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Author Topic: How to get a smokin' hot girlfriend.  (Read 864 times)

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Offline El

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Re: How to get a smokin' hot girlfriend.
« Reply #15 on: March 03, 2012, 10:16:51 AM »
I watched little bits of it.  Enough that I am assuming it's sarcasm.
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline Genesis

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Re: How to get a smokin' hot girlfriend.
« Reply #16 on: March 03, 2012, 08:15:17 PM »

This is a message board, not a ouija board  :zombiefuck:

Offline ProfessorFarnsworth

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Re: How to get a smokin' hot girlfriend.
« Reply #17 on: March 03, 2012, 09:38:04 PM »
I've got a better idea, buy every fake, cheap and potentially illegal imitation of diamonds, jewellery, watches, designer clothing, paintings, everything and decorate your house like you're a millionaire. Use cheap building materials to make surfaces look like expensive woods, metals and stone, create fake invoices of expensive purchases, take pictures of yourself dressed rich on expensive yachts, go to functions and get photos of yourself shaking hands with well known rich people. Create an entirely fake identity and make people think your some rich sophisticated charismatic entrepreneur. Max out as many credit cards as possible and fulfil both your and her desires. In fact while you're at it, try to actually become rich by conning people by creating an contingency fake identity in the event of her breaking up with you.

This will all cost thousands and dedication, but hey if it means a lay, wild parties and you're that desperate, it'll not only work, but should things fall through, she'll get your asset as you flee in "sadness" but that's because, and here's the most beautiful "fuck you" revenge part... She'll have all those asset seized by the IRS or Repo agencies due to your tax fraud and owning so much debts and you get pre-emptive revenge; while you use your new identity to start it all over again like a evil cunning prick you are. :orly:

What a life, until jail time of course. :trollface:

...Holy fuck that would make a great fictional story of a serial con-artist who exploits women and destroys their lives in mountains of debt. But one day he meets a woman who's also a con-artist and uncovers his plans and is conflicted by her moral values on whenever or not to ally with him for a new type of con and try his game or stop this cunning monster from hurting others by playing a better con to get him arrested.

« Last Edit: March 03, 2012, 09:46:02 PM by ProfessorFarnsworth »
Existence actually has two broad meanings despite its apparent meaningless. The constant reconciliation of all its parts, and the conservation of any closed system as a whole.

Morality can be extrapolated from these meanings to make these two commandments of godless morality: 1). Be in harmony with one another and 2). Care for the environment.

Offline Squidusa

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Re: How to get a smokin' hot girlfriend.
« Reply #18 on: March 03, 2012, 09:43:43 PM »
You're a great guy Farnsworth , but you scare me sometimes.  :laugh:
« Last Edit: March 03, 2012, 09:50:53 PM by Squidusa »
I'll just diagnose myself as Goddess of the Universe and have done with it. Hell with autism!  :green: :zoinks:

nice is just something written on biscuits.  

P7PSP

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Re: How to get a smokin' hot girlfriend.
« Reply #19 on: March 03, 2012, 09:51:13 PM »
Something tells me that's pentagram.

I really hope I'm not stating the obvious here.  :laugh:

No, the accent is wrong and the apartment doesn't look like his (don't ask how I know, I just do.)
slut.  :P
:lol:

Offline El

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Re: How to get a smokin' hot girlfriend.
« Reply #20 on: March 04, 2012, 11:06:37 AM »
I've got a better idea, buy every fake, cheap and potentially illegal imitation of diamonds, jewellery, watches, designer clothing, paintings, everything and decorate your house like you're a millionaire. Use cheap building materials to make surfaces look like expensive woods, metals and stone, create fake invoices of expensive purchases, take pictures of yourself dressed rich on expensive yachts, go to functions and get photos of yourself shaking hands with well known rich people. Create an entirely fake identity and make people think your some rich sophisticated charismatic entrepreneur. Max out as many credit cards as possible and fulfil both your and her desires. In fact while you're at it, try to actually become rich by conning people by creating an contingency fake identity in the event of her breaking up with you.

This will all cost thousands and dedication, but hey if it means a lay, wild parties and you're that desperate, it'll not only work, but should things fall through, she'll get your asset as you flee in "sadness" but that's because, and here's the most beautiful "fuck you" revenge part... She'll have all those asset seized by the IRS or Repo agencies due to your tax fraud and owning so much debts and you get pre-emptive revenge; while you use your new identity to start it all over again like a evil cunning prick you are. :orly:

What a life, until jail time of course. :trollface:

...Holy fuck that would make a great fictional story of a serial con-artist who exploits women and destroys their lives in mountains of debt. But one day he meets a woman who's also a con-artist and uncovers his plans and is conflicted by her moral values on whenever or not to ally with him for a new type of con and try his game or stop this cunning monster from hurting others by playing a better con to get him arrested.
There's no way that hasn't been made into a movie yet.

Also, it's really sad when guys actually do this to women irl.  Or when women do it to men.  /buzzkill
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline ProfessorFarnsworth

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Re: How to get a smokin' hot girlfriend.
« Reply #21 on: March 04, 2012, 07:49:56 PM »
If there's a movie, I'd be curious enough to actually watch it, seriously. But wouldn't it be considered a romantic thriller or a mystery/political-like thriller? I mean here you'd have two individuals that have a sociopath's disposition to exploit others with no regard of morality or feelings, finding them together in a false romantic setting only to screw each other over. The mystery element is how the whole plot unravels when they slowly learn each other's history.

I'm not sure if such a film premise is common (or at least done in such a cruel context where there's no emotional relationship to the protagonist/antagonist to the viewer/reader) that plays a false romance like a political thriller of espionage, deceit and challenges their own views of morality (or lack of). Because it doesn't market too well for the soppy hopeless romantic types who want to see love, justice and happiness as the ultimate outcome. It wouldn't market too well for anyone except those who like political thrillers I guess, even though it wouldn't involve politics, just two con-artists realising they've made a mistake and need to fix it.

If I made such a story, the conclusion would be bleak and the protagonist (if they survive) only learns to be more careful next time. It would seem like there's no character development, but the subtly of how they conduct their future business would be the 'change' that develops them into a better con-artist. Maybe even inspire them to hunt for bigger game, like other con-artists and inherit their tools due to the confidence of destroying an opponent of their own game.

...But wait, why am I talking about this? This thread is only about some guy applying basement dweller logic to luring victims, err, women into his lair. Hmmmm...
Existence actually has two broad meanings despite its apparent meaningless. The constant reconciliation of all its parts, and the conservation of any closed system as a whole.

Morality can be extrapolated from these meanings to make these two commandments of godless morality: 1). Be in harmony with one another and 2). Care for the environment.

Offline ProfessorFarnsworth

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Re: How to get a smokin' hot girlfriend.
« Reply #22 on: March 04, 2012, 08:21:39 PM »
Now there's another story, a geeky basement dweller envision creating a perfect woman by collecting women victims to butcher and assemble their body parts to build his dream girl. He happens to be interested in applications of forensics and cybernetics and attempts to smuggle parts from his work place (in which he's a security guard of a place that deals with cybernetics, intentional as he falsified his history to get the job) to help preserve and eventually manipulate the flesh into a functional person. The FBI gets concerned at the recent abductions of women in the city and begins to investigate contacts and clues for who is doing this and why. Eventually it all connects to this guy and when they raid the house, they find a severely mutilated woman working in the kitchen acting rather retarded and docile (but has some level of thought and personality). Upon further investigating, they find his corpse in the basement with a needled helmet on his head with a error message on the computer saying an array of errors. Turns out he attempted augmented his own mind into this dream girl and horrendously failed as the source code he had was deliberately flawed by it's inventor to generate errors during the process (as the inventor was worried about foreign interests stealing his ideas, and rightly so as chinese biotech firms have successfully reanimated dead monkeys using cybernetics, but the monkey's were merely brain dead puppets. However while it was sabotaged, the code wasn't entire complete either as it couldn't entirely transfer information, only some of it, but would have yielded a slightly better result without errors).

The FBI lead investigations into the company the guy worked for and discover that this company was conduct highly unethical experiments with live subjects. They get shut down publicly and are blamed for this guy's work as a cover to make the thing blow over. The FBI is taken off the case to chase up remaining scientists when the NSA declares this incident as a potential threat to national security. But in secret, the scientists are now working for the DoD, and as for the 'dream girl', the NSA seizes her after the investigation, handing her over to the DoD and study every detail of the work. Turns out this basement dweller rent-a-cop has successfully tested a theoretical application of cybernetics that was thought too difficult and impractical to attempt. The 'dream girl' is destroyed, studied bit by bit and in several years, government agencies begin to abduct key individuals and literally rewrite a person's brain to make them more agreeable to their interests, even reanimate fresh corpses of solders who die in battle. All this because a basement dweller's dream to live as a dream girl he envisioned, and inadvertently gave the cybernetics industry a proof of concept leading to a disturbing future where not even death saves you from slavery.

