Ask Nomaken anything

[McGiver]

Would you like to be this dog?

and they were just going to go a romantic picnic in the park.  who knew they'd hit it off so well?

[Nomaken]

Would you care to elaborate?

Nothing much to tell.? Essentially me and a few other people went camping and got blitzed and one of the girls really really wanted to have sex but her boyfriend wouldn't go camping, so she basically pounced me.? And I was exploring and that is when she asked me if i knew that was her ass.

I so did not want to have sex with her, that it was pretty accurately like being guilted into helping your friend move all their crap to a new appartment.  That kind of reluctance.

[McGiver]

i know the feeling.
but the point about not knowing it was her ass was just an act.  you played dumb well, but you knew exactly what you were doing, and where you were.

no wait, you were blitzed (allegedly).

How blitzed were you?
and you were just playing up the not realizing that was her ass, you knew, right?

[Nomaken]

No, that's why I was exploring.  I would have been more embarassed at the time had I not been so plastered.

[Peter]

I so did not want to have sex with her, that it was pretty accurately like being guilted into helping your friend move all their crap to a new appartment.  That kind of reluctance.

Doesn't this count as rape as these days?  Seems you practically have to have a contract signed in blood nowadays, or is ok if it's a guy being pressured into sex and taken advantage of while drunk?

[Nomaken]

A case that this was rape could be won in a court.  It would be a much higher chance that she'd win than i'd win with the same accusation.
How to determine rape is another one of those unanswerable questions that is virtually impossible to legislate and make fair.
  Based on how I see it, they bias the laws towards the group that bitches the most.  So to make it more fair, we'd need a shit load of men to complain that it was being unfair towards us.
  And it is extra difficult for us to get fairness given back to us because we have a long standing moral guilt debt to pay back to all the people whose parents were opressed by our parents.

[Merry Widow]

A case that this was rape could be won in a court.? It would be a much higher chance that she'd win than i'd win with the same accusation.
How to determine rape is another one of those unanswerable questions that is virtually impossible to legislate and make fair.
? Based on how I see it, they bias the laws towards the group that bitches the most.? So to make it more fair, we'd need a shit load of men to complain that it was being unfair towards us.

get over it! i've lost count of the amount of times i've been guilt-tripped in to having sex. sometimes, i've agreed to having sex with someone just to avoid a confrontation (for example: not being able to think of a way of politely rejecting someone, without causing offence). i can't imagine that it's much different for other females.

it's never occurred to me to consider any of these incidents as "rape," though. everytime, i have blamed my own lack of assertiveness for what took place. i suggest that any men, who find themselves in similar situations, do the same and stop looking for someone to blame for your own inadequacies.

[purposefulinsanity]

Whilst I agree with a lot of what you have said Omega I also think that the issue is getting more and more complex.  A recent campaign in the UK media has been claiming that drunk women aren't capable of giving consent and this is where I believe the issue gets muddy.  If a woman can say yes, but then claim it was rape because she was too drunk to make that decision why doesn't the same go for men??  And in those cases is it really rape or just a question of second thoughts when sober??

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/4803878.stm

[Merry Widow]

well, that is something that i have no personal experience to base my opinion on, since i have never been so drunk that i've not had any idea of what i'm doing. however, i have regretted decisions that i've made whilst drunk (and sober) but to accuse someone of rape - just because i misjudged the situation, for whatever reason - seems a bit extreme, to me.

[purposefulinsanity]

well, that is something that i have no personal experience to base my opinion on, since i have never been so drunk that i've not had any idea of what i'm doing. however, i have regretted decisions that i've made whilst drunk (and sober) but to accuse someone of rape - just because i misjudged the situation, for whatever reason - seems a bit extreme, to me.

Yeah I've never let myself get in such a state either.  I feel that these figures kind of illustrate just how muddy the issues is getting:

Of 677 rape complaints made in London in April and May,  235 (35%) were alcohol-related and 85 (13%) said they were uncertain if they had been raped.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/4548534.stm   Where I got the figures from and btw the figures were for last year.

[Merry Widow]

i should probably just clarify that i think there's a significant difference between someone consenting to sex because they were "tipsy" and someone taking advantage of a person who is so out-of-it that they can barely move or speak. although, proving the difference in court would be rather tricky.

[purposefulinsanity]

i should probably just clarify that i think there's a significant difference between someone consenting to sex because they were "tipsy" and someone taking advantage of a person who is so out-of-it that they can barely move or speak. although, proving the difference in court would be rather tricky.

Definetely- no question there at all.  But putting all the onus on the man I feel the campaign isn't doing all it could to prevent rape,  it should also focus on encouraging women not to get so drunk they have no clue what they are doing.  However if I remember correctly this campaign is at least partly funded by the alcohol industry- and lets face it do they really want to discourage binge drinking??

[Nomaken]

I'm over it, i'm just stating an observation.  It might be a terribly unflattering observation towards women, the legal system, and the ethics of humanity, but i calls 'em likes i sees 'em.

There is a significant difference in reality, but in the courts it isn't significant if it is unprovable.

[Merry Widow]

i should probably just clarify that i think there's a significant difference between someone consenting to sex because they were "tipsy" and someone taking advantage of a person who is so out-of-it that they can barely move or speak. although, proving the difference in court would be rather tricky.

Definetely- no question there at all.? But putting all the onus on the man I feel the campaign isn't doing all it could to prevent rape,? it should also focus on encouraging women not to get so drunk they have no clue what they are doing.?

i think that both sexes could do with a little guidance about the dangers of excessive drinking. i don't like the way that some people try to shift the blame of rape on to a woman by suggesting that she shouldn't have let herself get so drunk, in the first place. i think this is an equality issue, as women should be free to behave as irresponsibly as men and still have their rights protected! personally, i try to avoid situations where my vulnerability is increased, but this is a logical decision based on my knowledge of how the world works (ie: extremely unfair, at times) - not out of a sense of moral duty to do so.

[Peter]

The reason I brought it up wasn't because I thought Nomaken had been raped and should get all victimy about it; I only brought it up because the double standard annoys me, where drunk guys 'get lucky' and drunk girls 'get raped'.  It's not a mere issue of social perception either; it's a double standard that results in guys going to jail because of women baulking at their own actions the next morning, while a guy is going to have a much, much harder time convincing anyone that he wasn't up for it.