INTENSITY²
Start here => What's your crime? Basic Discussion => Topic started by: McGiver on April 21, 2007, 06:25:28 AM
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does anybody have any good stories to share?
i want actual brushes with death. stories of seeing someone die or seeing a dead person.
close calls. or even, i should have been on that train that jumped the track stories.
please share, i am curious.
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When I went with my parents to Germany many years ago there was a terrible traffic accident, but we actually didn't see what happened to the people in the cars, though they must almost certainly have been killed. We were driving through Denmark, where people drive very fast. The speed limit was 130 kmph/80mph, but many people drove much faster. One car in our lane was trying to pass another car and had a frontal collision with another car that came from the opposite direction. The car trying to pass was smashed so that the front was half way through the coupé, so that the people in the front seat must have been totally forcemeat.
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when my grandmother on my mothers side was living in an assisted living home we used to meet up every sunday for breakfast.
one time she didn't answer her phone so i just went over.
after i let myself in i saw that her mattress had slid off of her boxspring and she fell out of bed. her neck was trapped between a tv tray and the mattress. she was all stiff,and if i remember correctly, she was a light bluish colour.
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I once saw a dead alcoholic or drug addict or whatever he might have been, laying on the street, when I was in Stockholm. It was totally undramatic, though, just sad.
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My wife was the one who found my ex after she OD'd.
The body was clearly dead, with blood pooling inside.
She called 911, and was told to try and resuscitate
the body. She refused - another person in the house
tried though. When the medics arrived, they estimated
the time of death to several hours before (actually an
impossible time, because she had been up and moving
then); but we got a big kick out of the idea of trying
to give mouth to mouth to such an obvious corpse.
I think I saw a couple of dead people on the streets,
but I never was morbid enough to really check. Could
have just been drunks, but they didn't look like they were
breathing.
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does getting cancer count?
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I almost killed my father this afternoon, and may yet still, does that count?
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how/why did you almost kill him?
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My father has exactly the opposite capacity to deal with problems that I do. We lost some keys, he decided to drag me, him, and 50 feet of the earth in every direction of my house strait to hell. I went outside, got inside the car with a coat hanger, and pulled the shifter into neutral, allowing us to push the car the required 10 feet.
I really would like to kill him. Not hurt him, just make him die, and be quiet.
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lol, my dad is similar, but then to an extent so am i. hope noone kills either of us for that..
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I really would like to kill him. Not hurt him, just make him die, and be quiet.
I feel this way about just about anyone who annoys me.
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Too many ...
Probably the single most moving, dramatic event was coming upon a housefire at night, in the central Texas area, a long way from anything civilized like a firehydrant. The fire had gotten well started and I ran in screaming my head off. It turned out that the family was already out and standing on the other side of the house, watching their dreams burn. The air was so thick with despair and other emotions that words left my mouth and just fell on the ground, without being heard. I stayed to help, but there was nothing to do. It took hours to offset the adrenaline from dashing into a burning house, in fact my heart is pounding, just remembering it, but they lost their home and it really did not matter to them. They were all safe. I just left.
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Proximity to two similar fires is a big reason I've set out to remove as much attachment to material objects from my life as possible.
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I had a choking fit while taking hallucunigenic mushrooms, terrifying memory
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I had a choking fit while taking hallucunigenic mushrooms, terrifying memory
How many grams did you take ??
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I get regular asthma (I think) attacks which are pretty damned scary.
The first time it happened, I thought I was choking. Since then, I've
learned to ride them out, usually trying to breathe. There was one
time when I felt I had a clear option to die though. I was calm, and
wish I had taken it. Was pretty upset afterwards, at my choice.
Fire is bad shit. My psycho ex had her place burn down. Pretty much
a total loss. The only good thing was she didn't own much.
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Before I posted earlier I wrote out thousand-dorw essays describing a few of the more impacting things I've seen. Actually three different ones, each with a little different interpretation of which events, or grouping of events, affected me more. I deleted them, because I think they gave too much detail in some areas. I will try again, later.
I don't even know if I posted about the "hi...you knew my father" email I got, but that old story is beginning to bug me, more than the others.
(fucking can't type!)
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dirt dawg, now i am intrigued...post these stories soon please :)
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dirt dawg, now i am intrigued...post these stories soon please :)
I wasn't satisfied with my first attempts and I deleted them, but I will try again.
It's just a bunch of dead people, again, anyway.
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I don't remember you posting anything about a "hi, you knew my father" email.
*is curious*
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I got my foot snagged on an obstruction and fell into a channel from a pier once when I was, oh, 5 or 6, I think. This was early spring, so the water in the channel was running pretty rapidly and I was dragged along for a little bit. I couldn't swim and the water was freezing cold. My dad had to dive in and rescue me. Both he and I nearly froze to death afterwards because the water was so cold.
I recall being pretty oblivious to the fact that I could have drowned afterwards, I think. Comes with the territory when you're only 5 years old, I guess.
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i once got almost hit by a car. once i got almost hit by a bus. do those count? :P
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i once got almost hit by a car. once i got almost hit by a bus. do those count? :P
there i was , waiting at the bus stop. and the bus never stopped.
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After the seizure caused by ECT the brain flatlines on the EEG for a few seconds. Guess that's like being brain-dead. I found this out after I had it eight times, the bastards.
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After the seizure caused by ECT the brain flatlines on the EEG for a few seconds. Guess that's like being brain-dead. I found this out after I had it eight times, the bastards.
What's ECT?
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Electro-convulsive therapy. Some people know it as shock treatment.
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why did you have shock treatment eight times?
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I was really depressed and none of the anti-depressants were working at the time. I agreed to the ECT beacause I hoped it would render me brain-dead for good. I felt I had nothing to lose.
BTW, I am not so glum now.
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I was really depressed and none of the anti-depressants were working at the time. I agreed to the ECT beacause I hoped it would render me brain-dead for good. I felt I had nothing to lose.
BTW, I am not so glum now.
was this done at a hospital.
or in someones basement?
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:laugh:
It was done at a hospital. I spent three months there. I tried to escape once but the cops found me and brought me back.
