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Start here => Free For ALL => Topic started by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 03:15:28 PM

Title: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 03:15:28 PM
now that we have more girls on this site i thought that it might be interesting to teach all the scared boys how to get some snatch.
really, what i was thinking was that they would come to me with a question and i would answer it.  the goal here is to teach the dolts how to read a lady, woman, or playa.
then, we can have all the women chime in about how wrong i am.  but me knowing the entire time that i am in fact correct, and the women just don't want the boys to know the trade secrets.


so boys, ask a question or give me a scenerio.  i have two heads thinking and ready to advise.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 03:17:42 PM
conversely, we women could watch you get it all arse about face, piss ourselves laughing, and then pm the men we don't want to be humiliated, and set them straight.  :P
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 03:19:53 PM
conversely, we women could watch you get it all arse about face, piss ourselves laughing, and then pm the men we don't want to be humiliated, and set them straight.  :P
of course....divide and conquer through misinformation.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 04, 2007, 03:29:12 PM
I won't be possibly won't be setting you straight- imo women are much harder to pick up. :laugh:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 03:31:31 PM
...particularly if they're covered in goose fat.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 03:33:45 PM
oh now i see whats going on.

you women are going to fillibuster this thread to keep the truth hidden.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 04, 2007, 03:36:50 PM
oh now i see whats going on.

you women are going to fillibuster this thread to keep the truth hidden.

Nah- I was actually being serious there- with men a good cleavage and that look in your eye (you know the one I mean ;) ) and they're putty in you hands.  Woman take more work.  >:D
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Callaway on June 04, 2007, 03:38:33 PM
oh now i see whats going on.

you women are going to fillibuster this thread to keep the truth hidden.

It's just that some of your ideas are so funny and probably would not work for anyone but you.

It's not really a question of women filibustering your thread to obfuscate.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: duncvis on June 04, 2007, 03:38:57 PM
Tip one: most women will respond positively to being given a photo of your cock. if she lets you buy her a drink after that you're probably well in.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Callaway on June 04, 2007, 03:39:52 PM
Tip one: most women will respond positively to being given a photo of your cock. if she lets you buy her a drink after that you're probably well in.

I hope nobody actually tries this.

:LMAO:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Pyraxis on June 04, 2007, 03:40:18 PM
Why? It weeds out the chaff so well.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Callaway on June 04, 2007, 03:41:09 PM
Why? It weeds out the chaff so well.

Would you respond positively to this approach?   :laugh:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Litigious on June 04, 2007, 03:41:25 PM
Dr. McQuagmire: How do I get more 15 year old sluts that I can piss in the mouth? It's been almost 4 months since I had that little Linda bitch.  :P
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Dravis on June 04, 2007, 03:42:16 PM
Tip one: most women will respond positively to being given a photo of your cock. if she lets you buy her a drink after that you're probably well in.

sweet, i will try that  :eyebrows:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Pyraxis on June 04, 2007, 03:44:07 PM
Why? It weeds out the chaff so well.

Would you respond positively to this approach?   :laugh:

Actually I meant it shows the idiots for what they are within a conveniently short period of time.

Whether I'd respond to it would really depend on how it was done. If it was done like Richard, I'd immediately lose any interest I had. If it was done in some interesting or challenging or unusual or funny way, it might possibly provoke more interest.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 03:46:44 PM
wotcha, pyraxis!

reckon we should start a chaff-separating thread?   :eyebrows:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 04, 2007, 03:48:10 PM
If you're going to brag about people saying you bear a striking resemblance to a celebrity at least make sure its a decent looking one- I once had someone use their resemblance to Freddy Mercury as a selling point. :laugh:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Pyraxis on June 04, 2007, 03:48:29 PM
wotcha, pyraxis!

reckon we should start a chaff-separating thread?   :eyebrows:

Isn't that what this whole site is about?   >:D
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 03:50:13 PM
you mean there's anything to separate?   :o
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Pyraxis on June 04, 2007, 03:52:02 PM
I dunno, I've found a few that have provided at least temporary entertainment.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Litigious on June 04, 2007, 03:52:37 PM
You need to drink piss to learn to be humble, you bitches. A lot of it.  8)
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 04, 2007, 03:54:21 PM
You need to drink piss to learn to be humble, you bitches. A lot of it.  8)

Maybe you should teach us since you're such a humble piss drinker yourself? :laugh:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Pyraxis on June 04, 2007, 03:54:40 PM
I am humble towards things I find worthy of respect, Lit. Are you honestly surprised you're not on the list?

Oh, and I'm also humble in order to get things I want.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 03:55:31 PM
I dunno, I've found a few that have provided at least temporary entertainment.

true, very true.  but not always for the right reasons...

You need to drink piss to learn to be humble, you bitches. A lot of it.  8)

Maybe you should teach us since you're such a humble piss drinker yourself? :laugh:

yes - i know i'll be rivetted to the spot until he elucidates.   :yawn:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Pyraxis on June 04, 2007, 03:57:09 PM
Oh, and what kind of reasons would be worthy enough for you?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Litigious on June 04, 2007, 03:58:06 PM
You need to drink piss to learn to be humble, you bitches. A lot of it.  8)

Maybe you should teach us since you're such a humble piss drinker yourself? :laugh:

No, those two are far too old for me anyway. Piss from a 15 year old on the other hand -- yummy!  :P
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 04, 2007, 03:59:26 PM
You need to drink piss to learn to be humble, you bitches. A lot of it.  8)

Maybe you should teach us since you're such a humble piss drinker yourself? :laugh:

No, those two are far too old for me anyway. Piss from a 15 year old on the other hand -- yummy!  :P

I'm surprised you enjoy being 'humbled' by any woman that way.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 04:00:13 PM
Oh, and what kind of reasons would be worthy enough for you?

dunno if i'd use the word "worthy", but i thought we were talking about picking men up?  which implies some sort of sexual attraction, doesn't it?  well, it does in my world.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Litigious on June 04, 2007, 04:02:10 PM
You need to drink piss to learn to be humble, you bitches. A lot of it.  8)

Maybe you should teach us since you're such a humble piss drinker yourself? :laugh:

No, those two are far too old for me anyway. Piss from a 15 year old on the other hand -- yummy!  :P

I'm surprised you enjoy being 'humbled' by any woman that way.

