INTENSITY²
Start here => Free For ALL => Topic started by: bodie on August 06, 2011, 11:41:24 AM
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Just wondering about the influence of siblings when raising a child? Does it make any difference if
that child is on the spectrum? If so, would brothers and sisters be an advantage or a disadvantage?
I been reading about different groups in society and the idea that autistic kids are better off in large
families. Not sure what i make of it, but most of you know i am raising an only child on the spectrum
and just wondered what you think.
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I've seen a massive family where I suspect some of the kids to be on the spectrum.
The mother used to tell me she had lots of autistic traits. (That was before I realised and found out I was on the spectrum). She's got plenty of spectrum family relatives, both severe and more mild. The big, very structured, family does work well. Somehow for all the kids, there is a kind of safety in numbers. And, they are valued, no matter how they are. All kids are welcome, none is seen as defective. There is less individual attention possible though. And a lot less personal space too.
For my oldest, it was a good thing to get a little sister. Now she's a teen, she's not always that happy with her younger sister. Guess that that is true for a lot of teens. But, her sister did help her find courage for a lot of things.
I mostly loved having siblings.
Like my oldest, I did find courage because of the brother under me being more daring, and taking me with him.
And now, I love to talk to my second brother, who is very much like me.
Would I have been unhappy, or off worse had I been on my own? Don't think so.
On the other hand, depression seems to happen more when you have no close relationships.
Having rotten relationships with siblings, because of being the only one in the family on the spectrum would not be helpful though.
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@ Hyke
i agree :2thumbsup:
you always make perfect sense!
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@ Hyke
i agree :2thumbsup:
you always make perfect sense!
My kids would disagree with you on that.
And they would be totally agreeing with eachother on that too. Siblings united. :lol:
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I have 2 NT sisters. One older, one younger. I wouldnt say they made growing up any easier. I had a bad relationship with my older sister. It is worse now than it was when we were kids. She hasnt even let me see her baby.
The relationship with my younger sister wasnt bad, but I didnt have much to do with her. I just found her annoying, and I moved out when she was only 11, and hardly saw her in years. We recently got close again, and she moved over to stay with me in Ireland.
I dont think my childhood would have been too different if Id been an only child.
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I was better off with siblings, I think. I'm close to both of them, they've helped and influenced me, and I've probably influenced them. My older brother married an autistic person. My younger sister works with autistic kids. Coincidences? Don't know. Maybe they both curse me now.
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I think I would have tried shipping them to another country and forgetting to poke air holes in the box first if I had any. :zoinks:
Every adult that used to ask me "wouldn't you like a little brother or sister?" used to get the shock of their lives when even at the age of four I would scream "NOoooo!".
I didn't like other kids when "I" was a kid, it wasn't until I had my son that things changed. He wanted a brother or sister when he was younger, now that he's older and after going over his friends houses that have them :zombiefuck:, no way. :LOL:
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Was an only child in an accepting and lenient home; it was nice. Not sure if siblings would have made a difference.
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As a parent, I tend to think that having siblings is a good thing. Helps the kid understand that no, s/he isn't necessarily the centre of the universe.
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My siblings are the reason I still have some form of social life with other people.
Without them, I'd probably be a hermit in my own cave with my computer as my only friend and partner.
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I had endless talks with my sister to understand why people behave the way they do, so yes, I know what you're talking about.
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I'm the youngest sibling with two older brothers. I get along ok with both of them but we've never been "close" in any sense. We barely know what's going on in each others lives unless we hear it from other people. They did tease me a bit during my younger years, but I'm still not as thick skinned as I should be for someone with older male siblings. I was left alone a lot apart from that, as they did their own boy things (backyard cricket etc). Would have liked a sister or two to keep me company on the sidelines watching :-\
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I've 2 older brothers, both have pissed me off to no end. Always very condescending and disapproving. Even if I got a Noble prize, they'd still treat me like I'm 8 years old. The weird thing is though that I seem to have more sense than them two. They're the ones with criminal records. :laugh:
It's even more unsettling that they've made out I'm more of a retard than I am to others to taint any hope of me being socially accepted. This caused living in Carrickmacross (where I was until 2-3 years ago) to be much more difficult especially in later years. Even worse is that it's a small town, there's only one main street and you have to walk past these people all the time and put up being ridiculed.
I gave up trying to please them long ago, got the fuck out of that shithole of a town and now I'm much happier.