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:laugh:
It was done at a hospital. I spent three months there. I tried to escape once but the cops found me and brought me back.
i have a feeling that once we unwrap you that you have a very interesting story to tell.
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well unwrap him then. :flasher: or is it her?
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:laugh:
It was done at a hospital. I spent three months there. I tried to escape once but the cops found me and brought me back.
i have a feeling that once we unwrap you that you have a very interesting story to tell.
I have a story very similar to that, except that I didn't get ECT. So far, I've only told Odeon and Zer0 about it. It was actually as weird as what happened to Dec before he went crazy; I was illegally put into mental ward by authorities forgering records. That's one of the reasons for my hatred against authorities and my username here as well.
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Lit, how long before they realised you didn't need to be there?
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Who forged the records and why? What happened to them once you got out?
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Lit, how long before they realised you didn't need to be there?
They knew from the very beginning that I didn't need to be there.
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Who forged the records and why? What happened to them once you got out?
We have kind of a civil court (not like a crime court) handling cases when people are taken into mental ward against their will. They forged my mum's testimony, which was in my favour, to keep me locked up.
I was very young at that time, so I didn't do anything against them that time. But I've sworn that it'll never happen again. I've been harder and more ruthless with age and with new knowledge of how common things like these are in this country. Any authority person who tries to tread on me in the future will pay very dearly.
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Who forged the records and why? What happened to them once you got out?
We have kind of a civil court (not like a crime court) handling cases when people are taken into mental ward against their will. They forged my mum's testimony, which was in my favour, to keep me locked up.
I was very young at that time, so I didn't do anything against them that time. But I've sworn that it'll never happen again. I've been harder and more ruthless with age and with new knowledge of how common things like these are in this country. Any authority person who tries to tread on me in the future will pay very dearly.
Similar things like this used to happen in the US. The Movie "One Flew over the Cucu's Nest" was about that. We read reports about it in my high school Psycology class.
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Who forged the records and why? What happened to them once you got out?
We have kind of a civil court (not like a crime court) handling cases when people are taken into mental ward against their will. They forged my mum's testimony, which was in my favour, to keep me locked up.
I was very young at that time, so I didn't do anything against them that time. But I've sworn that it'll never happen again. I've been harder and more ruthless with age and with new knowledge of how common things like these are in this country. Any authority person who tries to tread on me in the future will pay very dearly.
Is it too late to do something about it?
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Who forged the records and why? What happened to them once you got out?
We have kind of a civil court (not like a crime court) handling cases when people are taken into mental ward against their will. They forged my mum's testimony, which was in my favour, to keep me locked up.
I was very young at that time, so I didn't do anything against them that time. But I've sworn that it'll never happen again. I've been harder and more ruthless with age and with new knowledge of how common things like these are in this country. Any authority person who tries to tread on me in the future will pay very dearly.
Is it too late to do something about it?
I guess not, but it's not worth the trouble. It was over ten years ago and it isn't in my records any more. And it was an "ordinary" hospital, not mental prison ward. But if anyone would try to do anything similar again, or worse, I'd do something about it. What busts a road sign will also bust a power-abusing bureaucrat -- or several of them. :evillaugh:
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Who forged the records and why? What happened to them once you got out?
We have kind of a civil court (not like a crime court) handling cases when people are taken into mental ward against their will. They forged my mum's testimony, which was in my favour, to keep me locked up.
I was very young at that time, so I didn't do anything against them that time. But I've sworn that it'll never happen again. I've been harder and more ruthless with age and with new knowledge of how common things like these are in this country. Any authority person who tries to tread on me in the future will pay very dearly.
Is it too late to do something about it?
I guess not, but it's not worth the trouble. It was over ten years ago and it isn't in my records any more. And it was an "ordinary" hospital, not mental prison ward. But if anyone would try to do anything similar again, or worse, I'd do something about it. What busts a road sign will also bust a power-abusing bureaucrat -- or several of them. :evillaugh:
Did you find out why they wanted you locked up? What age were you?
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Who forged the records and why? What happened to them once you got out?
We have kind of a civil court (not like a crime court) handling cases when people are taken into mental ward against their will. They forged my mum's testimony, which was in my favour, to keep me locked up.
I was very young at that time, so I didn't do anything against them that time. But I've sworn that it'll never happen again. I've been harder and more ruthless with age and with new knowledge of how common things like these are in this country. Any authority person who tries to tread on me in the future will pay very dearly.
Is it too late to do something about it?
I guess not, but it's not worth the trouble. It was over ten years ago and it isn't in my records any more. And it was an "ordinary" hospital, not mental prison ward. But if anyone would try to do anything similar again, or worse, I'd do something about it. What busts a road sign will also bust a power-abusing bureaucrat -- or several of them. :evillaugh:
Did you find out why they wanted you locked up? What age were you?
They didn't have any particular reason other than that the doctor I had wanted me to be locked up. Since I hadn't try to hurt anyone and my mum testified in my favour, they just had to forge the record. I was almost 25 at the time.
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That makes no sense. Why would a doctor want one of his patients locked up like that? Did he do it to any anothers?
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That makes no sense. Why would a doctor want one of his patients locked up like that? Did he do it to any anothers?
Yes, he did it to some patients so they should take the medications he wanted them to take etc. The sickest people in the Swedish mental ward are the doctors. The psychs are the real psychopaths.
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I was really depressed and none of the anti-depressants were working at the time. I agreed to the ECT beacause I hoped it would render me brain-dead for good. I felt I had nothing to lose.
BTW, I am not so glum now.
Wow. I can actually understand that sentiment.
I'd just be worried about losing what might be
vital.
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That makes no sense. Why would a doctor want one of his patients locked up like that? Did he do it to any anothers?
Yes, he did it to some patients so they should take the medications he wanted them to take etc. The sickest people in the Swedish mental ward are the doctors. The psychs are the real psychopaths.
if i can figure out a way to smuggle you a glock, will you shoot the doctor?
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Lit and I are actually in perfect agreement about this country's so-called mental health care. Lots of people have paid dearly for trusting these so-called professionals.
There are exceptions but they are few, easily counted. The place where I got my dx is one. That's one of the very few places where they don't assume they know everything about ASDs, in spite of having met, treated, and dx'd hundreds of patients on the spectrum.
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sociopaths gravitate toward positions of power, especially healthcare, politics and child-care. of course the same goes for people who truly care and want to help people. makes it kinda tricky.
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It is much more difficult to involuntarily commit someone for mental health treatment here in the U.S. The person gets an attorney, for free if he can't afford one, and it goes to trial. Whoever wants to involuntarily commit the person has to prove to the judge that the person is a danger to himself or others. It has to go to trial again if they want to keep the person committed over a certain number of days. In my experience, they want to get the person out of the mental hospital as soon as possible.
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I was really depressed and none of the anti-depressants were working at the time. I agreed to the ECT beacause I hoped it would render me brain-dead for good. I felt I had nothing to lose.
BTW, I am not so glum now.
Wow. I can actually understand that sentiment.
I'd just be worried about losing what might be
vital.
I lost a lot of memory. There are chunks of time that are just missing and I still haven't remembered them.
Also my RAM (as I call it!) is probably less than half of what it used to be and it was never any good in the first place.
They say that it takes about two months for memory to go back to normal. Maybe that is for some people but it is still affecting me now, a year later.
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sociopaths gravitate toward positions of power, especially healthcare, politics and child-care. of course the same goes for people who truly care and want to help people. makes it kinda tricky.
I think its more often that NPD's gravitate towards power.
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That makes no sense. Why would a doctor want one of his patients locked up like that? Did he do it to any anothers?
Yes, he did it to some patients so they should take the medications he wanted them to take etc. The sickest people in the Swedish mental ward are the doctors. The psychs are the real psychopaths.
if i can figure out a way to smuggle you a glock, will you shoot the doctor?
He moved to Norway and is 70 years or so by now. But I would use a Glock to shoot anyone who tried doing that or something similar to me again, for sure. And I already have my explosives. I could make a hell of a mess even without a gun, if the cops don't take me by surprise, that is.
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It is much more difficult to involuntarily commit someone for mental health treatment here in the U.S. The person gets an attorney, for free if he can't afford one, and it goes to trial. Whoever wants to involuntarily commit the person has to prove to the judge that the person is a danger to himself or others. It has to go to trial again if they want to keep the person committed over a certain number of days. In my experience, they want to get the person out of the mental hospital as soon as possible.
We have that process here too, but the authorities do as they please. I had a lawyer and my mum testified in my favour. She said that I have a strong temper but that I'd never been that angry before and that it most likely was due to the lack of medication. The court somehow "misunderstood" her words, because in their decision, they motivated keeping me with having threatened to kill my mother and having incestous feelings for her! ::) We have a right to appeal here too, but they kept me drugged on sedatives, so that I couldn't put myself together to write an appeal brief before the time to do so (three weeks) had expired. I actually fear and hate the authorities more than any criminal gang.
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sociopaths gravitate toward positions of power, especially healthcare, politics and child-care. of course the same goes for people who truly care and want to help people. makes it kinda tricky.
I think its more often that NPD's gravitate towards power.
what are NPD? people with normal personality disorder?
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I was really depressed and none of the anti-depressants were working at the time. I agreed to the ECT beacause I hoped it would render me brain-dead for good. I felt I had nothing to lose.
BTW, I am not so glum now.
Wow. I can actually understand that sentiment.
I'd just be worried about losing what might be
vital.
I lost a lot of memory. There are chunks of time that are just missing and I still haven't remembered them.
Also my RAM (as I call it!) is probably less than half of what it used to be and it was never any good in the first place.
They say that it takes about two months for memory to go back to normal. Maybe that is for some people but it is still affecting me now, a year later.
i am just having a hard time thinking of shock therapy as a viable treatment option.
i always think of it as a torture technique.
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I was really depressed and none of the anti-depressants were working at the time. I agreed to the ECT beacause I hoped it would render me brain-dead for good. I felt I had nothing to lose.
BTW, I am not so glum now.
Wow. I can actually understand that sentiment.
I'd just be worried about losing what might be
vital.
I lost a lot of memory. There are chunks of time that are just missing and I still haven't remembered them.
Also my RAM (as I call it!) is probably less than half of what it used to be and it was never any good in the first place.
They say that it takes about two months for memory to go back to normal. Maybe that is for some people but it is still affecting me now, a year later.
i am just having a hard time thinking of shock therapy as a viable treatment option.
i always think of it as a torture technique.
They don't give it the way they used to, but I think it mostly hurts the brain. They still do it here in Sweden on occasions.
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didn't exactly get sold on the idea from that scene in Requiem for a dream (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Requiem_for_a_dream)
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didn't exactly get sold on the idea from that scene in Requiem for a dream (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Requiem_for_a_dream)
Yes, I just read about that. I've seen what ECT did for one guy, he actually wanted to live life again. Others I saw get it - they were all women - I kind of got the feeling they wanted attention for getting ECT, they would almost brag about it to the other patients.
I was ashamed, really scraping the bottom of the barrel. My family were against me for deciding to go ahead with it. Even now they won't talk about it with me. They've always viewed me as the crazy one. Unstable.
I got given general anaesthesia for ECT and I think that was the best bit. I liked the feeling of going under, that probably seems weird, heh.
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it's a trade off, you can lose precious memories but actually make some new ones because you're not deathly depressed anymore.
i wouldn't want to lose my memories, it must be a sucky place to be in when you have to sacrifice something like that. some woman on TV said she lost the memory of her wedding or something.
but then there are some memories i'd love to get rid of, if only you could choose which ones to lose...
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I can't remember meeting GA for the first time in real life at all. I can't remember how exactly I got to hospital or what I did the first two months I was there. Apparently I slept a lot and didn't talk to anyone.
Also my family spent some time with me on Christmas Day there and I can't remember any of it.
Worst thing is, my memory is still shithouse. Learning anything is really hard. :violin:
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sociopaths gravitate toward positions of power, especially healthcare, politics and child-care. of course the same goes for people who truly care and want to help people. makes it kinda tricky.
I think its more often that NPD's gravitate towards power.
what are NPD? people with normal personality disorder?
:laugh: ;D Narcisist Personality Disorder. ;) :asthing:
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sociopaths are often narcissistic personalities... but narcissistic personalities aren't all sociopaths.
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sociopaths are often narcissistic personalities... but narcissistic personalities aren't all sociopaths.
When the two are co-morbid, I believe that's called Malignant Narcissist Personality disorder.
Most sociopaths go undaignosed though.
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sociopaths are often narcissistic personalities... but narcissistic personalities aren't all sociopaths.
When the two are co-morbid, I believe that's called Malignant Narcissist Personality disorder.
Most sociopaths go undaignosed though.
Hmm...I wonder why? One learns to hide such things from those who
lock you away.
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sociopaths are often narcissistic personalities... but narcissistic personalities aren't all sociopaths.
When the two are co-morbid, I believe that's called Malignant Narcissist Personality disorder.
Most sociopaths go undaignosed though.
MNP yah another blurry set of lines to ocstrise the different
a few people have toled me in a sociopath
but im not sure of teh criteria for it
all i kwno is they kill people and i have never kiled any one yet
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a few people have toled me in a sociopath
but im not sure of teh criteria for it
all i kwno is they kill people and i have never kiled any one yet
I've never actually toled myself into a sociopath.
Though I did have regular sex with one. I don't
think that one has to kill to be a sociopath. I'm
pretty sure that I'm one, and I haven't killed
(at least not that I could prove to myself).
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Who had she killed?
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Who had she killed?
No one. But she sure wanted to.
Unlike me, specific people - long
term hatreds. That and the story
that you already know about wanting
to kill for sexual pleasure. She did like
watching snuff films though.
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sociopaths just don't have empathy for other people. that doesn't mean they are all killers. many politicians are sociopaths, they like to fuck with people or use people for their own selfish purposes. like for example... send people to war so they can make money on oil... ::)
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Does it have to be all people?
I actually feel that I have TOO
much empathy. I see someone
suffering, and feel such pain.
BUT, I rather like pain. :evillaugh:
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i have a lot of empathy too. sounds like you're not a psychopath Calandale, sorry. :P *feels your pain*
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i have a lot of empathy too. sounds like you're not a psychopath Calandale, sorry. :P *feels your pain*
It's ok. I can live without the label.
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i bet y'have a heart o' gold :P
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i bet y'have a heart o' gold :P
Yep. I just hate people.
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hey, in this world that's pretty common :P
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hey, in this world that's pretty common :P
Fairly common in this little world, too.
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I have lots of empathy, but my mom tells me I don't. ::)
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I have lots of empathy, but my mom tells me I don't. ::)
That's what my mum used to say. :-\
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I have lots of empathy, but my mom tells me I don't. ::)
That's what my mum used to say. :-\
My mum loves me but nevertheless she says that I'm a hair of the Devil.
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My mum loves me too, and I'm the only person in the world who she feels comfortable talking to and the only person she gets along with. She thinks I'm the only person who understands her, and she tells me about her problems and asks for my advice.
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My mum loves me more than she loves my dad and my brother, despite my devilishisness. 8)
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hey, in this world that's pretty common :P
I love insensitive ginger twats like myself.
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My mum loves me more than she loves my dad and my brother, despite my devilishisness. 8)
Maybe because of. I know that my mother sees
the way that I fuck up as something akin to
herself.
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My mum loves me too, and I'm the only person in the world who she feels comfortable talking to and the only person she gets along with. She thinks I'm the only person who understands her, and she tells me about her problems and asks for my advice.
and she still charges you rent?
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My mum loves me too, and I'm the only person in the world who she feels comfortable talking to and the only person she gets along with. She thinks I'm the only person who understands her, and she tells me about her problems and asks for my advice.
and she still charges you rent?
Yes, but I get a discount for being so amazing.
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My mum loves me too, and I'm the only person in the world who she feels comfortable talking to and the only person she gets along with. She thinks I'm the only person who understands her, and she tells me about her problems and asks for my advice.
and she still charges you rent?
Yes, but I get a discount for being so amazing.
....in bed?
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...with his mother?
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...with his mother?
it's pete. you never know!
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I want pics.
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My mum loves me too, and I'm the only person in the world who she feels comfortable talking to and the only person she gets along with. She thinks I'm the only person who understands her, and she tells me about her problems and asks for my advice.
and she still charges you rent?
Yes, but I get a discount for being so amazing.
....in bed?
No, for always being there when she needs help and wants to talk about stuff.
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You are such a better son than I am.
I run and hide from my mother, when
possible.
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I love my mother. She calls me "my first born" and "my big boy". :)
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Mine reminds me constantly that
she brought me into the world,
so she has every right to take me
out. :laugh:
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my mom asks for my advice too. she says i have amazing abilities to help others even though i can't help myself. :P
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my mom asks for my advice too. she says i have amazing abilities to help others even though i can't help myself. :P
keen sense of insight?
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i can often tell what is wrong with other people's lives and how they should solve their problems but of course i can't figure out how to fix my own crap. i'm like a fortune teller who never wins the lottery.
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i can often tell what is wrong with other people's lives and how they should solve their problems but of course i can't figure out how to fix my own crap. i'm like a fortune teller who never wins the lottery.
it is as if you lose one sense the other senses are heightend.
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yeah or just a funky sense of humor god has :P
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yeah or just a funky sense of humor god has :P
that bastard. how dare him pick on you.
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yeah or just a funky sense of humor god has :P
that bastard. how dare him pick on you.
It's a her. I've communed with it.
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mother-father god is a hermaphrodite
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mother-father god is a hermaphrodite
still a bastard.
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mother-father god is a hermaphrodite
We're talking about Pyraxis here, right?
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is pyraxis god?
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I do believe that she is the embodiment of all
evil, yes.
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is pyraxis god?
either her or PI.
i cannot decide which of the two makes me tremble in fear the most.
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PI in all her benevolence and AV awesomeness is god and pyraxis is the devil.
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PI in all her benevolence and AV awesomeness is god and pyraxis is the devil.
i fear them equally, then. and for different reasons.
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You really should fear me Mcjagger. >:D
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You really should fear me Mcjagger. >:D
what are you going to do about it if i don't?
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You really should fear me Mcjagger. >:D
what are you going to do about it if i don't?
Not sure, but then I have 72 hours to decide ;)
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You really should fear me Mcjagger. >:D
what are you going to do about it if i don't?
Not sure, but then I have 72 hours to decide ;)
git on with it, get.
or i may just fall asleep.
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I can't, I've been totally uninspired this weekend- being around children just does nothing for a perverts imagination.
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I can't, I've been totally uninspired this weekend- being around children just does nothing for a perverts imagination.
you git a week to show results, get.
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I can't, I've been totally uninspired this weekend- being around children just does nothing for a perverts imagination.
you git a week to show results, get.
I think you're forgetting who's in charge in this one. :spank:
(BTW- why is the word for this emoticon spank when its quite clearly a paddling?)
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I can't, I've been totally uninspired this weekend- being around children just does nothing for a perverts imagination.
you git a week to show results, get.
I think you're forgetting who's in charge in this one. :spank:
(BTW- why is the word for this emoticon spank when its quite clearly a paddling?)
as you say, madam! :-[
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I can't, I've been totally uninspired this weekend- being around children just does nothing for a perverts imagination.
Is this a jab at US?
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I can't, I've been totally uninspired this weekend- being around children just does nothing for a perverts imagination.
Is this a jab at US?
posting directly in the mirror.
i would imagine.
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I can't, I've been totally uninspired this weekend- being around children just does nothing for a perverts imagination.
Depend's on the pervert. :eyebrows:
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I can't, I've been totally uninspired this weekend- being around children just does nothing for a perverts imagination.
Is this a jab at US?
No, in plainer English it means : I haven't been able to write more smut this weekend because my kids have all been around so and its difficult to sit day dreaming about that kind of thing when they are.
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I can't, I've been totally uninspired this weekend- being around children just does nothing for a perverts imagination.
Is this a jab at US?
posting directly in the mirror.
i would imagine.
Who??
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I can't, I've been totally uninspired this weekend- being around children just does nothing for a perverts imagination.
Is this a jab at US?
No, in plainer English it means : I haven't been able to write more smut this weekend because my kids have all been around so and its difficult to sit day dreaming about that kind of thing when they are.
SMUT? And here I was thinking that we were only posting intellectual stuff.
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I didn't say I was posting it ;)
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No shit? You write porn for a living?
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No shit? You write porn for a living?
Nah, just a select audience, I'm not particularly good I just enjoy to do it.
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No shit? You write porn for a living?
Nah, just a select audience, I'm not particularly good I just enjoy to do it.
How select? One?
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It depends- I've posted a couple here, some I've posted elsewhere, others has just been shared with a couple of people.
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I think that was a broad hint you have a new potential audience member.
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Thanks. I was thinking of how to express that.
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Ok- the stuff I posted on Intensity is here (although being written for an Intensity audience its possibly too vanilla for you)
http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?topic=1870.0 (http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?topic=1870.0)
http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?topic=2789.0 (http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?topic=2789.0)
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I think that was a broad hint you have a new potential audience member.
I did pick up on the hint I was just reluctant to do anything about it- we don't all have your self-assurance :P
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I think that was a broad hint you have a new potential audience member.
I did pick up on the hint I was just reluctant to do anything about it- we don't all have your self-assurance :P
No we don't.
Thanks for the link. I'll take a peek, when I have time.
I'm trying to get grading done, and put out some fires
right now.
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I did pick up on the hint I was just reluctant to do anything about it- we don't all have your self-assurance :P
*shrug* That wasn't self-assurance, I have no emotional stake in whether calandale reads your porn or not. I figured you were well aware of the hint, I was just playfully exposing calandale.
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I did pick up on the hint I was just reluctant to do anything about it- we don't all have your self-assurance :P
*shrug* That wasn't self-assurance, I have no emotional stake in whether calandale reads your porn or not. I figured you were well aware of the hint, I was just playfully exposing calandale.
I meant that I'm less likely to feel comfortable passing on a link to something I wrote than I assume you would be about something you did. But it was only a friendly 'dig'.
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I did pick up on the hint I was just reluctant to do anything about it- we don't all have your self-assurance :P
*shrug* That wasn't self-assurance, I have no emotional stake in whether calandale reads your porn or not. I figured you were well aware of the hint, I was just playfully exposing calandale.
HEY! I don't even do that (unlike most of the males here)
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I meant that I'm less likely to feel comfortable passing on a link to something I wrote than I assume you would be about something you did. But it was only a friendly 'dig'.
:) That's just cause I hide it better.
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HEY! I don't even do that (unlike most of the males here)
;D I thought you liked a little touch of meanness on occasion.
Not that it was really mean, since you got what you wanted.
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HEY! I don't even do that (unlike most of the males here)
;D I thought you liked a little touch of meanness on occasion.
Not that it was really mean, since you got what you wanted.
Nah. But I got something, and I guess I'll settle for that.
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I meant that I'm less likely to feel comfortable passing on a link to something I wrote than I assume you would be about something you did. But it was only a friendly 'dig'.
:) That's just cause I hide it better.
I often wonder with people who seem so full of confidence in there own abilities if they actually do have at least some self-doubt hidden away in there.
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I meant that I'm less likely to feel comfortable passing on a link to something I wrote than I assume you would be about something you did. But it was only a friendly 'dig'.
:) That's just cause I hide it better.
I often wonder with people who seem so full of confidence in there own abilities if they actually do have at least some self-doubt hidden away in there.
Unless they're idiots - like Bush - I'd say yes.
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I meant that I'm less likely to feel comfortable passing on a link to something I wrote than I assume you would be about something you did. But it was only a friendly 'dig'.
:) That's just cause I hide it better.
I often wonder with people who seem so full of confidence in there own abilities if they actually do have at least some self-doubt hidden away in there.
i do.
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I meant that I'm less likely to feel comfortable passing on a link to something I wrote than I assume you would be about something you did. But it was only a friendly 'dig'.
:) That's just cause I hide it better.
I often wonder with people who seem so full of confidence in there own abilities if they actually do have at least some self-doubt hidden away in there.
i do.
I think we all do ...
I can't tell you how many times my confidence, false or not, took me farther than my abilities could have, alone.
