Author Topic: Job 24 Contemporary English Version  (Read 1746 times)

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Offline McGiver

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Job 24 Contemporary English Version
« on: April 30, 2006, 08:27:58 AM »
Job 24

Contemporary English Version

Job 24
1. Why doesn't God set a time for court? Why don't his people know where he can be found?
2. Sinners remove boundary markers and take care of sheep they have stolen.
3. They cheat orphans and widows by taking their donkeys and oxen.
4. The poor are trampled and forced to hide
5. in the desert, where they and their children must live like wild donkeys and search for food.
6. If they want grain or grapes, [a] they must go to the property of these sinners.
7. They sleep naked in the cold, because they have no cover,
8. and during a storm their only shelters are caves among the rocky cliffs.
9. Children whose fathers have died are taken from their mothers as payment for a debt.
10. Then they are forced to work naked in the grain fields because they have no clothes, and they go hungry.
11. They crush olives to make oil and grapes to make wine--but still they go thirsty.
12. And along the city streets, the wounded and dying cry out, yet God does nothing.
13. Some rebel and refuse to follow the light.
14. Soon after sunset they murder the poor and the needy, and at night they steal.
15. Others wait for the dark, thinking they won't be seen if they sleep with the wife or husband of someone else.
16. Robbers hide during the day, then break in after dark because they reject the light.
17. They prefer night to day, since the terrors of the night are their friends.
18. Those sinners are filthy foam on the surface of the water. And so, their fields and vineyards will fall under a curse and won't produce.
19. Just as the heat of summer swallows the snow, the world of the dead swallows those who sin.
20. Forgotten here on earth, and with their power broken, they taste sweet to worms.
21. Sinners take advantage of widows and other helpless women.
22. But God's mighty strength destroys those in power. Even if they seem successful, they are doomed to fail.
23. God may let them feel secure, but they are never out of his sight.
24. Great for a while; gone forever! Sinners are mowed down like weeds, then they wither and die.
25. If I haven't spoken the truth, then prove me wrong.

Footnotes:

Job 24:6 If they want grain or grapes: Poor people were allowed to gather what was left in the fields and vineyards after the harvest.
Job 24:21 women: One possible meaning for the difficult Hebrew text of verse 21.
Misunderstood.

Offline Lucifer

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Re: Job 24 Contemporary English Version
« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2006, 08:32:06 AM »
dear gods - have you found religion, mcj?

* Lucifer cogitates for a moment...

nope - simply can't see mcj as a happy clappy, sorry.

Offline McGiver

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Re: Job 24 Contemporary English Version
« Reply #2 on: April 30, 2006, 09:01:43 AM »
If your happy and you know it clap your hands!


if your happy and you know it then your life will surely show it,  so if your happy and you know it,clap your hands


if your happy and you know it say amen!
AMEN
if your happy and you know it praise the lord.


if your happy and you know it then your life will surely show it, so if your happy and you know it,
Praise the Lord

Misunderstood.

Offline Lucifer

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Re: Job 24 Contemporary English Version
« Reply #3 on: April 30, 2006, 09:10:35 AM »
ffs!

that's the best laugh i've had in ages.

cheers, mcj.

(you fucking nutter).

oh, and praise the lord, and all that.  :P

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Re: Job 24 Contemporary English Version
« Reply #4 on: April 30, 2006, 09:15:49 AM »
job24 was FOAD's WP and first as4us name.  I think McJ is trying to "reach out."

Offline Lucifer

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Re: Job 24 Contemporary English Version
« Reply #5 on: April 30, 2006, 09:19:54 AM »
A message from the Metatron...
(look up Metatron, if you don't know what it means, you philistine).

dear McJagger -

it has come to my attention that your soul is in severe and urgent need of saving.

here at "Saving The Infinite Ministries" TM, we believe that your soul should be saved, nay preserved, and so i am writing to you in an attempt to facilitate this eventuality, without delay.

there are three levels of salvation (or preservererverence, as we like to call it):

a) the DIY option (cheap, but not recommended). to preservererve your own soul, drink regular and frequent infusions of cider, or the alcoholic drink of your choice. alcohol has been used for generations as a preserverer. we at Saving The Infinite Ministries (STIMTM) see no reason to eschew this traditional and practical method. we do, of course, regret that one of the contraindications with this method is cirrhosis of the liver, and/or death, via bag ladyness, losing all teeth and sense of personal hygiene, but one does gain the ability to rant on the philosophical nature of everything (unfortunately, we are still working on the ability of others to make any sense of these spiritual
proclamations, but then, only The Chosen ever understand stuff, so don't worry unduly about it).

b) the Economy option. you send us money, we send you the alcohol.

c) the Executive option. you send us more money: we send you posh alcohol, and chuck in a free cigar and lap dancer (for you to resist, of course *cough*).

d) the Deluxe option. you send us loads of money, and your soul is automatically saved, cos everyone at STIMTM knows that the unfeasibly rich will go straight to heaven/nirvana/eton/oxbridge anyway (and we wouldn't want to share heaven/nirvana etc. with any poor people, any more than
you do).

but what to do while you choose your option? - we at STIM understand that making the most important decision of your life (and death) might take you no little time. so how to Save That Soul while you ponder? of course, the simplest way is to use one of our patented Soul Bags - a neat and attractive bag, made from recycled materials (old condoms), and in a delightful assortment of colours - Purity Pink; Glad-I-Was-To-See-The-Lord Green; Hallelujah Horange; Beatific Blue; Resurrection Red, and Lovely-In-The-Eyes-Of-The-Lord-Are-All-My-Doings Lilac. just pop your soul into the bag, seal with our special, all purpose sealer, and your soul is kept fresh as the morning dew (from god's good wossname). no muss, no fuss and - most importantly - no unpleasant bending.

when you have chosen the option which best suits you, please reply to the usual address.

saving your soul is just a PM and a recycled condom away...

Halle-Peace-Be-Upon-You-Jesus-Loves-You-(but not if you're a fundie. or Alex.  or a moose)-Lleujah.

Der Metatron

Offline McGiver

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Re: Job 24 Contemporary English Version
« Reply #6 on: April 30, 2006, 09:38:57 AM »
i choose option d.
and i would request the right to criminal activity without reprocussion.
unlimited get out of jail free cards.
and more alcohol
Misunderstood.

Offline Lucifer

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Re: Job 24 Contemporary English Version
« Reply #7 on: April 30, 2006, 11:58:06 AM »
excellent choice, my dear boy, absolutely spiffing.

now, all you have to do is to send - via PayPal, if you like - the sum of loadsamoney to Alex Plan...  what the fuck am i saying??!!??

i mean, to STIMTM, and salvation shall be thine, yea, verily, even unto the seventh generation.

have we got a deal?  spit on it?

Offline McGiver

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Re: Job 24 Contemporary English Version
« Reply #8 on: April 30, 2006, 03:05:07 PM »
Acht-tooey.
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Offline Lucifer

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Re: Job 24 Contemporary English Version
« Reply #9 on: April 30, 2006, 03:07:37 PM »
'kinell.  what the fuck have you been eating mcj?  yuck!

Offline McGiver

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Re: Job 24 Contemporary English Version
« Reply #10 on: April 30, 2006, 03:53:18 PM »
ran outta floss two days ago.
sorry, how about a redo?
acht-thud
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Offline Lucifer

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Re: Job 24 Contemporary English Version
« Reply #11 on: April 30, 2006, 10:02:09 PM »
your sputum should be classified as a weapon of mass destruction, mate.

care to gob at the fucking snails and slugs in my garden?  that'd sort the bastards.   >:(