums/zz83/ShadyKuma/porn1_VERY_Demotivational_Pics_3-s450x376-81264-580.jpg)
(http://bustedhumor.com/blog/images/stories/Dmo/6/ImpendingDoom.jpg)
http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/terminal01/2010/11/12/11/sup-8799-1289577856-2.jpg
(http://bustedhumor.com/blog/images/stories/Dmo/8/SenseOfHumor.jpg)
(http://bustedhumor.com/Dmo/1192396415998bp1.jpg)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Gross_31101.jpg?t=1305502791)
>
my house isn't this bad
I don't think any house ever featured on Hoarders has been that bad! :zombiefuck:
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(http://bustedhumor.com/Dmo/1192396415998bp1.jpg)
Beautiful!
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/attracting-clients.jpg?t=1305965381)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/ass-hair-salon.jpg?t=1305965381)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/please-stop-praying.jpg?t=1305965381)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/being-british.jpg?t=1305965381)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/perfect-shot.jpg?t=1305965381)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/closed-door-dont-enter.jpg?t=1305965381)
>
O really? right, ok?
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/trespassers.jpg?t=1305965381)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/drowning-prohibited.jpg?t=1305965381)
>
erm...ok...will try to adhere to that :zoinks:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/sanitaty-door-opener.jpg?t=1305965381)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/dirty-old-trees.jpg?t=1305965849)
>
i dunno why, this just looks dirty to me :zoinks:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/been-there-a-while.jpg?t=1305965849)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/internet-explorer.jpg?t=1305965849)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/roar-sign-disaster.jpg?t=1305965849)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/jew-exchange.jpg?t=1305965849)
>
yep! bring all your old jew's here :zoinks:
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/piracy-jesus.jpg?t=1305965849)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/islam-vs-christianity.jpg?t=1305965849)
>
hmmm...tough choice?
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/opportunity-knocks.jpg?t=1305965849)
>
opportunist lol
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/epic-submarine-battle.jpg?t=1305965849)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/pray-love-eat-big.jpg?t=1305966588)
>
Pray.....love....eat lol
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/family-photo.jpg?t=1305966588)
>
Family photo?
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/imagesproblem-solved2.jpg?t=1305966588)
>
problem solving...genius
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/gay-driver.jpg?t=1305966588)
>
Too Ghey? lol
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/obesity-epidemic.jpg?t=1305966588)
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So Fucking owned!!!!!!!! :asthing:
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-battle-of-the-exes1.jpg)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/family-photo.jpg?t=1305966588)
>
Family photo?
Is that a TV on the wall?
-
It's common for funeral homes to have monitors for display of photos before and after service.
-
It's common for funeral homes to have monitors for display of photos before and after service.
Ah, I did not know that. We had portraits hung from the walls to remind us of the dearly departed.
-
The last one I went to, a family memeber had scanned photos of the departed from throughout their life and made them into a slide show accompanied by music they enjoyed. It was nice.
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The last one I went to, a family memeber had scanned photos of the departed from throughout their life and made them into a slide show accompanied by music they enjoyed. It was nice.
There was a slide show like that at a wake I attended a few years ago too, a very nice tribute. :)
-
I wanted to take a picture of my dad in the coffin but didn't dare to.
-
I wanted to take a picture of my dad in the coffin but didn't dare to.
Would the rest of the family have misunderstood and given you a hard time about it? ???
-
I wanted to take a picture of my dad in the coffin but didn't dare to.
We took photos of my mom in her coffin.
PS: :plus: for using coffin correctly.
-
How do people use it incorrectly?
-
How do people use it incorrectly?
A casket becomes a coffin when the body is placed in it.
Does anyone know the difference between a death notice and an obituary?
-
A casket becomes a coffin when the body is placed in it.
Never heard of that and thought they were interchangeable. Looked it up and found the distinction to be construction and function.
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A casket becomes a coffin when the body is placed in it.
Never heard of that and thought they were interchangeable. Looked it up and found the distinction to be construction and function.
I stand corrected. Maybe it's a New Orleans thing.
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(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZW_ZMTzLqrM/TdXtJSbd55I/AAAAAAAANQg/V2ska3XQxe8/s1600/1305693028973.jpg)
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Not necessarily a laugh, but surely a guffaw. This from a blogspot of a Mennonite woman.
"And They Think Americans Are Crazy."
Yesterday I ran into my friend JoAnn in town and she told me her mother-in-law in Holland had passed away recently. She had lived and died in her own home, and always refused to go to a nursing home, partly because she was an independent person and partly because she was afraid of Holland's practice of euthanasia. I related this at the supper table. Jenny wondered what euthanasia was. I told her.
She exclaimed:
"So you can't have a slingshot in Holland but you can kill old people??!!"
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Not necessarily a laugh, but surely a guffaw. This from a blogspot of a Mennonite woman.
"And They Think Americans Are Crazy."
Yesterday I ran into my friend JoAnn in town and she told me her mother-in-law in Holland had passed away recently. She had lived and died in her own home, and always refused to go to a nursing home, partly because she was an independent person and partly because she was afraid of Holland's practice of euthanasia. I related this at the supper table. Jenny wondered what euthanasia was. I told her.
She exclaimed:
"So you can't have a slingshot in Holland but you can kill old people??!!"
OMG, and my daughter said something like "Let's face it Mum, I'm thirteen, and you are an old person"..... :hide:
-
(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/epic-win-photos-exam-kit-win.jpg)
I don't even know this woman but I want her to adopt me.
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-the-roadshow.jpg)
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-graphs-sunny-with-a-chance-of-rapture.png)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-crash-and-burn.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-jokes-for-nerds.jpg)
-
Bad, grumpy hare day.
(http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Observer/Columnist/Columnists/2011/5/20/1305930691031/Rabbit-in-hutch-007.jpg)
-
Bad, grumpy hare day.
(http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Observer/Columnist/Columnists/2011/5/20/1305930691031/Rabbit-in-hutch-007.jpg)
:heart: Love at first sight! Those EARS! :heart:
-
(http://cheezdailysquee.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/b24fefcc-c431-4676-8fc1-b1ebffb5fc26.gif)
-
(http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/55e63732-4b8b-4e46-b1b8-d31fd79e62be.jpg)
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-graphs-our-major-fonts.png)
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(http://cheezdailysquee.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/b24fefcc-c431-4676-8fc1-b1ebffb5fc26.gif)
Sorry, I copied and pasted it rather than quote you.
Is that its tail in the lower right? If it is, then what's the dark thing in the upper right? And what's coming out of it's behind? Inquiring minds want to know.
BTW I honestly love the picture, just naturally curious.
-
Looks like maybe another kitten hidden under the blanket moving around back there.
-
Looks like maybe another kitten hidden under the blanket moving around back there.
Ah, yes. I finally made out the claws/paw on the behind extension.
-
(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/fashionscatterplot.jpg)
EDIT: I just realized I quite firmly feel the polo shirt and the gothwear ought to reverse positions in the chart.
-
(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-graphs72.png)
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(http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/job-fails-break-it-open-set-him-free.jpg)
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-mocking-ocd.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-so-many-jerks.jpg)
-
For Squid, I thought you woulda laughed at it too.
On the radio, some lady texted in saying how she can have trouble with the pollen count this time of year, but things are made easier with the gayfever pills she takes :P
-
Please make sure the top is FIRMLY on the 5 gallon paint can before leaving the store.
(http://edge.imgur.com/QMOe9.jpg)
-
Dating advice for you single guys. This is not the proper way to ask your date for sex.
(http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/catattackp1.gif)
-
So Fucking owned!!!!!!!! :asthing:
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-battle-of-the-exes1.jpg)
That is epic win at it's finest.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Frogs_small.jpg?t=1306246264)
>
Dad? is that you?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/sonoftheyear.jpg?t=1306246264)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/cummingcorner.jpg?t=1306246264)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/fuckborough.jpg?t=1306246264)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Woman-Element.gif?t=1306246766)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Marriage.jpg?t=1306246766)
>
spotted eris doing a bit of shopping :zoinks:
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-priddy-much.jpg)
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cat scan!
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/cat-scan.jpg?t=1306246766)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/protestor.jpg?t=1306260456)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/Holdontight.jpg?t=1306260456)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/antenna-installation-guide.jpg?t=1306260456)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/Great-defense.jpg?t=1306260456)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/text-and-drive.jpg?t=1306260456)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/punishment.jpg?t=1306260456)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/punishment.jpg?t=1306260456)
My kind of parents. :2thumbsup:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/hatepicponyz.jpg?t=1306286696)
>
Why is this news lol
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/labblackadder.jpg?t=1306286696)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/Hello_there.jpg?t=1306286696)
hello
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/curious_cat.jpg?t=1306286696)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/catFound.jpg?t=1306286696)
>
LOL
-
Have grown to look forward to these every day, Bodaccea. :laugh:
-
Have grown to look forward to these every day, Bodaccea. :laugh:
i quite enjoy finding them actually :green:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/rapedcaptcha.jpg?t=1306286696)
>look at the captcha word?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/pubic-ham-dinner.jpg?t=1306286696)
>
such a choice, pubic ham or pubic ham :dunno:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/signMaker.jpg?t=1306287530)
>
wtf? lol
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/you-are-here.jpg?t=1306287823)
>
i often get lost aroung there? :zoinks:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/Overtime.jpg?t=1306287823)
>
when is it late night opening then?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/hatepicponyz.jpg?t=1306286696)
>
Why is this news lol
This: Bilton is an area of Rugby in Warwickshire and a ward of the Borough of Rugby. It comprises much of the western half of the town.
The population in 2001 was 4,991. If you sneeze everyone knows it.
-
Have groan to look forward to these every day, Bodaccea. :laugh:
fixed. Actually they are quite amusing and refreshing.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/hatepicponyz.jpg?t=1306286696)
>
Why is this news lol
This: Bilton is an area of Rugby in Warwickshire and a ward of the Borough of Rugby. It comprises much of the western half of the town.
The population in 2001 was 4,991. If you sneeze everyone knows it.
Her Majesty knows her empire well! I just meant it doesn't even sound a nice hat!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/punishment.jpg?t=1306260456)
His expression makes me think he thinks it was worth it.
-
So Fucking owned!!!!!!!! :asthing:
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-battle-of-the-exes1.jpg)
That is epic win at it's finest.
Wow, love really DOES hurt! :autism:
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-protip-getting-out-of-jury-duty.jpg)
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-protip-getting-out-of-jury-duty.jpg)
:roflol:
good one
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-protip-getting-out-of-jury-duty.jpg)
I guess my method would be to simply say, "They're all guilt, unless they're bikers or gangsters, in that case, they're always innocent"
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-he-really-likes-that-song.jpg)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QH2-TGUlwu4
It really is just that good :autism:
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/funny-face-book-han-solo.jpg)
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/funny-face-book-solo-wookie.jpg)
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/facebook-fail-likeaboss.png)
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/bra-virus-meme1.gif)
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/funny-facebook-luke-ad.png)
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/funny-facebook-monica-ad.png)
http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/funny-facebook-laura-vad.png[/img]
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/funny-facebook-dayna-idk.png")
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/facebook-fail-likeaboss.png)
lol, and that is why facebook will be the downfall of mankind. No privacy to say such things without severe consequences. :laugh:
-
:tard:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/lolimage204833.jpg?t=1306459807)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/troll_toilet-460x4601.jpg?t=1306459807)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/112754_460s.jpg?t=1306459807)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/1587-You_looked_sad.jpg?t=1306459807)
>
you looked so sad...so i bought you your happy toy!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/babyelep.jpg?t=1306459807)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/drinking-coke-with-foot.jpg?t=1306459807)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/banksy-is-one-clever-dude1.jpg?t=1306459807)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/lolimage204866.jpg?t=1306459807)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/lolimage204875.jpg?t=1306459807)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/1587-You_looked_sad.jpg?t=1306459807)
>
you looked so sad...so i bought you your happy toy!
:plus: It took me a moment to figure this one out! :rofl:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/lolimage204795.jpg?t=1306479272)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/lolimage202612.jpg?t=1306479272)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/lolimage203639.jpg?t=1306479272)
someone needs to take their meds
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/lolimage20554.jpg?t=1306479272)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/137.jpg?t=1306479272)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/lane_closed.jpg?t=1306479272)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/DumbwomansLane.jpg?t=1306481119)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/bonelessChicken.jpg?t=1306481119)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/overworked.jpg?t=1306481119)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/WaitWhat.jpg?t=1306481119)
:dunno: what is the math's here?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/doing-wrong.jpg?t=1306481119)
>
roadside recovery?
you are doing it all wrong young man!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Toy-machine-fail.jpg?t=1306481119)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Woman-Element.gif?t=1306481119)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/point-of-view.jpg?t=1306481119)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/transparent-raincoat.jpg?t=1306482083)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Multitasking-man.jpg?t=1306482083)
>
impressed with the multi tasking :thumbup:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/transparent-raincoat.jpg?t=1306482083)
Parking lot of a Wallmart?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/173065_o.gif?t=1306482083)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/transparent-raincoat.jpg?t=1306482083)
Holy shit.....there really are no words.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/transparent-raincoat.jpg?t=1306482083)
Holy shit.....there really are no words.
You didn't know there were condoms that large did you?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/150g667098-1.gif?t=1306498974)
>
loved this
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/11230794-large.jpg?t=1306499459)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/transparent-raincoat.jpg?t=1306482083)
Holy shit.....there really are no words.
You didn't know there were condoms that large did you?
The photographer showed extreme wisdom and steered clear from a full frontal shot
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Guess_who_am_i.jpg?t=1306499459)
Guess who?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/Multitasking-man.jpg?t=1306482083)
>
impressed with the multi tasking :thumbup:
Liquid in, liquid out! :zoinks:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes4/65853.jpg?t=1306499459)
>
It is funny how they look like this in the cold light of day...looked like Brad Pitt the night before
at that party!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/OMG_WTF_LOL_569.jpg?t=1306546293)
>
nice air bags?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/OMG_WTF_LOL_578.jpg?t=1306546293)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/OMG_WTF_LOL_41.jpg?t=1306546293)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/OMG_WTF_LOL_550.jpg?t=1306546293)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/OMG_WTF_LOL_552.jpg?t=1306546293)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/just_did_it.jpg?t=1306546642)
>
Just DID it
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/OMG_WTF_LOL_567.jpg?t=1306546293)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/OMG_WTF_LOL_462.jpg?t=1306546293)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/OMG_WTF_LOL_570.jpg?t=1306546293)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/Look-closely-032.jpg?t=1306546293)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/Imported-Layers-400.gif?t=1306546642)
>
Sorry about this one
i always loved the dancing baby
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/Fresh_20Vegetables.jpg?t=1306546293)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/rapture_prank.gif?t=1306546642)
>
damn! too late!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/how_to_leave_comments_on_the_internet.jpg?t=1306546642)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/nice_pears.jpg?t=1306546642)
>
cracking pear :zoinks:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/dong.jpg?t=1306546642)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/well_hung.jpg?t=1306546642)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/2mr7hw0.jpg?t=1306546642)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/opticalvf8.jpg?t=1306546642)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/snake_comic.jpg?t=1306547112 http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/snake_comic.jpg?t=1306547112)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/small_meanwhile20in20paris.jpg?t=1306547112)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/the_fresh_prince_of_buckingham.jpg?t=1306547112)
>
i love this
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/dear_harold_camping.jpg?t=1306547112)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/car_parking.jpg?t=1306580830)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/buttHoleRoad.jpg?t=1306580830)
>
can't be far from my house
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/Smile.jpg?t=1306580830)
>
eeeewww
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/oldManPorno.jpg?t=1306580830)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/_realMansChair.jpg?t=1306580830)
>
chair for men
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/screwdriverPenis.jpg?t=1306580830)
>
oh ok, but it's a bit limited regarding usage now!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/office_timetable.jpg?t=1306580830)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/iPood.jpg?t=1306583978)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/oldManPorno.jpg?t=1306580830)
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/dear_harold_camping.jpg?t=1306547112)
OMW, that looks like Harold Camping from the back!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/warnABrother.jpg?t=1306583978)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/weird_a06.jpg?t=1306583978)
>
someone else with iffy parking skills!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/weird_a.jpg?t=1306583978)
>
hey my parking must be good then :zoinks:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/w_drive_3.jpg?t=1306583978)
>
:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/shortestfairytale.jpg?t=1306583978)
>
:wanker:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/divertYourCourse.jpg?t=1306610887)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/bar_stools.jpg?t=1306610887)
>
cool bar stools
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/groomneedshelp.jpg?t=1306610887)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/myCooking.jpg?t=1306610887)
>
forgive her? yeah go on then luv
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/CheapSlut.jpg?t=1306610887)
>
slut's are cheap
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/2463_startrek-bluescreen.gif?t=1306610887)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/waterOnRoad.jpg?t=1306610887)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/killercat.jpg?t=1306610887)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/Vagina_repair.jpg?t=1306611415)
>
eeeeewwww
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/canuhearmenow.jpg?t=1306611415)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/school_tool.jpg?t=1306611415)
>
Effects of the budget cuts filter down to the classroom...
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/divertYourCourse.jpg?t=1306610887)
America! Fuck yeah! :hahaha: :lol:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/spongBobDried.jpg?t=1306611415)
>
spongebob
-
Hey does this?
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/imagescruising_small.jpg?t=1306611415)
>
>
remind you of ...
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/imagesfred_wilma_baby_car_thumb.jpg?t=1306611415)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/wirelessnotbookmi8.jpg?t=1306611415)
>
the world's very first wireless notebook?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/cheapBrains.jpg?t=1306611415)
>
Brains are quite affordable then really?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/hawaian-aussie.jpg?t=1306611999)
>
Can i order 1 x Aussie pizza
and... 1 x Hawaiin pizza ?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/milfseatfree.jpg?t=1306611999)
>
Milf's eat free :zoinks:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/Beware.jpg?t=1306611999)
>
Im sick of that walrus, always spoiling the fun
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/beerHolder.jpg?t=1306611999)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/mousetrap2010-500x351.jpg?t=1306611999)
>
Mouse Trap!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/dna-500x331.jpg?t=1306611999)
>
Dohhh
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/OMG_WTF_LOL_578.jpg?t=1306612740)
>
yikes!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/OMG_WTF_LOL_552.jpg?t=1306612740)
>
Eeeeew the dirty old cow
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/OMG_WTF_LOL_550.jpg?t=1306611999)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/OMG_WTF_LOL_41.jpg?t=1306611999)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/1287748537-marijuana-field.jpg?t=1306615499)
>
"Have you seen anything suspicous? "
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/1287748591-coasplay-girls.jpg?t=1306615499)
"Na luv, you can't see your penis"
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/1301982614-big-gun.jpg?t=1306615499)
>
OMG - it's bigger than PPK's
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/1303888002-kermit-dead.jpg?t=1306615499)
>
Oh no...he's croaked it!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/1304498995-ducks.jpg?t=1306615499)
>
Duck and cover :thumbup:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/1305538720-rubber-ducks.jpg?t=1306615499)
>
99 problem's but a duck ain't one!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/joker5/small_making20of20abey20road20cover.jpg?t=1306615499)
>
just some dudes standing on the street?
-
(http://www.freakingnews.com/pictures/20000/Beatles-Abbey-Road--20265.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/john-lennon-winking-o.gif?t=1306637915)
-
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/loldog-funny-pictures-innocent-dog.jpg)
-
(http://cloudski.webs.com/photos/Cute%20Dogs/loldogs-cute-puppy-pictures-neednewwitch.jpg)
-
(http://www.myvidspace.com/assets/images/category/funny.jpg)
-
(http://i575.photobucket.com/albums/ss194/fuzzydoodle/Internet%20Funny/funny-dog-pictures-found-lost-ball.jpg)
-
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/funny-pictures-the-army-of-darkness-is-rather-cute.jpg)
-
I wanted to take a picture of my dad in the coffin but didn't dare to.
Would the rest of the family have misunderstood and given you a hard time about it? ???
The priest would have.
-
(http://static.bored.com/user/1356/media/9277799f849975_full_jpg-2.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/0902adf6d9104_full_jpg-2.jpg?t=1306750906)
>
All well and good, only if you both similar in height!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/0e2ee207bc8956_full_jpg-2.jpg?t=1306754630)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/92c2d1dd6e10516_full_jpg.jpg?t=1306754630)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/a232c1f7c714383_full_jpg-2.jpg?t=1306754630)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/63c6ee65b8cat_drinking_jpg-2.jpg?t=1306754630)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/acb0a47719wtf2_jpg.jpg?t=1306754630)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/962c3356e2Subwoofers_jpg-2.jpg?t=1306754630)
>
subwoofers?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/1c0331ae5124588_540_jpg-2.jpg?t=1306756490)
>
Mr T?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/fb151ae78cashmed_jpg-2.jpg?t=1306756490)
>
shy?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/b9b308ff25mcdonalds_breakfast_doesnt_sound.jpg?t=1306756490)
>
Doesn't everyone?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/generator%20replies/a22c4f605b27054_540_jpg-2.jpg?t=1306756490)
-
Fucking awesome
-
I was debating if i should post this... ahhh what the hell
i do find it somewhat amusing, but can see why it would
be offensive to some. So apologies to anyone thinking
Eeeewwww
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/armpit.gif?t=1306921755)
-
Not sure if any would find this funny but I had a chuckle. The other day while out at breakfast a really white Jewish couple came in and sat down a couple tables over with their adopted Chinese son about 5 his name was Reuben :laugh: WTF a little Chinese boy named Reuben how the fuck could they do that to him
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-wait.jpg)
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-advanced-trolling.jpg)
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-blonde-fail.jpg)
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-her-strikedreamstrike-nightmare-wedding.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/l_94fc472f57fede4781a1ab31231253ea.jpg)
>
>
Go on, just climb over and get the ball then.....
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/homicide.jpg)
>
>
Oh shit, i hate it when i do that too, so annoying
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/048nmn.jpg)
>
>
Cycle-sex
-
see-saw
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/1249954246097.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/spare_wheel_fail.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/nature.jpg)
>
>
Grasshole
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/qYXrq.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/i-have-a-dearm.jpg)
>
Fael!
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGBTrCZObyA
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/fail18.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/fail_hair.jpg)
>
shithead
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/epicbikefail.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/bootleg_mercedes.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/balcony-fail.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/189-violin-dont-want-to-hear-it.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/IMAG0215_1_.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/4211_92792037240_657307240_1682909_604031_n.jpg)
>
Run
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/notmyjob.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/underpantswrestling.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/mitchell.jpg)
>
what! they deliver them?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/funny-animation-drop-soap.gif)
>
Eeeewwww
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/homeowner.jpg)
>
This has got to be the best one i have found
Really did tickle me :o
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/gunshop.jpg)
>
Hooray for Capt. Obvious :clap:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/firebox_pranks.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/condom_spill.jpg)
>
on the way to embro too...
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/firebox_pranks.jpg)
:hahaha:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/et6ump.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/gummi_lighthouses.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/camoflaughe.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/congrads1.jpg)
>
>
you just can't escape a spelling nazi!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/broomstick.jpg)
>
I think the mother is just annoyed she didn't get a go!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/RLcy6.jpg)
>
There is only room in the front for the beer and the dog
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/jackhammers.jpg)
>
oh my, a contender for ' mum of the year'
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/intruder.jpg)
>
an elaborate excuse for killing your dog!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/rollingpin.jpg)
>
oh man, i run fast too when i see a rolling pin?!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/danikafail.jpg)
>
Remind you of anyone??
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/gorilla.jpg)
>
reckon it was his grow ;)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/grandma.jpg)
>
No!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/identifiyingwood.jpg)
>
looks like a real absorbing hobby you got there pal
-
(http://i889.photobucket.com/albums/ac93/EverNessX/Reprinted/12.jpg)
-
(http://i1120.photobucket.com/albums/l497/eapost/Funnies/Humoranimal.gif)
-
(http://i381.photobucket.com/albums/oo252/crazauntie/Funny%20Animal%20Sayings/funny-pictures-cobwebs.jpg)
-
(http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f12/kingofthedead280/funny-pictures-where-animal-cracker.jpg)
-
(http://i735.photobucket.com/albums/ww357/jcampo5/funny_pictures_A_Real_Party_Animal.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/l_94fc472f57fede4781a1ab31231253ea.jpg)
>
>
Go on, just climb over and get the ball then.....
Is this a red-neck circumcision or vasectomy?
-
The funny part is someone went for the camera before helping him.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/l_94fc472f57fede4781a1ab31231253ea.jpg)
>
>
Go on, just climb over and get the ball then.....
Is this a red-neck circumcision or vasectomy?
That would be a sex change!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/l_94fc472f57fede4781a1ab31231253ea.jpg)
>
>
Go on, just climb over and get the ball then.....
Is this a red-neck circumcision or vasectomy?
That would be a sex change!
Do you think Soph would be interested in the do-it-yourself kit for $19.99? Get Billy Mays.
-
:thumbup:
-
INTERESTING OBSERVATION
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
And....
6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
There must be a ton of people in (insert your capitol) playing MARBLES!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/chickaccuses.jpg)
>
What are we like...us chicks?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/df8104ab.jpg)
>
When i grow up i wanna be an egg mcmuffin!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/translation.jpg)
-
makes me feel old, I'm from the last year of X, and to know there are 2 after of me makes me cry
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/failsatan1.jpg)
>
Oh well at least they aren't worshipping Satan :zoinks:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/valley.jpg)
>
and you look it
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/Untitled-1.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/15546_169942882190_515042190_3417901_3158545_n.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/pieareamc6.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/classicfunws_picdump_no1_10-480x462.jpg)
>
Irony?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/9620_271896515460_525000460_8932799_6854237_n.jpg)
>
We our English
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/efa8d490f6a3c9cf3041652a9c1a369a.jpg)
>
oh ok... :screwy:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/classicfunws_picdump_no1_10-480x462.jpg)
>
Irony?
If that's William Wallace, it's the recognition of reality. :P
-
(http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/7500000/Screw-The-Wands-harry-potter-7532170-750-600.jpg)
(http://files.sharenator.com/8p_There_are_solutions_even_to_the_hardest_problems-s550x500-12435-580.png)
(http://imagemacros.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/its_cool_panda.jpg)
(http://m.demotivation.us/media/demotivators/thumb/demotivation.us_So-honey...-Howre-you-doing-_130350469156.jpg)
(http://ettf.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/bmw-first.jpg)
(http://jesusmsanchezl.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/cheating-level-expert.jpg)
(http://xaxor.com/images/e16e920c69/demotivational_14.jpg)
-
love the rubic's cube :thumbup:
-
(http://ettf.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/bmw-first.jpg)
If only it was an advertisement for Jaguar, not BMW. :laugh:
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-facebook-fails-that-awkward-moment-when-you-discover-your-friend-is-racist.jpg)
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-facebook-fails-hes-gotta-be-there-somewhere.jpg)
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/funny-facebook-fails-a-shoulder-to-not-cry-on.jpg)
-
(http://wrocksnob.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/406_what_the_fark_is_this.jpg?w=319&h=443)
-
(http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/2746.jpg)
“I’ll teach you to leave me in the hot car sweating my damn nuts off while you shop! I hope you plan on buying some paper towels and stain remover sucker!”
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-facebook-fails-just-pullin-your-leg.jpg)
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-facebook-fails-she-can-also-help-you-study.jpg)
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-facebook-fails-a-lost-cause.jpg)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2i9QYWzKGU
WTF?
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-facebook-fails-sorry-dad.jpg)
Poor Dad.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/1386_59ff.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20102.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage2053.jpg)
>
Oh that isn't funny. the man is a pig. actually the second cow is quite funny.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage2059.jpg)
>
Don't upset the mop
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage2087.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20103.jpg)
>
This is awesome
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20118.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20135.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20128.jpg)
>
Don't any of you DARE have an emergency!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20126.jpg)
>
Good Doggy!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20165.jpg)
>
Romantic eh?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20176.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20177.jpg)
>
this is cool :thumbup:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20191.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20194.jpg)
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-facebook-fails-told-you-so.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20218.jpg)
>
yeah he looks professional!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20225.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20225.jpg)
:lol:
Riding by public transport will never be the same again.
-
Nice tan, luv :2thumbsup:
>
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/Tan-overdose.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/mr-et.jpg)
>
Mr e.T. ?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/Not-Really-Sure-if-I-Believe-This-Guy.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/playtime-toys.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/needShoes.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/How-to-sleep-while-sitting-up.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/style-1.jpg)
>
pretty pink :zombiefuck:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/Books-for-tall-people-500x328.jpg)
>
no short stories?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/spik.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/121184644855_ATT.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/Robot20Nine20PhotoBlast2019.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20259.jpg)
>
this guy's face is really pervy
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20258-1.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20251.jpg)
>
i love making friends!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20237.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/playtime-toys.jpg)
Urchin and friend?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20292.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20275.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20274.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20270.gif)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20269.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20331.jpg)
>
:o
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20327.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20324.jpg)
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20301-1.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20302.jpg)
>
have you forgotten someone ?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage203.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage2017.jpg)
>
Ghetto basketball??
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20351.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20343.gif)
>
it's his eyes lol
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20342.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20378.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20397.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20413.jpg)
>
great football pitch
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20448.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20446.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20444.jpg)
>
what a captcha!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20437.gif)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20462.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20477.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20484.gif)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20487.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20488.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20496.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20500.jpg)
>
healthy eating makes you confess
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20516.jpg)
>
Yarrrr :pirate:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/images%20i%20like/lolimage20274.jpg)
The last one on the men's list reminded me of one of the funniest moments I've had when teaching: my 11-year-old, male, autistic student informed me that my shoes didn't go with my outfit.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/nobody_listens_to_me_untill_i_fart.jpg)
>
Personally, i wouldn't know :M
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/copycat_pie_perv_burnt.jpg)
>
>
I would love to have heard the phone call informing his parents!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/fart.jpg)
>
Is that young lady about to let rip?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/showgirls.jpg)
>
lol...why?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/cheap_baby_carrier.jpg)
>
I see they have stopped Gary Glitter again at the airport :zoinks:
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/the_real_beavis.jpg)
>
Beavis and Butthead?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/fart.jpg)
>
Is that young lady about to let rip?
Based on the guy's expression, I think it already ripped.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/cant_hold_it.jpg)
>
Couldn't wait?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/you_have_a_dirty_mind.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/terrible_street_name.jpg)
>
sounds painful
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/stolen_ice_cream.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/stolen_tree.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/funny-classified-ad-part.gif)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/suicide_cat_bomber.jpg)
>
suicide cat bomber
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/anti_valentines_day_party.jpg)
>
yeah i would go to that!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/only_the_dog_knows_for_sure.jpg)
>
Eeeeeeewwwww
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/priceless_skidmark.jpg)
>
Eeeewwww is that a skiddy in your drawer's pal?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/nosey_bastard.jpg)
>
Nosey bastard!
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/an_army_of_one.jpg)
>
"come and have a go if you think you're hard enough"
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/duh.jpg)
>
Dohhh
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/little_brats.jpg)
>
and no QV, this isn't the urchin either, lol
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/delusional_super_dude.jpg)
>
Super______?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/pretty_clever.jpg)
>
at least you don't have to pretend to be Mr & Mrs Smith
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/killer_outfit.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/not_just_a_kiss.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/how_to_tell_if_your_cat_is_plotting_to_kill_you.gif)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/toilet_tissue_promotion.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/wireless_moocher.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/we_wait_30_minutes.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/freak.jpg)
>
WTF?
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/not_just_a_kiss.jpg)
Oh, so that's where you put a hat.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/little_brats.jpg)
>
and no QV, this isn't the urchin either, lol
Actually, he misspelled Queen Victoria.
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes6/not_just_a_kiss.jpg)
Oh, so that's where you put a hat.
Is that a hand in the lower left?
-
probably a corpse, judging by those red stains :M
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/pics1/a-trifling-matter.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/pics1/UK5K31uEER.jpg)
-
Probably need to be a Brit to get these:
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/pics1/shoe.jpg)
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/pics1/maggie.gif)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/pics1/fif.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/pics1/5bdff12618f976ec5e5dbfc07e7ef966jpg.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/pics1/dinosaurs.jpg)
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/pics1/45.jpg)
>
nothing to do with our Jack
-
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/pics1/Jamminatpalace.gif)
-
(http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2011/4/17/70ee79b3-2c02-437b-b624-64328b4081cd.jpg)
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-facebook-fails-diabeetus.jpg)
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-facebook-fails-days-of-hypocrisy.jpg)
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-facebook-fails-classic-premature-infatuation.jpg)
-
(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll20wk1hxH1qeooaeo1_500.gif)
looks like they took acid
-
:facepalm2:
-
Take this test you'll be amazed at what you can find out
Don't skip any of the questions :tard:
Part 1
Say the word "cow'' before each word
1 Cows
2 About
3 Talking
4 Idiot
5 This
6 Got
7 I
8 Long
9 How
10 Look
Part 2
Now say the word "cow'' after each word
1 Cows
2 About
3 Talking
4 Idiot
5 This
6 Got
7 I
8 Long
9 How
10 Look
Part 3
Now say the word "cow'' before and after each word
1 Cows
2 About
3 Talking
4 Idiot
5 This
6 Got
7 I
8 Long
9 How
10 Look
Part 4
Now read the words upwards from,,,10 to 1
1 Cows
2 About
3 Talking
4 Idiot
5 This
6 Got
7 I
8 Long
9 How
10 Look
-
One can never talk too long about cows of course. :meditate:
-
(http://www.tabarnack.com/wp-content/uploads/42843.jpg)
-
One can never talk too long about cows of course. :meditate:
Especially sexy cows. :autism:
-
Maybe not the best example clip but I kinda miss the series 'Coupling'.. it was a brilliant laugh..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52771yKS3As&feature=related
-
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now I know why some people are where they are
-
Maybe not the best example clip but I kinda miss the series 'Coupling'.. it was a brilliant laugh..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52771yKS3As&feature=related
Coupling is available on HULU.
-
I said to some girl the other day, "you remind me of my little toe", she said "ah, is it cause i'm short and sweet?". I said "no, its cause sooner or later, i'm gonna bang you on the coffee table".
-
(http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/job-fails-i-do-like-what-i-see.jpg)
-
Coupling is available on HULU.
Not to nag or anything negative but HULU isn't available outside of the US it mentioned, me trying to visit HULU. Thanks though.
I loved watching 'Coupling' when it was broadcasted on the BBC, really made me laugh and I think I should buy the series on DVD soon.
-
(http://www.demotivationalposters.org/image/demotivational-poster/0911/statue-sex-statue-sex-pope-blasphemy-ben-dover-demotivational-poster-1258908213.jpg)
:zoinks:
-
Coupling is available on HULU.
Not to nag or anything negative but HULU isn't available outside of the US it mentioned, me trying to visit HULU. Thanks though.
I loved watching 'Coupling' when it was broadcasted on the BBC, really made me laugh and I think I should buy the series on DVD soon.
Sorry, I didn't know. I can't access any current BBC TV shows on the net, but I'm watching Doc Martin and Kingdom now. When I finish with them I'll start watchig coupling.
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-facebook-fails-stupid-ruth.jpg)
-
(http://chzholidays.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/weird-fathers-day-gift.jpg)
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-facebook-fails-stupid-ruth.jpg)
I don't get it either :tinfoil:
someone explain
-
(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-facebook-fails-stupid-ruth.jpg)
I don't get it either :tinfoil:
someone explain
The point is to make someone go "I don't get it" ,it's a word play / trap. :LMAO:
-
aw crap :emosad:
-
aw crap :emosad:
:rofl: :plus:
-
I don't get it either :tinfoil:
someone explain
I am glad you said it because I didn't get it either at first. :green:
-
OMFG. some ppl are just weird
alexdreamer wrote :
i will spit in your mouth!
eris23 wrote :
protocol, slave. Now.
alexdreamer wrote :
no, i am stronger than you
eris23 wrote:
and a chimpanzee is stronger than you. I didnt know we were at the zoo.
alexdreamer wrote :
bring it on i have challenged you
eris23:
now why the fuck would you go and do something stupid like that
alexdreamer wrote :
ok... if you dont like the challenge tell me, i wont bother... bring it on if you dare, we will see who is t he biggest bitch, my name is *edited* on Yahoo messenger
eris23:
well, if you want to argue over who is a bitch, i concede. You can be the biggest bitch. have a nice day:)
*block*
well that was fun so early in the morning. bizarre people in this world.
-
OMFG. some ppl are just weird
alexdreamer wrote :
i will spit in your mouth!
eris23 wrote :
protocol, slave. Now.
alexdreamer wrote :
no, i am stronger than you
eris23 wrote:
and a chimpanzee is stronger than you. I didnt know we were at the zoo.
alexdreamer wrote :
bring it on i have challenged you
eris23:
now why the fuck would you go and do something stupid like that
alexdreamer wrote :
ok... if you dont like the challenge tell me, i wont bother... bring it on if you dare, we will see who is t he biggest bitch, my name is *edited* on Yahoo messenger
eris23:
well, if you want to argue over who is a bitch, i concede. You can be the biggest bitch. have a nice day:)
*block*
well that was fun so early in the morning. bizarre people in this world.
:rofl: he got :pwned: :plus:
I can relate to this , imagine the same... with male dom's trying to dominate the other. :facepalm2:
Although setting up a fight is quite funny. :zoinks:
-
sometimes alpha males crack me up. One got my temporary attention last night, and he kept talking about how he had big muscles, and how weakling men cum at the sight of him. and that he and I would have so much fun topping some guy together. And blah blah blah
and im like, bleh
and he kept going on and on about how great he was, and he thought that the two ouf us could cuck some poor guy
I kept yawning. Like actually making the yawning smiley.
he didn't get the idea
so I started going
zzZZzzzZZZzzzZZZ
eventually he just stopped talking
-
:laugh:
-
woof woof
-
I'm 61 and never heard this one.
The young man had just gotten his driver's permit and his father had agreed to take him out in the family car for practice. The son opened the driver's door and got in the car. His father opened the back door and got in the car.
"Dad," said the lad, "aren't you going to sit up front with me?"
"No," said the Dad, "I'm going to do what you've done for the past fifteen years. I'm going to sit behind you and kick and knee the seat."
-
sometimes alpha males crack me up. One got my temporary attention last night, and he kept talking about how he had big muscles, and how weakling men cum at the sight of him. and that he and I would have so much fun topping some guy together. And blah blah blah
Now see , my attention would have been caught here^...
and he kept going on and on about how great he was, and he thought that the two ouf us could cuck some poor guy
^...... and lost here. :P
-
fuckin love autocorrect lol
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTTwcCVajAc
:autism:
-
Q: What did Jesus do when he found out what the Romans were doing in Jerusalem?
A: He got rather cross and hung up about it.
-
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".
The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS"
-
YES!! IT'S HERE!!
A new brand of coffee has arrived!
BUTTCOFFEE
Fresh from the bowels of the Brazillian rainforests, with that nutty flavour that everyone loves.
Once you've tried BUTTCOFFEE you'll understand what drinking shit is all about.
-
:vibe:
-
:vibe:
They've always called us Welsh a bunch of little breeders.
-
Did you hear they had to adjourn the Abbott vs Costello court case?
They couldn't decide who's on first.
-
http://www.overheardeverywhere.com/archives/009320.html I can kinda see me saying this, lol
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http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/tfln/~3/gQbSdB-HxzI/Text-Replies-29221.html sounds like my type
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http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/tfln/~3/sq5Usn11n-Y/Text-Replies-29212.html this actually describes the last time I got laid pretty well. :/
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(http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-puns-sieg-half-stitch.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/funny-facebook-fails-dont-please-for-the-love-of-god.jpg)
AAAAAAAGH
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/epic-fail-photos-parental-supervision-fail.jpg)
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Jack wants a knitler.
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This morning, in distress over the inevitable issues that arise between two autistics attempting communication, Pyraxis cried out,
"I'm paranoid that I'm sorry!"
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^gotta say, that's extremely cute. :laugh:
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*mutter, mutter, grumble*
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAox2OrJ_3I
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*mutter, mutter, grumble*
YOU DID SOMETHING CUUUUTTEEEE!!!!!! nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaaaaaa nyaaaaaaa :laugh:
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(http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd269/Princess_Ailina/LOLCats/nomorecoffee.jpg)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vsw1sX30bc0
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/funny-facebook-fails-correction.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/funny-facebook-fails-messin-with-green.jpg)
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http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/lfmf/~3/y3hJMhVEx9M/ If it wasn't for the drinking problem I'd want this kid's number.
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(http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/job-fails-customer-service-v.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/funny-facebook-fails-skinny-asian-girls.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/epic-fail-photos-probably-bad-news-some-take-these-jokes-more-seriously-than-others.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/funny-facebook-fails-this-is-my.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/epic-fail-photos-autocomplete-me-my-girlfriend.jpg)
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/024094.html
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/epic-fail-photos-tutoring-fail.jpg)
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(http://i162.photobucket.com/albums/t251/kayinetik/lolpics/wetpussy.jpg)
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Yep, that's what a wet cat looks like. And I love the tile color and design. The faucet is a little creepy however.
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Richard's back.
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Here we have a car racing legend named Dick Johnson.
Does that make him twice the dick than say, Dubya?
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Here we have a car racing legend named Dick Johnson.
Does that make him twice the dick than say, Dubya?
Dubya bush, you mean?
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(http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p226/tiffers102/Funny%20Pics/7598.jpg)
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(http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p226/tiffers102/Funny%20Pics/11051.jpg)
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(http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh90/Menashira/Signature%20pics-funny/realization.jpg)
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(http://i1227.photobucket.com/albums/ee440/nevaeh1025/funny_animal_pics_51.jpg)
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(http://i347.photobucket.com/albums/p480/4everdavids/funny%20pics/78.jpg)
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(http://i347.photobucket.com/albums/p480/4everdavids/funny%20pics/bunnys.jpg)
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(http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i174/animefreak025/funny%20pics/uglyass.jpg)
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(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f213/Enfy9999/Funny%20Pics/drugs.gif)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0OkiFHv2io
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'Das höchste der Gefühle' or young woman orgasms in bungee jump thing..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ls2N5f6FnbQ :lutra:
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http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/fmylife/~3/DDpmT3JaqQE/17080549 Sounds like Finals Week.
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(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DwIGqtnXC-k/Tho6ovy0LJI/AAAAAAAAN1Y/ngMZooj_YpI/s1600/tumblr_lky0dqNuyS1qbiunto1_500.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/epic-fail-photos-autocomplete-me-i-hate-it-when.jpg)
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(http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/gettingreadyforsexytimesp1.gif)(http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/quiiiitep1.gif)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/funny-facebook-fails-commas-are-important-baby.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/epic-fail-photos-baby-doll-wardrobe-fail4.jpg)
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(http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/job-fails-meta.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/funny-facebook-fails-she-left-it-wide-open.jpg)
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(http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/funny-puns-colored-pencils.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/funny-facebook-fails-google-plus-terms.jpg)
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(http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/job-fails-self-hating-installer.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/funny-facebook-fails-no-it-wouldnt.jpg)
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http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/fmylife/~3/6DAx3plrwG8/17089969 I would probably get along with this poster. Sounds about on par with most of my friends' families.
EDIT: First post on page 420!!! Sorry it wasn't a joke about pot, guys.
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/funny-facebook-fails-anti-jokes.jpg)
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Ricky's postcount average is now 71.571 per day.
I guess typing all those posts with his peter has given him friction burns.
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Ricky's postcount average is now 71.571 per day.
I guess typing all those posts with his peter has given him friction burns.
He is posting just as fast over at WP the last 5 days as well.
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He sure does have an interesting Internet life.
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I found this while trying to dl porn. :M
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The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below. The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appeared at the top of the plank.
There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back to the top of the gangplank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now."
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I had a flat tire on the 401 yesterday; so, I pulled over, got out of the car and opened my trunk. I took out my cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! Just as I had hoped, cars started slowing down looking at the men which made it much safer for me to work on the side of the road! People honked and waved, and it wasn't long before a police car pulled up behind me.
He wanted to know what the heck I was doing so I calmly explained that I was changing my flat. He told me he could see that, but demanded to know what the heck my cardboard men were doing standing at the rear of my car. I couldn't believe he didn't know.... SO I told him....
Well DUH.... I explained to the angry Policeman....
They're my Emergency Flashers!!!!
(http://www.thepolicedaily.com/images/madrid_small_small.jpg)
I go to court in DECEMBER.
(Damn Police. No sense of humor.)
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An oldie, but still good.
There are three cops that go to the same bar after work every night. Two of the cops are veterans and one is a rookie. One night the rookie and one of the veterans are sitting around and the third one comes into the bar with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. The other two cops ask him, "Why are you so happy?" He tells them, "Well last night I had the best sex in my life with my wife. I had my service revolver cocked and loaded under the pillow. When I was about to come, I fired a shot into the air. Her pussy got really tight and we both came at the same time." The next night, the other veteran comes into the bar with a shit-eating grin on his face and tells the other veteran, "Thanks for the advice. Last night I had the most incredible sex with my wife. I was doing her doggy style and when I was about to come, I fired my pistol. We both had a spontaneous orgasm. It was great." The next night, the two veterans see the rookie come into the bar, pissed as hell, kicking chairs as he makes his way over to them. The rookie says, "Well I took your advice! My wife and I were doing sixty-nine and I fired my gun! The bitch almost bit off my fucking dick and she shit in my face!*!*!"
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An oldie, but still good.
There are three cops that go to the same bar after work every night. Two of the cops are veterans and one is a rookie. One night the rookie and one of the veterans are sitting around and the third one comes into the bar with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. The other two cops ask him, "Why are you so happy?" He tells them, "Well last night I had the best sex in my life with my wife. I had my service revolver cocked and loaded under the pillow. When I was about to come, I fired a shot into the air. Her pussy got really tight and we both came at the same time." The next night, the other veteran comes into the bar with a shit-eating grin on his face and tells the other veteran, "Thanks for the advice. Last night I had the most incredible sex with my wife. I was doing her doggy style and when I was about to come, I fired my pistol. We both had a spontaneous orgasm. It was great." The next night, the two veterans see the rookie come into the bar, pissed as hell, kicking chairs as he makes his way over to them. The rookie says, "Well I took your advice! My wife and I were doing sixty-nine and I fired my gun! The bitch almost bit off my fucking dick and she shit in my face!*!*!"
ROFLMFAO
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A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked. One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing." He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties. Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road over an embankment and wrapped the car around a tree. His girlfriend was thrown clear but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck. "Go up to the road and get help," he said. "But I haven't anything to cover myself with!" she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a police car. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, the officer pulled over to hear her story. "My boyfriend my boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!" The officer, looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!
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An oldie, but still good.
There are three cops that go to the same bar after work every night. Two of the cops are veterans and one is a rookie. One night the rookie and one of the veterans are sitting around and the third one comes into the bar with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. The other two cops ask him, "Why are you so happy?" He tells them, "Well last night I had the best sex in my life with my wife. I had my service revolver cocked and loaded under the pillow. When I was about to come, I fired a shot into the air. Her pussy got really tight and we both came at the same time." The next night, the other veteran comes into the bar with a shit-eating grin on his face and tells the other veteran, "Thanks for the advice. Last night I had the most incredible sex with my wife. I was doing her doggy style and when I was about to come, I fired my pistol. We both had a spontaneous orgasm. It was great." The next night, the two veterans see the rookie come into the bar, pissed as hell, kicking chairs as he makes his way over to them. The rookie says, "Well I took your advice! My wife and I were doing sixty-nine and I fired my gun! The bitch almost bit off my fucking dick and she shit in my face!*!*!"
:rofl: :plus:
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:laff: Naughty queen!
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:laff: Naughty queen!
If only you knew how naughty!
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(http://www.thepolicedaily.com/images/snuggies_small.jpg)
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Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday. Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this... (draws two circles on a piece of paper, one big circle and one small circle) and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd guy) "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" "Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, "this is your asshole before prison......"
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A NY State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the little old lady driver. "Mam, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road"? The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."
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(http://www.thepolicedaily.com/images/snuggies_small.jpg)
...
....
ERIS!!! get over here!!!
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."
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An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house.
Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, "STOP! Acts 2:38!" ("Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.")
As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody.
As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, "Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar.
"She said she had an axe and two 38's!"
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:LMAO:
(http://i737.photobucket.com/albums/xx15/violetstarbubble/chatroulette-trolling-c-yes-but-i-prefer-double-d.gif)
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/49398fe5-5dc6-4d28-a950-ebb7083ab80a.png)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/epic-fail-photos-sticker-placement-fail.jpg)
...
...
THEOK!!!! Get over here!!!
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(http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/job-fails-customer-satisfaction-reports.jpg)
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(http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/job-fails-customer-satisfaction-reports.jpg)
Omg he's from my city. :zombiefuck:
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(http://i1118.photobucket.com/albums/k606/d_olson27/funny-pictures-squirrels-have-discovered-coffee.jpg)
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In my USC Software Safety Course a slide had the following bullet:
HARD AND SOFT HARDWARE FAULTS
Made me think of you guys!
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In my USC Software Safety Course a slide had the following bullet:
HARD AND SOFT HARDWARE FAULTS
Made me think of you guys!
errrr, which USC?
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Trojans
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Trojans
LOL I am a fan of the other USC....even though we cant legally use that abbreviation any longer
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The 'Cocks? They eliminated my Virginia Cavaliers on their way to the College World Series title last month. I posted on fb when they played to "Beat The 'Cocks!"
Come to think of it...
USC Trojans
USC 'Cocks
Coincidence?!?!
When I was at Miami we played The 'Cocks in football and baseball and I almost hooked up with a girl from their at a Bowling Tournament at GT. I was on the Miami team and she bowled for the Women 'Cocks. No, she wasn't portly. She was hawt. Most of the Women Bowlers were...surprisingly hawt. Funny memories! To me, anyway.
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The 'Cocks? They eliminated my Virginia Cavaliers on their way to the College World Series title last month. I posted on fb when they played to "Beat The 'Cocks!"
Come to think of it...
USC Trojans
USC 'Cocks
Coincidence?!?!
When I was at Miami we played The 'Cocks in football and baseball and I almost hooked up with a girl from their at a Bowling Tournament at GT. I was on the Miami team and she bowled for the Women 'Cocks. No, she wasn't portly. She was hawt. Most of the Women Bowlers were...surprisingly hawt. Funny memories! To me, anyway.
Quite a few hawt southern girls.
Took a minute, but I caught on to the Trojans ~ Cocks thing...LOL
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/funny-facebook-fails-youre-like-an-ipod1.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/epic-fail-photos-things-that-are-doing-it-the-trifecta.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/epic-win-photos-detour-win.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/epic-fail-photos-classmate-name-fail.jpg)
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(http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm223/skyblue1110/ice.jpg)
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"Morning Sex"
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only yhe 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then have it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
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I have two urethras!!! :hahaha:
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It wasn't intentional, but part of Callaway's response made me roar with laughter until tears ran down my cheeks.
"So when my daughter did it, the first thing I tried was driving around looking for a squashed squirrel."
Addendum: While looking for a picture of a dead squirrel, I found this website. It is chock full of "Awws"
http://www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/ (http://www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/)
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It wasn't intentional, but part of Callaway's response made me roar with laughter until tears ran down my cheeks.
"So when my daughter did it, the first thing I tried was driving around looking for a squashed squirrel."
Addendum: While looking for a picture of a dead squirrel, I found this website. It is chock full of "Awws"
http://www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/ (http://www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/)
Cute little squirrel.
You aren't the first one of my friends to roar with laughter at what I did. It's very funny now that I'm not so scared that my daughter is going to run out in front of a car anymore.
When I told my frend who has a daughter the same age as my daughter and a son not quite a year younger than her, she also laughed until tears streamed down her face. Her daughter had the same problem as mine and her husband accidentally dislocated her elbow snatching her out of the path of a speeding car.
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It wasn't intentional, but part of Callaway's response made me roar with laughter until tears ran down my cheeks.
"So when my daughter did it, the first thing I tried was driving around looking for a squashed squirrel."
Addendum: While looking for a picture of a dead squirrel, I found this website. It is chock full of "Awws"
http://www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/ (http://www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/)
Cute little squirrel.
You aren't the first one of my friends to roar with laughter at what I did. It's very funny now that I'm not so scared that my daughter is going to run out in front of a car anymore.
When I told my frend who has a daughter the same age as my daughter and a son not quite a year younger than her, she also laughed until tears streamed down her face. Her daughter had the same problem as mine and her husband accidentally dislocated her elbow snatching her out of the path of a speeding car.
the sugarbush squirrel has some really funny stuff in the left sidebar.
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/funny-pictures-orange-jabba-cat.jpg)
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(http://bitchwantstea.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/droppedfood.png)
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How to sell things on the internet... (http://pigroll.com/img/disguised_weapons.jpg)
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(http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2011/8/14/5ac9ddb7-8a02-4707-a4b4-756513e59743.jpg)
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TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children...
But you should remember to spay and neuter!
I found this on iVillage on a childfree board.
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Why were you on a childfree board?
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/missteresabrown/jokes/1270844883203-P40.jpg?t=1302079367)
Why does this picture make me cringe?
is it maybe you are substituting the budgie's for ... 'parakeet's'???
Okay, since I'm probably the only one who owns a parakeet/budgie around here, will someone explain the humour?
One of the (apparently more annoying) WP members is called Iamnotaparakeet.
Boo.
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I like reading what they say and boy I never knew how hard their lives were and how they seem to be discriminated at work. People seem to look at them less because they don't have kids. Bosses are less likely to grant them their vacation time or off for the holidays and give them to parents who want off.
But lot of them seem bitter about life of parents and most of them seem to be animal lovers and they way they act about it makes me resent animal lovers but my husband told me not all of them are that extreme. They think things like the animal was there first, they should have had their kid go live with the grandmother instead of the cat or get rid of the child and they look down on people who get rid of their pet after having kids. My parents got rid of their dog when I was a baby because it was too much work and their dog was unhappy so they sold her to a guy who lived out in the country and she was very happy. I suppose they would be bad pet owners just because they sold their dog. They even got rid of their dogs again not too long ago and kept two of them. I got rid of mine because I moved and didn't think it be right to have my parents be stuck with one extra dog to take care of because they already had five dogs. Plus I didn't know how long it be before I could have pets again so I told them they could get rid of her. But I kept my cat at their home until she passed away.
I think child free has become my new special interest. I even found out lot of parents seem to be unhappy about being parents but my husband told me they were the minority. Even child free people lurk on parenting boards and then they go back to their board and bitch about what they've read. I even learned their terms too. They also seem to be too judgmental about parents and jump to assumptions too quickly and have high horses.
While child free people rant about parents calling them breeders, aspies tend to rant about NTs on WP while the NTs rant about their aspies and the condition on ASPartners.
Breeder is a derogatory word for bad parent.
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This is the perfect I2 video.
Des kiwis et des hommes - Bloopers - Geoduck (eng sub) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Zq-5mG51es#ws)
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:thumbup:
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I like reading what they say and boy I never knew how hard their lives were and how they seem to be discriminated at work. People seem to look at them less because they don't have kids. Bosses are less likely to grant them their vacation time or off for the holidays and give them to parents who want off.
But lot of them seem bitter about life of parents and most of them seem to be animal lovers and they way they act about it makes me resent animal lovers but my husband told me not all of them are that extreme. They think things like the animal was there first, they should have had their kid go live with the grandmother instead of the cat or get rid of the child and they look down on people who get rid of their pet after having kids. My parents got rid of their dog when I was a baby because it was too much work and their dog was unhappy so they sold her to a guy who lived out in the country and she was very happy. I suppose they would be bad pet owners just because they sold their dog. They even got rid of their dogs again not too long ago and kept two of them. I got rid of mine because I moved and didn't think it be right to have my parents be stuck with one extra dog to take care of because they already had five dogs. Plus I didn't know how long it be before I could have pets again so I told them they could get rid of her. But I kept my cat at their home until she passed away.
I think child free has become my new special interest. I even found out lot of parents seem to be unhappy about being parents but my husband told me they were the minority. Even child free people lurk on parenting boards and then they go back to their board and bitch about what they've read. I even learned their terms too. They also seem to be too judgmental about parents and jump to assumptions too quickly and have high horses.
While child free people rant about parents calling them breeders, aspies tend to rant about NTs on WP while the NTs rant about their aspies and the condition on ASPartners.
Breeder is a derogatory word for bad parent.
I considered joining a childfree community a few years back because so many people my age are poppin' 'em out and I have no interest, and it does end up causing social drift. I've since found venues where there's a lower percentage of people looking for the marriage-kids-house-picket fence deal. That description makes me doubly happy I never resorted to seeking out other "childfree" people with that as the primary thing I had in common with them; I hadn't considered how likely it would be to pull for whack jobs. I mean, I do bitch about my friends "pairing off and breeding," but I'm using that phraseology jokingly.
Then again, I do genuinely believe far more parents are miserable and lying to themsleves (or at least to other people) about liking having kids because they're stuck with them and it's lie or admit their life sucks and feel depressed about it, but I make that same basic assumption about a lot of human behavior. Dissonance reduction is kinda creepy when you think about it.
-
Yes, Google, that makes perfect sense. This is Google's suggestion for my typo:
Showing results for what sashimi tastes ;kijiji. Search instead for what sashimi tatstes ;keiueje.
-
Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?
The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey :green:
-
(http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm223/skyblue1110/bike.jpg)
-
(http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm223/skyblue1110/motorcycle.jpg)
-
I like reading what they say and boy I never knew how hard their lives were and how they seem to be discriminated at work. People seem to look at them less because they don't have kids. Bosses are less likely to grant them their vacation time or off for the holidays and give them to parents who want off.
But lot of them seem bitter about life of parents and most of them seem to be animal lovers and they way they act about it makes me resent animal lovers but my husband told me not all of them are that extreme. They think things like the animal was there first, they should have had their kid go live with the grandmother instead of the cat or get rid of the child and they look down on people who get rid of their pet after having kids. My parents got rid of their dog when I was a baby because it was too much work and their dog was unhappy so they sold her to a guy who lived out in the country and she was very happy. I suppose they would be bad pet owners just because they sold their dog. They even got rid of their dogs again not too long ago and kept two of them. I got rid of mine because I moved and didn't think it be right to have my parents be stuck with one extra dog to take care of because they already had five dogs. Plus I didn't know how long it be before I could have pets again so I told them they could get rid of her. But I kept my cat at their home until she passed away.
I think child free has become my new special interest. I even found out lot of parents seem to be unhappy about being parents but my husband told me they were the minority. Even child free people lurk on parenting boards and then they go back to their board and bitch about what they've read. I even learned their terms too. They also seem to be too judgmental about parents and jump to assumptions too quickly and have high horses.
While child free people rant about parents calling them breeders, aspies tend to rant about NTs on WP while the NTs rant about their aspies and the condition on ASPartners.
Breeder is a derogatory word for bad parent.
I considered joining a childfree community a few years back because so many people my age are poppin' 'em out and I have no interest, and it does end up causing social drift. I've since found venues where there's a lower percentage of people looking for the marriage-kids-house-picket fence deal. That description makes me doubly happy I never resorted to seeking out other "childfree" people with that as the primary thing I had in common with them; I hadn't considered how likely it would be to pull for whack jobs. I mean, I do bitch about my friends "pairing off and breeding," but I'm using that phraseology jokingly.
Then again, I do genuinely believe far more parents are miserable and lying to themsleves (or at least to other people) about liking having kids because they're stuck with them and it's lie or admit their life sucks and feel depressed about it, but I make that same basic assumption about a lot of human behavior. Dissonance reduction is kinda creepy when you think about it.
I thought you were supposed to make us laugh in this thread, not cry.
-
(http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm223/skyblue1110/motorcycle.jpg)
I hope Dad doesn't know I borrowed the bike.
-
I like reading what they say and boy I never knew how hard their lives were and how they seem to be discriminated at work. People seem to look at them less because they don't have kids. Bosses are less likely to grant them their vacation time or off for the holidays and give them to parents who want off.
But lot of them seem bitter about life of parents and most of them seem to be animal lovers and they way they act about it makes me resent animal lovers but my husband told me not all of them are that extreme. They think things like the animal was there first, they should have had their kid go live with the grandmother instead of the cat or get rid of the child and they look down on people who get rid of their pet after having kids. My parents got rid of their dog when I was a baby because it was too much work and their dog was unhappy so they sold her to a guy who lived out in the country and she was very happy. I suppose they would be bad pet owners just because they sold their dog. They even got rid of their dogs again not too long ago and kept two of them. I got rid of mine because I moved and didn't think it be right to have my parents be stuck with one extra dog to take care of because they already had five dogs. Plus I didn't know how long it be before I could have pets again so I told them they could get rid of her. But I kept my cat at their home until she passed away.
I think child free has become my new special interest. I even found out lot of parents seem to be unhappy about being parents but my husband told me they were the minority. Even child free people lurk on parenting boards and then they go back to their board and bitch about what they've read. I even learned their terms too. They also seem to be too judgmental about parents and jump to assumptions too quickly and have high horses.
While child free people rant about parents calling them breeders, aspies tend to rant about NTs on WP while the NTs rant about their aspies and the condition on ASPartners.
Breeder is a derogatory word for bad parent.
I considered joining a childfree community a few years back because so many people my age are poppin' 'em out and I have no interest, and it does end up causing social drift. I've since found venues where there's a lower percentage of people looking for the marriage-kids-house-picket fence deal. That description makes me doubly happy I never resorted to seeking out other "childfree" people with that as the primary thing I had in common with them; I hadn't considered how likely it would be to pull for whack jobs. I mean, I do bitch about my friends "pairing off and breeding," but I'm using that phraseology jokingly.
Then again, I do genuinely believe far more parents are miserable and lying to themsleves (or at least to other people) about liking having kids because they're stuck with them and it's lie or admit their life sucks and feel depressed about it, but I make that same basic assumption about a lot of human behavior. Dissonance reduction is kinda creepy when you think about it.
I thought you were supposed to make us laugh in this thread, not cry.
Not sure if this is directed me or at us but I posted this because MLA wanted to know why I was on a childfree board. I posted something from there because I thought it was funny.
-
I love this channel on Youtube, hilarious commentary and general fucking around with games. This is one of my favorites.
Façade - Where's my DRINK (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFTwTU7giow#)
I think I posted this before, not sure.
-
I love this channel on Youtube, hilarious commentary and general fucking around with games. This is one of my favorites.
Façade - Where's my DRINK (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFTwTU7giow#)
I think I posted this before, not sure.
Hill-airy-arse
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lol, I'm playing that game right now.
-
lol, I'm playing that game right now.
Say melons, get kicked out straight away. :trollface:
-
the sound of john denver being strangled (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vb0QAeN98Xw#)
Funniest bit of 'life of brian' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krb2OdQksMc#)
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This is what happens when two chatbots talk to each other, it's hilarious. :laugh:
AI vs. AI. Two chatbots talking to each other (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnzlbyTZsQY#ws)
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This is what happens when two chatbots talk to each other, it's hilarious. :laugh:
AI vs. AI. Two chatbots talking to each other (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnzlbyTZsQY#ws)
Sponsored by Alex Plank, of course.
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Bird-brain, on both levels
(http://sofail.com/images/fail/thumb_Bird_Fail.jpg)
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(http://www.funnypicture.in/funnypicture/466_butterfly_with_baby.jpg)
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(http://www.funnypicture.in/funnypicture/466_butterfly_with_baby.jpg)
What's a moth-er to do?
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(http://www.funnypicture.in/funnypicture/466_butterfly_with_baby.jpg)
What's a moth-er to do?
Butterflies' child? :eyebrows:
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Toilet Cleaning Instructions:
1. Put seat and lid of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and 'rinse'.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift the seat and lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
(http://65.55.85.7/att/GetInline.aspx?messageid=2a80d30a-d1e2-11e0-b974-00237de469c2&attindex=0&cp=-1&attdepth=0&imgsrc=cid%3apart1.08040008.09020607%40gmail.com&shared=1&hm__login=leslietextor&hm__domain=hotmail.com&ip=10.13.0.8&d=d5404&mf=2&hm__ts=Thu%2c%2001%20Sep%202011%2000%3a33%3a15%20GMT&st=leslietextor&hm__ha=01_188bdd80e9b31f376297972ff185c07bb8d43c7fec0c83d1d3d43d6901f808a2&oneredir=1)
Sincerely,
(http://65.55.85.7/att/GetInline.aspx?messageid=2a80d30a-d1e2-11e0-b974-00237de469c2&attindex=1&cp=-1&attdepth=1&imgsrc=cid%3apart2.09010100.09070806%40gmail.com&shared=1&hm__login=leslietextor&hm__domain=hotmail.com&ip=10.13.0.8&d=d5404&mf=2&hm__ts=Thu%2c%2001%20Sep%202011%2000%3a33%3a15%20GMT&st=leslietextor&hm__ha=01_2e803ef15cd9728d51c89690637564b04c3870735665b7750f7b71d9f740ff76&oneredir=1)
The Dog
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Check out this book:
(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/417JF37J6JL._SL500_AA300_.jpg)
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This is what happens when two chatbots talk to each other, it's hilarious. :laugh:
AI vs. AI. Two chatbots talking to each other (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnzlbyTZsQY#ws)
Heh, that's Dell for you. :P
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This is what happens when two chatbots talk to each other, it's hilarious. :laugh:
AI vs. AI. Two chatbots talking to each other (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnzlbyTZsQY#ws)
I actually find that rather disturbing and unsettling.
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This is what happens when two chatbots talk to each other, it's hilarious. :laugh:
AI vs. AI. Two chatbots talking to each other (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnzlbyTZsQY#ws)
I actually find that rather disturbing and unsettling.
Gareth and Amy?
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(http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x93/dagu52/Funny%20signs/Motivational/epictits.jpg)
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(http://i883.photobucket.com/albums/ac37/ooohyeaah/Quotes/signs-LOL-PICS-funny-funny-sign-Quotes-Sayings_large_crop-1.jpg)
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WATCHPONIES (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1hETuP33r8#ws)
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Hey, it's been posted before, but what the hey....
Duck Amuck (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cH6i2Z6mTRE#)
and this:
Looney Tunes - Bugs Bunny - Daffy Duck - Duck Dodgers (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUujIMN3m50#)
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(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3117/3413195069_27d454fba0.jpg)
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5 Questions and Answers
Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire and call it a Goodyear.
Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.
Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...
BONUS QUESTION & ANSWER
Q: What is a man's ultimate embarrassment?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.
-
New Drugs For Men
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.
DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask for directions when they got lost compared to a control group where only 0.2 percent asked for directions.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks, especially cleaning up spills and little accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a ! sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit.
NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.
CAPAGRA - Caused test subjects to become uncharacteristically fastidious about lowering toilet seats and replacing toothpaste caps. Subjects on higher doses were seen dusting furniture.
PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into special prosecutors.
LIAGRA - This drug causes men! to be less than truthful when they are asked about their sexu! al affai rs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.
-
GRANDPA AND THE IRS
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up
with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle
and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying
that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own
eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite
my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand,
with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six
thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that
wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully
and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he
agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he
can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side,so he pretty much urinates
all over the auditor
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major
loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hand
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me
he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars
that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy
about it!'
I KEEP TELLING YOU, DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
> If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,
> 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:
>
>
> COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
>
> ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
>
> COSTELLO: Thanks I setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking
> about buying a computer.
>
> ABBOTT: Mac?
>
> COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
>
> ABBOTT: Your computer?
>
> COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
>
> ABBOTT: Mac?
>
> COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
>
> ABBOTT: What about Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
>
> ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: I don know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
>
> ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
>
> COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
>
> ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to
> write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
>
> ABBOTT: Office.
>
> COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
>
> ABBOTT: I just did.
>
> COSTELLO: You just did what?
>
> ABBOTT: Recommend something.
>
> COSTELLO: You recommended something?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes.
>
> COSTELLO: For my office?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes.
>
> COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
>
> ABBOTT: Office.
>
> COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
>
> ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I
> sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
>
> ABBOTT: Word.
>
> COSTELLO: What word?
>
> ABBOTT: Word in Office.
>
> COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
>
> ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
>
> ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
>
> COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you don't start with
> some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have
> anything I can track my money with?
>
> ABBOTT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
>
> ABBOTT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
>
> ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
>
> COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
>
> ABBOTT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
>
> COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
>
> ABBOTT: One copy.
>
> COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
>
> ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
>
> COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
>
> ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
>
> (A few days later)
>
> ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
>
> COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
>
> ABBOTT: Click on 'START'...
-
And here is the original:
Who's on first? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sShMA85pv8M#)
-
We have a massive sculpted monument in the USA, on Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota. It is carved with the likenesses of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln.
(http://www.travelsd.com/getmedia/9bf261af-b54c-478b-abc2-8e08d3169357/PlacesToGo-MountRushmore.aspx?width=362&height=150)
Not everyone gets a chance to see Mt. Rushmore from the Canadian side. Now you have that chance.
(http://sn101w.snt101.mail.live.com/att/GetAttachment.aspx?tnail=1&messageId=d5070723-daa7-11e0-9fcd-002264c17d58&Aux=4|0|8CE3CCBBE23E630||0|0|0|0||&maxwidth=220&maxheight=160&size=Att.)
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Can't see the second pic; it links to a windows live email sign-in screen. Try it again.
-
Can't see the second pic; it links to a windows live email sign-in screen. Try it again.
I did the show picture option in the right mouse click and it worked for me. Try that and let me know.
-
Didn't work. If it's in your email, may have to move it to a photobucket account.
-
Deep Purple's take on Mt Rushmore:
(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41ZV9336W8L.jpg)
And as shown in Superman 2:
(http://drupal.cdm.dsub.net/sites/default/files/imagecache/full_movie_image/movie_image/Superman_2-rushmore_0.gif)
-
:)
We have a massive sculpted monument in the USA, on Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota. It is carved with the likenesses of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln.
(http://www.travelsd.com/getmedia/9bf261af-b54c-478b-abc2-8e08d3169357/PlacesToGo-MountRushmore.aspx?width=362&height=150)
Not everyone gets a chance to see Mt. Rushmore from the Canadian side. Now you have that chance.
(http://www.theweekbehind.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/mt.-rushmore.jpg)
-
:) We have a massive sculpted monument in the USA, on Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota. It is carved with the likenesses of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln.
(http://www.travelsd.com/getmedia/9bf261af-b54c-478b-abc2-8e08d3169357/PlacesToGo-MountRushmore.aspx?width=362&height=150)
Not everyone gets a chance to see Mt. Rushmore from the Canadian side. Now you have that chance.
(http://www.theweekbehind.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/mt.-rushmore.jpg)
Lincoln must have had a bad case of scoliosis.
-
^He was a bit wonky looking.
-
Those Dang 4-Hour Erection Problems
What happens when you ask for help with an erection lasting more than 4 hours?
Earl walked into a drug store in Kentucky and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees. She then asked if she could help him. Earl said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The lady pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with a high level of professionalism.
Earl then agreed and began by saying, 'This is tough for me to discuss, but I get erections every day that last more than four hours. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.'
The pharmacist said, 'Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister.' When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do. 1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup truck, a king size bed and $3,000 a month in living expenses.
-
^ He could have rented it out as a radio aerial for WKRP.
-
^ He could have rented it out as a radio aerial for WKRP.
in Cinncinnati. Now, here's Les Nessman with the news."
-
Does it matter which one I put it in first?
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/epic-fail-photos-prescription-bottle-fail.jpg)
-
Interesting note that the Cream song SWLABR stands for "She Walks Like A Bearded Rainbow".
-
Does it matter which one I put it in first?
(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/epic-fail-photos-prescription-bottle-fail.jpg)
those are just birth control pills. I guess you WOULD need to take one per vagina :P
-
hmm, 8 weeks. why ? Must be taking the hormones for other reasons besides birth control.
-
since im postwroting in here thought I would make you laugh, though you probably dont think this is funny
(http://www.demotivationalposters.org/image/demotivational-poster/0809/yaoi-demotivational-poster-1221512784.jpg)
:angel:
-
Elfen Lied and Iniyasha on a hot steamy Tokyo night.
-
Is that who those guys are ? I really know nothing about anime but I REALLY like Yaoi ( male on male anime porn of really feminine or unrealistically beautiful looking boys, usually made for and by women)
-
Is that who those guys are ? I really know nothing about anime but I REALLY like Yaoi ( male on male anime porn of really feminine or unrealistically beautiful looking boys, usually made for and by women)
They probably aren't, :dunno: . They seem to be the only anime characters I know of.
-
For CBC
Porridge:
Budget conscious parent will tell you that it is a traditional, nutritious, lovingly prepared hot cereal breakfast dish.
Kids will tell you that the name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."
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Is it coincidence that the Americans refer to prison as stir while the Brits refer to it as porridge?
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prison is stir ?
:dunno:
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prison is stir ?
:dunno:
Yes apparently, as mentioned by Bob Dylan in 'Hurricane'.
And also by Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor in:
Stir Crazy 1980 TV trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9e6vetAZB1s#)
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Oh, it must be old then. I dont think people say it anymore :D
AND OMG LOOK AT THIS !
(http://assets.shitbrix.com/hashed_silo_content/silo_content/257/resized/shopping-23631.jpg)
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prison is stir ?
:dunno:
Yes apparently, as mentioned by Bob Dylan in 'Hurricane'.
And also by Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor in:
Stir Crazy 1980 TV trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9e6vetAZB1s#)
This is why you shouldn't trust 30 year old pop culture for your pop cultural references. I'm 35 and have never heard of prison referred to as "stir". According to Wikipedia, the slang term "stir" referring to prison was popular in 1851. The term "stir crazy" is still used today. "It is now used to refer to anyone who becomes restless or anxious from feeling trapped and even somewhat claustrophobic in an environment, usually a confined space, perceived to be more static and unengaging than can any longer continue to hold interest, meaning, and value to and for them."
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Oh, it must be old then. I dont think people say it anymore :D
AND OMG LOOK AT THIS !
(http://assets.shitbrix.com/hashed_silo_content/silo_content/257/resized/shopping-23631.jpg)
Something more than a toddler in a sex shop? :dunno:
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I'm familiar with "stir" and "hoosegow" for jail. But then I (and maybe Odeon) remember black and white films.
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Oh, it must be old then. I dont think people say it anymore :D
AND OMG LOOK AT THIS !
(http://assets.shitbrix.com/hashed_silo_content/silo_content/257/resized/shopping-23631.jpg)
Something more than a toddler in a sex shop? :dunno:
My first thoughts were that the guy was a look-alike for Rupert Grint, then I thought he might be someone Eris fancied.
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Something more than a toddler in a sex shop? :dunno:
lol, no. I thought that that was shocking enough. I dont know why the clerk let her in the store.
then I thought he might be someone Eris fancied.
meh, eww. I like ATTRACTIVE men.
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I'm familiar with "stir" and "hoosegow" for jail. But then I (and maybe Odeon) remember black and white films.
Everyone here either calls jail "county" or "pen" , depending on if they mean jail or prison. Sometimes they also just say "upstate" but that just be a regional thing as the penitentiary is upstate.
I remember my grandmother called it hoosegow :)
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Just remember - not everyone on this board is American, and not everyone here is under 35.
So if we use old terms or terms we've become familiar with, then people just have to wear it.
You hip to that?
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That's one thing I love about this place. I sometimes have to go scrambling to find out what something means or what it is, where is it located, etc. I'm sure that I've gotten more than one member to shake their heads at some of my antiquated ideas and language, but I'm sure I've been entertained by more members than I've entertained.
So whether we spell it gaol or jail, watch football or soccer, drink tea or coffee, we're all intense, weird, and funny.
This post was spell checked.
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Just remember - not everyone on this board is American, and not everyone here is under 35.
So if we use old terms or terms we've become familiar with, then people just have to wear it.
You hip to that?
Is "just have to wear it" one of those terms?
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(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkr6ciUa7T1qe11kdo1_500.jpg)
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(http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lio7nhQtfy1qhrfxlo1_r3_500.jpg)
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(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llx794P1vi1qa839xo1_500.jpg)
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(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llxojwPNGS1qexu5uo1_400.jpg)
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(http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lio7nhQtfy1qhrfxlo1_r3_500.jpg)
:laugh:
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This is so fucking funny, OMG. It is my new favorite video of all time.
"why you kill porky pig and not invite his cousin to the funeral, you bitch ass birds"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrhGReeaAJ4&feature=player_embedded# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrhGReeaAJ4&feature=player_embedded#)!
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This is so fucking funny, OMG. It is my new favorite video of all time.
"why you kill porky pig and not invite his cousin to the funeral, you bitch ass birds"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrhGReeaAJ4&feature=player_embedded# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrhGReeaAJ4&feature=player_embedded#)!
Maybe if he had some coke he could play the game better, because we all know that "flings go better with Coke".
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Single Ladies Gone Wrong (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AN5YbfFszlI#noexternalembed)
:LMAO:
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(http://www.motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/small/0912/sleep-late-early-bird-worm-snake-demotivational-poster-1260545456.jpg)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/funny-pictures-i-waft-flatulence.jpg)
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THE OFFICIAL Sittin On Tha Toilet (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bje_8Y7KUfM#noexternalembed)
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http://www.cracked.com/article_17270_100-unintentionally-hilarious-spam-subject-lines.html?wa_user1=2&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended (http://www.cracked.com/article_17270_100-unintentionally-hilarious-spam-subject-lines.html?wa_user1=2&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended)
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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?' The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s her boobs are like melons, round & firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. ... After 50, they are like onions'. 'Onions?' 'Yes,...... you see them and they make you cry.'
This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?' The mother smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree'. 'A Christmas tree?' 'Yes --- dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.
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Do you fart in bed?
If this story doesnt make you cry for laughing so hard, Let me know and Ill pray for you.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husbands habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning s...he would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldnt stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, She was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then one christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound alseep, She looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound alseep and gently pulling the bed covers back, She pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic foot steps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, Tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey you were right, All these years you have warned me and I didnt listen to you". What do you mean? asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, Some vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in!!!....
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Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I just graduated from the University of Kentucky School of Law and I believe in the power of Justice to intervene on the behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one (you know it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from "University of Louisville" and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in!
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HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llx794P1vi1qa839xo1_500.jpg)
lol, it sums up how bullshit over-interpreting literature can be.
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Stores That Tell You Exactly What They Are (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yDuvCXDx9c#ws)
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(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llx794P1vi1qa839xo1_500.jpg)
lol, it sums up how bullshit over-interpreting literature can be.
As the guy in the room with a degree in literature I have to say that you are arguing one half of an argument as old as literature itself. One half believes that what the author intended to convey is the most important aspect, while the other half believes that literature is a living object and what the current society and individual takes from it is what is important, and what the author meant is pointless and often impossible to determine.
I firmly belong to the latter camp and spent several semesters writing arguments to that end.
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Stores That Tell You Exactly What They Are (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yDuvCXDx9c#ws)
What's funny is that all his pictures are cropped to hide the fact that these places aren't actually as simply named as he wishes they were in his song. :laugh:
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(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llx794P1vi1qa839xo1_500.jpg)
lol, it sums up how bullshit over-interpreting literature can be.
As the guy in the room with a degree in literature I have to say that you are arguing one half of an argument as old as literature itself. One half believes that what the author intended to convey is the most important aspect, while the other half believes that literature is a living object and what the current society and individual takes from it is what is important, and what the author meant is pointless and often impossible to determine.
I firmly belong to the latter camp and spent several semesters writing arguments to that end.
I think literature, as well as art, is organic - it lives anew with each person who discovers it. However, in terms of schooling and such, it's being forced into little boxes by asshole secondary school teachers who blindly follow the syllabus and don't know any better. It's fine if the student interprets literature as he/she wishes but I despise having a pre-formulated response to something, stuffed down my throat.
/rant
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(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llx794P1vi1qa839xo1_500.jpg)
lol, it sums up how bullshit over-interpreting literature can be.
As the guy in the room with a degree in literature I have to say that you are arguing one half of an argument as old as literature itself. One half believes that what the author intended to convey is the most important aspect, while the other half believes that literature is a living object and what the current society and individual takes from it is what is important, and what the author meant is pointless and often impossible to determine.
I firmly belong to the latter camp and spent several semesters writing arguments to that end.
I think literature, as well as art, is organic - it lives anew with each person who discovers it. However, in terms of schooling and such, it's being forced into little boxes by asshole secondary school teachers who blindly follow the syllabus and don't know any better. It's fine if the student interprets literature as he/she wishes but I despise having a pre-formulated response to something, stuffed down my throat.
/rant
Agreed. Most high school teachers fuck it up.
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(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llx794P1vi1qa839xo1_500.jpg)
lol, it sums up how bullshit over-interpreting literature can be.
As the guy in the room with a degree in literature I have to say that you are arguing one half of an argument as old as literature itself. One half believes that what the author intended to convey is the most important aspect, while the other half believes that literature is a living object and what the current society and individual takes from it is what is important, and what the author meant is pointless and often impossible to determine.
I firmly belong to the latter camp and spent several semesters writing arguments to that end.
I think literature, as well as art, is organic - it lives anew with each person who discovers it. However, in terms of schooling and such, it's being forced into little boxes by asshole secondary school teachers who blindly follow the syllabus and don't know any better. It's fine if the student interprets literature as he/she wishes but I despise having a pre-formulated response to something, stuffed down my throat.
/rant
I guess that's what my real objection is. Not so much on how it's over interpreted, but rather this feeling of 'regulation' on what constitute a proper interpretation. I mean if you want a proper interpretation, ask the author (because they wrote it), otherwise it's open to imagination by the reader exclusively and relative to interpretation. I see what you guys are getting at, a piece of literature can stand on it's own as it's own entity.
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/d23dae74-75a2-4ceb-b9ca-0dd7a68786c8.jpg)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/funny-pictures-oh-like-you-trying-to-squeeze-your-fat-ass-into-a-leopard-print-thong-is-any-different.jpg)
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I was standing next to the compter desk where my cat was sitting. I bent over to pick something up, and she smacked me in the ass ! :D
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I was standing next to the compter desk where my cat was sitting. I bent over to pick something up, and she smacked me in the ass ! :D
I hope that was a typo and you meant "on the ass" :-\
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/epGKGd8FepsxckxbyPLwjKpoo1_500.jpg)
(http://s3-ak.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/web05/2011/5/4/22/humanity-fails-again-1654-1304562186-12.jpg)
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I was standing next to the compter desk where my cat was sitting. I bent over to pick something up, and she smacked me in the ass ! :D
And you let the cat get away with it, too. Damn, that cat must be good.
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Made me smile:
(http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpfm18Erb71qk47zco1_500.jpg)
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Made me smile:
(http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpfm18Erb71qk47zco1_500.jpg)
As a highly involved father, I am constantly pissed off at how everything about kids is marketed to "Moms".
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http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/20-ways-to-scare-your-crush-away/ (http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/20-ways-to-scare-your-crush-away/)
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http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/20-ways-to-scare-your-crush-away/ (http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/20-ways-to-scare-your-crush-away/)
Wait.
11) Quickly attempt to form a psychologist/ patient dynamic with your crush by almost demanding she reveal intimate details about her past. Proceed to interpret each of these details and dole out unsolicited advice and general life lessons. Transition from this conversation to a drawn-out diatribe about your own experience with personal growth (parts of which you’ve already spoken of, at medium-length), life obstacles, and love lost in which, at the end, you paint yourself as the sage-like victor who has most — if not all — of ‘it’ figured out.
That's how I landed my wife :zoinks:
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http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/20-ways-to-scare-your-crush-away/ (http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/20-ways-to-scare-your-crush-away/)
Wait.
11) Quickly attempt to form a psychologist/ patient dynamic with your crush by almost demanding she reveal intimate details about her past. Proceed to interpret each of these details and dole out unsolicited advice and general life lessons. Transition from this conversation to a drawn-out diatribe about your own experience with personal growth (parts of which you’ve already spoken of, at medium-length), life obstacles, and love lost in which, at the end, you paint yourself as the sage-like victor who has most — if not all — of ‘it’ figured out.
That's how I landed my wife :zoinks:
Crazies usually attract other crazies :zoinks:
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Victorian Sex Ed
(http://chzjustcapshunz.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/funny-captions-safe-sex.jpg)
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Resume bloopers (and yes I know there is an accent on the second e in resume, but my keyboard doesn't have it.)
Cover Notes Gone Awry
• One cover note meant to apologize for any inconvenience, but instead they said "Sorry for any incontinence." Oh, yes, I bet you are.
•Another said "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook." Well, OK, if you insist.
It's Not Hard to Read Between the Lines
•The person who boasted "I am loyal to my employer at all costs," and then closed their note with "Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail" must not understand the meaning of loyalty.
•"Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job." I recognize that there could be totally legitimate reasons for so many jobs, like ongoing consulting work, but this sentence just screams "I got fired! Over and over!" doesn't it?
•"I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience." Do you now? Well, if you'd like a salary commensurate with your ability to choose the right word, you won't be making much, and I'm sure there are plenty of people who would commiserate with you about that.
•"I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet programs." Oh my. Some of my favorite people are terrible spellers but you can't market your computer skills if you can't spell computer. I don't even know what to say about lurnt.
•"Criminal record: I have no felonies." Ah, good, then that just leaves the misdemeanors then, right?
Somehow Your Education Doesn't Impress Me
•"I am most proudest of my 3.93 GPA and organize skills." I'd love to see what school that degree came from.
•"Completed 11 years of high school." Which makes you the oldest high school student on the planet.
•"Graduated from Havrad University with a Masters Degree." One thing I know about Ivy League people is that they know how to spell the name of their school. And their degree.
•"Graduated in the top 70% of my class." This is the kind of information where your mom's rule applies: If you can't say anything nice (or impressive in this case), then don't say anything at all.
Are you sure that's something to be proud of?
•Then there was the executive who"Led the Day-to-Day Execution of 450 People and all Their Associated Work." I would think we would have read about this in the news.
•Sometimes a single letter can change the whole meaning of a sentence. "Instrumental for ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store." If that were true, I don't think you'd be bragging about it.
•Another in the same vein was "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions." Actually, there are probably a few financial wheeler-dealer criminal types who might be able to say that, but I'm pretty sure they'd never admit it.
•"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year." OK, I've gotten some great sales awards in my career, but the plague? No thanks.
•"Very experienced with out-house computers." I am still not certain what this person meant but I am pretty sure that anyone who has an outhouse probably doesn't care much about putting a computer in it.
•"Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget." Here's a hint: employers like if you come in under budget.
I'm not sure you understand the meaning of the word.
•"Bi-lingual in three languages." I wonder if they also ride a bicycle with three wheels.
•"Detale-Oriented." Except when it comes to spelling.
•"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details." No never never, not me me.
I can't tell If this is too much information or too little.
•"Hobbies: Enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians." I'm wondering if they taste different.
•"Hobbies: Hearing songs." At least they didn't say "hearing voices."
•"Personal Interests: Donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far." Giving blood is a good thing. Keeping count and calling it a personal interest is creepy.
My friend Lise manages a big medical services center, and over the years she has shared some of the funniest resume bloopers she's seen from job applicants:
•One applicant, who had previously been a Certified Nurses' Aide described her job duties as: "Dispensed medication and passed out." Hmmm, not quite the kind of work ethic they were looking for.
•When Lise was hiring a part-time childcare worker for one of their programs, one person skipped the resume entirely and sent a one-line note that said: "Will I be forced to change diapers?"
•Another person sent her resume with an email signature that had a link to her MySpace page, which was wallpapered with repeated photos of joints (the smokable kind, not the creaky-knee kind).
•And then there was the person who didn't want to bother to type out her whole title, so she abbreviated it. Unfortunately, she didn't know the proper abbreviation of Assistant is Asst., and so her resume said she was the Ass. Manager. As Lise said, don't assign yourself that title unless you mean it.
Lots of people include inappropriate information, like one I saw this week who had put "Married father of five" on his resume, right next to his date of birth. I have nothing against mature married parents, but I can't select a candidate who doesn't know what's appropriate in business.
Some personal information can be helpful, but the wrong kind in the wrong way will backfire. CareerBuilder compiled a list of 12 Odd Resume Inclusions that has some truly what-were-they-thinking bloopers.
•Three of the twelve were about bizarre attachments; one candidate attached a letter from her mother, another included their family medical history, and a woman included a photo of herself in a cheerleading uniform.
•One applicant explained his three-month unemployment period by saying he was getting over the death of his cat.
•And then there was the job seeker who admitted being arrested in his application, but tried to make it OK by saying. "We stole a pig, but it was a really small pig." All righty, then.
Typos can create missteps that change everything. One recruiter posted at The HR Recruiting Alert about getting a resume that seemed to leave an all-important letter "f" out of the word "shift" which makes a big difference if your job title was Shift Supervisor. Oops.
I got some real belly laughs from Empire College's list, which included these gems:
•Objective: Seeking a party-time position with room for advancement
•Achievement: Planned new corporate facility at $3M over budget
•Skills: I am a rabid typist
•Language Skills: Exposure to German for two years but many words are inappropriate for business
And a cover note that I love because I've had people say this, in one way or another, more times than I can count:
•Please disregard the attached resume; it's totally outdated.
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I can has spasketti?
(http://www.puppypoopy.com/fb10.jpg)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/funny-pictures-shut-the-door-please.jpg)
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsjxereYoW1qbro7to1_400.png)
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How to Pronounce Ke$ha (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RalZ-nvS9Xo#ws)
This guy has some amusing videos.
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Welcome back.
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That's a real person? I thought it was Butterflies :dunno:
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No way. That's buttcoffee.
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/funny-pictures-thus-ended-daves-brief-but-eventful-run-for-congress.jpg)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/funny-pictures-thus-ended-daves-brief-but-eventful-run-for-congress.jpg)
I would still vote for Dave
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For the newer members here, I'm 62, 4'11' inches and quite stout. I am a poll commissioner for the local elections (not erections, get your mind out of your pants.)