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I generally assume that confident people do have self doubt hidden in there somewhere, the thing with you Pyraxis (and this isn't meant as a dig in anyway) is that you almost seem to believe that other people's opinions of you and your work don't matter at all. Its almost like you don't need approval from anyone else because you believe you are better than the vast majority of people.
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Its almost like you don't need approval from anyone else because you believe you are better than the vast majority of people.
maybe she is.
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I do believe I'm better than the vast majority of people, and my experiences have tended to reinforce it.
What you're seeing with my work is related but not the same. For as long as I can remember, I've been an artist. There was never a point where I thought I would do something other with my life than art and writing. I'm obviously not perfect, but when I was little, I was better enough than the people around me that I was constantly told how good it was. Because they were untrained in art themselves, they saw it as better than it actually was, and told me so. I won most competitions that I entered, to the point where (when I was 13) I started refusing to enter at all. By the time I was 17, I was well aware of how little raw skill actually mattered, beyond a certain level that most contestants had already reached, and so how it depended instead on the personal taste, mood, and philosophy of each judge. I decided the whole thing was pointless. I went to a fairly prestigious art college on a full-tuition scholarship that didn't officially exist - but when I had walked in on campus tour day and showed my portfolio and told the admissions counsellors that I couldn't afford to go with their existing scholarships, they pulled strings for me.
So I've got past experience against which the opinions of a few people on a website don't sway the balance at all.
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i feel that i am better than most people as well.
:plus: for your honesty, pyraxis.
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Actually, most people believe that they are better than average. Which is of course statistically impossible. So there are a lot of deluded people running around, likely including both of us.
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i really am.
i find that whenever i put my mind to something i tend to excel at it quite quickly. in no time i am better than people that have been doing the same thing, repetitively for years.
probably, because i bother to analyze everything.
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Sure, I excel at things quickly also. I'm just pointing out the statistics in order to put a slight temper on unbridled arrogance. Otherwise it's too easy to get complacent, if you think you're too good. Better to keep a competitive edge.
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...but one day you'll wake up and notice that the little edge you thought you had didn't matter in the slightest.
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Except I already know how to account for people as dead as you, and will enjoy my journey as it is.
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I do believe I'm better than the vast majority of people, and my experiences have tended to reinforce it.
What you're seeing with my work is related but not the same. For as long as I can remember, I've been an artist. There was never a point where I thought I would do something other with my life than art and writing. I'm obviously not perfect, but when I was little, I was better enough than the people around me that I was constantly told how good it was. Because they were untrained in art themselves, they saw it as better than it actually was, and told me so. I won most competitions that I entered, to the point where (when I was 13) I started refusing to enter at all. By the time I was 17, I was well aware of how little raw skill actually mattered, beyond a certain level that most contestants had already reached, and so how it depended instead on the personal taste, mood, and philosophy of each judge. I decided the whole thing was pointless. I went to a fairly prestigious art college on a full-tuition scholarship that didn't officially exist - but when I had walked in on campus tour day and showed my portfolio and told the admissions counsellors that I couldn't afford to go with their existing scholarships, they pulled strings for me.
So I've got past experience against which the opinions of a few people on a website don't sway the balance at all.
Fascinating! I did not know you were an artist. Maybe I should go find some of your old threads, eh? I suppose if you looked at some of my fractals you would laugh out loud at my unlikely color combinations and impossible shadings done by someone with no training or education of any kind. I am humbled.
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has anyone here had any near death expieriances?
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Fascinating! I did not know you were an artist. Maybe I should go find some of your old threads, eh? I suppose if you looked at some of my fractals you would laugh out loud at my unlikely color combinations and impossible shadings done by someone with no training or education of any kind. I am humbled.
This is sarcasm, right?
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It didn't seem like it. Still, I'm shocked that he
wouldn't know.
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Either way, I don't see any reason to go searching through my old threads; I don't talk about it much for a reason.
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Except I already know how to account for people as dead as you, and will enjoy my journey as it is.
I'm... dead? :o
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:laugh: Well if it's not you, that rotting corpse smell must be coming from somewhere....
*starts prying up floorboards*
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That's my socks.
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That's my socks.
Does that mean that you're a sockpuppet? :smarty:
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has anyone here had any near death expieriances?
I already wrote of mine.
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Fascinating! I did not know you were an artist. Maybe I should go find some of your old threads, eh? I suppose if you looked at some of my fractals you would laugh out loud at my unlikely color combinations and impossible shadings done by someone with no training or education of any kind. I am humbled.
This is sarcasm, right?
Sarcasm? Hardly. I have only been aware of you for about a couple of months and half of that time I was pissed at you and didn't read much.::)
Of course I knew you did some artwork from your "...interesting" thread, but I did not undestand that you were a scholarship student. That implies some recognizable talent on your part. I simply missed that detail, until now. Your remarks about image software could as easily have made you a coder as an artist.
As you know, "everyone" does some artwork. No big deal, really. If I was trying to be sarcastic to get under your skin, I can think of several more effective ways to try rather than trying to acknowledge that I am impressed at your having the mettle to make a career out of something you truly enjoy.
That "looking at old threads" remark was an admission that I really don't know much about some of the people I "talk to" online.
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Thanks Pyraxis for sharing where you get your confidence from and for seeming to read my post as it was intended (curious but not having a go). I guess I've had very different experiences in my life, especially during my childhood/teenage years. I'm constantly telling myself that everyone is laughing at my efforts and even at the idea that I'd even bother trying.
As an illustration as just how negative I am towards myself I'm even telling myself that I shouldn't be complaining about my lack of self-confidence in case I come across as looking like I think I'm anything other than below average.
OK Emo time over.
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Sarcasm? Hardly. I have only been aware of you for about a couple of months and half of that time I was pissed at you and didn't read much.::)
You were pissed at me? :o Somehow that went right over my head. Now I'm curious what I did to piss you off. I'm decidedly not pissed at you. You get things.
If I was trying to be sarcastic to get under your skin, I can think of several more effective ways to try rather than trying to acknowledge that I am impressed at your having the mettle to make a career out of something you truly enjoy.
Fair enough. (PI, btw, this is what my lack of confidence can look like when it manifests.)
