My Introduction Was Requested By PPK

[P7PSP]

I should just give up and be a vast waste, since that's obviously all I am. My doctor was the only one who thought otherwise, until he re-confirmed my autism diagnosis.    

Callaway is correct. Fuck that Dr, he is an uncompassionate POS. Feeling like shit from time to time is part of  life on the spectrum unfortunately, so you will have to deal with that. Don't let that Drs negativity screw with your interest in art.

[SleepyDragon]

Wishing you strength in getting through this difficult time, EquiisSavant.

[EquiisSavant]

If that doctor could so easily cast you away, then he is not worth the dirt on the bottom of your shoe, IMO.  Nobody who can draw and paint like you can could ever be a "vast waste".  What does your husband think of this doctor?  I think that you are already a better person than he will ever be.  

When did he confirm your autism diagnosis the first time and when did he re-confirm it?

Thank you for the kind, uplifting words, Callaway. My husband is very upset the doctor did this. My husband is very protective of my artwork. He cannot believe any doctor would abandon a patient with autism like this, make the "vast waste" comment, and fail to reinstate me as a patient knowing the extreme depression this has caused. I don't understand why the doctor would just cast me away like this, either, when he spent so much time cultivating such a special relationship for almost a year -- there were appx. 800 e-mails exchanged between us during that time. He knew he was one of the very few people I could actually communicate with in a non-computer format. He did 4 brain scans and never showed me a single one of them. He never explained very well three blood panels that were taken, either. My blood pressure was very high after my Jan. 08 TBI and rising at the point he abandoned me. I am very distressed over all of this.    

I had an infantile childhood autism diagnosis, that was adjudicated for adult child support in my parents divorce when I was was 14. My doctor tried numerous times in my opinion to reject that diagnosis or at least he seemed skeptical, but after some testing and the PET scan he had to re-confirm.

[EquiisSavant]

Wishing you strength in getting through this difficult time, EquiisSavant.

Thank you, SleepyDragon.

[EquiisSavant]

I should just give up and be a vast waste, since that's obviously all I am. My doctor was the only one who thought otherwise, until he re-confirmed my autism diagnosis.    

Callaway is correct. Fuck that Dr, he is an uncompassionate POS. Feeling like shit from time to time is part of  life on the spectrum unfortunately, so you will have to deal with that. Don't let that Drs negativity screw with your interest in art.

PPK, I'm trying my best to keep drawing and painting. It is very hard, because it is reminding me of my doctor. I was always sending him works in process and finished pieces, and he would make the most uplifting comments about them. It's like the only thing that makes all of this not hurt so bad is not to draw or paint. Everytime I try, I burst into tears all over again.

[Callaway]

EquiisSavant, I have been trying to make sense of what your doctor did and trying to reconcile his earlier actions with the later ones.

I know that patients have transference, but I wonder if something like that could have happened to your doctor?

I mean if they expressed inappropriate feelings for a patient, they could lose their license.

[EquiisSavant]

EquiisSavant, I have been trying to make sense of what your doctor did and trying to reconcile his earlier actions with the later ones.

I know that patients have transference, but I wonder if something like that could have happened to your doctor?

I mean if they expressed inappropriate feelings for a patient, they could lose their license.

Callaway, I understand the states and medical board think they can impose such a rule on doctors under the states' parens patrie power, but the issue is not so simple. There were several heated debate threads on one of the Nation's best legal forums about this very issue, and the majority of lawyers who clerked for US Courts of Appeals and US Supreme Court were almost all of the opinion such a rule cannot be sustained against either the US Constitution or some federal statutes.

This is because, as to the constitutional problem, there is a fundamental constitutional right for two people to have such a relationship and to associate. What that means is, the state is required to use the least restrictive means of getting at what it perceives to be the problem it seeks to regulate -- essentially, when you come down to it, undue influence. The law deals with undue influence in numerous other contexts (wills, vulnerable people, children over 14 but under 18, lawyers, accountants, etc.), so there is no reason to expect the law cannot do the same in the doctor-patient relationship context, as well. By imposing such an overbroad rule, the states and medical boards infringe on constitutionally protected activity -- what if there is a doctor-patient relationship that neither person views (and is not in fact) one of undue influence ? What is the harm ? From a legal standpoint, there is none. Whether the relationship is a deep emotional one or a deep friendship or one involving physical touch but not sex or even one involving sex, love, and/or marriage, is not from a constitutional standpoint relevant -- unless there is undue influence. It is possible for laws to be written to create rebuttable presumptions that unless people can prove X, certain relationship conduct is presumed to be undue influence. Then, in that case, the people need to rebut it. But as the rules are currently written, they impose a conclusive irrebuttable presumption, and such type of presumptions are in almost all cases unconstitutional. Florida has already lost on their doctor-patient rule once.

