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Author Topic: Home for Abandoned Jokes  (Read 412 times)

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Offline WolFish

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Home for Abandoned Jokes
« on: April 18, 2009, 10:23:29 AM »
Everyone seems to think this is too gross to tell. When I first heard it I thought it was the funniest thing I'd heard in a long time.

There was a guy who would sit in bar and never pay for his drinks because he was always bugging people to give him dares. He would do anything for a drink. So another fellow decided to try to get this guy to pay for drinks. He went to him and said, Tell you what - if in three chances I can find a dare you won't do, you pay for a round of drinks for the house, and if I can't find a dare you won't do, I'll pay for your drinks for a month. The barfly agrees, so the other guy looks around, picks up a smouldering cigarette and says, "Eat this." The barfly knocks back a shot and eats the cigarette with no problem. So the other guy, looking a little worried, grabs a bunch of food from different plates on the bar, mashes it all together, and stuffs it into a beer mug - looks and smells just like vomit. The barfly says, "No problem," knocks back another shot and drinks the goop. Now the other guy is a little concerned - the barfly probably could drink up the guy's entire paycheck in a single night - after a month - well, he looks around in desperation and sees a spitoon on the floor in a corner. He says to the barfly, "OK - I dare you to take a sip out of that spitoon." The barfly knocks back another shot and says, "No problem." He grabs the spitoon and puts it to his lips and takes a sip. The other guy shrugs - there goes his check - but then he sees that the barfly is still drinking. "You can stop now," he says, but to his disgust and amazement, the barfly keeps going. "Stop!" he yells at the barfly, "Stop and I'll but your drinks for TWO months!" But the barfly keeps on drinking. In utter dismay, the other guy says, "Stop! Stop and I'll buy your drinks for SIX months!" But the barfly keeps on drinking and the other guy gets sick all over his shoes. When he looks up he sees the barfly take a last gulp and put the spitoon down. "WTF is wrong with you?" says the other guy, "Are you mad? Why didn't you stop?" "Aw," says the barfly, "I couldn't. It was all in one piece."
Mark Twain: “Never argue with a [troll], onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.”

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