INTENSITY²
Start here => What's your crime? Basic Discussion => Topic started by: McGiver on December 26, 2006, 09:05:17 AM
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yesterday, on x-mas day, i am driving around with my oldest daughter. she asks me, "Daddy, is Santa real?"
so i tell her, " MJ, it is ok to pretend that Santa is real, but since you asked me directly whether he is real or not, i cannot lie. NO, Santa is made up fun for the kids. Mommy and I are the ones who give you all the presents from Santa."
am i a grinch?
what would the rest of you do in a situation like this?
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Your daughter will hate you and your objectivity now.
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I agree with you Mr. Grinch. There's quite a difference between carrying on an assumed game (white lie) to the benefit of your children, increasing their imagination and proficiency with double checking everything in life, but the fact that she questioned you indicates that she already has her own doubts. Trying to continue such a game would require something other than an innocent white lie.
When a child questions the assumed truth of fairy tales, it's time to point out how truly special they are again, while gently offering her reality, but on a pillow, if possible. The child will still feel let down, maybe angry, no matter how we handle the situation. How would you feel if suddenly most of the magic was drained out of your world? Brace up for a lot of conversations like that one, in the near future.
How old is she?
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Your daughter will hate you and your objectivity now.
so what would you have done?
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Your daughter will hate you and your objectivity now.
so what would you have done?
Sorry, I was just pulling your leg, Faggs.
Seriously, I don't think you did anything wrong; your daughter asked you a question, and you gave her an honest answer.
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Dawg, she is nearly nine years old.
quite logical of a thinker as well.l
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can i also get advice on how some other parents handled it or how they plan on handling it. because quite frankly, i was taken off guard. and i wasn't prepared for it like i should have been.
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I think you did the right thing.
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My kids catch me off guard, very often, especially the (just turned) six year old. Nine years old seems plenty old enough to start to (destroy her world) let her in on the reality of many traditional myths, but I'm not the one to take advice from.
Honestly, I think congratulations are in order, for raising such a smart daughter.
8)
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My mom blew it for me when I was 3 and she asked. Santa and the easter bunny in one fell swoop. I came out warped but I think it's unrelated. You did right, McJ.
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My parents were christian fudamentalists so the didn't realy push Santa Clause enough for me to believe in it.
BTW, McJ, you did the right thing.
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"I don't know, but Santa didn't donate any money to your training bike."
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I looked through Santa myself when I was 3 years old and Santa wore the wedding ring of my mother's cousins husband: "Mum, why does Santa wear uncle Leif's ring?"
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can i also get advice on how some other parents handled it or how they plan on handling it. because quite frankly, i was taken off guard. and i wasn't prepared for it like i should have been.
Fact O' life as a parent! I would have done the same thing! Obviously she asked because there was a sniggle of doubt entering her growing mind! It was a gentle honest response to an open question! Kids have a knack for coming to conclusions on their own, they just need the occasional reinforcement of their awareness of the world.
Wait till the "other stuff" starts cropping up in their questions! Getting caught off guard is par for the course! Just start anticipating it now!
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I plan to avoid commiting to a yes or no answer a lot by saying I don't know. I'd prefer saying that nobody knows and they only act like they think they do, but i'd prefer my child realize that on his own without me telling him that. I mean santa claus could decline to visit me or anyone I know for 25 years in a row, but that doesn't prove he doesn't exist. It only implies it is highly unlikely he does exist, or that if he does exist he hasn't visited me or anyone I know. But it by no means proves anything. I'd like my child to be aware of that principle of logic, preferably intuitively.
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yesterday, on x-mas day, i am driving around with my oldest daughter. she asks me, "Daddy, is Santa real?"
so i tell her, " MJ, it is ok to pretend that Santa is real, but since you asked me directly whether he is real or not, i cannot lie. NO, Santa is made up fun for the kids. Mommy and I are the ones who give you all the presents from Santa."
am i a grinch?
what would the rest of you do in a situation like this?
Isn't your daughter like 8 or 9? Most kids know by then. However, I think it might be more tricky for kids who are on the spectrum. I know I was pretty mad that I was lied to (that's one thing I REALLY can't stand) and that the magic had been ruined. You're definitely not a Grinch though. Your daughter had to learn sometime, and it's better you were honest and direct with her rather than her finding out by accident.
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so today i find out that she told my 7 year old that santa doesn't exist.
when i told my 9 year old the truth, i asked her explicitly not to mention it to her sister. because each kid needs to find out for themselves and that she probably won't figure it out for another year or two.
boy is my wife pissed at me.
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lol, i did the same thing when I found out. My sister was 3! My mom was pissed at me and did damage control.
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You should have seen that one coming :laugh:
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She had to know sooner or later. :laugh:
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As far as I can remember, I have never believed in santa, the easter bunny, or the tooth fairy. I saw it all as a bunch of silly jokes from the very start.
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so today i find out that she told my 7 year old that santa doesn't exist.
when i told my 9 year old the truth, i asked her explicitly not to mention it to her sister. because each kid needs to find out for themselves and that she probably won't figure it out for another year or two.
boy is my wife pissed at me.
Tell your wife, I said to get over it! That kind of "awesome" secret is way too much for a 9 y/o to keep to herself. Besides, it would have slipped out of the wee ones mouth sooner or later. Kids say the darnedest things and all that!
So how did your seven y/o react??
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I did the exact same thing as MJ when I found out the truth about Santa from my dad. If it was the truth, then I thought it was the right thing to do to tell my brothers and all the other kids the truth. My aunt did the damage control. Here is what I told my daughter about Santa:
There really is a Santa Claus. Santa Claus is a symbol of generosity and love. When kids aren't mature enough to understand abstract concepts like this, then we have to make it concrete or give them a picture so they can understand it. Only when children are old enough are they told that Santa really isn't a man in a red suit, but a special way that people can be loving and generous without getting credit for it. But, it is a very special secret and only parents can decide when their child is ready to understand that Santa isn't a real man in a red suit, so it isn't fair for anyone but a parent to tell this special secret.
Then I reiterated to her the importance of keeping the secret and letting the parents decide when their own children are old enough to understand abstract concepts like Santa Claus just before we went to my brother's house to celebrate Christmas morning with his two young children. I also asked him and his wife if their kids still believed, just in case she spilled the beans, but she did not as far as I know.
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Perfect.
I owe you a +, but I need to let my +maker cool off for a while, first.
Glad you're back.
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Perfect.
I owe you a +, but I need to let my +maker cool off for a while, first.
Glad you're back.
Dittos to that DirtDawg. Callaway, nice to have you back. ;D
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Santa, like god, is fun to believe in, is something I can neither prove nor disprove exists, and probably doesn't.