"Xylophone is spelled in 'X'. That's wrong. Xylophone...zzzz...'X'. I don't fucking see it! It should be a 'Z' up front. Next time you have to spell Xylophone, use a 'Z'. If someone says, 'Hey, that's wrong!' Say, 'No it ain't!' If you think that's wrong, then you need to have your head Z-Rayed. It's like 'X' didn't have enough to do, so they had to promise it more. Okay, you won't start a lot of words, but we will give you a cool starring role in Tic-Tac-Toe. And you will be acquainted with hugs and kisses. And you will mark the spot. And you will make writing Christmas easier. And incidentally, you will start Xylophone. Are you happy you fucking 'X'?" -Mitch Hedberg
"Is she gone yet?"