INTENSITY²
Start here => Games => Topic started by: Peter on December 29, 2006, 11:56:31 AM
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Yeah child abuse is fucking hilarious ::)
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It's the over-the-top dramatisation of it that I find humerous.
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Something less shocking:
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Nicotine is bad for the mucous membranes.
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This guy's site is very good. He's an aspie and seems to be very creative. Unfortunately, most of it is in Swedish. This joke, however, is in English: The Shit List (http://www.qatten.com/ignore.html). ;D
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http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/cat_steve_dont_eat_it.php
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This guy's site is very good. He's an aspie and seems to be very creative. Unfortunately, most of it is in Swedish. This joke, however, is in English: The Shit List (http://www.qatten.com/ignore.html). ;D
<Knows a girl in Sweden called Lorina Anderson, who has HFA. Wonders if she wrote that.>
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I'm not sure. I don't think he would spell it "Laurie", but rather "Lori", if her name is Lorina.
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Quote from the day before yesterday that my friends couldn't believe I said. Basically, I told my boyfriend that he was horrible (I forget why but I was joking).
Him: Am I worse than Hitler?
Me: I dunno, I've never done Hitler.
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If child abuse wasn't funny then DL Hughley would be out of a lot of fucking material.
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(http://www.dark-sanity.com/tomoyo056.png)
Alot of shit in tomoyo42's room is funny, but only if you are very very sick. This is a mild one.
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(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1167578316428.gif)
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(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1167578316428.gif)
Now you have one similar to some goofy pics I took in my twenties, mostly on Polaroid, because no place would print pictures of anything remotely suggestive at that time, let alone nude anything. Imagine a similarly posed model, but make her Apache, and natural, with all of her natural coloring and textures. Take a one foot tall Tigger stuffed toy, designed to stand on its tail, with it's feet sticking straight out, and cut off the tail, so you do not hurt the model. Even though you're both drunk as hell, it's supposed to be fun and games, you know.
I also had a Piglet with a rope around him that I cut and re-arranged so he looked like his rope had become instantly erect and an Eyore that I made it look like his tail had just blown off. I used pen and ink and some old make-up to make them look about like the characters in your photo, surprise, terror, shock, but T I Double Guh ER, was very happy, bouncing in her snatch. I had to use a drinking straw, out of camera view, to make Tigger stand up, though. It was really funny, escpecially the fifth or sixth one where I had her "push" really hard and puff herself up. Too bad Polaroids of that era weren't permanent!
As far as the child abuse, stuff ... for those who still think it's funny, then you have not felt or seen enough of it yet, closely enough. I hope you never do.
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God dammit, not another "If you find this funny, you are flawed somehow" guy.
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As far as the child abuse, stuff ... for those who still think it's funny, then you have not felt or seen enough of it yet, closely enough. I hope you never do.
I hope I don't too; mine is the humour of the untraumatised, and I'd have sucked doubly if I not only got raped as a kid, but also had my sense of humour impaired as a result. I'm sure some serious burns victims have issues with cartoons that show characters running around on fire, and that some people who've been in car crashes get uneasy at their use in humour, and some people shudder when they hear a Hitler or Saddam joke, but I quite enjoy these things in comedy, along with a lot of other stuff that someone, somewhere, is going to find offensive, and I make no apologies for that. Life's crappy enough already without being deliberately miserable out of some sense of respect and mourning over a topic.
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... and I hold no guilt for praising the turn of fate that has protected all of you, who have not been personally involved in something that will change your mind. I never said "don't post". I offered only an echo of the opinion that humor is not universal.
I also offered an amusing tale to tie my sickly humor to yours in this thread. There's no reason to kick me out.
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I would only tell a dead baby joke around someone I didn't think would be offended. I never tell racist jokes. I do, however, tell and like sexist jokes, both anti-male and anti-female. Only the ones with art, though.
Example of a sexist joke with art: Adam says to God, "I'm lonely. I want someone to share Eden with." God replied, "OK. I'll make you somone. She'll be beautisul, she'll cook for you, she'll clean for you, she'll have sex whenever you want her to and never say a cross word to you." "Sounds great," says Adam. "What'll she cost me?" "Well, she'll cost you an arm and a leg." "What can I get for a rib?"