As for such a rule violating a federal statute, now you have a very interesting problem, because no one knows much about autism and Asperger's, but what we are learning is therapy is most helpful if it includes certain things to improve the emotional and social relationship cognition and functioning of the patients with ASC conditions. Therapies like oxytocin, weighted blankets, touching, relationship therapies, all things that are directly contrary to the current rule. Because of this, and because autism and Asperger's are covered disabilities under Title II of the Americans With Disabilities Act, to allow the states and medical board's rule to stand is to deprive this protected class of ASC people the very programs, activities, and services they need and require for the health, safety, and welfare of treating their condition -- i.e., overt unlawful discrimination targeted to the class. As such, the ADA's federal preemption statute would render such doctor-patient relationship rule void and unenforceable upon a person with standing to bring suit for declaratory and injunctive relief.

Now, suppose there is the person who is in a crisis without the relationship -- then an immediate injunction may well be available, e.g., where the rule imposes a breach of the relationship causing suicidal ideation or the patient does not have long to live or something such as that. I can even see such immediate relief applying where the doctor and patient want to marry, the patient has autism or Asperger's and is about to be abandoned on the streets to a certain deterioration in health or even death but where the relationship or marriage would provide a home and care for the ASC person -- and they both want to do this.

I have carefully read the Florida statute and case law, and what I see is the doctor and patient can have the feeling for each other and can even be living together; what they cannot do under the current rule is have a sexual relationship, and kissing is pretty iffy but not necessarily forbidden -- I have not found any case square on point in Florida saying kissing breaks the rule. Moreover, in Florida, the same rule that applies to doctors applies to dentists, and in the case of dentists, they only breach the rule if they use the doctor-patient relationship to induce the sexual relationship. If they do not do exactly this--"use ... to induce," then they can have a sexual relationship without breaking the rule.

But, if there is some question how the state and medical board might view the relationship that causes concern to the doctor, then there does not appear to be any issue having the relationship or even living together without sex, until such time as one or both of the people seek and obtain a declaratory court order allowing them to move the relationship into a sexual one. A declaratory should suffice, because if the state and medical board then violate the declaratory judgment, an injunction would be immediately available. It is also important to note that there are many lawyers out there who would vigorously litigate just such a case pro bono because it is a very significant issue and one most of these lawyers believe the states and medical board are dead wrong on. Moreover, both as to the fundamental constitutional right to have such a relationship and the statutory ADA rights, the state and medical board have the burden of proof to prove a compelling state interest and that no lesser restrictive alternative to get at the harm exists -- it is called strict scrutiny. This is very difficult for a state or medical board to prove and in almost every instance the state/entity will fail. But that does not stop the state and medical board from trying to scare the piss out of the doctor to cause irreparable harm to his patient.  

I think what you are referring to as to transference is the doctor's countertransference, although I suppose it is possible for a patient who has some understanding about psychology (innate or learned) to cause a transference to the doctor --whether intentional or unintentional. And, yes, I have thought maybe this did occur with my doctor, although I have not heard one thing from him since he abandoned me despite the utter devastation he knows he caused me that I cannot get over. So I don't know, but not a day goes by I am not struggling against extreme devastating depression over this. But the answer is not for the doctor to run away or devastate the patient -- and by doing so, maybe the doctor even devastates himself. If two people fall in love, then they fall in love and this is a fundamental constitutional right that federal law protects -- as does the ADA. If my doctor did feel this way about me, and he has abandoned the doctor-patient relationship, there is nothing the rule prohibits for him to now pick up and continue the relationship that is not at this point sexual. And even if both have a deep desire to make it sexual, I think two adults can certainly exercise restraint as to that desire until either the 2 years goes by under the existing rule or one or both obtain the court declaratory/and/or injunctive order nullifying the rule's two year period -- especially considering a consent divorce takes only appx. 30 days in Florida to enable the two people to marry each other.  

And let's also look at the extent of harm caused by imposing the rule vs not having any rule -- certainly the harm to a person with autism to the point it would make almost any autistic person suicidal to abandon the patient becuse of the rule is far more harm than whatever overbroad paternalism occurs by having such a conclusive irrebuttable rule. While the doctor and patient relationship is cloaked in fundamental constitutional right, just where is there any constitutional right for the state and medical board or some doctors who want to impose their will on everyone else (including other doctors and their patients) to do so ?

I understand my doctor caused transference with me, but what if the transference is part of why I would want a relationship with him or even to marry him ? I liked the transference. I liked a lot of other things about him, too -- everything, in fact. We all fall in love and marry for many different reasons -- do we suppose our constitution allows the states and medical board to start making lists of reasons people cannot marry ? How about if one of them is too tall or too fat or not caucasion or over age 30 ? The fact there is a transference may be cause for imposition of a rebuttable presumption rule, but not in itself cause for a blanket conclusive irrebuttable rule. What the harm really is, when you get to the bottom of it, is when the transference is used to exert undue influence. But if it is not, then where is the harm ?

