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GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
Queen Victoria:
I thought I'd share some clean joke just to lighten the mood. I"ll be going through some humour/joke books I have so there may be a theme for a while until I get onto the next chapter.
A kindergartner student came to class and proudly announced, "We have a new baby at our house." The teacher asked , "A little sister?" "No." "So you have a baby brother!" The girls face fell and she said, "Somebody told you."
Another kindergartner raced ino school and said, :My mother just had a new baby and it was born too soon, so they put it in the percolator."
Does anyone know what you call five babies born at once? One little girl said, "Giblets."
Gopher Gary:
Oh! Oh! I want to play. :orly: I think everyone should have at least one joke, so they can whip it out in an emergency, in case the need for a joke telling should happen to come up. This is my emergency joke telling joke. I prefer to tell it person, because I like to get into character. So just imagine me fanning myself with whatever is handy as an impromptu fan prop, and understand that I perform an excellent southern drawl. :green:
There's three young southern belles sitting on the veranda, sipping mint juleps, and bragging about how much their fathers love them and dote on them.
The first girl says: My daddy, he loves me so much, he bought me a fur coat.
The second girl says: Hmph.
And the third girls says: That's nice.
The second girls says: My daddy, he loves me so much, he bought me a diamond ring.
The first girl says: Hmph.
And the third girl says: That's nice.
They sit there for a minute or two, until they can't stand it anymore.
Then the first and second girl ask the third girl: Well, what did your daddy do for you?
The third girl says: My daddy, he loves me so much, he sent me to charm school. Now I don't say fuck you no more. I just say, that's nice.
Queen Victoria:
A four year old girl proudly told the class how she helped her mother, "I bring her her nightgown in the mornings."
After listening to another girl boast about all the presents her daddy bought her, another child told the class, "I don't have a daddy. None of us kids have a daddy. Mymom just had to get her children the best way she could."
After a family reunion: Last Sunday we had this big family party and my grandma drank so much beer that she fainted.
'
Lestat:
One I heard on family guy and about the ONLY clean joke I know:
What are the three rings of marriage?
The engagement ring.
The wedding ring.
And the suffer-ring.
All the other jokes I know are filthy, extremely offensive, innuendo-laden, racist, or all of the above.
Althogh I know ONE other cleanish joke.
A pretty girl walks into a cocktail bar and asks for an innuendo. So the barkeep gives her one.
Afraid that is about as clean as I can tell without a christmas cracker to hand, Yeah, I confess, my reservoir of jokes are near universally offensive and profane in the extreme and not uncommonly heretical either :P
Fun With Matches:
I guess this would count, it made me lol!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gEThDCtrj4
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