Example of a sexist joke with no art: Q. Why can't women ski? A. There's no snow between the kitchen and the laundry room!
The latter joke just isn't funny. Not because it's offensive (it's too dumb to offend me) but because it isn't clever. My boyfriend bought Maddox's book of manliness and I couldn't stop laughing, looking at it. THAT shit has art. It's horrible, horrible, horrible, but there's humor in the offensiveness.
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you must be sick to find any of this humerous.
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you must be sick to find any of this humerous.
I'm coming down with a cold or the flu or something. Does that count?
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you must be sick to find any of this humerous.
I'm coming down with a cold or the flu or something. Does that count?
sorry, i meant the pics.
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I know a few artful racist jokes, but the effect is lost if you can't hear the black accent.
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Since when was having a difference of opinion a bad thing on here? I don't believe anything is universally humorous, so why is it wrong for someone to state that they don't find something funny? You don't have to have been abused as a child or affected by child abuse in some way to not find child abuse joke funny, nor do you have to have lost your sense of humour.
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God dammit, not another "If you find this funny, you are flawed somehow" guy.
We need some members who think that to temper those who claim that everyone who doesn't find a certain joke funny must have allowed themselves to lose their sense of humour about certain things.
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I have something alright, something having having to with porn and rape. Just you wait.
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http://www.funny-games.biz/chunligangbattle.html
Its my favorite porn site so far.
I laughed quite a bit, after all, its only a cartoon and I was hyped on something to make me laugh inappropiately.
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http://www.funny-games.biz/chunligangbattle.html
Its my favorite porn site so far.
I laughed quite a bit, after all, its only a cartoon and I was hyped on something to make me laugh inappropiately.
::)
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... and I hold no guilt for praising the turn of fate that has protected all of you, who have not been personally involved in something that will change your mind. I never said "don't post". I offered only an echo of the opinion that humor is not universal.
I also offered an amusing tale to tie my sickly humor to yours in this thread. There's no reason to kick me out.
Since when was having a difference of opinion a bad thing on here? I don't believe anything is universally humorous, so why is it wrong for someone to state that they don't find something funny? You don't have to have been abused as a child or affected by child abuse in some way to not find child abuse joke funny, nor do you have to have lost your sense of humour.
I thought you were implying that there was something wrong with me for finding it funny. Sorry for jumping to conclusions; I've been feeling generally pissy lately.
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... and I hold no guilt for praising the turn of fate that has protected all of you, who have not been personally involved in something that will change your mind. I never said "don't post". I offered only an echo of the opinion that humor is not universal.
I also offered an amusing tale to tie my sickly humor to yours in this thread. There's no reason to kick me out.
Since when was having a difference of opinion a bad thing on here? I don't believe anything is universally humorous, so why is it wrong for someone to state that they don't find something funny? You don't have to have been abused as a child or affected by child abuse in some way to not find child abuse joke funny, nor do you have to have lost your sense of humour.
I thought you were implying that there was something wrong with me for finding it funny. Sorry for jumping to conclusions; I've been feeling generally pissy lately.
Hey, Peter, sorry you're having a rough time, but You and Me, we're cool, buddy!
That goes for you, too, Nomaken, we're cool. Modded to strike through.
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I don't mind it when somebody says something isn't funny to them. They have that right, but it pisses me off when somebody says something is INHERENTLY unfunny, and anyone who thinks it is is wrong or fucked up, or childish.
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I don't mind it when somebody says something isn't funny to them. They have that right, but it pisses me off when somebody says something is INHERENTLY unfunny, and anyone who thinks it is is wrong or fucked up, or childish.
Ok, then. Nevermind.
Is child abuse INHERENTLY unfunny? Of course.
Do I think you're wrong? Hell yeah!
Do I think you're fucked up? Absolutely!
Do I think you're childish? Most definitely!
Am I OK with that? Yeah.
Do I forgive the childless? Naturally.
