Author Topic: I Pee Standing Up  (Read 2986 times)

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Offline alexismylovechild

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I Pee Standing Up
« on: April 13, 2006, 09:14:24 AM »
I'm a woman. Mrs Plank to be correct. And that's right, I can pee standing up. Gorillas squat. Not me. Not your high intune ultra-modernistic feminist geniuses like I. I guess the first time I refused to squat, that was the first time I truly realised that I wanted to be a man. And not just any man. I wanted to have an operation to turn myself into "Prince". I wanted to get his skin grafted to my face and have my vocal removed and replaced with an I-Pods playing his greatest tunes. And purple. Oh how I love purple. Alas, when I went to the doctors they told me my health care wouldn't cover it and that it was scientifically impossible to do so and that Prince would never allow me to scrape off his flesh with a potato peeler. That's the fascist government for you! I say bring back the great men who made this country what it is. Taft. Chester A. Arthur. McKinley, before he was shot. And assorted others. These were the pioneers who travelled over the Mississippi and discovered the Chinese and Gays living in San Fransisco. In fact, Chester A. Arthur wore fishnet stockings beneath his dress. And that's why I carved his face next to the Beatles at Mount Rushmore. Sure John Lennon, John Harrison and Paul McCartney are dead, but Ringo Starr can manage a reunion tour all on his own.

So I say, next time you go to vote at your country's election and you're locked inside the voting cubicle and you realise you're standing in a wet substance, remember just one thing: I pee standing up.

God bless you all! And Buddha says hi too!

Offline Leto729

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Re: I Pee Standing Up
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2006, 10:47:47 AM »
Welcome alexismylovechild to Intensitysquared.
Guardian of the Empire

Offline McGiver

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Re: I Pee Standing Up
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2006, 02:40:41 PM »
hello.
my guess is Bland.
and i've just awoken.
Misunderstood.

duncvis

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Re: I Pee Standing Up
« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2006, 02:46:24 PM »
It isn't Bland McJ, this is an Australian - my moneys on Sanityisoverrated, or maybe Majestic.  :P

Offline McGiver

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Re: I Pee Standing Up
« Reply #4 on: April 13, 2006, 02:57:46 PM »
oh good.

they will provide much more long term enjoyment than Bland would.
i'll be happy with either.


i kinda suck with that whole ip address thingymabob.
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Eamonn

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Re: I Pee Standing Up
« Reply #5 on: April 13, 2006, 03:02:02 PM »
Alex is a big cheese. You are on dial-up. If you are in any way related to alex, he is ashamed of you and trying to hide your existence.

Offline El

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Re: I Pee Standing Up
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2006, 05:34:37 PM »
Yes, but do you remember to put the lid back down?
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Postperson

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Re: I Pee Standing Up
« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2006, 05:42:02 PM »
Defintitely NOT bland. Not a woman. Could be Sanityisoverrated, he is a funny guy and one of the few that make me laugh. could be majestic, don't know his posting style as well. they're the only aussies with a sense of humour that I know of from WP. Welcome funny aussie guy.

Offline McGiver

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Re: I Pee Standing Up
« Reply #8 on: April 13, 2006, 07:33:51 PM »
Gallileo Ace?

he is witty, sometimes.
we'll know if we start a pictures thread, he cannot resist the urge.
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Postperson

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Re: I Pee Standing Up
« Reply #9 on: April 13, 2006, 11:05:46 PM »
dunno....I don't think it's Sanity now because I've just looked at all the latest posts by this person and I don't think it's his style. That leaves Majestic or uh yeah I believe GA has demonstrated wit somewhere sometime, I just never encountered it much.

Here's today's lot by our Mystery poster.


1     Politics, Mature and taboo / Dunc's Sin Bin- (members exclusive) / Re: mcjaggers guilty pleasure    on: Today at 01:22:24
That's one hell of a nice red couch. Furniture is my guilty pleasure too. Sometimes when I'm alone... oh, I can't believe I'm going to say this... sometimes when I'm alone I like to... move my bookshelf...

I'm a naughty girl.
   
2     Start here / What's your crime-Basic discussion / Re: Hand over the site to Alex Plank    on: Today at 01:18:30
Hmm... well he's always looking for new webpages to maintain a fascist stranglehold over... I'll bring it up at our Heroin Addicts Anonymous meeting tomorrow night.
   
3     Start here / M.O.-Introductions / I Pee Standing Up    on: Today at 01:14:24
I'm a woman. Mrs Plank to be correct. And that's right, I can pee standing up. Gorillas squat. Not me. Not your high intune ultra-modernistic feminist geniuses like I. I guess the first time I refused to squat, that was the first time I truly realised that I wanted to be a man. And not just any man. I wanted to have an operation to turn myself into "Prince". I wanted to get his skin grafted to my face and have my vocal removed and replaced with an I-Pods playing his greatest tunes. And purple. Oh how I love purple. Alas, when I went to the doctors they told me my health care wouldn't cover it and that it was scientifically impossible to do so and that Prince would never allow me to scrape off his flesh with a potato peeler. That's the fascist government for you! I say bring back the great men who made this country what it is. Taft. Chester A. Arthur. McKinley, before he was shot. And assorted others. These were the pioneers who travelled over the Mississippi and discovered the Chinese and Gays living in San Fransisco. In fact, Chester A. Arthur wore fishnet stockings beneath his dress. And that's why I carved his face next to the Beatles at Mount Rushmore. Sure John Lennon, John Harrison and Paul McCartney are dead, but Ringo Starr can manage a reunion tour all on his own.

So I say, next time you go to vote at your country's election and you're locked inside the voting cubicle and you realise you're standing in a wet substance, remember just one thing: I pee standing up.

God bless you all! And Buddha says hi too!
   
4     Continue Here: members of the community / Bitch about it / Re: Alex is full of himself    on: Today at 01:02:29
Please leave my alex alone. Now, he may not be the brightest boy, or the most good looking, or the most talented, or the most truthful, but what he lacks in talent he certainly makes up for in effort.

By the way, Alex wanted me to announce to you that if there are any young attractive females on this webpage, then please email me your photos (standard 5' by 7' headshot is fine) so I can approve you for the first date with him. Oh and please make your cheques out to "Cash" as we're having some minor problems with the IRS at the moment and we don't want them to find out about our little operation.
   
5     Continue Here: members of the community / Bug Reports / Re: Shout at duncvis    on: Today at 00:54:14
I think this forum's name's misleading. "Intensity". It's not intense. Please change it to "Mildly Engaging And Somewhat Interesting". I think this will increase your market share.
   
6     Start here / Rookie Refuge / Re: Help! It's scary here!    on: Today at 00:51:57
I hate noobs. Kill em all and let God sort'em out!
   
7     Start here / Rookie Refuge / What I Stand For    on: Today at 00:50:40
Bald men should wear bandanas like chemotherapy patients do. That way, no one would ever rip them off. How many cancer patients do you know who have been bludgeoned to death with a giant swordfish made out paper mache? None. That's how many.

Secondly, does anyone know when crucifixitions went out of style? I mean, did the fashion experts in the Roman Empire just go one day, "You know... the whole crucifix style is so 39 A.D. This season we want to see more castratrations, bring on the eunuchs!"

And does anyone else think that some musicians fake being blind just to get sympathy? I swear I saw Ray Charles driving a Ferrari down the street once. He only hit one mailman and a french poodle.

How come the olympic games aren't nude any more? Surely we can start with the female beach volleyballers.

Thanks you for your thirty second attention span. Please go back to your regular programming.

duncvis

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Re: I Pee Standing Up
« Reply #10 on: April 14, 2006, 03:02:41 AM »
There's a pattern here... I smell SOCK PUPPETRY  ;D

Postperson

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Re: I Pee Standing Up
« Reply #11 on: April 14, 2006, 03:23:29 AM »
I only know Maj thru reputation really, I never posted much in the same threads as him. I couldn't identify his writing style. Maybe some other Maj fanciers know the style.

Offline alexismylovechild

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Re: I Pee Standing Up
« Reply #12 on: April 21, 2006, 08:32:21 AM »
Alex is a big cheese. You are on dial-up. If you are in any way related to alex, he is ashamed of you and trying to hide your existence.

Alex isn't ashamed of me. He is ashamed of his father, Alex Senior. He marries old widows to steal their pensions. He was on A Current Affair once. You could see our house in one of the shots. Alex Senior likes the occassional drop of alcohol but most of the time he prefers heroin. He deals it to blind school children and tells them it's whiz fizz sugar candy. Oh and he only has one leg. We don't see much of each other any more. Every now and then we have casual sex with other invited couples, but that's just a 'no-strings-attached' thing. The blood test for DNA was positive, he definitely is his dad. I once thought I conceived him during a torrid affair with Richard Nixon, but no, apparently he was impotent. I didn't think I could conceive after starring in a Hollywood film called 'Gangbangers Prefer Blondes' but it turns out I only ruptured my spleen. I now have no immune system and could die if I caught the common cold. Thankfully I drink half a cup of placenta every morning to stay young and beautiful.

I must now return to the sacrificial chamber...

Blasted

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Re: I Pee Standing Up
« Reply #13 on: November 09, 2009, 11:09:35 AM »
I wish I could pee standing up  :(

Offline Callaway

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Re: I Pee Standing Up
« Reply #14 on: November 09, 2009, 11:42:21 AM »