I kept away from your fractals for the same reason I kept away from PI's writing. They're clearly hobbies you guys do for fun, not like you're looking for professional publication or a commercial product or something. I would have loved to turn the Submissions forum into a really brutal, no-holds-barred critique forum, but I just don't think it's going to happen here. People's areas of expertise are too divergent and people aren't serious enough about their work to really want or benefit from it. Though I did get some pretty cool comments about those two decoy pieces I put up. (Especially DD's, which were dead on target, and the one about how the contest one was bland - it was - and I suspect that's why it won, because it could be mistaken for patriotic and was nice and politically safe. LOL, it was called Tribute but nobody ever asked me what it was a tribute to.) So it's possible it could work.
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Maybe we need a new thread in the Submissions Forum: "Sew my leaky asshole up and rip me a new one" or something specifically for no-holds-barred critique.
You're right, though, not many would want that, as you were trying to demonstrate with your decoys (which went over my head at first). I am one of those who DOES enjoy to hear honest and well founded opinions, when they are offered. But, it is a hobby and no amount of criticism will affect my enjoyment. I feel safe putting them up here and the reality is that other people seemed to enjoy them, too. It is is enough for me that no one has told me to stop posting them, yet.
Of course, that supports your point that no one would actually benefit from "expert critique".
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I'd actually appreciate constructive, tactful criticism. Well if I'm honest part of me would, part of me would worry that constructive criticism would really be an excuse to take the piss.
I don't think criticism would make me stop trying to write, but it could make me reconsider my audience if it was more of the 'Sew my leaky asshole up and rip me a new one' type, rather than constructive.
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Maybe we need a new thread in the Submissions Forum: "Sew my leaky asshole up and rip me a new one" or something specifically for no-holds-barred critique.
this must be a personal jab at me.
i have discussed my anal leakage problems before.
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Maybe we need a new thread in the Submissions Forum: "Sew my leaky asshole up and rip me a new one" or something specifically for no-holds-barred critique.
this must be a personal jab at me.
i have discussed my anal leakage problems before.
Why the hell would I take a personal cheap shot at you, McJagger? If I wanted to take a sucker punch at you it would be in the first person/second person framework, not slimed in from afar, dropped somewhere as a hint.
I can't understand why you would think that. You are not the only one with a leaky asshole, for another thing. It is also slang for someone who won't shut-up, which is closer to what I meant to describe. Also, describing the odorous "Fartistes" who are constantly posting their fartwork, like my twenty pages of fractals.
How about "Shut me up and tell me why I suck". That just doesn't have the same ring to it. (That's not meant personally either, to anyone.)
Besides, McJ, I had forgotten all about your leakage problem. Sorry that it's still a subject you think about.
You seem to have a fairly low opinion of me, for some reason.
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Why the hell would I take a personal cheap shot at you, McJagger? If I wanted to take a sucker punch at you it would be in the first person/second person framework, not slimed in from afar, dropped somewhere as a hint.
I can't understand why you would think that. You are not the only one with a leaky asshole, for another thing. It is also slang for someone who won't shut-up, which is closer to what I meant to describe.
Uh, I think that he was joking, and erm, being kind of self-centered, as we always are?
:asthing:
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Are you mediating?
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Naw, just post-whoring.
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Why the hell would I take a personal cheap shot at you, McJagger? If I wanted to take a sucker punch at you it would be in the first person/second person framework, not slimed in from afar, dropped somewhere as a hint.
I can't understand why you would think that. You are not the only one with a leaky asshole, for another thing. It is also slang for someone who won't shut-up, which is closer to what I meant to describe.
Uh, I think that he was joking, and erm, being kind of self-centered, as we always are?
:asthing:
ouch.
how do i procede?
i thought that you knew me well emough to know that i am self centered, and i really don't get upset about stuff like this.
i was of course, engaging in light banter with you and just having a laugh at my own expense.
DD, you just did :asthing:
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Oh. OK. I'm a little jumpy right now, I suppose.
:asthing:
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Oh. OK. I'm a little jumpy right now, I suppose.
dance it off :dance:
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Dance to death....
:dance: :belly: :party: :angrydance: :happydance:
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Oh. OK. I'm a little jumpy right now, I suppose.
:asthing:
Teehee, DD did an AS thing, DD did an AS thing. :laugh:
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On topic...or is it off topic?
I saw my stepdad's mum the night before she died. She was dying from bowel cancer. It was not a nice sight. And even though she told people I was "simple", I still felt sorry for her.
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On topic...or is it off topic?
I saw my stepdad's mum the night before she died. She was dying from bowel cancer. It was not a nice sight. And even though she told people I was "simple", I still felt sorry for her.
My great aunt died of bowel cancer. She was in such horrible pain, even though she had morphine shots, which my aunt, who was a nurse, could give her. I remember her telling someone to rip her tailbone out, brcause she hurt so much.
I was with my ex's mother when she died from breast cancer which spread to her bones and lungs. My grandmother died of ovarian cancer which spread to her lungs, but she waited to die so she could see me first. She died shortly after I was born. My mother had thyroid cancer which spread, but she died of a heart attack while she was in the hospital.
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I'd choose a heart attack before cancer any day. My grandfather died of cancer in the spleen and pancreas. He died after just six week in the hospital but before that he had a football-sized cyst in his stomach and gruesome pains, which even morphine couldn't stop.
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And if the cancer doesn't get you, the treatment will. My dad survived the cancer but the radiation therapy took whatever resistance he could offer against pneumonia and the like. :(
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I meant that I'm less likely to feel comfortable passing on a link to something I wrote than I assume you would be about something you did. But it was only a friendly 'dig'.
:) That's just cause I hide it better.
I often wonder with people who seem so full of confidence in there own abilities if they actually do have at least some self-doubt hidden away in there.
Oh, I'v got a fair bit of self doubt, I just try to keep it hidden so people don't try to manipulate or use it against me.
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As for brushes with death personally....all I can remember is nearly getting hit by a car when I was younger (?). I ran out into the street without looking fortunately the car stopped in time!
