INTENSITY²
Start here => Free For ALL => Topic started by: midlifeaspie on August 08, 2012, 10:16:50 AM
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So, I am hanging out in my yard with my wife, 2 kids, SIL and her kid having a bit of a cookout and just generally enjoying the new house and yard. Neighbor guy walks up and introduces himself as he is handing out flyers for a neighborhood ice cream social for National Night Out. Seems like a good enough guy, asks me about the place, what I think of the neighborhood and asks me what I do and then asks me to clarify. We have a 5 minute conversation about the complexities of my career, insurance law in general and what it will be like to go to law school while maintaining a full time job and a family. Then he talks about himself for a bit. Explains to me that he has two adult children with disabilities who still live at home. "You see, they have the Aspergers ... have you ever heard of that?"
"Yes, I have. I'm so sorry"
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I'm clearing having an aspie moment. :P Why say I'm so sorry?
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I'm clearing having an aspie moment. :P Why say I'm so sorry?
It's what he wanted to hear. Clearly aspie kids will live at home forever and never amount to anything /sarcasm/
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Oh I see :laugh:
Some aspies will have a more difficult time to live independently and some do brilliantly well. There's a wide variety on the spectrum.
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lulz. i hope he got all offended while trying to hide it untill he went back home than bitched to his wife about what an ass you were/how ignorant.
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Besides, my asshole hurts. i hope he got all offended while trying to hide it untill he went back home than bitched to his wife about what an ass you were/how ignorant.
He has no idea about my diagnosis, and as far as he knows I was very sympathetic to his poor kids plight.
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Besides, my asshole hurts. i hope he got all offended while trying to hide it untill he went back home than bitched to his wife about what an ass you were/how ignorant.
He has no idea about my diagnosis, and as far as he knows I was very sympathetic to his poor kids plight.
should have said you understand his kids more than he did and than when he gets all upity explane that you have aspergers syndrome to :trollface:
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They have the Aspergers oh noes :GA: I hope that's not contagious :zoinks:
Well you will have to wait and see some parents handle it better than others. It would be interesting to hear your take on it all after you have seen them around the nieghborhood. I have met some that I felt would be fully capable of being independent if they were not raised in a situation that did not let them develop the necessary skills to live on their own.
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OMG! I'm shocked!
You have neighbours that are friendly and talk to you :orly:
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OMG! I'm shocked!
You have neighbours that are friendly and talk to you :orly:
He's new they don't know better yet :zoinks:
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Yup, wait until he tells them about his ass burgers :tard:
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OMG! I'm shocked!
You have neighbours that are friendly and talk to you :orly:
He's new they don't know better yet :zoinks:
Yeah, he actually asked me if I would run for the HOA presidency as there is an opening. Then he would really like me :autism:
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HOA?
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HOA?
Home Owners Association. The "governing body" for the neighborhood.
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Yes you did well. It was what he wanted to hear. If he has not been able to provide them with the life skills they need to get out and enabled them to stay at home then it is not their Aspergers keeping them back.
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HOA?
Home Owners Association. The "governing body" for the neighborhood.
Ooooh, sounds very la de da
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HOA?
Home Owners Association. The "governing body" for the neighborhood.
Ooooh, sounds very la de da
It organizes block parties and makes sure everyone mows their lawn. Not terribly "posh" ;)
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Yes you did well. It was what he wanted to hear. If he has not been able to provide them with the life skills they need to get out and enabled them to stay at home then it is not their Aspergers keeping them back.
My dad calls my mom an 'enabler' I call her a disabler. I have asked her to tread me like a tennant and not like a daughter from now on. I am saving up to move out if our arrangement goes sour. I have a lot more money living with her so I have to pay down bills and save money. My mom is only trying to help me, but she makes a lot of things harder.
