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Author Topic: Penis theft  (Read 326 times)

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Offline Parts

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Penis theft
« on: April 23, 2008, 11:47:15 AM »
Quote
Penis theft panic hits city..

By Joe Bavier 37 minutes ago

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

"You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We've had a number of attempted lynchings. ... You see them covered in marks after being beaten," Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, told Reuters on Tuesday.

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Oleko said.

"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.

Some Kinshasa residents accuse a separatist sect from nearby Bas-Congo province of being behind the witchcraft in revenge for a recent government crackdown on its members.

"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny," said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.

(Editing by Nick Tattersall and Mary Gabriel)


 :zoinks:
"Eat it up.  Wear it out.  Make it do or do without." 

'People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.'
George Bernard Shaw

Offline Peter

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Re: Penis theft
« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2008, 01:19:18 PM »
Penis panic is a disturbingly common phenomenon.
Quote
14:10 - Moarskrillex42: She said something about knowing why I wanted to move to Glasgow when she came in. She plopped down on my bed and told me to go ahead and open it for her.

14:11 - Peter5930: So, she thought I was your lover and that I was sending you a box full of sex toys, and that you wanted to move to Glasgow to be with me?

Offline Pyraxis

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Re: Penis theft
« Reply #2 on: April 23, 2008, 06:33:42 PM »
Yes, it's quite scary the things men in third world countries (and first world ones too for all I know) will do to themselves in order to prevent it.
You'll never self-actualize the subconscious canopy of stardust with that attitude.

Offline Icequeen

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Re: Penis theft
« Reply #3 on: April 23, 2008, 08:47:21 PM »
Wow.

All I could think of when the ex started running around was possibly painting it green when he passed out. 

Where's a damn socerer when you need one?

:toy:

Offline Callaway

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Re: Penis theft
« Reply #4 on: April 23, 2008, 11:09:10 PM »
Wow.

All I could think of when the ex started running around was possibly painting it green when he passed out.  

Where's a damn socerer when you need one?

:toy:

 :LMAO:

Did you ever actually do it?

Offline Alex179

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Re: Penis theft
« Reply #5 on: April 24, 2008, 01:04:40 AM »
They are blaming their small penises on magic users.   Very lol.
:P   Internets are super serious.

Offline Peter

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Re: Penis theft
« Reply #6 on: April 24, 2008, 02:15:10 AM »
Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Sir Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better.
Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!
Quote
14:10 - Moarskrillex42: She said something about knowing why I wanted to move to Glasgow when she came in. She plopped down on my bed and told me to go ahead and open it for her.

14:11 - Peter5930: So, she thought I was your lover and that I was sending you a box full of sex toys, and that you wanted to move to Glasgow to be with me?

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Re: Penis theft
« Reply #7 on: April 24, 2008, 07:00:22 AM »
:lol:

Monty Python :pinkbeat:

Offline driftingblizzard

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Re: Penis theft
« Reply #8 on: April 24, 2008, 07:06:01 AM »
Quote
Penis theft panic hits city..

By Joe Bavier 37 minutes ago

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

"You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We've had a number of attempted lynchings. ... You see them covered in marks after being beaten," Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, told Reuters on Tuesday.

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Oleko said.

"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.

Some Kinshasa residents accuse a separatist sect from nearby Bas-Congo province of being behind the witchcraft in revenge for a recent government crackdown on its members.

"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny," said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.

(Editing by Nick Tattersall and Mary Gabriel)


 :zoinks:

Once, I went into a big city.

And a very pretty but very painted girl came up and started to talk to me.  (I think she was a witch too) because at first, what she said caused my penis to grow and I got scared.  Then she said if I gave her money, she could take care of it!

So we went into a back alley way and I gave her money and she got busy and made my penis dissapear and I became impotent!  (when she was done, I couldn't even shoot a load of dust).

Luckily, the effects were only temporary (she must not have been a very powerfull witch).  Because the next day, my penis came back, and I was no longer impotent.
Feeling neutral is very normal.

Offline Icequeen

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Re: Penis theft
« Reply #9 on: April 24, 2008, 07:15:18 AM »
Came close, had the color picked out even, "billard green". You can never get them to sleep soundly when you want them too though. :lol:



Wow.

All I could think of when the ex started running around was possibly painting it green when he passed out.  

Where's a damn socerer when you need one?

:toy:

 :LMAO:

Did you ever actually do it?

Offline Lucifer

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Re: Penis theft
« Reply #10 on: April 24, 2008, 09:24:12 AM »
Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Sir Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better.
Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!

i'm taking that personally.   >:(

Offline Callaway

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Re: Penis theft
« Reply #11 on: April 24, 2008, 11:19:03 AM »
Came close, had the color picked out even, "billard green". You can never get them to sleep soundly when you want them too though. :lol:


I was picturing a green Sharpie marker, actually.  It would not wash off.  He would have to wear it off.  Wouldn't that be fun for him to explain to his girlfriend?

 :laugh:

Offline odeon

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Re: Penis theft
« Reply #12 on: April 24, 2008, 11:52:22 AM »
LOL @ this thread
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

Offline Dexter Morgan

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Re: Penis theft
« Reply #13 on: April 24, 2008, 07:07:03 PM »
There are a lot of fucking stupid people in this world

Offline Icequeen

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Re: Penis theft
« Reply #14 on: April 25, 2008, 12:36:50 PM »
Came close, had the color picked out even, "billard green". You can never get them to sleep soundly when you want them too though. :lol:


I was picturing a green Sharpie marker, actually.  It would not wash off.  He would have to wear it off.  Wouldn't that be fun for him to explain to his girlfriend?

 :laugh:

Damn. Now why didn't I think of that? I could have wrote something really good on there too. :lol: