Author Topic: Post what you are thinking right now, part two  (Read 201388 times)

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Offline DirtDawg

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Re: Post what you are thinking right now, part two
« Reply #9900 on: June 16, 2017, 09:28:30 AM »

They say that a colonoscopy is horrible but the worst part of getting that procedure done is the day before. Basically, the doctor has to have everything "FUCKING SHINY" before he inserts five feet of tubing into your anus. After the prep for this procedure the actual colonoscopy is a cinch.

So, you drink this concoction from the doctor the day before that  "cleans"  your intestinal tract from today's breakfast to Hell's Last Supper!  That means that after your first five or so AirBlast poops of the day, you give up on trying to wear clothes and just wrap a towel around you. Once you are done with the next water enriched Air Blast poop episode, knowing there are still many, many more to come you give up on trying to accomplish any progress with toilet paper and just step straight into the shower.

Another problem rears its head before you are satisfactorily SHINY inside. Your asshole becomes very chapped and somewhat painful from all the "unwanted attention" as it is continually  pressed into Special Op service well above its paygrade.

I found a great, although temporary solution. Use a tube of chapstick around the "affected area" between waterblast episodes.  Cool, soothing, helps ward off further damage or damnation from this NEVER ENDING process of becoming SHINY enough for the doctor to send a camera five feet up your butt.

Now this remedy works great and I can recommend it fully, but I have to add this warning. Do NOT make the mistake I made.

Make damn sure that you THROW THAT TUBE OF CHAPSTICK AWAY, FOR GOD SAKE!!!!!
Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline odeon

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Re: Post what you are thinking right now, part two
« Reply #9901 on: June 16, 2017, 11:45:12 AM »
Colonoscopy *is* horrible, and I sympathise with you about the day before, btw.
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

Offline Gopher Gary

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Re: Post what you are thinking right now, part two
« Reply #9902 on: June 16, 2017, 06:25:13 PM »

They say that a colonoscopy is horrible but the worst part of getting that procedure done is the day before. Basically, the doctor has to have everything "FUCKING SHINY" before he inserts five feet of tubing into your anus. After the prep for this procedure the actual colonoscopy is a cinch.

So, you drink this concoction from the doctor the day before that  "cleans"  your intestinal tract from today's breakfast to Hell's Last Supper!  That means that after your first five or so AirBlast poops of the day, you give up on trying to wear clothes and just wrap a towel around you. Once you are done with the next water enriched Air Blast poop episode, knowing there are still many, many more to come you give up on trying to accomplish any progress with toilet paper and just step straight into the shower.

Another problem rears its head before you are satisfactorily SHINY inside. Your asshole becomes very chapped and somewhat painful from all the "unwanted attention" as it is continually  pressed into Special Op service well above its paygrade.

I found a great, although temporary solution. Use a tube of chapstick around the "affected area" between waterblast episodes.  Cool, soothing, helps ward off further damage or damnation from this NEVER ENDING process of becoming SHINY enough for the doctor to send a camera five feet up your butt.

Now this remedy works great and I can recommend it fully, but I have to add this warning. Do NOT make the mistake I made.

Make damn sure that you THROW THAT TUBE OF CHAPSTICK AWAY, FOR GOD SAKE!!!!!

Will you be sharing pictures of your colonoscopy?  :orly:
:gopher:

Offline DirtDawg

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Re: Post what you are thinking right now, part two
« Reply #9903 on: June 16, 2017, 06:43:26 PM »
Colonoscopy *is* horrible, and I sympathise with you about the day before, btw.

Hey, at least now I know my ass is clean. There is no place for ANYTHING to hide inside my GI tract.

I hope that everyone realizes that last part was a joke. Once it is all over with a "clean" result, one HAS to smile, at least until next time.
 :evillaugh:


OH, and sorry GG, no pics.
Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline Pyraxis

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Re: Post what you are thinking right now, part two
« Reply #9904 on: June 16, 2017, 08:09:55 PM »
Make damn sure that you THROW THAT TUBE OF CHAPSTICK AWAY, FOR GOD SAKE!!!!!

 :lol1: :lol1: :lol1:
You'll never self-actualize the subconscious canopy of stardust with that attitude.

Offline Icequeen

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Re: Post what you are thinking right now, part two
« Reply #9905 on: June 16, 2017, 09:59:58 PM »
Make damn sure that you THROW THAT TUBE OF CHAPSTICK AWAY, FOR GOD SAKE!!!!!

 :lol1: :lol1: :lol1:

Oh hell...now everytime I see that chapstick display in Walmart by the check out you know what is going to pop into my head.  :zombiefuck:

Just tell me it wasn't the watermelon flavor.

Offline renaeden

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Re: Post what you are thinking right now, part two
« Reply #9906 on: June 16, 2017, 11:18:49 PM »
^Or "Pearl & Shine".
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Offline odeon

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Re: Post what you are thinking right now, part two
« Reply #9907 on: June 17, 2017, 01:35:59 AM »
 :zombiefuck:

I'm thinking all kinds of disgusting things now.
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

Offline Fun With Matches

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Re: Post what you are thinking right now, part two
« Reply #9908 on: June 17, 2017, 02:51:30 AM »
With a mint flavour you would feel minty fresh down there!
:dog:

Offline DirtDawg

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Re: Post what you are thinking right now, part two
« Reply #9909 on: June 17, 2017, 10:22:17 AM »
Make damn sure that you THROW THAT TUBE OF CHAPSTICK AWAY, FOR GOD SAKE!!!!!

 :lol1: :lol1: :lol1:

If I can maintain a sense of humor following a two day ordeal, anyone can.
 :headbang2:
Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline DirtDawg

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Re: Post what you are thinking right now, part two
« Reply #9910 on: June 17, 2017, 10:24:12 AM »
Make damn sure that you THROW THAT TUBE OF CHAPSTICK AWAY, FOR GOD SAKE!!!!!

 :lol1: :lol1: :lol1:

Oh hell...now everytime I see that chapstick display in Walmart by the check out you know what is going to pop into my head.  :zombiefuck:

Just tell me it wasn't the watermelon flavor.

Nah. Pina colada flavoured.

Now I have ruined another entire vacation for you, right?
 :lol1:
« Last Edit: June 17, 2017, 10:30:13 AM by DirtDawg »
Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline DirtDawg

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Re: Post what you are thinking right now, part two
« Reply #9911 on: June 17, 2017, 10:27:22 AM »
:zombiefuck:

I'm thinking all kinds of disgusting things now.

I was only trying to laugh about my plight and share that humor. I came up with a possible solution.

If your thinking all kinds of disgusting things now means that I have succeeded then I have indeed succeeded. :laugh:

Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline DirtDawg

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Re: Post what you are thinking right now, part two
« Reply #9912 on: June 17, 2017, 10:29:29 AM »
With a mint flavour you would feel minty fresh down there!

... and lickable?
(you may not know what that means)

Hats off to Tig for his diverse intent.
 :viking:

Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline DirtDawg

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Re: Post what you are thinking right now, part two
« Reply #9913 on: June 17, 2017, 11:19:10 AM »

Honestly, I feel like crap. I worked a rough shift today.

The inside of my head feels like someone dumped the entire contents of a mechanic's junk drawer from two stories up onto a trampoline. And nothing seems to want to stop bouncing. :'(


Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline odeon

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Re: Post what you are thinking right now, part two
« Reply #9914 on: June 18, 2017, 02:07:36 AM »
Thinking I need to take a shower.
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein