make someone laugh

[skyblue1]

[Dexter Morgan]

[The_Chosen_One]

Hey, it's been posted before, but what the hey....



and this:

[skyblue1]

[Queen Victoria]

5 Questions and Answers

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...

BONUS QUESTION & ANSWER

Q: What is a man's ultimate embarrassment?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

[Queen Victoria]

New Drugs For Men
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.

DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask for directions when they got lost compared to a control group where only 0.2 percent asked for directions.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks, especially cleaning up spills and little accidents.

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a ! sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

CAPAGRA - Caused test subjects to become uncharacteristically fastidious about lowering toilet seats and replacing toothpaste caps. Subjects on higher doses were seen dusting furniture.

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into special prosecutors.

LIAGRA - This drug causes men! to be less than truthful when they are asked about their sexu! al affai rs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.

[Queen Victoria]

GRANDPA AND THE IRS

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. 

 The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up
 with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle
 and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying
  that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
 
 I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'
 
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
 
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own
eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
 
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
 
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite
my other eye.'
 
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
 
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
 
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand,
with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
 
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six
thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that
wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
 
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully
and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he
agrees again.
 
 Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he
can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side,so he pretty much urinates
 all over the auditor
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major
loss  into a huge win.
 
 But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hand
 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
 
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me
 he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars
that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy
about it!'

I KEEP TELLING YOU, DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Queen Victoria]

> If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,
> 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:
>
>
> COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
> 
> ABBOTT:  Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
>
> COSTELLO:  Thanks I setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking
> about buying a computer.
>
> ABBOTT:  Mac?
>
> COSTELLO:  No, the name's Lou.
>
> ABBOTT:  Your computer?
>
> COSTELLO:  I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
>
> ABBOTT:  Mac?
>
> COSTELLO:  I told you, my name's Lou.
>
> ABBOTT:  What about Windows?
>
> COSTELLO:  Why?  Will it get stuffy in here?
>
> ABBOTT:  Do you want a computer with Windows?
>
> COSTELLO:  I don know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
>
> ABBOTT:  Wallpaper.
>
> COSTELLO:  Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
>
> ABBOTT:  Software for Windows?
>
> COSTELLO:  No.  On the computer! I need something I can use to
> write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
>
> ABBOTT:  Office.
>
> COSTELLO:  Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
>
> ABBOTT:  I just did.
>
> COSTELLO:  You just did what?
>
> ABBOTT:  Recommend something.
>
> COSTELLO:  You recommended something?
>
> ABBOTT:  Yes.
>
> COSTELLO:  For my office?
>
> ABBOTT:  Yes.
>
> COSTELLO:  OK, what did you recommend for my office?
>
> ABBOTT:  Office.
>
> COSTELLO:  Yes, for my office!
>
> ABBOTT:  I recommend Office with Windows.
> 
> COSTELLO:  I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I
> sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? 
>
> ABBOTT:  Word.
>
> COSTELLO:  What word?
>
> ABBOTT:  Word in Office.
>
> COSTELLO:  The only word in office is office.
>
> ABBOTT:  The Word in Office for Windows.
>
> COSTELLO:  Which word in office for windows?
>
> ABBOTT:  The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
> 
> COSTELLO:  I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you don't start with
> some straight answers.   What about financial bookkeeping? You have
> anything I can track my money with?
>
> ABBOTT:  Money.
>
> COSTELLO:  That's right. What do you have?
>
> ABBOTT:  Money.
>
> COSTELLO:  I need money to track my money?
>
> ABBOTT:  It comes bundled with your computer.
>
> COSTELLO:  What's bundled with my computer?
>
> ABBOTT:  Money.
>
> COSTELLO:  Money comes with my computer?
>
> ABBOTT:  Yes.  No extra charge.
>
> COSTELLO:  I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
>
> ABBOTT:  One copy.
>
> COSTELLO:  Isn't it illegal to copy money?
>
> ABBOTT:  Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
>
> COSTELLO:  They can give you a license to copy money?
>
> ABBOTT:  Why not? THEY OWN IT!
>
> (A few days later)
>
> ABBOTT:  Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
>
> COSTELLO:  How do I turn my computer off?           
>
> ABBOTT:  Click on 'START'...

[The_Chosen_One]

And here is the original:

[Queen Victoria]

We have a massive sculpted monument in the USA, on Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota.  It is carved with the likenesses of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln. 



Not everyone gets a chance to see Mt. Rushmore from the Canadian side.  Now you have that chance.

[Osensitive1]

Can't see the second pic; it links to a windows live email sign-in screen. Try it again.

[Queen Victoria]

Can't see the second pic; it links to a windows live email sign-in screen. Try it again.

I did the show picture option in the right mouse click and it worked for me.  Try that and let me know.

[Osensitive1]

Didn't work. If it's in your email, may have to move it to a photobucket account.

[The_Chosen_One]

Deep Purple's take on Mt Rushmore:



And as shown in Superman 2:

[Osensitive1]

We have a massive sculpted monument in the USA, on Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota.  It is carved with the likenesses of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln. 



Not everyone gets a chance to see Mt. Rushmore from the Canadian side.  Now you have that chance.