One of the waitresses at our local diner asked, "Are you working the polls Saturday?"
The other waitress stopped dead in her tracks, turned, looked at me in confusion and said, "You're a pole dancer?"
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(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqtp54Aa9Y1qhqyogo1_250.gif)
(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqtp54Aa9Y1qhqyogo2_250.gif)
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqtp54Aa9Y1qhqyogo3_r1_250.gif)
(http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqtp54Aa9Y1qhqyogo4_r1_250.gif)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lt2vswh5x31qgnx3ko1_500.png)
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(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/300904_10150410564311979_576916978_9847963_2100923023_n.jpg)
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(http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lt860f4SQq1qd66yno1_500.jpg)
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(http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lt87wsJBLl1r3k73wo1_400.jpg)
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(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsdijp8T541qjnhqgo1_500.png)
TRUTH.
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(http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrwcuh9h1o1r2xtpco1_500.jpg)
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TRUTH.
Agreed.
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(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lphcarNZk11qcbjjmo1_500.jpg)
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Happy kitty.
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(http://i.imgur.com/UmyNO.jpg)
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Talking to this kid online and he just asked me if Pittsburgh was a state.
He is from the US
:D
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Indian Wanting Coffee:
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter:
"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.....
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
Causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
Another male buffalo with the other
He walks up to the counter and says to
The waiter:
"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says,
"Training for position in United States Congress.
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up,
Disappear for rest of day."
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(http://i.imgur.com/UmyNO.jpg)
Those Canucks are a shifty bunch. :hide:
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[ORIGINAL] Parrot Sings Let the Bodies Hit the Floor (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uguXNL93fWg#)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmti1zrVcc1qd5b6mo1_500.jpg)
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm6jg2xqSg1qa2dk3o1_500.jpg)
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm2u63jpf41qaodr1o1_500.jpg)
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Now that is funny!
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(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljy7jkFmfh1qctmezo1_400.jpg)
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm6jg2xqSg1qa2dk3o1_500.jpg)
I hope that got DCF called. O_o
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(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsdijp8T541qjnhqgo1_500.png)
TRUTH.
:agreed:
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Pictures taken of people going through a Haunted House here in Ontario. The whole house is pitch black but at this part the lights flash for the camera and they see images of ghosts in a car. Apparently it's known as one of the scariest Haunted Houses in the country. Images are hilarious.
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/photos/people-scared-at-cdn-haunted-house-1319063753-slideshow/people-scared-at-nightmares-fear-factory-in-niagara-falls-canada-photo-1319069255.html (http://ca.news.yahoo.com/photos/people-scared-at-cdn-haunted-house-1319063753-slideshow/people-scared-at-nightmares-fear-factory-in-niagara-falls-canada-photo-1319069255.html)
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Pictures taken of people going through a Haunted House here in Ontario. The whole house is pitch black but at this part the lights flash for the camera and they see images of ghosts in a car. Apparently it's known as one of the scariest Haunted Houses in the country. Images are hilarious.
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/photos/people-scared-at-cdn-haunted-house-1319063753-slideshow/people-scared-at-nightmares-fear-factory-in-niagara-falls-canada-photo-1319069255.html (http://ca.news.yahoo.com/photos/people-scared-at-cdn-haunted-house-1319063753-slideshow/people-scared-at-nightmares-fear-factory-in-niagara-falls-canada-photo-1319069255.html)
:lol:
I don't understand why people scream when they are scared.
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(http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/funny-puns-nailed-it.jpg)
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(http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/funny-puns-nailed-it.jpg)
:lol:
That's why I hide my head, when sleeping. Sirius is a bit drawn to try that.........
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EBM is gonna kill me but this is too good not to share :green: He read my posting about my Mum being rushed to hospital and texted me about it:
EBM: Are you holding up okay?
Me: I don't think it's really registered. Just waiting to see how it plays out.
EBM: I hope she's gay
EBM: Goddammit! I hope she's OKAY
Me: Bwahaha...that's a damn you auto correct moment right there!!!
Then later we were talking about my divorce:
EBM: How much does a mediator cost?
Me: I think he was $500/hr
EBM: HOLY SHIT! I'm going to be a murderer
Me: Really? Thanks for the heads up *ducks and runs*
EBM: MEDIATOR, goddammit
:lol:
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EBM is gonna kill me but this is too good not to share :green: He read my posting about my Mum being rushed to hospital and texted me about it:
EBM: Are you holding up okay?
Me: I don't think it's really registered. Just waiting to see how it plays out.
EBM: I hope she's gay
EBM: Goddammit! I hope she's OKAY
Me: Bwahaha...that's a damn you auto correct moment right there!!!
Then later we were talking about my divorce:
EBM: How much does a mediator cost?
Me: I think he was $500/hr
EBM: HOLY SHIT! I'm going to be a murderer
Me: Really? Thanks for the heads up *ducks and runs*
EBM: MEDIATOR, goddammit
:lol:
:smarty:
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsf4vrCFsB1qficzto1_500.jpg)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/funny-pictures-i-too-like-to-admire-my-own-feet-from-time-to-time.jpg)
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(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/funny-pictures-im-not-here-they-will-never-find-me-ever.jpg)
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/funny-pictures-fool-him-twice-oh-i-think-not.jpg)
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A guy goes into a costume shop. He says, "I'm going to a Halloween costume party, and I want to go as Adam."
The girl brings out a fig leaf.
But he says, "Not big enough!"
So she brings out a bigger one.
"Still not big enough!"
So she brings out a HUGE fig leaf.
"Still not big enough!" he proudly tells her.
So she says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"
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An extremely modest woman was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left her bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, she decided the latest episode was yet another false alarm.
She suddenly filled her bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond her ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure she jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
An elderly man was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the man stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
The old man, still staring down replied:
"I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost."
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There's this man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.
A few days later, he receives a parcel with a note: "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head, and with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate."
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a rude letter of complaint.
A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says: "Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and with your bald head, you will really look the part."
Now the man is really annoyed, since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, and he writes the company a REALLY rude letter of complaint.
The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads; "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a jar of caramel. Pour the jar of caramel over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a candied apple!"
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this cracked me up http://animalvideos.yahoo.com/video-detail?vid=27095138&cid=24037714 (http://animalvideos.yahoo.com/video-detail?vid=27095138&cid=24037714)
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:bounce:
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There's a tutorial for everything. :LOL:
How To Go F**k Yourself (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jWXwpFFNSM#)
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(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnxhi096L91qbeyxxo1_500.jpg)
“Look, Simba. Everything the light touches is our kingdom.” -Mufasa
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(http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/298895_196695407071176_126894987384552_444286_1142050096_n.jpg)
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http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-pieces-relationship-advice-movies-need-to-stop-giving/ (http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-pieces-relationship-advice-movies-need-to-stop-giving/)
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http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-pieces-relationship-advice-movies-need-to-stop-giving/ (http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-pieces-relationship-advice-movies-need-to-stop-giving/)
I think that was less funny than it was correct. :P
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It amused me how accurate it was :P
(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsjk3a9C6z1r42qhmo1_500.jpg)
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(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ls88zlJyyP1r2xvsro1_500.gif)
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kvvsycazM11qz7x7zo1_500.jpg)
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Part of your world (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dygpGQexTo#)
I am far too easily amused lately.
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Also, that's exactly how I sing the Little Mermaid song while I'm in the shower :zoinks:
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(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu1xa4dgNX1r1vzzeo1_500.png)
TRUTH SQUARED.
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(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu2ggbPCfc1qaodr1o1_400.png)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu2gsrnnUV1qaodr1o1_500.png)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu2gs2i7ft1qaodr1o1_500.jpg)
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqm9bhGSg61qls8klo1_500.jpg)
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(http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu1z0wtbBI1r1vzzeo1_500.jpg)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu2gs2i7ft1qaodr1o1_500.jpg)
* Snort *
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(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/196006_117614651646531_100001939892253_135729_4909834_n.jpg)
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"Bullshitting a topic I know nothing about. Think I'm going to fail..." Heheh, that is what I am doing right now.
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YouTube Challenge - I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YQpbzQ6gzs#ws)
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(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltu3t8SYmp1qfjjglo1_400.gif)
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:laugh:
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SIRI THINKS I'M CHEATING ON HER!!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4la5RrZmF0Q#ws)
Siri meets Siri (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBRXA8zmJr8#ws)
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(http://www.nextmovie.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Black-Cat-500.jpg)
(http://www.nextmovie.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Single-White-Feline-500.jpg)
(http://www.nextmovie.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/The-Pawfessional-2-500.jpg)
(http://www.nextmovie.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/GoodFelines-500.jpg)
(http://www.nextmovie.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Reservoir-Cats-2-500.jpg)
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(http://www.eatliver.com/img/2009/4519.jpg)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu9gjs7XAS1r1vzzeo1_500.jpg)
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Homemade Implants - Frances Dilorinzo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MjtpC-iIXQ#ws)
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A commercial currently showing on tv. Still find it funny after several watches.
Windex Commercial (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqKS-hkhhh4#)
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(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/300699_196537527087010_140860252654738_449473_433993657_n.jpg)
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(http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson4.jpg)
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(http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson7.jpg)
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(http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson14.jpg)
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^Haha, that site is good. :D
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(http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/300394_2135248827684_1439991670_31758196_181130746_n.jpg)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsu9gwtB3Z1qe3frjo1_500.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/funny-facebook-fails-so-close.jpg)
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/epic-fail-learn-from-my-fail-no-business-steamy-please.png?w=500&h=110)
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(http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s320x320/383171_267683449944453_236124369767028_830920_1355066474_n.jpg)
(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lud0fzMrTS1qzhlmdo1_500.jpg)
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(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lud1wqlFqy1qbj52ro1_250.gif)
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(http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltkcxd11UV1qco16mo1_400.jpg)
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(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s720x720/313601_318526738164684_112549038762456_1551729_708915248_n.jpg)
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(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_luf5kh7vuA1r1vzzeo1_500.jpg)
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(http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_luhbtudCao1qj26eao1_500.jpg)
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(http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lukdh2jRNo1qgdxgr.png)
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http://www.youtube.com/user/simonscat (http://www.youtube.com/user/simonscat)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_luj2aatQ6k1qfoi1no1_500.png)
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Rowan Atkinson is Doctor Who - Classic Comic Relief (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do-wDPoC6GM#ws)
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Funny Cat- Reaction to Cat Nip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjPmx-LPx-I#)
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dog thinks baby is a dog (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfG0FSRPAII#)
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The Big Lebowski Fucking Short Version (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXT0gOk1Ogw#)
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I had a dream last night that I was the winning bidder on something called a “cat phone.” I was excited because who wouldn’t want a phone shaped like a cat? When it arrived, I discovered that it was a live cat with a phone taped to its head. People would call the cat when they wanted to reach me, and the cat was supposed to relay the messages. But it was a cat, and it couldn’t speak English, so I never received any of my messages.
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/303870_264905506893996_136450789739469_846410_8949287_n.jpg)
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http://www.booksofadam.com/ (http://www.booksofadam.com/)
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/ (http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/)
:thumbup:
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(http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lp9w2xZtQ61qc2qe5o1_500.jpg)
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Howard Stern on Kathy Lee Autistic kid (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qty2-KnC8W0#)
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Mmmm bacon
(http://fastcache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/39/2011/11/e00a54f93d2779c76ab047d8c122d10e.jpg)
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funny cat accident (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCrErPjTtx0#)
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Yeah, it's a somewhat older clip but hey, it makes me laugh..
FunnyFuse Faves: Laughing Quadruplet Babies! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBay1HrK8WU#)
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They should make more of these:
Asperger's High - Coming This Fall on the CW! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFt2aZvg3qE#ws)
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:LMAO: :plus:
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http://youtu.be/RGhUb3Ryu28 (http://youtu.be/RGhUb3Ryu28)
What a name. :lolwat:
I like how the host couldn't contain himself.
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The Chase game show Chocolate Salty Balls question (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6uSS4wBO8E#ws)
^twas linked from Crip's link
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_luzvp1PIef1qjj52jo1_500.png)
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_luzvp1PIef1qjj52jo1_500.png)
i would be the one furthest to the right.
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http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/11/beware-peruvian-mayor-warns-tap-water-causes-homosexuality/ (http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/11/beware-peruvian-mayor-warns-tap-water-causes-homosexuality/)
:toporly:
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annoying dog (надоедливая псина) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCDtBE6-j-E#)
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.
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annoying dog (надоедливая псина) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCDtBE6-j-E#)
Good L_rd. Will someone catch that thing and take it's battery out?
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(http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv32vkp3WT1qaodr1o1_500.png)
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(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv14gwBeq81r1vzzeo1_500.jpg)
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(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lus9d3BTOv1qkw3neo1_500.jpg)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lurgz7bZ1h1qzpwi0o1_500.png)
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That's how Tazzycat would probably react to a new kitten:
Simon's Cat in 'Double Trouble' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VLcLH97eRw#ws)
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(http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lurgz7bZ1h1qzpwi0o1_500.png)
SO TRUE
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what they taught me was that social anxiety sucks massive horse penis
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what they taught me was that social anxiety sucks massive horse penis
Social anxiety is an equine show?
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(http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/photos/images/newsfeed/000/204/119/eighteenspikes.jpg?1321924008)
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^ :D
And I could give so many of those car parking cards out. Especially at the train station.
(http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/377944_196442353763148_126894987384552_443160_712844983_n.jpg)
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what they taught me was that social anxiety sucks massive horse penis
Does it swallow?? :dunno:
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An old thread I know, but I keep seeing funny stuff and thinking I should post that on Intensity- I forgot about this thread till today.
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/keighleymd/255488081_2366992536_o.jpg)
PI was really doing some necro-posting here. ::) :laugh:
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:thumbup:
anybody for a tapdancing penis and vagina?
(http://www.costumes.org/shows/lysistrata/photos/8/8003.jpg)
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:LMAO:
I've got to get some of these.
(http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=985.0;attach=1245;image)
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:rofl:
There must be some benefit to surfing the web for hours everyday. ::)
YouTube link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc)
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(http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/305710_10150318764072606_189882407605_8335038_1953670124_n.jpg)
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(http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/382757_112584802190025_100003155186260_70040_1808712765_n.jpg)
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(http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/377944_196442353763148_126894987384552_443160_712844983_n.jpg)
Well that will teach people not to end their long, meaningful texts with a yes/no question. :P
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Well that will teach people not to end their long, meaningful texts with a yes/no question. :P
:lol:
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(http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvcibg8N7A1qa0uujo1_500.gif)
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lol Fenton the labrador with the deer in london
JESUS CHRIST IN RICHMOND PARK: ORIGINAL UPLOAD (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GRSbr0EYYU#)
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Denver, The Very Guilty Dog (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4haYuxFgDeM#ws)
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^ :lol: Was made funnier by that music in the background.
Fenton chasing the deer was funny too, you can hear the guy filming starting to laugh right near the end.