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As a parent, I tend to think that having siblings is a good thing. Helps the kid understand that no, s/he isn't necessarily the centre of the universe.
OMG No. Tell me it isn't true. (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v249/danny0023/smilies/tantrum-smiley.gif)
Seriously I know what you mean though, but it can happen with kids in a second marriage or from being the "only" boy/girl, youngest, etc. Many parents tend to pick "favorites" which sucks. :P
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:laugh: It's not true. You really are the centre of the universe.
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:laugh: It's not true. You really are the centre of the universe.
Then the universe is really in some deep shit. :LOL:
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:laugh: It's not true. You really are the centre of the universe.
Then the universe is really in some deep shit. :LOL:
Well, yes. It went downhill from the Big Bang. :P
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It seems that it is the personality of your siblings that is important. Not merely their presence. They could
be really helpful or really fuck you up. Interesting. You know when people say things like 'you are just like
your brother/sister' they usually mean physical characteristics. How likely is it that we are more like our
siblings in personality? It seems we are not. So what shapes our personality? Is it not genetics? Is it just nurture in the 'nature versus nurture debate'?
Apologies. Just thinking. Been told plenty of times it is not something i do too well. Lol. I just
cant help but wonder about these things.
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I've 2 older brothers, both have pissed me off to no end. Always very condescending and disapproving. Even if I got a Noble prize, they'd still treat me like I'm 8 years old. The weird thing is though that I seem to have more sense than them two. They're the ones with criminal records. :laugh:
It's even more unsettling that they've made out I'm more of a retard than I am to others to taint any hope of me being socially accepted. This caused living in Carrickmacross (where I was until 2-3 years ago) to be much more difficult especially in later years. Even worse is that it's a small town, there's only one main street and you have to walk past these people all the time and put up being ridiculed.
I gave up trying to please them long ago, got the fuck out of that shithole of a town and now I'm much happier.
That's how my older siblings are to me.
My oldest brother is a 47 year old assistiant manager at McDonalds and he thinks he's a god of the food industry. :facepalm2:
My sister keeps marying total losers who control and dominate her, and she thinks she's the best judge of character on earth. :facepalm2:
I have 5 NHRA World Championship Rings and I've built stuff that is in orbit around the earth, and on other planets. In their eyes, I'm the retard of the family. ::) ::) ::)
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@Bod. I agree about personality. My big sister is only a couple of years older than me. She could have been great for me, but she was a bitch to me, and one of lifes failures. I got bullied at school, and she would be friendly with my bullies, and continue picking on me at home. Now she wonders why I let her live in poverty, and wont do a thing to stop it.
And I think circumstances of the child have a big impact on how much theu need siblings. If the child is lonely, and doesnt have many friends, then a siblong could makr a huge difference. I was lucky and met mu best friend before I started school. Since then, Ive been able to make her friends into my friends.
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Just wondering about the influence of siblings when raising a child? Does it make any difference if
that child is on the spectrum? If so, would brothers and sisters be an advantage or a disadvantage?
I been reading about different groups in society and the idea that autistic kids are better off in large
families. Not sure what i make of it, but most of you know i am raising an only child on the spectrum
and just wondered what you think.
I have two brothers, my husband has two sisters, and we are raising an only.
She would like to have a sibling, but I don't think that's likely to happen.
There are pluses and minuses of both, IMO.
She gets more attention than she would if she were one of several children. I'm working on her Halloween costume right now. She wants to be "Lloyd in Space."
(http://i39.tinypic.com/f21zj5.jpg)
I doubt that I would have time to do this for ten children.
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I have 5 NHRA World Championship Rings
That made me curious.
http://www.nhra.com/points/champs.aspx (http://www.nhra.com/points/champs.aspx)
It seems that nobody wins just one - kind of like potato chips :LOL:
If cut and paste into an excel spreadsheet you will see that several people have three, even more have four and one guy has six and two guys have ten or more, but nobody has five. Do they need to update their website?
I did find this site though: http://www.jostens.com/apps/shop/Catalog.asp?CID=268875&PFID=2005061014001413374&GID=22230 (http://www.jostens.com/apps/shop/Catalog.asp?CID=268875&PFID=2005061014001413374&GID=22230)
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I have 5 NHRA World Championship Rings
That made me curious.
http://www.nhra.com/points/champs.aspx (http://www.nhra.com/points/champs.aspx)
It seems that nobody wins just one - kind of like potato chips :LOL:
If cut and paste into an excel spreadsheet you will see that several people have three, even more have four and one guy has six and two guys have ten or more, but nobody has five. Do they need to update their website?
