Oh jeese, sometimes I really wish I was not an NT. These fuckn emotions.. I applogize to my dad and my eyes almost water. I misunderstanding with my girlfriend and same thing. Ginseng at other stimulants at very high doses makes me mean and irritable. My girlfriend and are getting engaged as soon as possible. I bought her a $100 engagement ring on clearance for $30 at walmart, and no comments because I will get her a better one when I have more money. The ring does have real diamonds in it, and the diamonds are in the flower head. Its a closed loop where one end is bend up and the other bent down. I counted 11 petals on the flower, and my girlfriend said "cool".
Meds now... I am not delusional or too much of fuck face to admit a weakness. I admited I have a truama disorder didn't I? My clinincal social worker said that there was no med that could help my overstimulation issue, and any abilify (anitpsychotic) would do more harm than good. These were observations he made from a report that came from Butler hosptal. In there I was on zoloft and risperadal with what looked like to me of no use. Risperadal caused some weight gain, and they switched me over to paxil. He also said the psychiatrist does not know me very well. Another time he also said a stimulant would be what he thought would work, but the side effects are too much especially with me being sensitive. I don't feel the need for any medication, and I do agree with what the clinical social worker said almost.
I think this so called autistic process is all in my head, a truama issue. We will see now won't we? We he is done using emdr and such we will see if there is indeed any autistic process left. I do see that no one else got post truamatic stress disorder from their upbringing and recongizie this disorder as an overwhelming amount of stress. If I do did infact have some form of autism that would make a set of circumstance I have faced cause me to get post truamatic stress disorder. I have no shame in admiting it if I see so because its about unfair cards. I am all all that I can be right now anyway. I also see that I have lost my sensory issue, and that is not supposed to happen with any form of autism. When I was a baby my mom touch was resisted, but she said I gave in. Maybe I used to have it but it got better for some reason. I used to hate music, but I just started liking it. Well whatever, just to be on the safe side I try to be as healthy as possible as to reduce whatever is going on. I supply antiautism nutrients in as has as amount I can possibly afford. For example, essential fatty acids were recomended for brain health, and I do take fish oil and borage seed oil. Indeed I have grown fuctionally over the years with no adjustment to healthier lifestyle. Strange indeed, and rather intresting.