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But I don't think just because someone with aspergers is living at home it means their parents are enabling them. I look at my son's cognitive issue and parts of his brain function off the charts, other parts, literally, function at 1%. When you have such a huge disparity, it means some things you can overcome but there's a chance that there's some things you can't. :dunno:
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My mother from the get go pretty much had a no-BS attitude to rearing me. She took me out and helped me get involved with other kids, along with extensive speech therapy etc. She was not trying to "cure" me either, just trying to get myself as ready as possible for life in general. Still was difficult as shit though, for me and for her. Worth it though, now in college and hoping to keep on going for at least a Master's degree. I'm even thinking of becoming a teacher/lecturer. I have friends, a social life and even managed to maintain a relationship. People literally don't notice I have any problems to the point that they think I'm lying (even though I still have issues, but they're easily masked). I pretty much take that as a compliment nowadays. If I tell people I have AS and they ACTUALLY believe me, then they instantly turn patronising and treat me like I am some mongoloid, even though I'm probably more smarter and knowledgeable than them.
Then you get parents who do nothing for their kids, accept there's "something wrong" with them and basically say "I can't do much about it, they're always going to be like that". Enabling basically. These kids turn into "adult children" or even worse, retarded spastics like Spookane. I would hate to be the child of these kind of people.
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Since so many comorbids go along with ASD, maybe it's the better option?
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To enable?
Sure, if you want your ASD kids to think they're special, not capable of much and not have any life prospects.
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I can't say much I didn't leave home until I was almost 30. :LOL:
My parents were very reclusive. I never had a problem getting a job, my problem was keeping them or getting promoted.
Nobody likes a smart ass, and I have the same inherited trait my father had of pissing people off and not knowing when to keep my mouth shut :zoinks:...and I'm normally not aware of what the hell I said that set them off until I rehash it 20 or more times in my head 4 hours later.
My leaving home was also delayed by about 5 years when my father's health started to take a nose dive.
I think you should definately run for the HOA presidency though. I would. >:D
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HOA?
Home Owners Association. The "governing body" for the neighborhood.
Ooooh, sounds very la de da
It isnt. When I lived in california our apartment complex had a HOA. it was actually satan beelzibub himself, Lets see,
Things they complained about, DO not hang anything on your balquoney. No umbrellas on balquoney, we had to get permission to hang out fucking direct tv dish from the railing on the balquoney, and that took goddamn near a month to get approved.
That was the outside. Inside, the neighbor underneath us complained about us running our dishwasher too much so there was that whole fucking fiasco. Overall HOA's are the niggest pain in the fucking ass ever. Also, everyone has to pay fucking due's everymonth wheather they like it or not, to be in the goddamn thing!
:autism: :thumbdn:
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Never seen balcony spelt like that before.
I am 35 and live with my parents. I am waiting for a place through HomesWest or Access Housing though, whichever comes first. It is driving me crazy waiting, I can't wait to live alone again.
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But I don't think just because someone with aspergers is living at home it means their parents are enabling them. I look at my son's cognitive issue and parts of his brain function off the charts, other parts, literally, function at 1%. When you have such a huge disparity, it means some things you can overcome but there's a chance that there's some things you can't. :dunno:
That's my daughter too. I try to teach her everything I can but some things are still very difficult for her. At this point, it looks like she will still be living at home for awhile.
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See, you people had parents who gave a fuck and tried to help you out the best they could. Not every autistic is fortunate enough to have that. Well, suppose it could be worse. Like begin sexually molested or even murdered. Or being born in some third-world country.
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I say work with what you have.
If there is a co-morbid that comes with AS that is disabling to the point of a child not able to move out of home...whatever that co-morbid is then we are not saying "My child can not but live at home BECAUSE they have AS" are we?
It would be like saying my child can not go to work bacause they have one leg shorter than the other and walking is difficult, as is attending job interviews. It may well be. But if we then found they had severe anxiety disorder and were severely epilesptic then it is probably worth saying that the REASON is not the shorter leg.
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I just made a really long and profound reply in this thread. Then i hit the preview button and i got the log in page :grrr:
When i logged in my reply was gone and i was starting a new topic ???
I tried to go back but my reply was gone. grrr
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I just made a really long and profound reply in this thread. Then i hit the preview button and i got the log in page :grrr:
When i logged in my reply was gone and i was starting a new topic ???
