Apparently the reasons why I was lonely in school was because people were "allegedly" afraid of me.
Who said that?
That might well have been true, mind.. no reflection on yourself. i was stunned and amused to find out that other girls at my school were afraid of my Aspie Death Stare. Once I knew that, I started using it to keep annoying people at a distance, and to hopefully give the bullies pause for thought. I wasn't exactly being mean, i just cou;dn't quite take that seriously. And you had to really get in my face for no good reason before i
deliberately turned the evil eye on you.
There's just no accounting for neurotypical superstitions, Gen. Some of the stuff I heard about myself had me falling about with laughter., it was all so left-of-field and ridiculous.
But the big take-home i got from all that (eventually) is this:
The more reserved you are, and the less you communicate you own feelings,and POV, the more you function as a great big blank projection screen for other folks' fears and fantasies, and the more a mythology grows around you, which bears no resemblance to
your experience. You can learn an awful lot about other peoples' inner worlds , by examining what they believe about
you, whilst you're quiet;y sitting in a corner. but neither you nor they will ever learn anything much about yourself that way.
You;re a spazz, So, i can easily believe that people were afraid of you, but i've no reason to think that's any reflection on
you. We spazzes are virtually invisible as people until we start tryting-and seriously succeeding - to communicate. We're just like those unexplored areas on old maps. 'Here be monsters".
Just bear in mind, Gen, that very few NTs are equipped with the requisite skill to be able to offer a genuinely objective perspective on anybody else (let alone us lot) . And if you think that they can and do, you'll be constantly hurt and perplexed ( At least, I certainly used to be)
