Firstly, I want the funeral conducted in or right next door to a hotel. The funeral will have an open bar, it will be catered, there will be video games, and TVs for movies provided. I want music to be playing(the songs I will pick, an example would be Cats on Mars).
http://www.dark-sanity.com/Cats On Mars - Cowboy Bebop.mp3
I'm not sure if I want my body donated to science, or donated to a bunch of necrophiliacs, blown up with C4 or taxidermed in a pose and put in display during the funeral. If I am in a pose, I want to have my hand set so i'm holding a bottle of tequilla, and I want to hire a guy to act like a priest who keeps sneaking sips out of the tequilla bottle, and by the time any words are said, the tequilla bottle is empty.
I want 2 people cosplaying and xellos and filia to be married at some point during the procedings. I'm not sure what I want said, but i'd prefer it wasn't some bland bullshit like, "An honest hard working man, who dedicated his life to helping others," but rather something fun like, "And i'm sure if he was still with us today he would say, 'Does anybody remember if you are supposed to drink beer before liquor or is it the other way around?'"
I want the food to be so good that 2 people will be sobbing and consoling each other and having the whole situation be akward, and then take a bite out of something and go, "Ohh.. that is good, what's in it?" And then go off on a conversation on preparing food.
And I want a group of belligerant drunken men smoking playing card games and yelling at the top of their lungs and bitching at each other over whether a strait flush beats 4 of a kind.
I want male and female strippers at the funeral, and I want dancing poles there. Not necessarily installed, but rented.
The reason it would be at or near a hotel is so that everyone can get totally shit faced and not have to drive home.