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I'm sure I can find something funny you say is inherently unfunny for pretty much any subject you can think of. The babyfuck comic, i didn't find funny, but there are too many people on /b/ who find it funny for me to say it is inherently unfunny. However I am sure I can find plenty examples where death, murder, rape, and child abuse are funny.
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I'm sure I can find something funny you say is inherently unfunny for pretty much any subject you can think of. The babyfuck comic, i didn't find funny, but there are too many people on /b/ who find it funny for me to say it is inherently unfunny. However I am sure I can find plenty examples where death, murder, rape, and child abuse are funny.
yes, the people who are poseures. the people who are trying to cultivate an image for themselves about how HARD they are. when in reality they are just sick, weak, little puppies.
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I'm sure I can find something funny you say is inherently unfunny for pretty much any subject you can think of. The babyfuck comic, i didn't find funny, but there are too many people on /b/ who find it funny for me to say it is inherently unfunny. However I am sure I can find plenty examples where death, murder, rape, and child abuse are funny.
yes, the people who are poseures. the people who are trying to cultivate an image for themselves about how HARD they are. when in reality they are just sick, weak, little puppies.
What?
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I'm sure I can find something funny you say is inherently unfunny for pretty much any subject you can think of. The babyfuck comic, i didn't find funny, but there are too many people on /b/ who find it funny for me to say it is inherently unfunny. However I am sure I can find plenty examples where death, murder, rape, and child abuse are funny.
yes, the people who are poseures. the people who are trying to cultivate an image for themselves about how HARD they are. when in reality they are just sick, weak, little puppies.
What?
you know exactly what i am saying.
people, like you for instance, who haven't lived life and who hold no value for the more precious things that life has to offer.
the cultivated image and the poseur, is something that you may draw your own conclusions from.
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minger:
someone with a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle
(I found the imagery from this hilarious.)
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Ok, here goes my efforts lol
(http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y141/graelwyn/accident.jpg)
(http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y141/graelwyn/Aviron.jpg)
(http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y141/graelwyn/transplant.jpg)
(http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y141/graelwyn/eatuw.jpg)
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I'm sure I can find something funny you say is inherently unfunny for pretty much any subject you can think of. The babyfuck comic, i didn't find funny, but there are too many people on /b/ who find it funny for me to say it is inherently unfunny. However I am sure I can find plenty examples where death, murder, rape, and child abuse are funny.
yes, the people who are poseures. the people who are trying to cultivate an image for themselves about how HARD they are. when in reality they are just sick, weak, little puppies.
What?
you know exactly what i am saying.
people, like you for instance, who haven't lived life and who hold no value for the more precious things that life has to offer.
the cultivated image and the poseur, is something that you may draw your own conclusions from.
No, no I don't.
"yes, the people who are poseures" - What is this a response to, in my post? I never refered to any people except /b/. And I didn't make any statements about /b/ which would make that statement make sense. What people are you talking about? Me? /b/? Those that find some all things funny in those categories?
In that case are you suggesting anyone who finds some rape jokes, or some child abuse jokes, or some X jokes funny are sick, weak little puppies? Or are you suggesting that people who find anything and everything in those areas funny are sick, weak little puppies? Or are you suggesting something entirely different?
"the cultivated image and the poseur" - Are you calling me a poser? Or are you saying that one of the above mentioned peoples who finds some or all of those things funny posers? Or are you talking about something entirely different?
"is something that you may draw your own conclusions from" And how does this relate at ALL to the previous statement? For one thing is "The cultivated image and the poseur" one complete idea that can be refered to as a singular? Because I have no fucking idea what it means. Or at least I have no idea what it could mean that I could draw some kind of conclusions from.
"people, like you for instance, who haven't lived life and who hold no value for the more precious things that life has to offer" - Besides the fact that I believe I do value precious things life has to offer, i just disagree with you about what they are to me, I don't see how this relates to your previous statement at all. How would not valuing precious things in life A) make somebody a poser, B) have anything to do with what people find funny, or C) be related in any way to how people behave in view of others?
In essence, I haven't the foggiest idea what you are talking about, but I'd hazard a guess you are insulting me somehow.
