No seriously. You poor bastards have to put up with my essay lengths post for eternity. It is your punishment for being bad aspies.
The good news is that in your next life you with be rewarded with this sacrifice and be happy creatures.
Bad news is I will find you. 
Hi Al.
I think that you need a quick run down of what's what and who's who.
Callouts. They are really a meet and greet and of no real consequence. When we like someone and want to discuss it with them we "call out" to them. "Hey dog breath your posting style sucks" or "Hey your opinion on religion sucks retard". We all respond very well to such claims and that is the "call out" section.
Now some of the personalities.
Pentagram/Candlemass is the Sensei of the forum. Really clever guy. For all answers to the forums greater questions his insight is the one most sought and appreciated
Scrapheap: Very quiet and reserved guy. Has been trying for a long time to bring himself to talk to people. Finds it especially hard to talk to ladies.
Callaway: Very forgetful lady. A great way to embarrass her is to bring up an issue a day before and she will not have any idea she said it or thought it and lose her point of reference. You can easily confuse her.
PPK: Hates confrontation and is very anti-gun and lives in a commune selling craft. He is a bit of a soft spot here so go easy on him.
Gluey is a conformist and likes things proper. She would not look out of place in a convent truth be told.
Peter is the only member we have from Africa. He is by birth a Pygmie and until recently had no inclination what the internet was but has come leaps and bounds in a very short time. He has wonderful stories to tell you of the open plains of Africa and his triumphs against wild beasts whilst protecting his homeland.
Butterflies is very quiet almost as quiet as CouldBeCousin. Butterflies as you can tell from the face is a gentle little soul and easily startled. She is in need of a bit of protecting and I think that you could well be the person to do so.
Theok is shy and demure and easily upset by efforts to bring up anything of a sexual nature. Try it. It is fun. He is such a prude. Anything at all honestly.
Soph is allergic to animal hair and such issues are a sore point for Soph. I would stay well clear of any approach to dogs, cats, turtles, rabbits...you know pets entirely.
Odeon is the owner. He is not that bright and a soft touch here. In fact as a general exercise in lulz give it to him and watch him flounder. It is fun. All of us do this.
Schleed is the nice guy of the forum and the most sensitive by far. Treat him with kid gloves because seeing him dissolve into a weeping messy is not only frightening but heart-breaking and so easily done.
Celtic Goddess and Earthbound Misfit are actually code names. They are, I understand, a terrorist splinter cell and are very close and secretive. I have no idea their true motives and naturally it scares shit out of me.
Mcalavera is a highly religious person. He has over many years drifted from one secular religion to another as the truth of god seemed out of his grasp. Now he has found his best fit and living a strict secular life with a denomination of Christianity that is strict and demanding and he is the type of person for it. He will textually rip anyone to pieces for arguing in any topic that cross the boundaries of his christian principles....even inadvertently. be careful.
Oh there is also CouldbeCousin who is a real tearaway. She doesn't post much but when she does watch out. Nasty piece of work and in league with HykeasWell. Be wary of those two. These two are really the Bonnie and Clyde of the forum. Do not misjudge the outward happy and gentle humour for that. They are the sharks of the forum and wait til they see blood in the water so to speak and they will rip you to pieces.
Sea Tart/Lady Squidling is what we like to refer to as a psychopathic radical Aryan, because that is what he is in fact. It is no surprise that the bad eggs or the forum - CBC, Hykeaswell and Queen Victoria are drawn to his horrible nature. Everyone else is scared of him....except Renaeden. He is I believe a high ranking Neo-Nazi.
Queen Victoria is pure evil. There is little that escapes her notice here and she will take whatever you hold dear and use it against you in frightening ways. Evil I tell you.
Lutra is a passionate and highly emotional individual. You will often find Lutra in the thick of debates arguing strongly as to the deepest passions of his enormous heart. He is an activist by heart and nature.
Renaeden? Well like a venus fly trap this lady will happily wait for her next victim. Then she devours slowly but unlike the fly trap she will laugh all the while. She is a nasty piece of work.
Zegh is our resident health nut. He is a firm believer of thy body is a temple. He is a hard bastard. He is a marathon runner and a martial artist too. Has like 8 abs.
Austra is a Swedish trumpet player. She has big lips and practices lip and breath control by sucking a golf ball through a garden hose. She is talented.
Bodaccea is our most prestigious member. She can trace her Italian heritage back to Julius Caesar. She is a gentle and studious historian working for the National Library of Rome and any conversations about Roman and its incursions against the filthy degenerates that would defy Rome is strongly welcomed.
Psychophant is a great lover of chess and like the game of chess he is very good at mindgames and in working a forum. Having said this he does not mind pushy or arrogant people and bigots. He is not family orientated and prefers the company of an inexpensive bottle of scotch and a shot glass.
PMSElle? Elle is a mature voluptuous self assured matronly lady with the ability and confidence to deal with all people as equals and the confidence in herself to accept her own shortcomings. She is intelligent and can extrapolate what she has learned into practical everyday realities. She always backs what she says and people listen to her reasoned judgments
Eris. More prude in matters sexual than even poor Theok. Very quickly flustered by mention of sexual proliferation or bodily fluid exchanges. Try bringing something kinky into the conversation to make her blush. You know you want to.
Professor Farnsworth? I think beneath his friendly exterior could well be a latent psychopath. In fact there is little I believe to stop him going postal. In time he will and all that will save us all from saying "I knew that guy. I always suspected he would" will be the fact that his username is not his real name. I think this is better in a way don't you?
Rage is a well adjusted and yet sensitive young man. He is the boy that every Father wants to have his daughter bring home for a date. Gentle soul. He is also a peaceful man and has recently applied for the priesthood. We are waiting this for a long time. Not everyone would fit the priesthood well but somhow with Rage you know it is just his calling.
Have you met Pyraxis?
You will like her. I wrote a special poem for her.
"She is fun and always in good cheer
She will happily rip you from arsehole to ear"
Do you like it?
Semicolon is a Cryptologist. One of very few people actually paid to seek out imaginary monsters. Seriously these people are paid to research sightings of such things as the Sasquash or extinct creatures being sighted. He not only frequently sets of on these elaborate hunts but completely believes in fairies and the Loch Ness monster and so on and more so is the ultimate optimist in his believe of an eventual confirmed capture or kill. He is completely illogical naturally.
Hubert Cumberdale is an 18 year old German girl, and one of our latest members. She is very busy in providing good wholesome recipes that her grandmother used to make. We are getting a new idea of what culinary delights found in that country.
I guess you will get to know the rest.
Oh of course there is me. I am I admit VERY sensitive and easily hurt. l am the meet and greeter and will steer you well in this little forum to make your life as easy as possible.
Oh as far as calling out I would expect you may wish to find a reason to "callout" to Callaway, Odeon, PPK, Schleed, and then Butterflies in that approximate order.
Now best be on my way..........
