humility

[McJ]

to be a better example for my kids.

i am rough around the edges; wild.  i am a bit on the terse side.

terse
reset
trees

terse side = set desire

 

[Nomaken]

Personally I am largely humble to avoid the contempt of others.

It is one of my goals in life, to be thought of as a okay person at least, or a pretty nifty person at best.  I would like to be a person everybody loves, but having an attitude which exudes "I wanna be loved by everyone" usually causes a good amount of people to hate you, so i try to keep that at the edge of my consciousness if not below it.

You can go through life with many helpful philosophies like try not to care what other people think, which if you actually try to follow and succede(its hard to do) partially at it(as far as i know it is impossible for a normal, healthy individual to completely disregard what other people think) you will often be made happier and probably more productive.

However almost always, in order to be fully happy, you need to experience some kind of sentiments from people.  It might be approval, it might be amusement, it might be admiration, it might just be tolerance or respect.  Few people can live really happily totally without input from others.  And incase you wanna say you are such a person, take a moment to wonder why then you browse this forum.

Using meditation and study you can come up with answers and rationalizations about pretty much everything in life that you cannot alter.  With patience and training you can even alter your emotional reactions to many things.  Not totally however, definitely not.  I have gotten to a point where I am okay with everything in life, I know where I'm going, I have a loose outline with what i'm going to do with my life, and where and when i'm going to die, and if my plan gets fucked up, I have already prepared myself to be comfortable with it.  If a killer were to come into my room right now and slit my throat my last thought would be more like, "This is cute, to be killed in exactly the way i imagined in a bizarre fantasy 10 seconds before hand."  Than, "I'm not ready, i'm not ready, i still have more to d-glarkablle"

However the last two things I have left to deal with really are my memories, and the contempt of others.  Those are the only two things left that cause me pain.  The memories problem is rather stupid and petty and I just gotta train myself emotionally to not be bothered by previous embarassing moments.

The contempt of others is, however, a more complicated issue.  I could say that their contempt is their problem, but my pain when I know they have contempt for me is not, i feel, something I can understand my way out of.  Like I feel that the embarassing moments that cause me pain cannot be logicked, or rationalized away, i feel that my pain of being held in contempt cannot simply be reasoned away.

I can do two things to alleviate this pain, train myself emotionally to be unbothered by my memories of being held in contempt, or behave in such a way to lessen future contempt.
I'm currently trying to behave in a way to lessen future contempt because I will have the opportunity to do the prior at the end of my life, but i wont have the opportunity to do the second at the end of my life, and the first is a lot harder than the second imo.

So I attempt to become humble in order to alleviate others contempt of me.  It is the best non-value related thing I can change in order to be less held in contempt by others.

[McGiver]

you will never challenge others to be better?

[Nomaken]

Not challenge, no, but maybe manipulate them into it.

[McGiver]

how?

[Nomaken]

It is highly dependant on the situation and person.  I plan to become a teacher and a therapist to help those who care more about life to be more effective at changing it into what they want.  I already manipulated one of my friends into becoming a pilot rather than a cop.

[McGiver]

could you manipulate me into becoming a kindler, gentler person?

what do you do?

is it hypnotical gazes?
jedi mind tricks?

[Nomaken]

Possibly, but it would take a long time, and the very fact that you know i'm trying makes it harder for me to affect you.

Generally speaking the best way to become a better person - in any respect, is to get a friend which really accepts you.

  If you have a friend which accepts you, and will give a rewarding response to everything you say, you will eventually trust them, and vent all the things which are bothering you but don't tell anybody anymore because they never empathize with you.  Hearing someone acknowledge how you are at least partially right in some situation, which you always knew was true but nobody gave you that recognition, will clense some of your anger, and make you more comfortable with acknowledging other peoples partial rightness during disagreements.

You will feel better in general after a while, because you've been learning that there are good people out there.  And when you've vented a bunch of your problems which people never let you vent(for one reason or another), others bitching will become less bothersome.
When you find someone who so casually accepts you, you will also begin to realize how little other peoples opinions matter about you when you find someone who doesn't so quickly judge you and want to change you.

[McGiver]

wow namoken, i accept that and submit that you are at least partially right.