Oh, I was merely horny than feeling an urge to be "humble", I think.  8)
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Pyraxis on June 04, 2007, 04:04:35 PM
i thought we were talking about picking men up?  which implies some sort of sexual attraction, doesn't it?  well, it does in my world.

Nah, me, I was just talking about mind games. Though surely with a g-spot in the middle of your forehead, you can sympathize?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 04:08:48 PM
i thought we were talking about picking men up?  which implies some sort of sexual attraction, doesn't it?  well, it does in my world.

Nah, me, I was just talking about mind games. Though surely with a g-spot in the middle of your forehead, you can sympathize?

lol.  ;)

actually, that's not too far from the truth, albeit figuratively, rather than literally.  for me, the sexiest thing about any man is his mind.  of course, looking like johnny depp never hurts, either.   :heart:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Dravis on June 04, 2007, 04:11:24 PM
Talking about drinking piss, read this.  I saw it on the news last year sometime.

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/7502034/detail.html
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Callaway on June 04, 2007, 04:13:34 PM
Talking about drinking piss, read this.  I saw it on the news last year sometime.

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/7502034/detail.html

That is so creepy and gross.  I'm glad they locked him up.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: odeon on June 04, 2007, 04:15:42 PM
:puke:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Litigious on June 04, 2007, 04:16:52 PM
Talking about drinking piss, read this.  I saw it on the news last year sometime.

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/7502034/detail.html

That is so creepy and gross.  I'm glad they locked him up.

A real man doesn't drink piss from boys. A real man only occasionally drinks piss from young girls and mostly let them drink his piss, those little bitches!  8)

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: odeon on June 04, 2007, 04:19:13 PM
A real man would probably laugh himself silly reading your post. ::)
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Pyraxis on June 04, 2007, 04:19:46 PM
Real men don't feed trolls.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 04:20:35 PM
trit trot, trit trot...
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: odeon on June 04, 2007, 04:25:51 PM
Real men don't feed trolls.

Good point. I'm off to rescue a dog trapped in a building on fire but I'll get back to you, OK?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Pyraxis on June 04, 2007, 04:26:41 PM
*drops out of the conversation for lack of interpretive social skills*
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: odeon on June 04, 2007, 04:30:57 PM
Don't worry. I don't understand me either.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 04:32:58 PM
oh now i see whats going on.

you women are going to fillibuster this thread to keep the truth hidden.

Nah- I was actually being serious there- with men a good cleavage and that look in your eye (you know the one I mean ;) ) and they're putty in you hands.  Woman take more work.  >:D

Not all men are easy.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 04, 2007, 04:34:44 PM
oh now i see whats going on.

you women are going to fillibuster this thread to keep the truth hidden.

Nah- I was actually being serious there- with men a good cleavage and that look in your eye (you know the one I mean ;) ) and they're putty in you hands.  Woman take more work.  >:D

Not all men are easy.

Not all posts come without a little tongue in cheek.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 04:34:47 PM
Oh, and I'm also humble in order to get things I want.

Damn! That's a clever concept. Might try it...nah, not in my nature.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 04:36:02 PM
oh now i see whats going on.

you women are going to fillibuster this thread to keep the truth hidden.

Nah- I was actually being serious there- with men a good cleavage and that look in your eye (you know the one I mean ;) ) and they're putty in you hands.  Woman take more work.  >:D

Not all men are easy.

Not all posts come without a little tongue in cheek.

Which set?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 04, 2007, 04:36:37 PM
I'm not even going to go there tonight.  :laugh:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 04:36:52 PM
which tongue?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 04:37:59 PM
which tongue?


The flaming one?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 04:59:03 PM
the silver one?  or the potted one?  yuck.   :(
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: El on June 04, 2007, 06:07:33 PM
Pick a hot girl, look at her, do a double-take, then ask,  "Are you a ghost?  I swear, you look like this girl I once loved who became psychotic one night after I'd given her too much cheesecake and too many orgasms, and she wandered out and got trampled to death by a wandering herd of buffalo.  She broke my heart, and I thought I could never love again.  We can talk more about it while I feed you choclate and say you're too skinny."
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 06:15:20 PM
Dr. McQuagmire: How do I get more 15 year old sluts that I can piss in the mouth? It's been almost 4 months since I had that little Linda bitch.  :P
you dolt.

i encourage you to have sex with older women (30-45).  they are usually more sexually honest.  and it seems that you need a sexually honest woman!
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 04, 2007, 06:16:48 PM
Dr. McQuagmire: How do I get more 15 year old sluts that I can piss in the mouth? It's been almost 4 months since I had that little Linda bitch.  :P
you dolt.

i encourage you to have sex with older women (30-45).  they are usually more sexually honest.  and it seems that you need a sexually honest woman!

hey good advice- I'd plus you but we both know where we stand on that.  :laugh:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 06:18:09 PM
You need to drink piss to learn to be humble, you bitches. A lot of it.  8)
dolts, use a more subtle approach than this.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 06:23:20 PM
ok dolts, now that the lesbian feminism brigade has chimed in with nonsensical jibber jabber, i encourage you to ask me questions.

i posted this thread in the free for all forum so you may post anonymously if you choose to.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: deaperate sadman on June 04, 2007, 06:26:45 PM
o wize mcgagger, how do i get these lovely feminizm brigae women to all marry me and have a big happy orgy.  pissing in mouth optional.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 06:33:36 PM
o wize mcgagger, how do i get these lovely feminizm brigae women to all marry me and have a big happy orgy.  pissing in mouth optional.
treat them as equals in public.  ie: make them pay for their own meals, open their own doors, etc.
also, don't have deep discussions with them.  it is a trap. and when you are finished having sex with them, tell them that you will call them....hint, hint:get out!
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 07:12:02 PM
I need a thread on how to avoid becoming
attached enough to consider having sex
with someone who is WRONG for me.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 07:13:28 PM
I need a thread on how to avoid becoming
attached enough to consider having sex
with someone who is WRONG for me.
how about a thread titled: less than a man!
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 07:15:06 PM
I need a thread on how to avoid becoming
attached enough to consider having sex
with someone who is WRONG for me.
how about a thread titled: less than a man!

Sounds apt. Doubt that there are too many
who can help me though. At least among the
males.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 07:17:03 PM
I need a thread on how to avoid becoming
attached enough to consider having sex
with someone who is WRONG for me.
how about a thread titled: less than a man!

Sounds apt. Doubt that there are too many
who can help me though. At least among the
males.
maybe they will help by sharing stories that you can relate to.

now get the hell out of the dolt sex tips thread, you once upon a time, dolt.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 07:20:14 PM
Once I manage to catch something interesting,
and convince her that threesomes are best,
how do I catch the second chicky?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 07:22:02 PM
Once I manage to catch something interesting,
and convince her that threesomes are best,
how do I catch the second chicky?
easy:  your lady will have better success than you.  ask her to do it.
that way she was involved in the decision process.  the downside is that the other lady will likely NOT be as good looking as your lady.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 07:23:55 PM
Didn't work too well last time,
but maybe I'll get someone less
socially inept than I am.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 07:25:33 PM
what do you mean?

all she has to do is start dancing with a girl and the chatting her up....felling her out.

you would be surprised as to how many women would like to do some lesbo action.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 07:31:53 PM
My wife was like me, she waited
for others to approach her. Given
that we were an obvious couple,
this tactic didn't work too well.
Especially since, even when I
would be approached, if they
didn't mention that they were
willing to include her, I'd simply
ignore the issue. She, at least,
would tell me about it, and this
would allow me to make some
progress, if tired or drunk enough.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 07:34:14 PM
My wife was like me, she waited
for others to approach her. Given
that we were an obvious couple,
this tactic didn't work too well.
Especially since, even when I
would be approached, if they
didn't mention that they were
willing to include her, I'd simply
ignore the issue. She, at least,
would tell me about it, and this
would allow me to make some
progress, if tired or drunk enough.
if you aren't willing to make an effort then how can i help?

i guess how can stand on a street corner in low cut jean shorts and a halter top.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 07:37:09 PM
No, I liked your suggestion.
Just thinking that it didn't
work well enough before,
in that we didn't manage
to catch anyone for long.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 07:38:08 PM
No, I liked your suggestion.
Just thinking that it didn't
work well enough before,
in that we didn't manage
to catch anyone for long.
then you need to learn to take advantage of the time you do have them.

stop pussy footing around!
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 07:39:26 PM
Footsy is one thing, but I'll
not insert it in there.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 07:52:05 PM
Footsy is one thing, but I'll
not insert it in there.
you're not a dolt.  you're a prude.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Leto729 on June 04, 2007, 08:21:15 PM
Why should I ask You for advice?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 04, 2007, 08:35:38 PM
Why should I ask You for advice?
i don't care if you do or not, dolt!
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 09:29:00 PM
Footsy is one thing, but I'll
not insert it in there.
you're not a dolt.  you're a prude.

I don't think so. I'm definitely a bit of
a dolt, and as to being a prude, it's just
that I don't see orgasm as the end all
be all.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Leto729 on June 04, 2007, 09:57:34 PM
Why should I ask You for advice?
i don't care if you do or not, dolt!
Your the doltest.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 10:02:48 PM
dolty is as dolty does.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Leto729 on June 04, 2007, 10:37:36 PM
dolty is what as dolty was what.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 10:38:58 PM
Dolty ass is better than no ass at all.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 10:42:10 PM
i do laugh so when accused of being a lesbian.  it's a bit clichéd, of course - okay, extremely clichéd - but it still makes me snortle.

I need a thread on how to avoid becoming
attached enough to consider having sex
with someone who is WRONG for me.

i know the feeling, calandale.  the only thing i've come up with is to delay having sex until you know more about them.  yeah, right - easier said than done.   :(
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 10:45:31 PM
I usually know soon enough.
Doesn't seem to help.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 10:48:36 PM
how true.  then it's self gratification, until you're so worn out you can't have sex with someone else.  or, if even that fails, a passport and a good pair of running shoes.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 10:54:55 PM
I just find myself getting hooked on
someone (NOT my obsession) that
I've not even met, but she is SO
damned wrong. I'm enjoying
playing and flirting, but I'm
terrified that I'll be an idiot.

Actually, I'm not even so much
afraid that I'll fall into bed, as
meet and fall for her.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 10:59:22 PM
so be an idiot, cos you can what you like if you're never going to meet.  i do know what you mean, though.  best to have fantasies about people you can't even contact - at least they're safe, i find.  although the last time i did that, he moved to a couple of miles away from where i work sometimes.  yes, folks, johnny depp lives about 14 miles away from me.  i can hardly sleep at night...

(diddle, diddle, dum...  >:D )
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 11:06:04 PM
So uhm, is he as skanky as he seems?
Or, have you not done the nasty with
him?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 11:08:25 PM
So uhm, is he as skanky as he seems?
Or, have you not done the nasty with
him?

only in my dreams, sadly.   :violin:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 11:09:44 PM
skanky, or not done?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 11:12:50 PM
not done.  who gives a flying fuck about skanky if they're that pretty?

eyeliner and dreads... droooooooool...
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 11:15:22 PM
Frankly, I just don't see it.
Reminds me of prince.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 04, 2007, 11:18:12 PM
good gods - please stop!  he's about a foot too short for me, apart from anything else.  (and there's a lot else, obviously).   :puke:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 04, 2007, 11:24:36 PM
How tall do you need?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 05, 2007, 01:07:29 AM
at least 6'.  otherwise i'll be looking down on his head, when i'm wearing my favourite boots.  6'2" is jolly.  anything above 6'5" is cervically challenging.  (and i mean the neck, not the other cervical   ::) ).
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 05, 2007, 01:10:06 AM
I shan't speak my height then.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 05, 2007, 01:20:45 AM
2' 6?  ;)

no, really, you absolutely have to now, or i'll expire from curiosity.   you don't look either short or tall in those pictures of you.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 05, 2007, 01:22:54 AM
Neither. But not to your standards,
and i shan't tell you by how much,
therefore leaving you with some
illusions.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Eclair on June 05, 2007, 03:47:05 AM
i do laugh so when accused of being a lesbian.  it's a bit clichéd, of course - okay, extremely clichéd - but it still makes me snortle.

I need a thread on how to avoid becoming
attached enough to consider having sex
with someone who is WRONG for me.

i know the feeling, calandale.  the only thing i've come up with is to delay having sex until you know more about them.  yeah, right - easier said than done.   :(
Three months?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 05, 2007, 10:10:24 AM
i do laugh so when accused of being a lesbian.  it's a bit clichéd, of course - okay, extremely clichéd - but it still makes me snortle.

I need a thread on how to avoid becoming
attached enough to consider having sex
with someone who is WRONG for me.

i know the feeling, calandale.  the only thing i've come up with is to delay having sex until you know more about them.  yeah, right - easier said than done.   :(
Three months?

THREE MONTHS??!!!  are you mad??  i was thinking more like three weeks, and that's pushing it.  i feel faint...   :o
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: odeon on June 05, 2007, 11:51:06 AM
The only thing you need to do to delay sex is to get married and have kids. It's really that simple. ;D
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: ozymandias on June 05, 2007, 11:54:44 AM
The only thing you need to do to delay sex is to get married and have kids. It's really that simple. ;D

How do you explain Dunc and PI??? :eyebrows:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 05, 2007, 11:55:28 AM
The only thing you need to do to delay sex is to get married and have kids. It's really that simple. ;D

How do you explain Dunc and PI??? :eyebrows:

Motivated?  :laugh:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 05, 2007, 11:56:17 AM
i do laugh so when accused of being a lesbian.  it's a bit clichéd, of course - okay, extremely clichéd - but it still makes me snortle.

I need a thread on how to avoid becoming
attached enough to consider having sex
with someone who is WRONG for me.

i know the feeling, calandale.  the only thing i've come up with is to delay having sex until you know more about them.  yeah, right - easier said than done.   :(
Three months?

THREE MONTHS??!!!  are you mad??  i was thinking more like three weeks, and that's pushing it.  i feel faint...   :o

It's not an issue of delay. It's an issue of
just not falling for a person. It just seems
so easy to fall for anyone I'm attracted to,
and with me, that means another damned
permanent thing.


The only thing you need to do to delay sex is to get married and have kids. It's really that simple. ;D

I'd rather be flayed, and left to be eaten by red ants.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: odeon on June 05, 2007, 12:02:08 PM
The only thing you need to do to delay sex is to get married and have kids. It's really that simple. ;D

How do you explain Dunc and PI??? :eyebrows:

Um, yes, well, er... :laugh: Anomalies are bound to exist. I can (obviously) only speak for myself and...  :-[ Let's just say that it's been a while.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Callaway on June 05, 2007, 12:04:12 PM
The only thing you need to do to delay sex is to get married and have kids. It's really that simple. ;D

How do you explain Dunc and PI??? :eyebrows:

Good locks and awesomely distractible (or obedient) children?

 :evillaugh:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 05, 2007, 12:06:05 PM
Not at all -why do you think we're both so tired all the time?  We're up half the night shagging.  >:D
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 05, 2007, 12:27:49 PM
The only thing you need to do to delay sex is to get married and have kids. It's really that simple. ;D

How do you explain Dunc and PI??? :eyebrows:

Um, yes, well, er... :laugh: Anomalies are bound to exist. I can (obviously) only speak for myself and...  :-[ Let's just say that it's been a while.

that's terrible.  anything i can do to help?   :eyelash:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: odeon on June 05, 2007, 12:33:56 PM
that's terrible.  anything i can do to help?   :eyelash:

Will you babysit? ;) :laugh:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 05, 2007, 12:38:06 PM
fuck.

right.

off.

it's The Eyebrow for you, son.   :eyebrow:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: odeon on June 05, 2007, 12:41:49 PM
fuck.

right.

off.

it's The Eyebrow for you, son.   :eyebrow:

Sorry but you stepped right into that one. :laugh:

Did you have something else in mind?  :eyelash:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 05, 2007, 12:45:49 PM
not any more.   :'(
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: odeon on June 05, 2007, 12:48:08 PM
Anything I can do?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 05, 2007, 01:00:43 PM
Anything I can do?

What YOU have in mind won't help Dunc any.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 05, 2007, 01:01:15 PM
Anything I can do?

What YOU have in mind won't help Dunc any.


 ???
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 05, 2007, 01:02:57 PM
don't care.  i'm not playing anymore.  i've been spurned.   :'( :'( :'(
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 05, 2007, 01:03:22 PM
don't care.  i'm not playing anymore.  i've been spurned.   :'( :'( :'(

When you'd rather have been spurred.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 05, 2007, 01:07:22 PM
at least someone's on my wavelength.  sniff.

sniff.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 05, 2007, 01:24:06 PM
Yes, they get a little funky
when I awaken; I save the
bathing for later.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 05, 2007, 01:34:28 PM
erm, how to reply...?  oh, i know:

what ho, Mr Jelly, here comes the spoon!

 ::)
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: DirtDawg on June 05, 2007, 01:35:34 PM
at least 6'.  otherwise i'll be looking down on his head, when i'm wearing my favourite boots.  6'2" is jolly.  anything above 6'5" is cervically challenging.  (and i mean the neck, not the other cervical   ::) ).

I think my snickerchuckle choked on my chortlesnort.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 05, 2007, 01:37:55 PM
i thought only dogs could do that?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 05, 2007, 01:46:41 PM
ok then, i guess the dolts are getting plenty of action....
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 05, 2007, 01:54:51 PM
Virtually so.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Leto729 on June 05, 2007, 02:01:29 PM
Virtually so.
You say always so. ;)
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 05, 2007, 02:14:25 PM
Virtually so.
You say always so. ;)
i view that emoticon as the all knowing wink.

and i don't know what the hell you are talking about. ;)
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 05, 2007, 02:14:49 PM
 :plus:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: richard on June 05, 2007, 03:01:59 PM
now that we have more girls on this site i thought that it might be interesting to teach all the scared boys how to get some snatch.
haha
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 05, 2007, 03:09:49 PM
I'm not sure that I'd be interested in
the kind of play that he engages in.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: odeon on June 05, 2007, 03:26:14 PM
don't care.  i'm not playing anymore.  i've been spurned.   :'( :'( :'(

You most certainly were not.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 05, 2007, 03:27:21 PM
still suffering.   :'(
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: odeon on June 05, 2007, 03:33:25 PM
Would it help if I said I was sorry?  :-[
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 05, 2007, 03:34:52 PM
I KNEW it.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 05, 2007, 03:38:27 PM
sorry for your part in keeping the truth hidden?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: odeon on June 05, 2007, 03:47:36 PM
I KNEW it.

Knew what?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 05, 2007, 03:48:12 PM
I KNEW it.

Knew what?

It.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: odeon on June 05, 2007, 03:51:12 PM
Oh.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Leto729 on June 05, 2007, 03:59:38 PM
Virtually so.
You say always so. ;)
i view that emoticon as the all knowing wink.

and i don't know what the hell you are talking about. ;)
Do You ever know what I am talking about. ;)
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 06, 2007, 12:56:36 AM
Would it help if I said I was sorry?  :-[

"dear lucifer, i'm sorry i spurned you."

can you see the flaw in that idea?

sniff.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Eclair on June 06, 2007, 03:30:08 AM
i do laugh so when accused of being a lesbian.  it's a bit clichéd, of course - okay, extremely clichéd - but it still makes me snortle.

I need a thread on how to avoid becoming
attached enough to consider having sex
with someone who is WRONG for me.

i know the feeling, calandale.  the only thing i've come up with is to delay having sex until you know more about them.  yeah, right - easier said than done.   :(
Three months?

THREE MONTHS??!!!  are you mad??  i was thinking more like three weeks, and that's pushing it.  i feel faint...   :o
3 minutes, 3 months...it varies!
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: El on June 06, 2007, 07:12:07 AM
that's terrible.  anything i can do to help?   :eyelash:

Will you babysit? ;) :laugh:

+  lol
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 06, 2007, 10:26:08 AM
i do laugh so when accused of being a lesbian.  it's a bit clichéd, of course - okay, extremely clichéd - but it still makes me snortle.

I need a thread on how to avoid becoming
attached enough to consider having sex
with someone who is WRONG for me.

i know the feeling, calandale.  the only thing i've come up with is to delay having sex until you know more about them.  yeah, right - easier said than done.   :(
Three months?

THREE MONTHS??!!!  are you mad??  i was thinking more like three weeks, and that's pushing it.  i feel faint...   :o
3 minutes, 3 months...it varies!

lol.  what a gal.   ;D   :plus:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 06, 2007, 12:35:41 PM
hear that dolts?
some women don't mind going three minutes between shaggings.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 06, 2007, 12:51:48 PM
only cos it takes that long to finish the job properly.   :-*
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 06, 2007, 12:57:21 PM
only cos it takes that long to finish the job properly.   :-*
then i might need thirds.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 06, 2007, 12:58:17 PM
how long does it take for you to "recover" and get ready for seconds/thirds, then, McJ?  or should i post this in your thread?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 06, 2007, 01:00:49 PM
how long does it take for you to "recover" and get ready for seconds/thirds, then, McJ?  or should i post this in your thread?
several times in my life i had just finished and as i watched the young lady bending over to pick up their panties i got in the 'mood' again.  but this time, from behind.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 06, 2007, 01:11:15 PM
impressive.  how about now, though?  and what if they don't wear underwear?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 06, 2007, 01:20:17 PM
impressive.  how about now, though?  and what if they don't wear underwear?
yeah, i doubt i van now.  but it might be different if it was some strange pussy....i have had the same for over a decade now.


if she doesn't wear panties:  she can always do jumping jacks.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 06, 2007, 01:21:09 PM
shouldn't be difficult: after all, ALL cats are strange.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 06, 2007, 01:22:12 PM
shouldn't be difficult: after all, ALL cats are strange.
yeah, but i won't penetrate someone else....
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 06, 2007, 01:25:04 PM
impressive.  how about now, though?  and what if they don't wear underwear?