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i take offense to the humour that you condone.
i hazard that you have no respect for anything precious in life. i presume that you are young and ignorant. i presume that you are trying to cultivate this image of one sick puppy. i presume that you are simply; a pimple on the arse of humanity. a poser.
still, i read many of your posts as being completely full of shit. simply; a cultivated image.
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Oh okay, that makes sense, but what about other people who find some or all of those subjects funny?
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Oh okay, that makes sense, but what about other people who find some or all of those subjects funny?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xG9LCB62uMA
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I am finding the drum solo to be difficult to understand.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hy_n4pzWbvc
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If you wanna convey meaning I suggest you use words, or at least songs that contain lyrics.
Oh hey! They're talking, only took a half an hour.
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You know, there are thousands of interpretations for any work of art, if you are attempting to convey 1, i suggest being more specific.
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I hear pink floydd is recognized as good and meaningulf music. And I say I hear that because I really don't like most of their stuff. Too slow.
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If you wanna convey meaning I suggest you use words, or at least songs that contain lyrics.
Oh hey! They're talking, only took a half an hour.
one of these days i am going to cut you into little pieces.
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If you wanna convey meaning I suggest you use words, or at least songs that contain lyrics.
Oh hey! They're talking, only took a half an hour.
one of these days i am going to cut you into little pieces.
Do you have a cactus up your arse today, McJ? Nomaken has always struck me as extremely honest and up-front; not as someone trying to cultivate an image.
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If you wanna convey meaning I suggest you use words, or at least songs that contain lyrics.
Oh hey! They're talking, only took a half an hour.
one of these days i am going to cut you into little pieces.
Do you have a cactus up your arse today, McJ? Nomaken has always struck me as extremely honest and up-front; not as someone trying to cultivate an image.
then he is a sociopath!
yes, i quit smoking. for the mostpart.
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If you wanna convey meaning I suggest you use words, or at least songs that contain lyrics.
Oh hey! They're talking, only took a half an hour.
one of these days i am going to cut you into little pieces.
Do you have a cactus up your arse today, McJ? Nomaken has always struck me as extremely honest and up-front; not as someone trying to cultivate an image.
then he is a sociopath!
yes, i quit smoking. for the mostpart.
I don't see anything sociopathic in Nomaken's interests. Having fantasies and enjoying fiction about something isn't the same as engaging in it. Are all the men and women who have rape fantasies sociopaths?
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If you wanna convey meaning I suggest you use words, or at least songs that contain lyrics.
Oh hey! They're talking, only took a half an hour.
one of these days i am going to cut you into little pieces.
Do you have a cactus up your arse today, McJ? Nomaken has always struck me as extremely honest and up-front; not as someone trying to cultivate an image.
then he is a sociopath!
yes, i quit smoking. for the mostpart.
I don't see anything sociopathic in Nomaken's interests. Having fantasies and enjoying fiction about something isn't the same as engaging in it. Are all the men and women who have rape fantasies sociopaths?
My clinical psych prof said rape fantasies are relatively common. not exactly cheerful news to know...
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If you wanna convey meaning I suggest you use words, or at least songs that contain lyrics.
Oh hey! They're talking, only took a half an hour.
one of these days i am going to cut you into little pieces.
Do you have a cactus up your arse today, McJ? Nomaken has always struck me as extremely honest and up-front; not as someone trying to cultivate an image.
then he is a sociopath!
yes, i quit smoking. for the mostpart.
I don't see anything sociopathic in Nomaken's interests. Having fantasies and enjoying fiction about something isn't the same as engaging in it. Are all the men and women who have rape fantasies sociopaths?
My clinical psych prof said rape fantasies are relatively common. not exactly cheerful news to know...
It is estimated that 24% of men and 36% of women have had a rape fantasy, and 10% of women report this is their favorite type of fantasy
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If you wanna convey meaning I suggest you use words, or at least songs that contain lyrics.
Oh hey! They're talking, only took a half an hour.
one of these days i am going to cut you into little pieces.
Do you have a cactus up your arse today, McJ? Nomaken has always struck me as extremely honest and up-front; not as someone trying to cultivate an image.
then he is a sociopath!
yes, i quit smoking. for the mostpart.
