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Author Topic: Insane Advice Thread  (Read 761 times)

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Offline ProfessorFarnsworth

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Re: Insane Advice Thread
« Reply #15 on: December 26, 2011, 10:55:55 PM »
Sometimes this one is tempting...
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Existence actually has two broad meanings despite its apparent meaningless. The constant reconciliation of all its parts, and the conservation of any closed system as a whole.

Morality can be extrapolated from these meanings to make these two commandments of godless morality: 1). Be in harmony with one another and 2). Care for the environment.

Offline ProfessorFarnsworth

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Re: Insane Advice Thread
« Reply #16 on: December 27, 2011, 08:23:02 PM »
Er, yeah, anyone else is welcome to spam this thread with insanity wolf or make up their own insane advice unless... I'm the only one crazy enough to be able to do it, HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
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Existence actually has two broad meanings despite its apparent meaningless. The constant reconciliation of all its parts, and the conservation of any closed system as a whole.

Morality can be extrapolated from these meanings to make these two commandments of godless morality: 1). Be in harmony with one another and 2). Care for the environment.

Offline Calavera

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Re: Insane Advice Thread
« Reply #17 on: December 28, 2011, 04:35:15 AM »
I'd do some, but I'm just not creative in this aspect. :cbc:
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Offline bodie

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Re: Insane Advice Thread
« Reply #18 on: December 28, 2011, 05:37:34 AM »
I caught my neighbour throwing mud at my dogs when they were barking,  what shall i do in return?
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Offline ProfessorFarnsworth

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Re: Insane Advice Thread
« Reply #19 on: December 28, 2011, 06:20:00 AM »
Quote from: bodaccea on December 28, 2011, 05:37:34 AM
I caught my neighbour throwing mud at my dogs when they were barking,  what shall i do in return?

Throw a live chicken through their window, and while they're trying to catch it, whack them over the head with a pipe. Now this is the most important part, slice their chest open, stomp on their heart repeatedly, tear it out and serve it to your dogs. Once they gotten the taste for human blood, send them to finish off the corpse.
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Existence actually has two broad meanings despite its apparent meaningless. The constant reconciliation of all its parts, and the conservation of any closed system as a whole.

Morality can be extrapolated from these meanings to make these two commandments of godless morality: 1). Be in harmony with one another and 2). Care for the environment.

Offline bodie

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Re: Insane Advice Thread
« Reply #20 on: December 28, 2011, 06:42:28 AM »
 :clap:  brilliant
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Offline ProfessorFarnsworth

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Re: Insane Advice Thread
« Reply #21 on: December 28, 2011, 06:49:54 AM »
"My neighbour shot fireworks into my backyard"
"They just declared war. Escalate arms race and deploy Molotov cock-tales at their house in retaliation, then invade their nation and slaughter the native population!"

"A dog keeps shitting on my lawn"
"Landmine that lawn and keep window wiper and soap bucket on standby for the 'results'."

"Someone I don't know has packed their car in my driveway and I want to go somewhere..."
"What the fuck you on about? that car is yours now, hot-wire that bitch and go out as planned."

"The postman keeps messing up my mail"
"Go postal, if you can't have good mail service, no-one can."

"I've been diagnosed as a psychopath while in custody for committing a serious crime"
"Congratulations, plea insanity and your new home will be much better than the jail cell you would have ended up in."

"My friend is holding out on me and has weed"
"Set him on fire and smoke on his ashes, that's some good shit."

"I have a drug problem, what should I do?"
"Do PCP and eat your own flesh while wrestling with the cops trying to stop you"

"I'm jealous of my ex-lover's financial success after we broke up"
"Let all their clients know of your own sick sexual fetish but replace 'you' with 'ex-lover'."

"I was listen to music during the night and the neighbour came over to complain"
"Play nyan cat from next dawn to dusk! Full blast, without mercy"

"I found out that I have terminal cancer, what should I do?"
"YOU'RE FREE TO DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WISH, bitches have nothing on you now, not even the law! Just remember, if you're dying soon, it'll be a short prison sentence."
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Existence actually has two broad meanings despite its apparent meaningless. The constant reconciliation of all its parts, and the conservation of any closed system as a whole.

Morality can be extrapolated from these meanings to make these two commandments of godless morality: 1). Be in harmony with one another and 2). Care for the environment.

Offline renaeden

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Re: Insane Advice Thread
« Reply #22 on: December 28, 2011, 09:29:19 PM »
"I was listen to music during the night and the neighbour came over to complain"
"Play nyan cat from next dawn to dusk! Full blast, without mercy"

:lol: That is cruel, heh.
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Offline 'andersom'

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Re: Insane Advice Thread
« Reply #23 on: December 30, 2011, 02:23:13 PM »
Dear professor, a 9 yo boy from next door, has the nasty habit of just barging in my home through the back-door, his 11 yo stepsister does the same.

They do so startle me, every time they do that.  :'(

What should I do?
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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: Insane Advice Thread
« Reply #24 on: December 30, 2011, 04:50:15 PM »
How do you handle a bi-polar personality?
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Offline ProfessorFarnsworth

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Re: Insane Advice Thread
« Reply #25 on: December 31, 2011, 02:09:15 AM »
Quote from: hykeaswell on December 30, 2011, 02:23:13 PM
Dear professor, a 9 yo boy from next door, has the nasty habit of just barging in my home through the back-door, his 11 yo stepsister does the same.

They do so startle me, every time they do that.  :'(

What should I do?

Place grenade next to door with tripwire on pin and wait for the bang. Or if it's easter, disguise said grenades as easter eggs and throw them over to their yard.

Quote from: Queen Victoria on December 30, 2011, 04:50:15 PM
How do you handle a bi-polar personality?

Split their skull in half with a axe and mash their brains with a hammer, eventually all the bits will all even out and they'll be mono-polar in no time.
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Existence actually has two broad meanings despite its apparent meaningless. The constant reconciliation of all its parts, and the conservation of any closed system as a whole.

Morality can be extrapolated from these meanings to make these two commandments of godless morality: 1). Be in harmony with one another and 2). Care for the environment.

Offline 'andersom'

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Re: Insane Advice Thread
« Reply #26 on: December 31, 2011, 04:31:24 AM »
Thank you.

Easter eggs it will be. I'll hide them strategically. I like a good easter fire.
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Quote from: DirtDawg on July 05, 2016, 01:04:21 AM
I can do upside down chocolate moo things!
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