Job wise, when I'm working it's part of the job. I'v seen people walking and talking one minute and dead the next. I'v seen them die fast and slow. AIDS, cancer, heart atack, stroke, cystic fibrosis, old age and I'm sure there's a few that I can't remember. Death has never bothered me, except with someone I was close to, then I get all emo. Fortunately that hasn't happened very often.
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I have run out in front of cars many times to snatch my daughter out of danger when she was younger and would run out in front of them without looking. Luckily they have all stopped in time. A neighbor's son ran out in front of a car when he was five and was nearly killed. He had a closed head injury, a broken arm and thigh and third degree burns on his buttocks on the other side from his broken femur where the car's catalytic converter was touching him while he was pinned underneath it. We used a car jack to jack the car up off of him and then put a blanket between him and the car's catalytic converter before the ambulance came, or else his burns would have been even worse. He had to have pins into his bone and an external rod to set his broken leg so they could harvest skin from it for grafts for his buttocks. He was in the hospital for months, but eventually he was pretty much OK.
I overdosed on baby aspirin and some other medicines when I was little and I was told that I nearly died. I could open childproof caps when I was little, so I went out of my way to make sure that my daughter never gets the chance to practice opening medicine at all. My parents thought it was cute until I overdosed.
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According to my "mother" I drank a bottle of perfume once. Sometime around 2-3 y/o, depending on when I asked her and what mood she was in when I asked. After awhile I gave up asking for details.
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I tried to kill myself by drinking a bottle of witch-hazel. ::)
My dad came busting down through a door,
whilst my mother just laughed at how
pathetic I was being.
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I didn't do it on purpose. I was very little when this happened.
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I did. I was being an emo.
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I almost drowned in a lake when I fell into a sinkhole. My Dad came from nowhere a threw Me out of it in the end.
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i poured a potful of coffee on my legs when i was a baby, and mom says i almost needed a skin graft. but thank god i didn't. mom had to sleep on the floor in the hospital cuz i would start screaming whenever she tried to leave. :P i was a screamy baby.
i remember when they put me under cold water for half an hour, that hurt worse than the coffee. i had a huge scar going all the way up my leg but it's almost faded now. too bad. i was really proud of it.
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I have a scar under my left arm because I reached up and grabbed the handle of a pot of boiling eggs, then pulled it down to see what was in the pot, so boiling water burned my underarm. We went to the emergency room for this one too but I was not admitted to the hospital.
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I have a scar under my left arm because I reached up and grabbed the handle of a pot of boiling eggs, then pulled it down to see what was in the pot, so boiling water burned my underarm. We went to the emergency room for this one too but I was not admitted to the hospital.
They feared you, even then?
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I have a scar under my left arm because I reached up and grabbed the handle of a pot of boiling eggs, then pulled it down to see what was in the pot, so boiling water burned my underarm. We went to the emergency room for this one too but I was not admitted to the hospital.
They feared you, even then?
I doubt it. I was a tiny little thing, not scary-looking at all.
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I have a scar under my left arm because I reached up and grabbed the handle of a pot of boiling eggs, then pulled it down to see what was in the pot, so boiling water burned my underarm. We went to the emergency room for this one too but I was not admitted to the hospital.
They feared you, even then?
I doubt it. I was a tiny little thing, not scary-looking at all.
ALL babies are scary. But hospitals usually seem to
like taking them in.
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Can't believe I didn't post this before.
When I was 13, I went to bed late one friday night with the window cracked open. Around midnight, I heard a loud screech of car tires followed by a dull thud. It seemed to be no more that 2 blocks away. About 10 min. later, I heard the wail of police and ambulance sirens. After a half an hour, a County Sheriff pulled up in the driveway. A couple of minutes later, my mom comes into my room crying that my brother had been killed in a single car accident. He was drunk and he slammed into a tree doing almost 70 mph. The accident was just around the corner from our house about a block away.
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Bloody hell. Must have been awful.
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There was a drowning in my old neighborhood, one August night back in the 90s. Two guys were in a boat
on a local pond, late at night, presumably without life jackets. One fell in and drowned. His friend ran
up the street in the dark to the Knights of Columbus lodge at the top of the hill to get help. He must have
known, even while he was running, that it was already too late. Half the neighborhood was up there,
along with ambulances and fire trucks. I saw the man pulled out. I didn't have much reaction to that
part of it, I just kept thinking about the other man, running up that hill alone in the dark. :-\
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Lived next to a gorge referred to as the "Grand Canyon of the East" growing up. Every year it claimed a few...either someone decided they'd had enough of life, or were just plain dumb. Was at the overlook riding my bike when I heard the screams of one and his friends, he climbed over the fence to retrieve a basketball, slipped and fell...I saw the final descent to the bottom and had the gates unlocked for the firemen when they arrived 10 minutes later. Saw him brought up...he was gray...should of died, but he lived. I might have been 10 or 11.
Saw that same shade of gray when a guy got drunk and hit a phone poll down from the house, sheared his car in half. Was one of the first ones there, I ran and got the neighbor who owned an independent ambulance service at the time. Fetched stuff, held IV bags, did what he said and looked away when told to, while he worked on him alone until the other ambulance and life flight responded. He should have died, but he didn't either. I think I was 18 or 19.
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At the Ringling museum they had cables run between cement posts acting as sort of a railing along the edge of a sea wall, my sister and I were sitting on one of the cables when it pulled out of the post and sent her to the ground I went backwards falling about 8 feet into only about a foot of water in the only sandy area along the wall.
I have had a few at work mostly dealing with heights like this one, I was up about 30 feet on scaffolding when one side of it pulled away from the wall and fell the part I was on didn't but came close with all the shaking
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I had croup when I was a baby (around one year old). :bonnet: I was briefly hospitalized.
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Reminded me.
I had pneumonia when I was a baby and I was briefly hospitalised too.
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for some reason i keep thinking "death with brushes."
i had six inches of concrete and plaster from a beam fall on my legs. The beam was over my head. It happened during a meeting with me, an intern and my boss. There was a loud crack from above us. The two of them looked up and I pushed out from my desk and then looked up. It was too late by then. Still have scars from that.
few years ago i went to the ER with hemoglobin 3.9 and hematocrit 13.1 and immune system shot to hell. walkie and py convinced me to go and not sleep for another two days in which time probably i would have been beyond help.