I tried to go back but my reply was gone. grrr
Genuinely sorry i missed it
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But I don't think just because someone with aspergers is living at home it means their parents are enabling them. I look at my son's cognitive issue and parts of his brain function off the charts, other parts, literally, function at 1%. When you have such a huge disparity, it means some things you can overcome but there's a chance that there's some things you can't. :dunno:
I met the kids briefly walking around the neighborhood. They are coddled as special little snowflakes that the world shouldn't be hard on. They don't appear to function any worse than Ricky, and his problem is personality over functioning. He probably could live an independent life if he wasn't such a twat.
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I'll be stuck living at home for a few years out of simple convenience. There is a major uni just a short drive away.
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But I don't think just because someone with aspergers is living at home it means their parents are enabling them. I look at my son's cognitive issue and parts of his brain function off the charts, other parts, literally, function at 1%. When you have such a huge disparity, it means some things you can overcome but there's a chance that there's some things you can't. :dunno:
I met the kids briefly walking around the neighborhood. They are coddled as special little snowflakes that the world shouldn't be hard on. They don't appear to function any worse than Ricky, and his problem is personality over functioning. He probably could live an independent life if he wasn't such a twat.
Ah I see
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I met the kids briefly walking around the neighborhood. They are coddled as special little snowflakes that the world shouldn't be hard on. They don't appear to function any worse than Ricky, and his problem is personality over functioning. He probably could live an independent life if he wasn't such a twat.
Fat baby whatchu talking about? I live an independent Life. :prude:
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I met the kids briefly walking around the neighborhood. They are coddled as special little snowflakes that the world shouldn't be hard on. They don't appear to function any worse than Ricky, and his problem is personality over functioning. He probably could live an independent life if he wasn't such a twat.
Fat baby whatchu talking about? I live an independent Life. :prude:
You live with your Mommy. Before that you lived with your Daddy. Before that you were what? Homeless?
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The reason I lived with my dad was because he was living in his sisters garage for 6 years, So, I went out to help him get an apartment. Once that was accomplished, I moved back to flagstaff and decided the only way I was going to save enough money for my fire agate ring was to live with my mother. She only charges me $300 rent, so this is a fantastic deal. especially for my area, I figure it will take me about 10 months, (9-8 months now) for me to to get this done, after of wich I'll move out on my own, again.
Before All of this I did live on my own, for 2 years. The reason I moved was because something was flaking off of my walls, and making me ill I think. So it was perfect timining for all of this other stuff to happen
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the only way I was going to save enough money for my fire agate ring was to live with my mother
Okay, I was wrong. You are lower functioning than I thought. This is not something normal people do. Live with Mommy so they can buy another shiny rock instead of getting out there and actually having a life and acting like an adult. Your mother allowing this is coddling as well.
[Before All of this I did live on my own, for 2 years. The reason I moved was because something was flaking off of my walls, and making me ill I think.
So you lived in a shithole. My bad, I guess you lived independently though in the worst possible way, and then failed out of even that lifestyle.
So, what are you doing for a living now? Still living off my tax dollars instead of supporting yourself?
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You know what I think? I think you got the hots for me fatbaby. pretty soon my online persona will bother you so much you'll have a nervous breakdown and look exactly like carrot top. hey, glad I could help. :zoinks:
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You know what I think? I think you got the hots for me fatbaby. pretty soon my online persona will bother you so much you'll have a nervous breakdown and look exactly like carrot top. hey, glad I could help. :zoinks:
Yeah, that was about the answer I was expecting. Getting a little too close for comfort.
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Yeah. your gonna be that guy that the judge appoints to a defendent because he's unwilling or cant pay for a lawyer.
why? you suck at proving you're point. :laugh:
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You two are hilarious.
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I don't have a problem with adult children living at home I have a problem with parents who never teach them the life skills they need to live as independently as possible. Some due to their disabilities will never fully be independent others will do very well on their own. It establishes a feeling of self worth that I have always felt is very important. There will always be situations where children need some help and have to move back in at times it's unavoidable. My eldest son has 'the' Aspergers but has his own apartment, job and car at 20.
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Yeah. your gonna be that guy that the judge appoints to a defendent because he's unwilling or cant pay for a lawyer.
why? you suck at proving you're point. :laugh:
Public Defender is a very difficult job to get. Just slightly easier than City or County Prosecutor. When you actually know what you are talking about, learn how to spell and get a clue about punctuation, please feel free to return. :M
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If a naive screwup like me could learn to live alone, there is hope for the
neighbors' kids. :viking: You never know, maybe they will figure it out!
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I don't have a problem with adult children living at home I have a problem with parents who never teach them the life skills they need to live as independently as possible. Some due to their disabilities will never fully be independent others will do very well on their own. It establishes a feeling of self worth that I have always felt is very important. There will always be situations where children need some help and have to move back in at times it's unavoidable. My eldest son has 'the' Aspergers but has his own apartment, job and car at 20.
compairing myself to your eldest son: i have no feeling of self worth. i talk down to myself at every point i can
i have no house and still live with my foster parents under the care of the govt
i have no job [im trying] i just got "hired" by someone to do some computer work but he never called me in to come work on computers for his buisness which sucks royally because i would have enjoyed/been good at it.
i have no car. no drivers license [but i do have a boaters license! and can operate sea craft up to 45ft legally! HAH SUCK ON THAT!]
i turn 20 in a month. god have i failed at life.
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The reason I lived with my dad was because he was living in his sisters garage for 6 years, So, I went out to help him get an apartment. Once that was accomplished, I moved back to flagstaff and decided the only way I was going to save enough money for my fire agate ring was to live with my mother. She only charges me $300 rent, so this is a fantastic deal. especially for my area, I figure it will take me about 10 months, (9-8 months now) for me to to get this done, after of wich I'll move out on my own, again.
Before All of this I did live on my own, for 2 years. The reason I moved was because something was flaking off of my walls, and making me ill I think. So it was perfect timining for all of this other stuff to happen
[img]http://www.thefailpage.com/upload/03-2012/1334308732_coolstorybro.jpg[img]
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Thanks. but it isnt a story
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MLA is a flaming conservative. What a surprise. :wanker:
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I don't have a problem with adult children living at home I have a problem with parents who never teach them the life skills they need to live as independently as possible. Some due to their disabilities will never fully be independent others will do very well on their own. It establishes a feeling of self worth that I have always felt is very important. There will always be situations where children need some help and have to move back in at times it's unavoidable. My eldest son has 'the' Aspergers but has his own apartment, job and car at 20.
:plus:
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MLA is a flaming conservative. What a surprise. :wanker:
That made about as much sense as you usually do Dook. Nice one :thumbup:
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MLA is a flaming conservative. What a surprise. :wanker:
He seems more like a flaming Democrat to me.
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MLA is a flaming conservative. What a surprise. :wanker:
He seems more like a flaming Democrat to me.
Either way, I'm on fire.
Judy hasn't been back since the day of this post :dunno:
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Dont pat yourself on the back too much heehaw, I know you love to do that all the time because you are ghey but I'm shure his absence has nothing to do with anything you did
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Dont pat yourself on the back too much heehaw, I know you love to do that all the time because because you are ghey but I'm shure his absence has nothing to do with anything you did
I'm sure it doesn't either. He did rage-quit and leave a previous account after some light ribbing, but he has much improved since then. Unlike yourself, he stopped crying and running away when the heat was applied.
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Shit, I've run out of baby powder for your enormous sore ass. you remind me of people that carry pudding packs and ranch dressing with them in public. (wife just pulls it right out of her purse and guzzles it) I bet you sweat alot too, discusting.
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Shit, I've run out of baby powder for your enormous sore ass. you remind me of people that carry pudding packs and ranch dressing with them in public. (wife just pulls it right out of her purse and guzzles it) I bet you sweat alot too, discusting.
GARBLE GARBLE GARBLE :hahaha:
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*wiggles some bacon infront of you*
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"The Aspeger's?" That makes it sound like it's some terrible disease. I would have said something like "Asperger's? Yes" in that situation.