Moreover, is there a power imbalance ? The doctor may be the doctor and have superior doctor training, but I am a law grad who can litigate and have superior legal training -- such a circumstance does not really suggest a power imbalance. Both are trained in a profession at about the same levels, just different professions.

I fell in love with my doctor from the first moment--before any transference, and, moreover, I actually debated this very issue more with a lawyer relationship in mind even before I met my doctor, see http://volokh.com/posts/1168045584.shtml, http://volokh.com/posts/1168298468.shtml, and http://volokh.com/posts/1169250598.shtml. That, in itself, would tend to be pretty certain proof the doctor did not use the doctor-patient relationship to induce a more romantic relationship with me, at least as between myself and him. I simply fell in love with him. Did he simply fall in love with me? If so, then it is simply, two people who fell in love -- no undue influence, no harm, but actually a huge benefit to both people.

I am also having a really hard time reconciling my doctor's earlier actions with later ones. And this devastates me even more. If my doctor is in love with me, there are ways to have the relationship and still deal with the state and medical board. I still cannot accept deep inside that my doctor from what I came to know about him, was just so cold and callous that he did not care whatsoever about abandoning me. But, as things are, not having seen or heard from him, it is everything I can do to make myself go on from moment to moment. And I have not been able to relate to my husband at all or even touch him, I am so devastated. I cannot even make myself get in a car to go try  to see another doctor, because I could not walk in the door, trust one, or even go there without just bursting into tears in front of the new doctor.

I don't know what to say or think. I have never been this devastated in my life. It is how the Earth would be if there were suddenly no Sun.    
      

[renaeden]

I wonder if someone told your doctor to cut off contact with you, that the decision was not his alone.

[EquiisSavant]

I wonder if someone told your doctor to cut off contact with you, that the decision was not his alone.

renaeden, I have also considered that.

However, the doctor is the one with the loyalties and duties to me as his patient that are primary and take precedence over any he owes any other person including his employer, other doctors, and even his relatives. And he knows this !

Knowing the harm cutting me off would cause (at the time the doctor may have been ordered to cut me off), placed and continues to place even now the doctor under a reporting duty as against whomever would have told him to cut me off because of my autism status to report it as a Florida Statutes, Sec. 415.111 criminal abuse of me as his patient. That would include people who might be his employer, whether they are other doctors or lawyers -- or even federal employees or officials because the McDade Amendment (a federal law) specifically legislates that a federal official is not protected from and can still be prosecuted for a Florida state criminal violation under state law (without any regard to their federal status --i.e., doctor can make state of Florida criminal 415.111 report of criminal abuse of a person with autism by a federal official, even a high level federal judge, and even if there is a federal court order; the state AG can prosecute it; the state judge can issue an arrest warrant for the rogue federal official; and the state can seek to extradite that federal official if not located in Florida to stand trial on the state criminal charge for violation of a state criminal law). And that is a requirement of my doctor's license that he report the ones whose act of ordering him to cut off contact with me constitutes the 415.111 violation. If he does not do this and reinstate me, a licensing violation against his own license can be sustained by the Medical Board.

Moreover, I am actually about to file medical licensure removal complaints against two other doctors who might have told him to cut me off, one of which would be a supervisor, and that person is also in a bar admission process so I am in the process of complaining that other doctor against his bar admission both to his law school and the bar examiners. I already set the predicate to complain them by asking the highest level supervising doctor to remedy this problem, and he has refused to respond. So he has it coming, and I don't care if he has an illustrious career and makes over a million dollar salary a year -- his career is about to be complained predicated on a criminal 415.111 abuse of an autistic person. I have already complained one of the lawyers who supervised part of this, the Bar filed the complaint last week -- she has a long career and many appellate cases, but she has violated some pretty serious bar licensing rules and if she is not disciplined on her license, her licensing agency is well aware I will sue them for money damages under Title II of the Americans With Disabilities Act and parade my deformed right foot caused by her bar violations (part of the damage) with my shoes off in front of a jury, because I have sued them before. I am also about to complain another one of the lawyers who supervised for refusing to make the 415.111 criminal reporting of the other lawyer's abuse of my autism.