If you don't wear panties the trick is to leave something in position on the floor that you just have to bend down and slowly pick up after the first shag.  :laugh:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 06, 2007, 01:25:45 PM
what?  you mean you only penetrate yourself?  fuckinell, McJ, i'm beginning to admire you.

impressive.  how about now, though?  and what if they don't wear underwear?

If you don't wear panties the trick is to leave something in position on the floor that you just have to bend down and slowly pick up after the first shag.  :laugh:

tut.  what a waste of perfectly good shagging time.   ::)
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 06, 2007, 01:28:33 PM
um, i am, well, er, getting an, um erection.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 06, 2007, 01:29:07 PM
why?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 06, 2007, 01:29:40 PM
um, i am, well, er, getting an, um erection.

Already?? Damn we'd hadn't even started. :laugh:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: ozymandias on June 06, 2007, 01:33:30 PM
Frisky he is, yes. :eyebrows:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 06, 2007, 01:34:26 PM
I secretly think he likes to tease us all before fucking off back to work.  :o  (well not so secretly now I guess  :laugh: )
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 06, 2007, 01:35:18 PM
really?  do you feel teased, PI?  am i missing something?  (typical... ::) ).
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 06, 2007, 01:35:55 PM
really?  do you feel teased, PI?  am i missing something?  (typical... ::) ).

Not this evening unfortunately.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 06, 2007, 01:37:30 PM
*Lucifer tries to find Space Dust to send to PI...*

now, where did i put that stash?  any preference for flavour?  oh, actually, it doesn't matter what flavour, unless you really are a contortionist...   :eyebrows:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 06, 2007, 01:40:06 PM
Well once the kids finally decide that they are actually tired I might just have to see if Dunc is ready to jump back on the bicycle  :eyebrows:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 06, 2007, 01:42:49 PM
(http://www.multinet.no/~jonarne/Hjemmesia/Favorittartister/queen/bicycle_race.jpg)

(and no, i'm not suggesting anything about PI).
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 06, 2007, 01:43:28 PM
Although I was suggesting I was Dunc's bicycle  :o
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 06, 2007, 01:44:20 PM
tut.  i knew that.  but then, does dunc look like that with red knickers on?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 06, 2007, 01:47:30 PM
tut.  i knew that.  but then, does dunc look like that with red knickers on?

I can't say he's ever tried any on to tell you.  :laugh:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 06, 2007, 01:48:52 PM
well, i won't charge you for that little bit of sex therapy advice, seeing as how you're you.   :-*

 :laugh:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Eclair on June 06, 2007, 02:29:40 PM
hear that dolts?
some women don't mind going three minutes between shaggings.
Um actually, that was three minutes between first meeting and shagging to be more precise. >:D
True story.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: ozymandias on June 06, 2007, 02:34:11 PM
WEll nothing like not wasting time! :eyebrows:  Lust at first sight!
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Eclair on June 06, 2007, 02:37:37 PM
WEll nothing like not wasting time! :eyebrows:  Lust at first sight!
I had an itch.  Picked a victim.  Told them to scratch it.
Fixed!

Actually fixed a few times over!  Happy days.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 06, 2007, 02:40:45 PM
i KNEW she was fab!

i remember that one, eclair.  luckily, i'm not so old my long term memory has gone...   :'(
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Eclair on June 06, 2007, 02:45:22 PM
i KNEW she was fab!

i remember that one, eclair.  luckily, i'm not so old my long term memory has gone...   :'(
You were at WP and read the story?  Don't think I've recounted the whole thing here.
Maybe partially.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: ozymandias on June 06, 2007, 02:46:42 PM
WEll nothing like not wasting time! :eyebrows:  Lust at first sight!
I had an itch.  Picked a victim.  Told them to scratch it.
Fixed!

Actually fixed a few times over!  Happy days.

More power to ya! ;)
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Eclair on June 06, 2007, 02:50:59 PM
WEll nothing like not wasting time! :eyebrows:  Lust at first sight!
I had an itch.  Picked a victim.  Told them to scratch it.Fixed!

Actually fixed a few times over!  Happy days.

More power to ya! ;)
Sorry...it was mutual scratching, I'm sure! 
Don't want anyone to think I'm selfish about these things!
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: ozymandias on June 06, 2007, 05:43:17 PM
WEll nothing like not wasting time! :eyebrows:  Lust at first sight!
I had an itch.  Picked a victim.  Told them to scratch it.Fixed!

Actually fixed a few times over!  Happy days.

More power to ya! ;)
Sorry...it was mutual scratching, I'm sure! 
Don't want anyone to think I'm selfish about these things!

Not the first time I'v heard this happening first hand.  And it happened to me once! :green:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 06, 2007, 05:50:02 PM
it happened even faster for me.....but it cost me $40
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: El on June 06, 2007, 05:55:27 PM
I almost want a link to the thread containing this story.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 06, 2007, 05:57:33 PM
can you remember where it is.

all i remember is, "finish.  FINISH!"
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 06, 2007, 06:52:05 PM
i KNEW she was fab!

i remember that one, eclair.  luckily, i'm not so old my long term memory has gone...   :'(
You were at WP and read the story?  Don't think I've recounted the whole thing here.
Maybe partially.

Was a good one. Got all the boys there interested.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 07, 2007, 12:11:43 AM
i KNEW she was fab!

i remember that one, eclair.  luckily, i'm not so old my long term memory has gone...   :'(
You were at WP and read the story?  Don't think I've recounted the whole thing here.
Maybe partially.

noooo.  i mean i remember doing the same sort of thing myself.  back in the halcyon days...
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 07, 2007, 03:06:49 AM
i KNEW she was fab!

i remember that one, eclair.  luckily, i'm not so old my long term memory has gone...   :'(
You were at WP and read the story?  Don't think I've recounted the whole thing here.
Maybe partially.

noooo.  i mean i remember doing the same sort of thing myself.  back in the halcyon days...

Talking or doing?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 07, 2007, 03:55:55 AM
doing.  i have not led a life of innocence...   >:D
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Eclair on June 07, 2007, 03:59:16 AM
I almost want a link to the thread containing this story.
Yeah, I looked for it, but can't find it.  Will post a quick run down after I eat my dinner now...Indian, yummy!
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 07, 2007, 04:35:32 AM
http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&p=631723&highlight=bar#631723


Gods, I'm good.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 07, 2007, 04:45:40 AM
http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&p=631723&highlight=bar#631723


Gods, I'm good.

Yeah but that won't help those of us who wouldn't log into that place if you paid us. :P
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 07, 2007, 04:47:47 AM
good?  not a word i'd associate with you, generally.  or want to... 

(unless you mean "gooooooood", of course  >:D ).
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Eclair on June 07, 2007, 04:52:56 AM
http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&p=631723&highlight=bar#631723


Gods, I'm good.

Yeah but that won't help those of us who wouldn't log into that place if you paid us. :P
:laugh:
I felt like I was lowering myself for being on there for the 5 minutes I was looking for it! 
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Eclair on June 07, 2007, 04:55:22 AM
Cut and pasted for your teasing pleasure;

I once decided that it would be a thrill to pick up a complete stranger in true AS style...I walked into a bar, sober as a judge and saw a young guy there probably about 7 years younger than me. I went over to him, introduced myself and said something like, well we can sit here and talk for hours or we could just go and f**k all night. He chose the latter....anyway...we did a few things in public places on our way to my car....fast forward to me driving to his house while he is going down on me....

I see a random breath test stop with police everywhere pulling over cars to see test for drink driving. I tell the guy he has to stop doing me...stop, stop, stop....he doesn't, we edge closer to the rbt, I'm thinking I am going to get arrested....the policeman glances through the window as I prepare to stop....

and smiles and waves me through!
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: purposefulinsanity on June 07, 2007, 04:57:08 AM
 :clap:  Thanks for the repost.  Did you kick him out of your bed with money for a taxi home when you'd done with him? :laugh:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Eclair on June 07, 2007, 05:00:15 AM
:clap:  Thanks for the repost.  Did you kick him out of your bed with money for a taxi home when you'd done with him? :laugh:
No, I went back to his.  I must stress it was a safe as those things get.  I left before the sun came up. And that was it.
Left him with a smile on his face though!
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 07, 2007, 05:02:01 AM
blimey.  is that what they teach you on advanced driving courses?  i really should, erm, brush up my driving skills... 
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 07, 2007, 05:15:05 AM
http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&p=631723&highlight=bar#631723


Gods, I'm good.

Yeah but that won't help those of us who wouldn't log into that place if you paid us. :P

I was just amazed at how quickly I can use the search function
there - given that it's pretty non-standard.

good?  not a word i'd associate with you, generally.  or want to... 

(unless you mean "gooooooood", of course  >:D ).

I am the definition of all that is good. And I shall smite
evil whence I see it.

Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 07, 2007, 05:16:53 AM
oooooh!  sounds like i'm about to be smitten.   :eyelash:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 07, 2007, 05:19:13 AM
oooooh!  sounds like i'm about to be smitten.   :eyelash:

More likely bitten.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 07, 2007, 05:20:32 AM
where?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 07, 2007, 05:32:09 AM
Your choice, neck or wrist?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 07, 2007, 05:36:19 AM
tut.  how predictable is that?  ::)

stomach.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 07, 2007, 05:37:33 AM
tut.  how predictable is that?  ::)

stomach.

If you insist. I find it harder to draw from there.
Back is tough too, as is the ass, but both feel good.

Inner thigh is best for effect.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 07, 2007, 05:40:32 AM
oh, yes, inner thigh.  easier to get to other places, from there.    :angel:

(bit like birmingham, then).
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 07, 2007, 05:41:38 AM
A nip or two there isn't bad.
Too easy though.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 07, 2007, 05:44:12 AM
well, you'll have to pace yourself, so you may as well work up to advanced bunnies, eh?   :-*
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 07, 2007, 05:54:43 AM
well, you'll have to pace yourself, so you may as well work up to advanced bunnies, eh?   :-*

Eh? Something I should kill?
Plus, a real bite there is just too
much for most.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 07, 2007, 06:09:12 AM
oh, what would you ever do with bloody necro-bloody-oholics?   sigh...  ::)
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 07, 2007, 06:10:24 AM
oh, what would you ever do with bloody necro-bloody-oholics?   sigh...  ::)

To be fair, I've never fucked anything
that was fully dead, but not processed.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 07, 2007, 06:13:24 AM
you mean like ready meals?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 07, 2007, 06:14:32 AM
you mean like ready meals?

As long as butchered counts as ready.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 07, 2007, 06:17:40 AM
i was thinking more of those microwavable travesties, personally.  ::)
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 07, 2007, 06:20:36 AM
i was thinking more of those microwavable travesties, personally.  ::)

Thought it said transvestites!

No, frozen is bad - it's like licking the pole in winter.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 07, 2007, 06:23:17 AM
i was thinking more of those microwavable travesties, personally.  ::)

Thought it said transvestites!

No, frozen is bad - it's like licking the pole in winter.

the difference being that liquids expand when they're frozen.   :laugh:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 07, 2007, 06:24:18 AM
i was thinking more of those microwavable travesties, personally.  ::)

Thought it said transvestites!

No, frozen is bad - it's like licking the pole in winter.

the difference being that liquids expand when they're frozen.   :laugh:

Certainly have USED frozen meat, but only on others.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 07, 2007, 06:26:15 AM
it'd have to be frozen tofu - i'm a veggie.  ;)
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 07, 2007, 06:31:35 AM
Cut and pasted for your teasing pleasure;

I once decided that it would be a thrill to pick up a complete stranger in true AS style...I walked into a bar, sober as a judge and saw a young guy there probably about 7 years younger than me. I went over to him, introduced myself and said something like, well we can sit here and talk for hours or we could just go and f**k all night. He chose the latter....anyway...we did a few things in public places on our way to my car....fast forward to me driving to his house while he is going down on me....

I see a random breath test stop with police everywhere pulling over cars to see test for drink driving. I tell the guy he has to stop doing me...stop, stop, stop....he doesn't, we edge closer to the rbt, I'm thinking I am going to get arrested....the policeman glances through the window as I prepare to stop....

and smiles and waves me through!
yeah, that took me all of two minutes to want to hop back in the saddle, again.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Calandale on June 07, 2007, 06:34:17 AM
it'd have to be frozen tofu - i'm a veggie.  ;)

Hmm...It's not like you're the one
eating it out of there.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Eclair on June 07, 2007, 06:34:58 AM
Cut and pasted for your teasing pleasure;

I once decided that it would be a thrill to pick up a complete stranger in true AS style...I walked into a bar, sober as a judge and saw a young guy there probably about 7 years younger than me. I went over to him, introduced myself and said something like, well we can sit here and talk for hours or we could just go and f**k all night. He chose the latter....anyway...we did a few things in public places on our way to my car....fast forward to me driving to his house while he is going down on me....

I see a random breath test stop with police everywhere pulling over cars to see test for drink driving. I tell the guy he has to stop doing me...stop, stop, stop....he doesn't, we edge closer to the rbt, I'm thinking I am going to get arrested....the policeman glances through the window as I prepare to stop....

and smiles and waves me through!
yeah, that took me all of two minutes to want to hop back in the saddle, again.
Are you saying you want to ride the wild pony?  ;)
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Lucifer on June 07, 2007, 06:35:30 AM
it'd have to be frozen tofu - i'm a veggie.  ;)

Hmm...It's not like you're the one
eating it out of there.

oooooh... 

*shivers all over*

  :-*
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on April 16, 2013, 03:24:30 PM
Off crap. I'm pissing myself reading this thread.

I wonder I peegai ever got some snatch.

And lit, do you remember Linda?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: badcucumber on May 28, 2013, 06:27:22 AM
You need to drink piss to learn to be humble, you bitches. A lot of it.  8)

Maybe you should teach us since you're such a humble piss drinker yourself? :laugh:

No, those two are far too old for me anyway. Piss from a 15 year old on the other hand -- yummy!  :P

this is clearly a remark about pedophila

maybe i should contact the police
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on May 28, 2013, 06:37:29 AM
You need to drink piss to learn to be humble, you bitches. A lot of it.  8)

Maybe you should teach us since you're such a humble piss drinker yourself? :laugh:

No, those two are far too old for me anyway. Piss from a 15 year old on the other hand -- yummy!  :P

this is clearly a remark about pedophila

maybe i should contact the police
not certain, but I recall that the age of consent in his country is 15?

Is 5 years old the age of consent anywhere?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: badcucumber on May 28, 2013, 06:58:10 AM
this website is hosted in the united states, and must follow the rules of the united states  :orly:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Al Swearegen on May 28, 2013, 07:17:29 AM
this website is hosted in the united states, and must follow the rules of the united states  :orly:

Sorry Eris doesn't cut it. If he does drink piss from a 15 year old in his country, he has not broken any rule as I would not if I was 18 and drinking whilst typing in Australia. He can neither be charged nor can he or the forum be liable for him reporting on exual activities with kids of the age of consent in his country.  :orly:
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on May 28, 2013, 07:21:16 AM
Meth is a dangerous drug.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Genesis on May 28, 2013, 09:51:44 PM
Meth is a dangerous drug.

Anything is dangerous when used in large amounts...
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: odeon on May 29, 2013, 11:26:14 PM
I wonder what sent her off the deep end.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Al Swearegen on May 30, 2013, 04:33:57 AM
I wonder what sent her off the deep end.

I think you wanted to hear disgusting stories about child molestation. I wonder what the cops will think ?

I don't think McJagger cares. I don't think the cops will.

I am gonna write that email tonight though. Was up in the air about whether to write it or not given what Bodie wrote. But Hell, you have encouraged me. Thanks Eris. Oh call the cops or not, I don't care.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on May 30, 2013, 07:44:16 AM
I wonder what sent her off the deep end.

I think you wanted to hear disgusting stories about child molestation. I wonder what the cops will think ?

I don't think McJagger cares. I don't think the cops will.

I am gonna write that email tonight though. Was up in the air about whether to write it or not given what Bodie wrote. But Hell, you have encouraged me. Thanks Eris. Oh call the cops or not, I don't care.
al made her PHC.
Piss herself crying.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: odeon on June 08, 2013, 01:22:10 AM
Was that what happened?
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: McGiver on June 08, 2013, 07:23:41 AM
Was that what happened?
yes she cried. Pissed. And left.
Title: Re: teach a dolt to get laid.
Post by: Bastet on June 08, 2013, 07:04:16 PM
You need to drink piss to learn to be humble, you bitches. A lot of it.  8)

Maybe you should teach us since you're such a humble piss drinker yourself? :laugh:

No, those two are far too old for me anyway. Piss from a 15 year old on the other hand -- yummy!  :P

this is clearly a remark about pedophila

maybe i should contact the police

It is not pedophilia, it is epebophilia. And you are just the same with the talk of drinking cum of teen boys.