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JESUS CHRIST IN RICHMOND PARK: ORIGINAL UPLOAD (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GRSbr0EYYU#)
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does mine not show up in my post?
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The Weather Penis (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djItGln6IxY#)
...and Friday and Saturday we gotta a big dick coming your way
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^I saw it. :dunno:
(http://iwsmt.smellmybacon.com/November-19-2011-23-56-13-tumblrlurlk60cyX1qhi3dk.jpg)
(http://iwsmt.smellmybacon.com/November-07-2011-04-16-36-tumblrlu7ln1iWXl1r5c792.jpeg)
(http://iwsmt.smellmybacon.com/November-06-2011-22-07-52-495595700bv1.jpg)
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(http://iwsmt.smellmybacon.com/November-08-2011-17-51-22-introvertvsextrovert.jpg)
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My computer evidently won't show pics from smellmybacon. Yes, tried the click the mouse and show picture. Ah, well.
-
The Weather Penis (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djItGln6IxY#)
...and Friday and Saturday we gotta a big dick coming your way
I'm well north, the weather penis will miss this area. Am hoping for a vagina storm though. :zoinks:
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http://www.fmylife.com/intimacy/18417580 (http://www.fmylife.com/intimacy/18417580) Holy shit I may have a half-sibling
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My computer evidently won't show pics from smellmybacon. Yes, tried the click the mouse and show picture. Ah, well.
Right click the mouse and then click on Properties. Then you can copy and paste the website address in your browser window.
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My computer evidently won't show pics from smellmybacon. Yes, tried the click the mouse and show picture. Ah, well.
Right click the mouse and then click on Properties. Then you can copy and paste the website address in your browser window.
Thanks
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(http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s320x320/386584_214013222006061_126894987384552_488987_402991152_n.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/funny-facebook-fails-himself.png)
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(http://static.regretsy.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/wtf_wolf.jpg)
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^That is just bizarre.
(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_piXE8lFEABo/TSkJXlnidhI/AAAAAAAABFQ/bq87RxlBNdI/s1600/archenemies.jpg)
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How To Wrap A Cat For Christmas (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jm3dm5J5r0A#ws)
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(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q131/parts67/This-is-what-movie-heroes-looked-like-when-I-grew-up.jpg)
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(http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/5/3/6/105536.jpg?v=1)
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The RETURN Of The Angriest Guitar Player In The World!!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vms_6_TSQuc#) :autism:
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/epic-win-photos-win-hacked-irl-im-going-to-wash-my-hands-now.jpg)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Dj6kcpys_Tg# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Dj6kcpys_Tg#)!
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/funny-facebook-fails-how-would-you-change-the-world.png)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/funny-facebook-fails-dont-fk-with-your-cab-driver1.jpg)
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(http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/job-fails-in-this-economy-you-need-to-be-creative-if-you-want-a-job-flipping-burgers.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/funny-facebook-fails-but-it-melted-and-got-all-over-everything2.png)
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(http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw3lqxBWp11r0wqrdo1_500.jpg)
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The RETURN Of The Angriest Guitar Player In The World!!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vms_6_TSQuc#) :autism:
TCO?
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:celebrate: Yeah, the thought crossed my mind watching the clip.
-
:autism:
Stephen Fry Watches Rare Bird Hump Zoologist (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A7uFSbRJ5w#ws)
(yet hilarious, bizarre, real, fascinating.. )
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Dj6kcpys_Tg# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Dj6kcpys_Tg#)!
Nice legs. :laugh:
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:autism:
Stephen Fry Watches Rare Bird Hump Zoologist (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A7uFSbRJ5w#ws)
(yet hilarious, bizarre, real, fascinating.. )
:LMAO:
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(http://img607.imageshack.us/img607/1057/tumblrltr78v6x041qctkcl.jpg)
(http://img23.imageshack.us/img23/5819/37642628510512153561923.jpg)
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(http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/9203/tumblrltkxo2nrp81qctkcl.jpg)
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This should offend me as a parent but it doesn't. I got this from Bratfree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas
While shopping I did see…
Twelve hummers revving
Eleven diapers stinking
Ten louts-a-stealing
Nine breeders bouncing
Eight moms-a-milking
Seven snots-a-squealing
Six teats displaying
Five teething rings
Four screaming turds
Three fat heads
Two gurgling blobs
And a brat tearing down the Christmas tree
Merry Christmas!!!!
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Where's a cop when you need one?
http://youtu.be/_NUG6YPp2uI (http://youtu.be/_NUG6YPp2uI)
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A few Christmas Carols…….
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ....
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^My friend sent me that via text - that Jingle Bells part was very long...
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(http://iwsmt.smellmybacon.com/November-10-2011-20-23-49-N32NH.gif)
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An oldie but goody:
1. The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians;
2. The French eat lots of fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians;
3. The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians;
4. The French (and Italians) drink excessive amounts of red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians.
Conclusion: Eat and drink whatever you like, and in any quantities; it’s speaking English that kills you.
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Full Metal Disney (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3woEDTUbDYg#noexternalembed)
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...
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Wanna know what I thought was funny?
A smiley that was a poop rign with circling flies.
And a pooping beAr shitting and reading the newspaper in the forest.
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/funny-facebook-fails-women.png)
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A Brief History of Computing Platforms (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h-C6u4yLj4#ws)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/funny-facebook-fails-first-day-of-class-win.jpg)
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This must have been posted here before but I love this commercial:
Funniest Commercial In History (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yXthdWtU-A#ws)
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(http://img844.imageshack.us/img844/9867/40892135917445411201420.jpg)
(http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/646/39790335617538107858820.jpg)
(http://img259.imageshack.us/img259/7084/38593435188224150790220.jpg)
(http://img341.imageshack.us/img341/9601/40134234872597849019520.jpg)
(http://img440.imageshack.us/img440/9884/37528234662104536735520.jpg)
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(http://img813.imageshack.us/img813/2063/40580934585512877728020.jpg)
(http://img268.imageshack.us/img268/5595/39474034552304214382220.jpg)
(http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/6144/38370634502053886073914.jpg)
(http://img713.imageshack.us/img713/1795/38328834483442221268420.jpg)
(http://img853.imageshack.us/img853/8351/37544634436337892645520.jpg)
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(http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/647/38875934416016228011020.jpg)
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(http://img594.imageshack.us/img594/5139/39860033322215670724420.jpg)
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(http://img839.imageshack.us/img839/8060/38295633256067010672620.jpg)
(http://img85.imageshack.us/img85/2406/37484633131266023152720.jpg)
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(http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/2757/39579536046096398336320.jpg)
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(http://img440.imageshack.us/img440/9523/37986433097320026547320.jpg)
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(http://img560.imageshack.us/img560/3231/40116710151217128890192.jpg)
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(http://img9.imageshack.us/img9/3226/38118930412644961681520.jpg)
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(http://img802.imageshack.us/img802/9281/38925730788273590785320.jpg)
(http://img141.imageshack.us/img141/5079/37793130517841951161820.jpg)
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(http://img195.imageshack.us/img195/1885/39328131271635209115820.jpg)
(http://img210.imageshack.us/img210/6456/37606231032932232986120.jpg)
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(http://img862.imageshack.us/img862/3528/39001332018768467735820.jpg)
(http://img820.imageshack.us/img820/2506/38792932003931802552820.jpg)
(http://img29.imageshack.us/img29/509/37749331873254482287220.jpg)
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(http://img810.imageshack.us/img810/7798/38299332483465421266120.jpg)
(http://img163.imageshack.us/img163/2100/38887132370488099230520.jpg)
(http://img338.imageshack.us/img338/7219/37544732111225458490120.jpg)
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(http://img441.imageshack.us/img441/6298/37697632930503709895620.jpg)
(http://img831.imageshack.us/img831/3686/38003532782296391383020.jpg)
(http://img254.imageshack.us/img254/3373/37490432758599060419420.jpg)
(http://img831.imageshack.us/img831/6308/37978532707405398872120.jpg)
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(http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/34199278390159283_GD9hLkB3_b.jpg)
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What comes after M and T on the calendar?
WTF
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Movie Middle Fingers (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPCiW2xFKf4#ws)
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Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He then addressed the men. “Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?”
Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?”
And thus began Frank's life of celibacy...
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(http://chzdailywhat.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/5ac9ad05-bfe2-4061-8d6e-16793f2d1da8.jpg)
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/funny-graphs-i-swear-to-god-if-you-dont-shut-up-about-the-non-existence-of-god.jpg)
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(http://hackedirl.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/epic-win-photos-license-plate-win.jpg)
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(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/funny-graphs-webmd-flow-chart.jpg)
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(http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/9992430393042855_1PNOPHwI_b.jpg)
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Here's a chick you can really drool over.
(http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/37295503134028831_IbtRPekQ_b.jpg)
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(http://)
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k
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jkhytffrh :bounce:
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...
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OH GOD LOLS!!
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(http://www.bugcomic.com/comics/2012-02-06-Courtship-Consul.png)
The website (http://www.bugcomic.com/comics/courtship-consultation/)
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(http://www.spaceavalanche.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/dog.jpg)
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(http://www.spaceavalanche.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/batmanandrobin_english_onblack.jpg)
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(http://www.spaceavalanche.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/dog.jpg)
I don't get it. :(
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(http://www.spaceavalanche.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/dog.jpg)
I don't get it. :(
I will have to roll you on your back and feel you up sometime...(I did not just type that did I?)
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(http://www.spaceavalanche.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/dog.jpg)
I don't get it. :(
I will have to roll you on your back and feel you up sometime...(I did not just type that did I?)
And, that would make me understand why the dog went to the police?
* sad to be belly rubbed like a dog *
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The dog was violated, or felt violated, by the kids. Thus went to the police to report them for sexual assault?
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The dog was violated, or felt violated, by the kids. Thus went to the police to report them for sexual assault?
I missed the facial expression in the third frame.
And kept wondering who had gone missing in the fourth frame, distracted by one of the flyers on the wall, I guess. :blonde:
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:asthing: :autism:
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(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/fashion-fail-poorly-dressed-what-lies-within.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/funny-facebook-fails-the-back-door.png)
This can't possibly be real. O_o
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(http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/funny-puns-god-hates-figs.jpg)
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Follow the TV Reference - pleated-jeans.com (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3KF5UpKESk#ws)
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This strikes me as a very "intensity" kind of infograph:
(http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/funny-graphs-the-scoop-on-poop.jpg)
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(http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/job-fails-and-then-they-had-little-baby-planes-and-lived-happily-every-after.jpg)
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Even the atheists here will pray to G_d that he's not your Valentine's Day present.
(http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/261631059572354791_0U5A9Aan_b.jpg)
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I won't, because god doesn't exist, so it would achieve nothing. In fact, resorting to such desparation would probably suggest that 1. i was insecure about my sexuality and maybe secretly WANTED that man, and 2. i was mentally unhinged
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Coffee
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Turns
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c:(
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gth
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/funny-facebook-fails-the-back-door.png)
This can't possibly be real. O_o
It all depends on how open her mum is about certain things but it does look fake.
I ended up smoking pot with a friend last Monday for several hours and at some point his mother called him to see how the exam went(we got of the exam at the same time he asked me if I wanted to go smoke with him).
After replying that the exam went well she asked him when he was going home and he said that he was going to have a couple more blunts and then would consider going home
Still cant get over the fact that his mother just told him to have fun
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There isn't a person on here who can't identify with at least one of these, even if you were the one likely to give the answer.
WHY GOD MADE MOMS - - - - - - - - -Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
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What dispicable questions to ask children
The first three questions all indoctrinate them into religion, and the later ones all assume those children's parents are married
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What dispicable questions to ask children
The first three questions all indoctrinate them into religion, and the later ones all assume those children's parents are married
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/9/93/Wizard_troll_doll-low_res.jpg/220px-Wizard_troll_doll-low_res.jpg)
lol
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I'm with Adam, stupid shitty presumptive questions. They lead a child into a presupposed assumption about the world, not teach them to think critically about it.
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(http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/242912973621194893_3IKYeI3J_b.jpg)
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I'm with Adam, stupid shitty presumptive questions. They lead a child into a presupposed assumption about the world, not teach them to think critically about it.
I thought that the answers to the questions were absolutely hilarious and this is the "make someone laugh" thread, isn't it?
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I'm with Adam, stupid shitty presumptive questions. They lead a child into a presupposed assumption about the world, not teach them to think critically about it.
I thought that the answers to the questions were absolutely hilarious and this is the "make someone laugh" thread, isn't it?
Well, you also think it's ok to mutilate babies' genitals, so I'm not surprised that indoctrination of impressionable and endangered young children makes you laugh...
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(http://img708.imageshack.us/img708/4701/42476210151276515620648.jpg)
(http://img862.imageshack.us/img862/8954/42334826152609007591232.jpg)
(http://img16.imageshack.us/img16/2496/39724935216603813549122.jpg)
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I'm with Adam, stupid shitty presumptive questions. They lead a child into a presupposed assumption about the world, not teach them to think critically about it.
I thought that the answers to the questions were absolutely hilarious and this is the "make someone laugh" thread, isn't it?
Well, you also think it's ok to mutilate babies' genitals, so I'm not surprised that indoctrination of impressionable and endangered young children makes you laugh...
The Emperor of Japan advertises for a new bodyguard. Three swordsmen apply: one is Japanese, one is Chinese, and one is Jewish. To test him, the Emperor lets a fly loose in the room and tells the Chinese swordsman to kill it. The swordsman sweeps down his blade and chops the fly in two. The Japanese swordsman is given the same test. He swings his sword twice and manages to cut the fly into quarters before it hits the ground. The Jewish swordsman is then given a fly. He chases it round the room, swings his sword a few times, then sits down with the fly buzzing round his head. ‘Why have you stopped?’ asks the Emperor. ‘The fly is still alive.’ ‘Yes,’ replies the Jewish swordsman. ‘But now it’s circumcised.’
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So you find child abuse AND animal abuse funny?
weird...
(http://img32.imageshack.us/img32/6984/42339910150634087077254u.jpg)
(http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/2620/farto.jpg)
(http://img72.imageshack.us/img72/3307/underpressure.jpg)
(http://img521.imageshack.us/img521/7946/inflategf.jpg)
(http://img513.imageshack.us/img513/218/greenpoop.jpg)
(http://img41.imageshack.us/img41/6742/chokeddip.jpg)
(http://img857.imageshack.us/img857/2430/collegelife.jpg)
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(http://chzdailywhat.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/5a25f140-3fb9-40a0-8f17-65c6f3261230.jpg)
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Boyfriend Went Vegan (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0vQOnHW0Kc#ws)
I'm pretty sure this isn't what happens when people cut out large chunks of nutrition, but hey, it's still funny.
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(http://chzsomuchpun.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/funny-puns-stop-hammer-time.jpg)
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(http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/funny-facebook-fails-baking-with-my-best-friend-on-valentines-day.png)
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(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/395192_372875312741928_205344452828349_1379585_2078769409_n.jpg)
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fcvhbgjh
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(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_WigxWmT65Jk/TSDh-KqoOBI/AAAAAAAAiRg/yjMSXDRswgU/s640/LOL0001.jpg)
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Post in the new thread from now on, please. http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php/topic,19338.0.html (http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php/topic,19338.0.html)