INTENSITY²
Start here => Games => Topic started by: QuéOnda on September 09, 2015, 03:53:26 PM
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I don't care what anyone says. Dead baby jokes are funny!
What is red and does not cry?
Half a baby.
How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub?
16 (trust me, you can't squeeze the 17th in there!)
What is worse than 50 dead babies stapled to trees?
47 dead babies stapled to trees (It's better if it's a nice, round number.)
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is something that is fun to destroy with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
Post your favorite dead baby jokes here!
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Q: How do you get a baby out of a blender?
A: With a straw
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How do you get 50 dead babies into a bucket?
With a blender.
How do you get them back out?
With Tostitos.
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Why are there no babies in the nursery?
Because I just ate them all! Ha Ha!
How do you get a baby to stop going around in circles?
Nail his other foot to the floor.
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How do you get a baby off the clothesline?
With a baseball bat
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What's the best gift for a dead baby?
Dead puppy. :zoinks:
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Q: How do you get babies out of a barrel?
A: With a pitchfork
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What do you call a dead baby on the doorstep?
Matt. :zoinks:
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How many babies can you get in a suitcase?
Depends how thinly you slice them
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What's worse than 50 dead babies stapled to trees?
One baby stapled to 50 trees.
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What's the difference between a three-course meal and 50 dead babies? One of them can feed me for a day and the other is a three-course meal.
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What is the worst thing about a pile of 1,000 dead babies?
The living baby at the bottom that has to eat his way out.
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Once upon a time you were a little girl who knew her worth couldn’t be measured; a little girl who believed in herself and her dreams, which were big dreams, and that little girl knew she could do anything and that her dreams would come true.
Until they came along and told you that you weren't all that, that you weren't worthy, and that they knew better than you did. They told you it wasn’t ok to do this or that, that it wasn't ladylike, or feminine, or appropriate for someone like you. And you believed them because you believed they knew best. And you were taught to be a good little girl so that is what a good little girl should do.
Until one day your own feelings of worth and your beliefs in yourself and what you deserve got so stuffed down inside you that you no longer believed you could follow your dreams and become whatever you wanted to. And you began to doubt yourself and believe instead that you had to prove yourself worthy instead of remembering that you were worthy just because you are you.
And then you found yourself looking for a man to complete you so that you could finally prove to everyone that you really do have worth, that you really are special and deserving of someone who loves you.
He came along, your prince charming, full of promises of love and dreams, and you finally had the validation you'd been looking for. Until he broke those promises and left you devastated, questioning whether you really were still worthy and still deserving of all that love and life had once held for you.
But then another prince charming came along full of those same promises until he, too, eventually left you alone – again. And then another and another. It happened over and over again until you truly believed you were unworthy, that you really weren't anyone special and that you didn't deserve anything more than these crumbs left behind by the princes. You no longer believed in your dreams, in your worth, and settling for these crumbs became a part of your new vocabulary with pleasing and working so hard for love becoming your new mantras.
Until one day, someone told you something you've never heard before. That it's a lie. It’s all lies that you’ve been told. You’re not that. That’s not you. That’s what they wanted you to be and pigeon holed you into. But that was never you. It turns out you actually knew better; they didn’t. They didn’t know the truth even though you were so sure they must know more than you.
They didn’t.
But no more. That light’s coming through. A little bit more now. You’re starting to get it. It wasn’t about you; in fact it never was – it was about what they wanted you to be. They wanted a little girl who was sweet and ladylike and feminine and didn’t rock the boat, didn't put up a fuss, didn't make work for them. A little girl who took care of everybody emotionally, agreed with everyone, kept everything harmonious, made everything happy, kept things predictable, and made everyone feel good.
You know exactly what I mean because it happened to most of us. But’s it’s a lie. All of it. We’ve bought into it because they were supposed to know better. And when we pleased them and lived our lives like this they loved us so. And that felt so good. To be loved like that. So we lived like that to be loved like that and here we are; doing it all over again. And again and again and again.
But they’re not calling the shots anymore. They’re not in control of that little girl that's still inside you anymore. You can do whatever it is you want to do. You can become whatever you want to become. You can follow your dreams whatever those dreams might look like. You can do and be whatever you want to do and be. Because the very worst thing that can happen is that it doesn't work out the first time you try (which it never does) and you try again, armed with a little more knowledge. You'll figure out what to do next because it's in the trying, in the living, that you find out what you can really do.
If you don't, you'll never know what might have been.
You see, all of this search, this whole quest for the perfect guy, the guy who will complete us, is really about our search for ourselves. If we can just first find ourselves, he’ll be there waiting for us, because he’s been looking for us too. But we’ll never see that if we’re only looking for a guy to make us feel OK, to complete us, to make everything all right so we don’t have to make that journey ourselves.
So it’s time, long overdue, to get out there, and start living. Really living your life the way you want it to be. Not this waiting kind of living where we live with only a little passion for ourselves, saving it all up for the guy we think is going to do it for us. Start living the way you were born to live. Claim your birthright for yourself. Start listening to that little girl inside you whose goals and dreams got squashed down so very long ago. Start listening to her and start seeing what she can really do.
Because you are more than worthy - you are special and beautiful and you deserve nothing less than all that life and love have to offer you.
Believe me.
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That's the worst dead baby joke ever.
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What is red and has no legs?
Half a baby.
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What's the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby?
I don't have 50 watermelons in my basement.
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How do you make a baby float?
Add some root beer, some ice cream, and sliced-up baby to a glass.
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume.
What's the difference between a truck full of 1,000 dead babies and a truck full of ice cream?
One is full of something I like to eat and the other is full of ice cream.
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That's the worst dead baby joke ever.
It takes a while to build, but the punchline is killer.
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:mischief:
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