And, I am also about to sue the state of Florida and Medical Board -- which requires me to also sue my doctor so the injunction will properly lie (not for money damages or med mal) -- for injunctive relief to invalidate the doctor-patient relationship rule and to compel the state of Florida if I am not reinstated to my doctor, to immediately fund and provide qualified adult autism doctors in huge numbers for the adult autism population of Florida. There is precedent for such a 30-day compliance order in a NY Title II ADA case, and in that case, they started holding the officials who failed to obey the 30-day injunction in criminal contempt of court and throwing them in jail. Also I am preparing to sue in same suit to invalidate the $200,000 med mal caps and the $200,000 state of Florida damage award caps under Title II of the Americans With Disabilities Act, because those provisions conflict with the ADA's rights and remedies and were never in compliance by the Florida Legislature with the ADA's Title II self-evaluation requirement to take input of the disabled people before enacting the laws. I have already set the predicate for this lawsuit as well, by making a public records request on the state of Florida, Medical Board and its attorneys at the AG office for their Title II Americans With Disabilities Act self-evaluation of those rules. They have not met the time requirement to provide me their Title II ADA self-eval which is required to be made available immediately.

I am also looking into whether or not my doctor's adult autism clinic funding and research proposals in his e-mails to me was run thru the proper processes under his employer's rules, which I doubt by the very act his employers may have ordered him to cut me off, and in that case (and I can compel them to give me the evidence in a court), I can and will seek to have the federal government terminate every federal grant to both the entire university, its medical school, and all coordinated VA programs. I do my homework and I am not a prodigious savant in the law for nothing -- my doctor's employers wanted a battle and they are getting one.

Whether or not it was my doctor's decision alone or he was instead ordered, does not matter. By the time I get done with the lawsuits and publicity (what they have done to harm an autistic person), everyone involved is going to wish they just let my doctor be my doctor and/or have the relationship we had that I need to treat my autism problems, because when the doctor-patient relationship rule falls along with the med mal and damage caps and the doctor's employer's rule prohibiting him from seeing me privately if they refuse to let him treat me (and those rules must fall under a Title II ADA suit even on summary judgment motion), I am sure all involved will be literal pariahs among the medical establishment not only in Florida but every other state as well -- they will all become known as the people who cause the problems that brought down the lawsuit that opened doctors once again to giant damage awards from the trial lawyers assns. -- and taught all the lawyers how to file many similar lawsuits against the state, its doctors, and Medical Board. I know this, because one of the chief people I have to sue to effect the injunction under the theory of the case just won to compel autism funding in California is running to be the next Governor of the state of Florida and this entire debacle could ruin her career and, late last nite, she has personally signed on to follow my autism postings on Twitter.

I do not have control over the doctor's choice, true. But I do have control over how I intend to respond to this. If the doctor chooses to stupidly go along with whomever might have told him to cut it off, he is an adult and a highly educated one at that, and in that case he will have no one to blame but himself. But I don't have to take this kind of abandonment and extreme harm it is causing me, not to mention having cut off all of my doctors there with some significant health problems now not being treated, without pursuing every legal remedy available to me. I am sure I will find out whether my doctor has any good character whatsoever or is even enough of a doctor and a man to stand up for his patient and reinstate her by telling off whomever may have ordered this to get out of his doctor-patient relationship -- or not.

Even the doctors under federal order to torture the prisoners at GITMO have been required by their Medical Boards not to obey the federal GITMO torture orders or aid in furthering them -- so where is there one single legal foundation for anyone to order my doctor to cut me off knowing the extreme harm this is certain to cause a person with autism ? Because, unfortunately, I have been forced into a position by virtue of my medical condition of having to put him to that choice. And if he loses his medical license over this, that is not even close to the extreme harm he -- on whomever's orders -- has caused and continuing to cause to me. It will sadden me, yes, but the choice that has put me into action -- as well as the choices available to him to stop the trajectory course of my response to remedy the abandonment and extreme harm to my medical condition -- is still resting entirely in his hands because at this point in time, the ball is still in his court.

I have also considered if whomever may have ordered him to cut me off is threatening (if he does not obey their orders to cut me off) to harm his employment, his career, or even possibly (which I don't know the facts if it is even a consideration), HB-1 status. If this is the case, if he did now turn around and stand up for me as his patient and for his relationship with me, I would write performance letters in support of his having done the right thing for his patient for any employer and any Medical Board, and/or litigate in the strongest terms for the protection of his career from the predators on both his career and on me -- I have standing to do this under the associational rules of Title II of the Americans With Disabilities Act and for tortious interference, as well as Florida Statutes, Sec. 415.1111 (punitive damages allowed) because I have suffered personal harm from this myself as the plaintiff. I actually do know of another Nation's leading brain cancer expert with a clinic in a state in which he is licensed who would likely employ him, and as far as the possible threats against his HB-1 status, I have done some immigration law and know immigration lawyers of whom I am sure one of them would help him, as well as I would not hesitate as an American citizen to to marry him because I love him, if it came to threats against HB-1 status because he protected me as his patient and the relationship with me. There is no prohibition under immigration laws to marry someone because you love them and they love you to protect a deep emotional relationship. But, for all I  know, he may not feel the same way about me, and this may not even be a concern because maybe there is no HB-1 issue with his employer. I am just trying to think of all the possible ways in which he may have been threatened and ordered to cut me off as his autistic patient.

But again, I don't know the facts. What I do know is the extreme harm this has caused me, that his employer is a public university with a "shall" mandate to serve the public--which they are blatantly breaching while asking for public funding (!), and I am prepared to now begin more vigorous litigation than any I have engaged in before anywhere over all of this. Anyone who knows my lawsuits would not want to be in one, not even his employer. And especially not the way they and their Trustees are tied in to the entire Florida university system, which will cause them to lose funding in relation to other universities once I initiate the litigation. But I have been left without any other remedy. Walking away is not an option, because it will destroy my health, not only my autism treatments and emotional problems, but also pulmonology problems and if I cannot get my feet treated, will likely make me not able to walk eventually due to the deteriotating condition of my right foot injury. I am entitled to receive my health care at my local publicly funded provider !

On the other hand, whomever may have ordered him to cut me off cannot order him not to now contact or see me outside of the doctor-patient relationship and/or dictate his personal choices outside of employer life, even if it is a administrative or court order, I am entitled to due process notice of that order so I can challenge it, since I am the most injured party, and have the standing. There is no administrative or court order, either, than can prevent a doctor who has abandoned a patient from meeting her, holding her hand, talking to her about personal feelings and relationships, doing relationship things together, or even kissing, touching, or hugging without discussions about anything of anykind except the relationship -- those things would not in any case involve the employer's business or the scope of any security concern.

But I am not my doctor, and I am not the one who is making the choice that has initiated (and continues to govern) all of this -- I am only the responder who has been devastated, with all the tools I have available to me to rectify this situation and what is is doing to destroy my life, my health, wellbeing, and devastate me emotionally beyond comprehension. For which, I still don't understand why this happened.

I am completely devastated. I have autism and severe brain conditions objectively on my PET scan, I need the relationship with my doctor, and no one has made any effort to remedy this whatsoever. I have just been left utterly devastated and abandoned. I am going to find out who did this and why, and get a remedy -- if it means, even if he won't reinstate me, for access to all my other doctors there and to an order compelling Florida to immediately make available and fund many more adult autism and savant syndromes doctors with at least equal qualifications of my doctor and compel all insurers doing business in Florida to cover it, and provide me such an autism savant-TBI neurologist who will complete all the things my doctor promised me and spend as much time with me as he did. What more is there to say ?          

[Callaway]

What is wrong with your right foot?  How did it get injured?

How could you possibly marry your doctor to protect his HB-1 status, since you are already married to your husband?

[EquiisSavant]

What is wrong with your right foot?  How did it get injured?

How could you possibly marry your doctor to protect his HB-1 status, since you are already married to your husband?

My right foot got injured in our Jan. 08 car accident. Two of my doctors referred me for specialist and probable surgery a year ago May-June 08. My doctor also examined it in Oct. 08. Then his employer dropped the ball and messed up the billing by refusing to bill our UM insurance carrier, and left my foot deteriorating for months, and now it is permanently deformed, no flexion in the toes and the second toe points down and twists, and because I have trouble walking on it, it is making something now go wrong in my left foot heel area, so I basically have more and more difficulty walking as time is going on.

When my doctor abandoned me, he did so along with the referrals he had made, for which we were trying to get the billing straightened out. I am about to take a video of it all and the trouble I am having walking without shoes on and post it in YouTube because the UM carrier blew it off, too and I need the video for dealing with the UM carrier. When someone has autism, no one helps facilicate the communications, and we don't count, and neither my doctor's employer nor the uM claims rep cared whatsoever about this medical condition. So I have been left in extreme pain and with this deteriorating problem for really, over a year and a half. When I wake up in the am, it is all I can do in the first five minutes of trying to stand and walk on my right foot not to lose my balance and fall. Eventually, if I wrap the ace bandage about it and put on shoes with special grids, I can balance better, but it is tearing up both my feet as this goes on without medical care. The only exercise I can manage is to sit on my autism horse and ride, since it does not require me to walk on my feet. But I can't usually go into most stores or walk long distances, and sometimes, I can't even walk much around our room.    

As far as the other question, how do you think two people who are both married to other spouses can marry each other ? In Florida, they divorce their spouses and marry each other. In a consent divorce it takes about 30 days. After a divorce, people can re-marry. It happens all the time. I know, I have law clerked family law for almost 20 years. But I don't know how the doctor feels, I only know how I feel.  

I was only speculating whatever the problems are that my doctor may have been threatened with, if he was -- how do I know for sure, since what he did I just completely don't understand ? But I do know about HB-1 status and that usually a doctor who has it has to work for a federal (VA) or state research-professor medical school to keep the status properly. HB-1 status is generally tied to having the employment. It would be quite easy for an employer of a doctor with HB-1 status to threaten the doctor with loss of HB-1 status and deportation if he did not abuse his patient by ordering an abandonment, and I do know I experienced considerable hostility form his employer over my autism, so it would not be out of the realm in my opinion that this could have occurred. It doesn't, however, make the doctor's reporting duties against the employer or licensing violations for the abandoment go away. I don't understand why my doctor abandoned me. I have tried to, but I just don't comprehend why he would have such a special relationship with me, encourage it, exchange appx. 800 emails between us, promise me all sorts of other things, and just suddenly cut me off and abandon me causing me this level of devastation, not for anything can I comprehend it. And the more I try, the more depressed I get.  

But, I said the reason I would marry my doctor if I were asked (if he felt the same way about me), is because I am in love with my doctor. I would feel this way with or without any HB-1 issue, conjectural or real. I didn't go looking to fall in love with him. But I did. And I feel this way. And I am very deeply in love with him. That doesn't mean I don't like my husband, but I have never been this deeply in love as with my doctor with anyone before in my entire life. I don't know what to say. This is how I feel, and I am really, really devastated. I needed the light he brought into my life. The transference helped me -- it was the first time in my life I felt joy each and every day. I can't stop drifting off into daydreams hearing his nice calming voice that I long to hear. There are so many things about him that gave me so much happiness. No one ever showed me so much respect. His use of language excited me. Being anywhere near him, strongly attracted me, his smell got me very excited. He had a bizarre sense of humor I loved. Do you want me to keep going on ? Until he abandoned me, he never, never hurt me, just the opposite -- he gave me a very secure place to be, and I really trusted him. And when we interacted, it is almost like it sparked off a huge chemical reaction in the most positive way -- it was exhiliarating. I could communicate with him on a level and in a way I have not been able to communicate with any one single other person in my life--as if I did not have autism. And it is all I can do to want to do anything anymore, because there really isn't anything that stops how depressed I am now every moment of every day since he abandoned me. I couldn't go to the Bar annual meeting, I didn't go see the fireworks, I haven't been able to go to my P/T since May 26th, I just burst into tears and feel so devastated, and it is such a terrible struggle to draw or paint much because it just reminds me of how good he made me feel even about that.

What is there to say ? Even beyond how I feel (my feelings), I don't have a doctor anymore, and all of my doctors have been cut off by this -- pulmonology, OB/GYN, my right foot, other tests -- ECHO, etc., he never showed me any of my 4 brain scans, didn't do the comprehensive neuropsychological testing, and there are other things he promised. And with the severity of my communication problems, I don't know how to replace all the other doctors and tests, but as far as my doctor, I have been informed he is essentially the only available savant adult autism neurologist in my state. There is no replacement for him. So I don't think there are any words to really describe how devastated I am.        
 

[RageBeoulve]

What is wrong with your right foot?  How did it get injured?

How could you possibly marry your doctor to protect his HB-1 status, since you are already married to your husband?

My right foot got injured in our Jan. 08 car accident. Two of my doctors referred me for specialist and probable surgery a year ago May-June 08. My doctor also examined it in Oct. 08. Then his employer dropped the ball and messed up the billing by refusing to bill our UM insurance carrier, and left my foot deteriorating for months, and now it is permanently deformed, no flexion in the toes and the second toe points down and twists, and because I have trouble walking on it, it is making something now go wrong in my left foot heel area, so I basically have more and more difficulty walking as time is going on.

When my doctor abandoned me, he did so along with the referrals he had made, for which we were trying to get the billing straightened out. I am about to take a video of it all and the trouble I am having walking without shoes on and post it in YouTube because the UM carrier blew it off, too and I need the video for dealing with the UM carrier. When someone has autism, no one helps facilicate the communications, and we don't count, and neither my doctor's employer nor the uM claims rep cared whatsoever about this medical condition. So I have been left in extreme pain and with this deteriorating problem for really, over a year and a half. When I wake up in the am, it is all I can do in the first five minutes of trying to stand and walk on my right foot not to lose my balance and fall. Eventually, if I wrap the ace bandage about it and put on shoes with special grids, I can balance better, but it is tearing up both my feet as this goes on without medical care. The only exercise I can manage is to sit on my autism horse and ride, since it does not require me to walk on my feet. But I can't usually go into most stores or walk long distances, and sometimes, I can't even walk much around our room.    

As far as the other question, how do you think two people who are both married to other spouses can marry each other ? In Florida, they divorce their spouses and marry each other. In a consent divorce it takes about 30 days. After a divorce, people can re-marry. It happens all the time. I know, I have law clerked family law for almost 20 years. But I don't know how the doctor feels, I only know how I feel.  

I was only speculating whatever the problems are that my doctor may have been threatened with, if he was -- how do I know for sure, since what he did I just completely don't understand ? But I do know about HB-1 status and that usually a doctor who has it has to work for a federal (VA) or state research-professor medical school to keep the status properly. HB-1 status is generally tied to having the employment. It would be quite easy for an employer of a doctor with HB-1 status to threaten the doctor with loss of HB-1 status and deportation if he did not abuse his patient by ordering an abandonment, and I do know I experienced considerable hostility form his employer over my autism, so it would not be out of the realm in my opinion that this could have occurred. It doesn't, however, make the doctor's reporting duties against the employer or licensing violations for the abandoment go away. I don't understand why my doctor abandoned me. I have tried to, but I just don't comprehend why he would have such a special relationship with me, encourage it, exchange appx. 800 emails between us, promise me all sorts of other things, and just suddenly cut me off and abandon me causing me this level of devastation, not for anything can I comprehend it. And the more I try, the more depressed I get.  

But, I said the reason I would marry my doctor if I were asked (if he felt the same way about me), is because I am in love with my doctor. I would feel this way with or without any HB-1 issue, conjectural or real. I didn't go looking to fall in love with him. But I did. And I feel this way. And I am very deeply in love with him. That doesn't mean I don't like my husband, but I have never been this deeply in love as with my doctor with anyone before in my entire life. I don't know what to say. This is how I feel, and I am really, really devastated. I needed the light he brought into my life. The transference helped me -- it was the first time in my life I felt joy each and every day. I can't stop drifting off into daydreams hearing his nice calming voice that I long to hear. There are so many things about him that gave me so much happiness. No one ever showed me so much respect. His use of language excited me. Being anywhere near him, strongly attracted me, his smell got me very excited. He had a bizarre sense of humor I loved. Do you want me to keep going on ? Until he abandoned me, he never, never hurt me, just the opposite -- he gave me a very secure place to be, and I really trusted him. And when we interacted, it is almost like it sparked off a huge chemical reaction in the most positive way -- it was exhiliarating. I could communicate with him on a level and in a way I have not been able to communicate with any one single other person in my life--as if I did not have autism. And it is all I can do to want to do anything anymore, because there really isn't anything that stops how depressed I am now every moment of every day since he abandoned me. I couldn't go to the Bar annual meeting, I didn't go see the fireworks, I haven't been able to go to my P/T since May 26th, I just burst into tears and feel so devastated, and it is such a terrible struggle to draw or paint much because it just reminds me of how good he made me feel even about that.

What is there to say ? Even beyond how I feel (my feelings), I don't have a doctor anymore, and all of my doctors have been cut off by this -- pulmonology, OB/GYN, my right foot, other tests -- ECHO, etc., he never showed me any of my 4 brain scans, didn't do the comprehensive neuropsychological testing, and there are other things he promised. And with the severity of my communication problems, I don't know how to replace all the other doctors and tests, but as far as my doctor, I have been informed he is essentially the only available savant adult autism neurologist in my state. There is no replacement for him. So I don't think there are any words to really describe how devastated I am.        
 

Nice. A whole fucking book. How about just saying this?

My right foot got injured in our Jan. 08 car accident.

[EquiisSavant]

What is wrong with your right foot?  How did it get injured?

How could you possibly marry your doctor to protect his HB-1 status, since you are already married to your husband?

My right foot got injured in our Jan. 08 car accident. Two of my doctors referred me for specialist and probable surgery a year ago May-June 08. My doctor also examined it in Oct. 08. Then his employer dropped the ball and messed up the billing by refusing to bill our UM insurance carrier, and left my foot deteriorating for months, and now it is permanently deformed, no flexion in the toes and the second toe points down and twists, and because I have trouble walking on it, it is making something now go wrong in my left foot heel area, so I basically have more and more difficulty walking as time is going on.

When my doctor abandoned me, he did so along with the referrals he had made, for which we were trying to get the billing straightened out. I am about to take a video of it all and the trouble I am having walking without shoes on and post it in YouTube because the UM carrier blew it off, too and I need the video for dealing with the UM carrier. When someone has autism, no one helps facilicate the communications, and we don't count, and neither my doctor's employer nor the uM claims rep cared whatsoever about this medical condition. So I have been left in extreme pain and with this deteriorating problem for really, over a year and a half. When I wake up in the am, it is all I can do in the first five minutes of trying to stand and walk on my right foot not to lose my balance and fall. Eventually, if I wrap the ace bandage about it and put on shoes with special grids, I can balance better, but it is tearing up both my feet as this goes on without medical care. The only exercise I can manage is to sit on my autism horse and ride, since it does not require me to walk on my feet. But I can't usually go into most stores or walk long distances, and sometimes, I can't even walk much around our room.    

As far as the other question, how do you think two people who are both married to other spouses can marry each other ? In Florida, they divorce their spouses and marry each other. In a consent divorce it takes about 30 days. After a divorce, people can re-marry. It happens all the time. I know, I have law clerked family law for almost 20 years. But I don't know how the doctor feels, I only know how I feel.  

I was only speculating whatever the problems are that my doctor may have been threatened with, if he was -- how do I know for sure, since what he did I just completely don't understand ? But I do know about HB-1 status and that usually a doctor who has it has to work for a federal (VA) or state research-professor medical school to keep the status properly. HB-1 status is generally tied to having the employment. It would be quite easy for an employer of a doctor with HB-1 status to threaten the doctor with loss of HB-1 status and deportation if he did not abuse his patient by ordering an abandonment, and I do know I experienced considerable hostility form his employer over my autism, so it would not be out of the realm in my opinion that this could have occurred. It doesn't, however, make the doctor's reporting duties against the employer or licensing violations for the abandoment go away. I don't understand why my doctor abandoned me. I have tried to, but I just don't comprehend why he would have such a special relationship with me, encourage it, exchange appx. 800 emails between us, promise me all sorts of other things, and just suddenly cut me off and abandon me causing me this level of devastation, not for anything can I comprehend it. And the more I try, the more depressed I get.  

But, I said the reason I would marry my doctor if I were asked (if he felt the same way about me), is because I am in love with my doctor. I would feel this way with or without any HB-1 issue, conjectural or real. I didn't go looking to fall in love with him. But I did. And I feel this way. And I am very deeply in love with him. That doesn't mean I don't like my husband, but I have never been this deeply in love as with my doctor with anyone before in my entire life. I don't know what to say. This is how I feel, and I am really, really devastated. I needed the light he brought into my life. The transference helped me -- it was the first time in my life I felt joy each and every day. I can't stop drifting off into daydreams hearing his nice calming voice that I long to hear. There are so many things about him that gave me so much happiness. No one ever showed me so much respect. His use of language excited me. Being anywhere near him, strongly attracted me, his smell got me very excited. He had a bizarre sense of humor I loved. Do you want me to keep going on ? Until he abandoned me, he never, never hurt me, just the opposite -- he gave me a very secure place to be, and I really trusted him. And when we interacted, it is almost like it sparked off a huge chemical reaction in the most positive way -- it was exhiliarating. I could communicate with him on a level and in a way I have not been able to communicate with any one single other person in my life--as if I did not have autism. And it is all I can do to want to do anything anymore, because there really isn't anything that stops how depressed I am now every moment of every day since he abandoned me. I couldn't go to the Bar annual meeting, I didn't go see the fireworks, I haven't been able to go to my P/T since May 26th, I just burst into tears and feel so devastated, and it is such a terrible struggle to draw or paint much because it just reminds me of how good he made me feel even about that.

What is there to say ? Even beyond how I feel (my feelings), I don't have a doctor anymore, and all of my doctors have been cut off by this -- pulmonology, OB/GYN, my right foot, other tests -- ECHO, etc., he never showed me any of my 4 brain scans, didn't do the comprehensive neuropsychological testing, and there are other things he promised. And with the severity of my communication problems, I don't know how to replace all the other doctors and tests, but as far as my doctor, I have been informed he is essentially the only available savant adult autism neurologist in my state. There is no replacement for him. So I don't think there are any words to really describe how devastated I am.        
 

Nice. A whole fucking book. How about just saying this?

My right foot got injured in our Jan. 08 car accident.

My doctor diagnosed me with hypergraphia !!!

[renaeden]

I wish sometimes that I could post like that but have never been able to. It must be nice to feel all those thoughts flow out.

[EquiisSavant]

I wish sometimes that I could post like that but have never been able to. It must be nice to feel all those thoughts flow out.

How does it feel nice for all the thoughts to flow out ? I am still severely depressed, and nothing is any better. All I can think about is how much I miss my doctor, and I wish he would come back. My life is completely devastated, totally ruined, and it is all I can do to want to do anything. I don't feel like I have any hope for anything anymore, and there is nothing that interests me. I just wish he would come back, and I wish he would find me and talk to me and see me again. I try to sleep it off, and when I go to sleep all I can think about is him. When I wake up, I am thinking of him. There is nothing I want do to anymore. I tried to paint on one of my paintings last nite, and it made me think about him, and he isn't here talking to me or seeing me, and it just threw me back into the deepest depression, and so much pain, I just wish I were never born. My life is nothing anyway. He is the only one who ever made me feel like my my life was worth something and like I mattered to anyone -- he made me feel like I mattered to him. I can't find anything that will make me feel better. As I said, it like the Earth with no Sun.