Actuallly, this sounds very positive, to me. I'm not sure who you are, but I doubt that I have missed you completely, since you have over one thousand posts. Do I know you? Have we ever talked? Have you changed your screen name and avatar, lately?
Anyway, don't blame yourself too much for moving at your own speed. Some of the "wanting to be a part of some social sphere, made up of other's lives" is missing in us, even to the point of noticing an opportunity to engage and turning away much of the time. We all do this. Some of the "wanting to engage" and not being able, causes a degree of anxiety at times or even compromise, as what you have stated.
If it is our choice, then it is a good thing, either way. If we are responding to people telling us that "you are just NOT right," then we will still grow, although sometimes slowly and not unlike a twisted cyprus tree responding to alternating winds.
As far as those you want to forget - think of them as stepping stones on a path that closes behind you, because you have no need to ever go back. You have many more stones just like them ahead of you and it is not wrong to recognise them as such when you approach.