Author Topic: make someone laugh  (Read 123141 times)

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Offline El

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3240 on: October 23, 2008, 06:09:34 AM »
I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!
Hahahahaha.
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline Callaway

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3241 on: October 23, 2008, 10:48:57 PM »
A small zoo in Kentucky obtained a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to
 handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem.


The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male
 gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee
 Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal
 cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample
 ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was
 approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla
 for $500.00?


Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the
 matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would
 accept their offer, but only under five conditions:


'First', Bobby Lee said, 'I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips.' The
 Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.


"Second', he said, 'She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt.'
 The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.


'Third', he said, 'you cain't never tell no one about this.' The
 keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

'Fourth', Bobby Lee said, 'I want all the children raised Southern
 Baptist.' Once again it was agreed..



'And last,' Bobby Lee said, 'I'll need another week to come up with the
 $500.00.'

Offline Trigger 11

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3242 on: October 24, 2008, 10:43:17 AM »
"Now let me ask you this. Why do you think there is a brick wall behind comedians? Maybe in the old days, there was a wolf that did comedy and he wasn’t that funny. All the old clubs had straw in the back. But the wolf would have a bad set, and then huff and puff, and fuck shit up. Then we went to sticks. And once again, he huffed and puffed, and the mother fucker fucked shit up again. Now we’re at bricks. The wolf ain’t funny, but he can’t do shit. That’s the Improv Fairytale." -Mitch Hedberg

"I got a door deal here. I’m working for 50% of the door and then tomorrow I’m working for 50% of the door. And then on Sunday I’m gonna have a…door. I think I’m gonna go with the screen door, ‘cause it’s open, but not for mosquitoes." -Mitch Hedberg

"I had a bad set here last night and they added an ‘e’ to the end of the sign." -Mitch Hedberg @ The Improv
Crazy, I'm halfway to crazy
Suicide would waste me
Homicide would break me
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Oh, is life as bad as dreams
I guess that's just the way it seems

Offline Trigger 11

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3243 on: October 24, 2008, 02:18:33 PM »
"I got a belt that’s holding up my pants, but it’s heavy, so it’s weighing them down. If it weren’t for the belt, my pants would be okay. But my pants…my belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the fuck’s really going on down there? Who is the real hero?" -Mitch Hedberg
Crazy, I'm halfway to crazy
Suicide would waste me
Homicide would break me
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Oh, is life as bad as dreams
I guess that's just the way it seems

Offline Lucifer

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3244 on: October 24, 2008, 02:52:44 PM »
just found a torrent album called "discoswede"!!  the concept is boggling my head off my fucking shoulders!

:LMAO: :rofl: :LMAO:

Offline odeon

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3245 on: October 24, 2008, 03:22:06 PM »
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

Offline Parts

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3246 on: October 24, 2008, 03:25:02 PM »
 :laugh:
"Eat it up.  Wear it out.  Make it do or do without." 

'People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.'
George Bernard Shaw

Offline odeon

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3247 on: October 24, 2008, 03:29:07 PM »
:LMAO:
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

Offline Lucifer

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3248 on: October 24, 2008, 03:31:25 PM »


even the fucking excuse for a dog is pouting!

:LMAO:

Offline odeon

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3249 on: October 24, 2008, 03:32:15 PM »
Hawt, I know. :laugh:
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

Offline Lucifer

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3250 on: October 24, 2008, 03:33:34 PM »
Hawt, I know. :laugh:

i'm moist.

around the eyes.

Offline odeon

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3251 on: October 24, 2008, 03:34:21 PM »
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

Offline Lucifer

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3252 on: October 24, 2008, 03:35:46 PM »
Hawt, I know. :laugh:

i'm moist.

around the eyes.

I know. :green:

well, can you blame me?  he's so sicksy sexy.

(yessssss!  aspies CAN do outright lies!)

Offline enronh

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3253 on: October 24, 2008, 03:38:23 PM »
is that Daniel Powter?

Offline odeon

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3254 on: October 24, 2008, 03:50:45 PM »
It's Gunther the Swedish Sex God.
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein