Question

[Teejay]

I've been thinking lately about the experiences I have online with both aspie guys and gals. I noticed on average aspie guys are more socially clueless than aspie gals, I have yet to meet an aspie gal online who is as clueless socially as quite a few aspie guys, including myself to a degree. I suddenly remembered an article I read a while back, that might explain why. Well in our society guys make the first move in courtship and that gives aspie females on average an opportunity to less socially clueless than aspie guys, especially if like myself ain't the make the first type.

http://www.maapservices.org/MAAP_Sub_Find_It_-_Publications_Jerry_Newport_Article.htm

I do not want to make myself an an example of a very socially clueless aspie guy, because number one I have been extremely socially isolated all my life for various reasons extreme introversion, low self esteem, never being able to hold down a job for long being factors and number two I have gotten a lot less socially clueless as of late.

[odeon]

What was the question?

[purposefulinsanity]

I think that could go someway to explaining the differences, but I also wonder if its because of the nature of female friendships. Females, especially teenagers, seem to go more in for bitchiness and game playing than males, so perhaps female aspies have had to learn to cope with all that bullshit and so have had to develop more social skills.

[Teejay]

What was the question?

Sorry for not making it clearer before, but the question is.

Are male aspies on average more socially clueless than female aspies.

[Nomaken]

I believe the answer is:  We have no idea, and it would be difficult to find a study that has explored this or even put one together.

[odeon]

What was the question?

Sorry for not making it clearer before, but the question is.

Are male aspies on average more socially clueless than female aspies.

My experience suggests yes, they are.

[purposefulinsanity]

But is that a learnt ability or do you believe they are naturally more socially able?

[odeon]

I'd guess that it's a learnt ability. Girls are brought up very differently, society treats them differently, etc. But I'd also not rule out theories like "the extreme male brain".

[purposefulinsanity]

I also wonder that if because the online AS communitites tend to be so male-dominated that only the more socially able females feel comfortable getting involved? 

[Peter]

Males probably suffer from a self-perpetuating cycle.  They start off naturally a bit less socially able than the girls, and thus never quite get a toehold on the social ladder, and as a result are denied the oppertunity to learn, since that aspect of life largely passes them by, while the girls find it easier to break into it, and may even be drawn in by their peers, and thus find themselves in an environment that's more conducive to social learning.  There's also the tendency for girls to help each other more than boys do, and to converse more generally.

It wasn't until I was 16 that I started to have friends, and even then they weren't particularly close friends.  It's only in the past few years that I've developed really meaningful friendships and stopped being so embarrasingly inept at social stuff.

On a side note, for any guys wanting to develop their social skills, find a socially-savvy girl to be friends with (though that does require being socially able enough to make friends in the first place), who'll be happy to point out where you're screwing up and give you advice on how to improve things.  I've been lucky to have someone like that for the past 3 years, and it's made a definite difference.

[odeon]

I also wonder that if because the online AS communitites tend to be so male-dominated that only the more socially able females feel comfortable getting involved? 

Or that they have very different interests? Also, message boards can sound a lot like locker rooms.

[purposefulinsanity]

I also wonder that if because the online AS communitites tend to be so male-dominated that only the more socially able females feel comfortable getting involved? 

Or that they have very different interests? Also, message boards can sound a lot like locker rooms.

Yeah, that's what I was getting at.

[DirtDawg]

I also wonder that if because the online AS communitites tend to be so male-dominated that only the more socially able females feel comfortable getting involved? 

Or that they have very different interests? Also, message boards can sound a lot like locker rooms.

Yeah, that's what I was getting at.

I agree with the locker room simile, and I would expect that would exclude many weak younger boys, too.

[odeon]

I agree with the locker room simile, and I would expect that would exclude many weak younger boys, too.

Sure. In our case, it's somewhat intentional in that the members unilaterally decide the board's image. If they want it to sound like a locker room, it will. Consequently, everyone here needs to be an adult. We don't censor, we don't moderate.

The question is, should we do something about it? Can we do something about it? I, for one, would love to welcome more females, socially able or not. This place should be an enabler for all kinds of aspies, male and female.

[purposefulinsanity]

I agree that it would be good if the site was more attractive to a wider range of people but how do you think we could achieve this without censoring members?