Questions for Callaway

[Callaway]

Is it customery to respond to or acknowledge someone when they interrupt you, tell you to do something, and then stand there as if they are waiting for some kind of response?

I don't know.

I think it would depend on who it was, what they told you to do, and how they told you.

If it was your boss interrupting your non-work-related conversation at the water cooler, telling you to take on a project, then I would say you should definitely acknowledge him/her.

If it were your child interrupting your conversation with an adult by asking you for the eleventh time to give her a cookie when you have already told her ten times, "No cookies before dinner," then I would say it might be best to ignore her.

[Trigger 11]

Is it customery to respond to or acknowledge someone when they interrupt you, tell you to do something, and then stand there as if they are waiting for some kind of response?

I don't know.

I think it would depend on who it was, what they told you to do, and how they told you.

If it was your boss interrupting your non-work-related conversation at the water cooler, telling you to take on a project, then I would say you should definitely acknowledge him/her.

If it were your child interrupting your conversation with an adult by asking you for the eleventh time to give her a cookie when you have already told her ten times, "No cookies before dinner," then I would say it might be best to ignore her.

What if it is the 'ol ball and chain? I actually do this for everyone. It's not that I don't listen and note what is being asked of me, but I am not one to waste energy and whatnot on acknowledgement, etc. It really drives my kids crazy, because I cannot get them to realize that I am listening even though I didn't say, "What?" when they said "Daddy! Daddy!" I can't get them to realize people don't have to be looking at you to listen either. I guess this is somewhat of an Aspie thing, but the way the 'ol ball and chain handles it is to scream and yell and call me names. If I didn't pay attention and eventually do what was asked of me then I could sort of understand, but that is not the case.

[Callaway]

Is it customery to respond to or acknowledge someone when they interrupt you, tell you to do something, and then stand there as if they are waiting for some kind of response?

I don't know.

I think it would depend on who it was, what they told you to do, and how they told you.

If it was your boss interrupting your non-work-related conversation at the water cooler, telling you to take on a project, then I would say you should definitely acknowledge him/her.

If it were your child interrupting your conversation with an adult by asking you for the eleventh time to give her a cookie when you have already told her ten times, "No cookies before dinner," then I would say it might be best to ignore her.

What if it is the 'ol ball and chain? I actually do this for everyone. It's not that I don't listen and note what is being asked of me, but I am not one to waste energy and whatnot on acknowledgement, etc. It really drives my kids crazy, because I cannot get them to realize that I am listening even though I didn't say, "What?" when they said "Daddy! Daddy!" I can't get them to realize people don't have to be looking at you to listen either. I guess this is somewhat of an Aspie thing, but the way the 'ol ball and chain handles it is to scream and yell and call me names. If I didn't pay attention and eventually do what was asked of me then I could sort of understand, but that is not the case.

I think that you are supposed to acknowledge the children when they are asking for something appropriately, otherwise your lack of response will encourage them to resort to inappropriate behavior to get your attention and their mom is modeling inappropriate behavior for them, unfortunately.  Even if the answer is "No," or "No cookies before dinner," or "OK, but in a few minutes," they still need to hear it.

I think that you and the kids will have a happier life at home if you also acknowledge it when your wife talks to you, just so at least she knows you heard her, even if the answer is "No."

[Trigger 11]

Is it customery to respond to or acknowledge someone when they interrupt you, tell you to do something, and then stand there as if they are waiting for some kind of response?

I don't know.

I think it would depend on who it was, what they told you to do, and how they told you.

If it was your boss interrupting your non-work-related conversation at the water cooler, telling you to take on a project, then I would say you should definitely acknowledge him/her.

If it were your child interrupting your conversation with an adult by asking you for the eleventh time to give her a cookie when you have already told her ten times, "No cookies before dinner," then I would say it might be best to ignore her.