I did find this site though: http://www.jostens.com/apps/shop/Catalog.asp?CID=268875&PFID=2005061014001413374&GID=22230 (http://www.jostens.com/apps/shop/Catalog.asp?CID=268875&PFID=2005061014001413374&GID=22230)
Scrapheap worked for John Force Racing for several years.
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That dood is a winner :thumbup:
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Scrapheap worked for John Force Racing for several years.
That dood is a winner :thumbup:
I also worked for the now defunct Foxen Canyon Motorsports.
We won 2 Top Fuel Championships, while I was there, with Gary Scelzi in the Winston Dragster. :hotrodder:
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Met with my sister today on my way back home. I wouldn't want to be without my siblings. :)
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Met with my sister today on my way back home. I wouldn't want to be without my siblings. :)
My sister died years ago. Miss her terribly but have two comedians as older brothers
which is some consolation. They have pissed me off over the years but would never
want to be without them either.
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I have two sisters. One is exactly 6 years older than me and the other almost 1 year younger. Especially the older one was my point of reference when I was a young kiddo and she helped me a lot with social stuff and I learned a great deal from her by simply copying things she did when I was young. Um, in retrospective, she moving out of my parents house when I was 13/14 y/o made quite an impact on this fella back then. Shook my world and quite a bit shite happened in the following years. All her fault.
Nah, of course not (about it being her fault).. but looking back now I did lose a big stable anchor-point then and basically....
Mmmm, does this post have any point to make?
Well, for me goes I'm glad I had siblings when I grew up. Think still, those two understand me better than most other folks.
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As a parent, I tend to think that having siblings is a good thing. Helps the kid understand that no, s/he isn't necessarily the centre of the universe.
Good point. :agreed:
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Met with my sister today on my way back home. I wouldn't want to be without my siblings. :)
My sister died years ago. Miss her terribly but have two comedians as older brothers
which is some consolation. They have pissed me off over the years but would never
want to be without them either.
Sorry about your sister, glad you have the brothers. :hug:
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I liked having lots of siblings and first cousins growing up. Being the second oldest had disadvantages since my older brother was out doing social stuff and, by default, I often got left looking after the younger siblings and cousins. In some cases that made real tight bonds, but it also was a nuisance. The fact that I often had no plans did not mean I didn't want to do things. One lesson I have learned is that when someone calls and asks what I am doing I will often say "Nothing, as in I am doing nothing and want the rest of my day free to do nothing or to do something spontaneous." People will sometimes want to appoint themselves a social secretary if they are not put in check. I fucking hate surprises, my mother snuck a surprise 50th birthday party on me and I had to grin and bear it because she is my mother and my family loves me. On the plus side that was the weekend I fired a rented M1 Submachinegun! :2thumbsup: :viking: :headbang2: :tickle: :zoinks:
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I liked having lots of siblings and first cousins growing up. Being the second oldest had disadvantages since my older brother was out doing social stuff and, by default, I often got left looking after the younger siblings and cousins. In some cases that made real tight bonds, but it also was a nuisance. The fact that I often had no plans did not mean I didn't want to do things. One lesson I have learned is that when someone calls and asks what I am doing I will often say "Nothing, as in I am doing nothing and want the rest of my day free to do nothing or to do something spontaneous." People will sometimes want to appoint themselves a social secretary if they are not put in check. I fucking hate surprises, my mother snuck a surprise 50th birthday party on me and I had to grin and bear it because she is my mother and my family loves me. On the plus side that was the weekend I fired a rented M1 Submachinegun! :2thumbsup: :viking: :headbang2: :tickle: :zoinks:
Sounds great to me.
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I don't like surprises like that either... chances are if someone else has invited all those people
there are bound to be some you wouldn't have :zoinks:
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I have two older sisters and a twin.
When my family split when I was about 9, I got close to my second oldest sister. She would talk to me as if I were an equal and I really appreciated that.
I didn't get along with my twin at that age but we have gotten along amicably now that we are adults. We don't have that twin bond anymore though.
None of my immediate family have autism or ADHD. My twin needed help with fine motor skills though, and she was held back a year in Grade 1.