INTENSITY²
Start here => Free For ALL => Topic started by: Teejay on December 07, 2006, 04:19:40 AM
-
I've been trying to understand why a lot of females do self injury like cutting. Well I have been thinking about something I used to do when I was very frustrated or hated myself, I would bang my head with hands, ala rainman.
-
I've been trying to understand why a lot of females do self injury like cutting. Well I have been thinking about something I used to do when I was very frustrated or hated myself, I would bang my head with hands, ala rainman.
In my understanding, It's a loathing of ones self, and or a cry for help.
I used to punch and slap myself because I thought I was a worthless piece of shit. I used to cause bodily harm because I wanted someone to care.
As i've grown up, i've realised it's not my body's fault for what it is, my body is a temple and it deserves to be treated like one.
-
Physical pain causes the body to produce neurotransmitters that sre biochemically functionally the same as herion/morphine. (herion turns into morhpine in the brain.) You obviously don't get he unholy flood you'd get from shooting herion, but the pain relief accompanied by euphoria is still there to some extent. It's extremely reinforcing, and, however it may start, it can turn into an addiction.
-
Maybe even like smoking a cigarette causes many things that can satisfy a craving to and reinforce it.
-
Can't say I've ever self-injured. I must be a bit lacking in the old self-loathing.
-
I have always had a sense of separation of what is really me/myself from this wierd ass meat machine that I have to push around. I don't feel excessively self loathing, but I have hurt my body, before. It is usually from not being pleased with its functioning and wanting to punish it or wake it up.
I have an undependable tactile sense. Things don't remain consistent to my meat machine's touch from one time to another. I do understand that everyone has some mood related variations in their physical responses to things that happen, but at times I can't count on my meat machine's touch to give me any information, at all. It is very scary to feel trapped in a body without a way to contact the outside world. Seeing doesn't help, because with my vivid imagination I can see anything I want to, same with hearing ( I see very detailed sound pictures in my mind ) and the main way I get contact from is through touch, but the meat machine has to do it. My problem is that my meat machine doesn't always feel things I try to touch.
It is lack of tactile sense that re-inforces the separation of ME from the meat machine. It is lack of tactile sense that has caused me to hit things, sometimes hard enough to break bones in my meat machine's hands and toes when I was a kid.
I feel better bitching about things, sometimes .....
-
Maybe even like smoking a cigarette causes many things that can satisfy a craving to and reinforce it.
There's probably a dopamine/nucleus accumbens thing in common, but nicotiene acts on different neurotransmitters. Smoking is indeed a chemical addiction, though.
-
Maybe even like smoking a cigarette causes many things that can satisfy a craving to and reinforce it.
There's probably a dopamine/nucleus accumbens thing in common, but nicotiene acts on different neurotransmitters. Smoking is indeed a chemical addiction, though.
i agree that it is a chemical addiction, since, the times i have tried to quit it has completely cocked up my body, and mind. i get sick.
though, the hand to mouth thingie and the inhilation and exhalation is a sort of stim for me.
-
Maybe even like smoking a cigarette causes many things that can satisfy a craving to and reinforce it.
There's probably a dopamine/nucleus accumbens thing in common, but nicotiene acts on different neurotransmitters. Smoking is indeed a chemical addiction, though.
i agree that it is a chemical addiction, since, the times i have tried to quit it has completely cocked up my body, and mind. i get sick.
though, the hand to mouth thingie and the inhilation and exhalation is a sort of stim for me.
Have you tried (legal) chemical help to stop? Ex. gum, the patch, or even Wellbutrin (it's marketed under a different name but it's the same chemical, and it's used for quitting). I know how reinforcing oral fixation-type stuff can be; I got quite literally addicted to ordinary chewing gum and I swear I went into a sort of withdrawal when I stopped chewing it all the time, and smoking is a million times harder to quit, but I did have to ask.
-
carrot sticks and pencils, also chewing on my fingernails, they just don't come close to replacing the oral fixation.
-
I think for people on the spectrum, it is stimming, plain and simple.
For others, I don't know... it could be suicidal ideation manifested physically, sometimes a cry for help, a form of self hatred... not sure.
It's not just females who cut, but they seem to get the most publicity out of it.
(my 1000th post :green:)
-
I think for people on the spectrum, it is stimming, plain and simple.
For others, I don't know... it could be suicidal ideation manifested physically, sometimes a cry for help, a form of self hatred... not sure.
It's not just females who cut, but they seem to get the most publicity out of it.
(my 1000th post :green:)
Not for me. I am on the spectrum and it's a far fucking cry from a stim to me.
-
If stimming is a self-caliming mechanism to waylay sensory and emotional overload, then cutting definitely can be construed as a form of stimming for people on the spectrum. People cut to calm themselves down and to stop the "noise" of total emotional short-circuiting. Stimming isn't always bouncing your leg or tapping a pencil... think of low functioning autistics who give themselves skull fractures from banging their head against a wall. I think it's the same thing (for me, anyway).
-
If stimming is a self-caliming mechanism to waylay sensory and emotional overload, then cutting definitely can be construed as a form of stimming for people on the spectrum. People cut to calm themselves down and to stop the "noise" of total emotional short-circuiting. Stimming isn't always bouncing your leg or tapping a pencil... think of low functioning autistics who give themselves skull fractures from banging their head against a wall. I think it's the same thing (for me, anyway).
if it diverts emotional overload, then how is it not the same for people off the spectrum, then, if you're going to give stimming such a wide description anyway?
