chicks and their fucking emotions

[Mr Smith]

Maybe she wasnt that into you and didn't want to drag something out that she didn't want for the long term.

[Mr Smith]

That sounds more like an NT head game than anything else, Zegh. You sure she's aspie? She may just be anti-social. I don't get stuff like that and why chicks do it. But then again I'm not anything like that. I have no filter so I say exactly what's on my mind. I'd ask her what happened.

Common misconception that aspies dont play head games there. Its often harder for aspies to say whats on their minds if they care what people think, and they've got no social skills.

[ZEGH8578]

yeah, something like that. i think she just got very "in love" initially, and when it wore off she was left with a long-distance thing that would most likely only cause pain.

i get it, we even talked about it.
it sucks for me tho, cus shes hot, she can get a new guy whenever she wants. and like most chicks, she has a stupid habit of getting idiots who beat her up. WHY WHY WHY do girls want guys who beat them up?

and so i have to sit here, no friends, no nothing, knowing that some asshole beats her up, and still she will love him back.

[Callaway]

yeah, something like that. i think she just got very "in love" initially, and when it wore off she was left with a long-distance thing that would most likely only cause pain.

i get it, we even talked about it.
it sucks for me tho, cus shes hot, she can get a new guy whenever she wants. and like most chicks, she has a stupid habit of getting idiots who beat her up. WHY WHY WHY do girls want guys who beat them up?

and so i have to sit here, no friends, no nothing, knowing that some asshole beats her up, and still she will love him back.

I'm sorry you are suffering through this and I hope she will be OK too.

I was in a long-distance relationship with my husband for years before we were married so I know how difficult this type of relationship can be.

As to why women sometimes get into relationships with guys who wind up hitting them, I don't know why this is.

I wonder if perhaps they get into a controlling relationship with a possessive man and mistake that jealousy and possessiveness for depth of feeling and then when the woman later expresses her individuality in any way the possessive man feels he is losing control and then tends to become violent to exert or maintain that control.

[Phlexor]

Sometimes certain character traits in men that are exciting to women also come with violence. Sometimes they grew up in a violent home and violence is what they are used to and understand. As in they have skill sets that are designed with coping with violence and being in a non-violent relationship makes them very uncomfortable as they don't know how to predict or cope with it.

Strange but true.

['andersom']

Sometimes certain character traits in men that are exciting to women also come with violence. Sometimes they grew up in a violent home and violence is what they are used to and understand. As in they have skill sets that are designed with coping with violence and being in a non-violent relationship makes them very uncomfortable as they don't know how to predict or cope with it.

Strange but true.

So very true. The pattern of violence and remorse/making up is familiar and safe.
After the violence there is a certain time of calm.

In a non-violent relationship, it is almost impossible to believe in the calm for them. And they are on the allert 24/7, never feeling safe.

I knew someone working with battered woman and children. She knew how hard it was for them to get out, because she had been in a short term violent relation, but the pattern of trusting safety after abuse had engrained itself very quickly in her.

[SleepyDragon]

Yes. After a big blowup, the offending party shows a great deal of contrition and remorse, and does his/her best to convince the other that "it'll never happen again." It's like being wooed all over again. Even a normally-skeptical person can be drawn in by this.

[ZEGH8578]

yeah, its the alpha-male thing, by nature chicks lean towards it, and by nature alpha-males come with anger issues and violence.

ah well... i tried contacting her, in a casual manner, she replied, friendly, but very very short. clear hint to not wanting to talk anymore.
this is, to me, very hard to understand. one thing is not wanting to be all serious relationship-wise, but cut off all contact? there wasnt even an argument or anger or offense or anything... it seems so weird to suddenly behave like enemies :S

[Phlexor]

yeah, its the alpha-male thing, by nature chicks lean towards it, and by nature alpha-males come with anger issues and violence.

ah well... i tried contacting her, in a casual manner, she replied, friendly, but very very short. clear hint to not wanting to talk anymore.
this is, to me, very hard to understand. one thing is not wanting to be all serious relationship-wise, but cut off all contact? there wasnt even an argument or anger or offense or anything... it seems so weird to suddenly behave like enemies :S

Maybe she still likes you a lot and talking to you just hurts too much because she is desperately trying to cut things off.

[Mr Smith]

yeah, its the alpha-male thing, by nature chicks lean towards it, and by nature alpha-males come with anger issues and violence.

ah well... i tried contacting her, in a casual manner, she replied, friendly, but very very short. clear hint to not wanting to talk anymore.
this is, to me, very hard to understand. one thing is not wanting to be all serious relationship-wise, but cut off all contact? there wasnt even an argument or anger or offense or anything... it seems so weird to suddenly behave like enemies :S

Maybe she still likes you a lot and talking to you just hurts too much because she is desperately trying to cut things off.

I really doubt that is the case. You're reading into things too much.  If she liked him that much she wouldn't cut him off. Its not like he dumped her, in that case what you said may apply.

Sounds like she just lost interest in him. Which is a shame, but we all go though it you just have to move on.

[ZEGH8578]

yeah, its the alpha-male thing, by nature chicks lean towards it, and by nature alpha-males come with anger issues and violence.

ah well... i tried contacting her, in a casual manner, she replied, friendly, but very very short. clear hint to not wanting to talk anymore.
this is, to me, very hard to understand. one thing is not wanting to be all serious relationship-wise, but cut off all contact? there wasnt even an argument or anger or offense or anything... it seems so weird to suddenly behave like enemies :S

Maybe she still likes you a lot and talking to you just hurts too much because she is desperately trying to cut things off.

I really doubt that is the case. You're reading into things too much.  If she liked him that much she wouldn't cut him off. Its not like he dumped her, in that case what you said may apply.

Sounds like she just lost interest in him. Which is a shame, but we all go though it you just have to move on.

that is the root of it. only, it was very sudden. she was initiating contact, being all intimate and cute and all, and litterally two days later we dont even talk anymore.
if i didnt know her better, i would have been convinced she fell flat for some new guy. but shes not the type.
as i understood it, she wanted to cut it off completely, rather than to have something "more or less" or something. either way, your right. moving on :]

[Mr Smith]

yeah, its the alpha-male thing, by nature chicks lean towards it, and by nature alpha-males come with anger issues and violence.

ah well... i tried contacting her, in a casual manner, she replied, friendly, but very very short. clear hint to not wanting to talk anymore.
this is, to me, very hard to understand. one thing is not wanting to be all serious relationship-wise, but cut off all contact? there wasnt even an argument or anger or offense or anything... it seems so weird to suddenly behave like enemies :S

Maybe she still likes you a lot and talking to you just hurts too much because she is desperately trying to cut things off.

I really doubt that is the case. You're reading into things too much.  If she liked him that much she wouldn't cut him off. Its not like he dumped her, in that case what you said may apply.

Sounds like she just lost interest in him. Which is a shame, but we all go though it you just have to move on.

that is the root of it. only, it was very sudden. she was initiating contact, being all intimate and cute and all, and litterally two days later we dont even talk anymore.
if i didnt know her better, i would have been convinced she fell flat for some new guy. but shes not the type.
as i understood it, she wanted to cut it off completely, rather than to have something "more or less" or something. either way, your right. moving on :]

Maybe something about you suddenly started to bother her. I dunno, seems kinda weird. But women are fickle beings. Just remember its not you with the problem.

[SleepyDragon]

Unfortunately, Zegh, you may never find out exactly what prompted her sudden withdrawal. (As unfair and frustrating as that is.) Fiona is right: it's more her problem than yours.

[ZEGH8578]

i know. thanx :]

[Al Swearegen]

I know I keep saying this but it comes back to you. You can't "make people like you" or control them. You can control you and work on the things that make you content. Anything more is a bonus.