What if it is the 'ol ball and chain? I actually do this for everyone. It's not that I don't listen and note what is being asked of me, but I am not one to waste energy and whatnot on acknowledgement, etc. It really drives my kids crazy, because I cannot get them to realize that I am listening even though I didn't say, "What?" when they said "Daddy! Daddy!" I can't get them to realize people don't have to be looking at you to listen either. I guess this is somewhat of an Aspie thing, but the way the 'ol ball and chain handles it is to scream and yell and call me names. If I didn't pay attention and eventually do what was asked of me then I could sort of understand, but that is not the case.

I think that you are supposed to acknowledge the children when they are asking for something appropriately, otherwise your lack of response will encourage them to resort to inappropriate behavior to get your attention and their mom is modeling inappropriate behavior for them, unfortunately.  Even if the answer is "No," or "No cookies before dinner," or "OK, but in a few minutes," they still need to hear it.

I think that you and the kids will have a happier life at home if you also acknowledge it when your wife talks to you, just so at least she knows you heard her, even if the answer is "No."

I guess everything is my fault!  Social norms suck! 

[SleepyDragon]

I've got the opposite problem, Trig. I'll be staring at the computer screen, and one of the kids will speak to me, and I'll go, "Yeah, yeah, sure, fine, whatever. Now get outta here," and then later I'll learn that I've agreed to, say, let half-a-dozen teenage boys sleep over for the weekend at our house. Maybe I should change my script? "Absolutely not! Out of the question!" or maybe, "Go see what your dad has to say."

How NT is the rest of your family? Maybe they're not picking up on the non-verbal cues you are sending out. Perhaps you could establish a set of hand signals or gestures. My kids are teaching me new ones all the time.

[Trigger 11]

^ I can do the same thing with regards to just saying, "Yeah, sure...whatever!" Fortunately, I have yet to miss what was being asked so no teenage boys spending the night.

Callaway,

Am I crazy to be intrigued so much by complex and complicated puzzles?

Am I completely clueless?

What did I miss?

What is my point?

Thanks,

Trigger11

[RageBeoulve]

I take a more negative view than you guys on this kind of stuff. If someone is having a problem with something I said, I tell them to shut the fuck up usually.

I also keep the social interaction to a minimum. It reduces the chances of a fuckup.

[Trigger 11]

I take a more negative view than you guys on this kind of stuff. If someone is having a problem with something I said, I tell them to shut the fuck up usually.

I also keep the social interaction to a minimum. It reduces the chances of a fuckup.

You can't really do that with young children and if you do that with a partner, you will likely cause way more distress for yourself. At times, some form of attachment or caring exists and a desire to not hurt them, while also being understood, is desperately hoped for.

[Callaway]

^ I can do the same thing with regards to just saying, "Yeah, sure...whatever!" Fortunately, I have yet to miss what was being asked so no teenage boys spending the night.

Callaway,

Am I crazy to be intrigued so much by complex and complicated puzzles?

Am I completely clueless?

What did I miss?

What is my point?

Thanks,

Trigger11

I don't think that you are crazy or completely clueless at all.

I think that maybe you have more problems that I do formulating a response to questions or requests from your children or your spouse.

You are right that you can't give Rage's response to your children unless you want to have them imitating that behavior, which I don't think you would, and giving it to your wife would tick her off and you and your children would suffer for it.

[Trigger 11]

I just looked at myself in the mirror. Something I rarely do. Why do I always look stoned?

[Callaway]

Your eyes look unfocused?

[Trigger 11]

Half open and dazed. It's a good thing I wear all the time in public. Whenever I interact with law enforcement, they want to tell me I am stoned or on something.

[Callaway]

Half open and dazed. It's a good thing I wear all the time in public. Whenever I interact with law enforcement, they want to tell me I am stoned or on something.

They are probably dazzled by the light.  I mean you do wear sunglasses for a good reason.

[TheoK]

Pigs are cowards and oppressors and deserve lead therapy.

[WolFish]

ON BEHALF OF YOUR KID AND EVERYONE YOU'VE HELPED AND SUPPORTED: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!