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Author Topic: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR  (Read 21108 times)

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Offline Lestat

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #210 on: May 13, 2018, 11:24:06 AM »
Am in the only one who HATED driving? I really did, i see too much to let it all in at one point, thats the issue with hyperstimulation as default.

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Offline Calandale

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #211 on: May 13, 2018, 11:35:58 AM »
I make some pretty big sacrifices to avoid driving.

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #212 on: May 13, 2018, 01:33:54 PM »
Am in the only one who HATED driving? I really did, i see too much to let it all in at one point, thats the issue with hyperstimulation as default.

PA hated driving also.  He had a wreck about 3 weeks into going out.  I drove 90% of the time after that.  Any long distance (out of city) I definitely drove.
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #213 on: May 13, 2018, 01:34:07 PM »
Sorry for no humour the past few days.  Nursing  a broken toe and bruised side and not feeling very jolly.  Jokes will be back soon.
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Lestat

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #214 on: May 13, 2018, 03:38:51 PM »
I only got as far as taking lessons, then the seizures started so I fucked it  off. Albeit I doubt they'd actually cause a problem, given  they near exclusively happen when just coming out of sleep. I'd be fine enough on a motorbike etc, I just don't like the enclosed environment of cars  and its feeling as though there  is a layer removed  between the steering and response, I really don't like that at all. I'm much more comfortable with the instant response of bikes compared to the slight delay of cars.
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Offline DirtDawg

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #215 on: May 13, 2018, 08:13:11 PM »

So while the good dad was teaching tolerance to his brazen son, the son killed a butterfly

Dad says no butter for two weeks!

Next day the harsh son killed a honey bee.

Dad says no honey for two weeks!

When they got home they found out that the wife had killed a cockroach.

Son says do want to tell her or do I have to?
Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline Jack

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #216 on: May 13, 2018, 09:41:03 PM »
My driving is like my cooking. It's not great, but it's not really awful either. I don't like it, but I'll do it anyway.

Offline odeon

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #217 on: May 13, 2018, 11:18:42 PM »
Sorry for no humour the past few days.  Nursing  a broken toe and bruised side and not feeling very jolly.  Jokes will be back soon.

:( :hug:
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Offline renaeden

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #218 on: May 13, 2018, 11:36:16 PM »
I'm ok at driving and I make sure I take my ADHD meds beforehand.

QV, I have never broken a toe, just stubbed one good and proper. And damn, that was enough. You definitely have my sympathy. :hug: if you'd like one.
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Offline Lestat

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #219 on: May 14, 2018, 01:02:42 AM »
Get well soon QV *makes with the chicken soup*

How did it happen?
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Offline Arya Quinn

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #220 on: May 14, 2018, 08:18:16 AM »

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #221 on: May 15, 2018, 11:05:01 AM »
Celeste takes her seventeen year old daughter to the doctor.

“OK, Celeste, what’s the problem?” The mother says, “It’s my daughter, Estelle. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and she is sick most mornings.”

The doctor gives Estelle a good inspection, then turns to Celeste and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but Estelle is pregnant about four and a half months would be my thought.”

Celeste says disbelievingly, “Pregnant?! That’s impossible! She can’t be, she has never been left alone with a man! Have you, Estelle?” Estelle says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!” The doctor walked over to the clinic’s window and stared outside.

After ten minutes silence Celeste said, “Is there something wrong out there, doctor?” The doctor replied, “No, not at it. It’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’m not going to miss it this time around!”
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #222 on: May 16, 2018, 11:41:50 AM »
Angry wife Jasmine on phone, asks to her husband Leroy: “Where the hell are you?”

Leroy: “Babe, do you remember that jewelery shop where you saw the diamond ring and totally fell in love with it, and I didn’t have money that time, and I said ‘Babe it’ll be yours one day’?”

Jasmine, with a huge smile and blushing: “Yeah I remember that my love!”

Leroy: “I’m in the pub just next to that jewelry shop.”
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #223 on: May 17, 2018, 03:39:55 PM »
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years and then finally dies.

A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony, the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, “Watch the wall!”
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #224 on: May 20, 2018, 09:36:38 AM »
Alexander called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

“Wear your worn out clothing. Let him think you are poor,” the accountant replied.

Then Alexander asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. “Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most expensive suit and tie.”

Confused, Alexander went to Preacher, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma.”Let me tell you a story,” replied the Preacher.

“A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her nuptial night. ‘Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.’ But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your hottest lingerie.”

Alexander protested: “What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?!”

“Simple”, replied the Preacher…

“It doesn’t matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed!”
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv: