Start here > What's your crime? Basic Discussion
GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
Queen Victoria:
Erich Honnecker (the president of East Germany) was invited to Moscow
by Gorbachev for a visit. After weeks of preparation by Gorby,
Honnecker arrives in Moscow. As part of of celebration activities,
there is a big parade through the streets of Moscow.
While the two are watching the parade, Gorbachev takes a small boy
aside and asks him, "Who is your mother?" The child replies, "Mother
Russia." "And who is your father?" asks Gorbachev. The boy answers,
"Why, it's you Uncle Gorbachev!" Finally Gorbachev asks the boy, "and
what do you want to be when you grow up?" The boy proudly replies,
"a good communist!"
Erich Honnecker, meanwhile, has been watching this and is very
impressed. So impressed, that he decides to invite Gorbachev to
[East] Berlin for a visit. Again, after weeks of preparation,
Gorbachev's plane lands in Berlin. And again, part of the celebration
includes a parade.
Remembering what Gorbachev did in Moscow, Honnecker repeats the scene:
He asks a little boy in the crowd, "Who is your mother?" The child
replies "the GDR [German Democratic Republic-East Germany]." "And
who is your father?" asks Honnecker. "Why, it's you Uncle Honnecker!"
replies the child. "And what do you want to be when you grow up?"
queries Honnecker. Without hesitation, the boy replies, "an orphan."
odeon:
^I remember a few variations on that one.
Queen Victoria:
It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot in life. There was an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen.
The elephant complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a total fool!"
The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick up food, drink, and water without getting wet!"
Next the giraffe complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy, I get terrible neck pains, and people point and laugh at me!"
The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a fair distance."
Then, the hen spoke up. "Lord, I don't want to complain, but either let me have a bigger ass or smaller eggs."
Yuri Bezmenov:
I was watching an Australian cooking show where the chef cooked some meringue. When he was done the audience clapped. This struck me as kinda odd because I was under the impression that Australians usually boo meringue.
renaeden:
I love meringue. Crap, now I have a craving for it.
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