I don't see anything sociopathic in Nomaken's interests. Having fantasies and enjoying fiction about something isn't the same as engaging in it. Are all the men and women who have rape fantasies sociopaths?
what does wiki tell YOU about baby fucking?
maybe you are the one with the problem petey!
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Gotta admit, I found that image somewhat disturbing when I was browsing through that thread.
Was a case quite recently of a 3 month old baby girl being raped and abused by a couple.
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How many people here find this humerous? I certainly do, and it should be right up your street, McJ.
http://ranprieur.com/essays/babyrape.html
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How many people here find this humerous? I certainly do, and it should be right up your street, McJ.
http://ranprieur.com/essays/babyrape.html
::)
i find your timing of all this bullshit to be quite coincidental. :finger:
you want a piece of me motherfucker, c'mon!
your question above...
take a poll.
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How many people here find this humerous? I certainly do, and it should be right up your street, McJ.
http://ranprieur.com/essays/babyrape.html
::)
i find your timing of all this bullshit to be quite coincidental. :finger:
you want a piece of me motherfucker, c'mon!
your question above...
take a poll.
Very well. Poll added.
Coincidental with what?
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How many people here find this humerous? I certainly do, and it should be right up your street, McJ.
http://ranprieur.com/essays/babyrape.html
::)
i find your timing of all this bullshit to be quite coincidental. :finger:
you want a piece of me motherfucker, c'mon!
your question above...
take a poll.
Very well. Poll added.
Coincidental with what?
the birth of my son?
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Although one gets past their child abuse issues in time, nevertheless, I imagine that such imagery and words will still cause some slight twonge to those who have been a victim of it... including myself. But not gonna go there as I don't like arguments lol.
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How many people here find this humerous? I certainly do, and it should be right up your street, McJ.
http://ranprieur.com/essays/babyrape.html
::)
i find your timing of all this bullshit to be quite coincidental. :finger:
you want a piece of me motherfucker, c'mon!
your question above...
take a poll.
Very well. Poll added.
Coincidental with what?
the birth of my son?
Not everything is about you. It had nothing to do with your son.
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How many people here find this humerous? I certainly do, and it should be right up your street, McJ.
http://ranprieur.com/essays/babyrape.html
::)
i find your timing of all this bullshit to be quite coincidental. :finger:
you want a piece of me motherfucker, c'mon!
your question above...
take a poll.
Very well. Poll added.
Coincidental with what?
the birth of my son?
Not everything is about you. It had nothing to do with your son.
more than it had to do with your grotesque sense of humor, and your sick sense of sensitivity.
hey, you like to get involved. why don't you join a rape crisis center so you can ridicule the clients.
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How many people here find this humerous? I certainly do, and it should be right up your street, McJ.
http://ranprieur.com/essays/babyrape.html
It's sick, Peter. It is not funny at all to me. You actually know it is sick because you called this thread "Post something sickly humerous".
I don't see how you and Nomaken can think an infant being raped is funny. The infants who are raped suffer greatly. How can that be funny? I read about two people raping a five month old infant girl in South Africa who needed emergency surgery to repair what was done to her. She is expected to live now.
http://archives.cnn.com/2001/WORLD/africa/12/10/infant.rape/
Do you think castration is funny?
(http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=1699.0;attach=811)
This is what I think should be done to people who rape infants, after they are hung from a tree by their testicles.
Edit: Nomaken said he did not find your baby rape picture funny either, so I removed his name.
Edit 2: Nomaken's name added back, at his request:
Put my name back on there. I am not saying it is unfunny, I am just saying I don't find it funny. That story for the vote is funny in my opinion.
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the classic reply picture is baaaaack!
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Excuse me while I vomit in a convenient bush lol.
Ick. Ach. Can you tell I cannot stand gore lol ?
But Cal is right. I would happily see all paedophiles castrated to be truthful, but that is my opinion. Some believe they have an illness that needs treating, I believe action should be taken to ensure they can never do it again, as I have experiences firsthand the damage they can inflict.
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How many people here find this humerous? I certainly do, and it should be right up your street, McJ.
http://ranprieur.com/essays/babyrape.html
It's sick, Peter. It is not funny at all to me. You actually know it is sick because you called this thread "Post something sickly humerous".
I don't see how you can think an infant being raped is funny. The infants who are raped suffer greatly. How can that be funny? I read about two people raping a five month old infant girl in South Africa who needed emergency surgery to repair what was done to her. She is expected to live now.
http://archives.cnn.com/2001/WORLD/africa/12/10/infant.rape/
Do you think castration is funny?
http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=1699.0;attach=811
This is what I think should be done to people who rape infants, after they are hung from a tree by their testicles.
Edit: Nomaken said he did not find your baby rape picture funny either, so I removed his name.
The article I posted wasn't sick at all, and would have been perfectly at home in a political discussion thread. As for castration, yes, it can be funny too.
"Doc," says Arthur, "I want to be castrated ."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done." replies Arthur.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor.
"It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that Doc and you're not going to change my mind; either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK," says the doctor, "but it's against my better judgment!"
So, Arthur has his operation and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his IV stand.
Heading toward him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there." says Arthur.
"It looks like you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the other patient, "I finally decided after 67 years that I would like to be circumcised ."
Arthur stared at him in horror... "OH SHIT! THAT'S THE WORD!!"
http://www.office-humour.co.uk/jokes/5162/
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I have to say, I found the baby rape idea NOT funny and a piece of crap IMHO! I'm with Callaway on this. And that is my personal opinion, so take it with a grain of salt or leave it!
Freedom of Speech, it's a kick in the ass! So who's right and who's wrong????
I'm at a point right now that I don't give a flying fuck what anybody thinks anymore!
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i wonder if this guy thinks its funny?
why don't you ask one of his parents....
[attachment deleted by admin]
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i wonder if this guy thinks its funny?
why don't you ask one of his parents....
I don't think he has much appreciation of politics yet.
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i wonder if this guy thinks its funny?
why don't you ask one of his parents....
I don't think he has much appreciation of politics yet.
then ask your sister.
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i wonder if this guy thinks its funny?
why don't you ask one of his parents....
I don't think he has much appreciation of politics yet.
then ask your sister.
I very much doubt that my sister would find it funny. We don't get along, and I try to avoid her as much as possible. Life would be boring if we were all alike though.
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i wonder if this guy thinks its funny?
why don't you ask one of his parents....
I don't think he has much appreciation of politics yet.
then ask your sister.
I very much doubt that my sister would find it funny. We don't get along, and I try to avoid her as much as possible. Life would be boring if we were all alike though.
care to discuss why the two of you do not get along?
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i wonder if this guy thinks its funny?
why don't you ask one of his parents....
I don't think he has much appreciation of politics yet.
then ask your sister.
I very much doubt that my sister would find it funny. We don't get along, and I try to avoid her as much as possible. Life would be boring if we were all alike though.
care to discuss why the two of you do not get along?
Not really. The usual over-bearing older sister crap.
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i wonder if this guy thinks its funny?
why don't you ask one of his parents....
I don't think he has much appreciation of politics yet.
then ask your sister.
I very much doubt that my sister would find it funny. We don't get along, and I try to avoid her as much as possible. Life would be boring if we were all alike though.
care to discuss why the two of you do not get along?
Not really. The usual over-bearing older sister crap.
alot of disapointment, eh?
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i wonder if this guy thinks its funny?
why don't you ask one of his parents....
I don't think he has much appreciation of politics yet.
then ask your sister.
I very much doubt that my sister would find it funny. We don't get along, and I try to avoid her as much as possible. Life would be boring if we were all alike though.
care to discuss why the two of you do not get along?
Not really. The usual over-bearing older sister crap.
alot of disapointment, eh?
More that she doesn't believe in Asperger's, or depression, and can't understand how other people aren't all as wonderfully successful as she's been.
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Put my name back on there. I am not saying it is unfunny, I am just saying I don't find it funny. That story for the vote is funny in my opinion.
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Put my name back on there. I am not saying it is unfunny, I am just saying I don't find it funny. That story for the vote is funny in my opinion.
hi-ho Nomaken, to the rescue.
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Mind you it is a little more difficult to find shit that makes murder and rape funny, but you can easily disprove people who think death can't be funny by giving them a darwin awards book. That linked story about bush and babyrape isn't a bad example. But it could be better.
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Which of these do people find funny?
Hitler/Holocaust:
Hitler is at the edge of the burial hole in Auschwitz. Next to him is a string of prisoners.
"You!" says Hitler to the Jew next to him "lift your left foot like this and twist your left arm like this. Now jump!" The Jew jumps, while Hitler follows very carefully the fall.
"Now you!" says Hitler to a Polish "twist your right foot like this and lift both hands up like this. Now jump!" The Polish jumps, while Hitler again follows very carefully the fall.
"And you!" says Hitler to a Russian "bend over and lean to the front like this. Now jump!" The Russian jumps, and Hitler again is paying very much attention to the fall.
All of a sudden, a German soldier comes running to Hitler: "Heil Hitler!"
"Heil! What happened?"
"Mr. Goering kindly asked for your attendance to the Chief of Staff meeting as soon as you finish your Tetris."
Bestiality:
There were three dogs at the vet talking to each other when one says,"I chewed up all my masters shoes, and that's why I'm here".
The next dog said,"I peed on my masters $1,000 rug".
The next dog then comes in and say's,"My master is a female and she likes to clean house in the nude, so when she bent over to pick up something, I went for the ride of a life time!".
"And that's why you're here?" asked the other dogs. "No, I'm getting my nails clipped."
Animal cruelty:
How to Wash the Cat - by The Dog
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet (this step is optional).
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted .
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, he is actually enjoying this.)
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
Date rape:
Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting public-house regulars to be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl.
There is a drug, called beer, that is essentially in liquid form. The drug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to convince their male victims to have sex with them. The shocking statistic is that beer is available virtually anywhere!
All girls have to do is buy a beer or two for almost any guy and simply ask the guy home for no-strings attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless against such attacks.
Please! Forward this to every male you know... However, if you fall victim to this insidious drug and the predatory creatures administering them, there are male support groups with venues in every suburb where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with a bunch of similarly affected like-minded guys.
For the nearest venue near you just look up Pub in the yellow pages.
Incest
There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's liscense.
She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her liscense.
When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.
She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.
The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."
Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.
As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your dick tastes like shit"
Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."
Paedophilia/murder
A little boy and a pedophile are walking in the deep, dark, woods. The little boy says,
"Mister, I'm scared! These woods are really creepy."
The pedophile replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back all by myself."
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They all have the elements of humor as an art, but about half of them are too disgusting to repeat, and I didn't laugh at any of them.
I'll tell a joke most people say is horribly sick, and I tell mostly to see peple's mixed reactions of amusement and disgust. It's gross but not nessessarily offensive.
An old man and an old woman meet one night while playing Bingo. They flirt a little, hit it off, and then go back to the woman's apartment afterward, where they get it on. Afterward, the old man is thinking:
"If I had known she was still a virgin, I would have been more gentle."
And the old woman is thinking:
"If I had known he was still virile, I would have taken off my pantyhose."
Does that particular joke offend anyone, or did you just kind of wince?
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They all have the elements of humor as an art, but about half of them are too disgusting to repeat, and I didn't laugh at any of them.
I'll tell a joke most people say is horribly sick, and I tell mostly to see peple's mixed reactions of amusement and disgust. It's gross but not nessessarily offensive.
An old man and an old woman meet one night while playing Bingo. They flirt a little, hit it off, and then go back to the woman's apartment afterward, where they get it on. Afterward, the old man is thinking:
"If I had known she was still a virgin, I would have been more gentle."
And the old woman is thinking:
"If I had known he was still virile, I would have taken off my pantyhose."
Does that particular joke offend anyone, or did you just kind of wince?
That particular joke I found funny, not hilarious, but funny!
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Just saw this one in my puns LJ community:
A jogger runs into a NAMBLA convention. His pedometer explodes.
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http://ia300105.us.archive.org/1/items/modestproposal/modestproposal_swift.mp3
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Hitler/Holocaust:
Mildly funny.
Bestiality:
Funny.
Animal cruelty:
Shocking, but funny.
Date rape:
Hilarious.
Incest:
Disgusting(only because of my particular distaste of shit, not the incest), but hilarious.
Paedophilia/murder:
Hilarious.
Old man and old woman:
I thought it was neither offensive, nor disgusting, and kind of funny, so I may not have understood it correctly.
Jogger:
A small inner chuckle.
The beach sign:
Fuckin' hilarious.
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I would only tell a dead baby joke around someone I didn't think would be offended. I never tell racist jokes. I do, however, tell and like sexist jokes, both anti-male and anti-female. Only the ones with art, though.
Example of a sexist joke with art: Adam says to God, "I'm lonely. I want someone to share Eden with." God replied, "OK. I'll make you somone. She'll be beautisul, she'll cook for you, she'll clean for you, she'll have sex whenever you want her to and never say a cross word to you." "Sounds great," says Adam. "What'll she cost me?" "Well, she'll cost you an arm and a leg." "What can I get for a rib?"
Example of a sexist joke with no art: Q. Why can't women ski? A. There's no snow between the kitchen and the laundry room!
The latter joke just isn't funny. Not because it's offensive (it's too dumb to offend me) but because it isn't clever. My boyfriend bought Maddox's book of manliness and I couldn't stop laughing, looking at it. THAT shit has art. It's horrible, horrible, horrible, but there's humor in the offensiveness.
Here's another artless sexist joke, disturbingly so:
Wife: Why don't you ever buy me jewelry?
Browbeat husband: Jewelry? Like What?
Wife: I dunno, a watch maybe?
BBH: What do you need a watch for? There's a perfectly good clock on the stove.
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(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1163740166772.gif)
I don't know why I find this funny. Probably because it was kind of clever to apply that text to that particular scene in hellsing, although the injuries are shopped on, i think.
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Another that I thought particularly offensive, and almost unrepeatable, and definitely in very poor taste:
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Shouldn't have to say anything, you've already told her twice.
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Another that I thought particularly offensive, and almost unrepeatable, and definitely in very poor taste:
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Shouldn't have to say anything, you've already told her twice.
However, an even worse and tasteless joke goes something like this: (punch line deleted for obvious reasons)
Adam goes looking for Eve and finds her bathing in the river........
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(http://www.dark-sanity.com/1163740166772.gif)
I don't know why I find this funny. Probably because it was kind of clever to apply that text to that particular scene in hellsing, although the injuries are shopped on, i think.
::)
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Another that I thought particularly offensive, and almost unrepeatable, and definitely in very poor taste:
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Shouldn't have to say anything, you've already told her twice.
Well I must be one evil fuck because I find that hilarious.
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The beach sign:
Fuckin' hilarious.
The beach sign is actually real; 82 people have drowned there.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanakapiai
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Oh I know, that is why it is funny. I love that they have the marks RIGHT on there. Not only is it hilarious, it is a nice honest blunt warning, which is something I think they should do more often. No "Do not attempt to stop chain with hand" on the side of a chainsaw, just post a picture of somebody who tried.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e98zhcrZxSc
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e98zhcrZxSc
Damn, I can never go to the good sites from work.....
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Another that I thought particularly offensive, and almost unrepeatable, and definitely in very poor taste:
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Shouldn't have to say anything, you've already told her twice.
Well I must be one evil fuck because I find that hilarious.
;) ;)
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There's irony in the hellsing thing if you realize she could beat the shit out of any man alive (only someone undead could take her). But beyond that not particularly funny.
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I didn't think it was a prize, but when would I get the opportunity to post it again? (I got a whole mess o' pictures that are PERFECT for certain situations, but it is torture to wait for those situations to come by.)
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I didn't think it was a prize, but when would I get the opportunity to post it again? (I got a whole mess o' pictures that are PERFECT for certain situations, but it is torture to wait for those situations to come by.)
chance favors the prepared mind.
make those situations happen. and test your ability to get others to do your bidding. :evillaugh:
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What's worse than having a fly in your food?
Cancer!
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(http://img209.imageshack.us/img209/4196/vcbbcqmw7.jpg)
BANG!