Heh, that reads more like a future creepypasta.

I could write strange and/or ridiculous stories all day. :laugh:
« Last Edit: March 04, 2012, 08:26:23 PM by ProfessorFarnsworth »
Existence actually has two broad meanings despite its apparent meaningless. The constant reconciliation of all its parts, and the conservation of any closed system as a whole.

Morality can be extrapolated from these meanings to make these two commandments of godless morality: 1). Be in harmony with one another and 2). Care for the environment.

Offline Squidusa

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Re: How to get a smokin' hot girlfriend.
« Reply #23 on: March 04, 2012, 08:37:43 PM »
Now there's another story, a geeky basement dweller envision creating a perfect woman by collecting women victims to butcher and assemble their body parts to build his dream girl. He happens to be interested in applications of forensics and cybernetics and attempts to smuggle parts from his work place (in which he's a security guard of a place that deals with cybernetics, intentional as he falsified his history to get the job) to help preserve and eventually manipulate the flesh into a functional person. The FBI gets concerned at the recent abductions of women in the city and begins to investigate contacts and clues for who is doing this and why. Eventually it all connects to this guy and when they raid the house, they find a severely mutilated woman working in the kitchen acting rather retarded and docile (but has some level of thought and personality). Upon further investigating, they find his corpse in the basement with a needled helmet on his head with a error message on the computer saying an array of errors. Turns out he attempted augmented his own mind into this dream girl and horrendously failed as the source code he had was deliberately flawed by it's inventor to generate errors during the process (as the inventor was worried about foreign interests stealing his ideas, and rightly so as chinese biotech firms have successfully reanimated dead monkeys using cybernetics, but the monkey's were merely brain dead puppets. However while it was sabotaged, the code wasn't entire complete either as it couldn't entirely transfer information, only some of it, but would have yielded a slightly better result without errors).

The FBI lead investigations into the company the guy worked for and discover that this company was conduct highly unethical experiments with live subjects. They get shut down publicly and are blamed for this guy's work as a cover to make the thing blow over. The FBI is taken off the case to chase up remaining scientists when the NSA declares this incident as a potential threat to national security. But in secret, the scientists are now working for the DoD, and as for the 'dream girl', the NSA seizes her after the investigation, handing her over to the DoD and study every detail of the work. Turns out this basement dweller rent-a-cop has successfully tested a theoretical application of cybernetics that was thought too difficult and impractical to attempt. The 'dream girl' is destroyed, studied bit by bit and in several years, government agencies begin to abduct key individuals and literally rewrite a person's brain to make them more agreeable to their interests, even reanimate fresh corpses of solders who die in battle. All this because a basement dweller's dream to live as a dream girl he envisioned, and inadvertently gave the cybernetics industry a proof of concept leading to a disturbing future where not even death saves you from slavery.

Heh, that reads more like a future creepypasta.

I could write strange and/or ridiculous stories all day. :laugh:

You should make a thread where you write things like this , it's interesting.  :)
I'll just diagnose myself as Goddess of the Universe and have done with it. Hell with autism!  :green: :zoinks:

nice is just something written on biscuits.  

Offline Phallacy

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Re: How to get a smokin' hot girlfriend.
« Reply #24 on: March 06, 2012, 09:21:23 AM »
After watching this video for three seconds, I think I found out who he really is. :orly:



midlifeaspie

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Re: How to get a smokin' hot girlfriend.
« Reply #25 on: March 06, 2012, 09:53:39 AM »
After watching this video for three seconds, I think I found out who he really is. :orly:

You know all the YouTube nerds on sight?

Offline Phallacy

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Re: How to get a smokin' hot girlfriend.
« Reply #26 on: March 06, 2012, 10:51:23 AM »
After watching this video for three seconds, I think I found out who he really is. :orly:

You know all the YouTube nerds on sight?

I didn't say that right. I meant to say "I think that xXMysteriousManXx is PeterDorr".