-
Is it much different?
I think the difference could also be in how little conscious control you have over any stimming. I often don't even realize I'm stimming.
When I hurt my hands and toes it was not a stim. It was a search for feeling. It was also extremely impulsive. I can't relate it to cutting, but it seems very similar to a self injury on reflection.
-
sinse smoking cigs is universally accepted as self injury i will continue on this topic.
i remember that one of the immediate benefits that i noticed from smoking was that it would act as a crutch for me when i was involved in social situations. i could talk and hide my mouth, and face because i stutter sometimes, especially when i am in a nervous conversation.
-
I carved "LSD" into my right arm as a teenager. I did'nt enjoy the pain, I just thought I was being "cool".
-
how the hell is it like taking drugs??
It just stings and leaves a huge gaping hole. Whenever i've been injured it doens't feel like that.
-
Self injury releases endorphins, that is how it's similar to drugs... that is one theory anyway.
PMSelle, about the difference between self injury in spectrum and non-spectrum people, I can't pretend to be an expert; it would be fascinating for it to be studied though. My guess is that in the spectrum cutters/ self-injurers, there will be a history of self-injury going back to early childhood, whereas in the NT cutters there will be a PTSD trigger of some sort, like sexual abuse or some other abuse or trauma, at a later point in life, or an onset at puberty. One thing that always mystified me about my self-injury is that I've done it all my life, as far back as I can remember, and I never understood why until getting a plausible reason by learning about AS. As far as widely defining "stimming--" I don't think it's extraordinary to say that stimming can be self-destructive. Some people hit themselves with hard objects, or pick their scalp or skin until they bleed, and of course there is head banging. You might or might not be using cutting as a violent form of stimming... but if you cut to self-calm, that does fit one of the purposes of stimming. But instead of banging, biting, or hitting, you're using a razor. Just a theory, I absolutely can't pretend to know your reasons, but for me it made a lot of sense.
Another thing that might be a factor in spectrum self-injury is sensory overload in addition to emotional overload, vs. solely emotional overload.
-
The physical pain distracts from emotional pain, keeps you from thinking and remembering bad things - temporarily. Personally I am not against self injury as long as it is only to the skin and you are responsible about it, meaning you let the damaged parts heal, you don't damage too much, ect.
-
PMSelle, about the difference between self injury in spectrum and non-spectrum people, I can't pretend to be an expert; it would be fascinating for it to be studied though. My guess is that in the spectrum cutters/ self-injurers, there will be a history of self-injury going back to early childhood, whereas in the NT cutters there will be a PTSD trigger of some sort, like sexual abuse or some other abuse or trauma, at a later point in life, or an onset at puberty. One thing that always mystified me about my self-injury is that I've done it all my life, as far back as I can remember, and I never understood why until getting a plausible reason by learning about AS. As far as widely defining "stimming--" I don't think it's extraordinary to say that stimming can be self-destructive. Some people hit themselves with hard objects, or pick their scalp or skin until they bleed, and of course there is head banging. You might or might not be using cutting as a violent form of stimming... but if you cut to self-calm, that does fit one of the purposes of stimming. But instead of banging, biting, or hitting, you're using a razor. Just a theory, I absolutely can't pretend to know your reasons, but for me it made a lot of sense.
That's my issue then- I have confounded variables. AS, plus PTSD from verbal/physical abuse since early childhood and continuiung into adolescence. Oddly enough, my mother cut when she was my age, stopped, then started again when I was in a particularly bad way with it, at baout age 15 (I'd started at 14 or so). I think she's stopped but to my understanding my biological father also cuts, though I don't know how long he's been doing it, nor do I want to.
-
As I understand it, one man's (or woman's) pain is the other man's pleasure. There's a rather well-known Swedish author, a woman in her twenties named Berny PÃ¥lsson who's been cutting herself since she was about eleven: She's also schizophrenic and cutting herself was partly a way to keep her demons at bay--apparently, the voices, among others, told her to keep on doing it, and she's been keeping on doing it to the extent of severe damage to nerves and nervous tissue.
Anyway, she's written an autobiography--a fascinating read, btw, but unfortunately in Swedish--but I can't remember she ever described it as being particularly painful. She'd rather describe it in terms of relief.
-
God, I hate adding to a topic that had drifted down the list. Just thought I would add. I self harmed from when I was 10. Sometimes it was for attention, sometimes it was so I would feel, but mostly it has been a reaction to rage and frustration. I have given up fully trying to understand all the whys and wherefores, but it seems to be present in several disorders, and I bet many have been misdiagnosed as a result.
-
I tear my toenails off quite regularly, however I do that for fun, not to cover up some pain or distract me.
-
All of them, Nomaken? ???
-
When I was 13 and 14 I used to hit my head on purpose on the wall or the bed post. I really hated myself back then. So I thought I deserved it.
I don't know if picking at my fingernails until they bleed would count. I think it's a nervous thing, I do it a lot to kind of ground myself, to stop from overloading. It keeps my mind from wandering off too much.
-
I tear my toenails off quite regularly, however I do that for fun, not to cover up some pain or distract me.
/me thinks that Nomaken will enjoy the torture chambers of the coming dictatorship.
-
Usually just the big toe.