Author Topic: How not to get laid...  (Read 3720 times)

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Offline Trigger 11

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How not to get laid...
« on: October 07, 2008, 03:12:55 PM »
Having problems in your sex life or maybe some intimacy issues? No worries! Just let me know what your issues are and I will provide sage advice to get you back on that saddle.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2008, 08:38:59 AM by Trigger11 »
Crazy, I'm halfway to crazy
Suicide would waste me
Homicide would break me
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Oh, is life as bad as dreams
I guess that's just the way it seems

Offline ApotheosisIV

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Re: Free Sex Therapy from a Seasoned Pro
« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2008, 03:46:47 PM »
I have low sex drive and have only been wanking once a day for the past few weeks or so.
How can I improve the situation?
batcat

Offline Lucifer

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Re: Free Sex Therapy from a Seasoned Pro
« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2008, 04:01:40 PM »
I have low sex drive and have only been wanking once a day for the past few weeks or so.
How can I improve the situation?

ginseng, alfalfa juice, pomegranate fluff, zinc buckets, green tea massage butter, biotin dandruff shampoo, oat suppositries and your mum.

Offline odeon

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Re: Free Sex Therapy from a Seasoned Pro
« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2008, 04:05:37 PM »
Yes, but what if his mum's sex drive is low as well?
To me it looks like you're saying that banning bombs didn't stop bombs going off therefore there is no point to gun control because it's a mental health issue. 

Offline Lucifer

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Re: Free Sex Therapy from a Seasoned Pro
« Reply #4 on: October 07, 2008, 04:06:16 PM »
ginseng, alfalfa juice, pomegranate fluff, zinc buckets, green tea massage butter, biotin dandruff shampoo, oat suppositries and someone else's mum.

Offline Trigger 11

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Re: Free Sex Therapy from a Seasoned Pro
« Reply #5 on: October 07, 2008, 07:03:06 PM »
I have low sex drive and have only been wanking once a day for the past few weeks or so.
How can I improve the situation?

Try this:

cornholing:
Or: corn-holing , colloquialism for homo- and heterosexual anal-intercourse . See anal-copulation for synonyms.
Etymology: An early 20 th century American expression believed to have originated from the practice of wiping the ass with dried corncobs.

That should get you back on track.

Crazy, I'm halfway to crazy
Suicide would waste me
Homicide would break me
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Oh, is life as bad as dreams
I guess that's just the way it seems

Offline ApotheosisIV

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Re: Free Sex Therapy from a Seasoned Pro
« Reply #6 on: October 08, 2008, 07:52:07 AM »
ginseng, alfalfa juice, pomegranate fluff, zinc buckets, green tea massage butter, biotin dandruff shampoo, oat suppositries and someone else's mum.
better  :laugh:
batcat

Offline ApotheosisIV

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Re: Free Sex Therapy from a Seasoned Pro
« Reply #7 on: October 08, 2008, 07:52:56 AM »
I have low sex drive and have only been wanking once a day for the past few weeks or so.
How can I improve the situation?

Try this:

cornholing:
Or: corn-holing , colloquialism for homo- and heterosexual anal-intercourse . See anal-copulation for synonyms.
Etymology: An early 20 th century American expression believed to have originated from the practice of wiping the ass with dried corncobs.

That should get you back on track.



I'll try that later, cheers.
batcat

Offline El

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Re: Free Sex Therapy from a Seasoned Pro
« Reply #8 on: October 08, 2008, 07:54:39 AM »
At what point should I stop being willing to sacrifice sleep for sex?
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline Trigger 11

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Re: Free Sex Therapy from a Seasoned Pro
« Reply #9 on: October 08, 2008, 08:23:29 AM »
At what point should I stop being willing to sacrifice sleep for sex?

You're kidding right? :-\

Hmmm, read that the wrong way! You have you're entire death to sleep, but you can't enjoy sex once you're dead. So have sex as often as you can, regardless of how tired you are. Besides, don't women get a rush of energy after sex?
« Last Edit: October 08, 2008, 11:22:14 AM by Trigger11 »
Crazy, I'm halfway to crazy
Suicide would waste me
Homicide would break me
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Oh, is life as bad as dreams
I guess that's just the way it seems

Offline ApotheosisIV

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Re: Free Sex Therapy from a Seasoned Pro
« Reply #10 on: October 08, 2008, 08:51:28 AM »
At what point should I start being willing to sacrifice sex for sleep?
batcat

Offline Trigger 11

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Re: Free Sex Therapy from a Seasoned Pro
« Reply #11 on: October 08, 2008, 09:12:06 AM »
At what point should I start being willing to sacrifice sex for sleep?


You're kidding right? Never! But you're a dude, so the more sex you have, the more "after glow" naps you should be getting. It should work to your advantage.
Crazy, I'm halfway to crazy
Suicide would waste me
Homicide would break me
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Oh, is life as bad as dreams
I guess that's just the way it seems

Offline Lucifer

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Re: Free Sex Therapy from a Seasoned Pro
« Reply #12 on: October 08, 2008, 10:33:10 AM »
when can i expect my next shag?

Offline Peter

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Re: Free Sex Therapy from a Seasoned Pro
« Reply #13 on: October 08, 2008, 10:51:26 AM »
Why is my libido so low?
Quote
14:10 - Moarskrillex42: She said something about knowing why I wanted to move to Glasgow when she came in. She plopped down on my bed and told me to go ahead and open it for her.

14:11 - Peter5930: So, she thought I was your lover and that I was sending you a box full of sex toys, and that you wanted to move to Glasgow to be with me?

Offline Trigger 11

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Re: Free Sex Therapy from a Seasoned Pro
« Reply #14 on: October 08, 2008, 11:28:58 AM »
when can i expect my next shag?

Normally I would ask where you live and give you a time estimate based upon how long it would take me to get there, since I certainly do like to oblige the ladies, but I suppose there is someone else on here that may be able to give you a more accurate answer. But being a female, you should be able to go to your local Pub and get shagged tonight. It all depends on your standards.
Crazy, I'm halfway to crazy
Suicide would waste me
Homicide would break me
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Tongue tied and tied to the tongue
Oh, is life as bad as dreams
I guess that's just the way it seems