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Author Topic: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR  (Read 16234 times)

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Offline Lestat

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #345 on: August 05, 2018, 12:32:13 PM »
Fucks sake, just leave this thread to QV, and leave the bellendery out of it, QV/PR can outdo the lot of us with obscene jokes, never mind the feuding.
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Beyond the pale. Way, way beyond the pale.

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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #346 on: August 06, 2018, 10:28:31 AM »
Walking past a veterinary clinic, a woman noticed a small boy and his dog waiting outside.
 
‘Are you here to see Dr Meyer?’ she asked.

‘Yes,’ the boy said. ‘I’m having my dog put in neutral.’
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #347 on: August 07, 2018, 11:04:22 AM »
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “Whatcha doing, Tim?”

“My goldfish died,” replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. “And I’ve just buried him.”

The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat.”
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #348 on: August 09, 2018, 11:22:32 AM »
Little boy to mother: “Mommy, can I go swimming?”

Mother: “Certainly not. The sea’s too rough, there’s a terrible rip tide and a dangerous offshore current, and I’ve heard this coast is infested with jellyfish and sharks.”

Little boy: “But Daddy went swimming!”

Mother: “I know, but he has excellent life insurance.”
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #349 on: August 10, 2018, 10:56:08 AM »
... After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.

Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Calandale

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #350 on: August 10, 2018, 06:45:44 PM »
Oh shit, I like the medicine ball.
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Offline Yuri Bezmenov

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #351 on: August 10, 2018, 06:51:04 PM »
Quote from: Queen Victoria on August 03, 2018, 10:19:08 AM
One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "Texas A & M."

:scratchhead:
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Offline Minister Of Silly Walks

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #352 on: August 10, 2018, 07:55:51 PM »
A man walks into a bar with a box. The barman says: "Free drink if you show me what's in the box". "OK" he says, and opens it, revealing a mini-pianist. "Where did you get that?" says the barman. " I've got a magic ring. Rub it, and it grants a wish," says the man. "Let me have a go for another free drink." The barman rubs it and 1,000 ducks run in. "I didn't ask for that!" screams the barman. "I wanted a 1,000 bucks!" "Well, do you think I asked for a 12in-pianist?"
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“When men oppress their fellow men, the oppressor ever finds, in the character of the oppressed, a full justification for his oppression.” Frederick Douglass

Offline Al Swearegen

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #353 on: August 10, 2018, 10:43:31 PM »
Quote from: Minister of silly walks on August 10, 2018, 07:55:51 PM
A man walks into a bar with a box. The barman says: "Free drink if you show me what's in the box". "OK" he says, and opens it, revealing a mini-pianist. "Where did you get that?" says the barman. " I've got a magic ring. Rub it, and it grants a wish," says the man. "Let me have a go for another free drink." The barman rubs it and 1,000 ducks run in. "I didn't ask for that!" screams the barman. "I wanted a 1,000 bucks!" "Well, do you think I asked for a 12in-pianist?"

No.
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I2 today is not i2 of yesteryear. It is a knitting circle. Those that participate be they nice or asshats know their place and the price to be there. Odeon is the overlord

.Benevolent if you toe the line.

Think it is I2 of old? Even Odeon is not so delusional as to think otherwise. He may on occasionally pretend otherwise but his base is that knitting circle.

Censoring/banning/restricting/moderating myself, Calanadale & Scrapheap were all not his finest moments.

How to apologise to Scrap

Offline Minister Of Silly Walks

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #354 on: August 10, 2018, 11:27:12 PM »
Quote from: Alex DeLarge on August 10, 2018, 06:51:04 PM
Quote from: Queen Victoria on August 03, 2018, 10:19:08 AM
One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "Texas A & M."

:scratchhead:

I didn't get it right away either Pappy.

Once you get it you'll piss yourself laughing though.
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“When men oppress their fellow men, the oppressor ever finds, in the character of the oppressed, a full justification for his oppression.” Frederick Douglass

Offline Calandale

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #355 on: August 10, 2018, 11:49:56 PM »
Must be a football joke.
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Offline Minister Of Silly Walks

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #356 on: August 11, 2018, 12:08:08 AM »
Quote from: Calandale on August 10, 2018, 11:49:56 PM
Must be a football joke.

It's a laundry joke.
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“When men oppress their fellow men, the oppressor ever finds, in the character of the oppressed, a full justification for his oppression.” Frederick Douglass

Offline Yuri Bezmenov

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #357 on: August 11, 2018, 01:32:32 AM »
Quote from: Minister of silly walks on August 10, 2018, 11:27:12 PM
Quote from: Alex DeLarge on August 10, 2018, 06:51:04 PM
Quote from: Queen Victoria on August 03, 2018, 10:19:08 AM
One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "Texas A & M."

:scratchhead:

I didn't get it right away either Pappy.

Once you get it you'll piss yourself laughing though.

It's an Aggie joke that isn't very funny.   :facepalm2:

You're not from here, I highly doubt you'd get Aggie jokes.
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Offline Calandale

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #358 on: August 11, 2018, 01:40:18 AM »
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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #359 on: August 11, 2018, 10:13:39 AM »
Quote from: Calandale on August 10, 2018, 06:45:44 PM
Oh shit, I like the medicine ball.


 :clap:
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:
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