My mother worked hard with me growing up, teaching me how to talk, telling me social stories, drawing me pictures and showing me pictures so I can change my way of thinking and see things differently and from another perspective. It even take her hours to explain a situation to me so I understand and she had to draw me pictures because I was visual. She never really held me back or gave me a shelter life, she let kids come over and play with me, took my brothers and I to other peoples houses for us to play with their kids, it was like a play date thing they did, mom also wanted me with normal kids so when I was signed up for t ball, the coach told my mother I should be in the special league but my mother refused and he said she would have to stand out in the field with me and she said if that is what she has to do, she will. She even signed me up for gymnastics and the teacher there also told my mother I should be in psychical therapy because my coordination was poor and my mom said she would rather have me be with other kids who are also messing up and I feel normal instead of broken. She even had me do pottery so help with my motor skills and I felt normal. Plus she took me to lot of doctor appointments growing up and if it weren't for her, I wouldn't have gotten this far. Teachers in my high school tried holding me back though because they thought I was incapable like with driving or being in drama and even kids acted like I was incapable. I think I was a very difficult child but mom won't admit it and she says all kids are hard and all children embarrass their parents and she said my brothers were probably just as expensive as I was because they also had to pay for their school activities and for their school trips and buying them clothes they wear out and outgrew while she and dad had to pay for my medicine and therapies and doctors. I am sure their health insurance covered it too. I also moved out when I was almost 20 and I got my driver's license when I was nearly 17. Now they are living with me again which is ironic because it's like I had gone backwards. But it's the same with my sister in law too, she and her parents also live together. She has lived on her own before but she needs help financially and has been trying to get a job for the past year. I am also my parents only child who has never asked them for anything as an adult and my brothers had. I always try to avoid that and it's always the last on my list. If they offer, it's different.
I would probably be like one of those aspies who think they can't do anything if my parents held me back and thought I was incapable and I would probably still be single and childless. I believe some aspies get brainwashed into believing they can't learn this or that so they use their AS as an excuse for it because that is what they have been taught. But I try not to judge when i hear an aspie is still living at home and their parents are coddling them because I don't know how badly they are effected by it and what their limitations are and I don't know their situation.
As for adult kids living at home, no problem if they are going to school or they have a job and are saving their money hoping to move out soon. Or if they end up in a sit hole and they need to move back home until they get back on their feet again or if the parent needs to be taken care of due to old age and sometimes their adult child moves back in or has them move in with them so they can take care of him or her or the adult child needs help raising their child so their parents help them out. Sure if the child has a disability and they will never be independent due to their severe autism or mental retardation, etc. then I still see no problem with it. Some do put them in group homes however and I still see nothing wrong with that either.
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*wiggles some bacon infront of you*
You know how much I love bacon. That's because you pay attention :orly:
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I know how much you pretend to eat healthy motherfucker. we dont know that
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I know how much you pretend to eat healthy motherfucker. we dont know that
You are the only one who cares :hahaha:
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aww. you poor thing, can dish it out but cant take it. :emosad:
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aww. you poor thing, can dish it out but cant take it. :emosad:
Can't take what? :dunno:
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Can I ask you a question? why do ask so many questions?
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Can I ask you a question? why do ask so many questions?
You never stop thinking about me. You are making me blush. :eyelash:
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wrong oinker. its more like you never stop thinking about me
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wrong oinker. its more like you never stop thinking about me
(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51SeMXZ0seL._SL500_AA300_.jpg)
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I have 3, the PR, PA and me. Yah, I'm just as bad as they are in some ways.
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Everything is on track for me to move out in a couple of months. most importantly, I'll have my fire agate ring made.
Nothing will convince me of any choices I made good or bad, Because in the end I got what I wanted accomplished.
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I will most likely have to get funding from the Disability Services Commission if I want to move out on my own as rent in this area is very high (it is high in surrounding areas as well) and I just won't be able to afford it by myself. If not for money, I would have moved out long ago.
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most importantly, I'll have my fire agate ring made.
:indeed: