My new baby

[Celticgoddess]

I would strongly suggest waiting before you try again SG. Sometimes when you think you've gotten over the worst feelings about this sort of thing, they come up when you least expect it. Counselling is a good idea.

You know I'm starting to think that. I have been fighting the urge of taking my doll out, I did yesterday but kept it in my husband's bag and left it in the car and I am also fighting myself to not post so much miscarriage stuff on Yahoo Answers because then I just feel like an attention whore. I have already gotten this far and I still want to talk about miscarriages. So far no lady has contacted me from yahoo answers to talk about miscarriages and I have in my profile I am looking for other ladies to talk to about it who has had one. The miscarriages forums I visited are not very active so it's useless and I have already received two PMs from the mod there because of the way I was talking about miscarriages. So now I am speechless on what to say. I don't know what other behaviors there are unacceptable. I don't even know if asking women about how many times they miscarried before their first baby is okay or not. I probably should ask the mod. I also tried looking for support groups in my area but found none. I'm going to pick up the phone tomorrow and call to see what counselors there are.

But the good news is I've learned that some charities donate dolls to hospitals for moms to take home when they lose their baby and in some cultures when women miscarry, they are given a wooden doll.

Why do people need to recover first before they try again? Does it make it harder for women to get pregnant again?

Because the choice to have a child is a 20 year committment. And you never know what you'll get....you could have a child that would require care for the rest of his/her life. It's always a gamble.

Why commit to 20 years of the unknown when you can just focus on yourself for awhile? Do the things you love to do by yourself, and with your husband. If you feel the need to nuture something and take care of it, try getting a pet first. There are a lot of people who have a dog or cat, or bird or whatever and nuture that to find out if they're ready for children. It fulfills the need of wanting to share something you love with your husband, and have something to dote on, without the complications of it being a little baby who's demands consume your every day life.

As for counselling, I would look into something that is one to one. I think that would be a safer environment for you where you can ask as many questions as you want without fear of offending annyone.Who wants to stress about what your asking is right or wrong when you're dealing with something so emotional?

I think it would be wise to take a beak from trying to get pregnant. You heart needs to heal and so does your body. Things like this do take time.

[Adam]

i agree with cg.

also it's more than a 20 yr commitment - look at what my poor mother has to suffer from - i am 21 
have you and your husband spent a lot of time thinking about what it will be like after you give birth - when the kid is growing up, problems that will arise, school, teenage years etc?

[Natalia Evans]

I would strongly suggest waiting before you try again SG. Sometimes when you think you've gotten over the worst feelings about this sort of thing, they come up when you least expect it. Counselling is a good idea.

You know I'm starting to think that. I have been fighting the urge of taking my doll out, I did yesterday but kept it in my husband's bag and left it in the car and I am also fighting myself to not post so much miscarriage stuff on Yahoo Answers because then I just feel like an attention whore. I have already gotten this far and I still want to talk about miscarriages. So far no lady has contacted me from yahoo answers to talk about miscarriages and I have in my profile I am looking for other ladies to talk to about it who has had one. The miscarriages forums I visited are not very active so it's useless and I have already received two PMs from the mod there because of the way I was talking about miscarriages. So now I am speechless on what to say. I don't know what other behaviors there are unacceptable. I don't even know if asking women about how many times they miscarried before their first baby is okay or not. I probably should ask the mod. I also tried looking for support groups in my area but found none. I'm going to pick up the phone tomorrow and call to see what counselors there are.

But the good news is I've learned that some charities donate dolls to hospitals for moms to take home when they lose their baby and in some cultures when women miscarry, they are given a wooden doll.

Why do people need to recover first before they try again? Does it make it harder for women to get pregnant again?

Because the choice to have a child is a 20 year committment. And you never know what you'll get....you could have a child that would require care for the rest of his/her life. It's always a gamble.

Why commit to 20 years of the unknown when you can just focus on yourself for awhile? Do the things you love to do by yourself, and with your husband. If you feel the need to nuture something and take care of it, try getting a pet first. There are a lot of people who have a dog or cat, or bird or whatever and nuture that to find out if they're ready for children. It fulfills the need of wanting to share something you love with your husband, and have something to dote on, without the complications of it being a little baby who's demands consume your every day life.

As for counselling, I would look into something that is one to one. I think that would be a safer environment for you where you can ask as many questions as you want without fear of offending annyone.Who wants to stress about what your asking is right or wrong when you're dealing with something so emotional?

I think it would be wise to take a beak from trying to get pregnant. You heart needs to heal and so does your body. Things like this do take time.

My landlord won't allow pets. I would love to have a cat or a dog but I would rather have a place with a yard so our dog has a place to run around in and our cat has a place to rest. I have had pets in the past. My cat died and I had to get rid of my dog because I didn't think it be fair for my parents to have to take care of her because they already had four other dogs. I moved so I couldn't have a pet for now.

[benjimanbreeg]

I think people shouldn't have kids just for something to play with.  And you gott get yourself stable.  Plus the kid might end up aspie, if I knew I was gonna have a child that was aspie, I wouldn't want it.  This world is only gonna get worse for us.

[renaeden]

I think people shouldn't have kids just for something to play with.  And you gott get yourself stable.  

Mentally, physically, financially. As stable as you can.

['andersom']

SG,

The miscarriage will not go away. It is not strange that you are still thinking on it, or wanting to talk about it. It can come up again and again. It may make you sad in ten years, after years of hardly thinking about it.
Don't feel bad about how you feel, or about what you want to ask.

If on a forum about miscarriages your posts are seen as inappropriate, that may be your ASD.

In that way one on one counselling may be good for you indeed, provided the counsellor knows about ASD.
Talking about it may be good. It would not be a good thing to have a second child as a replacement for the first one. The first one needs mourning, so that you can let it go. And probably by being damned sad about it.


When it comes to having children. You can prepare yourself in a way. But in the end, you cannot plan when you will fall pregnant. You cannot plan if the pregnancy will go well, you cannot plan on the health of your kid. You cannot plan that no diseases will disrupt the lives of you or your husband. It is still wise to be well prepared though.

And you can and should be prepared to love a child for what it is I think. All the other things can change in a moment. Accidents, misfortunes, life is as insecure as hell. Make sure you are stable enough that you can vouch for your love for the child.

[earthboundmisfit]

This world is only gonna get worse for us.

I disagree. More is being learned about autism all the time, and understanding will increase. There are people (like me) who went through hell growing up and are willing to work so future generations don't have to go through what we did.


The curebies and 'autism speaks' crowd will one day be viewed in the same light as the ignorant people who burned witches.

[benjimanbreeg]

This world is only gonna get worse for us.

I disagree. More is being learned about autism all the time, and understanding will increase. There are people (like me) who went through hell growing up and are willing to work so future generations don't have to go through what we did.


The curebies and 'autism speaks' crowd will one day be viewed in the same light as the ignorant people who burned witches.

I didn't mean about autism awareness.  Obviously that is getting better.  The world is getting too crazy with technology and stress etc.  The only hope is a cure or suicide.

[Celticgoddess]

^ I disagree. How many aspies do you think are behind those technological advancements? Most likely a huge number. I don't think it has to be us vs. them. Everyone struggles with something to some degree. I don't want a cure and I'm not going to off myself. I just get by as best I can. Some days are better than others. 

[earthboundmisfit]

^ I disagree. How many aspies do you think are behind those technological advancements? Most likely a huge number.

One day we will control the NT sheep. MUAHAHAHAHA!

[benjimanbreeg]

They're not behind, thats my point, they'll just become more secluded, and that'll just get them more depressed.  Its too much of what they need, too easy to communicate with others, but its only a quick fix.  But spending so much time watching tv or online, just makes ya feel worthless and very tired.  I don't mean us vs them either, I hate that shit.  I want a cure.

[Celticgoddess]

Why though? A cure would change such a huge part of who you and then you wouldn't be the same person?

[benjimanbreeg]

Good.  I'm not sure if the mis-prescribed epilum gave me aspergers, I heard someone say about that.  My mind has a blockage, I used to be able to say what I wanted on the spot, now nothing comes to me cause i'm too buzy analyzing whats on my mind.  Even though, the doc said I showed signs of child autism.  Maybe the drug abuse, or definatly caused paranoia and too much anxiety, and depression.

[Celticgoddess]

Get your butt on skype please. 

[The_Chosen_One]

Ain't gonna happen, benji. You were born with it, you'll live with it, and then you'll die with it. Acceptance is the best you can hope for. The 'us v them' shit grew old long ago, and it's only those that have a very insecure complex about themselves that keep regurgitating it. Doesn't matter whether you are Aspie, NT, bipolar, PDD-NOS - they are all fucking labels. Above all, we are all PEOPLE, posting on a forum together. And for the most part trying to live our lives the best we can. Doctors may put a dx in a file - doesn't mean you have to brand yourself like cattle with it.