update: nathan the nice neighbour (NNN?) hasn't seen hide nor hair of it, although we a good laugh when i phoned to ask him. just as well neither of us is the embarrassed kind, eh? 
Er, what did you say to him, exactly? "Hi, Nathan, it's me. Did you happen to pocket my vibrator, thinking it was a lighter?" 
more or less, yes. except i described it first, and when he asked me what it was, i asked him if he really wanted to know, and then we both laughed.
so where the fuck is the bastard thing?!!
suggestions welcome, and no, it isn't stuck up my cunt and forgotten, thank you. 
I didn't take it. Promise.
i know that, silly - i've, er, looked at it since you were here.
